Subj:  Bathroom Graffiti Jokes
            (Includes 238 jokes and articles, 24837,4,cf,md4b,4)

Cat In Bathroom from
Includes the following:  The Newest In Men's Bathroom Walls (S459)
.........................Other Bathroom Graffiti
.........................The Sink At IBM's Watson Center (S117)
.........................Graffiti Cartoon (S453)
.........................Bathroom Graffiti (S20, S665a)
.........................Wizard of Id Comic Strip (S700b)
.........................Bathroom Rhymes And Graffiti (S623)
.........................The King - Cartoon (S494)

Also see COMPUTERS2  -  'Technology Advances But People Stay The Same'
Subj:     The Newest In Men's Bathroom Walls (S459)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 11/4/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19991123

 You can view this great public bathroom innovation at the source
 above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Other Bathroom Graffiti

From: DafterLafter on 4/18/03 (S325b)
 When you see the handwriting on the wall,
 you can bet you're in a public restroom.

Subj:     The Sink At IBM's Watson Center (S117)
          From: ossama on 4/25/99
 In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed
 a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it:


 The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the
 sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser,
 someone had carefully lettered another sign which read:


From: jcary on 99-01-18 (S104)
 Friends don't let friends take home ugly women
  - Men's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

From: Tom_Adams on 3/24/99
 If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't
 take a dump here.  Your asshole is in Washington.
   ---Men's room Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, WA

From: pns on 11/26/2002 (S304b)
 On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere..."
 Written just below it: "I do not!"

From: Anonymous Jr. on 1/24/2013 (S837)
 Written in a bathroom stall,
 "No job is finished, till the paperwork is done."

Subj:     Graffiti Cartoon (S453)
          From: LABLaughsAdult 
          on 9/19/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A20050919

 You can view this well done 'Graffiti Cartoon' at the source
 above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Bathroom Graffiti (S20, S665a)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #173
      and From: JBCARY1 on 12/2/2003

 What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in
 your hands. * Mens room, Lynagh's Bar. Lexington, KY

 A Woman's Rule of Thumb:  If it has tires or testicles,
 you're going  to have trouble with it.
 * Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort.  Dallas, Texas

 I used to be into necrophilia and beastiality....
 but then I realized I was just kicking a dead horse.
 * The Cellar Restaurant, VA

 Hey Nike, I just did it!
 * Tastee Diner, Bethesda, MD

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #174

 Women give sex to get love,
 Men give love to get sex,
 Let's just be happy and fuck all night.

 All women want one man to satisfy their every need,
 All men want every women to satisfy their one need.

From: TNKRTEACH on 97-06-28
From a book called, "Wisdom From The Walls,"
   by Kristen Kammerer and Bridget Snyder.

 The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast
 plate open. * Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

 Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
 * Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

 If you can piss this high, join the fire department.
 On the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 feet.
 * O'Ryan's -Irish Pub. Ashland, Oregon.

 Beauty is only a light switch away.
 * Perkins Library.  Duke University.  Durham, North Carolina.

 I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
 * Houghton Library, Harvard University.  Cambridge, Massachusetts.

 If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then
 let's all get wasted  together and have the time of our lives.
 * Armand's Pizza.  Washington, D.C.

 Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
 * Rest stop off Route 81.  West Virginia.

 God made pot.  Man made beer.  Who do you trust? -The Irish Times.
 Washington, D.C.

 Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
 * The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

 No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and
 tired of putting up with her shit.
 * Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill.  Chapel Hill,  North Carolina.

 To do is to be.       -Descartes
 To be is to do.       -Voltaire
 Do be do be do.     -Frank Sinatra
 * Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats.  Scottsdale,  Arizona.

 At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
 * Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson,  Arizona.

 It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
 * Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.

 Make love, not war.-Hell, do both, get married!
 * Women's restroom, The Filling Station.  Bozeman, Montana.

 God is dead.  -Nietzsche
 Nietzsche is dead.  -God
 * The Tombs Restaurant.  Washington, D.C.

 If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
 * Revolution Books.  New York, New York.

 JESUS SAVES!  But wouldn't it be better if he had invested?
 * Men's restroom, American University.  Washington, D.C.

 If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite
 of progress? Congress!
 * Men's restroom, House of Representatives.  Washington, D.C.

 * Men's restroom.  Duke Nukem 3d, first scenario, first level.

 Watch out for Gay Limbo Dancers
 * Inside toilet stall door, Men's restroom, ???

 Express Lane: Five beers or less
 * Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's. Pheonix, AZ.

 You're too good for him.
 * Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's.
   Beverly Hills, CA.

 No wonder you always go home alone.
 * Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's.
   Beverly Hills, CA.

 Seen in a gents room in London recently:
 "Doctor, I think my wife's dead."
 "Oh, really?  What makes you think that?"
 "Well, the sex is great, but my dirty washing's piling up."

Subj:     Wizard of Id (S700b)
          By Parker and Hart
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 6/12/2010
 Source: http://comics.washingtonpost.com/11_comics_wizard-of-id.html

 Click 'HERE' to see this cute comic strip.

Subj:     Bathroom Rhymes And Graffiti (S623)
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page

  Some people come to sit and think.
  Others come to shit and stink.
  I come here to rest my balls and
  Read the words upon the walls.

  Here I lie in stinky vapor,
  Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
  Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
  Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
  Here I sit in the misty vapor.
  Someone stole the toilet paper.
  I cannot wait, I cannot linger,
  Watch out ass, here comes the finger!

  Here I sit
  What a caper
  I have to shit
  But I'm out of paper

  Some people are poor
  While others are rich
  But a shithouse poet
  Is a son of a bitch

  The painters work is all in vain
  The shithouse poet strikes again

  Here I sit in stinking vapor
  Some son of a bitch stole the paper!

  Here I sit
  Cheeks a flexin'
  Squeezin' out
  Another Texan.

  To the shithouse poet
  When he should die,
  There should be erected,
  Broad and high,
  For his cunning
  And for his wit,
  A solid monument of shit.

  When this toilet cleaner finally dies,
  He will find erected in the skies,
  A tribute to his glorious wit,
  A monument of solid shit.

  Here I sit
  Broken hearted
  Tried to shit
  But only farted

  Better that
  Than take a chance,
  Costs more than a dime
  To launder pants.

  You're lucky
  You had your chance
  I tried to fart,
  And shit my pants!

  I came here
  To shit and stink,
  But all I do
  Is sit and think.

  Here I sit
  And contemplate.
  Should I shit
  Or masturbate?

  Here I sit in dull repose,
  That fart you left still burns my nose.

  It makes me wonder, to see such wit,
  If Shakespeare had been here to shit.
  Some swear they saw Shakespeare walk in,
  But others say that fart was Bacon.

  No matter how you move
  Or how you dance,
  The last drop always winds up
  In your pants.

  Second version
  From: dogbyte on 8/30/2002 (S291b)
   Written above the urinal:
   "No matter how you jump and dance,...
    The last two drops go down your pants."

  Give me a muff with thighs on both sides
  That's furry and pink all covered with stink;
  I don't even care if it's old or it's new,
  Cause what the hell, it's something to screw.

  Some come here to sit and think,
  Some come here to shit and stink,
  But I come here to scratch my balls,
  And read the bullshit on the walls...

  People who write on bathroom walls
  Roll their shit into little balls.
  Those who read their words of wit,
  Eat those little balls of shit.

  Here I sit, buns a-flexin,
  Just gave birth to another Texan

  Here I sit
  On the pooper,
  Giving birth
  To another state trooper.

  (seen during the height of the Iranian/U.S. hostage crisis)
  Here I sit, buns a-strainin'
  Just gave birth to another Iranian

  Here I sit, so broken hearted
  Paid my dime and only farted.
  Yesterday though,
  I took a chance,
  Saved my dime,
  But shit my pants.

  Here I sit, so broken hearted,
  Paid my dime and only farted.
  First a push, then a squeeze,
  And out it came like melted cheese.
  Then I had some prunes to eat,
  And now there's shit up to the seat.

  (written high upon the wall)
  If you can piss above this line, the Hillsboro Fire
  Department want's you.

  (written high upon the wall above a urinal)
  Don't look up here, the joke's in your hand.

  Written above a urinal:
  You hold in your hands your family's future.

  Seen above a urinal:
  If you think some people are gay, look at
  what you're holding!

  (written high upon the wall)
  Look up here and you're pissin' on your shoes!

  Sign over a urinal:
  Attention, ?ethnic group>, the rock candy in
  the urinals is NOT for you.

  Sign over a urinal:
  Don't eat the big mint...it's been kinda' sour
  the last couple times!

  More than two shakes and your enjoying it too much.

  Written on the toilet paper dispenser:
  "Get your sociology degree here."

  Sign posted in a bathroom:
  We aim to please!
  You aim too!  Please!

  Seen above a urinal:
  Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
  We don't piss in your ashtrays!

  There's no use standing on the seat.
  The crabs in here can jump 6 feet.
  There's no use going in the one next door.
  The ones in there jump 6 foot four.

  If you wipe it more than once, you're playing with it.

  I do not like this place at all:
  The seat is too high and the hole is too small.
  [In another handwriting]
  You open yourself to a simple retort:
  Your ass is too big and your legs are too short.

  How dry I am,
  How wet I'll be,
  If I don't find
  The bathroom key.
  So I find the key,
  I open the door,
  Oops! too late,
  It's on the floor.

  I sat down on the toilet to take a shit and I noticed
  this writing scrawled on the wall slanted.  I leaned
  over to read it and it said: If you can read this, you
  are now shitting at a 45 degree angle...

  Written on the toilet paper dispenser: 'This toilet
  paper is like Clint Eastwood; They're both rough and
  tough and don't take shit off of anybody!'

  Taking a piss at a urinal, on the wall,
  'Please excuse the mess on the floor; My aim is a
  little off today...' "

  Ever notice hard it is to pull out toilet paper from
  some dispensers?  Written on one particular dispenser:
  'Took me 5 minutes to shit, 15 minutes to wipe my ass!
  Somebody oil this MO-FO roller!'

  Notice in Men's toilet:
  "We aim to please, so you aim too, please."

  If you sprinkle
  while you tinkle,
  please be neat
  and wipe the seat

  Don't throw toothpicks in the urinals; crabs pole-vault!

  At the Los Angeles Air Force Base, the following was on
  the wall of one bathroom (common bathroom for men and
  women): Those with short stacks, low manifold pressure,
  or afterburner leakage, please taxi up to the runway.

  I wish I were the toilet paper
  In my girlfriend's hand
  So every time she wiped
  I could see the promised land!
  Will the asshole who leaves the floaters everyday cut
  the crap and flush twice. It's a long way to LA.

  Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing
  machine were these words: "Don't buy this gum, it
  tastes like rubber."

  Written on one of the condom vending machines:
  For refund, insert baby.

  Written above a urinal in the men's restroom:
  "No matter how much you wiggle,
  no matter how much you dance,
  the last two drops go down your pants!
  (I just wipe mine off with my tie)"

  On the inside of a toilet door:
  Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout
  the entire performance.

  Support bacteria, It's the only culture most people have.

  Our aim is to keep the toilet clean.  Your aim would
  be appreciated.

  "$1.49 - All You Can Eat"  (with an arrow pointing
  down into the toilet)

  What does toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have
  in common?  They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

  Written above a urinal in the mens restroom:
  We are urinals!  We don't take no shit!

  In the engineering building, in small print low on the
  wall in the front of the stall so you had to lean
  forward to read it: You are now shitting at a 45 degree
  angle. Sure enough, he was right.

  "Here I sat to take a dump.
  Out it squirmed, a greasy lump.
  Greenish-black, like melting tar
  Or oil from an old used car.
  It floats a moment, then it sinks.
  My chunky cable - how it stinks!
  My ass cheeks tremble, my sphincter sighs,
  And cramps of exhaustion clench my thighs.
  I weep with pride at my slimy shit,
  And ROB is the name I give to it!"
    - Lord Byron

  In one persons handwriting -
     I love Amy M.
  In someone elses right below it -
     Who hasn't?

  I stink, therefore I am.

  Written on a bathroom wall:
     "Question Authority"
  and written beneath it:

  A sign I saw at a swimming pool once:
  We don't swim in your toilet,
  so please don't pee in our pool!

  Another sign seen at a swimming pool:
  Welcome to our ool.
  Notice there's no P in it.
  Please keep it that way.

  If you find there is no paper,
  Use your finger as a scraper.

  Scrawled inside a toilet stall of a college chemistry
  building: For a really high time, call CH3-COOH.

  here I sit
  arms enfolding
  my melting body.
  I'm wondering of you
  as I slowly become one
  with the chair that holds me.
  Here I Sit
  (as I slowly become one / with the chair that holds me)

  Here I sit down, broken-hearted
  Trying to push a yet unstarted
  Poem into bright creation -
  Oh, the pains of constipation!
  Hours have passed, I've merely parted
  Rump cheeks and effetely farted
  Those weak blasts of wind excluded
  Nothing concrete has extruded!
  Other assholes far more shitten
  In their time have poems written
  Am I such a fucked up nerd
  That can't shit a single turd?

  As I sit disgorging vapour
  My pen rests on toilet paper
  Spreading ink out from its tip -
  Till the fragile sheets will rip,
  And create a sphinctral fissure
  Which the pen, with lightest pressure,
  Will advance through, triumphally
  ... deepening my melancholy.
  Save me lord from poet's clog!
  Spare me this cramped stinky bog!
  This unending waiting on
  A clammy bum-unfriendly john!

  No! I will not sit and mope!
  Yes! I'll sit, with rumbling hope
  To my tum a glow imparting,
  Wishing shitting, faintly farting,
  Till my muse gets off her butt
  And proceeds to squeeze my gut -
  Then will plop a finely worded
  Poem, goldenly bemerded,
  In a blaze of spice (and fury
  of the evening's hot tandoori
  chicken ...) and in one grand motion
  I'll have spewed my gut-emotion!
  So I *will* sit, spouting gas
  Even if, in hours that pass,
  Crap coats brain and blood runs shitten -
  I won't rise till something's written!

  In the Crown ? Anchor Pub Ladies Room (Austin, Texas)
  If you can't trust me with a Choice,
  How can you trust me with a Child?

  Seen in a college chemistry building's men's room:
  Flush twice - this has to go all the way to the cafeteria!

  Sticker attached to electric hand-dryer in public restroom:
  Push button for a message from Congress.

  Seen in a bathroom at a truck stop near Las Vegas, Nevada:
  There used to be a Mexican joke here...but it slid off.

  Various graffiti written into the grout:
  Alexander the Grout
  All creatures grout and small
  Down and Grout
  Grout Expectations
  Grout Expectations
  Grout Googly Moogly
  Grout balls of fire
  Grout dane
  Grout expectations
  Grout fishing in America
  Grout of sight, Grout of mind
  Grout scott
  Groutful Dead
  Saur Grout
  Sometimes a Grout Notion
  The Grout Divide
  The Grout Gatsby
  The Grout Groutdoors
  Take me grout to the ball game
  Three Strikes You're Grout
  Twist and grout

  God knows why you're doing this, but...
  "I feel so strongly about toilet graffiti, I signed
  a partition." :-)

  In the mens restroom a couple of years ago, Hamburguesa
  restaurant, Old Town, San Diego, CA (The restaurant has
  since changed its name; I don't remember the current name).
  The paper towel dispenser had the usual "Wash your Hands" /
  "Lavese las Manos" sign on it.  Below "Lavese las Manos",
  someone had written "and his big-band sound".

  My favorite little anecdote, which I saw written on the
  toilet stall wall in the Engineering Building on the
  campus of Memorial University of Newfoundland located in
  St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada, is as follows:
  to which someone else wrote:

  Richard Nixon should pull out before it's too late, just
  like his father should've. Humanities Hall, second floor,
  men's room, U.C. Irvine, early to middle 1970's.

  It's dated but my favorite is still:
  Don't Change Dicks in the middle of a screw,
  Vote for Nixon in 72
  Found on the wall in Hipps Bubble Room in San Antonio, Texas
  (may it rest in peace, demolished to erect a condominium)
  Hey!  It may be dated but it made me laugh so hard I peed
  on my shoe!

  In front of urinal at Baked in Telluride, Co.:
  Don't look now but you've got your best friend by the neck.

  If black is beautiful, I just shit a masterpiece.

  From the restroom of Maggie Mae's, 6th St., Austin TX.
  Why can't we just all get a bong...

  From the restroom of some nameless crawfish restaurant in
  the middle of nowhere off of I-10 in southern Louisiana:
  Nixon did for America what pantyhose did for finger fucking...

  Bill Clinton gave head in college, but didn't swallow.
  (to which someone else wrote)  No, but George and Ronnie
  did and it was the only thing they could do right.

  Tell us how long your dick is.
  (to which someone else wrote)
  I can't find it.

  Imagine you are reading this as you are trying to take a
  dump.  Eat shit! 1.9 trillion flies (estimated population
  of flies) can't be ALL wrong.

  This toilet paper is like Clint Eastwood, tough and hard,
  and takes no shit.

  My mother made me a whore.
  (to which someone else added)
  If I give her the yarn, will she make me one too?

  Found in mens room Eros Cinema in Bombay
  Neighbor's envy, Owner's Pride
  This is originally from a TV commercial.

  The following are sort of traditional in mens restrooms
  in the U.K.  Life's like a pubic hair on toilet bowl -
  you soon get pissed off.  Written above head height in
  the urinals: If you can piss this far, you should join
  the fire brigade.  If mens brains were as big as their
  balls, there would be a lot less writing on toilet walls.
  Also written on the urinals:
  Remember - more than three shakes is a wank.
  One more from the urinals: No matter how much you shake
  your peg, the last drop always runs down your leg.

  Don't throw cigarette butts in the urinal, as it makes
  them soggy and hard to light.

  Written very low on the left wall:
  If you read this, you're pissing on your right shoe.

  Here's one that had a lot of additions to it, which I'll
  try to represent with little arrows.  I hope it comes
  across clear enough.  It's a good example of people
  reading things differently (mind you, the original
  graffiti was somewhat sloppy, allowing for the subsequent
  Oh yeah, it starts with "A guy goes...".
  Is that an "i" or an "o"? ___
  Is that a "u" or an "a"? ___
  and --I can't believe how blind you are.
  A guy goes to lunch with his mother
  what he means to say is "pass the butter"
  but what comes out is "you f?#?*ed up my life you bitch"
  It all comes from the Crown ? Anchor in Austin, Tx.  I
  hope you can follow it.  It's pretty funny when you're
  there (and drunk).

  In the computer center mens bathroom:
  For a Good Time - Email mac100s@oduvm

  The MAIN thing is to keep the MAIN thing the Main thing.

  Seen in the mens' room in a women's dorm at USC:
  Just think of the miles of Fallopian tubes that surround
  you that you won't be able to get near.

  Stamp out graffiti.

  From the men's room of
     The Hole In The Wall, Austin, Tx, 1993:
  Milk the cow
  Feed the hen
  My life is yours
  You kill

  In the Intercultural Center on the first floor,
  on the floor between two stalls, it reads:
  Tap foot.  If other person taps back, kneel under
  for j.o. or b.j.
  My current favorite bathroom graffiti (besides the
  obligatory wallborn personal ads penned by gays) is a
  recent exchange posted on the wall of the first floor
  men's room in Perkins Library.  The "bait" reads "Fight
  for the rights of the pansexual."  After the usual
  bible-beater remarks about how homosexuality is a sin,
  and all pansexuals will therefore burn in hell, there
  was a string of humorous responses.  The first was:
  Does that mean you fuck a little guy with hooves and
  a flute?  They followed: or does he fuck you?
  and what role, if any, is played by the flute?
  It plays an octave, albeit minor, role.

  A scrawler had written:
  Don't try to decribe the ocean if you've never seen it.
  (a Jimmy Buffett quote) to which someone else replied:
  It's no larger than the space between your ears.
  This was followed by:
  You too, my friend; you're so deep you're drowning.

  In the third floor bathroom of the Student Center, one
  squatter scrawled: Insanity is to art what garlic is to
  salad.  To which someone replied:
  Waiter, there's too much garlic in my salad.

  Under a sign that said "Employees Must Wash Hands," someone
  scribbled: I waited and waited, but I finally washed them myself.

  In days of old
  When men were bold
  And toilets weren't invented
  Men left their load
  Upon the road
  And walked away contented

  In days of old
  When knights were bold
  And paper wasn't invented
  They'd wipe their ass
  On a clump of grass
  And walk away contented

  In days of old
  When knights were bold
  And ladies weren't invented
  The knight drilled holes
  In telegraph poles
  And had to be contented

  In days of old
  When knights were bold
  And condoms weren't invented.
  They tied a sock,
  Around their cock
  And babies were prevented.

  In days of old
  When knights were bold
  And women weren't particular.
  They lined them up
  Against the wall
  And did it perpendicular.

  I saw this in Chester Street, a gay bar in Champaign, IL.
  In the men's bathroom, inside of a stall, it said
  "Joe eats pussy".

  UT Campus Austin, TX:
  Urine the bathroom.
  Urine trouble.
  Look what a mess urine.

  Seen in a local bar, recently:
  For a good time, call ###-#### and ask for Mary.
  For a BAD time, tell Mary where you got this number.

  How about this little ditty discovered in
     a public toilet in London?
  As you sit to take a shit
  Rest a while and think a bit.
  The last time that I beat my meat,
  Was on this very toilet seat.

  Written above a urinal:
  Stand close.  It's shorter than you think.

  As a boy, my Dad used to fish off the end of a pier in
  the San Fransisco Bay.  There was an old-style outhouse
  (no longer there) on the pier, put there by the owner.
  Apparently the owner got tired of people making a mess of
  his outhouse, so he wrote the following on the wall inside:
  If you shit
  upon the floor,
  I will lock
  the shithouse door.
  - Owner
  A person who apparently had frequent need to visit the
  outhouse responded below the owner's message with:
  If the shithouse
  door you lock,
  I'll throw your shithouse
  off the dock.

  The mens' restroom at Northern Telecom's Atlanta location
  (since closed down had blackboards on the walls of the
  stalls with chalk for writing graffiti.  People ignored
  the chalk and wrote on the blackboards with pen.

  In University of Washington's Physics Hall, circa 1984,
  below toilet seat cover dispenser:
  Walter Mondale's election hats

  In the men's room at a Denny's restaurant:
  It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good
     food into shit.
  It only takes Denny's 10 minutes.

  In case of nuclear war, hide in the urinal.  Nobody ever
  hits 'em anyway.

  Sign over urinal in mens room in Cambridge, Mass. bar
  near Harvard: We don't sell our beer, we just rent it.

  In a truck stop somewhere in Oklahoma:
  Captain's Log: Me and Spock beamed down to shit.

  Written over faded instructions on electric hand dryer:
  Push button
  Rub hands together vigorously under air stream
  Wipe hands on pants

  Here I sit
  to shit again.
  But instead of landing in the bowl,
  it landed on my pen.

  Sign seen at a restaurant:
  Hands that clean these toilets also make your food,
  please aim properly.

  They paint these walls to cover my pen,
  but the shithouse poet has struck again.

  The angle of the dangle is in direct proportion to
  the heat of the meat and the mass of the ass.

  Here I sit, I'm at a loss
  trying to shit out taco sauce.
  When it comes, I hope and pray,
  I don't blow my ass away.

  (written under a picture of crudely drawn flower)
  Hi.  I'm Johnny.  I am five years old.  I couldn't
  think of anything dirty to say, so I drew this
  fucking flower.

  Here's one seen above a urinal:
  look up
  [a little higher on the wall]
  look up
  [even higher on the wall]
  keep looking up
  [on the ceiling]
  Quick!  Look down!  You're pissing on your shoes!

  (Hostel, West Coast, South Island, New Zealand.)
  There's nothing more underrated than a good shit,
  and nothing more overrated than a bad fuck.

  Three different autors contributed to this one:
  First pen: "Jesus is the answer"
  Second pen: "What is the question"
  Third pen : "Who was Felipe Alou's younger brother"
  (The early-70's New York Yankees lineup featured three
  Alou brothers: Matty, Felipe, and Jesus.  I still see
  this 20+ years later, even here in Red Sox territory.)

  Seen somewhere in ladies room in Freiburg/Germany:
  Arrow pointing to the bottom of the door and
  "Exit for Limbo Dancers".

  I saw the following exchange in the men's room at
     Computervision in the early 80's:
  1: ?quote from the Doors' "Horse Latitudes">
  2: What language is this, Esperanto?
  3: Ne, tiu lingvo ne estas Esperanto - estas Morrison.
  4: I saw Morris on TV in the cat food commercial!

  Seen in front of the urinals at a college in Montreal:
  You're holding your future in your hands!
  Someone had added:
  And it doesn't look too promising!

  One of the funniest I've seen was also the simplest:
  Fart loud if you love Jesus!

  Scribbling graffiti on the toilets
  Was never difficult a bit:
  Among the shit, you all are poets;
  Among the poets, you all are shit.

  Here's one I saw at the showers at an army base:
  (sounds much better in hebrew) If your wife is not
  at hand, let your hand be your wife.

  While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the
  stall door: Congratulations!  You've one one free game
  of Toilet Tennis!  Look Left. You look left and it reads:
  Look Right
  You look right and it reads:
  Look Left...

  As I sit in perfect bliss
  And listen to the sound of pouring piss
  Now and again, a fart is heard
  During the splash of falling turd
  If the smell of shit can produce such wit
  I wonder what would be the taste of it
  Come come my friends
  Don't be doubtful
  Try a handful
  Try a mouthful

  Toilet Paper supplied by John Wayne Toilet Inc.
  Our Motto:  We're ruff and tuff, n' we don't take shit
  from nobody

  What is it about taking a shit that brings out the
  philosopher in people?

  In bathroom at Sci/Eng library at Boston U:
  How does a mathematician take a shit?
  He works it out with pencil and paper.

  Scrawled in big black letters on a toilet stall wall:
  Everyone writes on the walls but me.

  Little orange sticker seen above toilet at Arizona State
  University in one of the bathrooms in the Engineering dept:
  One free goldfish with purchase of this bowl
  (Evidently somebody removed it from a fishbowl)

  Found this written on a toilet bowl:
    For Best Taste
    Drink By Date
    Shown on Bottom
    of Can
    \ /

  Eat shit.  20 billion flies can't be wrong.

  Damn ye who leaveth a log amongst these stalls!

  I have what every woman wants!
  (and written underneath...)
  You must be in the fur coat business.

  Got this from Texas A?M:
  My mother made me a fag
  (and under that)
  If I gave her the yarn, could she make me one to?

  From University of Arizona
  Single white male seeks one dozen doughnuts,
     assorted flavors.
  I am 12 inches long and 4 inches around.
  (and written underneath...)
  Great!  Now how big is your penis?

  On a urinal: Stop me before I piss again.

  On the air hand dryers, people usually scratch out the
  letters on the instructions to make new directions:
  Push Button
    is scratch out to be...
  Pus  Butt
  Rub hands under warm air
    is scratch out to be...
  Rub hands under  arm
  Stops Automatically
    is scratch out to be...
  Stop  Auto at  ally

  One would think from all this wit
  That Shakespeare himself came here to shit!
  and the (expected) retort,
  And that my friend may well be true
  For the bard, he had to do it too.

  Found in a stall in college, a physics building no less:
  x^n + y^n z^n for n>2, has no integer solutions.
  I have a truly wondrous proof of the above statement,
  but unfortunately I'm late for class.

  The best graffiti I ever saw was when I worked for the
  government and one of the bathrooms, right above the
  toilet paper roll had these words:
  You are the only person in this building
  who knows what he's doing...

  I was here
  But now I'm gone
  I left my smell
  To linger on

  Everybody pisses on the floor.  Be a hero and
  shit on the ceiling.

  From Duke University, Psychology bldg, about 1972:
  Anal-retentative sadomasochism is the opiate of the masses
  so, I changed it to
  Anal-retentative sadomasochism is:
  1) the opiate of the masses.
  and added:
  2) The foundation of U.S. foreign policy 1945-73.
  others added:
  3) The pause that refreshes.
  4) The basic building block of friendship.
  5) ???
  There were about 20 answers to this multiple-choice
  question before I left Duke.

  Above a urinal I read:
  The guy that picks the butts out of here is the guy
     cooking your meal.

  Life is like a shit sandwich.
  The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.
  Found on the men's room wall at Cogan's in Norfolk, VA.

  This is a teepee for your peepee
  Not a wigwam to beat your tomtom!

  (written above a urinal)
  Why are you looking up here?
  Are you ashamed of it?

  No matter how you shake and dance,
  The last drop always falls in the pants.

  No matter how much you shake your peg,
  The last wee drop runs down your leg.

  Be like daddy, not like sis
  lift the lid to take a piss.

  Some people come here to take a shit,
  I come here to leave one.

  Don't look now!
  you're pissing on your neighbors foot!

  (from the late Clark Gable)
  Why should I be proud of something where:
  Every monkey is my equal,
  and every jackass is my superior?

  On the ceiling above the toilet:
  Out to lunch, be back soon.

  Written above a urinal in a men's clothing store:
  To curtail shoplifting of our overpriced merchandise,
  these urinal stalls may be monitored at any time by
  buxom voluptuous airline stewardesses and horny
  divorcees moonlighting as security guards.
  Written below that:
  If you're longer than 12 inches, you get a 50% discount
     on our overpriced suits.
  And written below that:
  And if you're last name is Bobbitt, you get another
     half off!  Prices slashed!
  And yet written below that:
  Gee, I don't see how you guys sit on these funny-shaped
     toilets.  I can't seem to stay on without slipping off.
  And yet written below that:
  I bet that's what your husband says too every night!

  Please do not bite the woodwork while straining.

  Why do turds taper?
  To prevent your ass from snapping shut with a bang.

  Written at the bottom of the toilet stall:
  Beware of gay limbo dancers!

  Alas poor Yorlik, I knew him backwards.

  What ever happened to the good old days when men were men
  and pansies were flowers?

  I used to think I was a werewolf but I'm alright nooowwwoooooooo...

  Phys204: a waste of time, space, and energy.

  Sometimes I wish I was
  What I was when
  I wished I was
  What I am now.

  If you are taking a Shit
  Please put it back

  Q: Quel est la difference entre un homme et une femme?
  A: La difference entre.

  (written above a urinal)
  I think, therefore I aim.

  Seen above a urinal:
  Si quieres crecer fuerte y sano,
  comete lo que tienes en la mano.

  Seen above a urinal:
  If you think I'm sick, look at what you're holding!

  Virginity is like a bubble in the mainstream of life:
  one prick and it's gone forever!

  Written above a roll of toilet paper:
  UCLA diplomas, take one.

  A similar variation:
  ?Arrow pointing to roll of toilet paper>
  Arts Degree, take one.
  ?Another arrow pointing to the roll>
  Yeah, but at least you can wipe your ass with this.

  Seen in Northern Wisconsin at a bar that had a bad water well:
  If it's yellow, let it mellow.
  If it's brown, flush it down.

  Above the urinal in a gym:
  Stand closer, the next person may be barefoot.

  The length of the pole should be directly proportional
  to the depth of the hole!

  If your hose is too short,
  Or your pump is too weak,
  You'd better stand close,
  Or you'll piss on your feet!

  One person actually fell for this one, and burst out
  laughing in the stall.  Good thing he wasn't at work.
  It's more of a visual gag.  He was sitting in a stall
  in the Hoosier Dome in Indianapolis, taking care of
  business, when he noticed some writing very far down
  on the wall, almost to the floor, in very small print.
  He leaned way, way over, peering closely, and as the
  blood was rushing to my head, read, "You are now
  sh*tting upside down."

  Seen in a National Forest Service campground outhouse
  in Colorado.  This was in an area that is notorious for
  the number of Texans that overrun the vicinity.  Over
  the seat was an arrow pointing down, and it had the
  message: "Subway to Texas: Take it!"

  Sung to the tune of "Don't get around much anymore"
  Missed the toilet last night
  Shit all over the floor
  Wiped it up with my toothbrush
  Don't brush my teeth much anymore
  I was fooling around with my girlfriend at her place and
  she asked me to kiss her where it stinks...so I brought
  her here.

Subj:     The King - Cartoon (S494)
          From: LABLaughsAdult 
          on 7/7/2006
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19950104

 Cute bathroom graffiti in a cartoon.  You can view it at the
 source above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

                           -(o o)-
............................From Smiley_Central