.
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Subj:     Poetry Type Jokes
                 (Includes 75 jokes and articles, 07999,6,cf,wYT2a3,2)

          Click "Here" for Poetry-Supp
 


Book ? candle from
AGAG Animation Gallery
>>>
Includes the following:  Go The Fuck To Sleep - Video (S988 in Supp)
.........................Apple - iPad Air - TV Ad - Your Verse (S888 in Supp)
.........................Jimmy Stewart Reads a Poem - Video (S885 in Supp)
.........................Cute Poem About Spell Checkers (S274d in Supp)
.........................Levi's - OPioneers! - Poem/Video (S887 in Supp)
.........................Passing A Note In Class - Video (S741 in Supp)
.........................Marshall Soulful Jones performs "Touchscreen"-Vid(S784-Sup)
.........................Mirror Mirror - Poem (S649b in Supp)
.........................Poem By Taylor Mali - Video (S728 in Supp)
.........................Slow Dance Poem (S614c in Supp)
.........................Lost Generation - Poem/Video (S871 in Supp)
.........................Walking A Crooked Path (S277b in Supp)
.........................
.........................Morgan Freeman Reads 'Love Yourself' (S999)
.........................Poetry of DH Rumsfeld (S335b)
.........................Nursery Rhymes that Didn't Make It (S237b)
.........................Dr. Seuss Lost Tongue Twisters (S212)
.........................Rejected Hallmark Cards (S153)
.........................The Lorax's Poem (S888)
.........................Romantic and Unromantic (S284b, S536b)
.........................Joe Awoke With An Erection (S76)
.........................Shoe Comic Strip (DU)
.........................Reincarnation, By Wallace McRae (S110)
.........................Computer Haiku (S74, S731)
.........................Haiku Moon Poem - Picture (S914)
.........................My First Time (S288)
.........................Needs
.........................Poetry Contest (S21, S404)
.........................Dr. Seuss Teaches About Computers (S290)
.........................Dr. Ruth Meets Dr. Seuss...
.........................Short Poetry Jokes
..............................Agnes Comic Strip (S656b in Supp)
..............................Dr. Seuss Poem (S697b in Supp)
..............................Cul de Sac Comic Strip (S599b in Supp)
..............................Summer Poem (S551b in Supp)
..............................
..............................Poem About Jokes And Frowns - Drawing (S392)

Also see AUSTRALIAN   - 'The Great Aussie Love Poem'
         BARBER file  - 'Early Haircut (Poem)'
         BATHROOM-SUPP- 'The House Behind The House'
         BIRDS file   - 'The End of the Raven'
......................- 'The Morning Song....'
         BIRDS-DUCKS  - 'Agnes Comic Strip'
         BLACKS2 file - 'Ebonics Translation Contest'
         BREAST file  - 'Three Babies Poem'
......................- 'The Boob Poem About Mammograms'
         CAT2 file    - 'Christmas Cat Poetry'
......................- 'If Cats Wrote Haiku'
         CHRISTMAS3NBC-  (See whole file)
         CHRIST3-SUPP - 'A Boca Christmas Poem'
         CHRISTMAS4   - 'Christmas Political Poem'
......................- 'Christmas Poem'
         CHRISTMAS-SUP- 'Bob Welsh - My Christmas Eve Poem' - Video
         CLOTHING file- 'Slippers'
         CLINTONSCANDl- 'Lewinsky Kaczynski Limerick'
         CLINTONSCAND2- 'Dr. Seuss and Clinton'
         COLLEGE2 file- 'Prayer Before Finals'
         COMPUTERS3   - 'Remember When...'
......................- 'Twas The Night Before 2000'
......................- 'Abort, Retry, Ignore Poem'
......................-'If Life Were Like A Computer Poem'
         COMPUTERS4   - 'If Error Messages Were In Haiku'
......................- 'Computer Prayer'
......................- 'The Computer Prayer II'
         COMPUTERS-SUP- 'Why Computers Crash! By Dr. Seuss'
......................- 'Geek Poetry'
         CONTRACTOR   - 'Construction Tongue Twister'
         COWBOY2 file - 'Cowboy Poetry - Women's Underwear'
......................- 'Cowboy Poetry'
         DIFFERENCES2 - 'Girl's/Boy's Prayers'
         DOG2 file    - 'Dog Meeting Poem'
         DOG3 file    - 'Dog Haiku'
         DRINKING-BER1- 'DrSeus on Beer'
         DRINKING file- 'Toasts'
         ELDERLY3 file- 'Retirement'
......................- 'Poem About Forgetting'
......................- 'Dr. Seuss On The Golden Years'
         ELDERLY3-SUPP- 'Life As We Once Knew It'
......................- 'Colored Pills - Poem'
......................- 'Are You Lonesome Tonight - Song'
         ELDERLY4 file- 'Elderly Accident - Poem'
......................- 'Old Mother Hubbard Poem'
         ENGINEER3    - 'The Engineer Song'
         ENGLISH file - 'Singlar And Plural In English'
......................- 'Green Eggs And Hamlet'
         FACEBOOK file- 'Facebook By Dr. Seuss'
         FAIRY TALES  - 'Mary Had A Little Lamb - Poem'
         FARMER2 file - 'So God Made A Farmer' By Paul Harvey
......................- 'Poem About Farmer's Troubles'
......................- 'Carnation Milk Contest'
         FART file    - 'Poem - All About Farts'
......................- 'The Farter From Sparta'
......................- 'Sometimes You Will...'
         FOOD_ETC file- 'MacDonald's Soliloquy'
         FRENCE file  - 'Who Stands Alone... Poem'
         FROG file    - 'Toad Love Poem'
         FUCK file    - 'The Dr. Seuss Purity Test'
         FUNERAL file - 'Flowers And Funerals'
         GAMES file   - 'Poetic Riddle About Fighting'
         GAMES2 file  - 'Basic Bridge In Rhyme'
         GOD2 file    - 'God Created Women-Poem'
         GOLF2 file   - 'Golf Poem'
         HANDICAPPED  - 'When I Whine'
         HEAVEN1 file - 'As I Sit In Heaven Poem - Photo'
         HEAVEN2 file - 'Crossing Over Poem' - Photo
......................- 'I Went To Heaven'
......................- 'A Soldier Goes To Heaven'
......................- 'I Dreamed I Went To Heaven-Poem'
         HOOKER2 file - 'Dead Whore - Poem'
......................- 'Whorehouse Sign - Poem'
         HOSPITAL2    - 'An Old Lady's Poem'
         HOSPITAL-SUPP- 'Gettin' It Checked'
         JEWISH3 file - 'Haiku's For Jews'
         JOBS3 file   - 'Pack It In! Happy New Year!'
         JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'The Lost Dr. Seuss Poem'
         KIDS4 file   - 'Children's Bill Of Rights'
......................- 'Parent Stubbs Toe'
         LATIN file   - 'Dead Poet's Society - Carpe Diem'
         LISTS file   - 'Top Ten Rejected Dr. Seuss Books' (not poetry)
         LOVE file    - 'You Can Say It-Poem'
......................- 'Naughty Love Poem'
         LOVE-SUPP    - 'Poem On Love And Friendship'
.........MARRIAGE4    - 'Poem For Mom And Dads'
......................- 'Strange Marriage Poem'
         MONKEY file  - 'Evolution -- The Monkey's Viewpoint'
         MOTHERS file - 'When I'm a Little Old Lady'
         MOTHERS-SUPP - 'A Mother's Day Poem'
         MOVIE-ETC-SUP- 'McLain's Poetic Joke'
         MOVIE_ETC-SU2- 'The Land Of Sandra Dee - Poem'
         MUSIC file   - 'The Day the NASDAQ Died'
.........MUSIC-SUPP   - 'Poem - Maestro In Rome'
.........NATIONAL file- 'Chads by Dr. Seuss:'
         NATIONAL-STS - 'A West Virginia Love Story'
......................- 'Rolling Blackout Theme Song!'
......................- 'Why I Love Iowa'
         NEW YORK file- 'The Towers'
......................- 'Dr. Seuss On Twin Towers'
         OBAMA file   - 'B.C. Comic Strip'
         OTHER_NATIONS- 'Illegal's Poem'
         PENIS1 file  - 'Rewritten "I will survive" Song'
         PENIS3 file  - 'Ode To Impotance - The Penis Poem'
......................- 'A Man Named Mort - Poem'
......................- 'Oral Sex - An Ode To Love'
         PHYSICS2 file- 'Schrodinger's Cat Poems'
         PHYSICS3 file- 'Archimedes' Principle'
         POLITICAL2   - 'Proposed Bush Inaugural Address Song'
......................- 'The Palm Beach Pokey'
         POLIT-BUSH   - 'Poem Of Bush Quotes'
         RATS-MICE    - 'Guinness And The Mouse'
         REDNECK3 file- 'Poem About A Hexed Redneck'
......................- 'Redneck Family Tree'
         RIDDLE SUPP2 - 'Jonathan Swift's Clever Puzzle-Poem'
         SCHOOL3 file - 'Night Before School Starts'
......................- 'New School Prayer'
         SHIP file    - 'Sailing Wind Poem'
         SIGNS-N-NAMES- 'Burma Shave Road Signs'
         SOLDIER-SUPP - 'The Shadow On The Wall' - Drawing/Poem
......................- 'The Monsters And The Weak'
         SOLDIER-SUPP2- 'Just A Common Soldier' - Poem
         TAXES file   - 'Tax Time Poem'
         TEAR-JERKER3 - 'Daddy's Pink Rose'
         TESTS1 file  - 'Final Exams Poem'
         THANKSGIVING - 'Twas The Night Of Thanksgiving'
......................- 'Happy Thanksgiving Poem'
......................- 'Thanksgiving Poetry'
......................- 'A Turkey's Thanksgiving Poem'
......................- 'A Preparation Or Was It Foreplay?'
         THOLEARN-SUP2- 'My Lessons'
         THOUGHTS-QUOT- 'The Guy in the Glass'
         THOUGHTS TIME- 'Slow Dancing'
         THOUGHTS WARM- 'Friends'
......................- 'A Child Talks To God'
......................- 'Poem About Friendship '
         TREES file   - 'Poem About the Forest'
         VALENTINE    - 'Top Ten Rejected Valentine's Day Cards'
         WOMEN1 file  - 'I'm Glad I'm A Woman'
         WOMEN-SUPP   - 'A Woman From Latch, Poem'

===========================================================Top
Subj:     Morgan Freeman Reads 'Love Yourself' (S999)
          From: Lonnie Winfield on Facebook on 3/7/2016
  Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/NRKZh-2j4PY
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......Click 'HERE' to watch Morgan read Justin Bieber's poem.
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Top
Subj:     Poetry of DH Rumsfeld (S335b)
          From: tadams96 on 6/24/2003

 Listen closely. What you hear coming from the mouth of Defense
 Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld is actually an "art form."  Call
 it "literary intelligence."

 The Pentagon's top dog, it turns out, has an unsung gift for
 free verse, haiku and sonnets.

 In fact, Mr. Rumsfeld's poems are regularly embedded in the
 transcripts of his daily news briefings and interviews.  All
 it took was for somebody to pull out the prose, which author
 Hart Seely has done in his amazing new book, "Pieces of
 Intelligence: The Existential Poetry of Donald H. Rumsfeld"
 (The Free Press, $12.95).

 "At times, Rumsfeld composes in jazzy, lyrical riffs that
 pulsate with the rhythm of his childhood on the streets of
 Chicago.  From there, he'll unfurl a Homeric tale cautioning
 us about the ways of bureaucracy," Mr. Seely notes. "He'll
 fire off rounds of irony with a Western cowboy's sensibility,
 enough for some to call him 'America's poet lariat.' "

 Either way, the poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld demands to be read aloud.

 Let's begin with "Needless to Say."

 Needless to say,
    The president is correct.
    Whatever it was he said.
    - Feb. 28, 2003, Pentagon briefing

 The Unknown
    As we know,
    There are known knowns.
    There are things we know we know.
    We also know
    There are known unknowns.
    That is to say
    We know there are some things
    We do not know.
    But there are also unknown unknowns,
    The ones we don't know we don't know.
    - Feb. 12, 2002, Pentagon briefing

 Field of Schemes
    Is the playing field this wide?
    Or is it that wide?
    One can't know that
    Until one knows up above.
    The president can't know that
    Until he knows what the possibilities are
    And what the risks are
    If the playing field's this wide
    As opposed to that wide.
    - Jan. 23, 2002 interview with Reader's Digest

 Cheating woman
    She said she had a question
    And she asked three.
    I asked for an easy one
    And she gave me a tough three.
    - April 26, 2002, meeting with troops in Kyrgyszstan

 End Zen
    How does it end?
    It ends,
    That's all.
    - Feb. 8, 2003, briefing in Munich

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Subj:     Nursery Rhymes that Didn't Make It
          From: spyda on 8/2/2001 (S237b)
Picture from:LABLaughsAdult...

 (See 'Mary Had A Little Lamb - Poem' a
  and.'Little Miss Muffet' in Fairy Tales)

 You can read these cute, dirty nursery rhymes by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Dr. Seuss Lost Tongue Twisters (S212)
          From: RFSlick on 2/12/2001

 See if you can do this.
 Read each line aloud
 Dr. Seuss lost tongue twisters

 This is this cat
 This is is cat
 This is how cat
 This is to cat
 This is Keep cat
 This is a cat
 This is dumbass cat
 This is busy cat
 This is for cat
 This is forty cat
 This is seconds cat

 Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the TOP!!!!!
 Betcha you can't resist passing it on!!

Top
Subj:     Rejected Hallmark Cards (S153)
          From: KMacinty on 01/05/2000

  1. So your daughter's a hooker,
     and it spoiled your day...
     Look at the bright side,
     she's a really good lay.

  2. My tire was thumping...
     I thought it was flat...
     when I looked at the tire...
     I noticed your cat... Sorry!

  3. You had your bladder removed
     and you're on the mends...
     here's a bouquet of flowers
     and a box of Depends.

  4. You've announced that you're gay,
     won't that be a laugh,
     when they find out you're one
     of the Joint Chiefs of Staff!

  5. Happy Vasectomy!
     Hope you feel zippy!
     'Cause when I had mine
     I got real snippy.

  6. Heard your wife left you...
     How upset you must be...
     But don't fret about it...
     She moved in with me.

  7. Your computer is dead...
     it was once so alive.
     Don't you regret installing
     Windows 95?

  8. You totaled your car...
     and can't remember why...
     could it have been...
     the case of Bud Dry?

Subj:     Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark
          From: ICohen on 1/28/2002

 "Looking back over the years that we've been together,
 I can't help but wonder....
 What the f*** was I thinking?"

 "Congratulations on your wedding day!
 Too bad no one likes your wife."

 "How could two people as beautiful as you.....
 have such an ugly baby?"

 "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
 After meeting you, I've changed my mind."

 "I must admit,you brought Religion in my life.
 I never believed in Hell until I met you."

 "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
 that you're not here to ruin it for me."

 "If I get only one thing for Christmas,
 I hope it's your sister."

 "As I grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given
 me.  Like the need for therapy..."

 "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
 Now that we've broke up.... I think it's time you kept your
 promise."

 "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my
 best friend.  So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

 "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
 Any idea who the father was?"

 "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship
 and there was only one life jacket...
 I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

 "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!"
 (available only in Alabama and Arkansas)

Top
Subj:     The Lorax's Poem (S888d)
          From: George Takei on 1/14/2014
 Source: YesSpaces.com
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Top
Subj:     Romantic and Unromantic (S284b, S536b)
          From: pns on 7/7/2002
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/12/2007

 Taken from an internet site where there's a competition
 for writing the most romantic first line and most
 unromantic second line.

 Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.
 But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar
    bowl's empty and so is your head.

 After you, my love, my only prize.
 Would be a bullet between the eyes.

 Of loving beauty you float with grace.
 If only you could hide your face.

 I thought that I could love no other.
 Until, that is, I met your brother.

 Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
 This describes everything you're not.

 I want to feel your sweet embrace.
 But don't take that paper bag off your face.

 I love your smile, your face, and your eyes ...
 Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

 Every time I see your face I wish I were in outer space.

 I saw your face as you walked by
    But then I saw a better guy.

 My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
 Marrying you screwed up my life.

 Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt.
 If its true, I'd prefer you inside out.

 What inspired this amorous rhyme?
 Two parts vodka, one part lime.

 I see your face when I am dreaming.
 That's why I always wake up screaming.

 My love you take my breath away.
 What have you stepped in to smell this way?

Top
Subj:     Joe Awoke With An Erection (S76)
          From: icohen on 98-07-11

 Joe woke up one morning and looked for his wife, but his
 wife wasn't there.  She had awakened and was preparing
 breakfast in the kitchen.  Joe was afraid he might spoil
 things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent
 this note

    The Tent Pole Is Up,
    The Canvas Is Spread,
    The Hell With Breakfast,
    Come Back To Bed.

 The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy.
 It read:

    Take The Tent Pole Down,
    Put The Canvas Away,
    The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
    No Circus Today.

 So he sent another note down. It read:

    The Tent Pole's Still Up,
    And The Canvas Still Spread,
    So Drop What You're Doing,
    And Come Give Me Some Head.

 To which she replied:

    I'm Sure That Your Pole's
    The Best In The Land.
    But I'm Busy Right Now,
    So Do It By Hand!

Top
Subj:     Shoe Comic Strip (DU)
          By Chris Cassatt/Gary Brookins on 9/28/2012
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/shoe/2012/09/28
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Subj:     Reincarnation, By Wallace McRae (S110)
          From: mbucher on 99-03-09

 What is reincarnation? A cowboy asked his friend.
 It starts, his old pal told him, when your life
    comes to an end.
 They wash your neck and comb your hair and clean your
    fingernails.
 And put you in a padded box away from life's travails.

 The box and you goes in a hole that's been dug in the ground.
 Reincarnation starts in when you're planted neath that mound.
 Them clods melt down, just like the box, and you who is inside.
 And that's when you begin your transformation ride.

 And in a while the grass will grow upon your rendered mound,
 Until some day, upon that spot, a lonely flower is found.
 And then a horse may wander by and graze upon that flower
 That once was you, and now has become your vegetated bower.

 Now, the flower that the horse done eat, along
    with his other feed,
 Makes bone and fat and muscle essential to the steed.
 But there's a part that he can't use and so it passes through.
 And there it lies upon the ground, this thing that once was you.

 And if perchance, I should pass by and see this on the ground,
 I'll stop awhile and ponder at this object that I've found.
 I'll think about Reincarnation and life and death and such,
 And come away concludin', why, you ain't changed all that much.

Top
Subj:     Computer Haiku (S74, S731)
          From: SSwitzer on 98-06-29

 (See 'If Error Messages Were In Haiku' in COMPUTERS4)

 In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful
 Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages.  Haiku
 poetry has strict construction rules - each poem has only
 17 syllables; 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second
 line, 5 in the third line.  They are used to communicate a
 timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and
 powerful insight through extreme brevity.  Here are 16 actual
 error messages from Japan.

  A file that big?
  It might be very useful.
  But now it is gone.

  The Web site you seek
  cannot be located,
  but endless others exist

  Chaos reigns within.
  Reflect, repent, and reboot.
  Order shall return.

  ABORTED effort:
  Close all that you have.
  You ask far too much.

  First snow, then silence.
  This thousand dollar screen
  dies so beautifully.

  With searching comes loss
  and the presence of absence:
  "My Novel" not found.

  The Tao that is seen
  is not the true Tao, until
  you bring fresh toner.

  Windows NT crashed.
  I am the Blue Screen of Death.
  No one hears your screams.

  Stay the patient course.
  Of little worth is your ire.
  The network is down.

  A crash reduces
  your expensive computer
  to a simple stone.

  Yesterday it worked.
  Today it is not working
  'Windows' is like that.

  Three things are certain:
  Death, taxes, and lost data.
  Guess which has occurred.

  You step in the stream,
  but the water has moved on.
  This page is not here.

  Out of memory.
  We wish to hold the whole sky,
  But we never will.

  Having been erased,
  the document you're seeking
  must now be retyped.

  Rather than a beep
  or a rude error message,
  these words: "File not found."

  Serious error.
  All shortcuts have disappeared.
  Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Top
Subj:     Haiku Moon Poem (S914)
          From: Jeff Lowe on Facebook
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10152615164612
.........074&set=a.441233017073.224567.590067073&type=1&theater
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The moon is alone
Painted with silver brush strokes
On a stage of black
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Top
Subj:     My First Time (S288)
          From: Puneet385 on 8/1/2002

   The sky was dark
   The moon was high
   All alone just she and I
   Her hair was soft
   Her eyes were blue
   I knew just what
   She wanted to do
   Her skin so soft
   Her legs so fine
   I ran my fingers
   Down her spine
   I didn't know how
   But I tried my best
   I started by placing
   My hands on her breast
   I remember my fear
   My fast beating heart
   But slowly she spread
   Her legs apart
   And when I did it
   I felt no shame
   All at once
   The white stuff came
   At last it's finished
   It's all over now
   My first time ever
   At milking a cow.....

 I know what you were thinking!!!
  Get your mind out of the gutter!!!!

 Second version

               Her eyes were blue
               I knew just what
               She wanted to do
               Her skin so soft
               Her legs so fine
               I ran my fingers
               Down her spine
               I didn't know how
               But I tried my best
               I started by placing
               My hands on her breast
               I remember my fear
               My fast beating heart
               But slowly she spread
               Her legs apart
               And when I did it
               I felt no shame
               All at once
               The white stuff came
               At last it's finished
               It's all over now
               My first time ever
               At milking a cow.....

Top
Subj:     Needs
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page

 Warm eyes, wet lips
 Gently touch my finger tips
 Soft sighs, silky hair
 Longing for me to touch her there
 Her begging eyes
 Her whimpering cries
 Urgent needs of one so sweet
 Bring me quickly to my feet
 The night is warm, there is no doubt
 It's my turn to take the dog out

Top
Subj:     Poetry Contest (S21, S404 - quotes3)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-06-17
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/7/2004

 The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came
 down to two finalists.  One was a Duke University Law
 School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred,
 well-connected, and all that goes with it.

 The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama AandM.

 The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose
 a four line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to
 contain the word "Timbuktu".  The Duke graduate went first.
 About thrity seconds after the clock started he jumped up
 and recited the following poem:

     "Slowly across the desert sand
      Trekked the dusty caravan.
      Men on camels, two by two
      Destination -- Timbuktu."

 The audience went wild!!  How, they wondered could the redneck
 top that?!   The clock started again and the redneck sat in
 silent thought.  Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped
 and recited:

     "Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
      Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
      They was three, we was two,
      So I bucked one and Timbuktu."

Top
Subj:     Dr. Seuss Teaches About Computers (S290)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97

 (Also see 'Why Computers Crash! By Dr. Seuss' in Comp-supp)

 If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals
 If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
 and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
 and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
 the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

 If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
 and the double clicking icons put your window in the trash,
 and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
 then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash.

 If the label on your cable on the gable at your house
 says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
 but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
 that's repeatedly rejectd by the printer down the hall.
 And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
 so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
 then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

 When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
 and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
 then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
 quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!

Top
Subj:     Dr. Ruth Meets Dr. Seuss...
..........From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97

 (Inspired by Green Eggs and Ham)
 Dear Cathy was a girl who said
 She loved a boy named Eager Ed.
 And much as dear Ed tried and tried
 She just would not have sex outside.
 "I only want sex in a bed.
 That's all I want, oh eager Ed."

 But Ed was a persistent guy
 Who would not let the matter lie.
 "Would you, could you in a boat?
 Would you, could you with a goat?"
 "I would not, could not in a boat.
 I would not, could not with a goat.
 I find it best upon dry land.
 And animals! You disgusting man!
 I only want sex in a bed.
 That's all I want, oh eager Ed."

 But not discouraged was our friend Ed.
 "I know I can get her out of bed.
 Would you, could you on a train?
 Would you, could you in the rain?"
 "I would not, could not on a train.
 I would not, could not in the rain.
 Of Amtrak I have had my fill.
 If I get wet I'll catch a chill.
 I only want sex in a bed.
 That's all I want, oh eager Ed."

 And still dear Ed was not deterred.
 Though her resistance still endured.
 "Would you, could you in a car?
 Would you, could you in a bar?"
 "I would not, could not in a car.
 I would not, could not in a bar.
 I fear I like my privacy
 And motion sickness vexes me.
 I only want sex in a bed.
 That's all I want, oh eager Ed."

 "Would you, could you in a park?
 We could go there after dark.
 The slide would be the perfect place.
 And nobody would see your face."
 "I would not, could not in a park.
 Not even if it's after dark.
 This whole discussion bothers me-
 Why next, you will suggest a tree!
 I only want sex in a bed.
 That's all I want, oh eager Ed."

 "A tree is not a bad suggestion-
 It even gave me an erection.
 Would you, could you in a tree?
 Would you, could you just for me?"
 "I would not, could not in a tree.
 I will not have sex there, you see.
 I would not, could not in a boat
 And certainly not with a goat.
 I would not, could not on a train.
 I would not, could not in the rain.
 I would not, could not in the car.
 And definitely not in a bar.
 Not in a park, not in a tree.
 Not on your life, Ed, let me be!
 I only want sex in a bed.
 That's all I want, oh eager Ed."

 "All I ask, oh Cathy mine
 To make me happy, just one time.
 Try it just this once for me
 and You will like it. Wait and see!"
 "Ok, ok, since you persist.
 Just one time only, I insist.
 Just once we will have sex outside.
 Then at least I will have tried."
 And so they did it that same night.
 And Cathy found that Ed was right.
 "From now on, I have changed my view.
 And wild sex I will pursue.
 And I will try it in a park,
 In daylight too, as well as dark.
 And I will try it in a tree.
 (Though I may fall and scrape my knee.)
 And in a car, and on a train
 And in a bar, and in the rain.
 And maybe even on a boat,
 Though never ever with a goat.
 For now I like wild sex, you see
 And new adventures wait for me!"
 THE END.


Subj:     Short Poetry Jokes

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Subj:     Poem About Jokes And Frowns - Drawing (S392)
          From: JokesUncut on 8/3/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
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 How about these.... The nursery rhyme Ring Around the Rosey
    is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the
    plague would get red circular sores ("Ring around the
    rosey..."), these sores would smell very badly so common
    folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere
    (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of
    the sores ("...a pocket full of poseys ..."), People who
    died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the
    possible spread of the disease ("...ashes, ashes, we all
    fall down!")
 

 Dr. Seuss pronounced "Seuss" such that it rhymed with  "rejoice."

From: LABLaughs.com on 8/1/2002 (S288b)
 A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   -- Paul Valery (1871-1945)

From: LABLaughs.com on 7/26/2002 (S288b)
 In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to
 be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew
 before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   -- Paul Dirac (1902-1984)

From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
 A backwards poet writes inverse

From: Joke-Of-The-Day@joke-of-the-day.com on 2/17/2003 (S316b)
 Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls, the longer
 it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the
 mind.  -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

From: LABLaughs.com on 8/30/2003 (S344b)
 Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.
   -- T. S. [Thomas Stearns] Eliot (1888 - 1965)

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..............................From Smiley_Central.
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