Subj: Movies_Etc Supp2
(Includes 46 jokes and articles, 05977n,43,cf,vXT3,33)
Laurel and Hardy
Subj: George Gobel On The Johnny Carson Show (S629, S800d)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/12/2009
..........Bob Hope, Dean Martin, and George Gobel on
..........Tonight Show w/Johnny Carson Show in 1969.
..........Click 'HERE' to see this very funny video.
America's Got Talent (S631b,d)
From: tom on 2/5/2009
This 'Russian Bar Trio' is one
of the most life-threatening
acts ever performed on America's Got Talent. Click 'HERE'
to view it.
Pilobolus On Late Night
With Conan O'Brien (S620d)
From: darrellvip on 11/24/2008
Pilobolus is a shadow dance group
which does amazing
shows. In this video they are performing on Late Night
With Conan O'Brien. You can view this great show by
Subj: Mary Poppins Stays At A Hotel (S136)
From: PGSP4LIFE on 9/2/99
Mary Poppins was travelling home
but due to worsening weather,
she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached
the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.
"Certainly madam", he replied curteously.
"Is the restaurant open still?" enquired Mary.
"Sorry, no", came the reply,
"but room service is available
all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?"
Mary smiled and took the menu
and perused it. "Hmm, I would
like hmmm cauliflower cheese please", said Mary.
"Certainly madam", he replied.
"And can I have breakfast in
bed?" asked Mary politely. The
receptionist nodded and smiled.
"In that case, I would love a
couple of eggs please...poached,"
Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and
went up to her room for the night.
The night passed uneventfully
and next morning Mary came down
early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk.
"Morning madam..sleep well?"
"Yes thank you", Mary replied.
"Food to your liking?"
"Well, I have to say the cauliflower
cheese was exceptional,
I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs though.
They really weren't that nice at all," Mary replied truthfully.
"Oh.. well perhaps you could
care to contribute these thoughts
to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve
our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist.
"OK I will... thanks!" replied
Mary, who then checked out,
paused a while, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving,
she left to continue her journey.
Curious, the receptionist picked
up the book to see the
comment Mary had written. Here it is...
Pilobolus at the 79th Oscars (S620d)
From: YouTube.com on 11/26/2008
Photo from GoogleSearch
You can watch Pilobolus at the
79th Oscars hosted by
Elen Degeneres by clicking 'HERE'.
SNL's Cork Soakers Skit (S510d, S836)
From: edapsmas on 11/1/2006
Source: (Removed from YouTube.com)
The very funny cork soaking skit
was aired on Saturday Night
Live on January 21,2006. It included guest star Janet Jackson
and the SNL regulars Jimmy Fallon, Maya Rudolph, and Rachel
Dratch. Click 'HERE' to see one of the funniest skits ever
done in SNL history.
Subj: A Stranger Moved In Our Home (S528b)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 3/6/2007
A few months before I was born,
my Dad met a stranger who
was new to our small Tennessee town. From the beginning,
Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon
invited him to live with our family. The stranger was
quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the
world a few months later.
As I grew up, I never questioned
his place in my family.
In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were
complementary instructors: Mom taught me the word of God,
and Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger -- he was
our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on
end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.
If I wanted to know anything
about politics, history or
science, he always knew the answers about the past, under-
stood the present and even seemed able to predict the
future! He took my family to the first major league ball
game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger
never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.
Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly
while the rest of us
were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say,
and she would go to her room and read her books (I wonder
now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)
Dad ruled our household with
certain moral convictions,
but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them.
Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home...
not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime
visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that
burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.
My Dad was a teetotaler who didn't
permit alcohol in the
home, not even for cooking. But the stranger encouraged
us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look
cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked
freely (much too freely!) about sex.
His comments were sometimes blatant,
and generally embarrassing. I now know that my early
concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by
the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of
my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... and NEVER asked
More than fifty years have passed
since the stranger moved
in with our family. He has blended right in and is not
nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you
were to walk into my parent's den today, you would still
find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone
to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His
We just call him, "TV."
This is Rex Barker reminding
you that while there is
certainly some great (albeit limited) programming on
television, it is not called the "Boob Tube" for no reason.
TV Tetris In Japan (S546d in Asian)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/25/2007
..........Source: (Removed from www.stupidity.org)
The Japanese are so weird, and
yet, so awesome. This
25,000 KB video is big, but too good to not put on my
site. You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Funny English Sub-Titles From Hong Kong Films (S515b)
From: From: danschu63 on 12/1/2006
1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
3. Gun wounds again?
4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
10. You always use violence.
I should've ordered
glutinous rice chicken.
11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
12. You daring lousy guy.
13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
14. I have been scared shitless too much lately.
15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?
19. This will be of fine service
for you, you bag of the
scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your
manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for
your aunts to eat. [sic, of course]
20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman!
I have captured you by the
short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your
gynecologist for a thorough examination.
21. Greetings, large black person.
Let us not forget to
form a team up together and go into the country to
inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of
the giant lizard person.
Robert DeNiro On Saturday Night Live
From: edapsmas on 4/8/2008 (S585d)
On Saturday Night Live, Season
28 Episode 7, aired on
December 7,2002, Robert DeNiro first hosted the show.
He opened the SHL with the skit titled 'C-SPAN:
Terrorist Warnings.' In this SNL introduction, DeNiro
reads the names of suspected terrorists in a C-SPAN
TV report. Click 'HERE' to see this grainy, cute skit.
Subj: Meeting Paul Newman (S509b, S848)
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/23/2006
and From: virv on 4/2/2013
A Michigan woman and her family
were vacationing in a small
New England town where Paul Newman and his family often
visited. One Sunday morning the woman got up early to take
a long walk.
After a brisk five-mile hike,
she decided to treat herself
to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the
car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to
the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one
other patron in the store.
Paul Newman, sitting at the counter
having a doughnut and
The woman's heart skipped a beat
as her eyes made contact
with those famous baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded
graciously and the star-struck woman smiled demurely.
"Pull yourself together!", she
chides herself. You're a
happily married woman with three children. You're forty-
five-years old, not a teenager!
The clerk filled her order and
she took the double-dip
chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the
other. Then when she went out the door, avoiding even a
glance in Paul Newman's direction.
When she reached her car, she
realized that she had a handful
of change - but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice
cream cone? Did I leave it in the store?
Back into the shop she went,
expecting to see the cone still
in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or
something. But no ice cream cone was in sight. With that,
she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke
into his familiar warm, friendly grin and he said to the
"You put it in your purse."
Tom Hanks Is James Bond, Spoof Trailer (S568b, S822d)
From: CKButch4Femme on 12/10/2007
Photo from Star-Palace
Tom Hanks has been in 23 movies
and a whopping 21 of them have been
very good. Why not Hanks as the next James Bond. Click 'HERE' to
view this cute video.
Subj: The Man Who Had No Face (S181)
From: octagon999 on 7/17/00
Here is a true story by Paul
Harvey. Pass it to anyone who
you think would find it interesting and inspiring. You
will be surprised who this young man turns out to be. (Do
not look at the bottom of this letter until you have read
Years ago, a hardworking man
took his family from New York
State to Australia to take advantage of a work opportunity
there. Part of this man's family was a handsome young son
who had aspirations of joining the circus as a trapeze
artist or an actor.
This young fellow, biding his
time until a circus job or
even one as a stagehand came along, worked at the local
shipyards which bordered on the worst section of town.
Walking home from work one evening,
this young man was
attacked by five thugs wanting to rob him. Instead of just
giving up his money the young fellow resisted. However
they bested him easily and proceeded to beat him to a pulp.
They mashed his face with their boots, and kicked and beat
his body brutally with clubs, leaving him for dead. When
the police happened to find him lying in the road they
assumed he was dead and called for the Morgue Wagon.
On the way to the morgue a policeman
heard him gasp for air,
and they immediately took him to the emergency unit at the
hospital. When he was placed on a gurney a nurse remarked,
to her horror, that this young man no longer had a face.
Each eye socket was smashed, his skull, legs, and arms
fractured, his nose literally hanging from his face, all
his teeth were gone, and his jaw was almost completely torn
from his skull.
Although his life was spared,
he spent over a year in the
hospital. When he finally left, his body may have healed
but his face was disgusting to look at. He was no longer
the handsome youth that everyone admired.
When the young man started to
look for work again he was
turned down by everyone just on account of the way he looked.
One potential employer suggested to him that he join the
freak show at the circus as The Man Who Had No Face. And he
did this for a while. He was still rejected by everyone and
no one wanted to be seen in his company. He had thoughts of
suicide. This went on for five years.
One day he passed a church and
sought some solace there.
Entering the church he encountered a priest who had seen him
sobbing while kneeling in a pew. The priest took pity on
him and took him to the rectory where they talked at length.
The priest was impressed with him to such a degree that he
said that he would do everything possible for him that could
be done to restore his dignity and life, if the young man
would promise to be the best Catholic he could be, and trust
in God's mercy to free him from his torturous life.
The young man went to Mass and
communion every day, and after
thanking God for saving his life, asked God to only give him
peace of mind and the grace to be the best man he could ever
be in His eyes.
The priest, through his personal
contacts was able to secure
the services of the best plastic surgeon in Australia. There
would be no cost to the young man, as the doctor was the
priest's best friend. The doctor too was so impressed by the
young man. Whose outlook now on life, even though he had
experienced the worst, was filled with good humor and love.
The surgery was a miraculous
success. All the best dental
work was also done for him. The young man became everything
he promised God he would be. He was also blessed with a
wonderful, beautiful wife, many children, and success in an
industry which would have been the furthest thing from his
mind as a career, if not for the goodness of God and the love
of the people who cared for him. This he acknowledges publicly.
scroll down . . . . . . .
The young man. Mel Gibson.
His life was the inspiration
for his production of the movie
"The Man Without A Face."
Famous Last Words From Movies (S625c)
From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 8/8/2008
Drawing from FotoSearch.com...
Name the movies that end with
the following dialogue:
1. "Louis, I think this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship."
2. "Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is Mrs. Norman Maine."
3. "'Twas beauty that killed the beast."
4. "I used to hate the water."/"I can't imagine why."
5. "There's no place like home."
6. "Tomorrow is another day."
7. "And her daughter, Gypsy."
8. "I am, George, I am."
9. "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."
10. "I was cured, all right!"
Bailout Plan by Wanda Sykes on Jay Leno (S632)
From: darrellvip on 2/19/2009 (in National-Supp)
..........Source: (Removed from youtube.com)
Subj: Truths About Life I Learned From Bad '80s Comedies (S208)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 1/24/2001
Smart people wear thick glasses,
button-down shirts, and
slacks. Dumb people wear football uniforms.
Everyone in high school was having
sex except you and the
Your dog is way smarter than you.
France is populated entirely
by attractive young women and
Every Southern town has a fat redneck sheriff named "Smokey."
Mexico is populated entirely by vacationing frat boys.
Parents always come back from vacation a day early.
There are no ugly prostitutes.
It's only possible to win any
sporting event in the last
three seconds of the game.
Cheerleaders hate having their shirts on.
The best way to escape your enemies
is to drive on the wrong
side of the road.
A student who's failing every
class can still rig up an
elaborate device to to answer his phone when he calls in sick.
Johnny Carson and Dom deLuise
From: tom on 1/14/2009 (S627, S801d)
Dom deLuise does a magic act
on the Johnny Carson Show.
This routine is very, very funny. Don't miss this one.
Click 'HERE' to see this wonderful routine.
Subj: Generic Disaster Movie Script (S79)
From: ossama on 98-07-29
(The movie opens in a suburban
home, where, the heroine
is having breakfast with her adorable son.)
HEROINE : Well, it's a peaceful
day! No sign of any disasters!
SON: Mom, do you have a husband or romance interest?
HEROINE : No, Bobby, although I am a top scientist and
(The phone rings.)
HEROINE : Uh-oh! I hope that's
not a worker from the
lab, calling to tell me about an impending disaster!
LAB WORKER : Trish, a disaster is impending!
HEROINE : I'll be right there! (To her son:) Bobby,
you stay here and be vulnerable.
SON : Mom, will the disaster end up striking this exact
house and placing me in grave danger?
HEROINE : Of course!
(We see an exterior shot of
the White House. Inside,
the president, looking grim, is holding an emergency
PRESIDENT : Haven't I seen that
exterior shot before?
VICE PRESIDENT : It's the same one they use in the
Tom Clancy movies.
PRESIDENT : OK, somebody set up the plot.
SCIENCE ADVISER : Mr. President, unless something is done,
a disaster is going to strike in 90 minutes, sending
miniature cars flying in all directions.
PRESIDENT : Ninety minutes! Why so long?
SCIENCE ADVISER : We need to build up the suspense.
GENERAL : Sir, we must launch a nuclear strike against
PRESIDENT : Why?
GENERAL : I hate Houston.
PRESIDENT (To the hero) : Jake, you're incredibly good-
looking. I want you to take your minority sidekick and
get over to the laboratory immediately and develop a
romance interest with the heroine. If this movie is
rated ``R,'' she can show her breasts.
HERO : I'll do what I can, sir.
(The next scene is in the laboratory.
The hero and
heroine are staring intently at a computer screen.)
HEROINE : . . . and so by using
the mouse pointer, you can
drag the three of clubs over onto the four of diamonds.
(A lab worker rushes up.)
LAB WORKER : Trish, the pantograph
is giving us a vector
plasma reading in the cosine range!
HERO : What does that mean?
HEROINE : Nothing. It's movie science gibberish. But it's
time for the disaster! And my son is home alone!
(The scene shifts to the heroine's
are screaming; miniature cars are flying everywhere.)
HEROINE : This is terrible!
Thousands of people
are being killed!
HERO : It's OK! They're extras!
SON : Help! Help!
HEROINE : My God! It's Billy!
SON : No, it's Bobby!
HEROINE : Oh, right.
HERO : I'll save him!
HEROINE : Watch out for the special effects!
(The hero, dodging miniature flying cars, saves the son.)
HEROINE : Now we can be a family
SON : With Val Kilmer? I thought the hero was going
to be Tom Cruise.
HERO : He wasn't available.
(The final scene takes place
back to the White House,
where everybody is relieved.)
PRESIDENT : Whew! Although we
lost 124 million people,
all the main characters survived except the minority
(The Cabinet applauds.)
GENERAL : So now can we attack
PRESIDENT: OK by me.
Subj: More Short Movie Jokes
by John Graziano on 5/28/2009
Solid Potato Salad - The Ross Sisters (S641b,d)
From: tom on 4/20/2009
Photo from YouTube.com
I Love Jesus, But I Drink A Little
From: rfslick on 2/12/2009 (S632d)
..........Source: (Removed from YouTube.com)
When TV Was Cool (S627b)
From: gattica30 on 1/15/2009
GIF from Peter's Palace
Installing Your Digital TV Converter Box
From: tom on 10/22/2008 (S615dwmv)
Next Season On Dancing With The Stars!! (S613b)
From: tom on 10/18/2008
Happy Days' Actors (S612)
From: Television.aol.com on 10/2/2008
Photo from Retna...
Welcome Back Kotter: Where Are They Now? (S600)
From: Television.aol.com on 7/14/2008
Photo from Everett Collection
We Wish You A Merry Christmas (S569d)
From: tom on 12/15/2007 (in Christmas1)
On the Jay Leno's Tonight Show, a man plays 'We Wish You
Celebrity Wax Figures (S585)
From: AOL Music on 4/7/2008
..........Source (Removed from music.aol.com)
Casablanca In A PowerPoint (S585)
From: darrellvip on 4/6/2008
This 4,100 KB PowerPoint Show will wisk you through
Four Funny Commercials (S577b,dwmv)
From: aldavito on 1/28/2008
Lord Of The Rings Parody (S567d)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/29/2007
Writers' Strike (S566c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/26/2007
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Contortionist (S552b,d in Other-Occup)
From: ginafm on 8/16/2007
The Insult Comic Dog, At The Tonys
From: YouTube.com on 8/16/2007 (S552b,d)
Star Wars Premier In New York City (S551d)
From: YouTube.com on 8/11/2007 (in ST1)
Paul Potts Sings Opera (S550d in Englishman)
From: samhutkins on 8/5/2007
Four Jay Leno Interviews (S549c,d)
From: rfslick on 7/21/2007
On the Street Where You Live (S548b,d)
From: Media @ Large on 7/18/2007 (in Mus-Supp)
Picture from Damav.com
The Past And Black and White TV (S547)
From: rfslick on 7/7/2007
This trip down memory lane is a little bit disjointed,
South Park On Wheel Of Fortune (S543c,d)
From: edapsmas on 6/14/2007
Audrey Hepburn's "Beauty Tips" (S535)
From: darrell94590 on 4/20/2007
Photo from PosterShop...
Fred Astaire Tap Dancing (S534d)
From: darrell94590 on 4/17/2007
Defense Against The Dark Arts (S533)
From: Entertainment Weekly
in the April6,2007 Issue
Movie Start, Then And Now - PPS (S531c)
From: edapsmas on 3/28/2007
Eddie Haskell, The Beaver, And Wally
From: darrell94590 on 3/17/2007 (S530c)
You can see this modern picture of these 50's stars
World's Most Dangerous Comedian (S528d)
From: darrell94590 on 2/28/2007
..........From: JOELFALLON on 12/11/06
The Land of Sandra Dee - Poem (S509c)
From: darrell94590 on 10/23/2006
Picture from RTV Slovenija
Mae West Quotation (S494c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/10/2006
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
A True Lone Ranger Story (S546d in Cowboy2)
From: Stupidity.org on 7/1/2007
Photo from Paul ? Sue's Hoempage
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 2/21/2007
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly,
and lie about your age." -- Lucille Ball
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/11/2007 (S536b)
"The less secure a man is, the more likely he is
to have extreme prejudices." -- Clint Eastwood
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 5/28/2007
"I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts.
But I can't stop eating peanuts." -- Orson Welles
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 6/23/2007
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be
necessary from time to time to give a stupid or
misinformed beholder a black eye." -- Miss Piggy
..........................Byes from Imogenelumen on 8/8/04