Subj: Hunting And Camping Jokes
(Includes 39 jokes and articles, 10840,9,cf,md4,7)
Click "Here" for Hunting And Camping-Supp
Accent on Animation
Also see ACCIDENT2
w/New Jeep Go Duck Hunting'
ARKANSAS - 'Woman Shot In Car'
AUSTRALIAN - 'Australian Gun Control'
BEAR file - 'Family Goes Camping And Meets Bear'
......................- 'Two Guys Chased By A Bear'
......................- 'Hunter Hunts Bear, Bear Fucks Hunter'
......................- 'Camping Alert'
BIRD file - 'Man Tried For Killing Bald Eagle'
......................- 'Bird Bands'
BIRDS-DUCKS - 'Two Men Fight Over Duck'
......................- 'Five Doctors Go Duck Hunting'
......................- 'Two Brain Surgeons Go Duck Hunting'
......................- 'Duck Hunter And The Game Warden'
COLLEGE2 file- 'Speech By Charlton Heston At Harvard'
COWBOY2 file - 'Gunslinger Supreme'
DARWIN AWRDS2- 'Shooting Raccoons'
ELDERLY2 file- '90 Year Old Geezer Has Baby'
FACTS3 file - 'Silver Bullet:'
FARMER2 file - 'Farmer And Young Bride Can't Get Enough Sex'
JOBS3 file - 'Three Boys Brag About Father's Speed'
JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'Entertaining Women Clients'
KIDS2 file - 'Grandfather And Kid Go To Cabin'
LAWYERS2 file- 'Washington Hunting Laws And Bag Limits'
LETTERS2 file- 'Letter From Camp'
MARRIAGE3 - 'Husband Meets A Bum'
MATH4 file - 'PUZZLE - Two Hunters Shoot A Bear'
MEN1 file - 'Two Men Camping'
MONSTERS-SUPP- 'The Freak' - Movie
NATIONAL-STTS- 'Kansas Tourism Council Bulletin:'
NERD file - 'Nerd Season'
OTHER_ANIMALS- 'The Goat And The Railroad Tie'
PENIS3 file - 'Englishman Shoots Self In Groin'
.........POLISH file - 'Irishman And Polack Out Hunting'
POPE file - 'The Pope's Alaskan Vacation'
REDNECK3 file- 'Two Redneck Hunters'
REDNECK-SUPP - 'The Slingshot Man' - Movie
SOLDIER1 file- 'Boy Scout Troop Visits Army Base'
Talking Deer Movie (S473b,d)
You can view this funny "Man
TV" movies. You can view it on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Tourist Finds A Small Cabin (S625b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/31/2008
A tourist from the Atlanta area
was hiking through the
mountains of North Georgia when he came upon the tiniest
cabin he had ever seen in his life.
Intrigued, he went up and knocked
on the door. "Anybody
home?" he asked.
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?" asked the tourist.
"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the tourist.
"Ma? Nope, she left just afore
I got here," said the
"But," protested the city slicker,
"are you never together
as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the
kid through the door..
"This is the outhouse!"
Subj: Big-Game Hunter Brags In A Bar (S549b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/19/2007
The big-game hunter walked into
the bar and bragged to
everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was
undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.
But then he said that he could recognize any animal's
skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle
was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.
This was a bit too much for the
other customers, and
soon a heated argument started. The hunter said that
he was willing to prove it if they would put up the
drinks, and the bet was on.
They blindfolded him and took
him to his first animal
skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced,
"Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared,
"And it was shot with a .22 rifle."
He was right! The others could
not believe it and the
argument was even hotter than before. When someone
suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he
was prepared to do it again for another round. So they
blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and
they brought a skin that someone happened to have
in the trunk of his car.
He took a bit longer this time
and then said, "Kalahari
Lion. Fingering the bullet hole, he added, "The rifle
was a .308."
He was right again! This only
made the crowd more curious,
and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every
time winning a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home,
bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and
saw in the mirror that he
had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen,
I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know
that I didn't get into a fight. So where did I get this
His wife replied angrily, "From me!"
"What did I do?" he asked.
She replied, "You got into bed
and put your hand inside my
panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced,
'Skunk, killed with an axe!'"
Subj: Ted Nugent On Deer Hunting (S524)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/26/2007
a European tour, Ted was being interviewed by a
French journalist. The journalist asked, "What do you
think the last thought is in the head of a deer before
you shoot it? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are
you the one who killed my brother?'"
replied, "They aren't capable of that kind of
thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to
eat next?', 'Who am I going to screw next?', and 'Can I
run fast enough to get away?': They are very much like
Subj: Man, Wife, And In-Law Go Hunting (S297b, DU)
From: humorlist-digest V3 #16 on 99-01-18
and From: dogbyte on 10/7/2002
A big-game hunter went on safari
with his wife and mother-
in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the
Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband,
she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle,
took a swig of whiskey,
and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from
the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-
law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and
a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband.
"The lion got himself
into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
Penn And Teller On Gun Control (S481c,d)
To view this 28 minute, controversial,
Showtime movie on gun
control, go to the source above, or 'HERE' for my copy.
Subj: Two Guys Go Bear Hunting (S642c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/24/2009
Two men went bear hunting. While
one stayed in the cabin,
the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a
huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
When the enraged bear charged
toward him, he dropped his
rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he
could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little
faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he
reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the
bear tripped over him and
went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the
cabin door and yelled to his
friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get
Subj: Deer Hunter Has Stroke (S422)
From: DafterLafter on 2/23/2005
A group of Alabama friends went
deer hunting and paired off
in twos for the day.
That night, one of the hunters
returned alone, staggering
under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind.
He's a couple of miles
back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there
and carried the deer back?"
"A tough call," nodded the hunter.
"But I figured no one is
going to steal Henry!"
Subj: Four Guys Go Deer Hunting (S698b)
From: darrellvip on 6/1/2010
Four guys have been going to
the same deer camp for many
years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife
puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Ron's
friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they
Two days later the three get
to the camping site only to
find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered,
and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Dang man, how long you been
here, and how did you talk your
wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since midnight.
Yesterday evening, I
was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put
her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her
hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took
my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles
and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and
ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said, "Do what ever you want."
So, Here I am.
Subj: Bubba And Bo Go Hunting (S241)
From: FrankRoesch on 9/12/2001
A couple of Redskins fans, Bubba and Bo, are hunting in the
woods in the rural south when Bo falls to the ground. He
doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back
in his head.
Bubba whips out his cell phone
and calls 911. He gasps to
the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing
voice says, "Just take it
easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is silence, then a shot
is heard. Bubba's voice comes
back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
Bubba And Bo Go Hunting II (S525b,d)
This 3,900 KB movie is a cute,
short remake of an old joke.
You can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Letter About Campground Toilets (S287, DU)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/30/2002
A woman who was rather old-fashioned,
delicate, and elegant
- especially in her language - was planning a week's vacation
in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked
for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure the campground
was fully equipped,
but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities.
She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "TOILET"
in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up
with the old-fashioned term "BATHROOM COMMODE." But when
she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too
forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter
and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C.
"Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she
Well, the campground owner wasn't
old-fashioned at all and
when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what
the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really
After worrying about it for a
while, he showed the letter
to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the
lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally
coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking
about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down
and wrote the following reply:
"Dear Madam: Regret very much
in the delay in answering
you letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that
a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and
is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it
is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going
regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that
a great number of people usually take their lunches along
and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay
"The last time my wife and I
went was six years ago and
it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time
we were there. It may interest you to know that right
now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to
buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement
of the B.C."
"I would like to say it pains
me very much not to be able
to go more regularly but it is sure no lack of desire on
my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an
effort, particularly in cold weather."
"If you do decide to come down
to our campground, perhaps
I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you,
and introduce you to all the other folks."
"Remember, this is a friendly community."
Subj: Hunter Buys A New Scope (S250, S518c)
From: dogbyte on 11/16/2001
(Also see 'Assassin Plays Golf' in GOLF1)
A man decided to buy a new telescope
for his rifle. He
goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a
scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man,
"This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way
up on that hill". The man takes a look through the
scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the
"I see a naked man and a naked
woman running around in
the house", the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from
the man, and looks at his
house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says,
"Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for
nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's
head off and shoot the guy's dick off". The man takes
another look through the scope, and says, "You know what?
I think I can do that with one shot!"
Subj: Three Hunters Caught In A Snowstorm (S232, S674b)
From: thebartend on 6/25/2001
and From: gordonschuk 1/31/2006
An engineer, a psychologist,
and a theologian were hunting
in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temper-
ature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They
came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town.
The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite
hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission
No one answered their knocks,
but they discovered the cabin
was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place ...
2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment.
Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It
was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was
strange about it was its location ... it was suspended in
midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams.
"Fascinating," said the psychologist.
"It is obvious that
this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated
this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously
experience a return to the womb."
"Nonsense!" replied the engineer.
"The man is practicing
the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he
has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly
throughout the cabin."
"With all due respect," interrupted
the theologian, "I'm
sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious
meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for
The three debated the point for
several hours without
resolving the issue. When the trapper finally returned,
they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-
bellied stove from the ceiling.
His answer was succinct. "Had
plenty of wire, not much
Subj: Three Guys Cross A River (S223, DU)
From: h2oman19 on 5/8/2001
One day, three men were hiking
and unexpectedly came upon a
large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other
side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed
to God, saying "Please God. give me the strength to cross this
river. "Poof" God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he
was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after
almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed
to God, saying, "Please
God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river.
"Poof" God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across
the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat
a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this
worked out for the other two,
so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the
strength and the tools, and the intelligence to cross this
river."Poof God turned him into a woman. She looked at the
map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked
across the bridge.
Subj: Deer Hunting Picture(S396b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/26/2004
Subj: Hunter Shoots Himself In The Arm (S55, DU)
From: RFSlick on 98-02-15
A farmer was out hunting one
day, when all of a sudden, his
gun misfired, and the shot hit him right in the arm. The
farmer dropped his gun, and cradled the arm in his other
arm. The shot arm was hanging on by a string. He made his
way back to the house, and had his wife drive him in to the
He went to the doctor, and laid
the arm gently down on the
table. He looks the doc in the eyes, and says, "Okay, doc,
I don't want any of that sleepin' stuff, and no novacain,
or pain killers. You just start sewin' on this arm best
way you know how!"
Well, the doc starts stitching
away. Even the doctor is
wincing at every stitch. Finally, the doc can't take it
anymore. He looks up at the farmer, and says, "Man, don't
this hurt a lot?" Farmer says, "Yep, third worst pain
I ever had in my life."
The doc jumps back. "Third worst
pain you ever had in your
life?! Here, you done near shot your arm off, and I'm
here, stitchin' it up with no pain killers, or sleepin'
stuff, and you're tellin' me this is only the third worst
pain you ever had in your life? I know there can't be
anything much worse than this!"
Farmer says, "Oh, yeah, doc...try
this one on for size.
I was out a-huntin' one day, and I had to take me a mean
dump. So I found me a clump of bushes, dropped my drawers,
and backed up into them thar bushes when a bear trap
snapped shut on my privates!"
Doc says, "Oh my God! You
had a bear trap snap shut on
your privates, and you're tellin' me that only the second
worst pain you ever had in your life?! Now I KNOWS there
cain't be nuthin' worse than that!"
Farmer says, "Oh, yeah, doc,
well you just try it when
the slack in the chain runs out!"
Subj: The Hunter And The Fly (S139, S791)
(See 'A Rooster, A Cat, And A River' in BIRD-CHICKEN)
One day in the forest, there
was a fly. And this fly was buzzing
around above the surface of a small stream in the woods. Under
the water was a small fish who was thinking: "When that fly
drops four inches, boy oh boy, it's lunch time." So the fish
waited and the fly kept buzzing.
Over on the shore of the stream,
there lumbered a large grizzly
bear who was observing this whole thing. He grumbled to himself,
"When that fish goes for that fly, hmm, hmm, it's lunch time."
So the bear and the fish waited while the fly kept buzzing.
At the same time, over in the
woods, there was a hunter who had
been eating his lunch and watching this whole thing transpire.
He said to himself, "When that bear goes for that fish, god
dammit, I'm gonna have me a big trophy." So they all waited some
At the hunter's feet there was
a mouse who stealthily worked his
way closer. The mouse was saying to himself, "When that hunter
grabs his gun to shoot that bear, he's going to drop that sand-
wich, then, yummy, it's lunch time." And so the tension mounted
Little did the mouse know that
as he waited, the hunter's cat had
hopped from the back of his pickup truck and was on the prowl.
The cat said to himself, "When that mouse goes for that sandwich,
bam, he's a dead motherfucker...lunch..." So they all waited for
the crucial moment.
Then all of the sudden, the fly
dropped four inches and the fish
jumped. The bear went for the fish and the hunter grabbed his
gun and shot while the sandwich fell. The mouse dove on the sand-
wich and the cat followed and pounced on him. Within a moment,
the hunter realized what had happened exclaiming, "Hey that's my
lunch!" He reached down and ripped the cat off the sandwich and
hurdled him into the water.
And what, pray tell, is the moral of this story?
Anytime there's a fly dropping
four inches, there's a pussy
getting wet somewhere...
Subj: Man Takes His Wife Hunting (S15, S550b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/3/2007
It was Saturday morning as Jake,
an avid hunter, woke up
ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks
down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his
surprise he finds his beautiful blonde wife, Alice,
sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"
Jake, though he had many reservations
reluctantly decides to take her along.
Later they arrive at the hunting
site. Jake sets his wife
safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a
deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back
as soon as I hear the shot."
Jake walks away with a smile
on his face knowing that
Alice couldn't bag an elephant... much less a deer. Not
10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an
array of gunshots.
Quickly, Jake starts running
back. As Jake gets closer
to her stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away
from my deer!"
Confused, Jake races faster towards
his screaming wife.
And again he hears her yell: "Get away from my deer!"
followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he
had left his wife, Jake is
surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the
The cowboy, obviously distraught,
yells: "Okay, lady,
okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my
saddle off it!"
Subj: Hunter And Bear Pray (S139, S345b, DU)
From: The Bartenders Joke of the Day on 06 Feb 98
and From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 09/30/1999
(Also see 'The Atheist And The Bear' in BEAR)
In the middle of a forest, there
was a hunter who was suddenly
confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to
shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran
as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran,
until he ended up at the edge
of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament,
and with the bear closing
in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his
arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some
The sky darkened and there was
lightning in the air. Just a few
feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and
glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up
into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about
50 Caliber Rifle On A Test Range (S652b,d)
From: darrellvip on 7/3/2009
Read before Watching.
Turn up the sound... You can
hear the bullet head back.
Watch in full screen to see it better.
This is a very, very lucky sportsman.
The guy is
shooting a 50CAL. Watch the dust when he fires.
The target, a steel plate, was 1000 yards away. You
can hear the ping of the hit, and then the bullet
comes back and hits his earmuffs on his head.
The footage is amazing.
You can hear the bullet as
it tumbles through the air on its course back toward
the shooter. He's lucky it hit the dirt first. He
is okay, and obviously very lucky. The bullet grazed
his temple. What a difference a half an inch makes!
Click 'HERE' to view this video.
Subj: Duck Hunter Wants Sex (S290, DU)
From: KMACINTY on 8/22/2002
One morning a husband awoke and
decided he wanted to go duck
hunting. He woke his wife and told her, "You have three
choices, either go duck hunting with me, let me fuck you up
the ass, or give me a blow job. I have to run out, get the
dog, and load up the truck. You had better decide by the
time I get back."
He returned after a while, and
said to his wife, "Well, what
have you decided to do?"
She replied, "Well, I sure don't
want to go duck hunting,
and I'm sure the hell not going to let you fuck me up the
ass, so I guess I'll give you a blow job." She begins to
suck on his dick, and all the sudden stops and begins
spitting and choking.
He said to her, "What's the problem?"
She replied, "SHIT! My god, your dick tastes like shit!"
He replied "Well the dog didn't want to go duck hunting either".
Subj: Hunting Moose In Canada (S468, S661)
From: roybarron on 1/8/2006
and From: sam.hutkins on 9/10/2009
Two hunters decide to go moose
hunting in Canada. They hire
an airplane to drop them off in a remote region. The pilot
drops them off and tells them: "I'll be back in one week.
No more than one moose - got it?"
One week passes, and the pilot
returns. The hunters have
two moose. The pilot says: "Hey, I told you guys no more
than one moose." One of the hunters replies: "Look the
pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a
*big* tip to take both moose out."
The three of them argue for several
minutes more. The pilot
gives up and agrees to take both moose. They load up the
moose and fire up the plane. The plane shudders and strains
trying to take off. It finally gets the wheels off the
ground 5 feet, 10 feet.... Whoops! It runs out of runway
and smashes into a tree.
The two hunters, dazed and confused
make there way out of
the wreckage. One hunter looks at the other and says:
"Where the Hell are we?"
The other looks around and replies:
"About 100 yards further
than we got last year!"
Subj: Firearms Refresher Course (S538)
From: jbcary1 on 5/10/2007
1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. "Free" men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights reserved.
11. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in
place in case the politicians
ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies: rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know
No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911 - government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control -- it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is
afraid of its citizens
tries to control them.
22. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the "gun control
laws" we ALREADY have,
don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's
right to bear arms,
you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would
never have happened
with gun control.
26. "A government of the people,
by the people,
for the people..."
"Those who hammer their guns
will plow for those who do not."
-- Thomas Jefferson
Subj: Anti-Gun Control Statistics (S493b)
(See 'Australian Gun Control' in Australian)
WARNING - This is a news article and NOT a joke.
In 1911, Turkey established gun
control. From 1915 to 1917,
1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were
rounded up and exterminated.
In 1929, the Soviet Union established
gun control. From
1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend
themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
In 1935China established gun
control. From 1948 to 1952,
20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves,
were rounded up and exterminated.
In 1938 Germany established gun
control. From 1939 to 1945,
13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend them-
selves were rounded up and exterminated.
In 1956 Cambodia established
gun control. From 1975 to 1977,
one million 'educated' people, unable to defend themselves,
were rounded up and exterminated.
In 1964 Guatemala established
gun control. From 1964 to 1981,
100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were
rounded up and exterminated.
In 1970 Uganda established gun
control. From 1971 to 1979,
300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded
up and exterminated.
Defenseless people rounded up
and exterminated in the 20th
Century because of gun control: 56 million.
It has now been 12 months since
gun owners in Australia were
forced by new law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms to
be destroyed by their own government, a program costing
Australia taxpayers more than $500 million dollars.
The first year results are now
in: Australia-wide, homicides
are up 3.2 percent Australia-wide, assaults are up 8.6 percent
Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent (yes, 44
percent!) In the state of Victoria alone, homicides with
firearms are now up 300 percent.
(Note that while the law-abiding
citizens turned them in, the
criminals did not, and criminals still possess their guns!)
While figures over the previous
25 years showed a steady
decrease in armed robbery with firearms, this has changed
drastically upward in the past 12 months, since the criminals
now are guaranteed that their prey is unarmed.
There has also been a dramatic
increase in break-ins and
assaults of the ELDERLY. Australian politicians are at a
loss to explain how public safety has decreased, after such
monumental effort and expense was expended in "successfully
ridding Australian society of guns." The Australian
experience and the other historical facts above prove it.
You won't see this data on the
American evening news or hear
our president, governors or other politicians disseminating
Guns in the hands of honest citizens
save lives and property
and, yes, gun-control laws affect only the law-abiding citizens.
The next time someone talks in
favor of gun control, please
remind them of this history lesson.
With guns, we are citizens. Without them, we are subjects.
Bullet Art W/Hi-Speed Camera (S575b,d)
This short movie is exquisite. Click 'HERE' to view it.
Subj: Doctors Vs Guns (S439b, S606)
From: jbcary1 on 6/21/2005
and From: allenbergman on 8/13/2008
(A) The number of doctors in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14%.
Statistics courtesy of the U.S.Dept of Health and Human Services
(A) The number of gun owners
in the U.S. is 80,000,000
(yes that's 80 million).
(B) The number of accidental
gun deaths per year,
all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875%.
Statistics courtesy of the FBI
So statistically, doctors are
approximately 9,000 times more
dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, guns don't kill people, doctors do.
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS
AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.
Please alert your friends to
this alarming threat. We must
ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!
Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld
statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical attention.
Subj: Short Hunting/Camping Jokes
Hunting Trophies (S584c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/18/2008
Subj: Father Takes Son Hunting (S241, DU)
From: spyda on 9/9/2001
(Also see 'Special Camouflage Unit' in SOLDIER2)
A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be
across the field." A few minutes later, the father heard
a blood-curdling scream and ran back to his son.
"What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was
quiet when the snake
slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear
breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled
up my pant legs and said, 'Should we eat them here or take
them with us? ................ I guess I just panicked."
Typical Texas Deer Stand (S486b)
Hunters do it in the bush.
Hunters do it with a bang.
Hunters do it with a big gun.
Hunters eat what they shoot.
Hunters go deeper into the bush.
Old hunters never die, they just stay loaded
Redneck Christmas Lights (S522c in Redneck-Supp)
Did you hear about the moron
who went elephant hunting?
He got a hernia carrying the decoys.
A law in Oblong, Illinois makes
it a crime to make love while
fishing or hunting on your wedding day.
From some L.A. paper, in a column by
A recently released federal study, however, showed that 50% of
all hunting accidents come from hunters falling out of trees.
From: RFSlick on 98-03-26
A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs
for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering
under an eight-point buck... "Where's Harry?" ... asked
"He fainted a couple miles up
the trail," Harry's partner
"You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"
"A tough call," said the hunter.
"But I figured no one is
going to steal Harry."
In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to
catch mice without a
From: humorlist-digest V2 #133 on 98-05-28
"Vegetarian" - Indian word for "lousy hunter"
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #252 on 98-06-06
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough
and your going to want to shoot it.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/1/2007 (S559b)
First Guy: "Hey, if you went camping with another guy and
woke up with Vaseline around your butt hole,
would you tell anyone?"
Second Guy: "Hell no!"
First Guy: "Want to go camping?"
...........................Skeep shooting smiley from Smiley_Central.