(Includes 24 jokes and articles, 02991n,11,cf,wXT2a,6)
The Teachers Lounge
Also see ASIAN-CHINESE- 'Chinese
Kaleidoscope Christmas Tree' Video
BALLS file - 'SNL Schweaty Balls'
BARBIE file - 'Barbie's Letter To Santa:'
BASKETBALL - 'NBA Christmas Carol By Dribbling' - Video
BIRDS-PARROT - 'The Christmas Bird'
BREAST file - 'Kinds Of Breasts And Penises'
BROTHERS file- 'Two Brothers At Christmas'
CARS-SUPP3 - 'Chuck Norris' Christmas Splits' - Video
CAT2 file - 'Christmas Cat Poetry'
CHEMISTRY - 'The Chemistry Teacher's Coming to Town'
COMPUTERS3 - 'Programmer's Night Before Christmas'
......................- 'Twas The Night Before 2000'
......................- 'Abort, Retry, Ignore Poem'
DENTIST file - 'Dentist Makes A New Upper Plate'
EBONICS file - 'Ebonics Night Before Christmas'
FACTS2 file - 'Working Christmas Eve'
......................- 'Exchanging A Pair Of Pants'
......................- 'My Christmas Photo'
FACTS4 file - 'New Years Day Trivia'
FAIRY-TALES - 'The Three Little Pigs At Christmas' - Video
FAMOUS PEOPL1- 'Marv Albert Theme Song'
Food file - 'Dieters Night Before Christmas'
......................- 'Holiday Party Kit!'
.........GRAVEYARD - 'Arlington At Christmas'
HARLEY file - 'Harley Christmas Stockings' - Photo
HEAD-ADS-SUPP- 'Ronald Reagan's Chesterfield Ads'
HEAVEN1 file - 'Three Men Die On Christmas'
JESUS file - 'O Come, Emmanuel - Christmas Version - ThePianoGuys' - Vid
......................- 'The Digital Story Of The Nativity' - Video
JEWISH1 file - 'Adam Sandler Sings "The Hanukkah Song"' - Video
JEWISH3 file - 'Christmas Vs. Chanukah'
......................- 'The Night Before Chanukah'
......................- 'Second The Night Before Chanukah'
JOBS3 file - 'Pack It In! Happy New Year!'
JUDGE file - 'Nativity In Washington DC'
......................- 'Woman Arrested For Christmas Lights'
MAILMAN-ETC - 'U.S. Mail Vs Dogs'
MARRIAGE-SUPP- 'Couple Christmas Shops At The Mall'
MEXICAN file - 'The Night Before Christmas, Tex-Mex Vers.'
MOVIES_ETC-SP- 'Celebrity Christmas Voices'
NATIONAL file- 'The Whole World As 100 People' (for New Years)
NEW YEARS - 'To All My Democratic Friends:'
PLANE1 file - 'Stealth, Night Before Christmas'
PLANE-SUPP2 - 'WestJet Christmas Miracle' - Video
POLITICAL2 - 'Ghosts of Christmas Pres(id)ent'
PROFESSOR - 'Professor Santa Claus'
PUSSY file - 'Christmas Tree Decorations'
REDNECK3 - 'Twas A Redneck Christmas'
......................- 'Redneck Nativity Scene'
......................- 'Twas The Night After Christmas
RELIGION1 - 'PMS In The Bible'
RUSSIAN file - 'A Weather Man Named Rudolf'
SANTA file - (the whole joke file)
SOLDIER-SUPP2- 'Bob Hope's Christmas w/Troops' - Video
SCHOOL1 file - 'Presents For The Teacher'
SCIENCE1 file- 'Night Before Christmas,Scientifically Explained'
STAR WARS I - 'Star Wars Christmas'
Tear-Jerker2 - 'My First Christmas In Heaven'
......................- 'A White Envelope On The Christmas Tree'
THANKSGIVING - 'Twas The Night Of Thanksgiving'
......................- 'Woman Gets Tattooed On Her Thigh'
TRAIN file - 'The Most Beautiful Train In The World' - Video
TREES file - 'Blondie Comic Strip'
......................- 'What Do You Hear?'
CHRISTMAS1 contains general Christmas
CHRISTMAS2 includes 'Twelve Days of Christmas' jokes
CHRISTMAS3 contains 'Night Before Christmas' jokes
ChristmAS4 contains general Christmas jokes
Subj: Rudolph's Grades - Cartoon (S932)
Drawn by Mark Parisi on 12/18/2009
From: George Takei on Facebook
............."Who'll figure out this cartoon?"
'The Festivus' Skit (S934d)
From: Marge Pearson on Facebook
story is part of 'SEINFELD S09E10 The Strike
- Season 9 - Episode 10.' Click 'HERE' to see this
wonderful Seinfeld skit.
John Lewis Christmas Advent (S933d)
Published by: John Lewis
Photo from YouTube.com
This year's advert tells the
story of a little boy, Sam,
and his best friend, Monty The Penguin. This is a tale
of friendship, love and giving someone the gift they've
been dreaming of this Christmas. Click 'HERE' to see
this very cute Christmas story.
Subj: A Box of Kisses (S177, SS777)
From: RFSlick on 6/18/00
and From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 4/16/2007
The story goes that some time
ago, a man punished his
3-year old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping
paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when
the child tried to decorate a box to put under the
Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought
the gift to her father the next morning and said, "This
is for you, Daddy." He was embarrassed by his earlier
overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found
the box was empty. He yelled at her, "Don't you know
when you give someone a present, there's supposed to be
something inside it?"
The little girl looked up at
him with tears in her eyes
and said, "Oh Daddy, it's not empty. I blew kisses into
the box. All for you, Daddy." The father was crushed.
He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged
for her forgiveness.
An accident took the life of
the child only a short time
later and it is told that the man kept that gold box by
his bed for many years and whenever he was discouraged,
he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love
of the child who had put it there.
In a very real sense, each of
us as humans, have been
given a gold container filled with unconditional love
and kisses from our children, friends, family and God.
There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
A Beautiful Christmas Card (S463d)
Made by Ashland University
From: darrell94590 on 12/5/2005
video is quite pleasant. It has good
graphics and music. You can see it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Lovable Louise (S150, S777)
From: KMacinty on 12/16/1999
and From: hilary.miller05 on 12/18/2011
As a joke, my brother used to
hang a pair of panty hose over
his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for
Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the
list twice must be true because every Christmas morning,
although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor panty
hose hung sadly empty and grew increasingly threadbare.
One year I decided to make his
dream come true. I put on sun-
glasses and a fake beard and went in search of an inflatable
love doll. Of course, they don't sell those things at Walmart.
I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never
been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse your-
self. I was there almost three hours saying things like, "What
does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who owns that?" "Do you
have their phone number?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable
doll section. I wanted to
buy a standard, uncomplicated doll suitable for a night of
romance that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck
so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. I'm not sure
what a complicated doll is. Perhaps one that is subject to
wild mood shifts and using a French accent for no reason at all.
(That also describes a few ex-girlfriends.) Finding what I
wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models.
The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do
things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I figured
the "vibro-motion" was a feature Jay could live without, so I
settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price
scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help
of an old bicycle pump, Louise
came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and cleverly
left the front door key hidden under the mat. In the wee morn-
ing hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I snuck into the
house and filled the dangling panty hose with Louise's pliant
legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what
remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. Then I let myself
out, went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called
to say that Santa had been to
his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but
had left the dog confused. He would bark, start to walk away,
then come back and bark some more. I suggested he purchase an
inflatable Lassie to set Rover straight. We also agreed that
Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family
could admire her when they came over for the traditional
Christmas dinner. It seemed like a great idea, except that we
forgot that Grandma and Grandpa would be there.
My grandmother noticed Louise
the moment she walked in the door.
"What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained. "It's a doll."
"Who would play with something
like that?" Granny snapped. I
had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where
are her clothes?" Granny continued. I hadn't seen any in the
box, but I kept this information to myself. "Boy, that turkey
sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into
the dining room. But Granny was relentless.
"Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
Again, I could have answered,
but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in
the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful
old man with poor eyesight, sidled
up to me and said," Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"
I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed
Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but
actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be
Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We
made the usual small talk about who
had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly
Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the
bathroom in the morning. The she lurched from the panty hose,
flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the
The cat screamed, I passed
cranberry sauce through my nose,
and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began
administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother wet his
pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the
room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a Christmas to
treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage,
we conducted a thorough examin-
ation to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered
that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her
right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct
tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to
star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still
calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
We Wish You A Merry Christmas (S569d, S829)
From: tom on 12/15/2007
(See 'Piano Balls' in Music-Supp)
On the Jay Leno's Tonight Show,
Dan Menendez plays 'We Wish
You A Merry Christmas' by bouncing tennis balls on a keyboard.
Click 'HERE' to listen and be amazed.
Subj: Secret To A Good Marriage (S463)
From: igiggle on 12/8/2005
The secret to a good marriage?
Christmas ornaments, of course.
According to a Bavarian custom called the "Bride's Tree," there
are 12 special molded glass ornaments that newlyweds need to
hang on their tree. Each one reminds them of what's necessary
for a successful relationship:
Angel (God's Guidance)
Fish (Christ's Blessing)
Flower Basket (Good Wishes)
Fruit Basket (Generosity)
Heart (True Love)
Pine Cone (Fruitfulness)
Santa (Good Will)
Subj: Drabble Comic Strip (S987)
by Kevin Fagan on 12/23/2011
Subj: The Story Of Rudolph (S462)
From: igiggle on 12/1/2005
In 1939, Robert May, a copywriter
for Montgomery Ward, was
asked to write a Christmas poem for the holiday season. May
come up with one he called "Rollo the Red-Nosed Reindeer."
Executives of the company liked the story, but didn't like
the name Rollo. So May renamed the reindeer Reginald - the
only name he could think of that preserved the poem's rhythm.
Montgomery Ward rejected that name, too. Try as he might,
May couldn't come up with another name that fit - until his
four-year-old daughter suggested Rudolph.
The poem was a huge success.
Montgomery Ward published a
little book out of it and sold some two and a half million
copies that season. Ten years later, the popular story about
the misfit reindeer was set to music by Robert May's brother-
in-law, songwriter Johnny Marks. When the song was recorded
by singing cowboy Gene Autry, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
(betcha can hear it now) became the second-best-selling
Christmas single in history - after "White Christmas."
But that's just the beginning
of the little reindeer's
popularity. Most of us have seen - on a yearly basis perhaps
- the classic Animagic special, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,
which aired for the first time in 1964 on the General Electric
Fantasy Hour. In the show, Yukon Cornelius, Hermey the Elf,
and the misfit toys all help Rudolph save Christmas. Narrated
by Burl Ives, the TV special has been watched by an estimated
100 million families over the years. Today the show, and
Rudolph, are permanently established in the Christmas tradition.
White Trash Christmas (S464b,d)
From: darrell94590 on 12/13/2005
This cartoon video is very cute.
You can view it
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Christmas Mistake (S303, DU)
From: mombear1 on 11/22/2002
Each December, I vowed to make
Christmas a calm and peaceful
experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations -
extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even
overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable
to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course,
the true meaning of Christmas.
My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten
that year. It was an
exciting season for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been
memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant." I did
not have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of
the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I
spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress
rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents
unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then.
Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.
So, the morning of the dress
rehearsal, I filed in ten
minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat
down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly
scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were
led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their
teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group,
one by one, rose to perform their song. Because the public
school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as
"Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun,
commercial entertainment - songs of reindeer, Santa Claus,
snowflakes and good cheer.
So, when my son's class rose
to sing, "Christmas Love," I
was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was
aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy
mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their
heads. Those in the front row- center stage - held up
large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the
song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a
child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy,"
and on and on, until each child holding up his portion
had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."
The performance was going smoothly,
until suddenly, we
noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding
the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter
"M" appeared as a "W". The audience of 1st through 6th
graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she
had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall,
proudly holding her "W". Although many teachers tried to
shush the children, the laughter continued until the last
letter was raised, and we all saw it together. A hush
came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that
instant, we understood - the reason we were there, why we
celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the
chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when
the last letter was held high, the message read loud and
And, I believe, He still is.
Subj: Find A Panda Among Snowmen (S986)
Drawn by Gergely Dudas
From: Phyllis Lazarek on Facebook on 12/21/2015
(See 'Find A Cat Among Owls' in Cats1
and 'Find The Four-Leaf Clover' in Pig
and 'Can You Solve It?' - Puzzle in Math4
and 'Panda Hidden In Pills' in Bears
and 'Find The Panda: Dog Edition' in Dog-Supp2)
Subj: Guy Christmas (S468, DU)
Copyright © 2005 Blethen Maine Newspapers Inc.
From: igiggle on 1/8/2006
Source: (Removed from pressherald.mainetoday.com)
As Christmas Day fast approaches,
we are entering that
part of the annual rush called "Guy Christmas" (aka
"Christmas Eve"). It is that portion of the shopping
season in which Real Guys get ready for the holiday.
This process has three phases:
Making lists: For Real Guys (and
you know who you are), the
list-making process involves waking up on Christmas Eve
morning, mentally surveying the number of people needing
gifts, and being overcome by the realization of just how
much trouble they are going to be in if they don't buy them
Buying gifts: At this point,
Guys get dressed and go to a
store. Or possibly two stores, but in that case, one of
them always sells hardware.
If the Guy is buying for a significant
female, he will stop
by the lingerie or perfume counters and make a selection.
However, he will never, ever stop by the makeup counter.
There are limits.
If he is buying for a child,
he will go to the toy
department and buy something he would like to play with
Then he will go to the hardware
department and do the same
Wrapping gifts: Now it is Crunch
Time. If our Guys have
exercised a due amount of care and judgment, it is still
before 10 a.m. That means they have all day to wrap them.
The wrapping process is composed
of two parts - Procras-
tination and Desperation. Part One involves leaving the
presents in the trunk and watching whatever games are on
the tube today.
Part Two occurs when the last
game ends, and the "uh-oh"
process commences. Our Guy locates the wrapping paper,
ribbon and tape by the simple expedient of asking the
nearest female where she keeps them. Then he discards the
ribbon, wraps the gifts using no more than three times the
amount of paper the female would have used, and proudly
places them under the tree.
At this point, if our Guy is
a father, the All-Night Complex-
Toy Assembly Phase begins. But that's another story.
Redneck Rockwell Christmas (S517b in Redneck-Supp)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/6/2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
This really does look like a
Norman Rockwell picture
from the 1950s. You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: No Obligation Season's Greetings (S465b, DU)
From: thebartend on 12/23/2005
Please accept with no obligation,
implied or implicit, best
wishes for an environmentally conscientious, socially respon-
sible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration
of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most
enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice,
or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the
religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or
their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions
Also a fiscally successful, personally
fulfilling, and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted
calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars
of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have
helped make America great, (not to imply that America is
necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard
to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious
faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the
By accepting this greeting, you
are accepting these terms. This
greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It
implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of
the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where
prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of
This wish is warranted to perform
as expected within the usual
application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until
the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes
first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or
issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)
Subj: New Year Resolutions For Internet Junkies (S104)
From: Anaise on 99-01-22
New Year Resolutions for Internet Junkies
1. I will try to figure out
why I "really" need
12 e-mail addresses.
2. I will stop sending e-mail
to my wife (husband).
A phone call every now and then would be appreciated
3. I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
4. I will answer my snail mail
with the same enthusiasm
with which I answer my e-mail.
5. I will stop sending e-mail,
ICQ, Instant Messages
and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
6. I resolve to back up my 12GB
hard drive daily...well,
once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe... at least
once a year
7. I will spend less than one
hour a day on the Internet.
This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not
a clock watcher.
8. I will stop checking my e-mail
at 3:00 in the morning...
4:30 is much more practical since my friends overseas
already had time to answer me by then
9. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
10. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
11. I will think of a password other than "password."
12. I resolve... I resolve to...
I resolve to, uh...
I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh,
get my, er, off-line work done, too!
Subj: Christmas Warning Cone (S879d)
From: Domenic Manchester on 12/4/2013
Source: (Removed from Facebook Photos)
..........Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree
Subj: Pyschological Christmas Carols (S307)
From: homeschooling.guide on 99-01-17
and From: gheckman on 12/16/2002
SCHIZOPHRENIA - "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER
- "We Three Queens
DEMENTIA - "I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas"
NARCISSISTIC TENDENCIES - "Hark
The Herald Angels Sing
MANIA - "Deck the Halls and Walls
and House and Lawn and
Streets and Store and Office ...or Deck the Halls and
Spare No Expense!"
PARANOIA - "Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me"
PERSONALITY DISORDER - "You Better
Watch Out, I'm Gonna
Cry, I'm Gonna Pout...then MAYBE I'll tell you why!"
CLINICAL DEPRESSION - "Silent
anhedonia, Holy anhedonia.
All is calm, All is pretty lonely..."
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER
- "Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock; Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock; Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock;
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock; Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock; Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock; Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock; Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell; Jingle Bell...
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - "Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire"
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - "On the
First Day of Christmas,
My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away)"
Subj: Christmas Puns (S99)
From: smiles on 98-12-14
Source: THE WORD CIRCUS: A LETTER-PERFECT BOOK by Richard Lederer
(Merriam-Webster, hardcover, $14.95)
From the Chapter 'Have a Punny Christmas'
It's a matter of my opinion that
Yule love the game we're
about to play. In each sentence below, fill in the blank
or blanks with an expression commonly used at Christmastide.
Answers repose at the end of this column.
1. On December 24, Adam's wife was known as _____ _____.
2. In Charles Dickens's A Christmas
Carol, Scrooge was
visited by the ghost of _____ _____.
3. An opinion survey in Alaska is called a _____ _____.
4. What does Santa Claus do
with his three gardens?
_____, _____, _____
5. What Christmas message is
conveyed by these letters?:
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. _____, _____
6. When the salt and the pepper
say "Hi!" to each other,
they are passing on _____ _____.
7. A holy man bereft of change could be called _____ _____.
8. When you cross a sheep with
you get a _____ _____.
9. A quiet medieval armor-wearer is a _____ _____.
10. A cat walking on the desert is bound to get _____ _____.
11. People who tell jokes on
December 25 might
be called _____ _____.
12. An airplane disaster in Israel is a _____.
13. Actor O'Connor and actress
Channing are known on
December 25 as _____ _____.
14. What do Spanish sheep says
when they wish each
other a Merry Christmas? _____ _____.
to all! And don't forget that There's
No Plate Like Chrome for the Hollandaise.
1. Christmas Eve
2. Christmas Present
3. North Poll
4. Hoe, hoe, hoe.
5. Noel, Noel (no l, no l)
6. seasons' greetings.
7. St. Nickleless.
8. Bah! (or Baa!) Humbug!
9. silent knight
10. sandy claws
11. Christmas cards
13. Christmas Carols
14. Fleece Navidad!
EDEKA's Supermarket Jingle Bells (S933d)
Created by: EDEKA
From: AFine963 on 12/18/2014
Edeka TV Commercial for 2014, Berlin supermarket
checkers play Jingle Bells Freestyle. Click 'HERE' to
see this pleasant ad.
Subj: Season's Greetings (S96)
From: smiles on 98-11-28
marjoram sage cilantro
sarsaparilla bay leave scinnamon coriander!
garlicsalt allspice curry cinnamon
rosemary fennel parsley turmeric
dillweed ginger anise pepper
tarragon chives celeryseed nutmeg
angelica garlic allspice cloves
parsley sage rosemary thyme
mustard zest basil oregano
cumin paprika capers dill
marjoram hoisin relish Na
shallots pickle garlic Cl
woodruff cloves sesame garlic
mushroom onions morels red pepper
peppermint jalapeno tarragon mace
butterscotch lime juice
S E A S O N E D G R E E T I N G S
MERRRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR
.... said many ways . . .
'n Geseende Kersfees en 'n voorspoedige Nuwejaar
Arabic-classic I'd Miilad said oua Sana saida
Armenian Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand
Azeri Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun
Basque Zorionstsu Eguberri. Zoriontsu Urte Berri On
Bengali Naba Barsher Shubh Kamona
Breton Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat
Bulgarian Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo. Tchestita Nova Godina
Celtic Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda=13=DF
- Cantonese Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun
- Mandarin Gong zhu ge wei shengdan kuai le
(We wish you a merry Christmas)
Yi ji xin nien kuai le (and a happy new year)
- Hong Kong Kung Ho Hsin Hsi. Ching Chi Shen Tan
Cornish Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth
Czech Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok
Danish Hermed v]re beste dnsker om en Gledelig Jul og
et Godt Nytt]=r
Dutch Zalig Kerstfeest en een gelukkig Nieuwjaar
Prettige Kerstdagen en een Voorspoedig Nieuwjaar
English Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Estonian Roomsaid Joulu Phui ja Uut Aastat innish
Hyv?? Joulua ja Onnellista Uutta Vuotta
Toivotamme Hyv?? Joulua ja Onnellista Uutta Vuotta
rench Joyeux noel et bonne anne
German Frhliche Weihnachten und ein glCckliches neues JahrGreek
Swiss German Frhlichi Wynacht unds glCcklich's nis Johr
Hawaiian Mele kalikimaka me ka Hauoli Makahiki hou
Hebrew Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova
Hindi Shub Naya Baras
Hindi Naye Warsh Ki Shubhkamnaye
Hungarian Boldog Karacsonyl es Ujevl Unnepeket
Icelandic Gledlig jol og Nyar
Gledileg jl og farsXlt komandi =3Dr
Indonesian Selamah Tahun Baru
Irish Nollaig shona dhuit agus athbhliain faoi mhaise
Italian Buone Natalie e felice Capo d'Anno
Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo
Japanese merii kurisumasu (really "merry christmas" spoken
with a Japanese accent, no similar word exists
in Japanese) Happy New Year -
Shinnen omedeto (literal translation)
Shinnen akemashite omedetou gozaimasu (formal)
Akemashite omedetou (for short)
Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Kala Khristougena kai Eftikhes to Neon Etos
Korean Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Latvian Priecigus Ziemas Svetkus un Laimigu Jauno Gadu
Lithuanian Linksmu sventu Kaledu ir Laimingu Nauju Metu
Manx Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa
Marathi Shub Naya Varsh
- Ny Norsk Eg ynskjer hermed Dykk alle ein God Jul og eit
Godt Nytt $r
- Riksm]l Gledelig jul og godt nytt }r! ?archaic>
God jul og godt nytt }r! ?common usage>
Northern Sotho Matlhatse le matlhogonolo mo ngwageng o moswa.
Polish Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia i Szczesliwego
Papiamento Bon Pasku i Felis Anja Nobo
Pig Latin Errymay ristmaskay nday appyhay ewnay earyay
Portuguese Feliz Natal e prospero Ano Novo
Feliz Natal e Bom Ano Novo
Rapa-Nui Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua
Romanian Sarbatori Fericite. La Multi Ani
Russian Pozdravlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva i s Novim Godom
Samoan La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Scottish Nollaig Chridheil agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur
Serb-Croatian Sretam Bozic. Vesela Nova Godina
Singhalese......Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa
Slovak Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok
Slovene Vesele Bozicne. Screcno Novo Leto
Spanish Feliz Navidad y Prospero Ano Nuevo
Swedish Glad Jul och ett gott Nytt $r
Vi vill h?rmed nska en God Jul och ett Gott Nytt $r
Tagalog Maligayamg Pasko. Masaganang Bagong Taon
Tamil Nathar Puthu Varuda Valthukkal
Turkish Yeni Yilnizi Kutar, saadetler dilerim
Ukrainian Veselykh Svyat i scaslivoho Novoho Roku
Urdu Naya Saal Mubarak Ho
Vietnamese Chuc mung nam moi
Waray Maupay nga Pasko ngan Mainuswagon nga Bag-o nga Tu-ig
Welsh Nadolig Llawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda
Zulu: Nginifisela inhlanhla ne mpumelelo e nyakeni.
hundreds of omitted languages
incorrect spelling - - inapropriate punctuation and
characters that cannot be communicated on screens.
Subj: Kid Gets Bike For Christmas (S03, S829)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-11-04
On Christmas morning a cop on
horseback is sitting at a
traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new
bike. The cop says to the kid, Nice bike you got there.
Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year
tell Santa to put a tail-
light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the
kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and
before he rides off says,
"By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did
Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop
says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year
tell Santa to put the dick
underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Subj: Chemistree - Photo (S880d)
From: George Takei on 12/13/2013
On George Takei's web page, Gregory Savva wrote
Oh Chemistree, Oh Chemistree! How fragile are your beakers...