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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Room service? Send up a larger room. Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. He may look
like an idiot and talk like an idiot but
I never forget
a face, but in your case I'll be glad
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. From the moment
I picked your book up until I laid it down
Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water! You know I could
rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it. A man's only as old as the woman he feels. Why should I
care about posterity? What's posterity ever
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man. I must say that
I find television very educational. The minute
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. If I held you
any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I don't care
to belong to a club that accepts people like me
It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Remember men,
we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is
After his introduction
on a music/variety show, Groucho and
Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you? Why was I with
her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Well, art is
art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! I married your
mother because I wanted children, imagine my
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. Outside of a
dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog,
Quote me as saying I was misquoted. From: Bawdy.Net Collage #303 on 5/28/99 Whoever called
it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
From: http://www.jokecenter.com
on 8/18/01
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. I find television
very educating. Every time somebody turns
It isn't necessary
to have relatives in Kansas City in order
ask him. If he says 'yes', you know he is crooked. The secret of
life is honesty and fair dealing . . .
I worked myself
up from nothing to a state of extreme
I don't have
a photograph, but you can have my footprints.
Oh are you from
Wales ?? Do you know a fella named Jonah ??
The husband
who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. Look, if you
don't like my parties, you can leave in a huff.
We took pictures
of the native girls, but they weren't
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. She's afraid
that if she leaves, she'll become the life
In America you
can go on the air and kid the politicians,
I could dance
with you till the cows come home, on second
When discovered
by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho
I've been around
so long, I knew Doris Day before
There's one
thing I always wanted to do before I quit
You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you. Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. From: dogbyte on 5/9/2002
(S275c)
From: LABLaughs.com
on 11/12/2002 (S302b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day
on 1/8/2003 (S310b)
From: joke-of-the-day.com
on 5/6/2003 (S327b)
From: zzarry on 12/7/2003
(S358b)
From: LABLaughs.com
on 2/24/2004 (S381b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day
on 11/14/2005 (S460b)
. .
. On Groucho Marx's "You Bet Your Life" TV show, Jack Benny plays a contestant. Irene Tedrow is between the two masters. Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy to see video treasure. . .
. .
Source2: http://www.wimp.com/classicfun/ This is a clip
from the Groucho Marx movie, Duck Soup! It's
. .
Source2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1-WEvM9spA This absolutely
wonderful video is an excerpt from The
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