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Subj: Bathroom, Urinal, or Toilet Jokes
          (Includes 43 jokes and articles, 31 1024,16,cf,wYT2a4,5)
 

      Click 'HERE' for the Bathroom Supplement


Spider from
AGAG Animation Gallery
Includes the following:  St. Bernard's Boy's Bathroom (S508b in Supp)
.........................Swedish Self-Cleaning Toilet - Video (S765 in Supp)
.........................A White And Three Blacks At The Urinals (in Supp)
.........................Fortune 500's Men's Washroom - Cartoon (S702 in Supp)
.........................The Urinal Game (S505 in Supp)
.........................Taking Your Child In The Stall (S576 in Supp)
.........................Bathtub Toy - Video (S600b in Supp)
.........................The House Behind The House - Poem (S450 in Supp)
.........................Learning To Use The Urinal - Cartoon (S878 in Supp)
.........................Two Girls Have To Pee - Video (S642c in Supp)
.........................Bathroom Video - Video (S664b in Supp)
.........................The History of Toilet Paper (S1007 in Supp)
.........................You Never Realize What You Have... - Sign (S787 in Supp)
.........................Man Trapped In Toilet - Video (S804 in Supp)
.........................How Can A Man Who Can Hit A Deer At 250 Yards (S961 in Supp)
.........................Toilet Training (in Supp)
.........................
.........................Calvin In The Toilet (S400b)
.........................Male Restroom Etiquette - Video (S525)
.........................How To Poop At Work: (S370b, S714)
.........................11 Unique Restroom Door Signs - Web Page (S1024)
.........................Sesame Street: Ernie and his Rubber Duckie - Video (S721)
.........................Public Toilet (S363, S813)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S700)
.........................The Urinal Game (S505, S803)
.........................Husband Paints Toilet Seat (S276, S734)
.........................Mallard Cartoons (S1014)
.........................Boy Pushes Over Outhouse (S216, S478b)
.........................Toilet Testers Strive To Come Out No.2 - Web Page
.........................Bubba Wins A Toilet Brush (S191, S841)
.........................Toilet Paper Etiquette (S967)
.........................Man Needs Help Pissing (S58, S624c)
.........................Toilet Doctor - Web Page (S232)
.........................Choose-A-Urinal (S49)
.........................Toilet Seat Note To Bro - Photo (S885)
.........................The Blokes Guide To Taking A Leak..
.........................Dave Whamond Cartoon (S882)
                         Short Urinal Jokes
..............................Tundra Comics (S866 in Supp)
..............................What Your Toilet Paper Says About You (S778 in Supp)
..............................There are Friends, And True Friends (S818 in Supp)
..............................Pickles Sunday Comic Strip (S776 in Supp)
..............................Aircraft Slams Into 4 Buildings (S734 in Supp)
..............................Chuckle Bros Cartoon (S643 in Supp)
..............................The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S633c in Supp)
..............................Trapped In A Toilet At Work (S731 in Supp)
..............................Frank And Ernest Comic Strip (S631c in Supp)
..............................Opus Comic Strip (S605c in Supp)
..............................Bathroom Time Monitored (S576 in Supp)
..............................Bathroom Mirror Prank - Video (S562b in Supp)
..............................Space Toilets - Video (S561 in Supp)
..............................How To Get A Man To Wash His Hands (S557b in Supp)
..............................Doonesbury On The Senator Craig Scandal (S556b in Supp)
..............................Men Can Multi-Task - Video (S555 in Supp)
..............................The Porta-Potti - Video (S551b in Supp)
..............................Can't Miss Urinal (S404 in Supp)
..............................The Toilet Seat Wars (S506b in Supp)
..............................A Dozen Amazing Toilets (S482 in Supp)
..............................Kinky Toilet (S479b in Supp)
..............................California Outhouse (S473c in Supp)
..............................Bathroom Rules For Men (S461 in Supp)
..............................Bathroom Horror (S459b in Supp)
..............................The Fly in the Armsterdam Urinal (S451 in Supp)
..............................A Present For People Who Rubbed You Wrong (S450 - Supp)
..............................His/Hers Restrooms Doors (S418b in Supp)
..............................Sleepy Pooh (S413b in Supp)
..............................Toilet Paper Directions (S411 in Supp)
..............................
..............................Fish Tank Toilet For Sale (S393b)
..............................Part of:  A Little History From the 1500s
..............................Glass Public Toilets - Pictures (S390)

Also see BAR1 file    - 'The Golden Saloon'
......................- 'Screams Come From Bar Bathroom'
         BAR2 file    - 'Woman Rubs Barman's Facial Hair'
         BAR-SUPP     - 'Non Sequitur Cartoon'
         BATHROOM-GRAF- 'The Newest In Men's Bathroom Walls'
.........BEAR file    - 'Tundra Comics'
.........CATHOLIC     - 'A Drunk Enters The Confessional'
         CATS1 file   - 'How to Bathe A Cat'
         CHURCH-SUPP  - 'Where Is Jesus Today? (Little Johnny)
         COMPUTERS2   - 'Technology Advances But People Stay The Same'
.........COMPUTRS-SUP2- 'A Wife E-Mails Her Husband'
......................- 'Paper Is Not Dear' - French Ad
         COWBOY2 file - 'Jim Lisk, A Cowboy Cartoonist'
......................- 'Three Men At The Urinals'
         FACTS3 file  - 'New Airport Managers'
         GOLF1 file   - 'Top 10 Sugg.. For.. Golf Or Restrooms:'
......................- 'Keeping Active In Retirement?'
         GOLF3 file   - 'Golf Rules'
.........JEWISH1 file - 'Two Men Standing At The Urinals'
         KIDS5 file   - 'Having Tea With Your Daughter'
         LEPRECHAN    - 'Leprichaun At The Urinal'
         OTHER-PEOPLE - 'Dilbert Comic Strip On Robots'
         PENIS2 file  - 'Penis Problems'
......................- 'Man Needs Help At Urinal'
         PHONE file   - 'Using A Highway Rest Stop'
         PLANE-SUPP   - 'Airplane Toilet Paper Experiment' - Video
         POLITICAL1   - 'Trump Urinal' - Photo
         PRISON file  - 'Prisoner Escapes'
......................- 'Trapped In A Toilet'
         REDNECK3 file- 'Maw Wants Paw To Fix Outhouse'
         RELIGION2    - 'Three Agnostic Brothers'
         SANTA-SUPP   - 'Why Santa Didn't Answer your Letter' - Video
         SCHOOL1 file - 'Students Go To The Race Track'
         SCOTTISH file- 'Scotsman And Jew In The Bathroom'
......................- 'Bizarro Cartoon'
         SHIT file    - 'Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work'
         SOLDIER2 file- 'Pissing At Urinal'
         STARTREK-SUPP- 'Bad, Bad Walker' - Drawing
         URINAL-GRAFFTI- 'The Sink At IBM's Watson Center'
         THOUGHTS-TIME- 'How Long A Minute Is?'
         TRAIN file   - 'Hiding In The Train Bathroom'
         WAITER-Waitrs- 'Stockholm Restraunt's Toilet Seats'

============================================================Top
Subj:     Calvin In The Toilet (S400b)
          Written by: Bill Watterson on 8/19/2004
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes
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Top
Subj:     Male Restroom Etiquette (S525d)
          Made by Overman
          From: CKButch4Femme on 2/4/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/IzO1mCAVyMw

 If you've ever wondered the proper way to use a urinal, this
 video will explain all...  You can view this cute video
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     How To Poop At Work: (S370b, S714)
          From: JBCARY1 on 2/27/2004

 We've all been there but don't like to admit it.  We've all
 kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something
 brewing down below.  As much as we try to convince ourselves
 otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.  For those who hate
 pooping at work, following is the "Survival Guide" for
 taking a dump at work.

 CROP DUSTING
 When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the
 smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff
 but doesn't know where it came from.  Be careful when you
 do this.

 Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an
 extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

 THE FLY BY
 The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.  Walk
 in and check for other poopers.  If there are others in
 the bathroom, leave and come back again.  Be careful not
 to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious
 if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

 ESCAPEE
 A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal
 or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied
 by a sudden wave of embarrassment.  If you release an
 escapee, do not acknowledge it.  Pretend it did not
 happen.  If you are standing next to the farter in the
 urinal, pretend you did not hear it.

 No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
 involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties
 feel uneasy.

 JAILBREAK
 When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine
 gun pace.  This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or
 a hangover.

 If this should happen, do not panic.  Remain in the stall
 until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone
 the awkwardness of what just occurred.

 COURTESY FLUSH
 The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits
 the water.  This reduces the amount of air time the poop
 has to stink up the bathroom.  This can help you avoid
 being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

 WALK OF SHAME
 Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
 you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very
 uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you.
 As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell
 does not exist.  Can be avoided with the use of the
 COURTESY FLUSH.

 OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
 A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it.
 You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter
 the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their
 arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The
 Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

 THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
 A group of coworkers who band together to ensure
 emergency pooping goes off without incident. This
 group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out
 Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

 SAFE HAVENS
 A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
 you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
 predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce
 the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
 bathroom.

 TURD BURGLAR
 Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall
 and tries to force the door open. This is one of the
 most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur
 when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in
 the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
 will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

 CAMO-COUGH
 A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
 bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to
 cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd
 Burglars.  Very effective when used in conjunction
 with an ASTAIRE.

 ASTAIRE
 A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
 Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will
 remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you
 hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
 pooper can poop in peace.

 WATERMELON
 A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
 toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident.
 If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a
 diversion. See "CAMO-COUGH."

 HAVANAOMELET
 A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
 splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an
 Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

 AUNT LINDA
 A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
 Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
 mirror or sitting on the pot. An Aunt Linda makes it
 difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
 always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
 benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Top
Subj:     11 Unique Restroom Door Signs (S1024)
          From: AFine963
 Source: http://www.amusingplanet.com/2010/11/
.........creative-and-funny-toilet-signs-from.html
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..........Click 'HERE' to see all eleven signs.
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Top
Subj:     Sesame Street: Ernie and his Rubber Duckie
          From: Karen S Dexheimer on Facebook
          on 11/5/2010 (S721d, S812)
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/Mh85R-S-dh8
 Source2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_Duckie

 "Rubber Duckie" is a song sung by the Muppet character Ernie
 (voiced by Jim Henson) on Sesame Street.  The song is named
 after Ernie's toy, a rubber duck affectionately named Rubber Duckie.
 The song became a surprise mainstream hit, reaching #16 on the
 Billboard Hot 100 in September 1970 and #14 on the Australian
 Singles Chart in December that same year.  Click 'HERE' to see
 this classic Sesame Street skit.

Top
Subj:     Public Toilet (S363, S813)
          From: tom on 10/10/2009
      and From: virv on 8/12/2012

 My mother was a fanatic about public toilets.  As a little
 girl, she'd bring me in the stall, teach me to wad up toilet
 paper and wipe the seat.  Then, she'd carefully lay strips
 of toilet paper to cover the seat.  Finally, she'd instruct,
 "Never, never sit on a public toilet seat, a Bad Lady might
 have just used this toilet."  And she'd demonstrate "The
 Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a
 sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh
 make contact with the toilet seat.  But by this time, I'd
 have peed down my leg. And we'd go home.

 That was a long time ago. I've had lots of experience with
 public toilets since then, but I'm still not particularly
 fond of public toilets, especially those with powerful,
 red-eye sensors.  Those toilets know when you want them to
 flush.  They are psychic toilets.  But I always confuse
 their psychic ability by following my mother's advice and
 assuming The Stance.

 The Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when
 one's bladder is especially full.  This is most likely to
 occur after watching a full-length feature film.  During
 the movie pee, it is early impossible to hold The Stance.
 You know what I mean.  You drink a two liter cup of Diet
 Coke, then sit still through a three-hour saga because,
 for God's sake, even if you didn't wipe or wash your
 hands in the bathroom, you'd still miss the pivotal part
 of the movie or the second scene, in which they flash the
 leading man's naked derriere.

 So, you cross your legs and you hold it.  And you hold it
 until that first credit rolls and you sprint to the bath-
 room, about ready to explode all over your internal organs.

 At the bathroom, you find a line of women that makes you
 think there's a half-price sale on Mel Gibson's underwear
 in there.  So, you wait and smile politely at all the other
 ladies, also crossing their legs and smiling politely.  And
 you finally get closer.  You check for feet under the stall
 doors.  Every one is occupied.  You hope no one is doing
 frivolous things behind those stall doors, like blowing her
 nose or checking the contents of her wallet.

 Finally, a stall door opens and you dash, nearly knocking
 down the woman leaving the stall.  You get in to find the
 door won't latch.  It doesn't matter.  You hang your hand-
 bag on the door hook, yank down your pants and assume The
 Stance.  Relief.  More relief.

 Then your thighs begin to shake.  You'd love to sit down
 but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or
 lay toilet paper on it, so you hold The Stance as your
 thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on
 the Richter scale.

 To take your mind off it, you reach for the toilet paper.
 Might as well be ready when you are done.  The toilet paper
 dispenser is empty.  Your thighs shake more.  You remember
 the tiny napkin you wiped your fingers on after eating
 buttered popcorn.  It would have to do.  You crumble it in
 the puffiest way possible.
 
 It is still smaller than your thumbnail.
 Someone pushes open your stall door because
 the latch doesn't work and your pocketbook
 whams you in the head.   "Occupied!" you
 scream as you reach out for the door,
 dropping your buttered popcorn napkin in a puddle and
 falling backward, directly onto the toilet seat.

 You get up quickly, but it's too late.  Your bare bottom
 has made contact with all the germs and life forms on
 the bare seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper,
 not that there was any, even if you had enough time to.
 And your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she
 knew, because her bare bottom never touched a public
 toilet seat because, frankly, "You don't know what kind
 of disease you could get."

 And by this time, the automatic sensor on the back of
 the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up
 a stream of water akin to a fountain and then it
 suddenly sucks everything down with such force that
 you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of
 being dragged to China.

 At that point, you give up.  You're finished peeing.
 You're soaked by the splashing water.  You're
 exhausted.  You try to wipe with a Chicklet wrapper
 you found in your pocket, then slink out incon-
 spicuously to the sinks.

 You can't figure out how to operate the sinks with
 the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with
 spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of
 women, still waiting, cross-legged and unable to
 smile politely at this point.

 One kind soul at the very end of the line points
 out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper
 on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River.
 You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the
 woman's hand and say warmly, "Here, you might need
 this."

 At this time, you see your spouse, who has entered,
 used and exited his bathroom and read a copy of War
 and Peace while waiting for you.  "What took you so
 long?" he asks, annoyed.  That's when you kick him
 sharply in the shin and go home.

 This is dedicated to all women everywhere who have
 ever had to deal with a public toilet.  And it
 finally explains to all you men what takes us so long.

Top
Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S700)
          By Dan Piraro on 6/12/2010
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/june-12-2010/
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Top
Subj:     The Urinal Game (S505d, S803)
          From: CleverMedia on 9/23/2006
 Source1: http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game.html
 Source2: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/urinal

 Test your knowledge of men's room etiquette!  You can play
 the game by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Husband Paints Toilet Seat (S276, S734)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 5/14/2002
      and From: Carfal on 2/2/2011

 Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks
 to paint the seat on their toilet.  Finally, he got around
 to doing it while Lucy was out.

 After finishing, he left to take care of another matter
 before she returned.  She came in and undressed to take a
 shower.  Before getting in the shower, she sat on the
 toilet.  As she tried to stand up, she realized that the
 not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

 About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predic-
 ament.  They both pushed and pulled without any success
 whatsoever.  Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the
 toilet seat bolts.  Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself
 and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.

 The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study
 how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).
 Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,
 "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this
 before."  The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of
 them.  I just never saw one mounted and framed."

Top
Subj:     Mallard Cartoons (S1014)
          By Bruce Tinsley on 6/16/2016
Source: http://comicskingdom.com/mallard-fillmore#
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Subj:     Boy Pushes Over Outhouse (S216, S478b)
          From: thebartend on 3/22/2001
      and From: darrell94590 on 3/20/2006

 Once there was a little boy who lived in the country.  They
 had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because
 it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all
 the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek
 and the boy determined that one day he would push that out-
 house into the creek.

 One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the
 little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse
 into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing.
 Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

 That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed
 after supper.  Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy
 asked why.  The dad replied, "someone pushed the outhouse
 into the creek today.  It was you, wasn't it, son?"  The boy
 answered yes.  Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I
 read in school today that George Washington chopped down a
 cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the
 truth." The dad replied, "well, son, George Washington's
 father wasn't in that cherry tree!"

Top
Subj:     Toilet Testers Strive To Come Out No. 2
          By DAVE BARRY

.........Click
.........'Toilet Testers Strive To Come Out No. 2'
 ........to read Dave Barry's very funny take on
.........the standard American household commode.

Top
Subj:     Bubba Wins A Toilet Brush (S191, S841)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 9/25/00
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Bubba drawing
from Quizarama
 Bubba and Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the
 decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.  They bought
 five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

 The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a
 prize.  Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti
 sauce and extra-long spaghetti.  Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet
 brush.

 About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the
 neighborhood bar for a couple of beers.  Bubba asked Earl how he
 liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti!
 How about you, how's that toilet brush?"

 "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."

Top
Subj:     Toilet Paper Etiquette (S967)
          From: Fred Carll on Facebook
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/Go2Rewards/photos/a.5955637271364
.........85.156900.591263157566542/1188906427802209/?type=1?theater
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Top
Subj:     Man Needs Help Pissing  (S58, S624c)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #235 on 98-03-09

 (Also see 'Man Needs Help At Urinal' in Penis2)

 A man walks into a public men's room.  His arms are held
 awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply,
 fingers spread apart.

 He approaches another man and asks, "Excuse me, but could
 you please unzip my fly?"

 The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the
 stranger, who appears to be crippled.  He thinks how
 humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for some-
 thing like this, so he complies, unzipping the first
 man's pants.

 Next, the man asks him to hold his penis while he pees.
 The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he
 is asked.

 Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts
 to put his penis back in his pants.

 "Oh, I can take care of that." the first man says, blowing
 on his fingers.  "I think my nails are dry now."

Top
Subj:     Toilet Doctor (S232)
          From: pns on 7/11/2001

..........Click
..........'Stay Healthy With The Toilet Doctor'
..........to learn about this futuristic toilet.

Top
Subj:     Choose-A-Urinal (S49)
          Take the first annual, Choose-A-Urinal(c) Challenge!

 (Also see 'The Urinal Game' in Bathroom Supp)

 Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men every-
 where).  Women are on their own.  But, there IS a code of
 the restroom that MUST be followed.

 The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's
 room.  An X above the number will indicate "in use."

 (Sample)

 |   |   | x |   |   | x |     indicates men are at stalls 3
 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |     and 6.
 -------------------------
 

 You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette,
 at which stall you are to correctly stand. Good luck!
 

 --------------------
     Easy Section
 --------------------

 1.)

 |   | x |   | x |   |   |      (Stalls 2 and 4 occupied.)
 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
 -------------------------

 Your choice:  __
 
 
 

 1 (easy).      6 - It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy
                    instinctively knows this.
 
 
 

 2.)

 | x |   |   |   |   |   |    (1 occupied.)
 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
 -------------------------

 Your choice:  __
 
 
 
 

 2 (easy).      6 - Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a
                    greater risk of being next to someone
                    who arrives later.
 

 -------------------------------
     Kind of tricky Section
 -------------------------------

 3.)

 |   |   |   |   |   |   |   (empty)
 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
 --------------------------

 Your choice:  __
 
 
 
 

 3 (kind of tricky).   1 or 6 - You are tacitly saying, "I
                                don't want anyone next to me."
 
 

 4.)

 |   | x |   | x |   | x |           (2, 4 and 6 occupied)
 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
 -------------------------

 Your choice:  ___
 
 
 

 4 (kind of tricky).    1 - You're stuck being next to at
                            least ONE guy, so you minimize the
                            impact and get a wall on your left.
                           NEVER go between TWO guys if you
                            can help it.  Exceptions to this
                            are stadium restrooms where the
                            herd thunders in.
 

 ---------------------------------------------
 Subtle, tricky, but important to know Section
 ---------------------------------------------

 5.)

 |   | x |   |   | x | x |          (2, 5 and 6 occupied)
 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
 -------------------------

 Your choice:  __
 
 
 
 

 5 (HARD!).        4 - Believe it or not,  1 and 3 "couples"
                       you with the guy in stall 2.  And we
                       wouldn't want THAT now, would we?
                       This differs from question 4 in such a
                       subtle way that the nuances cannot be
                       explained.  Suffice to say, only we men
                       would understand!
 

 --------------------------
 VERY tricky indeed Section
 --------------------------

  6.)

 | x | x |   |   | x | x |          (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)
 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
 -------------------------

 Your choice:  ___
 
 
 

 6 (DAMN HARD!).    NONE!  You go to the mirror and pretend to
                            comb your hair or straighten a tie
                            until the urinals "open up" a bit
                            more. If you have to go REAL, REAL
                            BAD...for god's sake, man!...use
                            a doored stall.

 Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:

 -- NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then,
 keep it terse and unemotional.  This ain't no clubhouse.

 -- I don't think I need to tell you, absolutely NO touching
 of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow
 is of the highest offense.

 -- NO Singing.  Period.

 -- Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah,
 I see you there.  I will not look again".

 Who'd have thought SO much goes into a seemingly simple process?

Top
Subj:     Toilet Seat Note To Bro (S885d)
          From: OnTheRocksTalk.com
 Source: http://www.imgur.com/9qmZCJR
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Found out the girl I slept with has a boyfriend
the next day. Left this note under the toilet seat
where hopefully only he'll see it.
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Top
Subj:     The Blokes Guide To Taking A Leak..
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #173
          Out of "The Blokes Guide to Taking a Leak"
                 written by Simon Travaglia

 Taking a leak is a complex procedure and a minefield of
 social faux pas-es.  It might seem (to the non-bloke casual
 observer) like a trivial procedure of pulling the Holden
 over to the side of the road, finding a reasonably foliaged
 bush and bleeding the lizard; but it's not.

 Not at all.

 In reality, the above scenario only occurs when the bloke
 concerned is on his own on a fairly sheltered road.  In the
 REAL bloke world, when you're barrelling up the Auckland
 motorway (well, as barrelling as you can with the handbrake
 driving as the designated driver, at 93 km/hr because you
 and the mates have made the compulsory pub stops which render
 you unable to drive AND retain your license), it's not as
 simple as that. One must consider Leak etiquette.

 Leak Etiquette: General Rules

 Never take a leak onto the ground. Urine must be only be
 directed at vertical objects, such as trees, bushes etc.
 However, taking a leak over a bank or off a bridge is allowed,
 especially if it's on the way home from the pub.

 If you are exceptionally boozed other non-vertical items can
 be used.  The boot or back seat of a Ford Escort or Datsun
 Bluebird for instance.  Always concentrate on what you're
 doing.  Never look at another guy's dick.  Ever.  Never,
 Ever, make a comment about another blokes dick.  "Shit, that
 is a big bastard" is completely inappropriate.

 If you somehow happen to break this rule, never, EVER, begin
 your comment with "FUCK ME..."  Results are indeterminant,
 especially if drinking in a pub where they put fruit down
 the spout of your bottle. Never flash your dick.  Especially
 if it's fucking humungous. There's no need to upset the
 lads. Be humble.

 If you know someone in the shithouse, you can engage them in
 polite conversation, bearing in mind that, "Shit, that's a
 big bastard" or "You just been swimming?" isn't polite.  Talk
 about the rugby.  Ask him a technical question about the
 valve settings for the V8. Just get the job done then leave.

 Leaving the Shithouse

 Leaving the bogs involves some form of closure.  A couple of
 shakes is acceptable, but 400 is excessive and is likely to
 facilitate the finding of your body somewhere unpleasant the
 next morning.

 Sometimes it's appropriate to sigh after a long awaited leak,
 but mostly not. It depends how much you enjoy playing footy
 and how much you would miss it.  A big Bloke-Call is "Do I
 wash my hands?"

 Now, the legendary Super-Kiwi-Bloke doesn't even wash his
 hands after aiding the tricky birth of a couple of calves,
 emptying a sump and helping the septic tank guy with his
 hoses just prior to dinner. But we can't all be like that.
 So, maybe you do, and maybe you don't.  And maybe you chuck
 your hands under the hot air dryer or maybe you realise
 that that's the first step to getting your own hair dryer
 and opening up a flower shop. It's up to you.

 One thing you must NEVER do however, is catch your reflection
 in the mirror for more than a microsecond.  "Posing" is a
 cardinal sin, and is to be avoided by Blokes at all cost.  It
 starts with posing and ends up when you buy a "dress watch"
 that isn't even waterproof so you have to take it off before
 assisting a calf birth as above.

 Before you know it, you're buying men's perfume, have your
 own "man-bag" and your mates are playing those bloody funny
 jokes on you by driving on the footpath that you're walking
 on.  Ha ha ha, what a bunch of jokers!!!  Three weeks after
 that, you discover that you're really a woman trapped in
 the body of a man and the "dress watch" was just a manifest-
 ation of your subconcious wish to wear a dress proper, and
 your bloke life is over.  So, don't look in the mirror.

Top
Subj:     Dave Whamond Cartoon (S882d)
          Cartoonist Dave Whamond
          From: tom on 11/29/2013
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/realitycheck/2009/06/02
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.................
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Subj:     Short Urinal Jokes
 

Top
Subj:     Fish Tank Toilet For Sale (S393b)
          From: CKButch4Femme on 8/5/2004
..........Source: (Removed from urbanpeel.com)
 For those who are looking for something different in their
 bathroom, click 'HERE' to view this item for sale.
 

Top
Subj:     Part of:  A Little History From the 1500s in FACTS5
 Most people got married in June because they took their
 yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June.
 However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a
 bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
 

 Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.  The
 man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water,
 then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally
 the children -- last of all the babies.  By then the water
 was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it-hence
 the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

 In 1900 only 14 percent of the homes in the United States
 had a bathtub.
 

Top
 
Subj:     Glass Public Toilets - Pictures (S390)
          From: jbcary1 on 7/14/2004
 These are pictures of glass public toilets in Switzerland
 and London.  Click 'HERE' to view these two amazing poopers.
 
 

 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

 About 1/3 of all Americans say they do this while sitting?
 Flush the toilet.

 The first toilet ever seen on television was on
 "Leave It To Beaver".

 Facts about Americans. Did you know that...
 46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after
    they've used the toilet.
 30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
 54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.
 23.5% admit they don't always flush.
 45.2% pee in the shower.
 44.9% pee in the ocean.
 28.1% pee in the pool.
 55.2% will let someone else come in the bathroom while
    they're on the toilet.
 39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet.
    17% have been caught by the host.
 81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.

 From LAWS file.

 In Boston, Massachusetts it is illegal to take a bath
 unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so....

From: dogbyte on 3/1/2002 (S266c)
 How long a minute is depends on which side
 of the bathroom door you are on!

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 11/28/2001 (S253)
 "Here's a bonehead error that guys often commit in guest
 bathrooms: They see soap on a soap dish, and they use it to
 wash their hands. This of course ruins the guest soap, which
 is defined as "soap that guests are not supposed to use."
 Its purpose is to match the guest towels." -Dave Berry

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/10/2002 (S284B)
 The man who often finds himself in hot water is the
 one with a wife, several daughters and one bathroom.
    -- Anonymous
 

From: huumor.com on 8/6/01 (S237)
 Q: What do you do if someone's having a seizure in a bathtub?
 A: Throw in a load of laundry.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
............................From Smiley_Central.
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