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Subj:     Golf2 Jokes
                 (Includes 34 jokes and articles, 24949n,12,cf,wXT1a,10)

Golg Green from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  B.C. Comic Strip (S609c)
.........................Aflac Commercial: "Fore! Days" (S904)
.........................Four Golfers Talk About Their Sons (S341, S534c)
.........................Golfer Has Operation (S610c)
.........................Walk On - ESPN Video (S636)
.........................The Perfect Shot (S535)
.........................Golfer's Wife In ICU (S513c)
.........................Golfer fantastiskt kul - Video (S533)
.........................Lady Golfer Cusses (S474)
.........................Golfer And His Bride On The Honeymoon (S188, S606b)
.........................Why Play Golf (S603)
.........................Golfer's Wife Has Heart Attack On Course (S159, S568c)
.........................The Ambidextrous Golfer (S144, S615b)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S637b)
.........................Stevie Wonder Meets Jack Nicklaus (S515)
.........................Man Lost On Golf Course (S55, S420)
.........................Golf Poem (S592)
.........................Golfer Murders Wife (DU)
.........................Jesus And Moses Play Golf (S607c)
.........................Golf Ball Washer - Video (S645)
.........................Jesus, Moses And An Old Man Play Golf (S213, S607)
.........................Golfer Hits Bad Slice (S519b)
.........................Greatest Hole-In-One Golf Shot - Video (S668b)
.........................Golfer Practices Driving (S711b)
.........................Tiger Woods Stops For Gas (S337)
.........................Golfer Has Auto Accident - Cartoon (S456b)
.........................Golf Bet (DU)
.........................Blind Play Golf (S333, S589)
.........................Squirrel Golf - Game (S489c)
.........................Two Golf Buddies Talk (DU)
.........................Three Guys And Their Wives Play Golf (S290b, S608c)
.........................Three Guys And Gal Play Golf (S172, S465)
.........................Three Guys And Bobby Play Golf (S226)
.........................Father, Son, Grandpa, And Blonde Play Golf (S290, S609c)
.........................Herman Sunday Comic Strip (S648)

GOLF1 and 2 file has best jokes
GOLF3 file contains jokes, oddities and Q/A
============================================================Top
Subj:     B.C. Comic Strip (S609c)
          By Mason Mastroianni on 9/12/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/bc/2008/09/12
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Top
Subj:     Aflac Commercial: "Fore! Days" (S904d)
          From: Joseph Michaud on Facebook
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/P9XhX7By7h4

 Aflac's duck plays a bad round of golf.  Click 'HERE'
 to see this cute commercial.

Top
Subj:     Four Golfers Talk About Their Sons (S341, S534c)
          From: hellgunner50 on 8/8/2003
      and From: darrell94590 on 4/11/2007

 Four men went golfing one day.  Three of them headed to the
 first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care
 of the bill.  The three men started talking and bragging
 about their sons. The first man told the others, 'My son is
 a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend
 a new home for free.  Just gave it to him!'

 The second man said, 'My son was a car salesman, and now he
 owns a multiline dealership.  He's so successful that he gave
 one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded.'

 The third man, not wanting to be out done, bragged, 'My son
 is a stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his
 friend an entire portfolio.'

 The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of
 taking care of business.  The first man mentioned, 'We were
 just talking about our sons.  How is yours doing?'

 The fourth man replied, 'Well, my son is gay and go-go dances
 in a gay bar.'  The other three men grew silent as he continued.
 "'I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must
 be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a
 brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio."

Top
Subj:     Golfer Has Operation (S610c)

 Four guys got together for their weekly golfing when one of
 the buddies announced that he would have to miss the following
 week's outing because of scheduled surgery.

 "Hope it's not serious," one friend said.  "Everything okay?"

 "You guys may have noticed that I never showered with you,"
 the guy replied.  "That's because, through some fluke, I was
 somehow born with both male and female genitalia and I was
 too embarrassed to let anyone see.  The doctor is going to
 sew up the vagina."

 "Are you crazy?"  Have him cut off your balls.  Then you can
 hit from the red tees!"

Top
Subj:     Walk On - ESPN Video (S636d)
          From: ft.apache on 3/14/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUSHN5EB0v8

 This is the story of D.J.Gregory who has cerebral palsy.
 This video features DJ Gregory and his dream to walk
 every hole of every golf tournament on the PGA tour.
 Click 'HERE' to see the wonderful, heartwarming story.

Top
Subj:     The Perfect Shot (S535)
          From: AFine963 on 4/20/2007

 A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity.
 He was driving his partner nuts, as he looked up, looked
 down, measured the distance, figured the wind direction  and
 speed.  Finally, his exasperated partner said, "What's
 taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"

 The guy answers, "My wife's up there watching me from the
 clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

 His partner mumbled, "Forget it, man, you'll never hit her
 from here!"

Top
Subj:     Golfer's Wife In ICU (S513c)
          From: darrell94590 on 11/17/2006

 A man was at the Country Club for his weekly round of golf.
 He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a
 birdie on the second.  On the third hole he had just scored
 his first hole-in-one when his cell phone rang.  It was a
 doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible
 accident and was in critical condition in the ICU.

 The man asked the doctor to inform his wife where he was and
 that he'd be there as soon as possible.  As he hung up, he
 realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best-
 ever round of golf.

 He decided to get in a couple more holes before heading to
 the hospital.  He ended up finishing all eighteen.  He
 finished his round shooting a personal best of 61 shattering
 the Club Record by five strokes and beating his previous best
 game by more than 10!!!

 He was jubilant, then remembering his wife, he dashed to the
 hospital.  In the corridor, he saw the doctor and asked about
 his wife's condition.  The doctor glared at him and shouted,
 "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!
 I hope you're proud of yourself!  While you were out for the
 past four hours enjoying yourself at the Country Club your
 wife has been languishing in the ICU!  It's just as well you
 went ahead and finished that round because it will be more
 than likely your last!  For the rest of her life she will
 require 'round-the-clock care.  And you'll be her care-giver!"

 The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.  The
 doctor started to snicker and said, "Just kidding!!!  She
 died more than two hours ago. What'd you shoot??!!"

Top
Subj:     Golfer fantastiskt kul (S533d)
          From: auntiegah on 4/5/2007
 Source: http://bubblare.se/golf_ar_fantastiskt_kul/

 This video is very funny.  Don't miss it.  You can see it
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Lady Golfer Cusses (S474)
          From: Dickschu on 2/9/2006

 A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another four-
 some of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee.  The ladies
 are taking their time, when finally the last lady is ready
 to hit the ball.

 She hacks it 10 feet, goes over, whiffs it, and then hacks it
 maybe another 10 feet, then hacks it another 5 feet.

 She looks up at the men who are watching and says apologet-
 ically, "I guess all those f---ing lessons I took this winter
 didn't help."

 One of the men immediately replies, "Well, there you have it
 lady.  You should have taken golf lessons instead.

Top
Subj:     Golfer And His Bride On The Honeymoon (S188, S606b)
          From: thebartend on 09/08/2000

 (Also see 'Ed And Nancy Met On A Cruise Ship' in Golf3)

 On their honeymoon the new husband told his bride, "I have
 a confession that I should have made before, but I was
 concerned that it might affect our relationship."

 "What is it?" she asked.

 "I'm a golfer," he said.

 "What's the big deal about that?" she asked.

 He replied, "When I say I'm a golfer, I mean that I'll be
 on the course Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday afternoon, and
 any holidays.  If it comes to a choice between your wishes
 and golf - golf wins."

 She pondered a moment and said, "I thank you for your
 honesty.  In the same spirit of honesty, I should tell
 you that I've concealed something about my own past that
 you should know about.  I'm a hooker."

 "No problem," was his response, "just widen your stance a
 little and overlap your grip and that should clear right up."

Top
Subj:     Why Play Golf (S603) 
          From: tom on 7/27/2008

 These twenty-six photos provide a compelling argument on
 why golf is a great sport.  Click 'HERE' to view them.

Top
Subj:     Golfer's Wife Has Heart Attack On Course
          From: thebartend on 02/16/2000
      and From: tom on 12/9/2007 (S159, S568c)

 The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when
 she collapsed from a heart attack.  "Please dear, I need
 help." she said.

 The husband ran off saying "I'll go get some help." A little
 while later he returned, picked up his club and began to
 line up his shot on the green.

 His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, "I'm
 may be dying and you're putting?"

 "Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who
 said he come and help."

 "The second hole???  When in the hell is he coming???"

 "Hey! I told ya not to worry." he said, practice stroking
 his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."

Top
Subj:     The Ambidextrous Golfer (S144, S615b)
          From: KMacinty on 11/02/1999
      and From: DoctorDebt on 5/10/2005

 Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7:00
 a.m. on Sunday.  Unfortunately, one of them got transferred out
 of town and they were talking about trying to fill out the four-
 some.  A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf,
 can I join the group?"  They were hesitant, but said she could
 come once to try it and they could see what they thought.  They
 all agreed and she said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

 She showed up right at 6:30, played right-handed, and wound up
 setting a course record with a 7-under par round.  The guys went
 nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her.  Meanwhile,
 she was fun and pleasant the entire round.  The guys happily
 invited her back the next week and she said "Sure, I'll be here
 at 6:30 or 6:45."

 Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning.  Only this time,
 she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the
 previous week.  By now the guys were totally amazed, and they
 asked  her to join the group for keeps.

 They had a beer after their round, and one of the guys asked her,
 "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-
 handed?"  She said, "That's easy.  Before I leave for the golf
 course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude.
 If his member is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed; if
 it's pointed to the left, I golf left-handed."

 One of the guys asked, "What if it's pointed straight up?"

 She said, "Then I'll be here at 6:45."

Top
(S637b)
     by John Graziano on 3/23/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/03/23
 
Click on the button below

     for this amazing 

       true story.
 

.......

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Top
Subj:     Stevie Wonder Meets Jack Nicklaus (S515)
          From: thebartend on 98-09-03

 Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns
 to Wonder and says: "How is the singing career going?"

 Stevie Wonder says: "Not too bad, the latest album has gone
 into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good.
 By the way how is the golf."

 Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as
 I used to but I/m still making a bit of money.  I have some
 problems with my swing but I think I have got that right now."

 Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes
 wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it,
 then the next time I play it seems to be all right."

 Jack Nicklaus says: "You play golf!"

 Stevie Wonder says: "Yes, I have been playing for years."

 And Nicklaus says: "But I thought you were blind, how can
 you play golf if you are blind?"  He replies: "I get my
 caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls
 to me, I listen for the sound of his voice and play the
 ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands
 the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway
 and again I play the ball towards his voice."

 "But how do you putt?" says Nicklaus.

 "Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front
 of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and
 I just play the ball to the sound of his voice."

 Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"

 Stevie says: "Well, I play off scratch."

 Nicklaus is incredulous and says to Stevie, "We must play a
 game sometime."

 Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously so I
 only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000
 a hole."

 Nicklaus thinks it over and says, "OK, I'm up for that -
 when would you like to play?"

 "I don't care - any night next week is OK with me."

Top
Subj:     Man Lost On Golf Course (S55, S420)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #41 on 98-02-11
      and From: DoctorDebt on 2/7/2005

 A man had to go to a strange town to be the guest speaker at
 a business meeting. When he arrived at the Motel in town, he
 found that he had a lot of time before the meeting. He asked
 the clerk where the nearest golf course was and was given
 directions on how to get there.

 While playing on the front nine, he was going over the speech
 in his mind and became confused as to where he was on the
 course.  Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.
 He walked up to her and told her about his big meeting and
 the speech he was to make and his confusion about where he
 was on the course, asked her if she knew what hole he was
 playing. She replied " I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole
 behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole". He thanked her and
 went back to his golf.

 On the back nine the same thing happened. and he approached
 her again with the same request.  She said "I'm on the 14th,
 you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th".  Once
 again he thanked her and returned to his play.

 He finished his round and went into the club house where he
 saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.  He asked the
 bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she
 was a sales lady and played the course often.

 He approached her and said, "let me buy you a drink to show
 my appreciation for your help.  I understand that you are a
 sales lady, well I am in sales also. What do you sell"?

 She replied, "if I told you, you would only laugh."

 "No I wouldn't", he said and persisted that she tell him
 what she sold.

 "Well if you must know", she answered, "I sell Tampax".  With
 that, he fell on the floor and laughed so hard he almost lost
 his breath.

 She said "see I knew you would laugh."

 "That's not what I'm laughing at" he replied, "I'm a toilet
 paper salesman,  so I'm still a hole behind you!"

Top
Subj:     Golf Poem (S592)
          From: tom on 5/19/2008
Golf ball from The Wire...

 In my hand I hold a ball....
 White and dimpled, rather small....
 Oh, how bland it does appear....
 This harmless looking little sphere....

 By its size I could not guess....
 The awesome strength it does possess....
 But since I fell beneath it's spell....
 I've wandered through the fires of hell..

 My life has not been quite the same....
 Since I chose to play this stupid game....
 It rules my mind for hours on end...
 A fortune it has made me spend....

 It has made me swear and yell and cry....
 I hate myself and want to die....
 It promises a thing called par....
 If I can hit straight and far....

 To master such a tiny ball....
 Should not be very hard at all
 But my desires the ball refuses....
 And does exactly like it chooses....

 It hooks and slices, dribbles and dies....
 And even disappears before my eyes....
 Often it will take a whim....
 To hit a tree or take a swim....

 With miles of grass on which to land....
 It finds a tiny patch of sand....
 Then has me offering up my soul....
 If only it would find the hole....

 It's made me whimper like a pup....
 And swear that I will give it up....
 And take a drink to ease my sorrow....
 But the ball knows..... I'll be back tomorrow!!!!

Top
Subj:     Golfer Murders Wife (DU)
..........From: Bawdy.Net Collage #229 on 98-02-08

 The police arrived and found a woman dead on her living room
 floor with a golf club next to her body.  They asked the
 husband, "Is this your wife?"

 "Yes," he replied.

 "Did you kill her?"

 "Yes, he replied."

 "It looks like you struck her eight times with this 3-iron.
 Is that correct?"

 "Yes," he replied, "...but put me down for a five."

Top
Subj:     Jesus And Moses Play Golf (S607c)

 Jesus and Moses are playing golf at this secluded resort...
 They're having a swell time, until they get to this cute
 little water hazard....  Jesus looks at the pond and announces
 to Moses that he can make it across.. Moses is a little sceptical
 but Jesus says "If Arnold Palmer can do it, so can I.."

 Thwack goes the ball but it doesn't quite make it.  Jesus looks
 at Moses and Moses raises his hands and parts the water.  Jesus
 then proceeds to hit his ball out.

 The two go on playing until they get to another water hazard.
 This time it is a small lake.  Jesus states "I can make it
 across"

 Moses says "I dunno, it's bigger than that pond...."

 Jesus replies "I'm the son of God, if Arnold Palmer can do, I
 can Too."  With that he swung his club.  *Plink* the ball falls
 in 3 quarters of the way across. Jesus looks at Moses, Moses
 sighs and parts the water.

 Everything is going just fine UNTIL the two get to a third
 Giant Water Hazard.  Jesus says "Never Fear, I can make it
 across..."

 By this time Moses is fed up ... "You couldn't make it across
 the other two hazards, why do you think you can make across
 this one?!!!"

 Jesus replies harshly "Look... I'm Jesus H. Christ, The Son
 of GOD, King of Kings, the Almighty Lord, if Arnold Palmer,
 a mere mortal, can make it across, SO CAN I!!!!!" *Thwack*
 *plink* the ball doesn't even make it halfway.....

 Jesus looks at Moses, but Moses crosses his arms and says,
 "No way.. Go get your own ball...."

 So Jesus walks on the water, peering down for his ball...

 Meanwhile another golfer walks up to Moses, and upon seeing
 Jesus on the water, he grabs Moses's arm and screams "Who
 does he think he is?? JESUS CHRIST???!!!!"

 To which a calm Moses replies "No. Arnold Palmer..."

Top
Subj:     Golf Ball Washer (S645d)
          From: rfslick on 5/17/2009
 Source: http://www.funvid.hu/swf/player.swf?vid_id=104920

 Click 'HERE' to watch this X rated short video clip.

Top
Subj:     Jesus, Moses And An Old Man Play Golf (S213, S607)
          From: RFSlick on 3/2/2001

 Moses, Jesus and some 'ol geezer were going to play a round
 of golf.  Moses teed off, the ball went right into the pond.
 "No problem!" he said.  Moses walked over, parted the water,
 and hit the ball again.  This time it landed about one foot
 from the hole.

 Jesus then teed off and the ball went flying off to the left,
 hit a tree, then miraculously bounced within about six inches
 of the hole.  The 'ol geezer stepped up and teed off.  As the
 ball headed right for the pond, a huge bass jumped up and
 grabbed the ball in its mouth.  Suddenly an eagle swooped
 down, grabbed the bass and flew over the green.  The bass
 dropped the ball and it rolled within two inches of the hole!
 All of a sudden a worm popped up and knocked the ball in.  A
 hole in one.

 Moses looked at Jesus and said, "You know, I really hate it
 when your dad plays."

Top
Subj:     Golfer Hits Bad Slice (S519b)
          From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 1/5/2007

 A man steps up for a tee shot with a row of trees and out of
 bounds on the right side.  He slices it wildly and it heads
 off in the direction of the trees.  He reloads and forgets
 about the ball.  About 15 minutes later, a highway patrolman
 approaches him.  "This your ball?" asks the policeman.

 "Yes, I think it is."

 "Well," says the officer, "it went over the trees and through
 the window of a house.  It hit a cat and the cat ran out the
 front door.  A school bus was driving by at the time and the
 driver, while trying to miss the cat, hit a tree.  The bus
 exploded in flames, and there were no survivors."

 "Gee, I'm sorry." said the golfer.  "Is there anything I can
 do?"

 The policeman replied, "Well, you might try keeping your left
 arm a little straighter and start your downswing with your
 hips."

Top
Subj:     Greatest Hole-In-One Golf Shot (S668b,d)
          From: Wimp.com on 10/28/2008
 Source: http://www.wimp.com/holeone/

 Click 'HERE' to see the world's most amazing hole-in-one golf shot.

Top
Subj:     Golfer Practices Driving (S711b)
          From: tom on 8/31/2010

 (Also see 'Jogger Grabs Tennis Ball' in TENNIS)

 An avid golfer goes to the local golf course to get in a
 couple hours of practice after work one day.  He hits a
 large bucket of balls on the driving range, but still
 hasn't corrected the slice he's working on.  Not having
 enough money to buy another bucket of balls and being
 all alone on the practice tee, he walks up the edge of
 the driving range picking up balls in the weeds and
 bushes so as not to be noticed.

 Pretty soon, he can carry no more, so he stuffs twenty
 or so in the front pockets of his baggy pants until they
 are full.  Walking back to the tee, he notices a pretty
 young lady has come up to hit balls on the range also.
 As he gets closer, she notices the bulges in his pants
 and makes a strange expression on her face.

 Seeing this, the golfer is a little embarrassed and,
 wanting to explain, says, "Oh...they're just golf balls..."

 The young lady looks at him sympathetically and says,
 "Wow, is that anything like tennis elbow?"

Top
Subj:     Tiger Woods Stops For Gas (S337)
          From TNKRTEACH on 97-03-29
      and From: BennoRo on 7/10/2003

 (Also see 'Cadillac Gets Gas In Arkansas' in ARKANSAS)

 Tiger Woods is driving his new Buick Rendezvous through
 backwoods country to his next golf match.  He stops at a
 one-pump gas station.  A hillbilly comes out to fill the
 tank and starts looking inside of the car.

 "What's that thing?" he asks, pointing to the stereo.

 "It's a CD/cassette player with 12 speaker stereo sound,"
 replies Tiger.

 "Whoa, this car's got everything!" says the hillbilly.
 "What's that thing?"

 "That's the automatic cruise control, lets me set the speed
 and I don't have to step on the gas pedal," says Woods.

 "Whoa, this car's got everything!"  Pointing to some tees on
 the seat the hillbilly inquires, "What'er those things for?"

 "I put my balls on them to drive."

 "Whoa, this car's got EVERYTHING!!!"

Top
Subj:     Golfer Has Auto Accident (S456b)
          From: darrell94590 on 10/20/2005

 You can view this cute cartoon by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Golf Bet (DU)

 Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a
 match, with a $100 bet on the side.  "But," said the duffer,
 "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a
 bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."

 The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went
 along with it. And off they went.

 Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members
 were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
 "What happened?" asked one of the members.

 "Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole,
 and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand
 between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!'
 Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for
 the second 'gotcha'?"

Top
Subj:     The Blind Play Golf (S333, S589)
          From: szalay on 6/18/2003
      and From: darrellvip on 5/2/2008

 A pastor, a doctor, a lawyer and an engineer were playing
 golf.  The foursome, who were very low-handicapped players,
 were playing on their normal golf course.  Unusually, the
 play was very slow and the players began to get frustrated.
 By the tenth hole, they began firing their tee shots at the
 foursome ahead of them, who were constantly in the woods
 and were the root cause of the slow play.

 Finally, the good foursome finished their round, coming in
 just under eight hours.  After spotting the slow group in
 the clubhouse, they went right after them.  The club pro
 saw this spectacle and pulled aside the guys.  He said,
 "Didn't you know that the foursome ahead of you are all
 *blind*; they're taking part in a special event."

 After hearing this, the foursome immediately had a change
 of heart.  The pastor said, "That's so sad.  I think I
 will say a special prayer for  them tonight."  The doctor
 said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
 buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
 The lawyer said "I'll bet someone was negligent, I'll
 represent all four in court.

 The club pro considered their new statements a great
 improvement.  He turning to the fourth member, said,
 "And what are you going to do for them?"

 The engineer, still noticeably upset, retorted, "Nothing,
 they could have played last night!"

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Subj:     Squirrel Golf (S489c,d)
          From: ArcadeManiacs.com on 6/21/2006
 Source: (Removed from arcademaniacs.com)

 In this dumb, but cute SWF game you get golf driving
 practice using humerous squirrels as the golf balls.
 You can play it by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Two Golf Buddies Talk (DU)

 A golfer ran into an old buddy at the driving range one day.
 They talked about their games, their swings, and all kinds
 of things.  Eventually, one of them said, " How's the family?"
 The other replied, "Oh, pretty good. I got a new set of clubs
 for my wife the other day!" "Hey, good trade!" replied his buddy!

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Subj:     Three Guys And Their Wives Play Golf (S290b, S608c)
          From: thebartend on 8/20/2002

 An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf
 with their wives.  The Englishman's wife steps up to the
 tee and as she bends over to place her ball a gust of wind
 blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

 "Good God!  Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her
 husband demanded.

 "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to
 afford to buy any."

 The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and
 says, "For the sake of decency here's 50 pounds, go and
 buy yourself some underwear".

 Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the
 tee.  Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no
 undies.

 "Bejesus woman.  You've no knickers - why not?"

 She replies "I can't afford any on the money you give me."

 He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of
 decency here's 20 pounds, go and buy yourself some
 underwear!".

 Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over.  The wind also
 takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is
 naked under it.

 "Hoot, lassie!  Why d'ye have no knickers?"

 She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping
 money to be able to afford any."

 The Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake
 of decency here's a comb.  Tidy yourself up a bit!"

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Subj:     Three Guys And Gal Play Golf (S172, S465)
          From: rlr29 on 5/19/00
      and From: darrell94590 on 12/16/2005

 Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their
 Saturday morning round of golf.  It was their favorite
 moment of the week.  Then  one of the lawyers was
 transferred to an office in another city.  It wasn't
 quite the same without him.

 A new woman lawyer joined their law firm.  One day she
 overheard the remaining three talking about their golf
 round at the coffee table.  Curious, she spoke up, "You
 know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I
 was pretty good.  Would you mind if I joined you next
 week?"

 The three lawyers looked at each other.  They were
 hesitant.  Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but
 she had them on the spot.

 Finally one man said it would be okay, but they would
 be starting pretty early at 6:30 am.  He figured the
 early Tee-Time would discourage her immediately.  The
 woman said this might be a problem and asked if she
 could possibly be up to 15 minutes late.

 They rolled their eyes but said this would be okay.  She
 smiled and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at
 6:30 or  6:45."  She showed up right at 6:30 and wound
 up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under
 par round.  She was a fun and pleasant person the entire
 round.  The guys were impressed!

 Back in the Clubhouse they congratulated her and happily
 invited her back the next week.  She smiled and said
 "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45."

 The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday
 morning.  Only this time, she played left-handed.  The
 three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to
 beat them with an even par round despite playing  with
 her off-hand.  By now the guys were totally amazed, but
 wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad
 by beating them left-handed.  They couldn't figure her
 out.  She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to
 be showing them up, but each man began to harbor a
 burning desire to beat her!

 In the third week they all had their game faces on.
 But this week she was 15 minutes late!  This had the
 guys irritable because each was determined to play the
 best round of golf of his life to beat her.

 As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival
 was some petty gamesmanship on her part.  Finally she
 showed up.  This week the lady lawyer played right-
 handed which was a good thing since she narrowly beat
 all three of them.  However she was so gracious and
 so complimentary of their strong play, it was hard to
 keep a grudge against her.  This woman was a riddle
 no one could figure out!  Back in the clubhouse she
 had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability.
 They had a couple beers after their round which helped
 the conversation loosen up.  Finally one of the men
 could contain his  curiosity no longer.  He asked her
 point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to
 golf right-handed or left-handed?"

 The lady blushed and grinned.  She said, "That's easy.
 When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was
 ambidextrous.  I have always had fun switching back
 and forth.

 "Then when I met my husband in college and got married,
 I discovered he always sleeps in the nude.  From then
 on I developed a silly habit.  Right before I left in
 the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers
 off him.  If his you-know-what was pointing to the
 right, I golfed right-handed and if it was pointed to
 the left, I golfed left-handed.

 All the girls on the team thought this was hysterical.
 Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the
 guys shot back, "But what if it's pointed straight up
 in the air?"  She said, "Duh!!!! Then I'm fifteen
 minutes late."

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Subj:     Three Guys And Bobby Play Golf (S226)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #21
      and From: gheckman on 5/25/2001

 There was this group of four guys that were avid golfers and
 played every weekend. One week one of the four was unable to
 make it to the game.  The guy that was unable to make it left
 a message at the clubhouse that said, "The tee time is set
 and you are going to play with my friend Bobby so that you
 will still have your foursome."

 The other three guys show up at the appointed tee time and
 were met by a beautiful woman who introduced herself as Bobby.
 The other three were a little wary about playing with a woman
 but since they didn't want to miss their tee time they went
 ahead and played.  After playing the front nine they were
 pretty loosened up around Bobby especially after they found
 out that she could play.  The foursome walks up to the par
 five eighteenth hole.  Bobby who is shooting a respectable
 two over makes two near perfect shots to get within 25ft of
 the hole.  She turns to the other three and says, "Guys, I
 think I know you well enough for this so I'll tell you.  I
 am a scratch handicap golfer and I have never done better
 than three putt this hole.  Whoever can help me make this
 putt and go even for the round I'll take that person off to
 the no tell motel and we'll fuck like rabbits."

 The first guy looks serious and says, "it will break 3 inches
 to the right."  The second guy goes, "Nope, it's going to
 break 6 inches to the left."  The third guy looks at Bobby,
 sighs, walks over and picks up the ball and says, "Gee guys
 looks like a gimmee to me!"

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Second Version
Subj:     Father, Son, Grandpa, and Blonde Play Golf (S290, S609c)
          From: thebartend on 8/23/2002

 A father, son and grandson go out to the country club for
 their weekly round of golf.  Just as they reach the first
 tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of
 clubs approaches them.  She explains that the member who
 brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency
 which called him away and asks the trio whether she can join
 them.  Naturally, the guys all agree.

 Smiling, the blonde thanks them and says, "Look, fellows,
 I work in a bar as an exotic dancer, so nothing shocks me
 anymore.  If any of you wants to smoke, have a beer, bet,
 take a leak, swear or tell off-color stories or do anything
 that you normally do when playing a round together, go
 ahead.  But I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty
 good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my
 shots."  With that the guys agree to relax and invite her
 to drive first.

 All eyes are fastened on her shapely behind as she bends
 to place her ball on the tee.  She then takes her driver
 and hits the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front
 of the green.

 The father's mouth is agape.  "Wow that was beautiful."

 The blonde puts her driver away and says, "I really didn't
 get into it and I should have faded it a little."

 After the three guys hit their drives and their second
 shots (she was closest to the pin) the blonde takes out a
 nine iron and lofts the ball within five feet of the hole.

 The son says, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."

 The blonde frowns and says, "It was a little weak.  I've
 left a tricky little putt."

 After the son buries a long putt for a par, dad two putts
 for a bogey and granddad overruns the green with his
 pitching wedge, chips back and putts for a double bogey,
 the blonde taps in the five-footer for a birdie.

 The guys all congratulate her on her fine game.

 She puts her putter back in the bag and says, "Thanks,
 but I really haven't played much lately, and I'm a little
 rusty.  Maybe I'll really get into the next drive."

 Having the honors she drives first on the second hole and
 knocks the hell out of the ball, and it lands nearly 300
 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway.  For the
 rest of the round the statuesque blonde continues to amaze
 the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or
 less on every hole.

 When the get to the 18th green, the blonde is three under
 par, but has a nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green
 for a par.

 She turns to the guys and says, "I really want to thank
 you for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling
 me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this
 putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this
 course.  If any one of you can tell me how to make par
 on this hole, I'll take him back to my apartment, pour
 some 25-year old single malt in him, fix him a dinner and
 then have sex with him the rest of the night."

 The yuppie son jumps at the thought.  He strolls across
 the green, carefully eyes the line of the putt and finally
 says, "Honey, aim for about 3 inches to the right of the
 hole and hit it firm.  It will get over the little hump
 and break right into the cup."

 The father kneels down and sights the putt using his
 putter as a plumb.  "Don't listen to the kid, darlin',
 you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and run
 it left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."

 The old gray-haired grandfather walks over to the blonde's
 ball on the green, picks it up and hands it to her.  "That's
 a gimme, sweetheart Your car or mine?"

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Subj:     Herman Sunday Comic Strip (S648)
          By Jim Unger on 6/7/2009
 Source: http://comics.com/herman/

 This cute comic strip discusses proper stance in golf.
 Click 'HERE' to view this strip.

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