Subj: Track Jokes
(Includes 23 jokes and articles, 22946n,12,cf,md4w,10)
Also see ACCIDENTS1 - 'Jim
DARWIN AWRDS2- 'Running Off A Cliff'
JOBS3 file - 'Three Boys Brag About Father's Speed'
MOTHERS-SUPP - 'Procter And Gamble's Moms Commercial'
OTHER SPORTS - 'Iron Man Competition'
SEX3 file - 'Trojan Games' - Video
SEX-SUPP - 'Sex Track Race'
STORIES-SUPP - 'The Boy Who Wouldn't Die'
Swimming - 'Ausi Olympic Swimmer And The Gymnast'
TENNIS file - 'Jogger Grabs Tennis Ball'
WOMEN2 file - 'Three Women Discuss Sex Lives'
Subj: Bizarro Cartoon (S889)
By Dan Piraro
From: WashingtonPost.com on 2/9/2014
Paul Hunt Gymnastics Clown (S814d)
From: virv on 8/11/2012
Photo from GymNet.org...
Paul Hunt is a gymnastics coach
and gymnastics clown.
Hunt was born in Illinois, and now lives in Murray,
Utah. He runs Hunt's Gymnastics Academy (a.k.a.
Hunt's Gym) in Salt Lake City. Hunt has performed
comedic performances of women's gymnastics routines,
including the uneven bars, floor exercises, and the
balance beam since 1980. He has performed on US
and international television, including Wide World
of Sports and America's Funniest Videos.
Click on Source2, or 'HERE' for my copy,
to see Paul Hunt performs on balance beam
at the 1988 USA-USSR display in Los Angeles.
Photo from YouTube.com
Click on Source3, or 'HERE' for my copy,
to see Paul performs on uneven bars at the
1981 Ndia Tour at Madison Square Garden, NYC.
Photo from YouTube.com
Click on Source4, or 'HERE' for my copy,
to see Paul performs on floor exercise at the
1988 USA-USSR display in Los Angeles.
Photo from YouTube.com
A woman was having an affair
during the day while her husband
was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when
she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled
at the boyfriend, "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the
window; my husband's home early!"
The boyfriend looked out the
window and said, "I can't jump
out the window! "It's raining like hell out there!"
She said, "If my husband catches
us in here, he'll kill us
So the boyfriend grabs his clothes
and jumps out the window!
As he began running down the street, he discovered he had run
right in the middle of a town marathon, so he started running
along beside the others. Being naked, with his clothes
tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could.
One of the runners asked him,
"Do you always run in the nude?"
He answered, while gasping for air, "Oh, yes, it feels so free
having the air blow over your skin while you are running."
The other runner then asked the
nude man, "Do you always run
carrying your clothes on your arm?" The nude man answered
breathlessly, "Oh, yes, that way I can get dressed right at
the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
The runner then asked, "Do you
always wear a condom when you
run?" His reply: "Only if it's raining."
ASICS Run With Ryan (S774d)
For the 2011 ING New York City
marathon, ASICS wanted
the fans to truly experience a champion marathoner's
26.2 mile pace. They challenged anyone to take on
Olympic marathoner Ryan Hall for just 60 feet so they
built a 60 foot wall video/mural of Ryan racing.
Even Ryan Hall showed up to race himself. Ryan's
stride length is 6' 10" and his mile pace is 4:46.
Click on either source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to
see Ryan's amazing pace.
Subj: Steroids On The Girl's Track Team (DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #217 on 97-12-16
The over-ambitious coach of a
girls track team had been
administering steroids to the squad on a regular basis for
several months. An obvious result of the steroid use was
that the teams' overall performance greatly improved. They
won the county, state, and national championships, all in
the same year.
One day, Sally, a sixteen year
old high jumper, visited the
coach in his office. "Excuse me, Coach, could I talk to you.
I have a little problem."
"Sure, Sally," replied the coach, "What can I do for you?"
Sally hung her head low and said,
"Well, a lot of curly,
dark hair has started to grow on my chest."
"What?" the surprised coach yelped, "How far down does it go?"
She answered softly, "Down, between
my legs - In fact, it
covers my testicles...
....and that's another thing I wanted to talk to you about."
Usain Bolt (S661d)
From: brucejohnsonbaugh on 9/9/2009
Photo from PreRaceJitters.com
to watch Usain Bolt break the world record
in the 100 meter and 200 meter sprints last August.
Subj: First Olympics Riddle (S278b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/1/2002
When and where were the first ancient Olympic Games held?
Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes
At Olympia in July 776 BC
(This is as per the evidence available. But it is believed
to be much older)
The 2008 Olympic Games (S592d)
From: aldavito on 5/19/2008
Photo from Yahoo! Videos...
This commercial video is a wonderful
trip to China which is
preparing for the 2008 Summer Olympics. Click 'HERE' to view.
Subj: The 2004 Olympics (S394)
From: igiggle on 8/14/2004 (S394b - school-supp)
Here's the official site for
Olympic Facts -
Olympic Photo Gallery -
Pictures from the 2004 games.
The Olympic Motto: In 1921,
Pierre de Coubertin, founder
of the modern Olympic Games, borrowed a Latin phrase from
his friend, Father Henri Didon, for the Olympic motto:
Citius, Altius, Fortius ("Swifter, Higher, Stronger").
Real Gold Medals: The last Olympic
gold medals that
were made entirely out of gold were awarded in 1912.
Every two years, Rosie and I
makeup for all the TV
we've missed during the Olympics.
Track Accidents (S593b,d)
From: tom on 5/25/2008
This video is a compilation many
track errors. You can
view ot on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Olympic Condoms (S189, S693)
From: thebartend on 09/15/2000
and From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/15/2004
A man is out shopping and discovers
a new brand of Olympic
condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting
home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"There is three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course", says the man proudly.
The wife responds wryly, "Why
don't you wear Silver, it would
be nice if you came second for a change!".
Nude Gymnastics (S608b,d)
From: darrellvip on 8/24/2008
This lady demonstrated how to
do four gymnastic events
topless. This will definitely raise the interest in
the gymnastic sports. Click 'HERE' to view this video.
Subj: Australian Olympic Questions (S188)
From: KMACINTY on 09/08/2000
Here are some of the questions
that were asked of the Sydney
Olympic Committee via their Web site, and answers supplied
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos
in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...
Q: Which direction should I drive
- Perth to Darwin or
Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in
my eyes? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are
being held in Sydney.
Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)
Q: Can you tell me the regions
in Tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.
Q: Can you give me some information
about hippo racing
in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Which direction is North in
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna
Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble
distinguishing between Austria and Australia.
Q: I have a question about a
famous animal in Australia,
but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives
in trees. (USA)
Q: Will I be able to speak English
most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
by John Graziano
From: Comics.com on 8/15/2009
Subj: Short Track Jokes
2014 U.S. Olympic Team (S887d)
From: Lori Jones on Facebook on 1/28/2014
Drawing from WundergroundMusic.com
New Olympic Event (S437b)
Subj: Chinese Olympics Team (S188)
From: TAdams on 09/08/2000
I don't know if you heard but there is a scandal involving
drugs and the Chinese Olympic team this year...
They ran blood tests, and found
elevated levels of MSG...
and also traces of heartworm medication.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/26/2002
"The battles that count aren't the ones for gold medals.
The struggles within yourself are where it's at."
-- Jesse Owens
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 4/9/2002 (S272c)
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/20/2002 (S273c)
"Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth
of distance run." -- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
From: igiggle on Date: 11/28/2005 (S462b)
A.C. Gilvert, the inventor of the Erector set, won
an Olympic gold medal in 1908 for the pole vault.