Subj: Golf2 Jokes
(Includes 33 jokes and articles, 25793n,11,cf,md4,10)
Golg Green from
GOLF1 and 2 file has best jokes
GOLF3 file contains jokes, oddities and Q/A
Walk On - ESPN Video (S636d)
This is the story of D.J.Gregory
who has cerebral palsy.
This video features DJ Gregory and his dream to walk
every hole of every golf tournament on the PGA tour.
Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my file copy,
to see the wonderful, heartwarming story.
Subj: The Perfect Shot (S535)
From: AFine963 on 4/20/2007
A golfer stood over his tee shot
for what seemed an eternity.
He was driving his partner nuts, as he looked up, looked
down, measured the distance, figured the wind direction and
speed. Finally, his exasperated partner said, "What's
taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife's up
there watching me from the
clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
His partner mumbled, "Forget
it, man, you'll never hit her
Subj: Golfer's Wife In ICU (S513c)
From: darrell94590 on 11/17/2006
A man was at the Country Club
for his weekly round of golf.
He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a
birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored
his first hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a
doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible
accident and was in critical condition in the ICU.
The man asked the doctor to inform
his wife where he was and
that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up, he
realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best-
ever round of golf.
He decided to get in a couple
more holes before heading to
the hospital. He ended up finishing all eighteen. He
finished his round shooting a personal best of 61 shattering
the Club Record by five strokes and beating his previous best
game by more than 10!!!
He was jubilant, then remembering
his wife, he dashed to the
hospital. In the corridor, he saw the doctor and asked about
his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted,
"You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!
I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the
past four hours enjoying yourself at the Country Club your
wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you
went ahead and finished that round because it will be more
than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will
require 'round-the-clock care. And you'll be her care-giver!"
The man was feeling so guilty
he broke down and sobbed. The
doctor started to snicker and said, "Just kidding!!! She
died more than two hours ago. What'd you shoot??!!"
Golfer fantastiskt kul (S533d)
From: auntiegah on 4/5/2007
This movie is very funny.
Don't miss it. You can see it
at the source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Lady Golfer Cusses (S474)
From: Dickschu on 2/9/2006
A foursome is waiting on the
men's tee while another four-
some of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies
are taking their time, when finally the last lady is ready
to hit the ball.
She hacks it 10 feet, goes over,
whiffs it, and then hacks it
maybe another 10 feet, then hacks it another 5 feet.
She looks up at the men who are
watching and says apologet-
ically, "I guess all those f---ing lessons I took this winter
One of the men immediately replies,
"Well, there you have it
lady. You should have taken golf lessons instead.
Subj: Golfer And His Bride On The Honeymoon (S188, S606b)
From: thebartend on 09/08/2000
(Also see 'Ed And Nancy Met On A Cruise Ship' in Golf3)
On their honeymoon the new husband
told his bride, "I have
a confession that I should have made before, but I was
concerned that it might affect our relationship."
"What is it?" she asked.
"I'm a golfer," he said.
"What's the big deal about that?" she asked.
He replied, "When I say I'm a
golfer, I mean that I'll be
on the course Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday afternoon, and
any holidays. If it comes to a choice between your wishes
and golf - golf wins."
She pondered a moment and said,
"I thank you for your
honesty. In the same spirit of honesty, I should tell
you that I've concealed something about my own past that
you should know about. I'm a hooker."
"No problem," was his response,
"just widen your stance a
little and overlap your grip and that should clear right up."
Why Play Golf (S603)
From: tom on 7/27/2008
These twenty-six photos provide
a compelling argument on
why golf is a great sport. Click 'HERE' to view them.
Subj: Golfer's Wife Has Heart Attack On Course (S159, S568c)
From: thebartend on 02/16/2000
and From: tom on 12/9/2007
The husband and wife were playing
on the ninth green when
she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need
help." she said.
The husband ran off saying "I'll
go get some help." A little
while later he returned, picked up his club and began to
line up his shot on the green.
His wife, on the ground, raised
up her head and said, "I'm
may be dying and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear. I found a
doctor on the second hole who
said he come and help."
"The second hole??? When in the hell is he coming???"
"Hey! I told ya not to worry."
he said, practice stroking
his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."
Subj: The Ambidextrous Golfer (S144, S615b)
From: KMacinty on 11/02/1999
and From: DoctorDebt on 5/10/2005
Four guys who worked together
always golfed as a group at 7:00
a.m. on Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred out
of town and they were talking about trying to fill out the four-
some. A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf,
can I join the group?" They were hesitant, but said she could
come once to try it and they could see what they thought. They
all agreed and she said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
She showed up right at 6:30,
played right-handed, and wound up
setting a course record with a 7-under par round. The guys went
nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile,
she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily
invited her back the next week and she said "Sure, I'll be here
at 6:30 or 6:45."
Again, she showed up at 6:30
Sunday morning. Only this time,
she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the
previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they
asked her to join the group for keeps.
They had a beer after their round,
and one of the guys asked her,
"How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-
handed?" She said, "That's easy. Before I leave for the golf
course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude.
If his member is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed; if
it's pointed to the left, I golf left-handed."
One of the guys asked, "What if it's pointed straight up?"
She said, "Then I'll be here at 6:45."
by John Graziano
From: Comics.com on 3/23/2009
|Click on the button below
for this amazing
Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus
are in a bar. Nicklaus turns
to Wonder and says: "How is the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder says: "Not too
bad, the latest album has gone
into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good.
By the way how is the golf."
Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad,
I am not winning as much as
I used to but I/m still making a bit of money. I have some
problems with my swing but I think I have got that right now."
Stevie Wonder says: "I always
find that when my swing goes
wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it,
then the next time I play it seems to be all right."
Jack Nicklaus says: "You play golf!"
Stevie Wonder says: "Yes, I have been playing for years."
And Nicklaus says: "But I thought
you were blind, how can
you play golf if you are blind?" He replies: "I get my
caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls
to me, I listen for the sound of his voice and play the
ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands
the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway
and again I play the ball towards his voice."
"But how do you putt?" says Nicklaus.
"Well," says Stevie, "I get my
caddie to lean down in front
of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and
I just play the ball to the sound of his voice."
Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"
Stevie says: "Well, I play off scratch."
Nicklaus is incredulous and says
to Stevie, "We must play a
Wonder replies, "Well, people
don't take me seriously so I
only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000
Nicklaus thinks it over and says,
"OK, I'm up for that -
when would you like to play?"
"I don't care - any night next week is OK with me."
Subj: Man Lost On Golf Course (S55, S420)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #41 on 98-02-11
and From: DoctorDebt on 2/7/2005
A man had to go to a strange
town to be the guest speaker at
a business meeting. When he arrived at the Motel in town, he
found that he had a lot of time before the meeting. He asked
the clerk where the nearest golf course was and was given
directions on how to get there.
While playing on the front nine,
he was going over the speech
in his mind and became confused as to where he was on the
course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.
He walked up to her and told her about his big meeting and
the speech he was to make and his confusion about where he
was on the course, asked her if she knew what hole he was
playing. She replied " I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole
behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole". He thanked her and
went back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing
happened. and he approached
her again with the same request. She said "I'm on the 14th,
you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th". Once
again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went
into the club house where he
saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the
bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she
was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, "let
me buy you a drink to show
my appreciation for your help. I understand that you are a
sales lady, well I am in sales also. What do you sell"?
She replied, "if I told you, you would only laugh."
"No I wouldn't", he said and
persisted that she tell him
what she sold.
"Well if you must know", she
answered, "I sell Tampax". With
that, he fell on the floor and laughed so hard he almost lost
She said "see I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing
at" he replied, "I'm a toilet
paper salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!"
Golf Poem (S592)
From: tom on 5/19/2008
Golf ball from The Wire...
In my hand I hold a ball....
White and dimpled, rather small....
Oh, how bland it does appear....
This harmless looking little sphere....
By its size I could not guess....
The awesome strength it does possess....
But since I fell beneath it's spell....
I've wandered through the fires of hell..
My life has not been quite the
Since I chose to play this stupid game....
It rules my mind for hours on end...
A fortune it has made me spend....
It has made me swear and yell
I hate myself and want to die....
It promises a thing called par....
If I can hit straight and far....
To master such a tiny ball....
Should not be very hard at all
But my desires the ball refuses....
And does exactly like it chooses....
It hooks and slices, dribbles
And even disappears before my eyes....
Often it will take a whim....
To hit a tree or take a swim....
With miles of grass on which
It finds a tiny patch of sand....
Then has me offering up my soul....
If only it would find the hole....
It's made me whimper like a pup....
And swear that I will give it up....
And take a drink to ease my sorrow....
But the ball knows..... I'll be back tomorrow!!!!
Subj: Golfer Murders Wife (DU)
..........From: Bawdy.Net Collage #229 on 98-02-08
The police arrived and found
a woman dead on her living room
floor with a golf club next to her body. They asked the
husband, "Is this your wife?"
"Yes," he replied.
"Did you kill her?"
"Yes, he replied."
"It looks like you struck her
eight times with this 3-iron.
Is that correct?"
"Yes," he replied, "...but put me down for a five."
Subj: Jesus And Moses Play Golf (S607c)
Jesus and Moses are playing golf
at this secluded resort...
They're having a swell time, until they get to this cute
little water hazard.... Jesus looks at the pond and announces
to Moses that he can make it across.. Moses is a little sceptical
but Jesus says "If Arnold Palmer can do it, so can I.."
Thwack goes the ball but it doesn't
quite make it. Jesus looks
at Moses and Moses raises his hands and parts the water. Jesus
then proceeds to hit his ball out.
The two go on playing until they
get to another water hazard.
This time it is a small lake. Jesus states "I can make it
Moses says "I dunno, it's bigger than that pond...."
Jesus replies "I'm the son of
God, if Arnold Palmer can do, I
can Too." With that he swung his club. *Plink* the ball falls
in 3 quarters of the way across. Jesus looks at Moses, Moses
sighs and parts the water.
Everything is going just fine
UNTIL the two get to a third
Giant Water Hazard. Jesus says "Never Fear, I can make it
By this time Moses is fed up
... "You couldn't make it across
the other two hazards, why do you think you can make across
Jesus replies harshly "Look...
I'm Jesus H. Christ, The Son
of GOD, King of Kings, the Almighty Lord, if Arnold Palmer,
a mere mortal, can make it across, SO CAN I!!!!!" *Thwack*
*plink* the ball doesn't even make it halfway.....
Jesus looks at Moses, but Moses
crosses his arms and says,
"No way.. Go get your own ball...."
So Jesus walks on the water, peering down for his ball...
Meanwhile another golfer walks
up to Moses, and upon seeing
Jesus on the water, he grabs Moses's arm and screams "Who
does he think he is?? JESUS CHRIST???!!!!"
To which a calm Moses replies "No. Arnold Palmer..."
Golf Ball Washer (S645d)
From: rfslick on 5/17/2009
Click 'HERE' to watch this X rated short video clip.
Subj: Jesus, Moses And An Old Man Play Golf (S213, S607)
From: RFSlick on 3/2/2001
Moses, Jesus and some 'ol geezer
were going to play a round
of golf. Moses teed off, the ball went right into the pond.
"No problem!" he said. Moses walked over, parted the water,
and hit the ball again. This time it landed about one foot
from the hole.
Jesus then teed off and the ball
went flying off to the left,
hit a tree, then miraculously bounced within about six inches
of the hole. The 'ol geezer stepped up and teed off. As the
ball headed right for the pond, a huge bass jumped up and
grabbed the ball in its mouth. Suddenly an eagle swooped
down, grabbed the bass and flew over the green. The bass
dropped the ball and it rolled within two inches of the hole!
All of a sudden a worm popped up and knocked the ball in. A
hole in one.
Moses looked at Jesus and said,
"You know, I really hate it
when your dad plays."
Subj: Golfer Hits Bad Slice (S519b)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 1/5/2007
A man steps up for a tee shot
with a row of trees and out of
bounds on the right side. He slices it wildly and it heads
off in the direction of the trees. He reloads and forgets
about the ball. About 15 minutes later, a highway patrolman
approaches him. "This your ball?" asks the policeman.
"Yes, I think it is."
"Well," says the officer, "it
went over the trees and through
the window of a house. It hit a cat and the cat ran out the
front door. A school bus was driving by at the time and the
driver, while trying to miss the cat, hit a tree. The bus
exploded in flames, and there were no survivors."
"Gee, I'm sorry." said the golfer.
"Is there anything I can
The policeman replied, "Well,
you might try keeping your left
arm a little straighter and start your downswing with your
Greatest Hole-In-One Golf Shot (S668b,d)
From: Wimp.com on 10/28/2008
Click on the above source, or
to see the world's
most amazing hole-in-one golf shot.
Subj: Golfer Practices Driving (S711b)
From: tom on 8/31/2010
(Also see 'Jogger Grabs Tennis Ball' in TENNIS)
An avid golfer goes to the local
golf course to get in a
couple hours of practice after work one day. He hits a
large bucket of balls on the driving range, but still
hasn't corrected the slice he's working on. Not having
enough money to buy another bucket of balls and being
all alone on the practice tee, he walks up the edge of
the driving range picking up balls in the weeds and
bushes so as not to be noticed.
Pretty soon, he can carry no
more, so he stuffs twenty
or so in the front pockets of his baggy pants until they
are full. Walking back to the tee, he notices a pretty
young lady has come up to hit balls on the range also.
As he gets closer, she notices the bulges in his pants
and makes a strange expression on her face.
Seeing this, the golfer is a
little embarrassed and,
wanting to explain, says, "Oh...they're just golf balls..."
The young lady looks at him sympathetically
"Wow, is that anything like tennis elbow?"
Subj: Tiger Woods Stops For Gas (S337)
From TNKRTEACH on 97-03-29
and From: BennoRo on 7/10/2003
(Also see 'Cadillac Gets Gas In Arkansas' in ARKANSAS)
Tiger Woods is driving his new
Buick Rendezvous through
backwoods country to his next golf match. He stops at a
one-pump gas station. A hillbilly comes out to fill the
tank and starts looking inside of the car.
"What's that thing?" he asks, pointing to the stereo.
"It's a CD/cassette player with
12 speaker stereo sound,"
"Whoa, this car's got everything!"
says the hillbilly.
"What's that thing?"
"That's the automatic cruise
control, lets me set the speed
and I don't have to step on the gas pedal," says Woods.
"Whoa, this car's got everything!"
Pointing to some tees on
the seat the hillbilly inquires, "What'er those things for?"
"I put my balls on them to drive."
"Whoa, this car's got EVERYTHING!!!"
Golfer Has Auto Accident (S456b)
You can view this cute cartoon on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Golf Bet (DU)
Once the club duffer challenged
the local golf pro to a
match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer,
"since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a
bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what
a 'gotcha' was, but he went
along with it. And off they went.
Coming back to the 19th hole,
the rest of the club members
were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members.
"Well," said the pro, "I was
teeing up for the first hole,
and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand
between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!'
Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for
the second 'gotcha'?"
Subj: The Blind Play Golf (S333, S589)
From: szalay on 6/18/2003
and From: darrellvip on 5/2/2008
A pastor, a doctor, a lawyer
and an engineer were playing
golf. The foursome, who were very low-handicapped players,
were playing on their normal golf course. Unusually, the
play was very slow and the players began to get frustrated.
By the tenth hole, they began firing their tee shots at the
foursome ahead of them, who were constantly in the woods
and were the root cause of the slow play.
Finally, the good foursome finished
their round, coming in
just under eight hours. After spotting the slow group in
the clubhouse, they went right after them. The club pro
saw this spectacle and pulled aside the guys. He said,
"Didn't you know that the foursome ahead of you are all
*blind*; they're taking part in a special event."
After hearing this, the foursome
immediately had a change
of heart. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor
said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The lawyer said "I'll bet someone was negligent, I'll
represent all four in court.
The club pro considered their
new statements a great
improvement. He turning to the fourth member, said,
"And what are you going to do for them?"
The engineer, still noticeably
upset, retorted, "Nothing,
they could have played last night!"
Squirrel Golf (S489c,d)
In this dumb, but cute SWF game
you get golf driving practice
using humerous squirrels as the golf balls. You can play it
at the source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Two Golf Buddies Talk (DU)
A golfer ran into an old buddy
at the driving range one day.
They talked about their games, their swings, and all kinds
of things. Eventually, one of them said, " How's the family?"
The other replied, "Oh, pretty good. I got a new set of clubs
for my wife the other day!" "Hey, good trade!" replied his buddy!
Subj: Three Guys And Their Wives Play Golf (S290b, S608c)
From: thebartend on 8/20/2002
An Englishman, Irishman and a
Scotsman are all playing golf
with their wives. The Englishman's wife steps up to the
tee and as she bends over to place her ball a gust of wind
blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God! Why aren't you
wearing any knickers?" her
"Well, you don't give me enough
housekeeping money to
afford to buy any."
The Englishman immediately reaches
into his pocket and
says, "For the sake of decency here's 50 pounds, go and
buy yourself some underwear".
Next the Irishman's wife bends
over to set her ball on the
tee. Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no
"Bejesus woman. You've no knickers - why not?"
She replies "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and
says, "For the sake of
decency here's 20 pounds, go and buy yourself some
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends
over. The wind also
takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is
naked under it.
"Hoot, lassie! Why d'ye have no knickers?"
She too explains, "You don't
give me enough housekeeping
money to be able to afford any."
The Scot reaches into his pocket
and says, "For the sake
of decency here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a bit!"
Frank and Ernest On Golf (S601c)
In this cartoon, Frank and Ernest
discuss golf. Click
'HERE' to see the strip.
Subj: Three Guys And Gal Play Golf (S172, S465)
From: rlr29 on 5/19/00
and From: darrell94590 on 12/16/2005
Four lawyers in a law firm lived
and died for their
Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite
moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was
transferred to an office in another city. It wasn't
quite the same without him.
A new woman lawyer joined their
law firm. One day she
overheard the remaining three talking about their golf
round at the coffee table. Curious, she spoke up, "You
know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I
was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next
The three lawyers looked at each
other. They were
hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but
she had them on the spot.
Finally one man said it would
be okay, but they would
be starting pretty early at 6:30 am. He figured the
early Tee-Time would discourage her immediately. The
woman said this might be a problem and asked if she
could possibly be up to 15 minutes late.
They rolled their eyes but said
this would be okay. She
smiled and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at
6:30 or 6:45." She showed up right at 6:30 and wound
up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under
par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire
round. The guys were impressed!
Back in the Clubhouse they congratulated
her and happily
invited her back the next week. She smiled and said
"Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again showed
up at 6:30 Saturday
morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The
three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to
beat them with an even par round despite playing with
her off-hand. By now the guys were totally amazed, but
wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad
by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her
out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to
be showing them up, but each man began to harbor a
burning desire to beat her!
In the third week they all had
their game faces on.
But this week she was 15 minutes late! This had the
guys irritable because each was determined to play the
best round of golf of his life to beat her.
As they waited for her, they
figured her late arrival
was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally she
showed up. This week the lady lawyer played right-
handed which was a good thing since she narrowly beat
all three of them. However she was so gracious and
so complimentary of their strong play, it was hard to
keep a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle
no one could figure out! Back in the clubhouse she
had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability.
They had a couple beers after their round which helped
the conversation loosen up. Finally one of the men
could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her
point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to
golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushed and grinned.
She said, "That's easy.
When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was
ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back
"Then when I met my husband in
college and got married,
I discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then
on I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in
the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers
off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the
right, I golfed right-handed and if it was pointed to
the left, I golfed left-handed.
All the girls on the team thought
this was hysterical.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the
guys shot back, "But what if it's pointed straight up
in the air?" She said, "Duh!!!! Then I'm fifteen
Subj: Three Guys And Bobby Play Golf (S226)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #21
and From: gheckman on 5/25/2001
There was this group of four
guys that were avid golfers and
played every weekend. One week one of the four was unable to
make it to the game. The guy that was unable to make it left
a message at the clubhouse that said, "The tee time is set
and you are going to play with my friend Bobby so that you
will still have your foursome."
The other three guys show up
at the appointed tee time and
were met by a beautiful woman who introduced herself as Bobby.
The other three were a little wary about playing with a woman
but since they didn't want to miss their tee time they went
ahead and played. After playing the front nine they were
pretty loosened up around Bobby especially after they found
out that she could play. The foursome walks up to the par
five eighteenth hole. Bobby who is shooting a respectable
two over makes two near perfect shots to get within 25ft of
the hole. She turns to the other three and says, "Guys, I
think I know you well enough for this so I'll tell you. I
am a scratch handicap golfer and I have never done better
than three putt this hole. Whoever can help me make this
putt and go even for the round I'll take that person off to
the no tell motel and we'll fuck like rabbits."
The first guy looks serious and
says, "it will break 3 inches
to the right." The second guy goes, "Nope, it's going to
break 6 inches to the left." The third guy looks at Bobby,
sighs, walks over and picks up the ball and says, "Gee guys
looks like a gimmee to me!"
Subj: Father, Son, Grandpa, and Blonde Play Golf (S290, S609c)
From: thebartend on 8/23/2002
A father, son and grandson go
out to the country club for
their weekly round of golf. Just as they reach the first
tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of
clubs approaches them. She explains that the member who
brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency
which called him away and asks the trio whether she can join
them. Naturally, the guys all agree.
Smiling, the blonde thanks them
and says, "Look, fellows,
I work in a bar as an exotic dancer, so nothing shocks me
anymore. If any of you wants to smoke, have a beer, bet,
take a leak, swear or tell off-color stories or do anything
that you normally do when playing a round together, go
ahead. But I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty
good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my
shots." With that the guys agree to relax and invite her
to drive first.
All eyes are fastened on her
shapely behind as she bends
to place her ball on the tee. She then takes her driver
and hits the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front
of the green.
The father's mouth is agape. "Wow that was beautiful."
The blonde puts her driver away
and says, "I really didn't
get into it and I should have faded it a little."
After the three guys hit their
drives and their second
shots (she was closest to the pin) the blonde takes out a
nine iron and lofts the ball within five feet of the hole.
The son says, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."
The blonde frowns and says, "It
was a little weak. I've
left a tricky little putt."
After the son buries a long putt
for a par, dad two putts
for a bogey and granddad overruns the green with his
pitching wedge, chips back and putts for a double bogey,
the blonde taps in the five-footer for a birdie.
The guys all congratulate her on her fine game.
She puts her putter back in the
bag and says, "Thanks,
but I really haven't played much lately, and I'm a little
rusty. Maybe I'll really get into the next drive."
Having the honors she drives
first on the second hole and
knocks the hell out of the ball, and it lands nearly 300
yards away smack in the middle of the fairway. For the
rest of the round the statuesque blonde continues to amaze
the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or
less on every hole.
When the get to the 18th green,
the blonde is three under
par, but has a nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green
for a par.
She turns to the guys and says,
"I really want to thank
you for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling
me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this
putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this
course. If any one of you can tell me how to make par
on this hole, I'll take him back to my apartment, pour
some 25-year old single malt in him, fix him a dinner and
then have sex with him the rest of the night."
The yuppie son jumps at the thought.
He strolls across
the green, carefully eyes the line of the putt and finally
says, "Honey, aim for about 3 inches to the right of the
hole and hit it firm. It will get over the little hump
and break right into the cup."
The father kneels down and sights
the putt using his
putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darlin',
you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and run
it left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."
The old gray-haired grandfather
walks over to the blonde's
ball on the green, picks it up and hands it to her. "That's
a gimme, sweetheart Your car or mine?"
Subj: Four Golfers Talk About Their Sons (S341, S534c)
From: hellgunner50 on 8/8/2003
and From: darrell94590 on 4/11/2007
Four men went golfing one day.
Three of them headed to the
first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care
of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging
about their sons. The first man told the others, 'My son is
a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend
a new home for free. Just gave it to him!'
The second man said, 'My son
was a car salesman, and now he
owns a multiline dealership. He's so successful that he gave
one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded.'
The third man, not wanting to
be out done, bragged, 'My son
is a stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his
friend an entire portfolio.'
The fourth man joined them on
the tee after a few minutes of
taking care of business. The first man mentioned, 'We were
just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?'
The fourth man replied, 'Well,
my son is gay and go-go dances
in a gay bar.' The other three men grew silent as he continued.
"'I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must
be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a
brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio."
Subj: Golfer Has Operation (S610c)
Four guys got together for their
weekly golfing when one of
the buddies announced that he would have to miss the following
week's outing because of scheduled surgery.
"Hope it's not serious," one friend said. "Everything okay?"
"You guys may have noticed that
I never showered with you,"
the guy replied. "That's because, through some fluke, I was
somehow born with both male and female genitalia and I was
too embarrassed to let anyone see. The doctor is going to
sew up the vagina."
"Are you crazy?" Have him
cut off your balls. Then you can
hit from the red tees!"
Herman Comic Strip (S648)
By Jim Unger
From: WashingtonPost.com on 6/7/2009
This cute comic strip discusses
proper stance in golf.
Click 'HERE' to view this strip.
...........................Lady golfer from Smiley_Central