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Subj:     Computer4 Jokes
                 (Includes 44 jokes and articles, 05 1038,6,cf,wYT3a4,3)

          Click "Here" for Comp-Supp
      and Click "Here" for Comp-Supp2
 


Changing Computer
from
Billy'S MovinG PictureS
Includes the following:  Non Sequitur Cartoon II (S663 in Supp2)
.........................If Google Was a Guy (Part 2) - Video (S896 in Supp2)
.........................South Park - Make Love, Not Warcraft - Cartoon (S894 - Sp2)
.........................Siri, iPhone's New Assistant (S869 in Supp2)
..............................Why Are Fire Trucks Red? (S883 in Supp2)
.........................A Wife E-Mails Her Husband (S859 in Supp2)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S667 in Supp2)
.........................Paper Is Not Dead - French Ad (S845 in Supp2)
.........................A Day Made Of Glass - Video (S814d in Supp2)
.........................Steve Jobs' 05 Stanford Commencement Speech-Video (S738-S2)
.........................Watson On Jeopardy: Day 3 - Video (S736 in Supp2)
.........................A Dying Granny (S758 in Supp2)
.........................Isaac Asimov Predicted The Internet - Video (S733 in Supp2)
.........................SNL - Your Mom on Facebook Skit - Video (S717 in Supp2)
.........................Google Maps' 360? Feature (S701 in Supp2)
.........................The Muppets Meet The Internet - Video (S683 in Supp2)
.........................15 Best Keyboard Shortcuts - Video (S675b in Supp2)
.........................What Are You Doing Today? (S670b in Supp2)
.........................Facebook On South Park - Video (S697b in Supp2)
.........................Walter Cronkite's Home/Office Of 2001 - Video (S839 in Sup2)
.........................13 Things Interneters Should Know (S144 in Supp2)
.........................What the Internet Is Doing To Our Brains - Video (S852-Sup2)
.........................Y-To-K (S116 in Supp2)
.........................I've Removed All Cookies - Cartoon (S905 in Supp2)
.........................Career Comparison (S106 in Supp2)
.........................
.........................Pickles Comic Strip (S939 in Supp)
.........................Family Of The Future - Video (S545 in Supp)
.........................The 10 Worst Website Names (S507c in Supp)
.........................Murphy's Laws Of Computing (S491 in Supp)
.........................How To Eliminate Pop-Up Ads (S491 in Supp)
.........................Why Computers Crash! By Dr. Seuss (S468 in Supp)
.........................Help Stop Spreading Viruses (S450 in Supp)
.........................Geek Poetry (S311b in Supp)
.........................Computer Problems (S447 in Supp)
.........................12 Steps For Leaving The Web (S423 in Supp)
.........................How Was I Born? (S413b in Supp)
.........................What Your Computer Does At Night - Video (S480b in Supp)
.........................The Total Idiot's Guide to Internet Success! (S380b in Supp)
.........................Generic Virus Alert (S325b in Supp)
.........................How Computers Work (S481 in Supp)
.........................Your Computer Could Be Killing You (S313b in Supp)
.........................Why You Forward Jokes (S305b in Supp)
.........................
.........................Tundra Comics (S1038)
.........................Connecting To AOL - Picture (S412b))
.........................Email Fraud (S219)
.........................Cleaning Your Computer (S218)
.........................The Start Of The Internet (S181, S388)
.........................4 Monkeys 'Posting No Evil' - 6 Photos (S896)
.........................Signs That You Are In The 21st Century (S169, S498b)
.........................Computer Gender? (S152, S609b)
.........................Computer Prayer (S139)
.........................The Computer Prayer II (S340b)
.........................Understanding Computer Jargon - Web Page
.........................CS Class (S122)
.........................Bill Gates Discusses Coke (S117)
.........................If Error Messages Were In Haiku (S114, S368)
.........................Technology For Country Folk (S108, S322b)
.........................Importance Of Correct E-Mail Addresses (S220b
                         Short Computer Jokes
..............................Touch The Mouse Pointer To His Nose - SWF (S760-Sup2)
..............................Screen Grab - Simon's Cat - Video (S848 in Supp2)
..............................Four Suicide Bombers (S826 in Supp2)
..............................Senior Citizen Texting Code (S814 in Supp2)
..............................A Running Man And The Cursor (S798 in Supp2)
..............................B.C. Comic Strip (776 in Supp2)
..............................Doonesbury Comic Strip (S706b in Supp2)
..............................Descartes' Famous Quote Updated (S705b in Supp2)
..............................Best Video Game Controller Yet (S689 in Supp2)
..............................Where Can I Find Chuck Norris (S684 in Supp2)
..............................Blonde Password - GIF (S688b in Supp2)
..............................Frank And Ernest Comic Strip (S682 in Supp2)
..............................Samsung's New Transparent Laptop (S677 in Supp2)
..............................I Know What You're Doing - PPS (S675b in Supp2)
..............................Family Lineage (S659b in Supp2)
..............................Non Sequitur Comic Strip (S651 in Supp2)
..............................Working It Out Cartoon (S642b in Supp2)
..............................Ballard Street Cartoon (S632c in Supp2)
..............................
..............................Mouse Pad For Men (S592c in Supp)
..............................E-Mail By Dave Barry (S324b in Supp)
..............................Clean You Monitor Screen (S577b in Supp)
..............................EMail Spam (S302b in Supp)
..............................The Connection Failed (S544b in Supp)
..............................Most Annoying Page On The Internet (S391b in Supp)
..............................The Danger Of Wi-Fi (S536c in Supp)
..............................Traveling NY to Paris (S535b in Supp)
..............................Are We Too Dependent On Computers? (S524c in Supp)
..............................How To Start Your Day w/Smile: (S391 in Supp)
..............................Clean Out Your Mailbox (S524c in Supp)
..............................The First Hard Drive (S523b in Supp)
..............................Computer Engineer Job Sign (S505b in Supp)
..............................Get Ready For Paper DVDs (S377 in Supp)
..............................Good Firewall Info (S368b in Supp)
..............................Nude Surfer (S483c in Supp)
..............................Broken Computer (S266b - in Supp)
..............................How The Internet Changed My Life (S489b in Supp)
..............................EMail Addresses on the Internet (S354 in Supp)
..............................CleanHouseSign - Cartoon (S397 in Supp)
..............................Tips On Housekeeping (S436 in Supp)
..............................What To Do With Your Old PC (S434 in Supp)
..............................Date My Computer - Cartoon (S434b in Supp)
..............................Recalibrate your mouse every so often (S349 in Supp)
..............................
..............................Old Couple Gets A Computer - Cartoon (S388b)
..............................ID Ten T Error (S274c, S763)
..............................Growth In Sales Of Wyse Computers (S271)
..............................Virtual Keyboard (S270)
..............................Exploding Computers (S261b)
..............................Technology For Country Folk II-Large Comic Strip (S216)
..............................Amish Virus (S223)
..............................Polish Virus (S186)
..............................Bobbit Virus (S186)
..............................Other Viruses Explained (S279b)
..............................Young Man Wanted To Be A Writer (S179)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Tundra Comics (S1038)
          Created by Chad Carpenter
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/tundracomics/
.........photos/a.380314578647558.97346.2263200
.........97380341/634419646570382/?type=3&theater
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Top
Subj:     Connecting To AOL (S412b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 12/13/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)

 You can view this silly animated GIF of an opening AOL
 screen by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Email Fraud (S219)
          From: RFSlick on 4/7/2001

  (See 'Urban Legend Exposed' and 'Cookies' in FACTS3)

  1. Big companies don't do business via chain letters and
     there are no computer programs that track how many times
     an e-mail is forwarded, let alone by whom. Bill Gates is
     not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a
     free vacation. There is no baby food company issuing
     class action checks.

  2. Proctor and Gamble is not part of a satanic cult or
     scheme, and its logo is not satanic.

  3. MTV will not give you backstage passes if you forward
     something to the most people.

  4. The Gap is not giving away free clothes.  You can relax;
     there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true."

  5. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans.  No one is
     waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of
     a friend swears it happened to their cousin.  If you are
     bent on believing the kidney theft ring stories, see:
     http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm
     And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has
     repeatedly issued requests for actual victims of organ
     thieves to come forward and tell their stories."  None
     have. That's "none" as in "zero."  Not even your
     friend's cousin.

  6. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe.
     And even if they do, we all have it.  And even if you
     don't, you can get a copy at:
     ?http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html
     Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies are
     that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.

  7. If the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain
     plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern
     seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would
     reach the public via an AOL chain letter?

  8. There is no "Good Times" virus.  In fact, you should
     never, ever, ever forward any email containing any
     virus warning unless you first confirm that an actual
     site of an actual company that actually deals with
     viruses. Try:
     http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/index.html
     And even then, don't forward it.  We don't care.  And
     you cannot get a virus from a flashing IM or email,
     you have to download it.... ya know, like, a FILE!

  9. There is no gang initiation plot to murder any motorist
     who flashes headlights at another car driving at night
     without lights.

 10. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th
     generation message from a friend, at least have the
     decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing
     everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months.
     (Think Cut and Paste) It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid
     of all the ">>>.." that begin each line either.  Besides,
     if it has gone around that many times we've probably
     already seen it.

 11. Craig Shergold (or Sherwood, or Sherman, etc.) in
     England is not dying of cancer or anything else at this
     time and would like everyone to stop sending him their
     business cards.  He apparently is no longer a "little
     boy" either.

 12. The "Make a Wish" foundation is a real organization
     doing fine work, but they have had to establish a
     special toll free hot line in response to the large
     number of Internet hoaxes using their good name and
     reputation.  It is distracting them from the important
     work they do.
     Also, the American Cancer Society does not give 3 cents
     for each person you forward e-mail to.  They ask for
     you to donate money, money, they don't give it, as if
     they could know how many e-mails you sent out...sheesh.

 13. If you are one of those insufferable people who forwards
     anything that "promises" something bad will happen if
     you "don't", then something bad will happen to you if I
     ever meet you in a dark alley.

 14. Women really are suffering in Afghanistan, but forwarding
     an e-mail won't help their cause in the least.  If you
     want to help, contact your local legislative represent-
     ative, or get in touch with Amnesty International or the
     Red Cross.

 15. As a general rule, e-mail "signatures" are easily faked
     and mean nothing to anyone with any power to do anything
     about whatever the competition is complaining about.

 16. KFC really does use real Chickens with feathers and beaks
     and feet. No, they really do.  Why did they change their
     name?  In this health conscious world, what was KFC's
     name?  Kentucky FRIED Chicken.  FRIED is not healthy.  So
     with the help of a focus group, they changed the name to
     KFC. It's short, doesn't offend dieters and it's easy to
     remember.

 17. Another thing, just because someone said in a message,
     four generations back, that "we checked it out and it's
     legit," does not actually make it true.

 PS: There is no bill pending before Congress that will allow
     long distance companies to charge you for using the
     Internet.  Bottom Line...composing e-mail or posting
     something on the Net is as easy as writing on the walls
     of a public rest room. Don't automatically believe it
     until it's proven false... ASSUME it's false, unless
     there is proof that it's true.

 Now copy, paste, and send this to everyone you know or the
 program I just put on your hard drive while you read this
 E-mail will open up your CD-ROM and reach out and slap you
 upside the head

Top
Subj:     Cleaning Your Computer (S218)
          From: RFSlick on 4/3/2001

 When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a
 local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the
 printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store
 charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be
 better off reading the printer's manual and trying the
 job himself.

 Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss
 know that you discourage business?"

 "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied
 sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let
 people try to fix things themselves first."

Top
Subj:     The Start Of The Internet (S181, S388)
          From: WSelwa ob 7/19/00

 (Also see 'The Origin Of The Internet' in COMPUTER2)

 A BIBLICAL STORY

 An old, bearded shepherd with a crooked staff, walks up to a
 stone pulpit and says...

 And, 'lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham
 Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.  And,
 Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
 Indeed, she was called Amazon Dot Com.  And, she said unto
 Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far, from town to
 town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving
 thy tent?"

 And, Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle
 bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"  And,
 Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in
 between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they
 will reply telling you which hath the best price.  And, the
 sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah's Pony
 Stable (UPS)."

 Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way
 with the drums.  And, Dot said, "There will be a lot of
 drumming in the land".  And, Abraham replied, "It is my most
 fervent wish that this be so".

 And, the drums rang out and were an immediate success.  Abraham
 sold all the goods he had at the top price without ever moving
 from his tent.  But, his success did arouse envy.  A man named
 Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was
 accused of insider trading.

 And, the young did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy
 horsefly to camel dung.  They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical
 Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

 And, 'lo the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and
 the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real
 riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates,
 who bought up every drum company in the land.  And, indeed did
 insist on making drums that would only work if you bought Brother
 Gates' drumsticks.

 And, Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being
 taken over by others".  And, as Abraham looked out over the Bay
 of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known as "eBay", he said, "We
 need a name of a service that reflects what we are".  And, Dot
 replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators". "Whoopie!"
 said Abraham.  "Nah, YAHOO," replied Dot Com.

Top
Subj:     4 Monkeys 'Posting No Evil' - 6 Photos (S896d)
          From: Laney Huda on Facebook
 Drawing removed from GainingAgeButLosingMind
.

.
Click
 to see six photos and drawings about four
monkeys hearing, seeing, speaking and doing no evil.
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Top
Subj:     Signs That You Are In The 21st Century (S169, S498b)
          From: rwtmpkns on 5/22/2001
      and From: RDOBRY on 8/7/2006

  I sent this list out a year ago, but the list below is a
  major improvement.

  1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
  2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your
     family of 3.
  3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time
     to eat.  He E-mails you back from his bedroom,
     "What's for dinner?"
  4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
  5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South
     Africa, but you haven't spoken with your next door
     neighbor yet this year.
  6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle
     soup to see if it contains Echinacea.
  7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of
     your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
  8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell
     phone to see if anyone is home.
 10. You buy a computer, and 6 months later it is out of
     date and now sells for half the price you paid.
 11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you
     didn't have the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is
     cause for panic, and you turn around to go get it.
 12. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make
     a purchase would be a hassle and takes planning.
 13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast
     food bags out of the back seat of your car.
 14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is
     that they do not have e-mail addresses.
 15. You consider 2nd-day air delivery painfully slow.
 16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
 17. Your idea of being organized is multicolored Post-it notes.
 18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
 19. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.
 20. You disconnect from the Internet and get an awful feeling,
     as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
 21. You get up in morning and go on-line before getting
     your coffee.
 22. You wake up at 2 am to go to the bathroom and check
     your E-mail on your way back to bed.
 23. Every commercial on television has a web-site address
     at the bottom of the screen.
 24. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.  :)
 25. You're reading this.
 26. Even worse: you're going to forward it to someone else.
 27. You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but
     you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
 28. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
 29. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't
     a #9 on this list.

 AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Top
Subj:     Computer Gender? (S152, S609b)
          From: RFSlick on 12/24/1999
      and From: tom on 9/6/2008

 (Also see 'Six Reasons Computers Must Be Female:' in COMPUTER1)

 A language instructor was explaining to her class that French
 nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically
 designated as masculine or feminine.  Things like "chalk" or
 "pencil," she described, would have a gender association
 although in English, these words were neutral.  Puzzled, one
 student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"
 The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the
 class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer
 should be masculine, or feminine. One group was composed of
 the women in the class, and the other, of men.  Both groups
 were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

 The group of women concluded that computers should be referred
 to in the masculine gender because:
 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
 2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but
    half the time they ARE the problem.
 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you
    had waited a little longer, you could have had a better
    model.

 The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should
 definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
 2. The native language they use to communicate with other
    computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term
    memory for later retrieval.
 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find
    yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Top
Subj:     Computer Prayer (S139)
          From: RFSlick on 09/27/1999

        Every evening
        As I'm laying here in bed
        This tiny little prayer
        Keeps running through my head

        God bless my mom and dad
        And bless my little pup
        And look out for my brother
        When things aren't looking up

        And God, there's one more thing
        I wish that you could do
        Hope you don't mind me asking
        But please bless my computer too?

        Now I know that's not normal
        To bless a mother board
        But just listen a second
        While I explain to you 'My Lord'

        You see, that little metal box
        Holds more to me than odds ? ends
        Inside those small compartments
        Rest a hundred of my 'BEST FRIENDS'

        Some it's true I've never seen
        And most I've never met
        We've never exchanged hugs
        Or shared a meal as yet....

        I know for sure they like me
        By the kindness that they give
        And this little scrap of metal
        Is how I travel to where they live

        By faith is how I know them
        Much the same as you
        I share in what life brings them
        From that our friendship grew

        "PLEASE" Take an extra minute
        From your duties up above
        To bless this scrap of metal
        That's filled with so much love!

Top
Subj:     The Computer Prayer II (S340b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 7/29/2003

 Our Morning Prayer . . .

 Our Hard Drive
 Which art internal
 Volume C by name;
 Thy code be clean,
 Thy fonts be seen
 On screen as they are on paper.
 Give us this day our documents,
 And lead us not into fragmentation
 But deliver us our data.
 For thine is the SCSI,
 And the EISA, and the NuBus,
 Forever and Ever,

 Amen.

Top
Subj:     Understanding Computer Jargon
          From: ICohen on 6/29/99
Drawing from Flickr.com

 This joke is large enough that it needs to be a
 seperate file.  Click 'HERE' to view it.

Top
Subj:     CS Class (S122)
          From: ossama on 5/9/99

 For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone,
 and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into
 the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our
 computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and
 started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She
 called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed,
 nothing would happen.

 The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my
 monitor and quaking red-faced. I started to type, "Leave me alone!"
 They both jumped back, silenced. "Whaa??" the teacher blubbered.

 Then I typed, "I said leave me alone!" The kid got really upset. "I
 didn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all I could do to keep
 from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000
 went on for an amazing five minutes.

 Me: "Don't touch me!"

 Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."

 Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc.

 Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my
 chair laughing. After they had realized what I had done, they both
 turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

Top
Subj:     Bill Gates Discusses Coke (S117)
          From: smiles on 4/29/99

 After the recent Anti-trust hearings, Bill Gates recently
 compared the software market with the soft drink market.
 He says Microsoft is struggling to survive but that the
 beverage giant will be on top forever because the Department
 of Justice doesn't pick on them.  Of course, Bill should be
 careful not to give Coke any ideas.  We might end up with a
 scenario like the following:

 Joe: (walking into McDonalds) Hi, I'd like a Big Mac.

 Cashier: Okay, here's your Big Mac and here's your Coke.
 That'll be $3.99.

 Joe: Uh, I don't want a Coke.

 Cashier: Sorry, they're bundled.

 Joe: What? I'm not paying for a Coke!

 Cashier: You don't; the Coke is free.

 Joe: But wasn't a Big Mac $2.49 last week?

 Cashier: Sure, but this latest Big Mac is far more
 innovative.  It's got integrated Coke!

 Joe: I already bought a Snapple across the street...
 I'm not going to drink the Coke.

 Cashier: Then you can't have the burger.

 Joe: Okay, fine, I will pay the $3.99 and throw the Coke away.

 Cashier: Oh, you can't do that.  They're seamlessly
 integrated.  Totally inseparable.

 Joe: How can that be? They're two totally separate things!

 Cashier: No, watch.  (takes Big Mac, dunks it in a tank
 of Coke) See?

 Joe: Why did you just do that?!

 Cashier: It's a benefit to the consumer.  Otherwise you'd
 end up with two different, inconsistent tastes.  This way
 you're assured of a continuous taste across all your foods.

Top
Subj:     If Error Messages Were In Haiku (S114, S368)
          From: Tom_Adams on 4/8/99
      and From: Imogenelumen on 2/12/2004

 (See 'Computer Haiku' in POETEY)

 Sony has announced its own computer operating system now
 available on its hot new palmtop PC called the Vaio. Instead
 of producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of
 Microsoft's Windows 98, 95, 3.1, and DOS operating systems,
 Sony's chairman Asai Tawara said, "We intend to capture the
 high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has
 been - until now - an operating system that reflects Western
 cultural hegemony. For example, we have replaced the
 impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our
 own Japanese haiku poetry."

 In haiku poetry, each with only 17 syllables: five in the
 first line, seven in the second, five in the third.

 Some examples of the new HAIKU error messages:
 

 Yesterday it worked.

 Today it is not working.

 Windows is like that.
                                 Your file was so big.

                                 It might be very useful.

                                 But now it is gone.
 
 

     The website you seek

     Cannot be located, but

     Countless more exist.
 

                                 Chaos reigns within.

                                 Reflect, repent and reboot.

                                 Order shall return.
 

 Aborted effort.

 Close all that you have worked on.

 You ask far too much.
 

             Windows NT crashed.

             I am the Blue Screen of Death.

             No one hears your screams.
 

                                 Stay the patient course.

                                 Of little worth is your ire.

                                 The network is down.

     A crash reduces

     Your expensive computer

     To a simple stone.
 

                     You step in the stream,

                     But the water has moved on.

                     This page is not here.
 

         Out of memory.

         We wish to hold the whole sky,

         But we never will.
 

                                  Having been erased,

                                  The document you're seeking

                                  Must now be retyped.

 Three things are certain:

 Death, taxes and lost data.

 Guess which has occurred?

Top
Subj:     Technology For Country Folk (S108, S322b)
          From: auntieg on 99-02-11
      and From: christyhenning on 3/26/2003

 (See the graphics version in COMPUTERS2 file)

Top
Subj:     The Importance Of Correct E-Mail Addresses (S220b)
          From: KMACINTY on 2/7/2001

          Moved to 'Man E-Mails His Wife' in Computers3


Subj:     Short Computer Jokes

Top
Subj:     Old Couple Gets A Computer-Cartoon (S388b)
          From: Imogenelumen on 7/2/2004
 

Top
Subj:     ID Ten T Error (S274c, S763)
          From: tom on 3/11/2009
      and From: sam.hutkins on 8/19/2011
 Young Judy was having trouble with her computer, so she
 called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk.  Tony
 clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.  As he
 was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was
 wrong?"

 He replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."

 A puzzled expression came over Judy's face. "An ID Ten
 T Error?

 What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

 Tony gave her a grin. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID
 Ten T Error before?"

 "No," replied Judy.

 "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

 She wrote... I D 1 0 T.

Top
Subj:     Growth In Sales Of Wyse Computers (S271)
          From: jerry on 4/10/2002
 Why marketing people must be forced to take math courses.
 Bonehead award three.

 Stephen Yeo, marketing director at PC terminal
 manufacturer Wyse, explaining his company's growth
 strategy: "We've been doubling sales every 18 months.
 However, when you start from zero, it takes a long time."

 Indeed it does.  Seems like forever.

 New Scientist
 

Top
Subj:     Virtual Keyboard (S270)
          From: jerry on 3/26/2002
 Want to see something that is way cool?

 A virtual keyboard was unveiled by Siemens at the
 CeBIT computer fair in Hanover, Germany.  The device,
 manufactured by VKB Inc., a company in Israel, uses
 a projector to display an image of a keyboard on a
 flat surface and detects user interaction with the
 surface so, voila, you have a virtual keyboard.  It
 also simulates a mouse pad.

 It's perfect for mobile phones, laptops, PDAs or even
 sterile medical environments.

 The article has a must-see picture.

 Ananova 19-Mar-02
 

Top
Subj:     Exploding Computers (S261b)
          From: jerry on 1/30/2002
 A Wellington, New Zealand, city councilor will probably
 keep his computer behind a brick wall when he uses it
 ever since the CD ROM exploded out of the family computer,
 flying more than 6 feet (2 meters) across the room.

 "It sounded just like a .22 (rifle).  The front of the CD
 drive blew out and the CD came out after it."

 Turns out that excessive vibrations caused by minute
 cracks and heat in a CD, turning at 48x (7,200 kps) can
 cause such an explosion.

 The Evening Post (New Zealand) via Stuff.co.nz 28-Jan-02
 

Top
 
Subj:     Technology For Country Folk II(S362b)
..........From: Imogenelumen on 1/3/2004
 This is a 265 cute country explanation of computers.
 You can see the picture by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Amish Virus (S223)
          From: KMACINTY on 5/8/2001
 You have just received the Amish virus.  Since we have no
 electricity or computers, you are on the honor system.
 Please delete all of the files on your hard drive.
 Then forward this message to everyone in your address book.

 Thank thee.

Top
Subj:     Polish Virus (S186)
         From: KMACINTY on 08/24/2000
 You have just received the "Polish Virus"!!!  As we don't
 have any programming experience, this virus works on the
 honor system.  Please delete all the files on your hard
 drive, then manually forward this virus to everyone on
 your mailing list.  Thanks for your cooperation.

Top
Subj:     Bobbit Virus (S186)
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-12
 Have you heard there is a new computer virus going around.
 It is called the Bobbit virus.  It turns your hard drive
 into a floppy drive.
 

Top
Subj:     Other Viruses Explained (S279b)
          From: JBCARY1 on 6/2/2002
 CLINTON VIRUS
 Gives you a 7 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.

 VIAGRA VIRUS
 Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

 LEWINSKY VIRUS
 Sucks all of the memory out of your computer,
 then emails everyone about what it did.

 RONALD REGAN VIRUS
 Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

 MIKE TYSON VIRUS
 Quits after two bytes.

 OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
 Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB,
 then slowly expands to 200 MB.

 DR. JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS
 Deletes old files.

 ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS
 Disks can no longer be inserted.

 TITANIC VIRUS (A strain of the Lewinsky Virus)
 Your whole computer goes down.

 DISNEY VIRUS
 Everything in your computer goes Goofy.

 PROZAC VIRUS
 Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

 JOEY BUTTAFUCO VIRUS
 Only attacks minor files.

 ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
 Terminates some files, leaves, but IT WILL BE BAAAACK.

 LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS
 Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy,
 then discards it through Windows.
 

Top
Subj:     Young Man Wanted To Be A Writer (S179)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 7/7/00
 There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his
 desire to become a great writer.  When asked to define great,
 he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will
 read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
 level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain
 and anger!"

 He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
 

 Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer
 wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it
 could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.

 The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.

 The "save" icon on Microsoft Word shows a floppy disk,
 with the shutter on backwards.

 Law of Cybernetic Entomology
 There is always one more bug.

 Weinberg's Second Law
 If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote
 programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would
 have destroyed civilization.

From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-12
 "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any
 invention in human history with the possible exceptions
 of handguns and tequila."
       Mitch Ratliffe, _Technology Review_ April, 1992

From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
 Applying computer technology is simply finding the right
 wrench to pound in the correct screw.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #4 on 98-01-04
 Men are like computers...
 hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
 Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?

From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
 Mental backup in progress -Do Not Disturb!

From: RFSlick on 98-08-25
 On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the
 escape key.

From: auntieg on 98-11-14
 Old programmers never die. They just terminate and
 stay resident.

From: RFSlick on 98-12-09 (S218)
and From: JBCARY1 on 4/5/2001
 I often wonder: What do people mean when they say
 the computer went down on me?  -- Marilyn Pittman

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #284 on 99-02-06 (S106)
 I have a computer, a vibrator, ? pizza delivery.
 Why should I leave the house?

From: RFSlick on 3/10/2001 (S215)
 My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what
 she's reading."  -- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

From: wselwa on 8/14/2001 (S237)
 "Net boy, Net girl, send your impulse 'round the world,
  put your message in a modem, and throw it in the cyber sea".
  Virtuality - Rush

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/13/2002 (S263)
 Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
 teach him to use the Internet and he won't
 bother you for weeks. -- Anonymous

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...........................From Smiley_Central
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