Subj:     Skiing and Winter Sports Jokes
                 (Includes 14 jokes and articles, 17992,11,cf,wXT3,9)

Ski Boots from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  360 Degree Photo of the Olympic Bobsleigh Track (S893)
.........................Skiing Accident (S484, DU)
.........................Ski-Gliding - Video (S680)
.........................First Date Skiing (S240b, S746)
.........................B.C. Comic Strip (S890)
.........................Three Guys Go Skiing (DU)
.........................Eddie The Eagle - Movie Trailer (S992)
.........................How To Prepare For The Ski Season (DU)
.........................Short Skiing Jokes
..............................Olympic Cat Curling - Video (S893)
..............................'Star Wars' Walkers Fire At Olympic Skiers - Vid(S893)
..............................Impressive Ski Jump - Video (S546b)
..............................Skiing Backflip - Video (S489b)
..............................Skiing In United Arab Emirates (S474c)
..............................Writing Your Name In The Snow - Interactive SWF (S420)

Also see DARWIN AWRDS1- 'Skiing Death'
         HORSE file   - 'Water Skiing Behind A Horse' - Video
         HOSPITAL2    - 'Nurse Picabo Street'
         MOTHERS-SUPP - 'Procter And Gamble's Moms Commercial'
         MOVIES-SUPP  - 'People Are Awesome (Don's Version) 2011'
         REDNECK-SUPP - 'Redneck Waterskiing' - GIF And Video
         WOMEN1 file  - 'Widow Farmer And Two Skiers'

Subj:     360 Degree Photo of the Olympic Bobsleigh Track (S893d)
          Photographed by Visualise on 2/23/2014
 Source1: https://sochi-2014.s3-external-3.amazonaws.com/index.html
 Source2: https://sochi-2014.s3-external-3.amazonaws.com/tour.swf

 This 360 degree photo is of the 2014 Sochi Olympic Games four
 man bobleigh track.  To get the full 360 degree view of the
 bobleigh track, click and drag the mouse up, and down and side
 to side.  There are twenty-seven 360 degree photos of the
 2014 Winter Olympics available through the bottom clicks.
 Click 'HERE' to start your Olympic tour.

Subj:     Skiing Accident (S484, DU)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/27/2006

 Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate
 the humor of the slopes as written by a New Orleans

 A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to
 Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles
 of anybody's heart.

 Conditions were perfect...12 below, no feeling in the
 toes, basic numbness all over..the "Tell me when we're
 having fun" kind of day.

 One of the women in the group complained to her husband
 that she was in dire need of a rest room.  He told her
 not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting
 at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for
 female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and
 the pain did not go away. If you've ever had nature hit
 its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature
 of 12 below doesn't help matters.

 With time running out, the woman weighed her options.
 Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain,
 suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski
 outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would
 even notice.  He assured her, "The white will provide
 more than adequate camouflage."  So she headed for the
 tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to
 do her thing.
 If you've ever parked on the side of
 a  slope, then you know there is a
 right way and wrong way to set your
 skis so you don't move. Yup, you got
 it!!! She had them positioned the
 wrong way. Steep slopes are not
 forgiving...even during the most
 embarrassing moments.

 Without warning, the woman found
 herself skiing backward, out-of-
 control, racing through the trees,
 somehow missing all of them and onto
 another slope. Her derriere and the
 reverse side were still bare, her

Drawing from
 pants down around her knees, and she was picking was up
 speed all the while.  She continued backwards, totally out-
 of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers.

 The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided
 violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke
 her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants.  At long
 last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie
 show, then summoned the ski patrol.  They transported her
 to a hospital.

 While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously
 broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. "So, how'd
 you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk.
 "It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said. "I
 was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't
 believe my eyes!  There was this crazy woman skiing
 backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with
 her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over
 to get a better look and fell out of the lift." ......
 "So, how'd you break your arm?"

 Even though this was published in a New Orleans
 paper, it is a urban legend as stated in

Subj:     Ski-Gliding (S680d)
          From: Wimp.com on 1/25/2010
          Source: http://www.wimp.com/sickgliding/

 Skiing over this very rocky terrain at super high
 speeds is very scary.  Click 'HERE' to see this
 heart pounding video.

Subj:     First Date Skiing (S240b, S746)
          From: RFSlick on 9/4/2001
      and From: allenbergman on 5/5/2011

 For all those people who thought they'd had the worst first
 date ever.  This was on the Jay Leno show on 9-7-99.  Jay
 went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first
 date that a woman ever had.  The winner described her worst
 first date experience.  There was absolutely no question as
 to why her tale took the prize!  She said it was midwinter
 ... snowing and quite cold and the guy had taken her skiing.
 It was a day trip (no overnight).

 They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met
 before.  The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until
 they were headed home late that afternoon.  They were
 driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to
 realize that she should not have had that extra latte
 apres-ski.  They were about an hour away from anywhere
 with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere.  Her
 companion suggested she should try to hold it, which she
 did for a while.

 Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going,
 there came a point where she told him that he had better
 stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the
 front seat of his car.  They stopped and she quickly
 crawled out beside the car, yanked her ski pants down
 and started.  Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't
 have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the
 rear fender to steady herself.  Her companion stood on
 the other side of the car watching for traffic and indeed
 was a real gentleman and refrained from peaking.  All she
 could think about was the relief she felt despite the
 rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

 Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another
 sensation.  As she bent to pull up her pants, the young
 lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against
 the car's fender.  Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump
 handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to
 disengage her flesh from the icy metal.  It was quickly
 apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the
 extreme cold.  Horrified by her plight and yet aware of
 the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what
 was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was
 freezing her butt off and needed some assistance!"  He
 came around the car as she tried to cover herself with
 her sweater and then, as he looked imploringly into his
 eyes, he burst out laughing.  She too, got the giggles
 and when they finally managed to compose themselves,
 they assessed her dilemma.  Obviously, as hysterical as
 the situation was, they also were faced with a real
 problem.  Both agreed it would take something hot to
 free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal.
 Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament
 in the first place both quickly realized that there was
 only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other
 way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants
 and peed her butt off the fender.

 As for the Tonight Show... she took the prize hands
 down... Or perhaps that should be "pants down."

 And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

 Jay Leno's comment - - - - This gives a whole new
 meaning to being "pissed off".

 Even though this story was told on the Tonight Show,
 Snopes.com says it was an urban legend and the girl lied.
 See http://www.snopes.com/love/dating/frozen.asp

Subj:     B.C. Comic Strip (S890)
          By Mastroianni and Hart on 2/19/2014
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/bc/2014/02/19
Subj:     Three Guys Go Skiing (DU)

 Three guys drive to a ski range and arrive late at night.
 They finally find a place to stay, but when they get to
 their room, they find that it only has one large bed, and
 this is the last room in the place.  They decide, 'What
 the heck, it's only one night' and share the bed.

 The next morning, they all wake up.  The guy on the left
 side of the bed says, "I had the strangest dream.  I
 thought some guy was jerking me off."

 The guy on the other side of bed is shocked.  "I had the
 same dream, too!"

 The guy who slept in the middle says, "Well, I didn't have
 that dream. I had a dream that I was skiing!"

Subj:     Eddie The Eagle (S992d)
          From: Eddie the Eagle

 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/hyzQjVUmIxk

 Click 'HERE' to see this movie trailer about the feel-
 good true story of Michael "Eddie" Edwards, a courageous
 British ski-jumper.

Subj:     How To Prepare For The Ski Season (DU)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #15 on 98-01-16

 This is sent to remind skiers how to prepare for the ski
 season and to remind non-skiers why they do not ski:

 Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in
 freezer for an hour.  Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills
 to warm up.  Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across
 the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of
 skis, accessory bag and poles.  Pretend you are looking for
 your car.  For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in
 your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
 Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.  Go to
 McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger.  Be
 sure to wait in the longest line. Clip a lift ticket to the
 zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to
 make the ticket lacerate your face.  Drive slowly for five
 hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're
 following an 18 wheeler.  Fill a blender with ice, hit the
 pulse button and let the spray blast your face.  You'd almost
 believe you're skiing in front of a snow maker!  Dress up in
 as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off
 because you have to go to the bathroom.  Repeat all of the
 above every Saturday and Sunday.

Subj:     Short Skiing Jokes

Subj:     Olympic Cat Curling (S893d)
          Made by Zachary Bennett
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/evNi4_2qHPY
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/catcurling/
 This hilarious video clip was created by replacing curling
 stones with cute cats. No cats were harmed during the making
 of this. Although Moralis the star was only paid in treats!
 Click 'HERE' to see this very cute, short video.

Subj:     'Star Wars' Walkers Fire At Olympic Skiers
          From: Natholdetpaat2 (S893d)
Photo from YouTube.com...
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/_mKVJeA-wTw
 The Danish television show 'Night Shift with Anders Breinholt'
 created a hilarious clip of 'Star Wars' walkers shooting lasers
 at Olympic Mogul freestyle skiing at Sochi.  Click 'HERE' to
 see this cute, short video.

Subj:     Impressive Ski Jump (S546b,d)
          From: MentalBay.com on 7/2/2007
 Source: http://jokelibrary.net/sports/a_to_z/skiing-jump.mpeg
 This three second video is a very impressive ski jump.  You
 can view this MPEG video by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Skiing Backflip (S489b,d)
          From: Fun Page Exchange on 6/5/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/PTWoUpC3PjA
 This is a very short, cute video of a skier flying into a
 snow bank.  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Skiing In United Arab Emirates (S474c)
          From: LABLaughsAdult  on 2/7/2006
..........Sources: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 If I hadn't seen these five photos, I wouldn't have believed
 it.  Click 'HERE'.to view them.

Subj:     Writing Your Name In The Snow (S420d)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/28/2005
 Source: http://pi.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/snow.html
 You can view this very funny interactive SWF video
 by clicking 'HERE'.

                           -(o o)-
.....................From Millan Net Gif Animations