Subj:     Bicycle Jokes
                 (Includes 19 jokes and articles, 25 1028,11,cf,vXT4b,9)

Bike Ride  from
Includes the following:  Photo Of Einstein On A Bike (S665b)
.........................Monkey Lights - Video (S1028)
.........................Two Dutch Girls On A Bike Ride (S45, S1027)
.........................Copenhagen Wheel - Commercial (S884d)
.........................Bicycle Tricks From The 1950s - Video (S882)
.........................Halftime Acrobatic Woman At A Basketball Game - Video (S733)
.........................Car Pulls Bicycle (S90, DU)
.........................StoopidTall At CicLAvia 2013 - Video (S857)
.........................Smuggling From Mexico (S49, S664)
.........................The Joy of Bicycling - Video (S619b)
.........................Little Patrick Asks For A Bike (S282b)
.........................Bicycle Stunt - Video (S543)
.........................How Sex Is Like Riding A Bicycle (S454)
.........................Why Bicycles Are Better Than Women (S52)
.........................Australian Bike Commercial (S512b)
.........................Short Bicycle Jokes
..............................Blondie Comic Strip (S609c)
..............................Bike Bombs (S258)
..............................Why Bicycle Shorts Are Always Black!! (S483c)

Also see CHRISTMAS1   - 'Kid Gets Bike For Christmas'
         CHURCH-SUPP  - 'Answered Prayers'
         DOG2 file    - 'Hairy Dog Is Hard Of Hearing'
         ENGINEER1    - 'Engineering Student Gets A New Bike'
         KIDS1 file   - 'Johnny See Mom Moaning In Bedroom'
         LETTERS2 file- 'Little Bobby Writes A Letter To God'
         NATIVE AMERCN- 'Priest Teaches Indian English'
         NUNS1 file   - 'Nuns Riding Bikes Are Happy'
         POLIT-BUSH   - 'Bush Plans World War III'
         PREACHER     - 'Minister Looses His Bike'
         QUOT-COMED-S2- 'Foster Brooks Tells A Joke About A Preacher On A Bicycle'

Subj:     Photo Of Einstein On A Bike (S665b)
          From: ft.apache on 10/2/2009
 Source: http://th.physik.uni-frankfurt.de/~jr/physpiceinstein.html
..........Einstein loved to ride his bike. This is a
..........photograph of Albert Einstein riding his
..........bicycle in Santa Barbara in 1933.
Subj:     Monkey Lights (S1028)
          Published by INSIDER
          From: Hermie Catacutan on 9/25/16
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/

 Click 'HERE' to see Monkey Lights. Electrical engineer
 Dan Goldwater wanted to combine bike safety with fun.

Subj:     Two Dutch Girls On A Bike Ride (S45, S1027)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #214 on 97-12-04

 Two Dutch girls are riding their old rickety bikes down the
 back streets of Amsterdam one late afternoon.  As it turns
 closer towards dusk, the increasing darkness of the streets
 starts making the two girls a little nervous when one girl
 leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come
 this way before."

 The other girl says, "It's the cobblestones."

Subj:     Copenhagen Wheel (S884d)
          Builder: SuperPedestrian.com
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/S10GMfG2NMY
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/bicyclewheel/

 Superpedestrian Inc., a company specializing in lightweight
 human-powered mobility tools, debuts the Copenhagen Wheel
 for bicycles.  This simple wheel replacement turns bikes
 into hybrids that can generate power for easier pedaling.
 Click 'HERE' to learn about this next generation in bicycles.

Subj:     Bicycle Tricks From The 1950s (S882d)
          From: Wimp.com on 12/26/2013
 Source1: http://www.wimp.com/bicycletricks/
 Source2: http://www.youtube.com/embed/4NPPuPQ59-Y

 Harry Kramer, a 76-year-old street entertainer, performs
 bicycle tricks on Main Street in Travelers Rest, South
 Carolina.  This newsreel footage is from the 1950s and
 is still entertaining after all these years.

 Click 'HERE' to these old bicycle tricks.

Subj:     Halftime Acrobatic Woman At A Basketball Game (S733d)
          From: Wimp.com on 1/26/2011
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/zUUDlNFscdw

 An acrobatic woman performs amazing stunts at a basketball
 game halftime show in Tuscaloosa on Jan 21, 2011.  She
 dazzles the audience atop a ten foot pole while riding a
 unicycle.  Click 'HERE' to watch this great act.

Subj:     Car Pulls Bicycle (S90, DU)
          From: RFSlick on 98-10-17

 A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike
 from Phoenix to Flagstaff.  He got as far as Black Canyon
 City before the mountains just became too much and he
 could go no farther.

 He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten
 a single person to stop.  Finally, a guy in a Corvette
 pulled over and offered him a ride.  Of course, the bike
 wouldn't fit in the car.  The owner of the Corvette found
 a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his
 bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man
 that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his
 bike and that he would slow down.

 Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.  Suddenly,
 another Corvette blew past them.  Not to be outdone, the
 Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other.  A
 short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going
 well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.

 The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun
 and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes
 headed his way at over 120 mph.  He then relayed, "... and
 you're not going to believe this, but there's guy on a 10
 speed bike honking to pass."

Subj:     StoopidTall At CicLAvia 2013 (S857d)
          From: Wimp.com on 5/27/2013
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/uRWmsSxbL_A
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/tallestbike/
 Source3: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ciclov%C3%ADa
This video is the rider's view on the
maiden voyage of StoopidTall at CicLAvia
on 4/21/2013.  CicLAvia was a bike ride
from Downtown Los Angeles all the way to
Venice Beach.  The ride was 9 miles of
downtown streets and attracted over
100,000 cyclists.......Photo from YouTube.com
 Ciclovia translates from Spanish into English as 'bike
 path' is either a permanently designated bicycle route
 or the closing of city streets to automobiles for the
 enjoyment of cyclists and public alike. (See Source3)

 Click 'HERE' to enjoy this wonderful, first-person
 ride on a vary, vary tall bicycle.

Subj:     Smuggling From Mexico (S49, S664)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/29/97
      and From: SCHULACES3 on 11/2/2003

 (Also see 'Night Watchman At A Factory' in Other-Occup)

 While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the
 man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the
 man had on his shoulders.

 "What's in the bags?"

 "Sand," said the cyclist.

 "Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.

 The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and
 proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the
 bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across
 the border.

 Two weeks later, the same thing happened.  Again the
 guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained
 nothing but sand.  This went on every week for six months,
 until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to
 appear.  A few days later, the gaurd happened to meet the
 cyclist downtown.

 "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the gaurd.  "We
 knew you were smuggling something across the border.  I
 won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?"


Subj:     The Joy of Bicycling (S619b,d)
          From: darrellvip on 11/19/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/41eutWXaX0w

 This cute, off-color movie will show you one of
 the joys of bicycling.  Click 'HERE' to view it.

Subj:     Little Patrick Asks For A Bike (S282b)
          From: KMACINTY on 6/25/2002

 For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10 speed bicycle.

 His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage
 on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job.
 There's no way we can afford it.  The next day the father
 saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase.
 The dad asked, "Son, where are you going?"

 Little Patrick told him "I was walking past your room last
 night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out.  I
 heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.  I'll
 be damned if I'm sticking around here by myself with an
 $80,000 mortgage and no transportation."

Subj:     Bicycle Stunt (S543)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 6/11/2007
Photo from Yahoo! Videos

 This YouTube account has been terminated.

Subj:     How Sex Is Like Riding A Bicycle (S454)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/3/2005

  1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
  2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into
     unfamiliar territory.
  3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try
     it until you have a lot of experience.
  4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has
     a lot of experience.
  5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as
     much fun.
  6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few
     times you try.
  7. It's best to have a soft place to land.
  8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get
     some if you are really into it.
  9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up,
     it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.
 10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for
     the first time.
 11. Once you learn, you never forget how.
 12. If you fall off get right back on.
 13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.
 14. Remember to signal before you change direction.
 15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.
 16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.
 17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest
     of the way.
 18. That's why some of them are called Mountin'Bikes.

Subj:     Why Bicycles Are Better Than Women (S52)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/20/98

 Bicycles don't get pregnant.

 You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.

 Bicycles don't have parents.

 Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.

 You can share your Bicycle with your friends.

 Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you've ridden.

 When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time.

 Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you have.

 Bicycles don't care if you look at other Bicycles.

 Bicycles don't care if you buy Bicycle magazines.

 You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to own
 a new Bicycle" unless you go out to buy one yourself.

 If your Bicycle goes flat you can fix it.

 If your Bicycle is too loose you can tighten it.

 If your Bicycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss
 politics with it.

 You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works
 on your Bicycle.

 If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you
 don't have to apologize before you ride it again.

 You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want
 and it won't get sore.

 You can stop riding your Bicycle as soon as you want
 and it won't get frustrated.

 Your parents won't remain in touch with your old bicycle
 after you dump it.

 Bicycles don't get headaches.

 Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.

 Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other Bicycles.

 Bicycles don't care if you're late.

 You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.

 If your Bicycle doesn't look good you can paint it
 or get better parts.

 You can ride your Bicycle the first time you meet it,
 without having to take it to dinner, see a movie,
 or meet its mother.

 The only protection you have to wear when riding
 your Bicycle is a decent helmet.

 When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great
 ride you had the last time you were on your Bicycle.

Subj:     Australian Bike Commercial (S512b,d)
          From: edapsmas on 11/8/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/CN1QiEZk5tw

 This is a cute commercial for Malvern Star.  Malvern Star
 is a manufacturer of bicycles in Melbourne, Australia.
 Click 'HERE' to see this funny, nude bike ad.

Subj:     Short Bicycle Jokes

Subj:     Blondie Comic Strip (S609c)
          by Dennis Young and Denis Lebrun
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 9/11/2008
 Source: http://blondie.com/todays_strip/
 This comic strip discusses the high price of gas and
 bicycles.  You can see it by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Bike Bombs (S258)
          From: jerry on 1/8/2002
 Bonehead award five goes to some person who, seeing a
 bicycle parked in an office building parking lot, called
 the bomb squad believing the bicycle pump and the wires
 going to the light was some sort of explosive device.

 It took the scores of police and the bomb squad about 5
 seconds to call off the whole thing.

Subj:     Why Bicycle Shorts Are Always Black!!
          From: vaterbenicia (S483c)
          on 4/23/2006
 To view these pictures by clicking 'HERE'.

From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
 A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

                           -(o o)-
...........................From Smiley_Central.