Subj: Hunting And Camping Jokes
(Includes 39 jokes and articles. 27681b,9)
Click "Here" for Hunting And Camping-Supp
Hunter from
Accent on Animation
| >>>
Subj: Hunting And Camping Jokes (Includes 39 jokes and articles. 27681b,9) Click "Here" for Hunting And Camping-Supp |
|
Hunter from Accent on Animation |
Also see ACCIDENT2
- 'Guys
w/New Jeep Go Duck Hunting'
ARKANSAS - 'Woman
Shot In Car'
AUSTRALIAN - 'Australian
Gun Control'
BEAR file - 'Family
Goes Camping And Meets Bear'
......................-
'Two
Guys Chased By A Bear'
......................-
'Hunter
Hunts Bear, Bear Fucks Hunter'
......................-
'Camping
Alert'
BIRD file - 'Man
Tried For Killing Bald Eagle'
......................-
'Bird
Bands'
BIRDS-DUCKS - 'Two
Men Fight Over Duck'
......................-
'Five
Doctors Go Duck Hunting'
......................-
'Two
Brain Surgeons Go Duck Hunting'
......................-
'Duck
Hunter And The Game Warden'
COLLEGE2 file- 'Speech
By Charlton Heston At Harvard'
COWBOY2 file - 'Gunslinger
Supreme'
DARWIN AWRDS2- 'Shooting
Raccoons'
ELDERLY2 file- '90 Year
Old Geezer Has Baby'
FACTS3 file - 'Silver
Bullet:'
FARMER2 file - 'Farmer
And Young Bride Can't Get Enough Sex'
JOBS3 file - 'Three
Boys Brag About Father's Speed'
JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'Entertaining
Women Clients'
KIDS2 file - 'Grandfather
And Kid Go To Cabin'
LAWYERS2 file- 'Washington
Hunting Laws And Bag Limits'
LETTERS2 file- 'Letter
From Camp'
MARRIAGE3 - 'Husband
Meets A Bum'
MATH4 file - 'PUZZLE
- Two Hunters Shoot A Bear'
MEN1 file - 'Two
Men Camping'
NATIONAL-STTS- 'Kansas
Tourism Council Bulletin:'
OTHER_ANIMALS- 'The
Goat And The Railroad Tie'
PENIS3 file - 'Englishman
Shoots Self In Groin'
.........POLISH
file - 'Irishman
And Polack Out Hunting'
POPE file - 'The
Pope's Alaskan Vacation'
REDNECK3 file- 'Two
Redneck Hunters'
REDNECK-SUPP - 'The Slingshot
Man' - Movie
SOLDIER1 file- 'Boy
Scout Troop Visits Army Base'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Talking Deer Movie (S473b)
From: auntiegah on 2/4/2006 |
 |
You can view this funny "Man
TV" movies. You can view it on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Tourist
Finds A Small Cabin (S625b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/31/2008
A tourist from the Atlanta area
was hiking through the
mountains of North Georgia when
he came upon the tiniest
cabin he had ever seen in his
life.
Intrigued, he went up and knocked
on the door. "Anybody
home?" he asked.
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?" asked the tourist.
"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the tourist.
"Ma? Nope, she left just afore
I got here," said the
kid.
"But," protested the city slicker,
"are you never together
as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the
kid through the door..
"This is the outhouse!"
\\\//
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Subj: Big-Game
Hunter Brags In A Bar (S549b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/19/2007
The big-game hunter walked into
the bar and bragged to
everyone about his skills as
a hunter. The man was
undoubtedly a good shot and
no one could dispute that.
But then he said that he could
recognize any animal's
skin by feeling it, and he could
tell what caliber rifle
was used to shoot it by locating
the bullet hole.
This was a bit too much for the
other customers, and
soon a heated argument started.
The hunter said that
he was willing to prove it if
they would put up the
drinks, and the bet was on.
They blindfolded him and took
him to his first animal
skin. After feeling it for a
few moments, he announced,
"Springbok." Then he felt for
the bullet hole and declared,
"And it was shot with a .22
rifle."
He was right! The others could
not believe it and the
argument was even hotter than
before. When someone
suggested that he must have
peeped, he said that he
was prepared to do it again
for another round. So they
blindfolded him again, very
thoroughly this time, and
they brought a skin that someone
happened to have
in the trunk of his car.
He took a bit longer this time
and then said, "Kalahari
Lion. Fingering the bullet
hole, he added, "The rifle
was a .308."
He was right again! This only
made the crowd more curious,
and he had to prove his skills
over and over again, every
time winning a round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home,
bombed out of his mind, and
went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and
saw in the mirror that he
had one hell of a shiner.
So he said to his wife, "Listen,
I know I was drunk last night,
but not too drunk to know
that I didn't get into a fight.
So where did I get this
black eye?"
His wife replied angrily, "From me!"
"What did I do?" he asked.
She replied, "You got into bed
and put your hand inside my
panties. Then you fiddled
around a bit and announced,
'Skunk, killed with an axe!'"
\\\//
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Subj:
Ted Nugent On Deer Hunting (S524)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/26/2007
While on
a European tour, Ted was being interviewed by a
French
journalist. The journalist asked, "What do you
think
the last thought is in the head of a deer before
you shoot
it? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are
you the
one who killed my brother?'"
Nugent
replied, "They aren't capable of that kind of
thinking.
All they care about is, 'What am I going to
eat next?',
'Who am I going to screw next?', and 'Can I
run fast
enough to get away?': They are very much like
the French."
\\\//
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Subj: Man,
Wife, And In-Law Go Hunting (S297b, DU)
From: humorlist-digest V3 #16 on 99-01-18
and
From: dogbyte on 10/7/2002
A big-game hunter went on safari
with his wife and mother-
in-law. One evening, while
still deep in the jungle, the
Mrs awoke to find her mother
gone. Rushing to her husband,
she insisted on them both trying
to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle,
took a swig of whiskey,
and started to look for her.
In a clearing not far from
the camp, they came upon a chilling
sight: the mother-in-
law was backed up against a
thick, impenetrable bush, and
a large male lion stood facing
her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband.
"The lion got himself
into this mess, let him get
himself out of it."
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
Penn And Teller On Gun Control (S481c)
From: opiebennett on 4/10/2006 |
To view this 28 minute, controversial,
Showtime movie on gun
control, go to the source above.
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Guys Go Bear Hunting (S642c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/24/2009
Two men went bear hunting. While
one stayed in the cabin,
the other went out looking for
a bear. He soon found a
huge bear, shot at it but only
wounded it.
When the enraged bear charged
toward him, he dropped his
rifle and started running for
the cabin as fast as he
could. He ran pretty fast
but the bear was just a little
faster and gained on him with
every step. Just as he
reached the open cabin door,
he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the
bear tripped over him and
went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the
cabin door and yelled to his
friend inside, "You skin this
one while I go and get
another!"
\\\//
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Subj: Deer
Hunter Has Stroke (S422)
From: DafterLafter on 2/23/2005
A group of Alabama friends went
deer hunting and paired off
in twos for the day.
That night, one of the hunters
returned alone, staggering
under the weight of an eight-point
buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind.
He's a couple of miles
back up the trail," the successful
hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there
and carried the deer back?"
they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter.
"But I figured no one is
going to steal Henry!"
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Hunters Fly In To Hunt (S411)
From: DafterLafter on 12/2/2004
It seems there were these three
guys who like to go deer
hunting every year. So they
hired a guy to fly them to
a remote part of some remote
place. They all split up to
do their successful hunting
and rendezvous back to the plane.
Well, they loaded up the plane
and as the pilot started up
the engine, he said to the men,
"I don't think she'll be
able to get off the ground with
this load."
Two of the men looked disappointed,
but the third quickly
responded, "Don't worry about
it, we caught the same amount
last year, and we got off the
ground no problem."
So the pilot said OK, the plane
started down the runway
and sure enough got off the
ground. But then the plane
started to make some strange
noises and it crashed in the
woods.
The next thing they knew, the
three men and the pilot were
in the middle of the plane wreckage,
but in relatively good
health. One of the men asked,
"Any idea where we are?"
The other man said, "I don't
know, but I think we're about
a mile or two from where we
crashed last year."
\\\//
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Subj: Bubba
And Bo Go Hunting (S241)
From: FrankRoesch on 9/12/2001
A couple of Redskins fans, Bubba
and Bo, are hunting in the
woods in the rural south when
Bo falls to the ground. He
doesn't seem to be breathing
and his eyes are rolled back
in his head.
Bubba whips out his cell phone
and calls 911. He gasps to
the operator, "My friend is
dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing
voice says, "Just take it
easy. I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is silence, then a shot
is heard. Bubba's voice comes
back on the line. He says, "OK,
now what?"
\\\//
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| Subj:
Bubba And Bo Go Hunting II (S525b)
From: gordonschuk on 1/29/07 |
 |
\\\//
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Subj: Letter
About Campground Toilets (S287, DU)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/30/2002
A woman who was rather old-fashioned,
delicate, and elegant
- especially in her language
- was planning a week's vacation
in Florida so she wrote to a
particular campground and asked
for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure the campground
was fully equipped,
but didn't quite know how to
ask about the toilet facilities.
She just couldn't bring herself
to write the word "TOILET"
in her letter. After much
deliberation, she finally came up
with the old-fashioned term
"BATHROOM COMMODE." But when
she wrote that down, she still
thought she was being too
forward. So, she started
all over again, rewrote the letter
and referred to the bathroom
commode merely as the B.C.
"Does the campground have it's
own B.C.?" is what she
actually wrote.
Well, the campground owner wasn't
old-fashioned at all and
when he got the letter, he just
couldn't figure out what
the woman was talking about.
That B.C. business really
stumped him.
After worrying about it for a
while, he showed the letter
to several campers, but they
couldn't imagine what the
lady meant either. So
the campground owner, finally
coming to the conclusion that
the lady must be asking
about the location of the local
Baptist Church, sat down
and wrote the following reply:
"Dear Madam: Regret very much
in the delay in answering
you letter. I now take
the pleasure in informing you that
a B.C. is located nine miles
north of the campground and
is capable of seating 250 people
at one time. I admit it
is quite a distance away if
you are in the habit of going
regularly, but no doubt you
will be pleased to know that
a great number of people usually
take their lunches along
and make a day of it.
They usually arrive early and stay
late."
"The last time my wife and I
went was six years ago and
it was so crowded that we had
to stand up the whole time
we were there. It may
interest you to know that right
now, there is a supper being
planned to raise money to
buy more seats. They're
going to hold it in the basement
of the B.C."
"I would like to say it pains
me very much not to be able
to go more regularly but it
is sure no lack of desire on
my part. As we grow older,
it seems to be more of an
effort, particularly in cold
weather."
"If you do decide to come down
to our campground, perhaps
I could go with you the first
time you go, sit with you,
and introduce you to all the
other folks."
"Remember, this is a friendly community."
\\\//
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Subj: Hunter
Buys A New Scope (S250, S518c)
From: dogbyte on 11/16/2001
(Also see 'Assassin Plays Golf'
in GOLF1)
A man decided to buy a new telescope
for his rifle. He
goes to a rifle shop, and asks
the clerk to show him a
scope. The clerk takes
out a scope, and says to the man,
"This scope is so good, you
can see my house all the way
up on that hill". The
man takes a look through the
scope, and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the
clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked
woman running around in
the house", the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from
the man, and looks at his
house. Then he hands two bullets
to the man and says,
"Here are two bullets, I'll
give you this scope for
nothing if you take these two
bullets, shoot my wife's
head off and shoot the guy's
dick off". The man takes
another look through the scope,
and says, "You know what?
I think I can do that with one
shot!"
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Hunters Caught In A Snowstorm (S232, S674b)
From: thebartend on 6/25/2001
and
From: gordonschuk 1/31/2006
An engineer, a psychologist,
and a theologian were hunting
in the wilderness of northern
Canada. Suddenly, the temper-
ature dropped and a furious
snowstorm was upon them. They
came across an isolated cabin,
far removed from any town.
The hunters had heard that the
locals in the area were quite
hospitable, so they knocked
on the door to ask permission
to rest.
No one answered their knocks,
but they discovered the cabin
was unlocked and they entered.
It was a simple place ...
2 rooms with a minimum of furniture
and household equipment.
Nothing was unusual about the
cabin except the stove. It
was large, pot-bellied, and
made of cast-iron. What was
strange about it was its location
... it was suspended in
midair by wires attached to
the ceiling beams.
"Fascinating," said the psychologist.
"It is obvious that
this lonely trapper, isolated
from humanity, has elevated
this stove so that he can curl
up under it and vicariously
experience a return to the womb."
"Nonsense!" replied the engineer.
"The man is practicing
the laws of thermodynamics.
By elevating his stove, he
has discovered a way to distribute
heat more evenly
throughout the cabin."
"With all due respect," interrupted
the theologian, "I'm
sure that hanging his stove
from the ceiling has religious
meaning. Fire LIFTED UP
has been a religious symbol for
centuries."
The three debated the point for
several hours without
resolving the issue. When
the trapper finally returned,
they immediately asked him why
he had hung his heavy pot-
bellied stove from the ceiling.
His answer was succinct. "Had
plenty of wire, not much
stove pipe."
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Guys Cross A River (S223, DU)
From: h2oman19 on 5/8/2001
One day, three men were hiking
and unexpectedly came upon a
large raging, violent river.
They needed to get to the other
side, but had no idea of how
to do so. The first man prayed
to God, saying "Please God.
give me the strength to cross this
river. "Poof" God gave him big
arms and strong legs, and he
was able to swim across the
river in about two hours, after
almost drowning a couple of
times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed
to God, saying, "Please
God, give me the strength and
the tools to cross this river.
"Poof" God gave him a rowboat
and he was able to row across
the river in about an hour,
after almost capsizing the boat
a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this
worked out for the other two,
so he also prayed to God saying,
"Please God, give me the
strength and the tools, and
the intelligence to cross this
river."Poof God turned him into
a woman. She looked at the
map, hiked upstream a couple
of hundred yards, then walked
across the bridge.
\\\//
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Subj: Deer
Hunting Picture(S396b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/26/2004
At http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/054.htm
 |
\\\//
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Subj: Hunter
Shoots Himself In The Arm (S55, DU)
From: RFSlick on 98-02-15
A farmer was out hunting one
day, when all of a sudden, his
gun misfired, and the shot hit
him right in the arm. The
farmer dropped his gun, and
cradled the arm in his other
arm. The shot arm was
hanging on by a string. He made his
way back to the house, and had
his wife drive him in to the
country doctor.
He went to the doctor, and laid
the arm gently down on the
table. He looks the doc
in the eyes, and says, "Okay, doc,
I don't want any of that sleepin'
stuff, and no novacain,
or pain killers. You just
start sewin' on this arm best
way you know how!"
Well, the doc starts stitching
away. Even the doctor is
wincing at every stitch.
Finally, the doc can't take it
anymore. He looks up at
the farmer, and says, "Man, don't
this hurt a lot?" Farmer
says, "Yep, third worst pain
I ever had in my life."
The doc jumps back. "Third worst
pain you ever had in your
life?! Here, you done
near shot your arm off, and I'm
here, stitchin' it up with no
pain killers, or sleepin'
stuff, and you're tellin' me
this is only the third worst
pain you ever had in your life?
I know there can't be
anything much worse than this!"
Farmer says, "Oh, yeah, doc...try
this one on for size.
I was out a-huntin' one day,
and I had to take me a mean
dump. So I found me a
clump of bushes, dropped my drawers,
and backed up into them thar
bushes when a bear trap
snapped shut on my privates!"
Doc says, "Oh my God! You
had a bear trap snap shut on
your privates, and you're tellin'
me that only the second
worst pain you ever had in your
life?! Now I KNOWS there
cain't be nuthin' worse than
that!"
Farmer says, "Oh, yeah, doc,
well you just try it when
the slack in the chain runs
out!"
\\\//
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Subj: The
Hunter And The Fly (S139, S602)
(See 'A
Rooster, A Cat, And A River' in BIRD-CHICKEN)
One day in the forest, there
was a fly. And this fly was buzzing
around above the surface of
a small stream in the woods. Under
the water was a small fish who
was thinking: "When that fly
drops four inches, boy oh boy,
it's lunch time." So the fish
waited and the fly kept buzzing.
Over on the shore of the stream,
there lumbered a large grizzly
bear who was observing this
whole thing. He grumbled to himself,
"When that fish goes for that
fly, hmm, hmm, it's lunch time."
So the bear and the fish waited
while the fly kept buzzing.
At the same time, over in the
woods, there was a hunter who had
been eating his lunch and watching
this whole thing transpire.
He said to himself, "When
that bear goes for that fish, god
dammit, I'm gonna have me a
big trophy." So they all waited some
more.
At the hunter's feet there was
a mouse who stealthly worked his
way closer. The mouse was saying
to himself, "When that hunter
grabs his gun to shoot that
bear, he's going to drop that sand-
wich, then, yummy, it's lunch
time." And so the tension mounted
once again.
Little did the mouse know that
as he waited, the hunter's cat had
hopped from the back of his
pickup truck and was on the prowl.
The cat said to himself, "When
that mouse goes for that sandwich,
bam, he's a dead motherfucker...lunch..."
So they all waited for
the crucial moment.
Then all of the sudden,
the fly dropped four inches and the fish
jumped. The bear went
for the fish and the hunter grabbed his
gun and shot while the sandwich
fell. The mouse dove on the sand-
wich and the cat followed and
pounced on him. Within a moment,
the hunter realized what had
happened exclaiming, "Hey that's my
lunch!" He reached down
and ripped the cat off the sandwich and
hurdled him into the water.
And what, pray tell, is the moral of this story?
Anytime there's a fly dropping
four inches, there's a pussy
getting wet somewhere...
\\\//
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Subj: Man
Takes His Wife Hunting (S15, S550b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/3/2007
It was Saturday morning as Jake,
an avid hunter, woke up
ready to go bag the first deer
of the season. He walks
down to the kitchen to get a
cup of coffee, and to his
surprise he finds his beautiful
blonde wife, Alice,
sitting there, fully dressed
in camouflage.
Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"
Jake, though he had many reservations
about this,
reluctantly decides to take
her along.
Later they arrive at the hunting
site. Jake sets his wife
safely up in the tree stand
and tells her, "If you see a
deer, take careful aim on it
and I'll come running back
as soon as I hear the shot."
Jake walks away with a smile
on his face knowing that
Alice couldn't bag an elephant...
much less a deer. Not
10 minutes pass when he is startled
as he hears an
array of gunshots.
Quickly, Jake starts running
back. As Jake gets closer
to her stand, he hears Alice
screaming: "Get away
from my deer!"
Confused, Jake races faster towards
his screaming wife.
And again he hears her yell:
"Get away from my deer!"
followed by another volley of
gunfire.
Now within sight of where he
had left his wife, Jake is
surprised to see a cowboy, with
his hands high in the
air.
The cowboy, obviously distraught,
yells: "Okay, lady,
okay!!!! You can have
your deer!!! Just let me get my
saddle off it!"
\\\//
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Subj: Hunter
And Bear Pray (S139, S345b, DU)
From: The Bartenders Joke of the Day on 06 Feb 98
and
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 09/30/1999
(Also see 'The Atheist And The
Bear' in BEAR)
In the middle of a forest, there
was a hunter who was suddenly
confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to
shoot the bear were unsuccessful.
Finally, he turned and ran
as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran,
until he ended up at the edge
of a very steep cliff. His hopes
were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament,
and with the bear closing
in rather quickly, the hunter
got down on his knees, opened his
arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God!
Please give this bear some
'religion!'"
The sky darkened and there was
lightning in the air. Just a few
feet short of the hunter, the
bear came to abrupt stop, and
glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up
into the sky and said, "Thank
you, God, for the food I'm about
to receive...."
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
50 Caliber Rifle On A Test Range (S652b)
From: darrellvip on 7/3/2009 |
Read before Watching.
Turn up the sound……… You can
hear the bullet head back.
Watch in full screen to see
it better.
This is a very, very lucky sportsman.
The guy is
shooting a 50CAL. Watch
the dust when he fires.
The target, a steel plate, was
1000 yards away. You
can hear the ping of the hit,
and then the bullet
comes back and hits his earmuffs
on his head.
The footage is amazing.
You can hear the bullet as
it tumbles through the air on
its course back toward
the shooter. He's lucky
it hit the dirt first. He
is okay, and obviously very
lucky. The bullet grazed
his temple. What a difference
a half an inch makes!
Click 'HERE' to view this video.
\\\//
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Subj: Duck
Hunter Wants Sex (S290, DU)
From: KMACINTY on 8/22/2002
One morning a husband awoke and
decided he wanted to go duck
hunting. He woke his wife
and told her, "You have three
choices, either go duck hunting
with me, let me fuck you up
the ass, or give me a blow job.
I have to run out, get the
dog, and load up the truck.
You had better decide by the
time I get back."
He returned after a while, and
said to his wife, "Well, what
have you decided to do?"
She replied, "Well, I sure don't
want to go duck hunting,
and I'm sure the hell not going
to let you fuck me up the
ass, so I guess I'll give you
a blow job." She begins to
suck on his dick, and all the
sudden stops and begins
spitting and choking.
He said to her, "What's the problem?"
She replied, "SHIT! My god, your dick tastes like shit!"
He replied "Well the dog didn't want to go duck hunting either".
\\\//
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Subj: Hunting
Moose In Canada (S468, S661)
From: roybarron on 1/8/2006
and
From: sam.hutkins on 9/10/2009
Source: http://www.ronn.com/jokes1.html
Two hunters decide to go moose
hunting in Canada. They hire
an airplane to drop them off
in a remote region. The pilot
drops them off and tells them:
"I'll be back in one week.
No more than one moose - got
it?"
One week passes, and the pilot
returns. The hunters have
two moose. The pilot says:
"Hey, I told you guys no more
than one moose." One of
the hunters replies: "Look the
pilot told us the same thing
last year and we gave him a
*big* tip to take both moose
out."
The three of them argue for several
minutes more. The pilot
gives up and agrees to take
both moose. They load up the
moose and fire up the plane.
The plane shudders and strains
trying to take off. It
finally gets the wheels off the
ground 5 feet, 10 feet....
Whoops! It runs out of runway
and smashes into a tree.
The two hunters, dazed and confused
make there way out of
the wreckage. One hunter
looks at the other and says:
"Where the Hell are we?"
The other looks around and replies:
"About 100 yards further
than we got last year!"
\\\//
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Subj: Firearms
Refresher Course (S538)
From: jbcary1 on 5/10/2007
1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. "Free" men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights reserved.
11. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in
place in case the politicians
ignore the
others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies: rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know
safety.
No guns,
no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911 - government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control -- it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is
afraid of its citizens
tries to
control them.
22. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the "gun control
laws" we ALREADY have,
don't make
more.
24. When you remove the people's
right to bear arms,
you create
slaves.
25. The American Revolution would
never have happened
with gun
control.
26. "A government of the people,
by the people,
for the people..."
"Those who hammer their guns
into plows
will plow for those who do
not."
-- Thomas Jefferson
\\\//
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Subj: Anti-Gun
Control Statistics (S493b)
From: gordonschuk
(See 'Australian
Gun Control' in Australian)
WARNING - This is a news article and NOT a joke.
In 1911, Turkey established gun
control. From 1915 to 1917,
1.5 million Armenians, unable
to defend themselves, were
rounded up and exterminated.
In 1929, the Soviet Union established
gun control. From
1929 to 1953, about 20 million
dissidents, unable to defend
themselves, were rounded up
and exterminated.
In 1935China established gun
control. From 1948 to 1952,
20 million political dissidents,
unable to defend themselves,
were rounded up and exterminated.
In 1938 Germany established gun
control. From 1939 to 1945,
13 million Jews and others who
were unable to defend them-
selves were rounded up and exterminated.
In 1956 Cambodia established
gun control. From 1975 to 1977,
one million 'educated' people,
unable to defend themselves,
were rounded up and exterminated.
In 1964 Guatemala established
gun control. From 1964 to 1981,
100,000 Mayan Indians, unable
to defend themselves, were
rounded up and exterminated.
In 1970 Uganda established gun
control. From 1971 to 1979,
300,000 Christians, unable to
defend themselves, were rounded
up and exterminated.
Defenseless people rounded up
and exterminated in the 20th
Century because of gun control:
56 million.
It has now been 12 months since
gun owners in Australia were
forced by new law to surrender
640,381 personal firearms to
be destroyed by their own government,
a program costing
Australia taxpayers more than
$500 million dollars.
The first year results are now
in: Australia-wide, homicides
are up 3.2 percent Australia-wide,
assaults are up 8.6 percent
Australia-wide, armed robberies
are up 44 percent (yes, 44
percent!) In the state of Victoria
alone, homicides with
firearms are now up 300 percent.
(Note that while the law-abiding
citizens turned them in, the
criminals did not, and criminals
still possess their guns!)
While figures over the previous
25 years showed a steady
decrease in armed robbery with
firearms, this has changed
drastically upward in the past
12 months, since the criminals
now are guaranteed that their
prey is unarmed.
There has also been a dramatic
increase in break-ins and
assaults of the ELDERLY.
Australian politicians are at a
loss to explain how public safety
has decreased, after such
monumental effort and expense
was expended in "successfully
ridding Australian society of
guns." The Australian
experience and the other historical
facts above prove it.
You won't see this data on the
American evening news or hear
our president, governors or
other politicians disseminating
this information.
Guns in the hands of honest citizens
save lives and property
and, yes, gun-control laws affect
only the law-abiding citizens.
The next time someone talks in
favor of gun control, please
remind them of this history
lesson.
With guns, we are citizens. Without them, we are subjects.
\\\//
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| Subj:
Bullet Art W/Hi-Speed Camera (S575b)
From: tom on 1/17/2008 |
 |
\\\//
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Subj: Doctors
Vs Guns (S439b, S606)
From: jbcary1 on 6/21/2005
and
From: allenbergman on 8/13/2008
Doctors:
(A) The number of doctors in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14%.
Statistics courtesy of the U.S.Dept of Health and Human Services
*************************************************************
Guns:
(A) The number of gun owners
in the U.S. is 80,000,000
(yes that's
80 million).
(B) The number of accidental
gun deaths per year,
all age groups,
is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875%.
Statistics courtesy of the FBI
*************************************************************
So statistically, doctors are
approximately 9,000 times more
dangerous than gun owners.
*************************************************************
Remember, guns don't kill people, doctors do.
*************************************************************
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS
AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.
*************************************************************
Please alert your friends to
this alarming threat. We must
ban doctors before this gets
completely out of hand!!!
*************************************************************
Out of concern for the public
at large, I have withheld
statistics on lawyers for fear
the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical
attention.
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Hunting/Camping Jokes
 |
Subj:
Hunting Trophies (S584c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/18/2008 Source: http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11212.htm |
Top
Subj: Father
Takes Son Hunting (S241, DU)
From: spyda on 9/9/2001
(Also see 'Special
Camouflage Unit' in SOLDIER2)
A father and son went hunting
together for the first time.
The father said, "Stay here
and be very QUIET. I'll be
across the field." A few
minutes later, the father heard
a blood-curdling scream and
ran back to his son.
"What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was
quiet when the snake
slithered across my feet.
I was quiet when the bear
breathed down my neck.
But when the two chipmunks crawled
up my pant legs and said, 'Should
we eat them here or take
them with us? ................
I guess I just panicked."
| Subj:
Typical Texas Deer Stand (S486b)
From: flovilla on 5/11/2006 |
 |
Hunters do it in the bush.
Hunters do it with a bang.
Hunters do it with a big gun.
Hunters eat what they shoot.
Hunters go deeper into the bush.
Old hunters never die, they
just stay loaded
 |
Subj:
Redneck Christmas Lights (S522c in Redneck-Supp)
From: drgolfmd on 1/19/2007 |
Did you hear about the moron
who went elephant hunting?
He got a hernia carrying the
decoys.
A law in Oblong, Illinois makes
it a crime to make love while
fishing or hunting on your wedding
day.
From some L.A. paper, in a column by
Roger Simon:
A recently released federal
study, however, showed that 50% of
all hunting accidents come from
hunters falling out of trees.
From: RFSlick on 98-03-26
A group of friends who went
deer hunting separated into pairs
for the day. That night,
one hunter returned alone, staggering
under an eight-point buck...
"Where's Harry?" ... asked
another hunter.
"He fainted a couple miles up
the trail," Harry's partner
answered.
"You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"
"A tough call," said the hunter.
"But I figured no one is
going to steal Harry."
In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to
catch mice without a
hunting license.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #133 on 98-05-28
"Vegetarian" - Indian word for
"lousy hunter"
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #252 on 98-06-06
Women are like guns, keep one
around long enough
and your going to want to shoot
it.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/1/2007 (S559b)
First Guy: "Hey, if you went
camping with another guy and
woke up with Vaseline around your butt hole,
would you tell anyone?"
Second Guy: "Hell no!"
First Guy: "Want to go camping?"
\\\//
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 |
Skeep shooting smiley from
Smiley_Central |