Subj: Cars2 Jokes
(Includes 30 jokes and articles, 15 1031,9,cf,wYT2a,5)
Click "Here" for Cars-Supp3
Subj: Speed Checked By Radar - Sign (S882)
From: George Takei on 11/30/2013
Lucky Day At The Race (S586b,dwmv)
From: edapsmas on 4/11/2008
This seven second video shows
a very lucky worker
at the raceway. Click 'HERE' to view this WMV video.
Subj: Sixteen Year-Old Buys Porsche (S452b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/15/2005
A sixteen year-old boy came home
with a Porsche and his
parents began to fuss, "Where did you get that car???!!!
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his
parents? "We know what a
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to panic
and asked. "Who would sell
a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street,"
said the boy. "I don't
know her name; they just moved in.
She saw me ride past on my bike
and asked me if I wanted to
buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness," moaned the
mother to the boys father,
"John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up
the street to the house
where the lady lived and found her out in the yard
calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the
father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for
fifteen dollars and demanded to know what was going on.
"Well," she said, "this morning
I got a phone call from my
husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned
from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary.
The secretary took his money
and left him after they had
He called me and claimed he was
robbed and stranded. He
asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money.
So I did."
Subj: An Auto Mechanic And His Dog Mace (S405, S723)
From: DafterLafter on 10/20/2004
A mechanic who worked out of
his home had a dog named Mace.
Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's
lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass
eventually became overgrown.
One day the mechanic was working
on a car in the backyard and
dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't
find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.
That night, Mace escaped from
the house and ate all the grass
in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside
and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what
had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed,
"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!
Subj: Dick Hits Pickup Windshield (S334, S641c)
From: DoctorDebt on 6/19/2003
and From: darrellvip on 4/20/2009
A man and a woman were driving
down the road arguing
about his deplorable infidelity. Suddenly, the woman
reaches over and slices the man's penis off. Angrily,
she tosses it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple is
a man and his 9-year-old
daughter. The little girl was just chatting away at
her father when, all of a sudden, the penis smacks the
pickup on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then
Surprised, the daughter asks
her father, "Daddy, what
the heck was that?" Not wanting to expose his nine
year-old daughter to anything sexual at such a young
age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."
The daughter sits with a confused
look on her face,
and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big
dick, didn't it?"
4X4 Hill Climb (S515c,d)
From: darrell94590 on 11/28/2006
These 4x4 hill climbers are nuts.
This short video clip is
amazing. Click 'HERE' to watch this impossibly steep climb.
Subj: Bird Hits Car Winshield (S325)
From: joke-of-the-day.com on 4/20/03
The other day I was on my way
home from work when the most
remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and
as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed
into my windshield. If that wasn't bad enough, the poor
creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper.
Just then the light turned green
and there I was with a bird
stuck on my windshield. Without any other apparent options,
turning on the windshield wipers seemed the only thing to do.
It actually worked.
On the upswing, the bird flew
off, and here is the crazy thing...
it slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind me. No,
it didn't get caught under the windshield wipers of that vehicle,
but the car behind me was a police car.
Of course, knowing my luck, immediately
the lights went on and I
was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told me he
saw what had happened at the light. Trying to plead my case
fell on deaf ears. He simply stated: I am going to have to
write you up for flipping me the bird.
Subj: Man Tries To Get Boy In Car (S319)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/7/2003
An eight year old boy is walking
down the road one day
when a car pulls over next to him. "If you get in the
car," the driver says, "I'll give you $10 and a piece
The boy refuses and keeps on
walking. A few moments
later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving
the car pulls over again. "How about $20 and two
pieces of candy?"
The boy tells the man to leave
him alone and keeps on
walking. Still further down the road the man pulls
over to the side road. "OK," he says, "this is my
final offer. I'll give you $50 and all the candy you
can eat." The little boy stops, goes to the car and
"Look," he says to the driver.
"You bought the Chevrolet,
Dad. You'll have to live with it!"
Subj: Scary Car Ride In Mexico (S298, S851)
From: agrief on 10/15/2002
and From: ginafm on 10/5/2008
This story happened about a month
ago in a little town in
Mexico, and even when it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock
tale it's real. This guy was on the side of the road hitch
hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm.
The night was rolling and no
car went by, the storm was so
strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly
he saw a car coming towards him and stop.
The guy without thinking about
it got in the car closes the
door just to realize there's nobody behind the wheel. The
car starts slowly, the guy looks at the road and sees a curve
coming his way, scared he starts to pray begging for his life.
He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the
curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel.
The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears
every time they are before a curve. The guy gathering
strength gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town.
Wet and in shock he goes to a
cantina and asks for two shots
of tequila, and starts telling everybody about the horrible
experience he went thru. A silence enveloped everybody when
they realize the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later two
guys walked in the same cantina
and one said to the other. "Look Pepe, that's the loser that
got in the car when we were pushing it."
Stainless 1936 Fords (S616b)
From: gattica30 on 10/28/2008
..........At: (Removed from alleghenyludlum.com)
This is the 1936 Ford Tudor Sedan
built for and owned by
Allegheny Ludlum Steel. This is 1 of only 4 in existence
and is the only one currently in running & in road worthy
condition. All 4 cars each had over 200,000 miles on them
before they removed them from service. Click 'HERE' to
see this stainless Steel beauty.
Subj: Protester Sits In Street (S246)
From: jerry on 10/19/2001
"We're still scratching our heads."
Comment made by Daly City, California
police Sgt David
Mackriss over an incident involving bonehead award winner
two, a Palo Alto California man who, according to police,
because he was angry that his RV was being towed because
he didn't have a valid driver's license, to protest, threw
himself down on a busy roadway refusing to budge and was
promptly run over twice by the same car which was fleeing
from police. He is now recuperating with multiple broken
And what says our award winner?
"The car just ran right over
my lap at 60 miles an hour.
I was sitting up, and my lefts were stretched out. It
almost hit my nose. He could have killed me."
Glad he came to his senses.
San Francisco Chronicle 3-Oct-01
Subj: Two Guys Out for A Drive (S293)
From: HuntMcmahunt on 9/13/2002
A man was taking a drive in the
city with his friend, but
every time his friend would come to red light, he would go
right through it. The man says to his friend after the
second time, "Why are you going through the red lights?"
His friend says, "Don't worry,
my brother drives like
this." They come to the third and he asks again, "What
are you doing?" The friend says, "I told you, don't worry,
my brother drives like this."
Finally they come to a green
light and his friend stops.
Bewilderedly he asks, "Why have you stopped at the green
light?" Says his friend, "Hey, my brother might be coming
the other way!"
Subj: Two Elderly Ladies Out For A Drive (S212, S424b)
From: RFSlick on 2/11/2001
Source: (Removed from craftonreunion.org)
Two elderly women were out driving
in a large car, neither
could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red
but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat
thought to herself, "I must
be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red
After a few more minutes they
came to another intersection,
the light was red, and again they went right through. This
time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been
red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.
She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close
At the next intersection, sure
enough, the light was
definitely red and they went right through it. She turned
to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just
ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh crap! Am I driving?"
Wooden Cars (S455 in Artists)
From: darrell94590 on 10/12/2005
Subj: Granny Stops Car Thieves (S205, S474)
From: RFSlick on 11/06/2000
and From: flovilla on 2/11/2006
An elderly Florida lady did her
shopping and, upon returning
to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her
vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,
proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I
have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car,
The four men didn't wait for
a second invitation, but got
out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken,
proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the
car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that
she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and
tried and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later she found
her own car parked four or
five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car
and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she
told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and
pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale
white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly
woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and
curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Though this is a wonderful story,
it is an Urban Legend
from the early 1900s. You can read about the origin at
Granny Stops Car Thieves II (S654b)
From: tom on 7/16/2009
to read this cute newspaper article. It's
an urban legend, but still a wonderful article.
Granny Stops Car Thieves III (S699d)
From: tom on 6/4/2010
This British ad for free eye
tests at St. Johns Eye
Care Center is a very cute video. Click 'HERE' to see
this great ad.
Subj: Three Guys Discuss Jobs & Cars (S185)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #320 08/13/2000
Three men met at a party, and
it wasn't long until the
conversation got around to their line of work and what kind
of cars they drove.
"I'm a veterinarian," said the
first fellow. "So, naturally,
I drive a white 'Vet."
As they smiled and nodded, the
second man said, "I own a
sign company, so I drive a purple Neon."
Now the third guy was suddenly
quiet until he was egged on
by the other two. "Well," he finally said, "I'm a proctologist
and I have a brown Probe."
Subj: Driver's Written Explanations Of Accidents
From: collins2 on 4/17/99
Some explanations for traffic
accidents, as given to Houson
police officers investigating the incidents.
Coming home, I drove into the
wrong house and collided with
a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine
without giving warning of
I thought my window was down,
but I found out it was up
when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road.
I had to swerve a number
of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of
the road, glanced at my
mother-in- law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants
all day and was on my way
home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up,
obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car.
I had been driving for 40 years
when I fell asleep at the
wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor
with rear-end trouble when my
universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection,
a sign suddenly appeared
in a place where no stop had ever appeared before. I was
unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of
the car in front, I struck the
My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.
I told the police that I was
not injured; but on removing
my hat, found that I had fractured my skull.
I was sure the old fellow would
never make it to the other
side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea which
direction to run, so I ran
I saw a slow moving, sad faced
old gentleman as he bounced
off the roof of my car.
The indirect cause of the accident
was a little guy in a
large car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it
left the road. I was later
found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The telephone pole was approaching.
I was attempting to
swerve out of its way when it struck the front end.
Subj: Driver Leaves Note After Accident (S222)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 5/1/2001
A lawyer returns to his parked
BMW to find the headlights
broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the
offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a
note stuck under the windshield wiper.
"Sorry. I just backed into your
Beemer. The witnesses who
saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they
think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars.
But I'm not."
Subj: Non Sequitur On The High Gas Prices (S596c)
By Wiley Miller on 6/20/2008
Subj: Lawyer's Door Ripped Off A Jaguar (S92, S454)
From: mbucher on 98-11-03
and From: darrell94590 on 9/27/2005
A very successful LA lawyer parked
his brand-new Jaguar
XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his
colleagues. As he was getting out of the car, a truck
came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore
off the driver's door of the Jag.
The counselor immediately grabbed
his cell telephone,
dialed 911, and it was not more than 5 minutes before a
police officer pulled up. Before the cop had a chance
to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming
His Jag, which he had just picked
up the day before,
was now completely ruined and would never be the same,
no matter how the body shop tried to make it like new
After the lawyer finally wound
down from his rant, the
cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't
believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said.
"You are so focused on your possessions that you don't
notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Didn't you
know that your left arm
is missing from the elbow down?.... It must have been
torn off when the truck hit you."
"Oh My God!" screamed the lawyer,
finally noticing the
bloody left elbow where his arm once was, "Where's my
Subj: Moonlight Ride (S86)
From: RFSlick on 98-09-16
Jenny was so happy about the
house they had found.
For once in her life 'twas on the right side of town.
She unpacked her things with such great ease.
As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze.
How wonderful it was to have
her own room.
School would be starting, she's have friends over soon.
There'd be sleep-overs, and parties: she was so happy.
It's just the way she wanted her life to be.
On the first day of school, everything
She made new friends and even got a date.
She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be,
Because I just got a date with the star of the team!"
To be known in this school you
had to have a clout,
And dating this guy would sure help her out.
There was only one problem stopping her fate.
Her parents had said she was too young to date.
"Well, I just won't tell them
the entire truth.
They won't know the difference: what's there to lose?"
Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night.
Her parents frowned but said, "All right."
Excited, she got ready for the
But as she rushed around like she had no sense,
She began to feel guilty about all the lies,
But what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride?
Well the pizza was good, and
the party was great,
But the moonlight ride would have to wait.
For Jeff was half drunk by this time.
But he kissed her and said that he was just fine.
Then the room filled with smoke
and Jeff took a puff.
Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff.
Now Jeff was ready to ride to the point,
But only after he'd smoked another joint.
They jumped in the car for the
Not thinking that he was too drunk to drive.
They finally made it to the point at last,
And Jeff started trying to make a pass.
A pass is not what Jenny wanted
(and by a pass, I don't mean playing football).
"Perhaps my parents were right....maybe I am too young.
Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb."
With all of her might, she pushed
"Please take me home, I don't want stay."
Jeff cranked up the engine and floored the gas.
In a matter of seconds they were going too fast.
As Jeff drove on in a fit of
Jenny knew that her life was in danger.
She begged and pleaded for him to slow down,
But he just got faster as they neared the town.
"Just let me get home!
I'll confess that I lied.
I really went out for a moonlight ride."
Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash.
"Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!"
She doesn't remember the force
Just that everything all of a sudden went black.
She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble,
And heard, "Call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!"
Voices she heard...a few words
But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.
Then wondered to herself if Jeff was all right,
And if the people in the other car were alive.
She awoke in the hospital to
faces so sad.
"You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad."
These voices echoed inside her head,
As they gently told her that Jeff was dead.
They said "Jenny, we've done
all we can do.
But it looks as if we'll lose you too."
"But the people in the other car?" Jenny cried.
"We're sorry, Jenny, they also died."
Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me
for what I've done.
I only wanted to have just one night of fun."
Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim,
And wish I could return their families to them."
"Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I
And that it's my fault so many have died.
Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?"
The nurse just stood there-she never agreed.
But took Jenny's hand with tears
in her eyes.
And a few moments later Jenny died.
A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do you best,
To bid that girl her one last request?"
She looked at the man with eyes
oh so sad.
"Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad."
This story is sad and unpleasant but true,
So young people take heed, it could have been you.
Contributed by: Ray G.
Subj: Car Won't Start After Buying Vanilla Ice Cream (S85)
From: smiles on 98-09-18
For the engineers among us who
understand that the obvious is
not always the solution, and that the facts, no matter how
implausible, are still the facts ...
A complaint was received by a major car manufacturer:
"This is the second time I have
written you, and I don't blame
you for not answering me, because I kind of sounded crazy, but
it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice
cream for dessert after dinner each night. But the kind of ice
cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole
family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I
drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I
recently purchased a new car and since then my trips to the
store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy
vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car
won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car
starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this
question, no matter how silly it sounds: 'What is there about
your car that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream,
and easy to start whenever get any other kind?'"
The President of the car company
was understandably skeptical
about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway.
He had arranged to meet the man
just after dinner time,
so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream
store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough,
after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.
The engineer returned for three
more nights. The first night,
the man got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he
got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered
vanilla. The car failed to start.
Now the engineer, being a logical
man, refused to believe that
this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged,
therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to
solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take
notes: he jotted down all sorts of data, time of day, type of
gas used, time to drive back and forth, etc.
In a short time, he had a clue:
the man took less time to buy
vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the
layout of the store.
Vanilla, being the most popular
flavor, was in a separate case
at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other
flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different
counter where it took considerably longer to find the flavor
and get checked out.
Now the question for the engineer
was why the car wouldn't
start when it took less time. Once time became the problem --
not the vanilla ice cream -- the engineer quickly came up with
the answer: vapor lock. It was happening every night, but the
extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to
cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the
engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.
Moral of the story: even insane
looking problems are sometimes
Subj: What Your Car Really Says About You
From: ossama on 98-08-14
I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
I'm too bland for German cars
I am impotent
I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue
I am older than 34 of the 50 states
I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
I am a pimp
I enjoy beating the hell out of people
I am a sex machine
I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them
I have a 'Vette
I'm in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino
I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
I dig the rich Corinthian leather
I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
I teach third grade special education and
I voted for Eisenhower
I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
I am known to prematurely ejaculate
(See Dodge Dart)
I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria
I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and
change lanes when I pull up behind them
I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
Honda del Sol
I have always said, half a convertible is
better than no convertible at all
I have just graduated and have no credit
I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.
I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is
in the shop 280 days per year.
I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
I only have one testicle
Lincoln Town Car
I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
I am dating a mechanic
I don't know what it means either
I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
I just stole this car and I'm going to make a
fortune off the parts
Peugeot 505 Diesel
I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM
I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911 Turbo
I have a three inch thingy
I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be
inaccessible to me
I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit tool iberal
(See Honda Civic)
I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
inferior than Isuzu
I am still in the closet
I am out of the closet
I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volvo 740 Wagon
I am frightened of my wife
Driver's License (S457)
From: darrell94590 on 10/27/2005
You can now view anyone's drivers
license on line
if you have their first name, last name, city, and
state. Go to the website and check it out at
After your license comes on the
screen, click the box marked
"Please Remove". This will remove it from public viewing, but
not from law enforcement. The government should never have
released this information to the public.
Subj: LA Drivers License Application (S202)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 6/14/98
and From: gheckman on 12/10/2000
Since driving conditions (and
culture) are unique in LA,
you may not have realized that the California Department
of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and
driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.
Here it is:
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S
1) Name:___________________ 2) Stage name: __________________
3) Agent: ________________ 4) Attorney: __________________
male [ ]
[ ] formerly male [ ] formerly female
[ ] both [ ] Other (please explain):______
6a) If female, indicate
breast implant size: _______
6b) Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to
safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
] Yes [
[ ] Actor/Waiter
[ ] Film-maker/Self-employed
[ ] Writer/Unemployed
[ ] Car Dealer
[ ] Pan-handler
[ ] Agent
[ ] Hooker/Transvestite
[ ] Other (please explain): ______________
8a) Please indicate how many times per year you expect to
sex in your car ________
8b) Please indicate how much you plan to spend
this sex ________
9) Please list brand of cell phone: __________. (If you
own a cell phone, please explain.) ____________.
10) Please check haircolor:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
(Please list shade of hair-plugs): _______________
11) Please check activities
you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)
Eating a wrap
[ ] Shaving
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the backseat
[ ] Having sex
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
12) Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _______
b) how many times you expect to be shot
at while driving. _____
13) Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week:
] 1 to 2
[ ] 3 to 4
[ ] 5 or more
[ ] none (please explain): __________________
14) Are you presently taking
any of the following medications?
(Check all that apply)
[ ] Zovirax
[ ] Lithium
[ ] Zanax
[ ] none (please explain): __________________
15) Please indicate if you drive:
[ ] Lexus
[ ] Mercedes
[ ] Cabriolet.
your answer is Cabriolet, please add six to eight
weeks to normal delivery time for your driver's license.)
16) Length of daily commute:
] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] 3 hours
[ ] 4 hours or more
Subj: Girl Has Device That Causes Cars To Break Down
From: RFSlick on 98-05-13
A girl had devised a device to
cause any car that passed in
front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find
any practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly,
she set up the device, and as the cars passed the house and
broke down, she'd offer the man in the car a place to stay
for the night. Then as soon as the man was asleep, he'd be
jarred awake by her with his penis in her mouth, and she'd
hold a sign up saying "$50 or I'll bite hard!". Of course
usually the guy would pay and she'd let him go.
Well one day a Wisconsinite broke
down, and had to stay
the night. Sure enough, he felt something between his legs
at night, and there she is with him in her mouth and holding
the sign "$50 or I'll bite."
The Wisconsinite just smiled and said "$100 or I'll piss!"
Subj: Stripping To Speed Up The Car (S223, S460)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #35 on 98-02-05
and From: auntiegah on 11/16/2005
A man and a woman were dating.
She being of a religious
nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted
from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.
One day, as they drove down the
freeway, she remarked about
his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told
him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the
speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."
He enthusiastically agreed and
sped up the car. He reached
the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came
the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the
first time and traveling faster
than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost
control of the car. He veered off the road over an embankment
and wrapped the car around a tree. His girlfriend was thrown
clear but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas
he was stuck.
"Go to the road and get help,"
he said. "I don't have anything
to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but
could only reach one of his shoes. You'll have to put this
between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did
as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver. Seeing
a naked, crying woman along
the road, he pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend! My
boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"
The truck driver looking down
at the shoe between her legs
replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a
Subj: Guy Gets Help During Car Sex (S208)
From: The Bartenders Joke of the day on 08 Jan 97
and From: thebartend on 1/25/2001
(See 'Ole And The Hooker' in Swedish_Etc)
A guy on a date parks and gets
the girl in the back seat and
they make love. The girl wants it again and the guy obliges
her. She wants more and they do it again. She still wants
more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute I have to relive
myself." While out of the car he notices a guy a half block
away changing a flat. He asks the guy "Look, I've got this
gal in my car and I've given it to her four or five times
and she still wants more. I'll change your flat if you'll
take over for me."
The guy does and is just getting
in the high numbers when a
cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them.
The cop asks "What're you doing in there?"
The guy says "I'm making love to my wife."
The cop asks "Why don't you do that at home?"
The guy answers "To tell you
the truth, I didn't know it was
my wife until you shined the light on her."
Subj: The Picture-Safe Auto Repair (S385)
From: jbcary1 on 6/10/2004