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Subj:     Fairy Tale Type Jokes
                 (Includes 45 jokes and articles, 14983,11,cf,wYT2,6)

          Click "Here" for Fairy Tales-Supp


Knight? Maiden from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Mother Goose And Grimm - Cartoon (S714 in Supp)
.........................Tinderella: A Modern Fairy Tale - Video (S947 in Supp)
.........................The Three Little Pigs - News Video (S877 in Supp)
.........................
.........................John Branyan - The Three Little Pigs - Video (S983)
.........................Telling Fairy Tales To Your Kids (S127, S657b)
.........................The Three Little Pigs At Christmas - Video (S519)
.........................Pinnochio And His Woody (S179)
.........................Modern Day Goldilocks (S430b, DU)
.........................Frank And Ernest Cartoon (DU)
.........................Cinderella At 75 (S235, S691)
.........................Three Pigs At Dinner (S207, S524b)
.........................Tooth Fairy Letter (S134)
.........................The Princess With The Melting Touch - Story w/Drawings (S448)
.........................Prince Charming Finds Snow White (S133, S426b)
.........................Climbing The Ladder To Success (S117, S345)
.........................Good Witch Glenda In Oz (S176)
.........................Mother Goose And Grimm - Cartoon (DU)
.........................Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, And Don Juan (S61, S430b)
.........................Little Politically Correct Riding Hood (S181)
.........................Cinderella Has PMS (DU)
.........................Red Riding Hood Carries A Shotgun II - Dirty Video (S557c)
.........................Red Riding Hood Carries A Shotgun (DU)
.........................Snow White Meets Pinocchio (S205)
.........................Little Red Riding Hood - Revisited (S182)
.........................Rubes Cartoon (S600c)
.........................Short Fairy Tale Jokes
..............................Classic Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip II (S751 in Supp)
..............................Non Sequitur Sunday Comic Strip (S901 in Supp)
..............................Classic Peanuts Sunday Comic Strip (S613c in Supp)
..............................
..............................Three Little Pigs Italian Style (S560b)
..............................Worlds Shortest Fairy Tale (S454, S660b)
..............................The World's Shortest Fairy Tale II (S486c)
..............................Winnie The Pooh's Last Book (S447b)
..............................Little Miss Muffet - Poem (S437)
..............................Mary Had A Little Lamb - Poem (S415)
..............................Mary Had A Little Lamb II - Poem (S417b)
..............................Mary Had A Little Lamb III - Poem (S417b)
..............................Mary Had A Little Lamb IV - Poem (S417b)
..............................TV Guide Listing (S116)

Also see BEAR file    - 'Three Bears Go To Court'
......................- 'Three Bears Come Down For Breakfast'
         CARTOON file -  (see whole file)
         CLINTONSCNDL1- 'Four Presidents Visit Oz'
         DWARFS file  - 'Seven Dwarfs Are In A Mining Accident'
......................- 'Seven Dwarfs Meet The Pope'
......................- 'Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs'
......................- 'Snow White Takes Pictures Of Dwarfs'
         FROG file    - 'Lonely Widow Buys Ugly Toad'
......................- 'Talking Frog Was Once A Prince'
         GAMES2-SUPP  - 'Three Pigs Play Duplicate Bridge'
         GENIE file   - 'Old Couple Get Wishes f/Fairy'
......................- (See whole file)
         JESUS file   - 'Jesus substitutes For St. Peter'
         JOBS3 file   - 'Excuses For Job Termination:
............................Snow White And The 7 Dwarfs'
         KNIGHT file  - 'The Magic Troll'
         MARRIAGE3    - 'Perfect Couple Meets Santa'
         MOVIE2-SUPP  - 'Seven Dwarfs Question on Family Feud Show'
         PIG file     - 'Pig Goes Into A Bar'
         POETRY file  - 'Nursery Rhymes that Didn't Make It'
         POLIT-SUPP   - 'Fairy Tales'
......................- 'Four Presidents Visit Oz'
         SANTA file   - 'Santa Sees A Hundred Dollar Bill'
         SEX2 file    - 'The Sex Fairy'
         SEX3 file    - 'Thor Has Sex'
         TEAR-JERKER3 - 'Peter Pan Proposes To Wendy' - Video
         WOMEN1 file  - 'The Seven Dwarves of Menopause'

============================================================Top
Subj:     John Branyan - The Three Little Pigs (S983d)
          From: bill7808 on 11/13/2015
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/OxoUUbMii7Q
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.......Click 'HERE' to hear the story of the three
.......little pigs told in Shakespeare Style.
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Top
Subj:     Telling Fairy Tales To Your Kids (S127, S657b)
          From: RFSlick on 7/1/99

 My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at
 night.  Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often
 ad-libs parts of the stories for fun.

 One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade
 class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three
 Little Pigs.

 She came to the part of the story where the first pig was
 trying to acquire building materials for his home. She said
 "...And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow
 full of straw and said "Pardon me sir,  but might I have
 some of that straw to build my house with?"

 Then the teacher asked the class "And what do you think that
 man said?" and my friend's son raised his hand and said "I
 know!  I know!  He said 'Holy Shit!! A talking pig!'"

 The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes

Top
Subj:     The Three Little Pigs At Christmas (S519d)
          From: gattica30@yahoo.com on 12/24/2006
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/7Ztji6ZiGvw

 You can view this cute, silly, animated short by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Pinnochio And His Woody (S179)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #114 on 98-05-09

 One day, Pinnochio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what
 girls and wooden boys do.  Later, as they were cuddling,
 Pinnochio could tell that something was bothering his girl-
 friend.  So he asked her, What's the matter, baby?"

 Pinnochio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, "You're
 probably the best guy I've ever met-- but every time we make
 love, you give me splinters."

 This remark bothered Pinnochio a great deal, so the next day
 he went to seek some advice form his creator, Gepetto.  When
 Pinnochio arrived, he could tell something was bothering
 Pinnochio, and asked him what was the matter.  As Pinnochio
 revealed his dilemma, Gepetto searched up and down for a
 solution.  Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be
 able to "smooth" out Pinnochio's relationship with his girl-
 friend. Pinnochio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his
 way.

 Gepetto had not heard from Pinnochio for a while and there-
 fore assumed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinnochio's
 problems.

 A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades
 sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinnochio.
 When he saw Pinnochio buying all the packs of sandpaper the
 store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, "So Pinnochio, things
 must be going pretty damn good with the girls".  To which
 Pinnochio replied, "GIRLS?  WHO NEED GIRLS???"

Top
Subj:     Modern Day Goldilocks (S430b, DU)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 4/21/2005

 Goldilocks was walking along one sunny day when she found
 a beautiful house in the woods.  The door was open, so she
 walked right in.  There she found a table set with 3 bowls
 of steaming porridge.

 "Hello?" she called out, but no one was home.

 She sits down and tries the first bowl, but it was too hot.
 She tried the second bowl, but it was too cold.  Then she
 tried the third bowl, and it was just right.

 "Wow," she said, once she finished the meal.  "Now I'm
 feeling very sleepy."

 So she wandered around the house.  She finds a staircase,
 climbs the stairs, and goes into the first room.  There
 was a big bed in the room, so Goldilocks jumped in.

 "Yikes!" she exclaimed, "this one's too hard!"

 She wandered into the next room where she found another
 bed. She hops right in. But it was too soft. By this time,
 Goldilocks was really tired.  She then goes into a third
 room and yells out in surprise at seeing three pink pigs
 cowering in the corner of the room.

 "Wait a minute," she said. "You guys are in the wrong
 fairy tale."

 "No, we're not," answered one of the pigs.... "Don't you
 know this is 2005.  This is a 'two-story' house?"

Top
Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon (DU)
          By Bob Thaves on 8/18/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frankandernest/2009/08/18
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Top
Subj:     Cinderella At 75 (S235, S691)
          From: KMACINTY on 7/31/2001

 Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with
 the now dead Prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair,
 watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat
 named Bob for companionship.

 One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy
 Godmother.  Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you
 doing here after all these years?"

 The Fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an
 exemplary life since I last saw you.  Is there anything for
 which your heart still yearns?"

 Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some
 thoughtful consideration, and almost under her breath she
 uttered her first wish: "I wish I were wealthy beyond
 comprehension."

 Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold.
 Cinderella was stunned.  Bob, her old faithful cat, jumped
 off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch,
 quivering with fear.

 Cinderella said, "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother".  The
 Fairy Godmother replied "It is the least I can do.  What
 does your heart want for your second wish?"

 Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I
 wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again".
 At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful
 youthful visage returned.  Cinderella felt stirrings
 inside her that had been dormant for years.  A long
 forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her.

 Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke "You have one more
 wish, what shall you have?"

 Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner
 and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat,
 into a kind and handsome young man".

 Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change
 in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood
 before her, a man, so beautiful the likes of which neither
 she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds
 began to fall from the sky at his feet.

 The Fairy Godmother again spoke, "Congratulations,
 Cinderella.  Enjoy your new life."  And, with a blazing
 shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

 For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into
 each other's eyes.  Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at
 the most stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.  Then
 Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her
 rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular
 arms.

 He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm
 breath as he whispered, "I bet you regret having me
 neutered now, don't you?"

Top
Subj:     Three Pigs At Dinner (S207, S524b)
          From: oiawh on 1/19/2001
      and From: robertbenevento on 1/29/2007

 Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.  The waiter
 comes and takes their drink order.

 "I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

 "I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

 "I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third
 little piggy.

 The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders
 for dinner.

 "I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

 "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

 "I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third
 little piggy.

 The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter
 approached the table and asked if the piggys would like
 any dessert.

 "I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

 "I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.

 "I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the
 third little piggy.

 "Pardon me for asking," said the waiter, "but why have
 you only ordered water"?

 The third piggy says --- "Well, somebody has to go wee,
 wee, wee, all the way home!'"

Top
Subj:     Tooth Fairy Letter (S134)
          From: kate289 on 8/21/99

 Dear _________________ :

 Thank you for leaving one [1] tooth under your pillow last night.

 While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the
 case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to
 process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

 ( ) the tooth could not be found
 ( ) it was not a human tooth
 ( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
 ( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor
 ( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
 ( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you
 ( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails
 ( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for
     appropriate action
 ( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the
     tooth fairy
 ( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received
 ( ) the tooth is still in your mouth
 ( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the
     time of our visit
 ( ) no night light was on at the time of our visit
 ( ) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory,
     or were missing
 ( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
     [ ] string
     [ ] pliers
     [ ] gunpowder
     [ ] hammer marks
     [ ] chisel
     [ ] part of skull attached to tooth
     [ ] no dental care
 ( ) other:

 Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you
 in the future.

 Sincerely, The Tooth Fairy

Top
Subj:     The Princess With The Melting Touch (S448)
          From: RFSlick on 8/24/2005

 Once upon a time there lived a king.  The king had a beautiful
 daughter, the PRINCESS.  But there was a problem.  Everything
 the princess touched would melt.  No matter what; metal, wood,
 stone, anything she touched would melt.  Because of this, men
 were afraid of her.  Nobody would dare marry her.  The king
 despaired.  What could he do to help his daughter?

 He consulted his wizards and magicians.  One wizard told the
 king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt
 in her hands, she will be cured."  The king was overjoyed and
 came up with a plan.
 

 The next day, he held a competition.  Any man that could bring
 his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and
 inherit the  king's wealth.  THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE
 CHALLENGE.
 The first brought a sword of the
 finest steel.  But alas, when the
 princess touched it, it melted. 
 The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds. 
He thought diamonds are the hardest
substance in the world and would not
melt.  But alas, once the princess
touched them, they melted.  He too
was sent away disappointed.

 The third prince approached.   He told the princess, "Put your
 hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."  The princess did
 as she was told, though she turned red.  She felt something hard.
 She held it in her hand.  And it did not melt!!!

 The king was overjoyed   Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
 And the third prince married the princess and they both lived
 happily ever after.

 Question:  What was in the prince's pants?

 (Scroll down for the answer)

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 M&M's of course.  They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
 What were you thinking??

Top
Subj:     Prince Charming Finds Snow White (S133, S426b)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 8/11/99

 Prince Charming walks into a tavern appearing downtrodden.
 Immediately, the bartender turns to him and asks why he's
 so glum.

 "You wouldn't believe it," he replies.  "I was walking
 through the Enchanted Forest when, suddenly I approached
 Snow White fast asleep on a bed of stone.  The dwarf next
 to her tells me that she ate a poisonous apple and could
 only be revived through a kiss from my very lips.  I gave
 her a peck on the cheek.  Nothing.  So I give her a real
 deep kiss while massaging her hair with my fingers.
 Nothing.  Soon enough, I'm making passionate love to her
 right there in the woods when suddenly, she screams out,
 'Ah yes!'"

 "That's great!" the bartender excitedly replies.  "Then
 she's alive!"

 Shrugging his shoulders Prince Charming says, "Nah. She
 faked it."

Top
Subj:     Climbing The Ladder To Success (S117, S345)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: FrankRoesc on 4/27/99

 A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going
 into the clouds.  As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.
 He reached a cloud, upon which was sat a rather plump and very
 ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said.

 No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the
 next cloud.  On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who
 was slightly easier on the eye.  "Screw me hard me or climb
 the ladder to success" she said

 "Well", thought the man, "might as well carry on.  On the next
 cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite
 attractive.  "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success" she
 uttered.  As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the
 man thought to himself that this was getting better the further
 he went.

 On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the
 lot. "Fuck me or climb the ladder to success" she flirted.  Unable
 to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he
 decided to climb again.

 When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man,
 arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

 "Who are you?" the man asked.

 "Hello" said the ugly fat man said, "my name's Cess!"

Top
Subj:     Good Witch Glenda In Oz (S176)
          From:  humorlist-digest V2 #86 on 98-04-08

 Long after Dorothy, Toto and the rest of the gang left the
 land of Oz, Good Witch Glenda of the North was horribly
 bored.  She spent her days just floating around in her
 little bubble gazing at the land of Oz, hoping for someone
 to help or inspire.

 One day, while floating around in her bubble, she passed
 over a pond and saw a lonely little yellow toad perched on
 a lilly pad.  He looked extremely depressed...  She floated
 down to the toad and asked him what could be the matter.

 "Oh Good Witch Glenda, you are right.  I AM horribly
 depressed.  I am completely colored yellow, whereas all the
 other little toads in the pond are green.  Won't you please
 help  me?"

 Mustering up all of her kind heartiness and good will, she
 waved her magic wand over the toad, and his color changed
 to green...  That is, all except his 'private parts.'  They
 remained bright yellow.

 "Good Witch Glenda!  Thank you so much, but my lower
 extremities!  They're still yellow, while the rest of me
 is green!"

 "Oh, I'm sorry, dear little toad.  My powers are strong,
 but apparently not strong enough.  The only person who
 may be able to help you might be the Wizard, the Wizard
 of Oz."

 So, in hopeful anticipation, he began hopping off toward
 the castle, where the Wizard of Oz resided.

 Glenda the Good Witch continued her surveillance of the
 land of Oz, floating around in her bubble.  As she was
 passing over a pasture, she looked down to spot a pink
 elephant who looked horribly depressed.

 "Oh, Good Witch Glenda, you are right.  I AM horribly
 depressed.  I am completely colored pink, whereas all the
 other elephants in the pasture are gray.  Won't you please
 help me?"

 Mustering up all of her kind heartiness and good will,
 she waved her magic wand over the elephant, and his color
 changed to gray...  That is, all except his 'private parts.'
 They remained cheerfully pink.

 "Good Witch Glenda!  Thank you so much, but my lower
 extremities!  They're so pink while the rest of me is
 gray!"

 "Oh, I'm sorry, dear elephant.  My powers are strong, but
 apparently not strong enough.  The only person who may be
 able to help you might be the Wizard, the powerful Wizard
 of Oz."

 "Well, that's fine and dandy, but where may I find this
 fabled 'Wizard of Oz?'"

 And Glenda, The Good Witch said:

 "Just follow the yellow-pricked toad!"

Top
Subj:     Mother Goose And Grimm (DU)
          By Mike Peters on 9/30/2014
Source: http://comicskingdom.com/blog/2014/09/
........30/tuesday-s-top-ten-comics-fairy-tales
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Top
Subj:     Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, And Don Juan (S61, S430b)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #80 on 98-03-30

 Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Don Juan were having a
 discussion with after dinner drinks.  Sleeping Beauty
 declared that she was the most beautiful woman on earth.
 Don Juan and quickly piped up and said, "No you aren't my
 dear.  With billions of people on this planet there is
 bound to be one even more beautiful than you."

 Tom Thumb then entered the discussion by stating that he
 was the shortest man on earth. Don Juan quickly followed
 again stating, "No my short friend.  Of all the billions
 of people on earth there is bound to be one shorter than
 you."

 "However," Don Juan continued, "there is no doubt that I
 have had more lovers than any other man on earth." Sleeping
 Beauty and Tom Thumb quickly responded in unison, "No way!
 Of the BILLIONS of people on earth some man is bound to
 have had more lovers than you!"

 Don Juan said, "I know where we can settle this once and
 for all. Let's go ask my friend Merlin the Magician."
 So the three set off to see Merlin.  Sleeping Beauty was
 the first to go in and ask her question.  She quickly
 emerged from Merlin's chamber with a huge smile and said,
 "Merlin says it is true. I AM the most beautiful woman on
 earth!"

 Tom Thumb then went in to see the magician. Soon Tom Thumb
 emerged from Merlin's chamber shouting, "It IS true!  I am
 the shortest person on earth!"

 Finally Don Juan went before the magician.  After a long
 time Don Juan emerged from Merlin's chamber with a sad
 look in his eyes and exclaimed, "And just who IS this
 Bill Clinton!"

Top
Subj:     Little Politically Correct Riding Hood (S181)
          From: mbucher on 98-03-05

 There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood
 who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered
 owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for
 cancer if only someone took the time to  study them.

 Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes
 referred to as "mother," although she didn't mean to imply by
 this term that she would have thought less of the person if a
 close biological link did not in fact exist.

 Nor did she intend to denigrate the equal value of nontrad-
 itional households, although she was sorry if this was the
 impression conveyed.

 One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically
 grown fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house.
 "But mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized
 people who have struggled for years to earn the right to carry
 all packages between  various people in the woods?"

 Red Riding Hood's mother assured her that she had called the
 union boss and gotten a special compassionate mission exemption
 form.  "But mother, aren't you oppressing me by ordering me to
 do this?"  Red Riding Hood's mother pointed out that it was
 impossible for women to oppress each other, since all women
 were equally oppressed until all women were free.

 "But mother, then shouldn't you have my brother carry the basket,
 since he's an oppressor, and should learn what it's like to be
 oppressed?" Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her brother
 was attending a special rally for animal rights, and besides,
 this wasn't stereotypical women's work, but an empowering deed
 that would help engender a feeling of community.

 "But won't I be oppressing Grandma, by implying that she's sick
 and hence unable to independently further her own selfhood?"

 But Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her grandmother
 wasn't actually sick or incapacitated or mentally handicapped
 in any way, although that was not to imply that any of these
 conditions were inferior to what some  people called "health".

 Thus Red Riding Hood felt that she could get behind the idea of
 delivering the basket to her grandmother, and so she set off.
 Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and
 dangerous place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was an
 irrational fear based on cultural paradigms instilled by a
 patriarchal society that regarded the natural world as an exploit-
 able resource, and hence believed that natural predators were in
 fact intolerable competitors.

 Other people avoided the woods for fear of thieves and deviants,
 but Red Riding Hood felt that in a truly classless society all
 marginalized peoples would be able to "come out" of the woods
 and be accepted as valid lifestyle role models.

 On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood passed a wood-
 chopper, and wandered off the path, in order to examine some
 flowers.

 She was startled to find herself standing before a Wolf, who
 asked her what was in her basket.

 Red Riding Hood's teacher had warned her never to talk to
 strangers, but she was confident in taking control of her own
 budding sexuality, and chose to dialogue with the Wolf.

 She replied, "I am taking my Grandmother some healthful snacks
 in a gesture of solidarity."

 The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little
 girl to walk through these woods alone." Red Riding Hood said,
 "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will
 ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from
 society, the stress of which has caused you to develop an alter-
 native  and yet entirely valid world view. Now, if you'll excuse
 me, I would  prefer to be on my way."

 Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded towards
 her Grandmother's house.  Because his status outside society had
 freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought,
 the Wolf knew of a quicker route to  Grandma's house.

 He burst into the house and ate Grandma, a course of action
 affirmative of his nature as a predator.  Unhampered by rigid,
 traditionalist gender role notions, he put on Grandma's night-
 clothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited developments.

 Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have
 brought you some cruelty free snacks to salute you  in your role
 of wise and nurturing matriarch."

 The Wolf said softly "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."
 Red Riding Hood said, "Goodness! Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
 "You forget that I am optically challenged."

 "And Grandma, what an enormous, what a fine nose you have."
 "Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career,
 but I didn't give in to such societal pressures, my child."

 "And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!"
 The Wolf could not take any more of these specist slurs, and, in
 a reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of
 bed, grabbed Little  Red Riding Hood, and opened his jaws so wide
 that she could see her poor Grandmother cowering in his belly.

 "Aren't you forgetting something?" Red Riding Hood bravely
 shouted. "You must request my permission before proceeding to a
 new level of intimacy!"

 The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his
 grasp on her. At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the
 cottage, brandishing an ax. "Hands off!" cried the woodchopper.

 "What do you think you're doing?" cried Little Red Riding Hood.
 "If I let you help me now, I would be expressing a lack of
 confidence in my own abilities, which would lead to poor self
 esteem and lower achievement scores on college entrance exams."

 "Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered species!
 This is an FBI sting!" screamed the woodchopper, and when Little
 Red Riding  Hood nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced off
 her head.

 "Thank goodness you got here in time," said the Wolf. "The brat
 and her grandmother lured me in here. I thought I was a goner."

 "No, I think I'm the real victim here," said the woodchopper.
 "I've been dealing with my anger ever since I saw her picking
 those protected  flowers earlier. And now I'm going to have
 such a trauma. Do you have any aspirin?"

 "Sure," said the Wolf. "Thanks" said the woodchopper.
 "I feel your pain," said the Wolf, and he patted the woodchopper
 on his firm, well padded back, gave a little belch, and said "Do
 you have any Maalox?"

Top
Subj:     Cinderella Has PMS (DU)
          From: Daemonic Funnies Page

 Cinderella was all set to go to the huge ball, but she was
 having a severe case of PMS.  She was crabby and pissy and
 moody and generally not in the partying spirit.

 Well, her fairy-godmother again came to her rescue by
 providing Cinderella with a magic tampon.  The fairy-
 godmother said, "Put this in and your PMS will be gone.
 Just remember, you have to be home by the stroke of
 midnight or the magic tampon will turn into a pumpkin and
 that is gonna be painful as hell to get out."

 Off Cinderella went to the ball in a great mood ready to
 dance the night away.  Midnight comes and goes, however,
 and no Cinderella.  Her fairy-godmother is worried to death.
 1am, 2am, 3am and no sign of Cinderella.  Finally she comes
 home at 4am.

 The fairy-godmother was distraught.  "What on earth happened
 to you?" she said.   "What about the magic tampon.  I've
 been worried sick about you."

 "Oh don't worry," Cinderella replied.  "I met this really
 great guy named Peter-Peter."

Second version
From: humorlist-digest V2 #19 on 98-01-20

 Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother
 won't let her.  As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her
 fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella
 with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two
 conditions.

 "First, you must wear a diaphragm."

 Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"

 "You must be home by 2 a.m.  Any later, and your diaphragm
 will turn into a pumpkin."

 Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.

 The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't
 show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking
 love-struck and **very** satisfied.

 "Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother.  "Your
 diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours
 ago!!!"

 "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

 "I know of no prince with that kind of power!  Tell me his name!"

 "I can't remember, exactly ...Peter Peter, something or other...."

Top
Subj:     Red Riding Hood Carries A Shotgun II (S557c,d)
          From: darrellvip on 9/23/2007
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/xpdnoGCUexc

 You can view this dirty, crudely done cartoon/video by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Red Riding Hood Carries A Shotgun (DU)
          From: ipkis on 97-08-22

 Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit
 her grandmother in the forest and her mother said, "You'd
 better not go out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because
 the big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do. He'll
 lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red
 panties and fuck your little red socks off."

 But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said
 "Don't worry Mum, I've got it covered."

 So she was walking through the forest when she came across
 the Three Little Pigs.  One of them ran out of the brick
 house and said, "You shouldn't be out tonight Little Red
 Riding Hood!  The big bad wolf's out and you know what
 he'll do if he catches you.  He'll lift up your little red
 dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your
 little red socks off."

 So she pulled out the shotgun and said "Don't worry boys.
 Got it covered!"

 As she continued through the forest she came across the
 big bad wolf and he said, "You shouldn't have come out
 tonight Little Red Riding Hood because you know what I'm
 going to do?  I'm going to lift up your little red dress,
 pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red
 socks off."

 So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her
 little red panties, lay down on her back with her legs
 apart, pointed the shotgun at him and said...

 "NO! You're going to eat me like the book says."

Top
Subj:     Snow White Meets Pinocchio (S205)
          From: spyda on 12/9/2000

 From Naughty Fairy Tales - The Fairy Tales
 Our Parents Neglected to tell us.

 Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran
 up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on
 his face crying, 'Lie to me, Lie to me'

Top
Subj:     Little Red Riding Hood - Revisited (S182)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #213 on 97-10-02

 Little Red Riding Hood (LRRH) is skipping down the road when
 she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.  "My
 what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf", says LRRH.  The wolf jumps
 up and runs away!!!

 Further down the road LRRH sees the wolf again.  This time he
 is crouched behind a tree stump.  "My what big ears you have
 Mr Wolf", says LRRH. Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

 About 2 miles down the track LRRH sees the wolf again, this
 time crouched down behind a road sign.  "My what big teeth
 you have Mr Wolf", taunts LRRH.

 With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams..."Will you
 fuck off, I'm trying to take a shit!"

Top
Subj:     Rubes Cartoon (S600c)
          by Leigh Rubin on 7/12/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/rubes/2008/07/12
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Subj:     Short Fairy Tales
 

Top
Subj:     Three Little Pigs Italian Style (S560b) 
          From: RFSlick on 4/24/00
      and From: AFine963 on 10/11/2007
 You can view this cute story with pictures by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Worlds Shortest Fairy Tale (S454, S660b)
          From: DoctorDebt on 9/23/2005
      and From: tom on 9/4/2009
 Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry
 me?'  The girl said, 'NO!'  And the guy lived happily
 ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and
 hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and whisky
 and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet
 seat up and farted whenever he wanted.   THE END
 

Top
Subj:     The World's Shortest Fairy Tale II (S486c)
          From: darrell94590 on 5/17/2006
 You can view this picture version of the joke
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Winnie The Pooh's Last Book (S447b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/13/2005
 Source: (Removed from ablaughs.com)
 You can see the cover of Winnie the Pooh's last book
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Little Miss Muffet - Poem (S437)
          From: chicababe1978 on 6/12/2005
 (See 'Nursery Rhymes that Didn't Make It' in Poems)

   Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
   her clothes all tattered and torn.
   It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
   but Little Boy Blue and his horn.
 
 
Top
Subj:     Mary Had A Little Lamb - Poem (S415)
..........From: igiggle on 1/10/2005
   Mary had a little lamb,
   You've heard this tale before;
   But did you know she passed
   Her plate and had a little more?
Top
Subj:     Mary Had A Little Lamb II - Poem (S417b)
          From: igiggle on 1/20/2005
   Mary had a little lamb
   A little cake, a little jam
   A glass of pop all topped with fizz
   And now how sick our Mary is!

   ~~Diane

Top
Subj:     Mary Had A Little Lamb III - Poem (S417b)
          From: igiggle on 1/20/2005
   Mary had a little lamb,
   Its fleece was white as snow,
   And everywhere that Mary went,
   The lamb was sure to go.

   But Mary found the price of beef
   Was high, which didn't please her,
   Tonight she's having leg of lamb,
   The rest is in the freezer.

Top
Subj:     Mary Had A Little Lamb IV - Poem (S417b)
          From: igiggle on 1/20/2005
   Mary had a little lamb,
   A little pork, a little jam,
   A little egg, a little toast,
   Some pickles and a great big roast,
   An ice cream soda topped with fizz,
   And boy! How sick poor Mary is!
 
 

Top
Subj:     TV Guide Listing (S116)
          From: RFSlick on 4/15/99
 "Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills
 the first woman she meets and then teams up with three
 complete stangers to kill again." - TV listing for the
 Wizard of Oz in the Marin, CA Paper
 

 Cinderella's slippers were originally made out of fur. The
 story was changed in the 1600s by a translator.  It was the
 left shoe that Aschenputtel (Cinderella) lost at the
 stairway, when the prince tried to follow her.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #19 on 98-01-20
 Did you hear that Captain Hook died from jock itch?

 Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran
 up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on
 his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

 Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old
 drunk are walking down the street together when they
 simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
 The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical
 creatures.

 Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head."

From: BawdyNet test part 3! on 98-03-01
 * The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/23/2004 (S409b)
 Define "Egghead:**
 What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
 

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #275 on 98-12-31 (S100)
 What's the difference between a Northern fairytale
    and a Southern fairytale?
 A Northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..."
 A Southern fairytale begins, "'Y'all ain't gonna believe
 this shit..."

From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98
 Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
 A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face,
    and moaning, "Lie to me!"

From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
 Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
 A: His hands caught fire.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #309 on 6/24/99
 Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
 A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt,
    then he's a goblin.'

From: kmacinty on 6/23/2002 (S282b)
 Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
 A: Gagged!

From: DafterLafter on 7/14/2004 (S401b)
 Q: What did Snow White say while she waited for her photos?
 A: "Some day my prints will come!"

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............................From Smiley_Central
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