Subj:   Cute Tests1
             (Includes 19 jokes/articles, 21942n,4,cf,wXT,2)

Humor Warning
Animated GIF Finder
Includes the following:  Intriguing Intelligence Test (S30, S833)
.........................Unofficial IQ Test - Video (S379)
.........................The Polish Intelligence Test (S372b, DU)
.........................Puzzles Of Names (S127, DU)
.........................Trick Question Test (S292, S782)
.........................Trick Question Test II (S294, S520c)
.........................Mental Flexibility Test (S65, S521)
.........................Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter (S55, S624c)
.........................Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter II (S400)
.........................A Cute Test (S18)
.........................Final Exams Poem
.........................F I N A L   E X A M I N A T I O N
.........................The S.A.P
.........................Pop Quiz (S39)
.........................Cute Exam Questions
.........................Word Puzzles
.........................Short Testing Jokes
..............................Urine Test (S520)
..............................Coordination Trick Or Test (S347, S640c)
..............................Find The Red Dot - PPS (S508b)

Also see ANAGRAM file - 'Box Lunch Auction w/Anagram'
         ANIMAL,OTHER - 'Professional Competency Test'
         APPLICATION  -  (See whole file)
         AUDIO file   - 'What Kind of American Accent Do You Have?'
         BASKETBALL   - 'Too Big Of A House Test'
         BIRD-DUCKS   - 'Duck Word Riddle'
         BLONDE2 file - 'Dumb Blonde On Game Show' - Video
......................- 'A Little Blonde Test'
         BODY PARTS   - 'Body Part Quiz'
         BREAST-SUPP  - 'Boobs, Butt, And Shoulder Test'
         CANDY file   - 'Chocolate Math'
         CARS-SUPP    - 'What Type Of Sports Car Are You?'
         CARTOON file - 'Cartoon Character Test'
         CHURCH file  - 'Entrance Exam For Heaven'
         COLLEGE1 file- 'Lieing To The Professor'
         DRINKING_BR2 - 'The Beer Quiz'
         EBONICS file - 'Ebonics Test'
         ELDERLY3 file- 'History Exam'
......................- 'Age Barometer'
......................- 'Official Baby Boomer Qualifying Exam'
         ELDERLY3-SUPP- 'The Over 40 Test'
         ELDERLY4 file- 'Life's A Test - And You're Grades on A Curve'
         FACTS2 file  - 'During And After A Quake'
         FACTS3 file  - 'History Test'
         FACTS4 file  - 'True/False Trivia Test'
......................- 'Phobia Trivia...'
         FOOD_ETC2    - 'Don't Gross Out The World'
         FOOD_ETC-SUPP- 'Match The Food To The Logo'
......................- 'Packaged Food Mascots - Memory Test'
         FOOTBALL file- 'College Entrance Exam'
         GAMES file   - 'Bottom Of The Sea'
         GOLF1 file   - 'Golf Trivia Challenge'
         HALLOWEEN    - 'Halloween Quiz'
         HOSPITAL1    - 'Toughest Time Of My Life'
         JEWISH2 file - 'Jewish Test'
         JOB-STUFF    - 'The Dilemma'
         JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'Foolish Trivia'
......................- 'Can You Pass The Google Test?'
......................- 'Company Colors Quiz'
......................- 'Company Mascot Quiz'
......................- 'Smart Marketing'
         KIDS3 file   - 'Baby Quiz'
         KIDS4 file   - 'Crayon Color Quiz'
         MARRIAGE4    - 'The Game Of Romance: How To Keep Score'
         MATH1 file   - 'Cajun Math Test'
.........MATH3 file   - 'Old Numbers'
......................- 'Modern Living Math Test'
......................- 'High School Math Proficiency Exam'
         MATH4 file   - 'PUZZLE - Mind Reading Brain Teaser'
......................-.(contains puzzles & problems)
         MEN2 file    - 'Rogue Male Test'
         MONKEY file  - 'Monkey Kissed'
         MUSIC file   - 'Music Test Questions From Missouri'
         NATIONAL2    - 'Independence Day Quiz'
         NATIONAL-SUPP- 'Landmark Quiz'
         NERD file    - 'White And Nerdy - Quiz'
         OTHER-ANIMALS- 'Professional Competency Test'
         OTHER-OCCUP  - 'Photographer's Test In Florida'
         PENIS-SUPP   - 'US Medical School Entrance Exam'
         PIG file     - 'Personality Test'
.........POLIT-BUSH   - 'The Presidential Test'
         POLIT-SUPP   - 'QUIZ: Test Your Candidate IQ'
         PROGRAMMER   - 'Quiz-Programmer Or Serial Killer'
         PSYCHOLOGY   - 'Big Red Button'
......................- 'Color Quiz'
......................- 'Oreo Personality Test'
......................- 'Find The Head Test'
         PSYCH-SUPP   - 'Steven Pinkerís Mind Games' - Web Site
......................- 'Perceptual Blindness Test' - Video
......................- 'The Color Test'
......................- 'My Brain's Age'
......................- 'The Stress Test' - 3 Drawings
......................- 'The Color Test' - Video
......................- 'Draw-A-Pig Personality Test' - Interactive Video
         REDNECK3 file- 'Redneck Engineering Exam'
         REDNECK-SUPP - 'Redneck College Exam'
......................- 'Sex Test For Rednecks'
......................- 'Are You A Redneck Quiz'
         SCHOOL3 file - 'Illinois Teacher Tests'
         SEX2 file    - 'Sex Quiz'
......................- 'Purity Test'
......................- 'Purity Test II'
         SEX3 file    - 'Sexual Tension Quiz'
         STAR TREK2   - 'Celestial Quiz'
         THO-LRN-SUPP - 'The Real Friend Test'
         THOUGHTS-QTS - 'Charles Schultz's Philosophy'
         TH-SILLY-SUPP- 'Trick Questions & Answers'
         TRAIN file   - 'Switchman Test For Train Yard'
         TREES file   - 'The Tree Picture Test'
Subj:     Intriguing Intelligence Test (S30, S833)
          From: flovilla on 2/23/2006
      and From: darrelldre on 12/15/2012

    Read this sentence:
Drawing from the book
Optical Illusions, page 54
   by Keith Kay
Published by
Sterking Publishing Company, Inc.
   387 Park Avenue South,
   New York, N.Y. 10016

    Now count aloud the F's in that sentence. Count them ONLY
    ONCE.  Do not go back and count them again.  See below.

    There are six F's in the sentence.  One with average
    intelligence finds three of them.  If you spotted four,
    you're above average.  If you got five, you can turn
    up your nose at most anybody.  If you caught six, you
    are a genius.

    There is no catch.  Most people forget the OFs.  The
    human brain tends to see them as "Vs" instead of "Fs."

Subj:     Unofficial IQ Test (S379d)
          From: igiggle
          on 5/4/2004
 Source: http://www.richstevens.com/flash/iq.swf
 This is a video version of the Pop Quiz below.)

 This test is a lot of fun and well worth playing.  You
 can play at the source above, or click 'HERE' for the
 file version.  I only got an 8.

Subj:     The Polish Intelligence Test (S372b, DU)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 3/10/2004
          (Also see 'Sex Test For Rednecks' in Redneck-Supp)

 Study each question carefully, then choose the answer that
 seems "most" correct (TRUE or FALSE) and mark an "X" (just
 like you sign your name) on the appropriate line at the right.

  1. A clitoris is a type of flower ____TRUE____FALSE

  2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit ____TRUE____FALSE

  3. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird ____TRUE____FALSE

  4. Vagina - a medical term to describe heart trouble

  5. A menstrual cycle has three (3) wheels ____TRUE____FALSE

  6. A G-string is a part of a violin ____TRUE____FALSE

  7. Semen is another word for sailor ____TRUE____FALSE

  8. Anus is the latin word for "yearly" ____TRUE____FALSE

  9. Testicles are found on an octopus ____TRUE____FALSE

 10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles ____TRUE____FALSE

 11. Masturbate is used to catch a large fish ____TRUE____FALSE

 12. Kotex is a radio station in Bryan, Tx ____TRUE____FALSE

 13. Coitus is a musical instrument ____TRUE____FALSE

 14. Fetus is a character on gunsmoke ____TRUE____FALSE

 15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute ____TRUE____FALSE

 16. A condom is an apartment complex ____TRUE____FALSE

 17. orgasm - accompanies the choir at church ____TRUE____FALSE

 18. A diaphram is a drawing in geometry ____TRUE____FALSE

 19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle ____TRUE____FALSE

 20. erection - when the Japanese vote for their new

 21. A lesbian is a person from the middle east ____TRUE____FALSE

 22. Sodomy is a special kind of fast-growing grass

 23. Pornography is the business of making record albums

 24. Genitals are people of non-jewish faith ____TRUE____FALSE

 25. Douch is the Italian word for "twelve" ____TRUE____FALSE

 26. An enema is someone who is not your friend ____TRUE____FALSE

 27. Ovaries are a french egg dish made with cheese

 28. Scrotum is a small planet near Venus ____TRUE____FALSE

 29. "Cock" is a bird that crows in the morning ____TRUE____FALSE

Subj:     Puzzles Of Names (S127, DU)
          From: rlr29 on 7/6/99

 Solve the puzzles by saying them out loud, over and over,
 faster and faster, repeating the phrase, until you "hear"
 the answer.

 Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles

  1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)
  2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (fictional character)
  3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)
  4. MOW BEAD HICK (book)
  6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (product)
  8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)
 13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN (fictional character)
 15. BUCK SPUN HE (fictional character)

   1.  Jacques Cousteau
   2.  Santa Claus
   3.  Michael Jordan
   4.  Moby Dick
   5.  Thomas Jefferson
   6.  Chiquita Banana
   7.  The Titanic
   8.  I love you
   9.  The Brady Bunch
  10.  Christopher Columbus
  11.  Doctor Seuss
  12.  The Milky Way Galaxy
  13.  Agent 007
  14.  The Sound of Music
  15.  Bugs Bunny

Subj:     Trick Question Test (S292, S639)
          From: tom on 4/9/2009
      and From: jcary on 9/19/2010

 Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the
 muscles.  As we grow older, it's important that we keep
 mentally alert.  The saying: "If you don't use it, you
 will lose it" also applies to the brain, so.........
 Below is a very private way to gage your loss or non loss
 of intelligence.  Take the following test presented here
 and determine if you are losing it or are a MENSA candidate.

 OK, relax, clears your mind and....... begin.

 1. What do you put in a toaster?

 The answer is bread.  If you said "toast," then give up now
 and go do something else.  Try not to hurt yourself.  If
 you said, "bread", go to question 2.

 2. Say "silk" five times.  Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

 Answer: Cows drink water.  If you said "milk", please do not
 attempt the next question.  Your brain is obviously over
 stressed and may even overheat.  It may be that you need to
 content yourself with reading something more appropriate such
 as "Children's World."  If you said, "water" then proceed to
 question three.

 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house
 is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink
 bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is
 a greenhouse made from?

 Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.  If you said
 "green bricks", what the heck are you still doing here
 reading these questions?????  Dang..... If you said
 "glass", then go on to question four.

 4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over
 Germany.  If you will recall, Germany at the time was
 politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.
 Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail.  The
 pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also
 failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately
 the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes
 smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany
 and West Germany.  Where would you bury the survivors - East
 Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?

 Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors.  If you said
 ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try
 to rescue anyone from a plane crash.  Your efforts would
 not be appreciated. ...... If you said, "Don't bury the
 survivors" then proceed to the next question.

 5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree
 every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move
 in one hour?

 Answer: One degree.  If you said "360 degrees" or anything
 other than "one degree", you are to be congratulated on
 getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league.
 Turn your pencil in and exit the room.  Everyone else
 proceed to the final question.

 6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from
 London to Milford Haven in Wales.  In London, 17 people get
 on the bus.  In Reading, six people get off the bus and
 nine people get on.  In Swindon, two people get off and
 four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people
 get on.  In Swansea, three people get off and five people
 get on.  In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on.
 You then arrive at Milford Haven.  What was the name of the
 bus driver?

 Answer: Oh, for heaven sake!  It was YOU, you dummy.  Read
 the first line!!!

Subj:     Trick Question Test II (S294, S520c)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/15/2002
      and From: gattica30 on 1/5/2007

 Below are three questions. You have to answer them instantly.
 You can't take your time. Answer all of them immediately and
 then quickly scroll down to check your responses.

 Ready? Let's find out just how clever you really are.

 Scroll down for the first question...

 First Question: You are participating in a race.
 You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

 If you answer that you are first, then you are wrong!
 If you overtake the second person and you take his place,
 you are second!

 To answer the second question, don't take as much time as
 you took for the first question.

 Scroll down...

 Second Question: If you overtake the last person,
 then you are...?

 If you answered that you are second to last, then you
 are wrong again.  Tell me, how can you overtake the
 LAST person?!  You're not very good at this are you?

 Third Question: Very tricky math!
 Note: This must be done in your head only.
 Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
 Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000.
 Now add 30.  Add another 1000.  Now add 20.  Now add
 another 1000.  Now add 10.

 What is the total?

 Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

 Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!  The
 decimal sequence confuses most peoples brains, which
 always jumps to the highest decimals (100's instead of 10's).

Subj:     Mental Flexibility Test (S65, S521)
          From: auntieg on 98-04-28
          (Click 'HERE' to do the Mensa version
             and 'HERE' for second file version)

 This test does not necessarily measure your intelligence
 quotient (IQ) with words and certainly not your mathematical
 ability.  It will however, give you some gauge of your
 mental flexibility and creativity.

 In the many years since this test was developed, few people
 have been able to solve more than half of the items on the
 first try.  Many however, have reported getting the answers
 long after the test had been set aside, particularly at
 unexpected moments when their minds were relaxed.  Take
 this as a personal challenge!

 There are no jokes or tricks.  The items are all well known,
 like the following example:

         EXAMPLE:  12 - M in a Y
         ANSWER:   12 Months in a Year

 26 - L of the A      7 - W of the W      1,001 - A N

 12 - S of the Z      9 - P in the S S    88 - K on a P

 13 - S on the A F    32 - D F at which W F 18 - H on a G C

 90 - D in a R A      200 - D for P G in M 8 - S on a S S

 3 - B M (S H T R)    4 - Q in a G         24 - H in a D

 1 - W on a U         5 - D in a Z C       57 - H V

 11 - P on a F T      29 - D in F in a L Y 12 - K of the R T

 3 - P for a F G in F 20 - Y that R V W S  101 - D

 60 - S in a M                7 - H of R

 54 - C in a D (with two J's) 187,000 - M per S is the S of L

 1,000 - W that a P is W      40 - D and N of the G F

 25,000 - M around the E      100 - T a S L strikes the E

 The Answers

 26 - L of the A 7 - W of the W  1,001 - A N
 Letters, Alphabet Wonders, World Arabian Nights
 12 - S of the Z 9 - P in the S S 88 - K on a P
 Signs, Zodiac  Planets, Solar System Keys, Piano
 13 - S on the A F 32 - D F at which W F 18 - H on a G C
 Stripes, American Flag Deg. F, Water Freezes Holes, Golf Course
 90 - D in a R A 200 - D for P G in M 8 - S on a S S
 Deg., Right Angle $, Passing Go, Monop. Sides, Stop Sign
 3 - B M (S H T R) 4 - Q in a G  24 - H in a D
 Blind Mice (See How..) Quarts, Gallon  Hour, Day
 1 - W on a U  5 - D in a Z C  57 - H V
 Wheels, Unicycle Digits, Zip Code Heinz Variety
 11 - P on a F T 29 - D in F in a L Y 12 - K of the R T
 People, Football Team Days, February, Leap Yr Knights, Round Table
 3 - P for a F G in F 20 - Y that R V W S 101 - D
 Points, Field Gl, Ftbl Years, Rip VanWinkle Slpt     Dalmatians
 60 - S in a M  7 - H of R
 Seconds, Minute Hills, Rome
 54 - C in a D (with two J's) 187,000 - M per S is the S of L
 Cards, Deck, Joker  Miles, Second, Speed, Light
 1,000 - W that a P is W 40 - D and N of the G F
 Words, Picture, Worth  Days, Night, Great Flood
 25,000 - M around the E 100 - T a S L strikes the E
 Miles, Earth   Times, Second, Earth

Subj:     Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter Test (S55, S624c)
          From: cohen#il on 98-02-18


  1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k
      and means the same as intercourse?
  2). What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only
      two of?
  3). What can you find in a man's pants that is about six
      inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so
      much that they often blow it?
  4). What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
  5). Name five words that are each four letters long,
      end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?
  6). What does a dog do that you can step into?
  7). What four letter word begins with f and ends with k,
      and if you can't get one you can use your hands?
  8). What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can
      make a girl fat?
  9). What four-letter word ends in i-t
      and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
 10). What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on
      some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and
      a man gives it to his wife after they're married?


        1.    (talk)
        2.    (legs)
        3.    (a twenty dollar bill)
        4.    (firetruck)
        5.    (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
        6.    (pants)
        7.    (fork)
        8.    (Almond Joy candy bar)
        9.    (grit)
       10.    (last name)

Subj:     Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter Test II (S400)
          From: JokesUncut on 9/13/2004

 Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues.
 Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being
 described.  For every correct answer, give yourself two
 points, for every incorrect answer deduct two points.

 If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a
 great sex experience.  If you score between 14 points and
 21 points, you are in need of more love.  If you score less
 than 14 points and are female...  send address and photos!

 You may begin ...  now!


  1.  I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.  When I'm
      not well, I drip.  When you blow me, you feel good.

  2.  I'm spread before I'm eaten.  Your tongue gets me off.
      People sometimes lick my nuts.

  3.  I assist an erection.  Sometimes big balls hang from me.
      I'm called a big swinger.

  4.  Over 1,000 people went down on me.  I wasn't maiden for
      long.  A big hard thing ripped me open.

  5.  You stick your poles inside me.  You tie me down to get
      me up.  I get wet before you do.

  6.  When I go in, I can produce pain.  I cause you to spit,
      and ask you not to swallow.  I can fill your hole.

  7.  A finger goes in me.  You fiddle with me when you're
      bored. The best man always has me first.

  8.  All day long, it's in and out.  I discharge loads from
      my shaft.  Both men and women go down on me.

  9.  I go in hard.  I come out soft.  You like to blow me.

 10.  If I miss, I hit your bush.  It's my job to stuff your
      box.  When I come, it's news.

 11.  I offer protection.  I get the finger ten times. You
      use your fingers to get me off.

 12.  I have a stiff shaft.  My tip penetrates. I come with
      a quiver.

 13.  My business is done in briefs.  I am a cunning
      linguist. I plead and plead for it.


  1.  Nose
  2.  Peanut Butter
  3.  A Crane
  4.  The Titanic
  5.  A Tent
  6.  A Dentist
  7.  A Wedding Ring
  8.  An Elevator
  9.  Chewing Gum
 10.  News Paper Boy
 11.  A Glove
 12.  An Arrow
 13.  An Attorney

Subj:     A Cute Test (S18)
..........From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97

 Don't cheat. It's kind of interesting -- !!!

 A man (M) and a lady (L) who are very much in love, and
 devoted to one another are separated by a river with no way
 of getting across to the other side.  On L's side of the
 river, there is a boatman (B) who is able to take her over
 to the other side of the river but refuses to do so unless
 she pays him a price of $20, twice his normal fare. L has
 no money.  Another man (S) then tells L that he will giver
 her $20 if she sleeps with him. L agrees to do so and on
 receiving the $20, pays B who takes her over to the other
 side of the river.  She is reunited with M and they are
 very happy together.  However, a friend of M (F) finds out
 what L did with S and immediately tells M. On learning the
 news, M finds L and ends things with her, stating that he
 wants nothing more to do with her.

 Your task is to rank these five people, M, L, B, S, and F,
 from best to worst (i.e., best person to worst person).
 Please rank them in the following spaces before moving on.
 Don't read any further until you've finished the 1-5.  If
 you do, you'll miss the whole point.  When you do finish,
 scroll down and read on.

 The order which you've ranked the five people is supposed
 to represent the importance that you place on different
 things in your life. 1 being the most important, and 5
 being the least. The letters stand for:

Subj:     Final Exams Poem
          from Joker's Wild on 04/10/97

 Now I lay me down to study
 I pray the Lord I won't go nutty
 If I should fail to learn this junk
 I pray the Lord I will not flunk
 But if I do, don't pity me at all
 Just lay my bones in the study hall
 Tell my teacher I did my best
 Then pile my books upon my chest
 Now I lay me down to rest
 If I should die before I wake
 That's one less test I'll have to take

Subj:     F I N A L   E X A M I N A T I O N

                                         Name: _____________

                                         Class: ____________

 I pledge on my honor that during this examination that I
 have neither given nor received assistance, and that
 I have seen no dishonest work.

 INSTRUCTIONS: Read each question carefully.  Answer all
 questions.  Time Limit: 4 hours.  YOU MAY BEGIN NOW.

 It has recently been suggested (especially after Black Monday)
 that only a foreign war can restore America's lost national
 consensus.  Propose the ideal opponent(s) for the US in such
 a war, and how the conflict might be engineered so that US
 would seem not to be the aggressor in the situation.  Discuss
 the pros and cons.

 In Part 2 of Shakespeare's "Henry VI",  Jack Cade, the leader
 of the Populist revolt, proposes that the first order of
 business following a successful coup d'e'tat could be to
 "kill all the lawyers".  In light of the present populist
 mood in the United States, assess the utility and any
 potential impact of such a policy today.

 Give today's date, in metric.

 Compose an epic poem based on the events of your own life as
 you see them.  Footnote allusions from T.S. Eliot, Keats,
 Chaucer, Dante, Norse mythology and the Marx brothers.
 Critique your poem with a full discussion of its metrics.

 Using accepted methodology prove all four of the following:
 That the universe is infinite; that truth is beauty; that
 there is not a little person who turns off the light in the
 refrigerator when you close the door, and that you are the
 person taking this exam.  Now disprove all of the above.
 Be specific; show all work.

 Three minute time test.  Read everything before doing
 anything.  Put your name in the upper right hand corner of
 this page.  Circle the word name in sentence three.  Sign
 your name under the title of this paper, after the title
 write yes, yes, yes. Put an X in the lower left hand corner
 of this paper.  Draw a triangle around the X you just put
 down.  On the back of this paper multiply 703x668.  Loudly
 call out your name when you get to this point.  If you think
 you have followed directions carefully to this point call
 out "I have."  Punch three small holes in the top of this
 paper.  If you are the first person to get this far, call
 out "I am the first person to this point, I am leading in
 following directions." On the reverse side of this paper
 add 8950 and 9850.  Put a circle around your answer and put
 a square around the circle.  Now that you have finished
 reading carefully, do only sentence two.

 Describe the history of the papacy from its origin to the
 present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively,
 on its social, political, economic, religious, and philoso-
 phical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa.  Be
 brief, concise, and specific.

 You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze,
 and a bottle of  Scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not
 suture until your work has been inspected.  You have fifteen

 2,500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom.
 Calm them.  You may use any ancient language except Latin
 or Greek.

 Create life.  Estimate the difference in subsequent human
 culture if this form of life had developed 50 million years
 earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on
 the English parliamentary system.  Prove your thesis.

 Write a piano concerto.  Orchestrate and perform it with a
 flute and drum.  You will find a piano under your seat.

 Based on your judgments of their works, evaluate the
 emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed
 frustrations of each of the following:
    Alexander of Aprodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea,
    Hammurabi.  Support your evaluation with quotations
    from each man's work, making appropriate references.
    It is not necessary to translate.

 Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany
 the end of the world.  Construct an experiment to test
 your theory.

 Define Management.  Define Science.  How do they relate?
 Why?  Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all
 managerial decisions.  Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50
 terminals, have each terminal activate your algorithm;
 design the communications interface and all necessary
 control programs.

 The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been
 placed in a box on your desk.  You will also find an
 instruction manual, printed in Swahili.  In ten minutes,
 a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room.  Take
 whatever action you feel appropriate.  Be prepared to
 justify your decision.

 Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.
 Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following
 areas:  Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory
 of light.  Outline a method for preventing these effects.
 Criticize this method from all possible points of view.
 Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as
 demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

 There is a red telephone on the desk beside you.  Start
 World War III.  Report at length on its socio-political
 effects, if any.

 Take a position for or against truth.  Prove the validity
 of your position.

 Explain the nature of matter.  Include in your answer an
 evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics
 on science.

 Sketch the development of human thought;  estimate its
 significance.  Compare with the development of any other
 kind of thought.

 Describe in detail.  Be objective and specific.

 Extra Credit: Define the Universe.  Give three examples.

Subj:     The S.A.P



 1. Which of the following is the correct answer to this question?
    a.   b.   c.   d.   e. none of the above

 2. ingot:bleak   ::   ingot:_______
    a. tepid   b. gold   c. oak   d. bolonga   e. bleak

 3. pork:algae   ::   green:_______
    a. six   b. five   c. ten   d. marble   e. red

 4. mugger:park   ::   king:_______
    a. castle   b. burger   c. queen   d. Jacuzzi   e. bleak


 Read the following carefully and answer the questions below.

 In addition to the obvious effects of solar activity on the
 upper atmosphere, some scientists contend that it also
 affects the weather.  These contentions, however, are for
 the most part unconfirmed and some are very dubious.  Even
 further afield, a British researcher on epidemiology
 claimed last year that "the periods of world dominance of
 successive major subtypes of influenza A virus have
 synchronized closely with the periodicity of sunspots."
 Correlations of biomedical phenomenon with solar activity,
 such as this one, are generally not taken seriously by most
 Western scientists.  Many researchers in the Soviet Union,
 however, do believe in such possibilites, including even a
 correlation of sunspots with outbreaks of plague-spreading
 rodents in central Asia.

 1. In what lanuage is the British researcher speaking?
    a. Japanese   b. Urdu   c. Bengali   d. British   e. Media

 2. The term "most Western" means
    a. Hawaii   b. John Ford's longest film   c. nothing   d. correct

 3. A conclusion that could be drawn from this passage is
    a. Russian scientists are idiots and Russia is full of rats
    b. The sun has sunspots
    c. Don't ask a question of a British researcher if you
       want an answer
    d. all of the above


 1. Which of the following is a number?
    a. blue  b. Jacques Cousteau  c. watermelon  d. John Doe  e. 5

 2. If Juan is fourteen and weighs 150 pounds, and Grover is
    nine and weighs 70 pounds, what is the probability that
    Juan can get anything he wants from Grover?
    a. 0%   b. 100%   c. a and b   d. a only   e. b only

 3. Delbert McBumm wants to pawn a hundred-dollar watch.  The
    pawnbroker gives him eleven dollars for it and then sells
    it for a hundred and twenty-five. What was the relative
    rate of mark-up in the watch in relation to half of its
    worth, if the worth is calculated at three-quarters the
    difference between the pawnbrokers's offer and 78% of
    Delbert's assessment of the watch's value?
    a. 100   b. 50   c. 75   d. 115   e. none of the above

                                            /\50 6/\
 5. Calculate the shaded area             6/  \__/  \2
    of the figure at the right.           /     2    |
    a. 0   b. 50%   c. c only             \    /\    |
    d. the answer is a                    9\  /7 \   |10
    e. go back, it's a                      \/   8\__|

 6. Grant McSwine is a repairman.  If he tells Mr. White that
    it will take him about 10 hours to do a specific job, how
    long will it really take him?
    a. six weeks   b. half an hour   c. about $300 longer
    d. not enough information because the type of repair is
       not indicated


 In the following questions you are asked to compare two
 quantities.  These quantities may be equal, or one may be
 bigger, or neither.  On your answer sheet choose a if b is
 bigger, choose b if a and b are equal, choose c if a is
 bigger, choose d if neither one is bigger, choose e if both
 are bigger, choose f if the answer cannot be determined
 from the information given, choose g if you have no idea.

    a. 2                           b. 15
    a. the area of a circle        b. the area of a square
       whose area is 10               whose area is 10
    a. my dad                      b. your dad
    a. New York City               b. Limpid, Iowa
    a. something                   b. nothing
    a. a mountain                  b. a molehill

Subj:     Pop Quiz (S39)
          From TNKRTEACH on 97-04-14

 (The video version of this test is below titled
      The Unofficial IQ Test)

 Here is a little test you might like to take.

 20 Correct - Genius
 17 Correct - Above Normal
 15 Correct - Normal
  8 Correct - Nincompoop
  6 Correct - Moron
  3 Correct - Idiot

 ****************** Questions ****************

  1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?
  2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
  3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
  4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's
     sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?
  5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
  6. How many outs are there in an inning?
  7. Is it legal for a man in California to
     marry his widow's sister? Why?
  8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the
     same number of games. There are no ties. Explain this.
  9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10.  What is the answer?
 10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape.  All sides
     have southern exposure.  A big bear walks by, what color
     is the bear?  Why?
 11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2,
     how many do you have?
 12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents.  One is not a
     nickel.  What are the coins?
 13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room
     where there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a
     wood burning stove, which one would you light first?
 14. How far can a dog run into the woods?
 15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one
     every half hour. How long would the pills last?
 16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die.
     How many are left?
 17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
 18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall.
     What does he weigh?
 19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
 20. What was the President's name in 1950?

 ****************** Answers ****************

  1. Yes
  2. One
  3. All of them (12)
  4. The beggar is her sister.
  5. He can't be buried if he isn't dead.
  6. 6
  7. No - because he is dead.
  8. They aren't playing each other.
  9. 70
 10. White.  The house is at the North Pole so
     it is a polar bear.
 11. 2
 12. 50 cent piece and a nickel. (one is a nickel,
     the other is not)
 13. The match.
 14. Half way.  Then he is running out of the woods.
 15. 1 Hour
 16. 9
 17. None - Noah took them on the ark, not Moses.
 18. Meat
 19. 12
 20. Same as it is now.

Subj:     Cute Exam Questions

 The story around Harvard was that there was a graduate
 Math course whose final always consisted of

 "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and
 answer it.  You will be graded on both parts."

 Then one year, a student answered as follows:

 The exam is: "Make up an appropriate final exam for this
 course and answer it.  You will be graded on both parts."
 The answer is: "Make up an appropriate final exam for this
 course and answer it.  You will be graded on both parts."
 His reasoning was that since that was the best exam the
 professor could write, it certainly ought to be good enough
 for a student.
 He got an A.  The professor specifically prohibited that
 answer from then on.

 This is true, about a chemistry professor at Idaho State
 University.  The professor had the following as an extra
 credit question on an exam:

 An age-old question is "How many angels can dance on the
 head of a pin?"
 Answer that question given the following:
 Each angel requires an area equal to a circle with
    a diameter the size of a gold atom in which to dance.
 The pin in question has a head which is a circular plane
    with a diameter of 0.5 mm.
 Make any other assumptions necessary to solve the problem.

 The professor was sorry to admit that he had to give full
 credit to the following answer:

 I assume that angels do not exist.
 The answer is 0.

 The following questions were used by Dr.Adrian Melott,
 Associate Professor of Physics and Astronomy here at
 the University of Kansas:

 "I put two multiple choice questions on my Physics 111
 test, after the study of elementary mechanics and gravity":

 13. If you are standing on the Moon, and holding a rock,
 and you let it go, it will:
    (a) float away
    (b) float where it is
    (c) move sideways
    (d) fall to the ground
    (e) none of the above

 25. When the Apollo astronauts were on the Moon, they did not
 fall off because:
    (a) the Earth's gravity extends to the Moon
    (b) the Moon has gravity
    (c) they wore heavy boots
    (d) they had safety ropes
    (e) they had spiked shoes

 The response showed some interesting patterns!  The first
 question was of average difficulty, compared with the rest
 of the test: 57% got it right.  The second question was
 easier: 73% got it right.  We need more research to explain
 how people got #25 right but missed #13!

 The second interesting point is that these questions proved
 to be excellent discriminators; that is, success on these
 two questions proved to be an extremely good predictor of
 overall success on the test.

 On the first question, 92% of those in the upper quarter of
 the test score got it right; only 20% of those in the bottom
 quarter did.  They generally chose answers (a) or (b).  On
 the second question, 97% in the upper quarter got it right
 and 33% in the lower quarter did.  The big popular choice of
 this group was (c)...33% chose heavy boots, followed closely
 by safety ropes at 27%.

 A telling comment on the issue of teaching elementary mechanics.

Subj:     Word Puzzles

 1)       PhD
         / \
        |   |
         \ /
         PhD    Para - Doc's   (can draw ortho - doc's as well)

 2)    hijklmno         H to O, as in water

 3)    HiHoAg           hi ho silver!!!

Subj:     Short Testing Jokes

Subj:     Urine Test (S520)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 1/2/2007
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20061225
 This appears to be an 'Opinion of the People' column from
 a newspaper.  You can read it at the source above, or on
 my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Coordination Trick Or Test (S347, S640c)
          From: KMacintyre on 9/26/2003
      and From: edapsmas on 3/31/2009
 Can someone explain this?

 While sitting at your desk make clockwise circles with your
 right foot.(don't let your foot touch the floor)

 While doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your
 right hand.

 Your foot will change direction.

Subj:     Find The Red Dot (S508b in Halloween)
          From: darrell94590
          on 10/16/2006
 This silly game, or test, is a 400 KB Power Point Show.
 You can play it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

From: Daemonic Funnies Page
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
and give the wrong answers.
                              -- A Bit of Fry and Laurie

                           -(o o)-
...........................From Smiliemania.da