Subj: Banking And Money Supp
(Includes 61 jokes and articles, 07856n,38,cf,md?,?)
Click "Here" for Banking-Supp2
Dollar Sign from
Bellsnwhistles
| >>>
Subj: Banking And Money Supp (Includes 61 jokes and articles, 07856n,38,cf,md?,?) Click "Here" for Banking-Supp2 |
|
Dollar Sign from Bellsnwhistles |
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| Subj:
10 Biggest Retirement Mistakes (S662)
From: AOL.com on 9/17/2009 and From: WalletPop.com |
 |
Picture from
ScrapeTV.com |
Retirement expert Dan Solin,
author of the newly published
book 'The Smartest Retirement
Book You'll Ever Read,' takes
a look at the ten biggest money
mistakes a retiree can make.
Click on the above source, or
'HERE'
for my copy, to read
about this important topic.
Top
Subj: A Stimulus
Story (S647)
From: tom on 6/4/2009
It is the month of August on
the shores of the Black Sea.
It is raining, and the little
town looks totally deserted.
It is tough times, everybody
is in debt, and everybody
lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays
a 100 Euro note on the
reception counter, and goes
to inspect the rooms upstairs
to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the
100 Euro note and runs to
pay his debt to the butcher.
The Butcher takes the 100 Euro
note and runs to pay his
debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the 100
Euro note and runs to pay his
debt to the supplier of his
feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel
takes the 100 Euro note and
runs to pay his debt to the
town's prostitute that in these
hard times, gave her "services"
on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel,
and pays off her debt with
the 100 Euro note to the hotel
proprietor to pay for the
rooms that she rented when she
brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays
the 100 Euro note back on
the counter so that the rich
tourist will not suspect
anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist
comes down after inspecting
the rooms, and takes his 100
Euro note, after saying that he
did not like any of the rooms,
and leaves town.
No one earned anything.
However, the whole town is now
without debt, and looks to the
future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen,
is how the US Government is
doing business today.
 |
Subj:
Fred Thompson On The Economy (S622)
From: ICohen on 12/10/2008 |
Fred Thompson gives us a dose
of common sense about the
economy and the government action
to rescue it. It’s a
masterpiece of sarcasm and wit,
and almost impossible to
excerpt. You can view
this very revealing video at the
above source, or on my web site
by clicking 'HERE'.
Top
Subj: Inheriting
From Sickly Father (S521b)
From: allenbergman on 10/31/2006
When John found out he was going
to inherit a fortune on the
death of his sickly father,
he decided he needed a woman to
enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles
bar where he spotted the
most beautiful woman he had
ever seen. Her natural beauty
took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary
man," he said as he walked
up to her, but in just a week
or two, my father will die, and
I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
So impressed was the woman that
she went home with him that
evening and three days later
became his stepmother. Women
are so much smarter than men...
| Subj:
Big Lottery Winners (S589c)
From: darrellvip on 5/1/2008 |
 |
You can see this cute, short movie on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
Top
Subj: An Old
Lady's Letter To Her Bank (S610c)
From: johnpatten on 9/4/2008
Shown below is an actual letter
that was sent to a bank by
an 86-year-old woman.
The bank manager thought it amusing
enough to have it published
in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for
bouncing my check with which
I endeavored to pay my plumber
last month. By my calcula-
tions, three nanoseconds must
have elapsed between his
presenting the check and the
arrival in my account of the
funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the
automatic monthly deposit of
my entire pension, an arrange-
ment which, I admit, has been
in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for
seizing that brief window of
opportunity and also for debiting
my account $30 by way of
penalty for the inconvenience
caused to your bank. My
thankfulness springs from the
manner in which this incident
has caused me to rethink my
er rant financial ways.
I noticed that, whereas I personally
answer your telephone
calls and letters - when I try
to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal,
overcharging, pre-recorded,
faceless entity which your bank
has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose
only to deal with a flesh-
and-blood person. My mortgage
and loan repayments will
therefore and hereafter no longer
be automatic, but will
arrive at your bank, by check,
addressed personally and
confidentially to an employee
at your bank whom you must
nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense
under the Postal Act for
any other person to open such
an envelope. Please find
attached an Application Contact
which I require your
chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to
eight pages, but in order that
I know as much about him
or her as your bank knows about
me, there is no alter-
native. Please note that
all copies of his or her
medical history must be countersigned
by a Notary
Public and the mandatory details
of his/her financial
situation (income, debts, assets,
and liabilities) must
be accompanied by documented
proof. In due course, at
MY convenience, I will issue
your employee with a PIN
number which he/she must quote
in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter
than 28 digits, but,
again, I have modeled it on
the number of button
presses required of me to access
my account balance
on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation
is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS
THE STAR (*) BUTTON
FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to
see me.
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to
my living room in case
I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to
my bedroom in case
I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to
my toilet in case
I am attending
to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to
my mobile phone if
I am not
at home.
#7. To leave a message on my
computer, a password
to access
my computer is required. Password will
be communicated
to you at a later date to that
Authorized
Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu
and to listen to
options 1
through 7.
#9. To make a general complaint
or inquiry. The
contact will
then be put on hold, pending the
attention
of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder
to press* for English.
While this
may, on occasion, involve a lengthy
wait, uplifting
music will play for the duration
of the call.
Regrettably, but again following
your example, I must
also levy an establishment fee
to cover the setting
up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy,
if ever so slightly less prosperous
New Year?
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by
an 86-year-old woman)
'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE ' US SENIOR
S'!!!!!
And remember: Don't make old
ladies mad. They don't
like being old in the first
place, so it doesn't
take much to set them off.
This cute letter is an Urban
Legend as verified by Snopes.com
at
http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp
 |
Subj:
Dollar Koi Fish (S620)
by Won Park From: tom on 11/4/2008 |
This is the side view of the
"Dollar Koi Fish". It is made
with only one dollar.
The bill is folded with no cuts, no
glue, and no tape. Notice
the rounder head and defined
pectoral fins.
You can see a larger photo and
learn to make your own
"Dollar Koi Fish" at the above
source, or on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
Top
Subj: Cancel
Your Credit Cards Before You Die (S489b)
From: auntiegah on 6/7/2006
I hope you all get a good laugh
from this but there is a truth
to it as well..........
Be sure and cancel your credit
cards before you die. This is
so priceless, and so easy to
see happening, customer service
being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and
Citibank billed her for February
and March for their annual
service charges on her credit
card, and then added late fees
and interest on the monthly
charge. The balance had been $0.00,
now is somewhere around $60.00.
A family member placed a call
to Citibank:
Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Bank: "The account was never
closed and the late fees and charges
still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Bank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will
they do when they find out she
is dead?"
Bank: "Either report her account
to the frauds division or report
her to the credit bureau, maybe
both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Bank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just
get what I was telling you, the part
about her being dead?"
Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Bank: "The account was never
closed and the late fees and charges
still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Bank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
Bank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number
is given) After they get
the fax:
Bank: "Our system just isn't
set-up for death. I don't know
what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you
figure it out, great! If not, you
could just keep billing her.
I don't think she will care."
Bank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Bank: "That might help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial
Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot
Number 69."
Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "Well, What do
you do with dead people on your
planet?"
This is probably an urban legend
as confirmed by Snopes.com
at
http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/deadcard.asp
Top
Subj: Nobel
Peace Prize Winner Brings Hope (S508c)
By Holly Mullen of the Salt Lake Tribune
From: edapsmas on 10/15/2006
(See "Jessica
Jackley: Poverty, Money, and Love" in Banking-Supp2)
This is a true story, and NOT
a joke.
| This year's winner
for the Nober Peace Price
is Muhammad Yunus, Bangladeshi economist and humanitarian. Yunus, 66 shares the Nobel with the Grameen Bank, which he founded in a desperately poor village in Bangladesh in 1976. The concept of microlending ($50 to $100 U.S. currency per loan) fuels Grameen's |
 |
Picture from
Yahoo News |
In 30 years, the microlending
model has caught on in poor
neighborhoods in Chicago, Los
Angeles, and even with a group
of struggling Latino businesswomen
in Utah County. BYU
students have been schooled
in the concept by Marriott
School of Entrepreneurship Dean
Ned C. Hill and Warner
Woodworth, professor of social
entrepreneurship.
Yunus began his odyssey after
watching a woman named Sophia
weave a bamboo stool.
She told him she earned 2 cents a day.
She recounted how the women
in her village had to buy bamboo
from a trader who took the stools
to market at a price he
fixed. Yunus loaned Sophia
and 41 other women $27 of his
own to build a business.
And so it went.
Conventional wisdom held that
the poor are lazy, stupid and,
certainly, unreliable credit
risks. Yunus believed that
access to credit would build
the poorest person's self-worth.
In turn, the money would be
paid back. If it sounds like
rusty old socialism, hang on.
His genius lies in blending
concepts of various economic
models. The bank loans money
on an individual basis, but
only if the borrower joins a
group of four or more.
No one can be blood-related and
each must agree to help the
others succeed.
The loan repayment rate is nearly
perfect. According to the
Grameen Web site, 6.6 billion
entrepreneurs have borrowed
from the program. Ninety-four
percent of the bank belongs
to the borrowers; 97 percent
of them are women. The
government owns the remaining
6 percent. Borrowers operate
under rules they imposed on
themselves - a constitution, if
you will - meant to instill
social and economic discipline.
It's called "The Sixteen Decisions."
Those guiding principles might
strike the average wage-
earning American as quaint,
almost cute. But the rules are
life-affirming to the mostly
female borrowers (whom Yunus
observed pay their loans off
more quickly than men. They
also tended to spread their
prosperity among their entire
family, while men tended to
spend it on themselves).
Among the Sixteen Decisions:
"Prosperity we shall bring to
our families."
"We shall not live in dilapidated
houses. We shall repair
our houses
and work toward constructing new houses as
soon as possible."
"We shall not take dowry at
our sons' weddings, nor shall
we give any
dowry at our daughters' weddings."
"We shall build and use pit
latrines."
Yunus' last visit to Utah was
in July 2005. He networked
with BYU students and with Utah
members of RESULTS, a
worldwide grass-roots organization
determined to end
poverty and hunger.
"Yunus is changing the world,
and it started with one
small observation from a woman
weaving a stool," Leckman
said.
So there it is. We live in a
world where money too often
goes hand-in-hand with bloodshed,
fraud and conflict.
What a concept Muhammad Yunus
offered: That money can
also bring peace.
(S625b)
by John Graziano From: Comics.com on 10/24/2008 |
 |
Top
THE BUCK STOPS HERE…BUT WHY IS
A DOLLAR CALLED A BUCK?
Before the days of paper money,
Americans traded animal
skins, including deer and elk
bucks, for goods and services.
Hence the word "buck" to describe
money…and here are a few
other fun facts about money.
During the Civil War, the Bureau
of Engraving and Printing
was first called upon to print
paper notes in denominations
of 3 cents, 5 cents, 10 cents,
25 cents and 50 cents. The
reason for this is that people
hoarded coins for their
intrinsic metal value, which
created a drastic shortage.
These first bills, called greenbacks,
were used to pay Civil
War soldiers.
Martha Washington is the only
woman whose portrait has
appeared on a US currency note,
appearing on the face of
the $1 Silver Certificate of
1886 and 1891, and the back
of the $1 Silver Certificate
of 1896. There have not been
any women featured on US paper
currency in the entire 20th
century.
Why are US notes green? No one
is really sure. However, in
1929, when the Bureau of Engraving
and Printing began making
smaller size currency, green
was continued because pigment
of that color was readily available
in large quantities. The
color is relatively high in
its resistance to chemical and
physical changes, and green
has now been psychologically
identified with the strong and
stable credit of the US government.
The origin of the dollar sign
— $ — has various explanations.
The most widely accepted is
that it is the result of the
evolution of the Mexican or
Spanish "PS" symbol for pesos.
This theory, derived from a
study of old manuscripts, explains
that the S gradually came to
be written over the P, developing
a close equivalent to the $
mark. It was widely used even
before the adoption of the United
States Dollar in 1785.
Contrary to popular belief, the
automobile pictured on the
back of the $10 note is not
a Model T Ford. It is simply a
drawing by the person who designed
the bill.
The United States Secret Service
was originally formed in 1865
to combat counterfeit money.
At that time, as much as one-third
of all the money in the United
States was estimated to be
counterfeit. Currently,
about $250,000 in counterfeit money
still appears each day!
Did you know that a quarter has
119 grooves around the edge,
and a dime has 118? And do you
know the purpose of the ridges
on the edges of coins?
Without ridges, it is possible to
scrape metal off coins without
it being obvious. In the days
when coins were made of silver
or gold, a person could have
made a good, but illegal, living
from shaving coins and
selling the precious metal.
How long does money last? The
Federal Reserve System lists
that a $1 bill lasts about 22
months; $5 bills for 2 years;
$10 bills for 3 years; $20 bills
for 4 years…while $50 and
$100’s enjoy a relatively long
life of 9 years. Coins, on
the other hand, generally stay
in circulation around 30 years.
Subj: Short
Banking-Supp Jokes
|
(S665b)
by John Graziano From: Comics.com on 10/8/2008 |
 |
| Subj:
Dilbert Comic Strip (S659)
By Scott Adams From: WashingtonPost.com on 8/24/2009 |
 |
 |
Subj:
B.C. Comic Strip (S650b)
By Johnny Hart (1931-2007) From: Creators.com on 6/25/2009 |
| Subj:
U.S. Debt Clock (S648b)
From: ginafm on 5/25/2009 Source: http://www.usdebtclock.org/ |
 |
 |
Subj:
Dennis the Menace (S643c)
By Hank Ketcham From: WashingtonPost.com on 5/4/2009 |
|
(S660)
by John Graziano From: Comics.com on 9/8/2008 |
 |
| Subj:
Carlson Political Cartoon (S640c)
By Stuart Carlson From: WashingtonPost.com on 4/17/2009 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Herman Comic Strip II (S640c)
By Jim Unger From: WashingtonPost.com on 4/13/2009 |
| Subj:
Herman Comic Strip (S639b)
By Jim Unger From: WashingtonPost.com on 4/7/2009 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Beetle Bailey Comic Strips (S638c)
By Mort Walker From: WashingtonPost.com on 3/09/2009 |
| Subj:
Rugrats Comic Strip (S637)
by Nickelodeon From: Creator.com on 3/28/3009 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Chip Bok Political Cartoon (S637c)
By Chip Bok From: WashingtonPost.com on 3/27/2009 |
| Subj:
What Exactly Is One Trillion Dollars?
From: tom on 3/20/2009 (S636b) |
 |
Top
Subj: Vocabulary
Word For The Day, Liquidity (S630b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/4/2009
Liquidity: When you look at
your investments
and wet your pants.
 |
Subj:
Momma Comic Strip (S622b)
By Mell Lazarus From: WashingtomPost.com on 12/10/2008 |
| Subj:
A Thomas Jefferson Quote On Banking (S621)
From: gordonschuk on 11/16/2008 Drawing
from FineArtAmerica.com...
|
 |
 |
Subj:
Frank And Ernest Comic Strips (S618b)
By Bob Thaves From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/9/2008 |
| Subj:
Andy Capp Comic Strip II (S617b)
By Reg Smythe From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/4/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
The New Dollar Bill (S609)
From: ginafm on 10/2/2008 |
| Subj:
Funny Money Quiz (S612)
From WalletPop.com on 9/29/2008 Picture
from WalletPop.com...
|
 |
 |
Subj:
The 'Brief' Safe (S614c)
From: jcary on 9/21/2008 |
With all the theft from airline
luggage now and motel
housekeeping going through your
luggage while you are out,
this product will deter those
thieves. Just place your
valuables inside and travel
while feeling secure.
This is a real product which
is for sale at the above two
sources. Click 'HERE'
to see a picture of the 'Brief' Safe.
| Subj:
Andy Capp Comic Strip (S605c)
By Reg Smythe From: WashingtonPost.com on 8/9/2008 |
 |
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Subj:
Pooh Comic Strip (S602c)
By Disney From: Creators.com on 7/23/2008 |
| Subj:
Where Bad Credit Hurts the Most (S599)
By Julie Sturgeon • Bankrate.com From: Money.AOL.com on 7/7/2008 |
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Subj:
The Moneylender (SZ589b)
From: ginafm on 4/30/2008 Black pebble from David-Louis.com and white pebble from Yusuke.homeip.net |
| Subj:
The New Bush Coins (S583b,d)
From: rfslick on 3/26/2008 Source: (Removed by BlimpTV.net) |
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Top
Subj: Bank
Robber Shoots Witnesses (S580c, S673)
From: Fischer-J on 3/1/2008
and
From: sam.hutkins on 12/9/2009
An armed hooded robber bursts
into the Bank of Ireland
and forces the tellers to load
a sack full of cash. On
his way out the door with the
loot one brave Irish
customer grabs the hood and
pulls it off revealing the
robber's face. The robber
shoots the guy without
hesitation! He then looks around
the bank to see if
anyone else has seen him.
One of the tellers is looking
straight at him and the robber
shoots him also.
Everyone by now is very scared
and looking down at the
floor. Did anyone else
see my face?' calls the robber.
There is a few moments silence,
then one elderly Irish
gent, looking down, tentatively
raises his hand and says:
"I think me wife may have caught
a glimpse...."
 |
Subj:
3M - Security Glass (S573b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/7/2008 |
| Subj:
Quarter Backs (S557)
by Sandy Wood and Kara Kovalchik From: jbcary1 on 9/20/2007 Source: http://mentalfloss.com/quiz/quiz.php |
 |
Picture from
MentalFloss.com |
 |
Subj:
Money And Manure (S533c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/9/2007 |
| Subj:
Penny And Money Quizes (S482b)
From: AOL News on 4/22/2006 |
 |
Top
Subj: Currency
Exchange At Bank (S472c, S746)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/28/2006
and
From: allenbergman on 5/4/2011
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars
I needed to exchange, so
I went to the currency exchange
window at the local bank.
There was a short line.
There was just one lady in front
of me, an Asian lady who was
trying to exchange yens for
dollars.
It was obvious she was a little
irritated... She asked
the teller, "Why it change?
Yesterday, I get two hunat
dolla fo yen. Today I
only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations..."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you
white people too!"
 |
Subj:
Piggy Bank - Game (S460b)
From: igiggle on 11/18/2005 |
| Subj:
Money Problems Sign (S450)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/29/2005 |
 |
|
(S637c)
by John Graziano From: Comics.com on 3/21/2008 |
 |
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/19/2006
(S475b)
"Every crowd has a silver lining."
-- P.T. Barnum
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 10/24/2006
(S509b)
"What some people mistake for
the high cost of living is
really the cost of high living."
-- Doug Larson
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 11/17/2006
(S513b)
"I don't have a bank account,
because I don't know
my mother's maiden name."
-- Paula Poundstone
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/27/2007 (S554b)
There is nothing so comfortable
as money, but nothing
so defiling if it be come by
unworthily; nothing so
comfortable, but nothing so
noxious if the mind be
allowed to dwell upon it constantly.
If a man have
enough, let him spend it freely.
If he wants it, let
him earn it honestly.
-- Unknown
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/6/2007 (S559b)
Oliver Wendell Holmes once attended
a meeting in which
he was the shortest man present.
"Dr. Holmes," quipped
a friend, "I should think you'd
feel rather small among
us big fellows."
"I do," retorted Holmes. "I feel
like a dime among a lot
of pennies."
From:LABLaughsClean on 7/7/2008 (S600b
in Slogans)
If you want to know what a man
is really like, take notice
how he acts when he loses money.
-- New England proverb
From:LABLaughsClean on 7/16/2008 (S601b
in Tho-time-supp)
"Waste your money and you're
only out of money, but
waste your time and you've
lost part of your life."
-- Michael Leboeuf
From the book "The Little Book That
Saves Your Assets" (S619b)
by David M. Darst
Published by John Wiley ? Sons, Inc. in 2008
When asked what the most powerful
force in the universe
was, Albert Einstein replied
simply, "Compound interest."
From:LABLaughsAdult on 1/19/2008 (S628b)
Money isn't everything.
But it keeps the kids in touch.
From: Anonymous Jr. on 11/25/2009 (S672b)
If you bet on a horse, that's
gambling. If you bet you
can make three spades, that's
entertainment. If you bet
cotton will go up three points,
that's business. See
the difference? -- William
'Blackie' Sherrod
From: LABLaughsClean - 5/27/2009 (S649b)
Q: What is the difference between
a pigeon and an
investment banker.
A: The pigeon can still make
a deposit on a BMW.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
.
...........................
Wow
Smiles from Imogenelumen
..
.
.
