.
.
Subj:     Cars3 Jokes
                 (Includes 110 jokes and articles, 23 1032n,16,cf,wYT2a,8)

          Click "Here" for Cars-Supp
      and Click "Here" for Cars-Supp2


Ford Pickup from
Animation Factory
.
Includes the following:  Shoe Comic Strip (S663 in Supp2)
.........................Ernie's Dwarf Car Museum - Video (S852 in Supp2)
.........................How the Tesla Model S Is Made - Video (S864 in Supp2)
.........................Pepsi MAX & Jeff Gordon In "Test Drive" - Video (S844-Sup2)
.........................Car Show Game - 48 1950s Cars - Test (S843 in Supp2)
.........................Audi's New Automatic Car Parking System - Video (S838-Sup2)
.........................Super Bowl Ad: Where Do Babies Come From?-Video (S839-Sup2)
.........................Warnings Not To Use 'E15' Gas In Your Car-Video (S834-Sup2)
.........................Three Car Train Of Death Race - Video (S819 in Supp2)
.........................Gymkhana FIVE: Urban Playground; San Francisco (S809 - Sup2)
.........................ABC News 20/20 Investigates Dangerous Tires (S796 in Supp2)
.........................101 Year Old Woman Driving An 81 Year Old Car! (S795 - Sup2)
.........................The Fast And The Luxurious - Video (S781 in Supp2)
.........................Lost Highway - Driving Scene w/Robert Loggia (S790 in Supp2)
.........................Vintage Race Car Crashes - Video (S789 in Supp2)
.........................TRANSLOGIC 78: Minddrive - Video (S774 in Supp2)
.........................The VILLAGES Fl - Town of Custom Golf Carts (S751 in Supp2)
.........................Driving And Shaving Just Don't Mix (S750 in Supp2)
.........................VW Passat Super Bowl Commercial: The Force (S731 in Supp2)
.........................Cars of The Future In 1948 - Video (S731 in Supp2)
.........................Danish Speed Control - Video (S727 in Supp2)
.........................The Best Ford Commercial Ever - Video (S714 in Supp2)
.........................Engineers Turn Robot Arm Into F1 Ferrari Simul (S708b - S2)
.........................Mercedes SLS 360 Barrel Roll In Tunnel - Video (S707b - S2)
.........................Centraal Beheer Auto Insurance Ad - Video (S705 in Supp2)
.........................Rear-view From A Top Alcohol Dragster - Videos (S689b - S2)
.........................A New Kind Of Truck - Video (S680 in Supp2)
.........................Nissan Pathfinder Commercial (S664 in Supp2)
.........................Oil Changing Instructions (S163 in Supp2)
.........................Road Race Video (S648b in Supp2)
.........................VW's Car Factory In Germany - Video (S649 in Supp2)
.........................GM's 50 Millionth Car in 1955 - Video (S687 in Supp2)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S661 in Supp2)
.........................
.........................Monkey In Bar Tells Joke - Video (S486 in Supp)
.........................Car Wash - Video (S629c in Supp)
.........................How To Drop Our Gas Prices - Video (S598 in Supp)
.........................Car Accident (S601 in Supp)
.........................What Old People Do For Fun - Video (512 in Supp)
.........................Price Of Gas Around The World (S587b in Supp)
.........................The Disappearing Car Door - Video (S577 in Supp)
.........................Granny And The Air Bag - Video (S583c in Supp)
.........................Riding In A Car Riddle (S551 in Supp)
.........................Brazilian Toyota Commercial - Video (S602b in Supp)
.........................Moving To The Back Seat (S535b in Supp)
.........................Parking Error - Video (S608c in Supp)
.........................Boy Wants To Drive The Family Car (506b in Supp)
.........................Steal An Auto, It's Easy - Video (S583 in Supp)
.........................Why There Are No Black NASCAR Drivers (S481c in Supp)
.........................1932 Ford Promo Film (S622 in Supp)
.........................Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental And Storage - Vid (S625 - Supp)
.........................Who Say Women Can't Parallel Park - Video (S627 in Supp)
.........................Corvette ZR1 At The Nurburgring (S635c in Supp)
.........................
.........................Cheapest Tow Truck In Town - Video (S946)
.........................Thru Traffic - Video (S507c)
.........................Those Crazy Women Drivers (S247, S520)
.........................Car Protection System - Video (S471c)
.........................Auto Acronyms (S376b)
.........................Gas Prices - Video (S447b)
.........................How To Beat A Speeding Ticket (S225, DU)
.........................Rube Goldberg Honda Ad (S447)
.........................Driver Identification By State (S199, S204)
.........................Vehicle Barrier - Video (S442b)
.........................On Drive, Wife Wants Divorce (S174, S487)
.........................Gasoline Prices (S165, S377)
                         Short Car Jokes
..............................Tundra Comics (S864 in Supp2)
..............................Strange Old Vehicles (S799 in Supp2)
..............................American Car Brochures (S789 in Supp2)
..............................Pickles Comic Strip (S783 in Supp2)
..............................Shoe's Sunday Comic Strip (S741 in Supp2)
..............................1928 Car Repair Mailer (S756 in Supp2)
..............................Ripleys - Believe It Or Not IV (S722 in Supp2)
..............................Renault Clio Commercial (S718 in Supp2)
..............................Car With Five Tires - Video (S692b)
..............................Ripleys - Believe It Or Not III (S682b in Supp2)
..............................Wireless Parking In San Francisco - Video (S682b-Supp2)
..............................789 Chevy By n2a Motors (S674 in Supp2)
..............................Crashing A 1959 Chevy To A 2009 Chevy (S672 in Supp2)
..............................10 Ways To Avoid A Speeding Ticket (S665 in Supp2)
..............................A Man, A Woman, And The Accident - PPS (S664b in Supp2)
..............................Canadian Speed Control (S664 in Supp2)
..............................Ripleys - Believe It Or Not II (S659 in Supp2)
..............................The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S661b in Supp2)
..............................14 Cars We Will Never See Again (S657 in Supp2)
..............................The Fastest 57 Chevy In The World - Video (S654-Supp2)
..............................Mercedes Benz SCL500 (S642c in Supp2)
..............................Chevrolet Media Campaign... (S656b in Supp2)
..............................
..............................Mojo In The Morning - Audio (S641 in Supp)
..............................How To Inflate A Tire w/WD-40 - Video (S640c in Supp)
..............................Car Wash Thief Caught (S632 in Supp)
..............................Doonesbury Comic Strip (S631 in Supp)
..............................32 Vanity License Plates (S631b in Supp)
..............................A Picture Of Irony (S624 in Supp)
..............................Most Dangerous Driving Holidays (S621c in Supp)
..............................Ann Telnaes Cartoons (S616 in Supp)
..............................Bad License Plate 5 (S585c in Supp)
..............................A Sign From Above - Video (S610b in Supp)
..............................Gas Stations Of Yesteryear (S577c in Supp)
..............................Redneck Power Windows - Video (S574 in Supp)
..............................Why I Was Never Late For School - Video (S571b in Supp)
..............................Hijack - Video (S568c in Supp)
..............................BurnOuts Around The World - Video (S563c in Supp)
..............................Renault Ballet - Video (S560b in Supp)
..............................Orgasmic Car Alarm - Video (S560 in Supp)
..............................Trunk Monkeys - Videos (S555 in Supp)
..............................What We Drove In The 50s And 60s - Vid (S551 in Supp)
..............................Real Lucky Driver (S550b in Supp)
..............................Stinker Gas Station Sign (S549c in Supp)
..............................Classis Cars Of The 1900s (S548b in Supp)
..............................Dear Miriam (S547 in Supp)
..............................Women Can't Drive - Video (S541b in Supp)
..............................Selling Toyota's In Scotland - Video (S540 in Supp)
..............................Pedestrian Hit By Car - Video (S535c in Supp)
..............................Russian Tunnel - Icy Driving - Video (S534 in Supp)
..............................Top 10 Women Drivers of the Year (S533b in Supp)
..............................Elk Crossing (S530b in Supp)
..............................Stremnaya Road, Bolivia (S527c in Supp)
..............................Redneck Coffee Table (S522c in Supp)
..............................Winner Of The NOT MY JOB Contest! (S516b)
..............................Bad License Plate 4 (S513c in Supp)
..............................The Backhoe Vs The Overpass (S498 in Supp)
..............................Cute VW Commercial - Video (S494 in Supp)
..............................Car With Balloons (S480c in Supp)
..............................Topless Car Wash - Video (S490b in Supp)
..............................Reason I'm Late For Work (S487c in Supp)
..............................Honda Service Call - Audio (S474 in Supp)
..............................German Parking Garage (S485 in Supp)
..............................The Wheels Of Time (S474b in Supp)
..............................
..............................Murphy's Laws Applied To Cars (S412)
..............................Car Horn Beeps (S325)
..............................Airbag For Men (S435b)
..............................Buzzing Stoplights (S176, S847)
..............................Women Only Parking Lots (S443)
..............................Driving The Wrong Way (S140, S461)
..............................Bad License Plate (S429b)
..............................Dirty License Plate (S121)
..............................Bad License Plate 2 (S431b)
..............................Remote Door Locks (S293)
..............................Gas Price Watch (S384)
..............................Frank and Ernest On Gas Prices (S379)
..............................Daughter Wants To Borrow Car From Dad
..............................Army Major Likes Women
..............................9 Amazing Vehicles (S438b)
..............................Rich Lady And Chauffeur Get Flat (S126)
..............................Germans Buy German Cars In USA (S364)
..............................Frozen Pipes In The Garage (S364b)
..............................Firestone Tires (S188)
..............................Nursery School License Plate (S280b)
..............................New California Drivers License (S347b)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Cheapest Tow Truck In Town (S946d)
          From: Marilyn Janniro Hassey on Facebook
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10155258751720112
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.......
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.......Click 'HERE' to see this twenty second video.
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Top
Subj:     Thru Traffic (S507c,d)
          From: lerman on 10/8/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/CFXnWK6cE_U

 This is a traffic cam at a busy corner during a red light.
 This 10 second video is amazing.  I doubt you can watch
 it just once.  The version on my web site is 20 seconds and
 runs the movie twice.  To watch the video, click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Those Crazy Women Drivers (S247, S520)
          From: dogbyte on 10/25/2001
      and From: jbcary1 on 1/7/2007

 (See 'Crazy Female Drivers' in Cars-Supp3)

 I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic.  Driving
 to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my
 left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per
 hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting
 on her eyeliner!

 I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back
 she was halfway over in my lane.

 As a man, I don't scare easily,  but she scared me so much;
 I dropped my electric shaver which knocked the donut out of
 my other hand.  And in all the confusion of trying to
 straighten out the car using my knees against the steering
 wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell
 into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim
 and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers,
 and disconnected an important call.

 Women drivers!!

Top
Subj:     Car Protection System (S471c,d)
          From: darrell94590 on 2/1/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/NRsag9sGWfY

 This cute, short, video show you a very unique protection
 technique.  To view it, click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Auto Acronyms (S376b)
          From: Dogstar's Doghouse Issue #7
 Source: (Removed from mistywoods.topcities.com)

 AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
 BMW Big Money Works
 BUICK Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
 CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
 DODGE Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
 FORD Flip over read directions
 FORD (backwards) Driver Returns On Foot
 GM General Maintenance
 GMC Gotta Mechanic Coming?
 HONDA Had One Never Did Again
 HYUNDAI Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive
 OLDSMOBILE Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of
     Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
 TOYOTA Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
     VOLVO Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

Top
Subj:     Gas Prices (S447b,d in Movies) 
..........From: darrell94590 on 8/22/2005
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/1P7oGdbY33M

 This video clip from Jay Leno's Tonight Show is very funny.
 Jay and his buddy in his trunk, know how to deal with high
 gas prices. You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     How To Beat A Speeding Ticket (S225, DU)
          From: KMACINTY on 5/23/2001

 A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the
 following exchange:

 Officer: May I see your driver's license?

 Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my
         5th DUI.

 Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

 Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

 Officer: The car is stolen??

 Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I
         saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was
 ........putting my gun in there.

 Officer:  There's a gun in the glove box?

 Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and
         killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed
         her in the trunk.

 Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

 Driver: Yes, sir.

 Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.
 The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain
 approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

 Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

 Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid.)

 Captain: Who's car is this?

 Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

 Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can
          see if there's a gun in it?

 Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. (Sure enough,
         there was nothing in the glove box.)

 Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk?  I was told
          you said there's a body in trunk..

 Driver: No problem.  (Trunk is opened; no body.)

 Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped
          you said you told him you didn't have a license,
          stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox,
          and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

 Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying son of a bitch told
         you I was speeding, too.

Top
Subj:     Rube Goldberg Honda Ad (S447d)
          From: julie on 8/10/2005 (in Movies)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/bl2U1p3fVRk

 This amazing commercial cost 6 million dollars and it
 took 3 months to film. There are no computer graphics
 or digital tricks in these images. Everything that you
 see happened in real time exactly as you see it. The
 recording required 606 takes and in the first 605 takes
 there always was something, usually of minor importance,
 that didn't work.  Click 'HERE' to see this wonderful
 ad for the Honda Accord.

Top
Subj:     Driver Identification By State (S199, S204)
        From: RFSlick on 11/22/2000

  1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO
  2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK
  3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across
     all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY
  4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly
     on accelerator: BOSTON
  5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf
     cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator,
     gun in lap: LOS ANGELES
  6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake,
     quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in CALIFORNIA
  7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator,
     head turned to talk to someone in back seat: ITALY
  8. One hand on 12 oz.  Double shot latte, one knee on wheel,
     cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game,
     banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic:
     SEATTLE
  9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating
     between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet
     on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: TEXAS
 10. Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear
     window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to
     antenna: ALABAMA
 11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above
     windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane
     with the left blinker on: FLORIDA
 12. Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes
     constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for
     visible emissions from their own or another's car: COLORADO
 13. Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear
     window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to
     antenna: WEST VIRGINIA.
 14. Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car
     and who is now wearing a barrel: LAS VEGAS
 15. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above
     window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left
     lane with the left blinker on:  Florida "seasoned citizen"
     driver, also known as "no-see-um"

Top
Subj:     Vehicle Barrier (S442b,d)
          From: chicababe1978 on 7/10/2005
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/rdVwhMGSscc

 From time to time someone asks me what the concrete
 barriers are in front of controlled and secure buildings.
 When I tell them that the barriers will stop traffic,
 even trucks, from approaching the secure building I
 usually get a look of disbelief.

 I've been looking for some footage like this to prove
 my point. In this test, the following parameters were
 used.  Read them and then watch the film.

   Truck = 65,000 lbs.
   Speed = 50 mph
   Kinetic Energy = 5.5 MILLION ft. lbs

   Stopped in 24 INCHES !!!

 Click 'HERE' to view this revealing video.

Top
Subj:     On Drive, Wife Wants Divorce (S174, S487)
          From: thebartend on 5/26/00
      and From: darrell94590 on 5/25/2006

 (See 'Husband Wants To Divorce Wife' in MARRIAGE5)

 A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph.
 The husband is behind the wheel.  His wife looks over at him
 and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but,
 I want a divorce."

 The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

 She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it,
 because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and
 he's a better lover than you."

 Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger
 increases.

 She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up,
 and now is doing 70 mph.

 She says, "I want the kids too."  The husband just keeps
 driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

 She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the
 credit cards too."  The husband slowly starts to veer toward
 a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you
 want?"

 The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

 She asks, "What's that?"

 The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph,
 "I've got the airbag!"

Top
Subj:    Gasoline Prices (S165, S377)
          From: gheckman on 3/16/00
      and From: Imogenelumen on 4/17/2004

 To view this cute article and twelve picture
 click 'HERE'.
 


Subj:     Short Car Jokes

Top
Subj:     Murphy's Laws Applied To Cars (S412)
          From: mebharkins on 12/17/2004
 Click 'HERE' to view the eleven photo page.

Top
Subj:     Car Horn Beeps (S325)
         From: LABLaughs.com on 4/22/03
 CAR LOCATOR

 After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I
 happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced
 with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded
 parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able
 to locate my vehicle easily.

 Wow," the woman said. "I sure could use a gadget like that
 to help me find my car."

 "Actually," I replied, "that's my husband."
 

Top
Subj:     Airbag For Men - GIF (S435b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/24/2005
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 The animated GIF 'Airbag For Men' can be viewed by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Buzzing Stoplights (S176, S847)
          From: agrief on 6/15/00
      and From: virv on 4/5/2013
 The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross
 the street.  I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
 co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer
 was for.  I explained that it signals to blind people when
 the light is red.  She responded, appalled, "What on earth
 are blind people doing driving?"
 

Top
Subj:     Women Only Parking Lots (S443)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 7/13/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking
 lots, especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis City
 Council has established a "Women Only" parking lot at the
 Mall of America. Even the parking lot attendants are
 exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe
 environment is created for patrons.

 Click 'HERE' to view the first picture available of this
 world-first women-only parking lot in Minnesota.
 

Top
Subj:     Driving The Wrong Way (S140, S461)
          From: FrankRoesc on 10/08/1999
 As a senior citizen was driving down the interstate,
 his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's
 voice urgently warning him, "George, honey, I just
 heard on the news that there's some maniac in a car
 going the wrong way on 95... Please be careful!"

 "Heck, Louise," said George, "It's not just one car.
 There's hundreds of them!"
 

Top
Subj:     Bad License Plate (S429b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/14/2005
..........Source: (Rmoved from ezines4all.com)
 To view the full license plate, click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Dirty License Plate (S121)
          From: kate289 on 5/25/99
 It took the Division of Motor Vehicles 6 months
 to figure out and revoke this personalized license plate:

 "3M TA3"

 Can you tell why?
 See answer below.
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
 It spells out "Eat Me" in someone's rear view mirror.

 If it's gots Wheels or Tits
 Sooner or Later
 It is
 Going to give you trouble.

Top
Subj:     Bad License Plate 2 (S431b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/28/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 To view the full license plate, click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Remote Door Locks (S293)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/8/2002
 I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her
 car.  "Do you need some help?" I asked.  She replied, "I
 knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
 door unlocker.  Now I can't get into my car.  Do you think
 they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a
 battery to fit this?"

 "Hmmm, I dunno.  Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.  "No,
 just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the
 car keys to me.

 As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,
 "Why don't you drive over there and check about the
 batteries it's a long walk."
 
 

Top
Subj:     Gas Price Watch (S384)
          From: igiggle on 6/5/2004
 This web site is great for choosing where to buy your gas
 - http://www.gaspricewatch.com/CA-california/cities/gas-prices/1.htm
 

Top
Subj:     Frank and Ernest On Gas Prices (S379)
          By Bob Thaves on 04/20/2004
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2004/04/20


 

Top
Subj:     Daughter Wants To Borrow Car From Dad
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #201 on 97-10-09
 A girl goes up to her father one night and says "Dad, can
 I have the car tonight?"  Her father looks at her thought-
 fully and says, "Sure, if you blow my dick."  So the girl
 puts his penis in her mouth and almost immediately spits
 it back out.

 "Your penis tastes like shit!" She cries.

 "Oh yeah," her father replied, "I forgot I loaned the car
 to your brother tonight."
 

Top
Subj:     Army Major Likes Women
          Compiled by Max Weinstein 11/14/94
 An Army driver was chauffeur to a Major who was a notorious
 womanizer. One day, the major saw a lovely girl.  "Turn the
 car round," he ordered.

 The driver promptly stalled the car.  By the time he had
 re-started it, the girl had vanished. "Driver," said the
 major, "you'd be a total loss in an emergency."

 "I thought I did pretty well," the driver said. "That was
 my girl."
 

Top
Subj:     9 Amazing Vehicles (S438b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/14/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 (See 'Strange Old Vehicles' in Cars-Supp2)
 You can view the nine pictures, by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Rich Lady And Chauffeur Get Flat (S126)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 6/26/99
 A rich lady is riding along with her chauffeur when they
 get a flat tire.  He gets out and starts trying to pry off
 the hubcap.  After he struggles a few minutes, she looks out
 at him and says, "You wanna screwdriver?"

 He says, "Hell, we might as well.  I can't get this freaking
 hubcap off."
 

Top
Subj:     Germans Buy German Cars In USA (S364)
          From: jerry on 1/16/2004
 Germany's Center Automotive Research (CAR) reports that,
 because the euro has risen so far against the dollar,
 German's can save 60,000 euros (enough to buy a Porsche
 Cayenne) if they buy a German Porsche Carrera GT from a
 dealer in the US and have it shipped back to Germany
 where it was originally manufactured.

 CNN 8-Jan-04
 

Top
 
Subj:     Frozen Pipes In The Garage (S364b)
          From: CHRISDADDYG on 1/15/2004
 The picture "Frozen Pipes In The Garage" can be see by
 chicking 'Here'.
 

Top
Subj:     Firestone Tires (S188)
..........From: JOELFALLON on 09/07/2000
 Top Ten Rejected Slogans for Firestone Tires

 10. "Safer than a Russian sub."
  9.  "The perfect gift for your mother-in-law."
  8.  "Because there's a lot riding on your lawsuit."
  7.  "Better than driving around on your axles, right?"
  6.  "Pop a set on your car today."
  5.  "C'mon, did you really expect good tires on a new Ford?"
  4.  "Reinforcing the importance of the speed limit."
  3.  "Hey, it's not like we crashed our blimp or something."
  2.  "Just between us, the Michelin Man is a homo."
  1.  "You can't recall a better tire."
 

Top
Subj:     Nursery School License Plate (S280b)
          From: jerry on 6/12/2002
 License plate found on a nursery school passenger van:
 PPB4UGO.
 

Top
Subj:     New California Drivers License (S347b)
          From: DoctorDebt on 9/23/2003
 To view, click 'Here'.

 

 Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads
 in Sweden.  The conversion to right-hand was done on a week-
 day at 5pm.  All traffic stopped as people switched sides.
 This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where
 drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too
 sleepy to realize *this* was the day of the changeover.

 In 1900 There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144
 miles of paved roads. The maximum speed limit in most cities
 was ten mph.

 From 'Strange Sex Laws' in LAWS

 If a police officer in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, suspects a
 couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their
 horn three times, and wait two minutes before being allowed
 to approach the scene.

 Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally
 sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken
 to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.

 Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while
 watching two people having sex in a car.

 In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an
 automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle
 is parked on the couple's own property.

 An excerpt form brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No
 female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within
 this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers
 or unless she be armed with a club".

 The following important ammendment however is to be
 considered here: "The provisions of this statuate shall
 not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor
 exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."
 

 From LAWS file.

 In Utah birds have the right of way on all highways...

 In Memphis, Tennessee it is illegal for a woman to drive by
 herself; "a man must walk or run in front of the vehicle,
 waving a red flag in order to warn approaching pedestrians
 and motorists"....

 In St. Louis, a law on the books makes it illegal to park
 your car without turning off the engine.  This was to
 avoid scaring horses.
 

From: BawdyNet test part 3! on 98-03-01
 *The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #59 on 98-03-09
 Patience is something admired in the driver behind you,
  but not in the one ahead of you.

 The squeaky wheel gets the oil.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #63 on 98-03-13
 Why do they always keep the bathrooms locked at the gas station...
  (are they afraid they someone will get in and clean them?)

From: grs on 98-04-05
 Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?

 Why is it that when you transport something by car, its
  called a shipment, but when you transport something by
  ship. its cargo?

 Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,
  you turn down the volume on the radio?

From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
 Forget about World Peace ... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

 Honk if you love peace and quiet.

 Ashes to ashes,
 dust to dust
 if it was not for Fords
 our tools would rust.

 The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in
 every five must be straight. These straight sections are
 usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

 The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue,
 Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world
 where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car
 driving under an airplane.

 The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army
 for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

 Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.

 The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.

 Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years.
 Average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6.

 The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is that
 it's easier to go faster when you're always going downhill.

 Most American car horns honk in the key of F.

 Facts about Americans. Did you know that...
 71% can drive a stick-shift car.
 45% of us consistantly follow the speed limit.
 2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light. 1/3 of us don't
    wear seat belts.
 12% of men never use their car blinkers.
 44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.
 25% of us drive after we've been drinking.
 4 out of 5 sing in the car.

From: ossama on 98-05-05
 Drive carefully
 It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 on 98-05-10
 I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

 You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

 Attempt to get a new car for your spouse--it'll be a great trade!

From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
 I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-30
 If you drink, don't park.  Accidents cause people.

From: RFSlick on 98-08-25
 Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

From: ossama on 98-09-03
 Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to
 honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production
 in Canada this year.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #215 on 98-09-12
 Kids in the back seat cause accidents;
 accidents in the back seat cause kids.

 There are two kinds of pedestrians...
 the quick and the dead.

From: auntieg on 98-11-14
 The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used
 in the army for the General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #297 on98-12-18
 Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
   -- Erma Bombeck

From: humorlist-digest V2 #294 on 98-12-14
 When I die I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my
 grandfather; not screaming and yelling like the passengers
 in his car.

From: ossama on 99-02-25
 There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

From: homeschooling.guide on 99-02-26 (S110)
 After watching the Daytona 500 on TV, Steve Rushin of Sports
 Illustrated says, ``The sport began to grow on me like
 shower-curtain mildew.''  Previously, he said, he believed
 auto racing fans ``fell into one of two categories: tattooed,
 shirtless, sewer-mouthed drunks; and their husbands.''

From: smiles on 4/13/99 (S115)
 If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now

From: RFSlick on 5/31/99
 Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as
 opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just
 darker." (1991)

From: ICohen on 3/13/2001 (S215)
 American car horns beep in the tone of F.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 5/25/2001 (S226)
 "Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
   -- Robin Williams

From: RFSlick on 6/27/2001 (S231b)
 Regular naps prevent old age.....especially
 if you take them while driving.

From: dogbyte on 9/4/2001 (S240)
 Every three minutes, somewhere in America a suburban
 housewife backs the family car through the garage door.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/27/2002 (S269)
 Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

From: LABLaughs.com on 6/19/2002 (S281b)
 If everything seems under control,
 you're just not going fast enough.
   -- Mario Andretti

From: LABLaughs.com on 3/13/2002 (S267c)
 "Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or
 eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest
 thing in life is to keep your mind young."  -- Henry Ford

From: LABLaughs.com on 8/13/2002 on 289b)
 Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take
 your eyes off your goal.  -- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

From: LABLaughs.com on 9/4/2002 (S292b)
 Whether you think that you can, or that you can't,
 you are usually right.  -- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

From: KMACINTY on 8/13/2002 (S289b)
 Murray Walker, "The lead car is absolutely
 unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."

From: LABLaughs.com on 12/7/2002 (S305b)
 You'll learn more about a road by travelling it
 than by consulting all the maps in the world...

From: joke-of-the-day.com on 5/9/2003 (S328b)
 The shortest distance between two points is always
 under construction.  -- Noelie Alite

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 6/19/2005
 (S438b - thoughts-learned-supp)
 My father always used to say that when you die, if you've
 got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
   -- Lee Iacocca

From: tadams96 on 6/6/2003 (S332b)
 "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
  clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

From: Imogenelumen on 4/28/2004 (S378b in Funeral)
 Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

From: Imogenelumen on 5/15/2004 (S381b)
 Never buy a car you can't push.

From: Shuttle Dave on June 25, 2004 (S386b)
 Shuttle Dave is a retired man who drives the shuttle bus
 for a auto dealership.  "I only have this job to support
 my viagra habit."
 

 Q: What is the similarity between FIAT cars and Italian girls ?
 A: They're small on the outside, but
    once you're inside, there's plenty of room.

 Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
 A: On the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

 Q. What's the difference between a LADA (small Russian car)
    and a sheep?
 A. It's more embarrassing if you're caught getting out the
    back of a LADA.

 Q: How can you tell when a used car salesman is lying?
 A: His lips are moving.

From: RFSlick on 98-04-10
 Q: How do you double the value of a Yugo?
 A: Fill it with gas.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #307 on 6/18/99 (S125b)
 Q: How can you tell the porno star at the gas station?
 A: Just as the gas starts up the hose, he pulls out the
    nozzle and sprays the gas all over the car.

From: FrankRoesc on 99-02-19
 Q: How do you double the value of a Yugo?
 A: You fill it with gas.

From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003 (S322b)
 Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
 A: On the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

From: LABLaughs.com on 8/28/2003 (S344b)
 Q: If all the cars in the country were pink,
    what would we have?
 A: A pink car nation.

From: Anon Jr. on 9/17/2005 (S452b)
Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean.

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..........................From Smiley_Central
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