Subj: Jokes About Table Games
(Includes 79 jokes and articles, 11857n,16,cf)
AGAG Animation Gallery
Also see ASIAN-SUPP - 'Japanese
All Star Athletic Games' - Movie
BANKING-SUPP - 'Piggy Bank - Game'
BLONDE1 file - 'Blonde In Vegas'
BRAINTEASERS - 'The History Of Crossword Puzzles'
BREASTS file - 'The Vissor Slut Machine'
CATS2 file - 'Kitten Cannon'
COMPUTER-SUPP- 'The Floys'
DOG3 file - 'Simon Says - Movie'
DRINKING_BR2 - 'The Beer Quiz'
DWARFS file - 'Two Dwarfs In Las Vegas'
ELDERLY3 file- 'Games For When We Are Older'
FACTS2 file - 'Exploding Heads From Intense Use'
FROG file - 'Golfer And Talking Frog'
GRAVEYARD - 'Shoe Comic Strip'
HALLOWEEN-SUP- 'Cat Bowling'
HOOKER file - 'Union Man Goes To A Brothel'
JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'The Meeting Minder (or Bullshit Bingo)'
KIDS4 file - 'The History of Toys'
......................- 'Crayon Color Quiz'
OTH_OCC_SUPP - 'Sam The Bellhop Card Trick'
PROGRAMMER - 'Programmer And Engineer Bet On Train'
REDNECK3 file- 'The Redneck Game'
RIDDLE file - 'A What Am I Riddle #9'
RIDDLE-SUPP - 'A What Am I Riddle #38'
SOLDIER-SUPP - 'Monopoly Aided WWII POWs Escape'
THOUGHTS-TIME- 'Reaction Time Test' - Game
WOMEN1 file - 'Georgeous Woman At Roulette Table'
Subj: Wife Plays Cards Once A Month (S307b)
From: JokesUncut on 12/21/2002
A woman who plays cards one night
a month with a group of
friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband
when she came home around 11:30.
One night she decided to try
not to rouse him. She undressed
in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the
bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.
"Dammit woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"
Subj: Ben Franklin On Chess (S256b)
From: the BIG BOOK BUNCH
and From: JOELFALLON on 12/22/2001
Benjamin Franklin: ON THE MORALS
OF CHESS 12/2/97
USE BY COMMERCIAL ORGANIZATIONS OR SALE ARE PROHIBITED
He was a devotee of the game,
seeing it as a model of
diplomacy. In writing 'Morals' he must have remembered
his games in London with Lord Howe's sister.
The game of Chess is not merely
an idle amusement. Several
very valuable qualities of the mind, useful in the course
of human life, are to be acquired or strengthened by it, so
as to become habits, ready on all occasions.
1. Foresight, which looks a little
into futurity, and
considers the consequences that may attend an action; for
it is continually occuring to the player, 'If I move this
piece, what will be the advantages or disadvantages of my
new situation? What use can my adversary make of it to
annoy me? What other moves can I make to support it, and
to defend myself from his attacks?
2. Circumspection, which surveys
the whole chessboard, or
scene of action; the relations of the several pieces and
situations, the dangers they are respectively exposed to,
the several possibilities of their aiding each other, the
probabilities that the adversary may make this or that
move, and attack this or the other piece, and what different
means can be used to avoid his stroke, or turn its conse-
quences against him.
3. Caution, not to make our moves
too hastily. This habit
is best acquired, by observing strictly the laws of the
game; such as, If you touch a piece, you must move it
somewhere; if you set it down, you must let it stand. And
it is therefore best that these rules should be observed,
as the game becomes thereby more the image of human life,
and particularly of war . . .
And lastly, we learn by Chess
the habit of not being
discouraged by present appearances in the state of our
affairs, the habit of hoping for a favourable change, and
that of persevering in the search of resources. The game
is so full of events, there is such a variety of turns in
it, the fortune of it is so subject to sudden vicissitudes,
and one so frequently, after long contemplation, discovers
the means of extricating one's self from a supposed
insurmountable difficulty, that one is encouraged to
continue the contest to the last, in hopes of victory from
our own skill, or at least of getting a stalemate from the
negligence of our adversary . . .
If your adversary is long in
playing, you ought not to
hurry him, or express any uneasiness at his delay. You
should not sing, nor whistle, nor look at your watch, not
take up a book to read, nor make a tapping with your feet
on the floor, or with your fingers on the table, nor do
anything that may disturb his attention. For all these
things displease; and they do not show your skill in
playing, but your craftiness or your rudeness.
You ought not to endeavour to
amuse and deceive your
adversary, by pretending to have made bad moves, and
saying that you have now lost the game, in order to make
him secure and careless, and inattentive to your schemes:
for this is fraud and deceit, not skill in the game.
You must not, when you have gained
a victory, use any
triumphing or insulting expression, nor show too much
pleasure; but endeavour to console your adversary, and
make him less dissatisfied with himself, by every kind
of civil expression that may be used with truth, such as
'you understand the game better than I, but you are a
little inattentive;' or, 'you play too fast;' or, 'you
had the best of the game, but something happened to divert
your thoughts, and that turned it in my favour.'
If you are a spectator while
others play, observe the most
perfect silence. For, if you give advice, you offend both
parties, him against whom you give it, because it may
cause the loss of his game, him in whose favour you give
it, because, though it be good, and he follows it, he
loses the pleasure he might have had, if you had permitted
him to think until it had occurred to himself. Even after
a move or moves, you must not, by replacing the pieces,
show how they might have been placed better; for that
displeases, and may occasion disputes and doubts about
their true situation. All talking to the players lessens
or diverts their attention, and is therefore unpleasing.
Lastly, if the game is not to
be played rigorously,
according to the rules above mentioned, then moderate your
desire of victory over your adversary, and be pleased with
one over yourself. Snatch not eagerly at every advantage
offered by his unskilfulness or inattention; but point out
to him kindly, that by such a move he places or leaves a
piece in danger and unsupported; that by another he will
put his king in a perilous situation, etc. By this
generous civility (so opposite to the unfairness above
forbidden) you may, indeed, happen to lose the game to
your opponent; but you will win what is better, his esteem,
his respect, and his affection, together with the silent
approbation and goodwill of impartial spectators.
Subj: Uncle Fred's Gambit In Chess (S248b)
by Jon R. Edwards
From: Chess Is Fun on 10/31/01
My Uncle Fred taught me how to
play chess in 1958. I was
nearly five and Fred enjoyed winning. From all I can
gather, I was the only one he could beat. We played nearly
every weekend. Uncle Fred would give me queen odds, then
rook odds, then knight odds, until finally, when I turned
nine or so, we started playing even up.
It was around that time, early
1963 according to my post-a-
log, that Uncle Fred moved off to California, and at his
suggestion, we started playing through the mail. The game
started as an Evans Gambit, with me as white. It was
really the only opening that we knew, or should I say, that
Uncle Fred knew, since he was the one who taught it to me.
As my mother predicted, Fred was not the best correspondent,
and so a game meant to proceed quickly started to bog down,
until we finally agreed to continue it with only a single
move per year at my June birthday and at Christmas.
And so there it was, every year
through my adolescence,
Fred's move tied to the Christmas tree. As went the
position, so came the toys and games. I discovered rather
quickly that when Fred thought that his position was fine,
my younger brother and I would receive the most wonderful
presents from Uncle Fred. But a tough move in June brought
relatively little in December.
Under this kind of intense pressure,
especially the constant
begging of my brother, I began to throw the game. Well,
perhaps throw is too strong a word, but I certainly pulled
my punches. My fourteenth move was a real lemon, passing
up clear material equality. That Christmas, my brother and
I received really nice 10-speed bicycles.
Needless to say, by the time
I entered college, right
around the 20th move, my position was nearly in shambles.
By then of course, I had become a much stronger player,
rated nearly 1600, while Uncle Fred, ever the patzer,
remained around 1100. And Christmas was no longer so much
the big deal, in spite of Uncle Fred's nice sweaters. I
also started to tire of being ribbed by Uncle Fred at our
occasional family gatherings that even a weak player like
him could take on the big guys, given enough time to think.
So I applied myself to the game with some new vigor and a
new-found sense of ethical pride. As I said, the position
was pretty desperate, but there were still some subtleties,
and a college freshman had to be true to himself and the
That was 1971. For the next ten
years or so, the Christmas
gifts were meager indeed as Uncle Fred's position slowly
deteriorated. I distinctly remember that in 1977, he sent
underwear. The next year, I received a paperback copy of
the Egyptian Book of the Dead, and the year after that a
cassette of Tiny Tim's favorite hits.
By the time I finished Graduate
School in 1983, Uncle
Fred's position had become utterly hopeless. His pieces
had lost any semblance of communication, his pawns, though
well enough defended, were scattered and weak, and his
isolated king seemed to beg for the white pieces to attack.
After rather lengthy analysis, I found a remarkably clear
resource, with checkmate inevitably to follow, and prepared
to send it off some months hence. In late May just before
my birthday, Auntie Helen informed the family that Uncle
Fred had taken ill. A rare disease, she said, with no
known cure. Fred would live, she assured us, but bed-
ridden and without his usual stamina and cheer.
I'm not sure what came over me.
Call it pity, regret, a
sense of family obligation and love, but I simply couldn't
send the move I had planned. So I took another long look
at the position and found an awful, though plausible
enough looking move that pretty much restored equality in
the game. Soon thereafter, Uncle Fred recovered remarkably
and returned to his job. His move came in an envelope with
a handsome Christmas check capable of paying off a nice
chunk of my educational debt.
I hate to admit it, but the whole
incident made a
significant impression upon me. It occurred to me that
Uncle Fred's entire life was caught up in this game, and
that I really didn't have the right to hurt him. Apart
from that, there were obvious financial rewards. I was
broke, still in some debt, in need of a job, and hardly in
control of my life. It made good sense to keep my Uncle
I remember the next few years
more for the enormous changes
in my life than the game with Uncle Fred. I got married,
moved to California, got a nice job, in part thanks to a
good contact from my uncle, and Fred also put me on to some
simply excellent investments. In just five years, it was a
rather classic rags to riches story. Nice home, two kids,
and a job that barely taxes my schedule.
As for the game with Fred, I
resigned last year. There was
really no point in continuing it. Fred's position was
simply overwhelming. It was just one strong move after
another. It just goes to show that a weak player can play
really well given enough time to think. This past
Christmas, Fred surprised me with a new Porsche!
I still play chess every now
and again, mostly these days
with my young nephew. I started by offering the kid queen
odds. He now plays pretty well with just the advantage of
a knight. Nice kid too. It's really too bad that my
brother will soon be moving back east. Hopefully, my
nephew and I will be able to keep playing through the mail!
Subj: Bob Played Chess By Mail (S247b)
by Jon Edwards
From: Chess Is Fun on 10/26/01
Bob lived for the mail. Every
day at lunch time, he would
leave his office, cross the street to the Post Office, and
open box 275 in search of postcards. For years, he played
chess through the mail, and every day, he received at least
two cards, sometimes as many as ten.
During his lunch hour... always
at the same small cafe...
he'd order soup and a sandwich and take out a small, heavily
worn leather pocket chess set. While eating, he'd set up
each game in turn. In between bites of the sandwich and
spoonfuls of soup, he'd review the position and the new move,
and mull about the analysis he would undertake that evening.
Life was good.
Bob was aware that many of his
opponents were far more
serious about the game. He was quite content to play mostly
for the fun of it. At the end of the work day, after a
quick meal, he'd set up the position, stare at the board for
a few minutes, and perhaps move the pieces around a bit.
Occasionally, he'd consult one of the ten or so chess books
on his bookshelf. After ten minutes or so, and never more
than hour, he'd fill out his reply and file away his
opponents cards, one by one.
He most enjoyed the short conversations
on each card,
wherever they might lead. Winning was fun, but friendship
was more important. Literature, sports, the weather...
whatever. He remembered many games more for the lively
talk than the moves or the result.
Spring brings changes.
For Bob it meant some new sections
and, for the first time, an entry in the Golden Queens, a
preliminary section with six opponents. He knew that the
players who entered these sections were more serious about
winning, but at least that would mean that they'd be more
likely to reply on time. There was just nothing worse
than an interesting discussion interrupted by a tardy
In the three new games with white,
Bob sent off his
standard first card. In addition to his usual 1.P-K4, he
"Greetings and a pleasure to
meet you via postal chess.
My name is Bob Sawyer. I'm 44, a bank clerk here for the
past twelve years. Unmarried, but very fond of good talk.
Any special interests?"
Three days later, he received
his first card from the
section, from a George Martin. Bob was somewhat
disappointed to see nothing on the card but the move, and
at that in the rather unfeeling algebraic notation that
Bob tried hard to avoid. Still, he did find the move
somewhat intriguing: 1.b4. Throughout the years, nearly
all of his opponents had opened by moving the pawn in
front of either the king or queen, and only rarely P-QB4
He'd never had to play against
P-QN4, and he really had
no idea what to do. He thought about it all through his
soup and sandwich, and even at work for more than hour.
By the time he got home and finished
his supper, Bob felt
unusually tired. He took a few minutes to look quickly
through his chess books, but there was simply nothing
there on this strange first move. He thought about
filling out a reply, almost any reply, and he might well
have done so had there been an interesting conversation
to start. But since his laconic opponent had offered
nothing but the move, Bob decided to sleep on it.
It was a most wonderful dream.
A comfortable chair, soft
lighting, surrounded by many hundreds, perhaps even
thousands of books. Rows and rows of books. And a book
in his hand... a chess book. There was the title, at
the top of every page: 1.P-QN4? The book, opened to the
first page... with a diagram and the key move 1...N-KB3!
in bold type.
Bob woke with a smile.
If only the dream had been real.
How wonderful to have a library with just the right book.
He started his morning routine, a quick shower, cereal,
coffee. But he kept returning to the dream. Amusing, he
thought. It was just a dream, but N-KB3 seems like just
the right idea. At the breakfast table, he filled out the
reply, including his usual introductory comments, and
headed off to work.
All morning long, Bob felt consumed
by the dream. He
rarely ever remembered his dreams, let alone one so vivid
and appropriate to real life. And the room, the library,
had been so satisfying, so comforting. So many beautiful,
Lunch time arrived more quickly
than usual. He collected
three cards at the Post Office and headed off to the cafe.
Two new opponents, both playing 1.P-Q4, and an older game
against Taylor that was now reaching a critical juncture.
In between soup and the sandwich, Bob set up the position
on his pocket set. Bob tried a few different moves for
white and then shook his ahead. "precisely the kind of
position I mess up," he thought to himself. "Looks like I
need to play 34.Q-R4."
And there he might have stopped,
filled out the card and
mailed it. But he thought yet again about his dream and,
on instinct, he decided to wait a day and sleep on it.
He felt unusually tired again
that evening and, immediately
after dinner, lay down on the sofa. Within minutes, he was
Again, he found himself in the
darkly paneled chess library.
In front of him, a polished ivory chess set on an inlaid
board. Across the room were two older gentleman. They
were speaking in another language. Russian perhaps. In
his hand this time was a new book with the title: My Game
with Taylor. He opened the book to the middle and there he
immediately saw : "34.QxKB6!! wins by force."
Bob awoke with a start, immediately
set up the board and,
sure enough, 34.QxKB6 was simply breathtaking. A marvelous
queen sacrifice that led to checkmate in every line.
And so it went. Day after
day, year by year. One sock-
dollager after another, all from his dreams. Sometimes
he'd have a book in his hand. Other times, the two
visitors in his dream would analyze the position for him
and recommend a move.
It was now ten years since the
dreams had started, and Bob
had perfected the routine. He'd take each card in turn,
stare at the position for just a few minutes. Soon, even
a catnap was enough to conjure up the dream and the right
move. Today, he received the cards from one remaining
opponent in the US championship, and even Bob knew that
the game was well in hand. Only a few more moves and Bob
Sawyer, the bank clerk patzer, would reign as the US
champion. With confidence, he stared at the position for
a few moments and went to sleep.
The same comfortable chair, soft
lighting, and thousands
upon thousands of books. And a book in his hand... a
chess book with a picture of Bob on the cover. There was
the title: The Collected Games of Bob Sawyer. He opened
the book to the last page... "Sawyer was perhaps the most
creative correspondence player in American history, Sawyer
was known not only as a fine player, unbeaten in his final
ten years of play, but also as a steadfast correspondent,
never passing up an opportunity to discuss the weather,
sports, or any other subject of the day. The great unful-
filled tragedy of his life was that, at the very moment of
his greatest success, victory in the US championship, he
died in his sleep.
Subj: Feeding Husband Cat Food (S239b, S443)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/28/2001 and 7/15/2005
A woman is enjoying a good game
of bridge with her girl-
friends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix
dinner for my husband! He's going to really be angry if
it's not ready on time."
When she gets home, she realizes
she doesn't have enough
time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the
cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of
cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food,
stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf
just as her husband is pulling up.
She greets her husband and then
watches in horror as he
sits down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband is
really enjoying his dinner. "Darling, this is the best
dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage.
You can make this for me any old day." Needless to say,
every bridge night from then on, the woman made her
husband the same dish.
She told her bridge cronies about
it and they were all
horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.
Two months later her husband
died. The women were sitting
around the card table playing bridge when one of the
cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding
him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you
just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you
murdered your husband?"
The wife calmly replied, "I didn't
kill him. He fell off
the mantel while he was licking himself."
Subj: Poetic Riddle About Fighting (S239)
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/26/2001
30 men with ladies two
gathered for a festive do
dressed quite formal, black and white
yet movement turned to nasty fight.
what's going on?
Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes
A CHESS match!!!!!
Subj: Nude Craps (S227)
From: gheckman on 6/1/2001
(See 'Georgeous Woman At Roulette Table' in WOMEN1)
Two bored Casino Dealers were
waiting for potential gamblers
to sit down at their Craps Table. A very attractive blonde
lady comes over and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on
a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind,
but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she strips naked from
her neck down, and rolls the
dice while yelling...
"Mama needs new clothes!"
After the roll she hollers...
"YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
Then she begins jumping up and
down and hugging each of and
squeezing the dealers. With that she quickly picks up her
money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just
stare at each other all excited and dumbfounded. Finally
one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other
answers.... "I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral of the Story:
Not All Blondes are Dumb.
Subj: Dropping Dead In A Poker Game (S179)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 7/5/00
Six guys were playing poker when
Smith loses $500 on a single
hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing
respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete
their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks,
"Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws. Rippington,
who is always a loser, picks the
short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't
make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen!
Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet.
Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the
Smith house, knocks on the door,
the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your
husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Rippington says, "I'll tell him."
Subj: African Roulette (S461b)
From: ipkis on 97-06-01
and From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/18/2005
The new American ambassador was
being entertained by an
African diplomat. They'd spent the day discussing what the
country had received from the Russians before the new
government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power
plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink
vodka and play Russian roulette."
The American frowned. "Russian
roulette's not a very nice
The diplomat smiled. "That's
why we developed African
roulette. If you want to have good relations with our
country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how."
He pushed a buzzer, and a moment
later six magnificently
built, nude women were ushered in.
"You can choose any one of those
women to give you oral
sex," he told the American. "That's great," the ambassador
said. "That doesn't seem much like Russian roulette."
"Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal."
Subj: Voice Tells Man To Go To Vegas (S49)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #220 on 98-01-03
A guy gets home from work one
night and hears a voice. The
voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your
money, go to Vegas." The man is disturbed at what he hears
and ignores the voice.
The next day when he gets home
from work, the same thing
happens. The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your
house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again the man ignores
the voice, though he is very troubled by the event.
Every day, day after day, the
man hears the same voice when
he gets home from work, "Quit your job, sell your house,
take your money, go to Vegas." Each time the man hears the
voice he becomes increasingly upset.
Finally, after two weeks, he
succumbs to the pressure. He
does quit his job, sells his house, takes his money and
heads to Vegas. The moment the man gets off the plane in
Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrah's."
So he hops in a cab and rushes
over to Harrah's. As soon
as he sets foot in the casino, the voice tells him, "Go to
the roulette table." The man does as he is told.
When he gets to the roulette
table, the voice tells him,
"Put all your money on 17." Nervously, the man cashes in
his money for chips and then puts them all on 17. The
dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette
Around and around the ball caroms.
The man anxiously
watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally
it settles into number . . . 21.
The voice says, "Shit..."
Subj: Telling Dirty Jokes At A Bridge Club
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 8/22/00
(SEE 'Sexist Professor' in COLLEGE1 file)
JoAnn was a busy housewife with
a demanding husband, six
children and a large house. The only relief JoAnn got from
her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with
a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club
relationship was that JoAnn loved to tell off-color stories
and the girls didn't want to hear them.
To teach JoAnn a lesson, the
other women decided that the
next time she told an off-color story, they'd just get up,
walk out, and meet at another home but without her.
Sure enough, at the next bridge
club meeting, JoAnn started,
"You know, girls, there's a rumor going around that a busload
of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big
gold find up in Alaska, and they say..." Just then, the
women all stood up and started for the door.
JoAnn was disconcerted, but only
for a moment. Then she
understood what was going on and said, "Hey! Girls! Hold on,
hold on! There's plenty of time because the bus doesn't leave
Subj: Sees Something Under The Card Table (S110, S631)
From: FrankRoesc on 99-03-07
and From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/24/2005 and 2/6/2009
(See 'Chris Pays $100 To See Nora's Breasts' in BREAST file)
Two couples were playing cards.
John accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table
to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing
any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the
table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen
to get some refreshments.
Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything
that you liked under there?"
John admitted that, well, yes
he did. She said "You can
have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two,
John indicates that he is interested.
She tells him that since Bill
works Friday afternoons and
John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 PM
Friday came and John went to
her house at 2:00 PM. After
paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and
then John left.
Bill came home about 6:00 PM
and asked his wife, "Did John
come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes,
he did stop by for a few minutes."
Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"
She thinks 'Oh hell, he
knows!' Finally she says, "Yes,
he gave me $100."
"Good," Bill says. "John
came by the office this morning
and borrowed $100 from me and said he'd stop by our house
on his way home and pay me back."
Subj: Tommy Catches His Parents Playing Bridge (S133, S662)
Feeling bored, little Tommy wanders
into his parent's bedroom,
and catches them 'on the job'. "What are you doing mother"
"I'm playing Bridge" his mother
answers, "your father is my
With this Tommy leaves and goes
into the living room. In there
he finds his sister and her boyfriend, Pete, going at it like
rabbits on the sofa. "What are you doing" again he asks.
"I'm playing Bridge, Pete is my partner" she answers.
Still feeling bored Tommy wanders
up to the garden shed. In
the shed Tommy finds his granddad having a wank. "What are
you doing granddad" he asks.
"I'm playing Bridge" replies his granddad.
"Where's your partner" asks Tommy,
to which his granddad replies
"Son when you've got a fucking good hand you don't need a
Subj: LA Times Bridge Column (DU)
Paraphrased from LA Times bridge column on 9-12-82
Have you ever wondered what the first game ever played was?
Some people think it was tennis,
because early in the Bible,
it says that, "Joseph served in Pharoah's court."
Others think it was baseball,
since in Genesis it says, "In
the big inning.."
There seems to be no doubt what
the last game ever played
will be - bridge, since at the end of the world..."Gabriel
will play the last trump"
Subj: Short Game Jokes
The Adventure Game (S389b)
Subj: Guess Master (S382b)
From: igiggle on 5/26/2004
You choose a person, object, animal, TV show, or movie
and the program will ask you a series of yes/no questions.
Then it will tell you your choice. This is an artificial
intelligence program that learnes from its mistakes.
18 Infocom Text Adventure Games (S389)
From: igiggle on 7/8/2004
I: The Great Underground Empire
Zork II: The Wizard of Frobozz
Zork III: The Dungeon Master
Zork: The Undiscovered Underground
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Leather Goddesses of Phobos
The Lurking Horror
From:Miniclip on June 20,2004
Subj: The Puzzler (S378)
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/27/2004
Try to get every square black, tricky but possible...
will probably cause most Americans to have a stroke though.
From:Miniclip on June 20,2004
Subj: Bottom Of The Sea (S373)
From: igiggle on 3/6/2004
Very relaxed sort of game, but that doesn't mean it's easy.
From:Ezines$All.com on June 19,2004
Subj: Click-The-Dot Game (S372b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/12/2004
Thirty second test of your mouse coordination
From: mrx on 6/16/2004
Subj: Internet Teddy Bears (S363b)
From: igiggle on 1/6/2004
Move your mouse over the bears and watch the fun.
Teddy Bears - http://www.nobodyhere.com/toren.hier
From: mrx on 6/16/2004
Subj: Battleships On Line (already sent)
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/7/2003
To play Battleships against the computer, go to
Bunch Game (S386b)
From: MiniClip.com on June 16,2004
Subj: Michael Jackson Baby Dropping Game (S307b)
From: coreymac on 12/19/2002
The load time is about one minute at 56K
Looks a lot like Kaboom from 20 years ago.
Mili And Tary HG Game (S385)
From: Classic '80s Games on June 5,2004
Subj: Jay Leno Quote (S93)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-11-11
Theres a new group at [unknown] high school, and to be a
member, you have to be a virgin, and promise to stay a
virgin. This isn't anything new. They had a group like
this when I went to high school. It was called the Chess
Club. -- Jay Leno
Very funny, Jay. Very funny.
Thanks a lot.
Mili And Tary Snow Game (S385b)
From: Classic '80s Games on June 5,2004
Subj: Doctor Called For Poker Game (S204)
..........From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 12/15/2000
The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice
of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered
the doctor. As he was
putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said
the doctor gravely. "In fact,
there are three doctors there already!"
From: mrx on 4/28/2004
OK version on the internet. Use the four
Subj: Two Old Ladies Play Bridge (S225)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 9/22/00
and From: flovilla on 5/24/2001
Two old ladies have played bridge
together for many years,
and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well.
One day, during a game of cards,
one lady suddenly looks up at
the other and says, "I realize we've known each other for many
years, but for the life of me, I just can't bring it to mind...
would you please tell me your name again, dear?"
There is dead silence for a couple
of minutes, then the other
lady responds, "How soon do you need to know?"
From: Classic '80s Games
In putting Duckhunt on my web
site I had to test the
game. When I started I couldn't hit a duck. By the
end I walked away from the game still playing with a
score of 1,000,300 in 63 levels. Practice makes perfect.
From: Classic '80s Games
Subj: The Pariah Chess Club (S309b)
From: tadams96 on 12/31/2002
Joel has worked for over two years to bring chess and its
ambience to Benicia. He has started a Friday night chess
club which gets kind of lonely sometimes. Maybe this
article about another small chess club will bring a smile
to Joel and other chess players faces.
Space Invaders (S383b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/1/2004
Subj: Nemo Aqua Energizer... (S382)
From: mrx on 5/25/2004
Cute logic type game. It is very addictive.
Subj: Presidential Knock-Out (S382)
You play either Bush or Kerry and box the other candidate.
A fun cute game at - http://www.miniclip.com/knockout.htm
From: mrx on 5/19/2004
Subj: Maze Puzzles (S381b)
From: igiggle on 5/12/2004
Adrian Fisher's favourite maze puzzles.
If you are a gamester, these are great fun
Subj: Switch a Roo (S378b)
From: igiggle on 4/23/2004
Cute online game. Took me a while to figure it out.
Push Pull (S372)
From: igiggle on 3/6/2004
Subj: BJ roulette
You take your pick of six native girls for a blow job,
but one is a cannibal.
Subj: Chess Players At Hotel (S261, S610c)
From: auntieg on 98-02-12
and From: hellgunner50 on 9/16/2008
(See "Frank and Ernest Comic Strip" in HELL)
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the
office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as
they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
Subj: Other Chess Jokes
From: ossama on 99-02-25
When you're finally holding all the cards,
why does everyone else decide to play chess?
The word "Checkmate" in chess
comes from the Persian phrase
"Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead".
"Chess is a foolish expedient
for making idle people believe
they are doing something very clever when they are only
wasting their time." George Bernard Shaw.
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/2/2002 (S270c)
"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
-- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)
Playing cards were issued to
British pilots in WWII. If
captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to
reveal a map for escape.
From: Rodney Dangerfield
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
From: auntieg on 98-11-14
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king
from history. (Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the
Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.)
From: RFSlick on 98-12-07
Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal
partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of
bridge. -- Bill Cosby
From: mombear1 on 8/21/2001 (S238)
The number of possible ways of playing the first four
moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/11/2002 (S272c)
Life consists not in holding good cards,
but in playing those you hold well.
-- Josh Billings
From: dogbyte on 4/28/2002 (S274c)
The surest way to remain
a winner is to win once,
and then not play any more.
From: dogbyte on 3/3/2003 (S319)
If you don't know what game you're playing,
...don't ask what the score is!
Q: Why is bridge like sex?
A: If you have a good hand you don't need a partner.
Q: Why can't you play cards in
A: Because there's too many cheetas! -- Sir James of Steele
|Smiley plays the Miss Pacman