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Subj:     How Many
                 (Includes 73 jokes and articles, 29 1033n,5,cf,wXT4,2)

Man Flips Coin
from
Accent on Animation
Includes the following:  Screwing In A Lightbulb - GIF (S404)
.........................How Many Women-Change A Light Bulb? (S174, S325)
.........................How Many More Doctors Does It Take - Short Film (S566)
.........................How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? (S479b)
.........................Home Schooler Changes A Light Bulb? (S288b, DU)
.........................Bush Administration Light Bulb Joke (S493b, DU)
.........................How Many Lawyers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? (DU)
.........................How Many Republicans to Change a Lightbulb? (S889)
.........................How Many SEC Students...ToChangeLightBulb? (S301b)
.........................Get Fuzzy Sunday Comic Strip (DU)
.........................How Many _____ To Change A Light Bulb?
.........................How Many Men - GIF (S463b)
.........................Other How Many's

Also see BLONDE1 file - 'Not So Dumb Blonde Gets Time Off'
         CHURCH file  - 'How many Christians... to change a light bulb?'
         DOGS2 file   - 'How Many Dogs To Change A Light Bulb?
         MATH3-SUPP   - 'How Many Ways Can You Arrange A Deck Of Cards?' - Video
         PHYSICS3 file- 'How Many Physicists To Change A Light Bulb?'
============================================================Top
Subj:     Screwing In A Lightbulb (S404)
          From: JokesUncut on 6/26/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
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Top
Subj:     How Many Women w/PMS... To Change A Light Bulb? (S174, S325)
          From: collins on 5/27/00
      and From: szalay on 4/16/2003

 Q: How many women w/PMS does it take to screw
    in a light bulb?
 A: One.

 ONE!!  And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?  Because no
 one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb.
 They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT.  They would
 sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they
 figured it OUT.  And once they figured it out they wouldn't
 be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they
 have been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
 But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light
 bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two
 rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb
 would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!  AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD
 BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME
 IN!  WHY?!  BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT
 THE GARBAGE!!  IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED
 FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT
 THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!  IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

 I'm sorry...what did you ask me?

Top
Subj:     How Many More Doctors Does It Take
.............To Change A Light Bulb (S566d)
          From: tom on 8/12/2013
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/gSw4CLV14sQ

 One man's faith in the medical profession is about to be
 "sorely" tested in this short film directed by Marie Patane.
 It won the Movie Extra Tropfest Australia Finalist 2012.
 Click 'HERE' to see this silly, short video.

Top
Subj: How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? (S479b, S663b)
      From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/23/2006

  1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young,
     we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside
     worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

  2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any
     wiring that's not up to code.

  3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

  4. Rottweiler: Make me.

  5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys
     in the dark.

  6. Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light
     bulb!  Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze,
     please please, please!

  7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these
     people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed
     any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that
     no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

  8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm
     bouncing off the walls and furniture..

  9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't
     see a light bulb!

 10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the
     carpet in the dark.

 11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no
     stinking light bulb."

 12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

 13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs
     in a little circle...

 14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and
     he'll do it.  By the time he finishes rewiring the house,
     my nails will be dry.

Top
Subj:     Home Schooler Changes A Light Bulb? (S288b, DU)

 Q: How does a home schooler change a light bulb?

 A: First, mom checks three books on electricity out of
 the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs,
 read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based
 on his life.  Next, everyone studies the history of
 lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own
 candles.

 Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they
 compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and
 figure out how much change they'll get if they buy
 two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five dollar bill.
 On the way home, a discussion develops over the
 history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his
 picture is on the five dollar bill. Finally, after
 building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged
 from the woods, the light bulb is installed.  And
 there is light.

Top
Subj:     Bush Administration Light Bulb Joke (S493b, DU)
          From: darrell94590 on 7/6/2006

  How many members of the Bush Administration
  does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

  2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says
     the light bulb needs to be changed,

  3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb,

  4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are
     either for changing the light bulb or for darkness,

  5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to
     Haliburton for the new light bulb,

  6. One to arrange a photo-op of Bush, dressed as a janitor,
     standing on a stepladder under the banner: "Light Bulb
     Change Accomplished".

  7. One administration insider to resign and write a book
     documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.

  8. One to viciously smear #7,

  9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how
     George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy
     all along,

 10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference
     between screwing a light bulb and screwing everyone else.

Top
Subj: How Many Lawyers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? (DU)
      From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/1/2006

 Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

 A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer",
    and the party of the second part, also known as "Light
    Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction
    wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be
    removed from the current position as a result of failure
    to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e. the
    lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the
    area ranging from the front (north) door, through the
    entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary
    living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet,
    any spillover illumination being at the option of the
    party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by
    the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

    The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but
    not be limited to, the following steps:

    The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
    elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool,
    ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of
    the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the
    second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,
    this point being non-negotiable.

    Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
    (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third
    part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer)
    shall have the option of disposing of the party of the
    second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all
    applicable state, local and federal statutes.

    Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party
    of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of
    beginning installation of the party of the fourth part
    ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a
    manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures
    described in step one of this self-same document, being
    careful to note that the rotation should occur in a
    clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

    Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the
    option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any
    or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to
    produce the most possible revenue for the party of the
    fifth part, also known as "Partnership."

Top
Subj:     How Many Republicans to Change a Lightbulb? (S889d)
          From: Being Liberal on Facebook on 1/22/2014
 Source: PolitComments.com
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Top
Subj:     How Many SEC Students Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? (S301b)
          From: Cypriot on 11/8/2002

 At VANDERBILT:  It takes two ...
   one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did
   it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.

 At GEORGIA:  It takes two ...
   one to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer
   at Georgia Tech for instructions.

 At FLORIDA:  It takes four ...
   one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how
   to get stoned off the old one.

 At ALABAMA:  It takes five ...
   one to change it, three to reminisce about how the
   Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old
   bulb at an NCAA investigator.

At OLE MISS:  It takes six ...
   one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find
   the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At LSU:  It takes seven ...
   and each one gets credit for five semester hours.

At KENTUCKY:  It takes eight ...
   one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much
   brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.

At TENNESSEE:  It takes ten ...
   two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an
   orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in
   show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.

At MISSISSIPPI STATE:  It takes fifteen ...
   one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and
   twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".

At AUBURN:  It takes one hundred ...
   one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they
   did it better than Alabama, and fifty to get drunk
   and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.

At SOUTH CAROLINA:  It takes 80,000 ...
   one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally
   will be the year that they have a decent football team.

At ARKANSAS:  None ... There is no electricity in Arkansas.

Top
Subj:     Get Fuzzy Sunday Comic Strip (DU)
          By Darby Conley on 10/16/2011
..........At: http://www.gocomics.com/getfuzzy/2011/10/16

 Click 'HERE' to see this somewhat lame joke about
 How Many ___s To Change A Light Bulb.

Top
Subj:     How Many _____ Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

 Q: How many agnostics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: None. Agnostics question whether light bulbs really exist.

 Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: None. Atheists don't believe in light bulbs.

 Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: 1. She stands on the ladder and waits for the world to
    revolve around her.
 A: What's a light bulb?

 Q: How many Branch Davidians does it take to screw
    in a light bulb?
 A: None, they provide their own illumination.

 Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: About one third less than for a regular bulb.

 Q: How many carpenters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Fuck you! That's the electrician's job.

 Q: How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Two, one to do it and a priest to hear him confess and
    give the old bulb last rites.

 Q: How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Three, but they're really one.

 Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough
    to reach the bulb.

 Q: How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: Just one, but the soonest he can do it is in two months.
    by Andrew Bedno 6/91

 Q: How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: None, he'll have to refer you to a specialist.
    by Andrew Bedno 6/91

 Q: How many dyslexics does it take to bulb a light change?
 A: Eno.

 Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.

 Q: How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of
    the bulb.  Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might
    be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the room. It
    is all relative.

 Q: How many fundamentalists does it take to screw
    in a light bulb?
 A: THE BIBLE DOES *NOT* SAY *ANYTHING* ABOUT LIGHT BULBS!!!!

 Q: How many hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Huh?...What? Oh, it's dark in here?

 Q: How many homeowners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Only one, but it takes him two weekends and
    three trips to the hardware store.

 Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity anymore.

 Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: 21, one to hold the bulb and 20 to drink until
    the room spins.

From: pns on 10/30/2003 (S352b)
 Q: How many sons does it take to change a light bulb
    for one Jewish mother?
 A: None. Don't worry about your mother. You go have a good
    time.  I'll just sit here in the dark, again.  Alone.

 Q: How many Jewish Princesses does it take to screw
    in a light bulb?
 A: What? And wreck my nails?
 A: Two. One to get the diet Cokes out of the fridge and
    the other to call Daddy.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/7/2006 (S504b in jewish3)
 Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change
    a light bulb?
 A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark.
    I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."
 

 Q: How many male chauvenists does it take to change
    a kitchen lightbulb?
 A: None silly , you get the bitch to do the washing
    up in the dark!

 Q: How many missionaries does it take to screw
    in a light bulb?
 A: One, and thirty natives to see the light.

 Q: How many pentium users does it take to screw
    in a lightbulb?
 A: Three.  One to hold the ladder, and the other
    to change the bulb!

 Q: How many Poles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Five-one to hold the bulb in the socket and stand on a
    table and the other four to rotate the table.
    (This is the grandparent of all light bulb jokes, so it
    heads the list.  You can use it against any group you
    want to stereotype as dumb).

 Q: How many pot growers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: None, they use fluorescent bulbs instead.

 Q: How many priests does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: None, priests can't screw.

 Q: How many producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: None, producers screw in hot tubs.

 Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
 A: Only one, but the lighbulb has to want to change.

 Q: How many Rats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: 2, but it is difficult getting them into the light bulb.

 Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw
    in a light bulb?
 A: One, but it takes twelve steps.
 A: One, as long as he admits he's powerless over light bulbs.
 A: One to screw it in and one to sponsor him.

 Q: How many sport fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: Five, and you should've seen the light bulb!
    It must have been *this* big.

 Q: How many suburbanites does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: One, but it has to look like every other light bulb on the block.

 Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 A: Two.  One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the
    bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

 Q: How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: 53. You got a problem with that, buddy?
 A: 65. -Why 65? I don't know, it's in the contract.

 Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: One to change the bulb, and hundreds of others to take credit.

From: thebartend on 6/9/00 (S175)
 Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: ONE - He just holds it up there and waits for the
    world to revolve around him.

 Q: How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: None, the sockets go with the house.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #34 on 98-02-04
 Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: One. Men will screw anything

From: DR SWITZER on 98-02-24
 Q: How many Microsoft phone help technicians
    does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: Please hold, your call is important to us.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #195 on 98-08-23
 Q: How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
 A: She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 8/9/00
 Q: How many software people does it take to screw
    in a light bulb?
 A: None. That's a hardware problem.

 Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change
    a light bulb?
 A: None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb
    as a feature.

 Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds
    of its own revolution.

 Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: That's not funny!!!

 Q: How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change
    a light bulb?
 A: None. They will never find one that burned as brightly
    as the first one.

 Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: None. It turned itself in.

 Q: How many football players does it take to change
    a light bulb?
 A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's
    credit for it!

 Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a
    candle... and one to change the bulb.

 Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to change
    a light bulb?
 A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

From: kmacinty on 6/23/2002 (S282b)
 Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a
    light bulb?
 A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency
    room to get it out!

From: LABLaughsAdult on 02/01/2005 (S419b)
 Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: 2 (that's if you can get them inside the light bulb)
 

From: jbcary1 on 4/1/2005 (S427b)
 Q: How many kids with Attention Deficit Disorder
    does it take to change a lightbulb?
 A: Let's go ride bikes!

Top
Subj:     How Many Men (S463b)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 12/7/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
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Top
Subj:     Other How Many's

From: Newsweek, September 25,2006, page 27 (S504b - space2)
 "We sure appreciate you answering that age-old question from
  Mission Control - how many astronauts does it take to unscrew
  a bolt.  Apparently, it takes three."  Pam Melroy, of Mission
  Control, to astronauts stymied by a stuck bolt while
  performing work on the International Space Station.
 

From: Scott's Joke Archive on 7/22/01
 According to a U. S. Department of Energy memo reported by
 the Denver Post in December, the number of workers it takes
 to change a light bulb, on a certain vital safety system at
 the Rocky Flats nuclear weapons plant, is 43, requiring
 1,087.1 person-hours. [Denver Post, Dec92] (294)

 Q: How many fratboys does it take to wallpaper a room?
 A: That too depends on how thinly you slice them.

 Q: How many astronauts can you fit in a Honda Civic?
 A: 12.  Two in the front, Three in the back, and
    seven in the ashtray.

From: igiggle on 5/2/2003 (S327b)
 Q: How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: None.  You don't need it out today, but if it continues
    to give you trouble in the future, you should consider
    removing it.

From: igiggle on 7/17/2004 (S390b)
 Q: How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: None.   They'd wait for a suitable donor and
    do a filament transplant.


From: igiggle on 5/3/2003 (S327b)
 Q: How many art students does it take to change a lightbulb?
 A: One, but he gets two credits.

From: CKButch4Femme on 7/31/2005 (S445b - gay)
 Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: 2 if they're small enough (think about that
    one for a minute!)

From Math6
 Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 A: None.  It's left to the reader as an exercise.

 Q: How many topologists does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: It really doesn't matter, since they'd rather knot.

From: LABLaughsClean on 11/11/2007 (S564b)
 Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: Only one, but you need at least three light bulbs.

 A: How many NASA engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
 Q: None. Changing a light bulb isn't rocket science, y'know?

 Q: How many graduate students does it take to
    change a light bulb?
 A: One, but it may take five years.

 Q: How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: Two. One to refer you to a bulb-changing specialist,
    one to make the change.

 Q: How many committee meetings does it take to
    change a light bulb?
 A: This item was resumed from last week's discussion,
    but is incomplete pending resolution of some other
    action items.  It will be tabled until our next meeting.

 Q: How many contractors does it take to change a light bulb?
 A: I'll have an estimate for you on Monday.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
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....................From The Good Life in Paradise
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