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Subj:     Ebonics Jokes
                 (Includes 9 jokes and articles, 29989,1,cf,wXT2,1)

Tree thru Seasons  from
FeebleMinds
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Includes the following:  Word of the Day - Video (S989)
.........................The Ten Commandments (In Ebonics) (S66, S687)
.........................The Ebonic Hail Mary
.........................More Ebonics Definitions
.........................Ebonics Test (S271b)
.........................Algebra I Mid Term Exam - Ebonics Version
.........................Lord's Prayer In Ebonics
.........................Hickophonics (S36)
.........................Ebonics Night before Christmas (S44 - 2ed Vers)

Also see CHRISTMAS3   - 'The Night Before Christmas in Ebonics'
         JEWISH1 file - 'Hebronics'
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Subj:     Word of the Day (S989d)
          From: Fluffy Friends
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/U7xvlP56N-0
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.......
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.Click 'HERE' to see several episodes of "Word of the Day".
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Top
Subj:     The Ten Commandments (In Ebonics) (S66, S687)
          From: ossama on 98-05-07

  1. I be God. Don' be dissing me.
  2. Don' be makin hood ornaments outa me or nothin in my crib.
  3. Don' be callin me for no reason - homey don' play that.
  4. Y'all betta be in church on Sundee.
  5. Don' dis ya mama, an if ya know who ya daddy is,
     don' dis him neither.
  6. Don' ice ya bros.
  7. Stick to ya own woman.
  8. Don' be liftin no goods.
  9. Don' be frontin like you all that an no snitchin
     on ya homies.
 10. Don' be eyein' ya homie's crib, ride, or nothin.

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Subj:     The Ebonic Hail Mary, by John Trause
          From: kaiser on 98-04-20

 Yo Mary,
 You be all dat.
 The Big Man be witchya.
 Chillin' be ya more than tha girlfriends,
 And chill be the one on the way.
 Phat Mary, Mother of The Big Man,
 Rap for us gangstas,
 Now and when we dead.
 No Shit.

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Subj:     More Ebonics Definitions
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #91 on 98-04-13

 Once again Leroy was asked to do a simple homework assignment.
 Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper.
 He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in
 sentences. Here's what he handed in:

  1. HONOR ROLL - We was playin poker on the stoop the other
     day, man I was HONOROLL.

  2. PLANET - I got me some seed to grow weed, so I PLANET
     in the backyard.

  3. DISMAY - I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out
     a big needle.  He said, "DISMAY hurt a little."

  4. OMELETTE - Every time I start a new job, OMELETTE go
     after a week.

  5. STAIRWAY - When me and my homies get high, we STAIRWAY
     into space.

  6. MOBILE - I went to buy crack, I was short on cash, my
     man said, "Gimme one MOBILE."

  7. DEFENSE - I ran from the cops, and hopped DEFENSE
     and got away.

  8. AFRO - I got so mad at my bitch, AFRO a lamp at her.

  9. AFTERMATH - I like to be high in school, so AFTERMATH
     I go to the field and smoke weed.

 10. LOCKET - I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET.

 11. DOMINEERING - My girly's birthday was yesterday, I got
     her a DOMINEERING.

 12. KENYA - I needed change fo the subway, so I axe a
     stranger KENYA spare some change.

 13. DERANGE - DERANGE is where da deer and antelope play.

 14. DATA - At my basketball game, I scored thirty points.
     My coach said, "DATA boy!"

 15. COPULATE - I called 911 and an hour later when they show
     up, I said, "COPULATE!"

 16. FASCINATE - My girly's titties are so big.  Her shirt
     has ten buttons, she can only FASCINATE.

 17. BEWARE - I asked the man at the unemployment office, "Is
     this BEWARE I get a job?"

 18. DIMENSION - I be tall, dark, handsome and not DIMENSION
     hung like a horse.

 19. COATROOM - The judge said, "One more outburst like that,
     and you'll be thrown out the COATROOM."

 20. DECIDE - I like Wanda and Yolanda, but I like to have a
     couple of bitches on DECIDE.

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Subj:     Ebonics Test (S271b)
          From: JAREDLM
      and From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 4/8/2002

 Leroy is an 18 year old ninth grader who is becoming
 increasingly disillusioned with the public school
 system.  One day Leroy got an easy homework assignment.
 All he had to do was put each of the following words in
 a sentence.  This is what Leroy did.

  1. HOTEL    -  I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the
                 HOTEL everybody.
  2. RECTUM   -  I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady
                 RECTUM both.
  3. DISAPPOINTMENT- My parole officer tol me if I miss
                 DISAPPOINTMENT they gonna send me back
                 to the big house.
  4. FORECLOSE-  If I pay alimony this month, I'll have
                 no money FORECLOSE.
  5. CATACOMB -  Don King was at the fight the other
                 night, Man, somebody give that CATACOMB.
  6. PENIS    -  I went to da doctor and he handed me a
                 cup and said PENIS.
  7. ISRAEL   -  Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said
                 Man, that looks fake.  He said, No, ISRAEL.
  8. UNDERMINE-  There is a fine lookin' hoe livin' in the
                 apartment UNDERMINE.
  9. TRIPOLI  -  I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I
                 couldn't find no TRIPOLI.
 10. STAIN    -  My mother-in-law axed if I was STAIN
                 for dinner again.
 11. SELDOM   -  My cousin gave me two tickets to the
                 Knicks game, so I SELDOM.
 12. ODYSSEY  -  I told my bro, you ODYSSEY the tits on
                 this hoe.
 13. HORDE    -  My  sister got into trouble because she
                 HORDE around in school.
 14. INCOME   -  I just got in bed wit dis hoe and INCOME
                 my wife.
 15. FORTIFY  -  I axed da hoe how much?   And she say
                 FORTIFY.
 Leroy got an A.

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Subj:     Algebra I Mid Term Exam
          Ebonics Version

          From: KYLERDL at Julie
          97-02-24
 

This is a soon to be classic.
 ----------

 Directions: Make sho yo be putting yo name on the upper right
 hand corna.   Don't be axing no dumbass questions an keep yo
 shifty mothafuckin eyes on yo own sorryass papers.

 Number I.(25%)

 Elon and Tyrell bot want to meet fo lunch.  Elon's home be 5
 mile north of Tyrell.  If Elon leave at 10:30 bookin bout 3
 mile per hour while Tyrell, who have one coolass bike, ain't
 not departin till I 1:00 zoomin bout 20 mile per hour, what
 time be Elon axing Tyrell for a bite of fiied chicken?

 Number 2.(25%)

 Yolanda, she be 11 year older than her daughter Carinda.
 Carinda have a bitch Carmel who haf her age.  In how many
 years be Carmel haf as old as that uglyass ho Yolanda?

 Number 3.(40%)

 If Leroy axes Marvin fo 10 gram of 60% coke an Marvin ain't
 not got nothing but 8 gram of 80% and some ol 20% shit, how
 much of the cheap stuff be Marvin mixing up so Leroy can go
 off the hizzie?

 Number 4.(10%)

 Lenwood and Keshawn jus lifted one gross of basketballs
 offa Kmart.  If studly Lenwood can dunk fo mo balls per
 minute than Keshawn, how long be these bros slammin and
 jammin fo they be needin suh mo balls to play wif7

 Extra Credit:

 Which number, A or B be bigger? Make sho you shows all
 yo work.

 A. The total number of hos Wilt Chamberlain and
    B.B. King be sleeping wif.

 B. The number of yard OJ done ran fo in his best season
    timeses the number a cuts he be putting in that nogood
    honkey bitch Nicole afta catchin her wif a guy what
    ain't got no goddam mothafuckin rights be ridin roun
    wif OJs car.

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*                                                 *
*         "Brotha', you are goin' down."          *
*                                                 *
***************************************************

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Subj:     Lord's Prayer In Ebonics
          From: Vegas Jokes Archive on 06/27/97

 No doubt some Bible societies will feel compelled to publish
 a new translation of the Holy Scriptures in the newly
 discovered language of Ebonics.

 Here's a head start for them.
 

 EBONICS                             ENGLISH

 Big Daddy's Rap                     The Lord's Prayer

 Yo, Big Daddy upstairs,             Our Father, who art in heaven

 You be chillin                      Hallowed be thy name

 So be yo hood                       Thy Kingdom come

 You be sayin' it, I be doin' it     Thy will be done

 In this here hood and yo's          On earth as it is in heaven

 Gimme some eats bread               Give us this day our daily

 And cut me some slack, Blood        And forgive us our trespasses

 Sos I be doin' it to dem dat        As we forgive those who
 diss me trespass against us

 don't be pushing me into no jive    And lead us not into
                                     temptation

 And Keep Dem Crips Away             But deliver us from evil

 Cause you always be da man, G       for thine is the kingdom,
                                     forever.

 Straight up                          Amen

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Subj:     Hickophonics (S36)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #213 on 97-10-02

 The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to
 cash in by labeling African American slang as the language
 "Ebonics," has decided to pursue some of the seemingly
 endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington by designating
 Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught
 in all Southern schools.

 A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone.  The
 following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

 HEIDI  - noun. Greeting.

 HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
          Usage: Heidi, hire yew?"

 BARD   - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
          Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

 JAWJUH - noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
          Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

 BAMMER - noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
          Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left
          $20,000,000 in improvements."

 MUNTS  - noun. A calendar division.  Usage: "My brother from
          Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from
          him in munts."

 THANK  - verb. Ability to cognitively process.
          Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

 BARE   - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops,
          and yeast.  Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

 IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
          Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"

 RANCH  - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
          Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that
          pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few
          munts ago."

 ALL    - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.  Usage: "I sure
          hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup
          truck."

 FAR    - noun. A conflagration.  Usage: "If my brother from
          Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that
          thing's gonna catch far."

 TAR    - noun. A rubber wheel.  Usage: "Gee, I hope that
          brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar
          in my pickup truck."

 TIRE   - noun. A tall monument.  Usage: "Lord willin' and the
          creek don't rise, I sure do and go against little kids!

 Finding eggs!
 (Name withhelderb. To stop working.  Usage: "My grampaw retard
          at age 65."

 FAT    - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in
          battle or combat.  Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n,
          n'ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

 RATS   - noun. Entitled power or privilege.  Usage: "We
          Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

 FARN   - adjective. Not local.  Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand
          a wurd he sed....mus' be  from  some farn country."

 DID    - adjective. Not alive.  Usage: "He's did, Jim."

 EAR    - noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
          Usage: "He cain't breathe....give 'im some ear!"

 BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
          Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

 JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.  Usage: "Jew here that
          my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war
          fence cump'ny?"

 HAZE   - a contraction.  Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah....haze
          ignert.  He ain't thanked  but a minnit 'n 'is laf."

 SEED   - verb, past tense of "to see".

 VIEW   - contraction: verb and pronoun.
          Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City....view?"

 GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution.
          Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."

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Subj:     Ebonics Night before Christmas (S44)
          From: auntieg on 97-11-29

     'Twas da night befo' Christmas
     & all in the hood,
     Not a homie was stirring
     cuz it was all good.

     The tube socks was hung
     on the window sill
     and we all had
     smiles up on our grill.

     Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib
     in the back bedroom, cuz that's how we live.
     And Moms in her do-rag and me with my nine,
     had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine.

     All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by,
     Bumpin' phat beats cuz the system's fly.
     I bounced to the window at a quarter pas'
     'Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's ass!

     Well anyway....I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
     She said, Stop frontin' & just mind yo' bidness.

     I said, for real doe, come check dis out.
     We weren't even buggin', no worries, no doubt.
     Cuz bumpin' an thumpin' from around da way
     Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh.

     Da beats was kickin', da ride was phat
     I said, "Yo red Dawg, you all that!"
     He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
     "Ay yo, give it up, let's make some noise!"

     To the top of the projects & across the strip mall,
     We gots ta go, I got a booty call!"
     He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof,
     and sippin' on a 40, he busted a move.

     I yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
     he  said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack!
     But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz
     I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."

     Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings
     a credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.
     He slid down the fire exscape smoove as a cat,
     and busted the window wit' a b-ball bat.

     I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
     he said,"You best get on up out my face!"
     His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold,
     His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old.

     He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side.
     Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
     A wink of his eye and a shine off his gold toof,
     He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof.

     He jumped in his hooptie wit' rims made of chrome,
     To tap that booty waitin' at home.
     And all I heard as he cruised outta sight,
     was a loud and hearty..... "WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!"

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
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...............................From Smiley_Central
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