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>>>
Subj:     Computer1 Jokes
                 (Inclides 27 jokes and articles, 22 1028n,15,cf,wXT2a,10)

Server on Fire from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Facebook Pencil Drawing (S906)
.........................Six Reasons Computers Must Be Female: (S40)
.........................Ten Reasons Computers Must Be Male
.........................Pickles Comic Strip (S890)
.........................No More Keyboards - Video (S563b)
.........................Windows 95 Error Codes
.........................Zits Cartoon (S909)
.........................AllMyFaves.com (S600)
.........................Upgrading Girlfriend 1.0 To Wife 1.0 (S419)
.........................Homeland Security Internet Tracking - Cursor (S449)
.........................Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support
.........................Flaming Cursor (S614b)
.........................Why Computers Are Better Than Women
.........................Dogs On Line - Cartoon (S406b)
.........................Tech Support For GirlFriend x.x
.........................I've Got An AOL Wife (S25)
.........................AOL Headquarters (S386)
.........................I Am NOT Addicted (S469b)
.........................Silicon Valley Lingo (S32)
.........................Working For Google - Video (S558b)
.........................Upgrading Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 (S221)
.........................I'm On The Computer Too Long (S559c)
.........................Husband Gets A Computer (S44)
.........................User Error Message (S586b)
.........................Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S626c)
.........................The Flying McCoys (S638b)
.........................Soapbox Man - Video (S656b)

Also see BALLS file   - 'Mouse Balls'
         BANKING-SUPP2- 'Amazing Mind Reader Reveals His Gift' - Video
......................- 'Credit Card RFID Theft' - Video
......................- 'How To Legally Rob A Bank' - Video
.........BAR1 file    - 'Where Do Astronauts Hangout? - Drawing
.........BAR2 file    - 'Man With Hand Phone Goes Into A Bar' (fax)
         BATHROOM-GRFT- 'The Sink At IBM's Watson Center'
         BIRDS file   - 'Barn Owls Web Cam In Benicia'
         BIRDS-PARROTS- 'Three High Priced Parrots'
         BLONDE1-SUPP - 'Blonde Buys Pink Curtains'
         BUGS-ETC file- 'E-Mail Bug'
......................- 'Ant Express'
         CARS1        - 'BMW's Windows Car'
......................- 'If Microsoft Built Cars'
         CATS2 file   - 'Clear Screen'
......................- 'Cat Scan Picture'
         CHRISTMAS1   - 'New Year Resolutions For Internet Junkies'
         CHRISTMS3-SPP- 'The Night Before Christmas On The Computer'
         COLLEGE2 file- 'Computer Science Majors In College'
.........CONTRACTOR   - 'Winscape Intro' - Video
.........DOG3 file    - 'Virtual Dog'
......................- 'Pee Mail...'
         DOG-SUPP2    - 'Bizarro Cartoon'
         DRINKING BEER- 'Free Beer On Internet'
         ELDERLY2-SUPP- 'Tweeter, Blackberry Phones, Etc. For People Over 50'
         ELDERLY3-SUP2- 'Troubling New E-Mail Virus'
         FACEBOOK file- 'Facebook Emoticons'
         FACTS3 file  - 'FCC Proposal To Charge For Internet Service'
......................- 'Truth About FCC Proposal'
.........FACTS5 file  - 'Computer Car Navigator All Wet'
         FART file    - 'Scratch And Sniff Webpage'
         FAMOUS-GATES - 'Bill Gates And Farting' (phone and fax)
......................- (see whole file)
         FOOD-ETC file- 'The 100GB Bug'
         FRENCH file  - 'French Military Victories'
         FROG file    - 'Talking Frog Joke And The Programmer'
         FUNERAL-SUPP - 'Bizarro Cartoon'
         GAMES file   - 'Guess Master'
......................- 'Internet Teddy Bears'
......................- 'Non Sequitur Cartoon'
         GAMES-SUPP   - 'Test Your Mouse Skills'
         GAMES2-SUPP  - 'Pacman Sign And Quote'
         GENIE file   - 'Three Computer People Find A Genie'
         GREEK file   - 'The Original Trojan Horse Warning'
         HEAVEN2 file - 'Judgement Day'
         HORSE-SUPP   - 'I Love This Post' - Photo
         HOWTO-SUPP   - 'TED - Massimo Banzi Explains Arduino' - Video
         HUNTING-CAMP - 'South Park Goes Camping' - Video
         JOBS2 file   - 'Funny Virus Alert'
         JOBS3 file   - 'Bill Gates' Message on Life'
......................- '27 Signs You've Had Too Much Of The 90's'
         JOBS-SUPP    - 'Flowchart For Problem Resolution'
         JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'Best Out Of Office Auto Replies'
......................- 'Office Printer's Type Grows Faint'
         JUDGE file   - 'Top 20 Arguments in Microsoft's Appeal'
         KIDS1 file   - 'Dad Explains The Facts Of Life II'
         LAWS file    - 'The Laws of Computer Programming'
         LETTERS1 file- 'Great Resignation Letter'
.........LIBRARY file - 'The Internet Archive' (Most amazing site on the Internet)
.........MEN1 file    - 'Man Through The Ages'
         MIDDLE_EAST  - 'Amazing 7D Show At Dubai Mall' - Video
         MOVIES2 file - 'Andy Serkis: The Famous, Unknown Actor' - Video
         MOVIES2-SUPP - 'Broadwalk Empire Season 2 on HBO' - Video
         MUSIC-SUPP   - 'CD Copy Protection'
         NERD file    - 'You Might Be A Nerd If....'
......................- 'Nerd Letters From Camp'
......................- 'Nerd Season'
......................- (See whole file)
.........NEW YORK-SUPP- 'Rain Room at MoMA New York' - Video
.........OTH-ANIM-SUP2- 'Whale Watching SWF'
.........OTH-OCCUP-SUP- 'The Greatest Magic Trick Ever' - Video
         OTHER-PEOPLE - 'The Writer - An Automaton' - Video
......................- 'Dilbert Comic Strip On Robots'
.........PATENT file  - 'Two Amazing Website Patents'
         PENIS3       - 'Computer Password'
......................- 'Why E-mail Is Like A Penis'
         PHONE file   - 'Ordering A Pizza By Phone'
         PHONE-SUPP   - 'iDoctor - Smartphone, The Future Of Medicine' - Video
         POETRY file  - 'Cute Poem About Spell Checkers'
......................- 'Computer Haiku'
......................- 'Dr. Seuss Teaches About Computers'
         POETRY-SUPP  - 'Marshall Soulful Jones performs "Touchscreen"' - Video
         POLICE2 file - 'FBI's New Snoop Tool'
         PRIEST3 file - 'Archive Transfer'
         PROGRAMMER   - 'Quiz-Programmer Or Serial Killer'
......................- 'Software, Hardwre Enginrs, And Managr Car Stops'
......................- (See whole file)
         PUSSY file   - 'Why The Internet Is Like A Vagina'
         QUOTES3      - 'Quotes About Computer Programming'
......................- 'Great Quotes-People Who Won't Consider Internet'
         QUOTES-COMED - 'Abbott Teaches Costello On Computers'
         RATS_MICE    - 'Blind Rat Has Sex'
         REDNECK2     - 'Redneck Computer Terms'
         REDNECK-SUPP - 'Three Nationalities In A Sauna' (fax)
         RELIGION2    - 'Teaching The Lord's Prayer'
         RIDDLES file - 'A What Am I Riddle #21'
         SCHOOL-SUPP  - 'Classroom Computer Crashes'
         SCIENCE-SUPP - 'Waterfall Swing' - Video
         SCOTTISH file- 'Scottish Voice Operated Lift' - Video
         SEX1 file    - 'Guide To Safe Fax'
......................- 'Cyber Slut'
         SHORT JOKES  - 'Hurricane Irene Warning'
         SLOGANS-PROV - 'Computer Proverbs'
         SPERM        - 'Sperm Doner'
         STARTREK-SPC2- 'Star Wars Holiday Humor'
         STORIES file - '25 Hottest Urban Legends'
......................- 'Email-Forwarders' 12 Step Program'
         STRANDED     - 'Stranded On Island With A Beautiful Woman'
         TESTS2 file  - 'The Best 'Pick A Color, Etc. Quiz''
         THO-LEARN-SP3- 'The Innovation Of Loneliness' - Video
......................-'Bizarro - What Is The Meaning Of Life?'
         THO-SILLY-SUP- 'Your Life Explained By Scientific Graphs'
         THO-TIME-SUPP- 'When I Was A Kid'
         THOUGHTS WARM- 'Email Friend - Drawing'
......................- 'Fight Hunger With A Click'
         WORD_JOKS-SUP- 'Pearls Before Swine'

============================================================Top
Subj:     Facebook Pencil Drawing (S906)
          Sketched by Pawel Kuczynski
 Source1: http://pendar.com/story/drawing-on-world-issues-
..........illustrations-by-pawel-kuczynski-continue-to-make-u
 Source2: http://www.viralnova.com/pawel-kucz
..........ynski-paintings/#vjdFSx58PZ1lFf7f.99
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 This painting by Poland based artist Pawel Kuczynski helps to
 remind us that there is more than one way to view the world.
 Kuczynski's work is clever in that it gets you thinking long
 before you know the signifigance behind his message.

Top
Subj:     Six Reasons Computers Must Be Female: (S40)
          From: RBishop707 on 97-10-01

 (Also see 'Computer Gender?' in COMPUTER4)

 6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around
    the corner.
 5. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
 4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to
    memory for future reference.
 3. The native language used to communicate with other computers
    is incomprehensible to everyone else.
 2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as
    informative as: "If you don't know why I'm mad at you,
    then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
 1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find your-
    self spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Top
         Top 10 reasons computers must be male:
         From: cohen#il on 97-10-30

 10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
  9. A better model is always just around the corner.
  8. They look attractive until you bring them home.
  7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
  6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
  5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
  4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
  3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
  2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
  1. Size does matter.

Top
Subj:     Pickles Comic Strip (S890)
          By Brian Crane on 01/31/2014
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2014/01/31
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Top
Subj:     No More Keyboards - HD (S563b,d)
          From: darrellvip on 11/3/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/UMCStBgOeKg

 This video clip demonstrates what computers can do without
 needing keyboards, or mice.  Click 'HERE'. to learn more.

Top
Subj:     Windows 95 Error Codes
          From: ossama on 98-04-19

 "Windows 95 Error Codes"
 Recently the following undocumented Windows 95 error-codes
 were found.  Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals,
 so they will be spread via the Internet:

 WinErr: 001
    Windows loaded - System in danger
 WinErr: 002
    No Error - Yet
 WinErr: 003
    Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
 WinErr: 004
    Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
 WinErr: 005
    Multitasking attempted - System confused
 WinErr: 006
    Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
 WinErr: 007
    System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
 WinErr: 008
    Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
 WinErr: 009
    Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
 WinErr: 00A
    Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
 WinErr: 00B
    Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
 WinErr: 00C
    Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
 WinErr: 00D
    Window closed - Do not look outside
 WinErr: 00E
    Window open - Do not look inside
 WinErr: 00F
    Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
 WinErr: 010
    Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
 WinErr: 011
    Window open - Do not look outside
 WinErr: 012
    Window closed - Do not look inside
 WinErr: 013
    Unexpected error - Huh?
 WinErr: 014
    Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
 WinErr: 018
    Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a
    new one.  Old Windows licence is not valid anymore.
 WinErr: 019
    User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
 WinErr: 01A
    Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your
    software. We are terribly sorry.
 WinErr: 01B
    Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error.
    Next time you will get a penalty for that.
 WinErr: 01C
    Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
 WinErr: 01D
    System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
 WinErr: 01E
    Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
 WinErr: 01F
    Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
 WinErr: 020
    Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be
    lost.
 WinErr: 042
    Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box.
    The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will
    automatically be closed and the virus will be activated
    again.
 WinErr: 079
    Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed.
    Please click the left mouse button to continue.
 WinErr: 103
    Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered.
    Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.
 WinErr: 678
    This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play
    another game?
 WinErr: 683
    Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for
    the system to complete boot procedure.
 WinErr: 815
    Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 bytes available

Top
Subj:     Zits Cartoon (S909)
          by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman on 6/21/2014
Source: http://comicskingdom.com/zits
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Top
Subj:     AllMyFaves.com (S600)
          From: darrellvip on 7/11/2008
 Source: http://www.allmyfaves.com/

 This site has all your favorite web sites shown with
 icons on one page.  Just Point and click!  Rarely do
 I find a web site that I like better than my joke site.
 This site is the best.  Try it at the source above.

Top
Subj:     Upgrading Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 (S419)
          From: CHRISDADDYG on 2/2/2005

 Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife
 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little
 system resources for other applications.

 He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-
 Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.  No
 mention of this particular phenomena was included in the
 product brochure or the documentation, though other users
 have informed him that this is to be expected due to the
 nature of the application.  Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs
 itself such that it is always launched at system initializa-
 tion where it can monitor all other system activity.  He's
 finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Beer-
 Bash 2.5,and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the
 system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though
 they always worked fine before).  At installation, Wife 1.0
 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-
 Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release.
 Also, system performance seems to diminishwith each passing
 day.

 Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0.
 - A "Don't remind me again" button
 - Minimize button
 - An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0
   be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without
   the loss of cache and other  system resources.
 - An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode
   which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be
   much more useful.

 I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with
 Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0.  Even here, however,
 I found many problems.  Apparently you cannot install Girl-
 friend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0.  You must uninstall Girl-
 friend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug
 which I should have been aware of.  Apparently the versions of
 Girlfriend have conficts over shared use of the I/O port.  You
 think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now.  To make
 matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 does
 not work very well leaving undesirable traces of the
 application in the system.

 Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend
 continually popup little annoying messages about the
 advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

 *****  BUG WARNING  ********
 Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug.  If you try to install
 Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will
 delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself.
 Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming
 insufficient resources.

 *** BUG WORK-AROUNDS ***************
 To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a
 different system and never run any file transfer applications
 such as Laplink 6.0.  Also, beware of similar shareware
 applications that have been known to carry viruses that
 may affect Wife 1.0.

 Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet
 provider under an anonymous name.  Here again, beware of
 the viruses which can accidently be downloaded from the
 UseNet.

Top
Second version
Subj:     Tech Support for GirlFriend x.x
          From: Octagon999 on 97-12-09

 Dear Bob in Tech Support,

 I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and
 I've been having some problems lately.  I've been running
 the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever, as my
 primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've
 tried have always conflicted with it.

 I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is
 run in background mode and the sound is turned off.  But
 I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the
 sound off.  I just run them seperately, and it works okay.
 GirlFriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with
 my Leisure 3.1 and QuietTime programs, often trying to
 abort them with some sort of timing incompatibility.

 I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I
 thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0.
 After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted
 a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0.  He
 said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend
 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run
 properly.  He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it
 uninstalled itself.

 Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta.  All
 the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used
 it, it gave me a virus anyway.  I had to clean out my whole
 system and shut down for a while to re-check my hardware.

 I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0.  This time I
 used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection
 program.  It worked okay for a while, until I discovered that
 GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system.  I tried running
 GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but
 GirlFriend 4.0 has a "feature" I didn't know about that
 automatically detects the presence of any other version of
 GirlFriend and communicates with it in the background in some
 way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.

 The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still
 some problems.  Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is
 written in some obscure language I can't understand, much
 less reprogram.  Frankly I think there is too much attention
 paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality.
 Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you
 usually have to use gold-plated contacts, which is very
 expensive.  And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally
 "object-oriented", as that interface is sometimes cumbersome
 and even counter-intuitive.

 A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of Girl-
 Friend to GirlFriendPlus 1.1, which is a Terminate and Stay
 Resident version of GirlFriend.  To his dismay, however, he
 discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.1 expires within a year of
 the upgrade, if you don't upgrade AGAIN to Fiancee 1.0.  So
 he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade YET AGAIN to
 Wife 1.0, which he describes as a HUGE resource hog.

 It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything
 else.  In fact, it has even automatically deleted several
 of his other programs to make room for itself, not the least
 of which was DrinkingBuddies 1.0, which used to be one of
 his favorite applications, as well.  This is particularly
 disturbing to me, as we used to run DrinkingBuddies 1.0 on
 a network with several of our mutual friends, and now he
 can't even connect anymore!

 He told me that one of the primary reasons he decided to go
 with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus,
 which sounded great.  Well, it turns out the resource
 allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes inexplicably
 prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly when he
 starts the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try.  Also, for no
 apparent reason, the OralSex 1.0 module that worked fine
 in his previous versions of GirlFriendPlus and Fiancee,
 stopped working the instant the upgrade to Wife 1.0 finished
 installing.

 On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-
 up system before he can do anything with the FreeSexPlus
 module.  This warming up process requires him to run an
 antiquated version of ForePlay Beta, which has an
 agonizingly slow interface, and which has an unfortunate
 tendency to crash, requiring a cold reboot to his system.
 The real insult to injury however, is that even though he
 did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came embedded with MotherInLaw
 2.0, which has an irritating automatic pop-up feature he
 can't turn off.

 I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0 (which I had
 heard works great in such situations), but he said he heard
 if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0,
 Wife 1.0 will delete all of your MSMoney files before doing
 an uninstall of itself.  Then Mistress 1.0 won't install
 anyway because of insufficient resources.

 Please help me Bob, I don't know what to do.  Since the
 initial release, I have had nothing but problems.

 I've heard that I would really like the CoolGirlFriend 1.0
 Deluxe Upgrade (which is supposed to come bundled with a
 completely functioning version of FreeSexDeluxe), but that
 release is no where to be found - not even the Beta version!
 That release is also supposed to come with it's own resource
 management module seamlessly layered in, so it won't
 conflict with any of my other programs (barring previous
 versions of GirlFriend, which I would happily delete!).

 Please advise.

Top
Subj:     Homeland Security Internet Tracking (S449)
          From: MEBHARKINS on 8/22/2005 (in Police1)
 Source: (Removed from users.chartertn.net)

 I just wanted to let you know that the new Homeland Security
 Bill has passed.  Things will be different now and Internet
 surfing will be tracked by what the FBI calls a "non-intrusive
 method." The FBI says you will not notice anything different.
 For a demonstration, click 'HERE'. to view it.

Top
Subj:     Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support
          From: RFSlick on 98-04-10

 Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little
    lines all over the screen.
 A: Pick it up and shake it.

 Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
 A: Pick it up and shake it.

 Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
 A: Pick it up and shake it.

 Q: How do I create a New Document window?
 A: Pick it up and shake it.

 Q: How do I set the background and foreground
    to the same color?
 A: Pick it up and shake it.

 Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting
    my Etch-A-Sketch?
 A: Pick it up and shake it.

 Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
 A: Pick it up and shake it.

 Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
 A: Don't shake it.

Top
Subj:     Flaming Cursor (S614b,d)
          by Rafael Rozendall
          From: gattica30 on 10/9/2008
 Source: http://www.flamingcursor.com/

 Click 'HERE' to see this cute, flaming cursor.

Top
Subj:     Why Computers Are Better Than Women

 A computer doesn't complain if you turn in on, or off.
 A computer does what you tell it.
 You can have as many computers as you like.
 You can always upgrade your computer for a faster model.
 Computers have quicker access time, and better response.
 You computer doesn't ask you for extra memory,
    a new drive or better graphics.
 A computer won't gossip about how bad you are to
    other computers.
 A computer doesn't care if you use other computers.
 A computer won't mind if you use it with the lights turned on.
 You always know where you can find your computer.
 You can abuse your computer and you don't have to buy it
    flowers to use it again.
 You can have a long distance relationship with a computer.
 You can have more than one person on a computer at a time.
 You can always make a computer go down.
 A Computer doesn't care if you plug extra things into it.

Top
Subj:     Dogs On Line (S406b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/29/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
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Top
Subj:     I've Got An AOL Wife (S25)
          From: ArmaDillow on 97-07-14

 So here I sit, in all my glory...
    lend me an ear,and I'll tell ya a story...
 I once had a wife, all warm and cuddly;
    then came AOL, and it all turned ugly!
 Now there she sits for hours on end...
    don't care where I'm goin, or where I have been.
 I could be home, or I could be gone...
    she really don't care, as long as she's on...
   (line, that is)
 After work she rushes home...I guess I shouldn't be
    pissed... but its not to see me, its to see what
    she's missed!
 To say Hi to her buddies, who bout live in that room...
    when this place needs a mop...and could sure use
    a broom!
 So I'll just drink me a beer, and watch some TV,
    and wonder just why she's not talkin to me!
 I sit here each day-GOD I NEED A LIFE-
    but that's how it is with an AOL wife...
 I sat here and pondered just what I might do...
    Hell, I got a screen name-now I'm online TOO!!!!

Top
Subj:     AOL Headquarters (S386)
          From: mrx on 6/12/2004
..........Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)

 To view the cartoon 'AOL Heaqdquarters' click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     I Am NOT Addicted (S469b)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/13/2006
 Source: (Removwed from lablaughs.com)

 To view this cartoon, click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Silicon Valley Lingo (S32)
          From: vcarlew on 97-09-10

 You can't be professionally cool if you're using outdated
 jargon.  Here's the latest from the corporate and Silicon
 Valley jungles.

 "percussive maintenance"
 The fine art of whacking the stuffing out of a device to
 get it working.

 "prairie dogging"
 In companies where everyone has a cubicle -- something
 happens and everyone pops up to look.

 "blowing your buffer"
 Losing your train of thought.

 "yuppie food coupons"
 Twenty dollar bills from an ATM.

 "square headed girlfriend" (or boyfriend)
 Your computer.

 "treeware"
 Manuals and documentation.

 "umfriend"
 Concealed intimate relationship, as in, "This is Dale,
 my...um...friend."

 "batmobiling"
 Putting up emotional shields (from the retracting armor
 that covers the batmobile), as in, "She started talking
 marriage and he started batmobiling."

 "beepilepsy"
 Afflicts those with vibrating pagers characterized by
 sudden spasms, goofy facial expressions and loss of
 speech and voluntary muscle coordination.

 "betamaxed"
 When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior
 but better marketed competition, as in, "Microsoft
 betamaxed Apple right out of the market."

 "cobweb"
 A WWW site that never changes.

 "high dome"
 Egghead, scientist, PhD.

 "Elvis year"
 The peak year of popularity, as in, "1993 was Barney the
 Dinosaur's Elvis year."

 "generica"
 Fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions, as in,
 "We were so lost in generica that we couldn't remember
 what city we were passing through."

 "irritainment"
 Annoying but you can't stop watching, e.g. the O.J. trial.

 "meatspace"
 The physical world (as opposed to the virtual), also
 "carbon community", "facetime", "F2F", "RL."

 "siliwood" also "hollywired"
 The coming convergence of movies, interactive TV
 and computers.

 "world wide wait"
 WWW

Top
Subj:     Working For Google (S558b,d)
          From: gattica30 on 9/27/2007
Photo from YouTube
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/rWlHtvZHbZ8

 This video reveals the work environment at Google.
 You can see the video by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Upgrading Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 (S221)
          From: gheckman on 4/20/2001

 Dear Tech Support:
 Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
 noticed the new program began making unexpected changes to
 the accounting modules-limiting access to flower and jewelry
 applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
 5.0.  In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
 programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable
 programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0   Conversationion 8.0
 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
 I've tried running Nagging 2.3 to fix these problems, but to
 no avail.

(Signed) Desperate

 Dear Desperate,
 Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package,
 while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.  Try to enter the
 command:  C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2.
 Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications:
 Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0.  But remember, overuse can cause
 Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0
 or Beer 6.1.   Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will
 create "Snoring Loudly" wave files.  DO NOT install Mother-
 InLaw 1.0 or attempt reinstall another Boyfriend program.
 These are not supported applications and will crash Husband
 1.0.

 In Summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
 limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
 Consider buying additional software to improve performance.
 I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.

 (Signed)
 Tech Support

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Subj:     I'm On The Computer Too Long (S559c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 10/1/2007
 Source: (Removwed from lablaughs.com)

 You can view this cute picture by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Husband Gets A Computer (S44)
         From: humorlist-digest V1 #264 on 97-12-01

 To my darling husband,

 I'm sending you this letter in a bogus software company
 envelope so you'll be sure to read it.  Please forgive the
 deception, but I thought you should know what's been going
 on since your computer entered our lives two years ago.

 The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright,
 handsome boy.  He has developed quite an interest in the
 arts.  He drew a family portrait for a school project.  All
 the figures were good but yours was excellent!!.  The chair
 and back of your head are very realistic.  You would be
 proud of him.  Little Jennifer turned 3 in September.  She
 looks a lot like you did at that age.  She is an attractive
 child and quite smart.  She still remembers that you spent
 the whole afternoon with us on her birthday.  What a grand
 day for Jen despite the fact that it was stormy and the
 electricity was out.

 I am doing well.  I went blond about a year ago and was
 delighted to discover that it really was more fun.  Lars,
 I mean Mr. Swensen, the department head, has taken an
 interest in my career and has become a good friend to us
 all.

 I discovered that the household chores are much easier
 since I realized that you didn't mind being vacuumed and
 that the feather duster made you sneeze.  The house is in
 good shape.  I had the living room painted last spring.
 I'm not sure if you noticed it.  I asked the painters to
 cut air holes in the drop cloths so you wouldn't be
 disturbed.

 Well dear, I must be going.  Uncle Lars, Mr. Swensen, I
 mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is much
 packing to do.  I've hired a house-keeper to take care
 of things while we are away.  She'll keep things in
 order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to the
 computer room just the way you like it.

 I hope you and the computer have a lovely time while we
 are gone.  Tommy, Jen and I think of you often.  Try to
 remember us while your disks are booting.

 Love, Mary

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Subj:     User Error Message (S586b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 3/12/2008
 Source: (Removwed from lablaughs.com)

 You can view this cute, stupid, computer interrupt message
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S626c)
          By Bob Thaves on 1/7/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frankandernest/2009/01/07

 Click 'HERE' to see this cute comic strip on tech support.

Top
Subj:     The Flying McCoys (S638b)
          by Glenn and Gary McCoy on 3/29/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/theflyingmccoys/2009/03/29

 Click 'HERE' to see this cute cartoon on evolution
 and computers.

Top
Subj:     Soapbox Man (S656b,d)
          From: tom on 7/29/2009
 Source: (Removed from info.org.il)

 This is a cartoon, for those people, who are getting
 tired, of receiving, all those silly "chain E-mails".
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute cartoon.

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............................From Smiley_Central.
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