(Includes 16 jokes and articles, 10991,12,cf,md4w,9)
Drinking Woman from
Robin Williams On Alcoholics (S846d)
From: YouTube.com on 3/31/2013
Photo from YouTube.com
This is a HBO Comedy special
titled Weapons of Self
Destruction. In this special taped at DAR Constitution
Hall in 2009, Robin covers such topics global warming,
sex and politics, the state of health care in the
country, drugs, and more personal topics including alcoholism.
In this five minute routine,
Robin Williams jokes about
alcoholics and alcoholism from his personal experiences.
Click on the top source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to listen
to Robin joke about his own addiction.
Subj: Drinking And Driving (S798)
From: redcatt on 4/24/2012
I would like to share an experience
with you about drinking
and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known
to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home
from the odd social session over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was
out for a few drinks with
some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many
beers and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well I
may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've
never done before: I took a bus home.
Sure enough I passed a police
road block but as it was a
bus, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without
incident which was a real
surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not
sure where I got it.
Drinking Booze From The Bottle (S911d)
From: Spencer Wong on Facebook
Click on the above source, or
for my copy, to see this
ballet like animation of how to drink booze from the bottle.
Subj: How To Clean With Vodka: (S520b)
From: gordonschuk on 1/7/2007
DID YOU KNOW THIS ABOUT Vodka
1. To remove a bandage painlessly,
saturate the bandage with
vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around
bathtubs and showers, fill a
trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let
set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the
vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses,
simply wipe the lenses with a
soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in
the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors
by filling a cup with vodka
and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol
after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains,
scrub with a brush, then
6. Using a cotton ball, apply
vodka to your face as an
astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a
12-ounce bottle of shampoo.
The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair,
and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray
bottle and spray bees
or wasps to kill them.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and
one-half cup water in a
Ziplock freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable
ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar
with freshly packed
lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid
tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid
through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth
to rub vodka on your
chest and back as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected
with poison ivy to remove
the oil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching
tooth. Allow your
gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.
16. NEVER DRINK THE STUFF - IT'LL KILL YOU!!
Spiral Wine Cellar In The Kitchen (S720)
on 10/26/2010 (in Food-Supp)
The Spiral Cellar system was
developed in 1978 by a Frenchman
who saw that few modern houses had wine cellars, but that
people still needed a place to store their wine. If a wine-
lover has a serious collection it can quickly outgrow wine
racks and refrigerator units. So he came up with the Spiral
Cellar design, which uses the earth to insulate and create
good storage conditions. It does this, however, in a fraction
of the space of a regular cellar. It also can maintain a
constant temperature with no power required.
A spiral cellar is dug into the
floor by a professional team,
and the cellar storage itself is created from concrete wrapped
in a watertight lining. Passive ventilation keeps the temper-
ature around 55°, an ideal temperature for wine storage. There
are several sizes, holding from 1000-1600 bottles.
Of course, this is one indulgence
for wealthy or well-off wine
drinkers only. The Spiral Cellar purchase and installation
runs at least $30,000. Click 'HERE' to see and read more
about wine cellars in the kitchen.
Subj: Seeing The Ex-Wife Drink (S502b)
From: darrell94590 on 8/31/2006
A man and his wife are dining
at a table in a plush Restaurant
and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her
gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's
my ex-wife. She took to
drinking right after we divorced 7 years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" said the wife.
"Who would think a person could go
on celebrating that long?"
Party In The Stomach (S575d)
Comedy Routine by Jim Breuer
From: tom on 1/17/2008
Jim Breuer describes a thing
we all have had once or twice.
Click 'HERE' to view this very good comedy routine.
Subj: Quotes On Drinking - Thoughts on Beer (S41, S533b)
From: JCary on 08/25/2000
and From: AFine963 on 4/3/2007
Sometimes when I reflect back
on all the beer I drank I
feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about
the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.
If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and
their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It
is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come
true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-- by Jack Handy
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
I feel sorry for people who don't
drink. When they wake up in
the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
-- Frank Sinatra
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking
than most people.
When I read about the evils of
drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Henny Youngman
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in
a case. Coincidence?
The consumption of alcohol may cause you
to think you can sing.
When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
-- Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy!
Beer is proof that God loves
us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like a retard.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a
fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well
with pizza. -- Dave Barry
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell
your friends over and over again that you love them.
with the world is that everyone is a few
drinks behind. -- Humphrey Bogart
The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.
Time is never wasted when you're
wasted all the time.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
Beauty lies in the hands of the
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder . . .
Work is the curse of the drinking
Life is a waste of time, time
is a waste of life, so get
wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
I'd rather have a bottle in front
of me, than a frontal
lobotomy. --Tom Waits
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore
Beer: Nature's laxative.
From: humorlist-digest V1 #236 on 97-10-30
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an
airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team,
or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-- Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken
more out of alcohol than
alcohol has taken out of me. -- Winston Churchill
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/7/2005 (S437b
"Most people hate the taste of beer to begin with. It is,
however, a prejudice that many people have been able to
overcome." -- Winston Churchill
Sir, if you were my husband,
I would poison your drink.
-- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
-- His reply
He was a wise man who invented beer. -- Plato
A woman drove me to drink and
I didn't even have the decency
to thank her. -- W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has
stolen the cork to my lunch?"
-- W.C. Fields
If you ever reach total enlightenment
while drinking beer,
I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
-- Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Not all chemicals are bad. Without
chemicals such as hydrogen
and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water,
a vital ingredient in beer. -- Dave Barry
Why is American beer served cold?
So you can tell it from
urine. -- David Moulton
People who drink light "beer"
don't like the taste of beer;
they just like to pee a lot. -- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Give me a woman who loves beer
and I will conquer the world.
-- Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this
room for a drop of sweet beer.
-- Homer Simpson
I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
They who drink beer will think beer. -- Washington Irving
An intelligent man is sometimes
forced to be drunk to spend time
with his fools. -- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
You're not drunk if you can lie
on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin
All right, brain, I don't like
you and you don't like me - so
let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
-- Homer Simpson
The problem with some people
is that when they aren't drunk,
they're sober. -- William Butler Yeats
Always do sober what you said
you'd do drunk. That will teach
you to keep your mouth shut. -- Ernest Hemingway
Time is never wasted when you're
wasted all the time.
-- Catherine Zandonella
If God had intended us to drink
beer, He would have given
us stomachs. -- David Daye
From: cohen on 98-01-28
Work is the curse of the drinking class. -- Oscar Wilde
Gin and I would like to announce
-- Mystery Science Theater quip
From: RFSlick on 99-02-05 (S106)
Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding!
From: icohen on 01/21/2000
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.
No animal ever invented anything
as bad as drunkenness
or as good as drink. -- G.K. Chesterton
Abstainer: a weak person who
yields to the temptation of
denying himself a pleasure. -- Ambrose Bierce
Alcohol may cause a few of the
worlds' problems, but in the
end it solves them all. -- Homer Simpson
Subj: Short Drinking Jokes
1919 Anti-Drinking Photograph/Poster (S767)
From: AFine963 on 9/25/2011
Drawing from 123RF.com...
A Drinking Problem (S482c)
Subj: How Tequila Works (S632b)
From: darrellvip on 2/12/2009
Alcohol Is Bad For The Legs (S575b)
Drinking Idiot (S537c)
Subj: Drinking Water Vs Drinking Booz (S530c)
From: edapsmas on 3/15/2007
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter
of water each day, at the end of the year we would have
absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria
found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo
However, we do not run that risk
when drinking wine (or
rum, whiskey, Vodka, beer or other liquors) because
alcohol has to go through a distillation process of
boiling, filtering, and fermenting.
It is better to drink wine and
talk shit - than to drink
water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me
for this valuable information.
I am doing it as a public service.
Police Stop A DUI (S501d in Police-Supp)
Subj: I'm A Drunk - Bumper Sticker (S497)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/26/2006
|Subj: 13 Reason's Not
To Drink w/Your "Friends"
on 7/20/2006 (S495)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 3/8/2007
"Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about
things, and small people talk about wine." -- Fran Lebowitz
.............................From Stormfront Community