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>>>
Subj: Drinking Beer2 Jokes
          (Includes 45 jokes and articles, 14 1001,15,cf,md4vYT,13)
 

      Click "Here" for Drinking_Beer-Supp


Drunk With Beer
from
Joseph's Free Stuff
Includes the following:  Bud Light Clothing Drive 2010 - Video (S682 in Supp)
.........................Three Small Bud Light Ads - Video (S270b in Supp)
.........................Bud Light Frisbee - Video (S669b in Supp)
.........................Bud Light Breathing Fire Commercial (S669 in Supp)
.........................Birra Moretti Zero Commercial - Video (S668 in Supp)
.........................Brahma Beer Commercial - Video (S663 in Supp)
.........................Robo Bash - Video (S654 in Supp)
.........................Molson Canadian Beer Ad (S639 in Supp)
.........................Critical Thinking At Its Best! (S875 in Supp)
.........................Tuborg Beer Commercial (S638 in Supp)
.........................Bud Light And Fergus The Dog - Video (S637c in Supp)
.........................Bud Light And The Tool Box - Video (S635 in Supp)
.........................Bud Light And The Farmer's Daughter - Video (S630 in Supp)
.........................Bud Light And The Chimpanzee - Video (S630 in Supp)
.........................Bud Light And The French Maid - Video (S630 in Supp)
.........................How Aliens Fish - Video (S629b in Supp)
.........................Yellow Snow - Video (S613c in Supp)
.........................Bud Light Commercial #5 (S596c in Supp)
.........................7 Year Old's Reasons To Like Beer (S601b in Supp)
.........................Walk In Fridge Commercial - Video (S626 in Supp)
.........................Bud Light And The Porn - Video (S635 in Supp)
.........................Aussie Beer Commercial - Video (S650 in Supp)
.........................3D Sapporo Beer Ad (S738 in Supp)
.........................How Beer Works (S609 in Supp)
.........................Beer Troubleshooting Flow Chart (S134 in Supp)
.........................
.........................Helium Beer Test (S1001)
.........................Bud Light Commercial #1 (S511c)
.........................Norm Peterson, from the TV show Cheers! (S35, S863)
.........................Bud Light Commercial #2 (S511c)
.........................How Budweiser Handled 9/11 (S351b)
.........................Bud Light Commercial #3 (S500b)
.........................FDA Warnings (S104, S499b)
.........................Bud Light Commercial #4 (S500b)
.........................Beer Cartoon (S459)
.........................Bud Light Sleighride (S521)
.........................BEER vs. CUCUMBERS! (S410b)
.........................Bud Light Institute (S578)
.........................Truth About Drinking Beer (Cheers) (S195, S863)
........................."The Beer Prayer" (S69, S379b)
.........................Why A Beer Is Better Than A Woman (S28)
.........................Do Re Mi Drink, by Homer J. Simpson.
.........................Short Beer Jokes
..............................10 Beer Facts (S803 in Supp)
..............................What Your Beer Says About Your Politics (S871-Supp)
..............................Australian Tooheys Beer Commercial - Video (S682-Supp)
..............................Kramer Drinks Beer While Smoking - Video (S676b in Sup)
..............................Why Do Geishas Walk With Such Tiny Steps?-Vid(S675-Sup)
..............................Why Men Put Beer On The Bottom Shelf - PPS (S654b-Supp)
..............................Do Beer, Not Drugs - Video (S650 in Supp)
..............................XXXX Gold Retreat On Tour (S615c in Supp)
..............................Opening A Beer With A Chainsaw (S801 in Supp)
..............................
..............................The Beer Store (S502c)
..............................Man Orders A Bush Beer (S335b)
..............................Graphic Road Accident (S486)
..............................Unsafe Water At Fraternity House (S329b)
..............................New T-Shirt Logo (S485c)
..............................Mind Your P's And Q's (S300b)
..............................Amazing Bar Maid (S465)
..............................Opening Beer Bottles w/Your B-Button (S292b)
..............................The Beer Quiz (S436, S864)
..............................Nortel vs. Budweiser (S243, S579b)
..............................Beer Poster (S448)
..............................Orkney Beer From Cow Poop (S240b)
..............................The Things We Do For Our Beer Man.. (S120)
..............................Beer Contains Female Genes (S14, S577b)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Helium Beer Test (S1001)
          From: kgilmour2000 on 3/14/2016
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/3V9QHBgrPNY
 Source2: http://www.snopes.com/helium-beer/
.
.......
.
.......Click 'HERE' to see this very funny fake beer test.
.
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Top
Subj:     Bud Light Commercial #1 (S511c,d)
          From: drgolfmd on 10/18/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/tvQ-01G82Dg

 You can view this cute, short commercial about adult
 magazines by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Norm Peterson, from the TV show Cheers! (S35, S863)
          From: ipkis on 97-08-07
          (See 'Cliff-ese Riddles' in RIDDLE-SUPP2)

 "Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?"
 "Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?"

 "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
 "Another layer for the winter, Wood."

 "Whatcha up to Norm?"
 "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

 "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
 "Poor."
 "I'm sorry to hear that."
 "No, I mean pour."

 "How's life treating you, Norm?"
 "Like it caught me sleeping with its' wife."

 "Women.  Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts."

 "What's going down, Normie?"
 "My butt cheeks on that bar stool"

 "How's life in the fast lane?"
 "Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."

 "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson."
 "Alright, but stop me at one.... make that one-thirty."

 "How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
 "It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing
  Milk-Bone underwear!"

 "What's the story, Norm?"
 "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

 "How about a beer, Norm?"
 "That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good
  things about it!"

 "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
 "The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer
  please, Woody."

 "What's up, Normie?"
 "My nipples, it's freezing out there."

 "Can I draw you a beer, Norm?"
 "No, I know what they look like.  Just pour me one."

 "How about a beer, Norm?"
 "Hey I'm high on life, Coach.  Of course, beer is my life."

 "How's a beer sound, Norm?"
 "I dunno.  I usually finish them before they get a word in."

 "What's up, Norm?"
 "Corners of my mouth, Coach."

 "What's shaking, Norm?"
 "All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach."

 "Beer, Normie?"
 "Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week.  Eh, why not,
  I'm still young."

 "Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?"
 "With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe."

 "What's up, Normie?"
 "The temperature under my collar, Coach."

 "What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?"
 "Going down."

 "What's up, Norm?"
 "Everything that's supposed to be."

 "What's new, Normie?"
 "Terrorists, Sam.  They've taken over my stomach.
  They're demanding beer."

 "What'll it be, Normie?"
 "Just the usual Coach.  I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel."

 "What would you say to a beer, Normie?"
 "Daddy wuvs you."

 "What'd you like, Normie?"
 "A reason to live.  Gimme another beer."

 "What will you have, Norm?"
 "Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy.
  I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap."
 "Oh, looks like beer, Norm."
 "Call me Mister Lucky."

 "What do you say, Norm?"
 "Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer."

 "What do you say to a beer, Normie?"
 "Hiya, sailor.  New in town."

 "Whaddya say, Norm?"
 "Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink.  And down it goes."

 "What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?"
 "Boxer shorts and loose shoes.  But I'll settle for a beer."

 "Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
 "Like a baby treats a diaper."

 "Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson
 "No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass."

 "How's life treating you?"
 "It's not, Sammy, but you can!"

 "Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?"
 "A little early, isn't it Woody?"
 "For a beer?"
 "No, for stupid questions."

 "What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
 "The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.  Let's cut
  to the happy ending."

 "Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
 "I know, and if she calls, I'm not here."

 "Beer, Norm?"
 "Have I gotten that predictable?  Good."

 "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
 "A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here."

Top
Subj:     Bud Light Commercial #2 - Bad Dog (S511c,d)
          From: drgolfmd on 10/18/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/KMS-1LgkIAk

 You can view this very short commercial about a dog and
 a sandwick by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     How Budweiser Handled 9/11 (S351b)
          From: Imogenelumen on 10/17/2003

 The following story is an Urban Legend
 (see http://www.snopes.com/rumors/bud.htm)
 I liked the story so I'll still forward it.

 On September 11th, a Budweiser employee was making a delivery
 to a convenience store in a California town named McFarland.
 He knew of the tragedy that had occurred in New York and when
 he entered the business he found the two Arabs, who owned the
 business, whooping and hollering to show their approval and
 support of this treacherous attack.

 The Budweiser employee went to his truck, called his boss and
 told him of the very upsetting event!  He didn't feel he could
 be in that store with those horrible people.  His boss asked
 him, "Do you think you could go in there long enough to pull
 every Budweiser product and item our beverage company sells
 there?  We'll never deliver to them again."  The employee
 walked in, proceeded to pull every single product his beverage
 company provided and left with an incredible grin on his face.
 He told them never to bother to call for a delivery again
 Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice for that community.
 Just letting you know how Kern County handled this situation.

 And now the rest of the story:  It seems that the Bud driver
 and the Pepsi man are neighbors.  Bud called Pepsi and told
 him. Pepsi called his boss, who told him to pull all Pepsi
 products as well!!  That would include Frito Lay,etc. Further-
 more, word spread and all vendors followed suit!  At last
 report, the store was closed indefinitely.  Good old American
 Passive-Aggressive BUTT Whoopin'!

Top
Subj:     Bud Light Commercial #3 (S500b,d)
          From: auntiegah on 8/16/2006
 (See 'Parrots - Whassup Movie' in Parrots)

 A Bud Light drinker gets sun burned at the beach.  It
 is good to see American commercials are becoming more
 entertaining.  You can view this cute, short commercial
 on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     FDA Warnings (S104, S499b)
          From: jcary on 99-01-18
      and From: samhutkins on 8/13/2006

 The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and
 alcohol packaging, such as:

  1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you
              are whispering when you are not.

  2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
              dancing like an asshole.

  3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell
              the same boring story over and over again until
              your friends want to CRACK YOUR FUCKING HEAD OPEN.

  4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to
              thay shings like thish.

  5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
              that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone
              them at 4 in the morning.

  6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
              what the hell happened to your pants.

  7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll
              over in the morning and see something really scary
              (whose species and or name you can't remember).

  8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
              inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

  9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
              that you are tougher, more handsome and smarter
              than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

 10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
              you are invisible.

 11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
              people are laughing WITH you.

 12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the
              time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes
              large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

 13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

Top
Subj:     Bud Light Commercial #4 (S500b,d)
          From: auntiegah on 8/16/2006
 Two swimmers go skinny dipping in this thirty-six second
 ad.  You can view this cute, short commercial on my web
 site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Beer Cartoon (S459)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/9/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
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Top
Subj:     Bud Light Sleighride (S521d)
          From: gordonschuk
          on 1/13/07
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTbPd7c6rSg

 A romantic sleighride and cold Bud Light.  What could ruin
 such a lovely evening. This is another cute Bud commercial.
 You can view it at the above source, or on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     BEER vs. CUCUMBERS! (S410b)
          From: JokesUncut on 11/26/2004

 We've heard all the reasons why Beer is Better than Women,
 and why Cucumbers are Better than Men. Its about time we had

 Reasons Why Beer is Better than Cucumbers
 ------

 You can't get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat.

 Beer bottles don't get sprayed with pesticides

 Beer bottles don't shrivel up and grow mouldy if you leave
 them in the fridge for a month.

 Beer is always in season.

 Beer removes unsightly flab and wrinkles (on the person
 you're looking at, if you drink enough of it :-)

 Eating cucumbers to forget doesn't work.
 

 Reasons Why Cucumbers are Better than Beer
 -------

 Cucumbers won't give you a hangover.

 Cucumbers have fewer calories.

 Your wife won't complain about you sitting around all day
 watching TV and eating cucumbers.

 You can grow your own cucumbers without buying lots of equipment.

 Your wife won't complain that your breath stinks of cucumbers.

 You can eat as many cucumbers as you like, and drive home later.

 You can open a cucumber using only your teeth.

 Having your face slashed with a cucumber doesn't hurt (much).

 You can eat the whole cucumber, skin 'n' all.

 A cucumber won't shatter if you drop it on the ground.

 You can shake up a cucumber, and it won't explode when you bite it.

 You don't have to worry about getting cucumber stains
 on your clothes.

 [The cucumbers seem to take it on numbers. So why do I prefer beer?]

Top
Subj:     Bud Light Institute (S578d) 
          From: sfo_pilot on 2/11/2008
 This Bud Light commercial explains who invented many of
 America's activities for women.  Click 'HERE' to see it.

Top
Subj:     Truth About Drinking Beer (S195, S863)
          From: ICohen on 10/23/2000

 Cheers "Wisdom"

 THE TRUTH ABOUT DRINKING BEER> ..the  "smartest" thing Cliff
 EVER said on Cheers!  One afternoon at Cheers,  Cliff Clavin
 was explaining the buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.  And
 here's how it went: "Well ya see Norm, it's like this....A
 herd of  buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
 And when the  herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest
 ones at the back that are killed first.  This natural selection
 is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
 health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
 killing of the weakest members.  In much the  same way, the
 human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
 Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells,
 but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
 first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
 weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
 machine.  That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Top
Subj:     "The Beer Prayer" (S69, S379b)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #250 on 98-05-29
      and From: INDEX OF EZINES4ALL.COM on May 6,2004
 

Top
Subj:     Why A Beer Is Better Than A Woman (S28)
          From: Yzmir's HUMOR LISTS Updated 5/22/1997

 You can enjoy a beer all month.
 Beer stains wash out.
 You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
 Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.
 When beer goes flat you toss it out.
 Beer is never late.
 HANGOVERS go away.
 A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
 Beer labels come off without a fight.
 When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
 Beer never has a headache.
 After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
 A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
 If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
 You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
 A beer ALWAYS goes down easy.
 You can share a beer with your friends.
 You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
 A beer is always wet.
 Beer doesn't demand equality.
 A beer doesn't care when you come.
 You can have a beer in public.
 A frigid beer is a good beer.
 You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
 Beer always comes in multiples of six.
 Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
 You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer.
 After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than
    dumping the empty bottle.
 A beer never costs you more than five dollars and
    never leaves you thirsty.
 When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
 You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
 Beer looks the same in the morning.
 Beer doesn't look you up in a month.
 Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.
 Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.
 Beer doesn't get cramps.
 Beer doesn't have a mother.
 Beer doesn't have morals.
 Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
 Beer always listens and never argues.
 Beer labels don't go out of style every year.
 Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
 Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
 Beer doesn't demand legality.
 Beer is never overweight.
 If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
 Beer won't run off with your credit cards.
 Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
 Beer doesn't need much closet space.
 Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
 Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.
 Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
 Beer never changes its mind.
 Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
 Beer never asks you to change the station.
 Beer doesn't make you go shopping.
 Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
 Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
 Beer is always easy to pick up.
 Big, fat beers are nice to have.
 Beer doesn't pout or play games.
 Beer NEVER says no.
 Beer is easy to get into.
 Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
 Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers.
 Beer doesn't wear a bra.
 Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.
 Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.
 Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
 Beer doesn't live with its mother.
 Beer doesn't blow you off.
 Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
 Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
 Beer doesn't mind football season.
 A beer won't make you go to church.
 A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor"
    than a woman.
 A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because
    the guys spit.
 A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
 A beer doesn't give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other
    beers around.
 A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin
    commercials with the babies are "cute".
 If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda
    good for a while.
 A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman"
     instead of "doberperson".
 A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours
    of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.
 A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
 A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like
    leaving the toilet seat up.
 If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around
    a beer, it won't think you're talking about an enormous
    can of vegetable juice.
 A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
 A beer won't smoke in your car.
 A beer won't argue that there's no difference between
    shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone
    and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
 A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
 A beer will actually *support* belching and farting and
    share your enthusiasm for getting them included as
    demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
 A beer is always ready to leave on time.
 A beer never fishes for compliments.
 Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
 Beer tastes *good*.
 If you take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it
    but then decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse
    you of "date rape".
 A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watching
    "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR.
 An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
 A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when
    you go to the grocery store.
 A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read
    Penthouse "just for the articles". (You *are* lying,
    but the beer won't accuse you of it.
 A beer won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape
    a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of
    the National Football League.
 A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas
    with the excuse: "But I saved a quarter!"
 A beer will *never* make you go to a Swedish movie.
 A beer will *never* make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater"
    on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
 A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say
    "Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson".
 A beer won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian
    meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.
 When you're through with a beer, the thought of another
    beer doesn't make you ill.

Top
Subj:     Do Re Mi Drink, by Homer J. Simpson.
          From: auntieg on 97-10-01

 Ahh..the lovely taste of beer.

 DO RE MI DRINK, by Homer J. Simpson.
     |          |
     |          |      *ahem* La la la la.... *ahem* LAAAAAAA!!

 DO...... the stuff... that buys me beer...
 RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
 ME...... the one... who drinks the beer,
 FAR..... a long way to get beer...
 SO...... I'll have another beer...
     |  LA...... I'll have another beer...
     |  TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...
     |  That will bring us back to...
     | (Looks into an empty glass)
     |
 D'OH!


Subj:     Short Beer Jokes (S100)

Top
Subj:     The Beer Store (S502c)
          From: darrell94590
          on 9/7/2006
 To see this inspirational picture on my web site click 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Man Orders A Bush Beer (S335b - bar2)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 6/29/2003
 A guy walks into a bar and says to the woman bartender,
 "Hey, babe, Anheuser Busch?"

 "Fine", she says, "and how's your dick?"
 

Top
Subj:     Graphic Road Accident (S486)
          From: LABLaughsClean
          on 5/4/2006
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20010615

 This is so sad.  Every once in a while a graphic picture
 of a road accident makes the rounds on the internet. The
 picture you are about to view is one of the most hideous
 displays of road carnage you are ever likely to see.
 Warning, this picture may have long lasting traumatic
 effect on you, not for people with weak stomachs!  I cried
 when I saw this!  It really is a shame!  You can view the
 picture on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Unsafe Water At Fraternity House (S329b)
          From: igiggle on 5/21/2003
 Randy: So you say the water that you get here at the
        fraternity house is unsafe?
 Jim:   Yeah.
 Randy: Well, tell me, what precautions do you
        take against it?
 Jim:   First we filter it.
 Randy: Yes.
 Jim:   Then we boil it.
 Randy: Ok.
 Jim:   Then we add chemicals to it.
 Randy: And then?
 Jim:   And then we drink beer.
 

Top
Subj:     New T-Shirt Logo (S485c)
          From: CKButch4Femme
          on 5/7/2006
 You can view this beer T-shirt on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Mind Your P's ? Q's (S300b)
          From: CHRISDADDYG on 10/11/2002
 P?Q's comes from pints and quarts.  In a English Pub,  the
 beer was served in P?Q.  When the croud got routy,  the
 bartender would say mind your P?Q's,
 

Top
Subj:     Amazing Bar Maid (S465)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 12/20/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19980525
 This bar maid is truly amazing.  Only seeing is believing.
 You can see her at the source above, or on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Opening Beer Bottles w/Your Belly Button (S292b)
         From: jerry on 9/2/2002
 A Milwaukee, Wisconsin, man discovered two years ago that
 he has an amazing ability to open beer bottles with his
 belly button.  He stuffs the neck of the bottle into his
 belly button, then bears down with his muscles and fat,
 holding the bottle tight while the cap gets twisted off.

 How did he discover this unique talent?

 He and his friends were bored one night and they decided
 to see how many dimes would fit into their belly buttons
 "to impress the girls."  No word on how impressed the
 girls were.  After he got 14 dimes into his belly button
 they decided to see how far they could get a beer bottle
 into his belly button and then see if he could open the
 bottle using his belly button. The rest is history.

 He says some brands chafe more than others when being opened.

 Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel (Milwaukee, Wisconsin) 29-Aug-02
 

Top
Subj:     The Beer Quiz (S436, S864)
          From: Ab Origine Mundi © 2004
          On 5/29,2005
 Source: http://www.aboriginemundi.com/qqc/beerquiz/beerquiz01.htm
 You can take this quiz at source above, or on my web site
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Nortel vs. Budweiser (S243, S579b)
          From: coreymac on 9/24/2001
      and From: tom on 2/13/2008
 If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it
 would now be  worth $49.  With Enron, you would have $16.50
 of the original $1,000.00.  With Worldcom, you would have
 less than $5.00 left.

 If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the
 stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the
 cans for the nickel deposit, you would have $79.

 Based on the above, my current investment advice is to
 drink heavily and recycle.  This is a new retirement
 program, I call it the 401Keg.
 

Top
Subj:     Beer Poster (S448)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
         on 8/25/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19990114
 You can view this cute beer poster at the source above, or
 on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Orkney Beer From Cow Poop (S240b)
          From: bonehead on 9/4/2001
 Historian Merryn Dineley, from Manchester University,
 claims to have recreated an ancient Orkney beer recipe
 which was flavored with animal dung, after uncovering
 what she believes to be a 5,000-year-old pub and brewery
 on the remote islands.

 The way we see it, after 5,000 years, the pub has finally
 gotten a customer.

 The beer is made in clay pots with traces of animal
 droppings.

 She says it is ''quite delicious.''

 Ananova 2-Sep-01
 
 

Top
Subj:     The Things We Do For Our Beer Man.. (S120)
          From: thebartend 5/20/99
 Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel
 ashamed.  Then I look into the glass and think about the workers
 in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.

  If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their
 dreams would be shattered.

 Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let
 their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
 

Top
Subj:     Beer Contains Female Genes (S14, S577b)
         From bassmen on 98/10/12
      and From: AFine963 on 1/29/2008
 Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released
 the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of
 female hormones in beer.

 Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

 The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain
 phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn
 into women.

 To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within
 a 1 hour period.

 It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
    1. Argued over nothing.
    2. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
    3. Gained weight.
    4. Talked excessively without making sense.
    5. Became overly emotional.
    6. Couldn't drive.
    7. Failed to think rationally.
    8. Had to sit down while urinating.
 No further testing was considered necessary.

 A graphical version of this joke can be found in on my web
 site by clicking 'Here'.
 

 In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer
 while lying in bed with his wife, or holding you in his arms.
 

From: ipkis on 97-11-20 and From: DrRibeiro on 8/2/99 (S131B)
 Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

From: humorlist-digest V2 #4 on 98-01-04
 Men are like coolers...
   load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
 Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...

 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

From: RFSlick on 98-08-03
 To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group

From: humorlist-digest V2 #218 on 98-09-15
 It was probably really annoying to be the only pirate with
 a hook for a hand at parties, because EVERYBODY would be
 asking you to open their beer.  Although, if you didn't
 know anyone it would be a good way to meet people.

From: ossama on 98-11-25
 If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a
 beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

From: ossama on 99-01-27 (S105)
 BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

From: Tom_Adams on 3/24/99
 God made pot.  Man made beer.  Who do you trust?
 -The Irish Times. Washington, D.C.

From: JCary on 08/25/2000 (S187)
 Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

 Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!

From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/28/2004 (S414b - men4)
 Man only learned to walk upright cause they put
 beer on the top shelf!
 

 Q: What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
 A: Beer nuts are about a dollar and deer nuts are under a buck.

 Q: Why do men talk so dirty?
 A: So they can wash their mouth out with beer.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #213 on 97-11-29
 Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
 A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

From: PGSP4LIFE on 09/17/1999 (S139)
 Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
 A: Eight beers.

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