Star Trek and Space Jokes 1
(Includes 51 jokes and articles, 17 1014n,30,cf,wXT2d,23)
Space Ships from
AGAG Animation Gallery
Also see ALIENS file - 'Crop
......................- 'How To Greet Aliens
ASIAN file - 'Unusual Origami Method' - Video
.........BAR1 file - 'Where Do Astronauts Hangout? - Drawing
BEER1 file - 'Beer In Space'
BLACK1 file - 'Eyes On The Stars By StoryCorps' - Video
CHRISTMAS3 - 'The Night Before Christmas On The Enterprise'
CHRISTMAS-SUP- 'Captain Picard Sings "Let It Snow!"' - Video
FACTS2 file - 'US Standard Railroad Gauge'
FACTS3 file - 'The Astronaut Pen'
FART file - 'Star Trek's Gaseous Cloud'
FART-SUPP - 'Beans, A Short Film'
INDIAN file - 'Navajo Wisdom'
LAWYER1 file - 'Lawyer Astronaut'
MATH2 file - 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not!'
MATH4-SUPP - 'PUZZLE - Space Patrol'
MATH4b file - 'The Argyle Sweater' - Cartoon
MOVIES-SUPP - 'Disney's Tomorrowland - Official Trailer 3'
PROGRAMMER - 'How To Hire A Programmer'
RUSSIAN file - 'Russian Shuttles Equipped w/Shotguns'
SCIENCE-SUPP - 'Stephen Hawking: Questioning The Universe' - Video
WAITER-Waitrs- 'Waitress Sued Hooters Restaurant'
Subj: ISS HD Earth Viewing Experiment (S903)
One of the latest missions from the ISS is kind of amazing.
The High Definition Earth Viewing (HDEV) experiment consists
of four cameras that have been attached outside of the ISS.
Though temperature is controlled, the cameras are exposed to
the radiation from the sun, which will allow astronauts to
understand how radiation affects the instruments.
point down at Earth at all times, which makes
for some breathtaking images. The feed will sometimes go
down as the signal switches between the cameras, and it is
hard to see when the ISS is on the dark side of the planet.
If the cameras are down, the screen will be grey.
Click on the Source, to see the live feed.
Kubu Night Sky (S892d)
Photographed by Isak Pretorius
Photo from Twitter.com...
Isak is a specialist wildlife
photographic guide from
South Africa. His discovery of nature's special moments
at a young age shaped his aspirations of today: to show-
case the beauty of his continent's natural wonders in a
creative way. The Kubu Night Sky photograph was shot at
Makgadikgadi Pans in Botswana.
Galaxy Song (S670d)
Lyrics by Eric Idle
From: dawineguy on 11/11/2009
|Eric Idle's photo from Last.FM|
Eric Idle, Monty Python player
the Galaxy Song for the movie The Meaning of Life in 1983.
These are three copies of the song shown with videos.
||Click on Source1, or 'HERE'
for my copy,
to see the song in the original movie.
||Click on Source2, or 'HERE'
for my copy,
to hear the song in a great video.
||Click on Source3, or 'HERE'
for my copy,
to hear the song in another great video.
Subj: Candorville Comic Strip (S970)
By Darrin Bell
Hyundai: A Message to Space (S952d)
Made by HyundaiWorldwide
From: Peter Bray on Facebook
Stephanie from Houston misses
her astronaut father working at
the International Space Station. Watch how her special message,
written by 11 Hyundai Genesis, was delivered to her father in
space. This message was officially acknowledged as "The largest
tire track image" by the Guinness World Records.
Somewhere In Time (S543c,d)
From: darrell94590 on 6/7/2007
Source: (Removed from trdaniel.com)
This video is a series of space
photos done with Roger Williams'
song 'Somewhere in Time' in the background. It is wonderful.
You can see it by clicking 'HERE'.
Inside the Space Station (S582d)
From: darrellvip on 3/20/2008
This video about life inside
the space station is awesome.
If you show this movie to a middle school class and they
will all want to be astronauts. Click 'HERE' to view it.
Subj: Pres. Bush Explains Star Trek (S323b)
From: RFSlick on 4/6/2003
The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN
has just finished giving
a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets
President George W. Bush. They shake hands and, after
a brief chat about world affairs, the Iraqi says, "I
have a question that I think perhaps you can answer."
President Bush says, "Well, I'm
not the sharpest knife
in the drawer, but I'll do my best."
The Iraqi ambassador continues,
"My son watches this
show called Star Trek and in it there is Kirk who is
Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish,
Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there
are NO Muslims. He is very upset.
He doesn't understand why there
are never any Arabs in
President Bush laughs, leans
toward the Iraqi, and
whispers, "It's because it takes place in the future...."
Subj: STAR WARS Episode 7 TRAILER # 2 (S980d)
From: Star Wars
.......Click 'HERE' to Star Wars VII's second trailer.
Star Wars Premier In New York City (S551d)
From: YouTube.com on 8/11/2007
Picture from YouTube...
Conan O'Brien's "Insult Comic
Dog" interviews nerds
standing in line for the world premier of Star Wars
Episode 2 - Attack of the Clones on May 16,2002 in
New York City. You can view it at either of the
sources, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
Space Toilets (S561, S751 in Bathroom Supp)
From: ginafm on 10/20/2007
and From: Tom on 6/3/2011
This movie will teach you how
space toilets work, and
where shooting stars come from? You can view it at
the source above, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: What if Mr. Data were Microsoft Windows Compatible?
From: smiles on 98-10-17
WORF: Captain, there are three
Romulan warships uncloaking
PICARD: On screen.
[The main viewing screen
changes to a pattern of horizontal
lines, each only a single pixel wide.]
PICARD: Data, what's wrong here?
DATA: Captain, the main viewscreen
does not have sufficient
video memory to display an image of this size. May I
suggest that you select a lower resolution?
PICARD: Make it so.
[The screen blanks, and
then an image appears, with big,
blocky square pixels. Three objects appear in the center,
which could be Romulan warbirds, but which actually look
more like the aliens in Space Invaders.]
PICARD: Data, open a hailing channel to the Romulans.
DATA: Aye, sir.
[Data picks up an hourglass
from the floor beside him,
turns it over, and places it on the console in front of
him. He punches some buttons on the console and sits
motionless for several seconds. A flash of light
blossoms from one of the Romulan ships on the viewscreen.]
WORF: Incoming plasma torpedo, Captain!
PICARD: Shields up!
DATA: I'm sorry, Captain, but
I am still attempting to
complete your last instruction. I must ask you to
wait until I have finished before you issue your next
PICARD: What on earth do you mean?
Data, this is *important*!
I want those shields up *right now*.
DATA: I'm sorry, Captain, but
I am still attempting to
complete your last instruction. I must ask you to wait
until I have finished before you issue your next command.
LAFORGE: Allow me, captain. [to Data] Control-alt-delete, Data.
[Data removes the hourglass
from the console,
and returns it to the floor.]
DATA: The Romulans are not responding
to my hails. Press my
nose to cancel and return to Windows. Pull my left
ear to close this communications channel which is not
responding. You will lose any information sent by the
[LaForge pulls Data's left ear.]
[There is a tremendous
explosion. The bridge shakes
violently, and all the crew members are thrown to the
floor. A shower of sparks erupts from Wesley Crusher's
station at the helm, throwing Wesley back away from the
PICARD: Up, Data!
DATA: Aye, sir.
RIKER: All decks, damage report!
WORF: Captain, Ensign Crusher
is injured. He appears to
[Data picks up the hourglass
again, places it on his
console, and punches some more buttons. He waits a few
seconds, then puts the hourglass back on the floor.]
DATA: Shields are now up, captain.
PICARD: And not a moment too
soon. Worf, lock all phasers
on the lead Romulan ship.
WORF: Aye, sir.
[He punches buttons on the weapons console.]
PICARD: Mr. Data, take the helm, and prepare for evasive action.
DATA: I am sorry, sir, but I
do not have the proper device
driver installed for that console.
PICARD: Well, damn it, install the right one.
DATA: Please insert Setup Implant #1 in my right nostril.
PICARD: Number One, where do we keep Data's setup implants?
RIKER: I left them with Geordi.
LAFORGE: [in a surprised voice]
What!!? I thought you
still had them!
PICARD: Data, don't you have
device drivers stored in your
DATA: Not found, sir. Please
insert Setup Implant #1 in
my right nostril.
PICARD: Data, I don't *have* Setup Implant #1.
DATA: Not ready reading right nostril. Abort, Retry, Fail?
DATA: Not ready reading right nostril. Abort, Retry, Fail?
PICARD: Well, fail, then!
DATA: Current nose is no longer valid.
[Data walks over to the
helm, and presses several buttons.
The ship lurches, the images of the Romulan warships
suddenly shift to one side of the viewscreen, and a high-
pitched whining noise is heard coming from somewhere else
in the ship.]
LAFORGE: [alarmed] Data, what the hell are you doing?
PICARD: Number One, do we have
a customer service number
RIKER: Yes sir, but last time
I tried to call them, I got
put on hold for two hours before I was able to talk
to anyone. And that person wasn't knowledgeable
about androids of Data's model. She specialized in
industrial control robots.
[Suddenly, the lights
all go out, the viewscreen goes
blank, and all the usual noise of fans, motors, and so
on whines to a halt. After a few seconds, the red
emergency lights come on. Data is standing by the
console, absolutely motionless.]
PICARD: What's going on?
LAFORGE: [checking the helm console]
Lieutenant Data has
caused a General Protection Violation in the warp
PICARD: These androids look really
sharp, but you can't
really do anything with them.
[The shimmer of the transporter
effect appears, and six
Romulans in full battle dress materialize on the bridge.
A seventh figure, a Ferengi, appears moments later.]
FERENGI: [with a mercenary grin]
Can I interest you in a
Space Wander (S485d)
From: igiggle on 5/5/2006
This is a 12 minute video is
a trip through space. You can
view it at the source above, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: 9 Freezer Friday Drawings (S908d)
Drawn by Charlie Layton
From: George Takei on 12/5/2013
Freezer Friday is Charlie Layton's
unique project where
he uses dry erase markers to draw something clever in
25 minutes, all on his freezer door (but sometimes also
on the fridge door, too).
Locking Your Keys Inside (S616b,d)
From: darrellvip on 10/30/2008
This cute, short video discusses
what is worse than
locking your keys in the car. Click 'HERE' to view it.
Subj: Star Trek Lost Episodes Transcript.
"Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts
at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you
been able to access their command pathways?"
"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing
[Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.]
[Riker looks puzzled.]
"What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
[Data turns to answer.]
"Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some
reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways.
Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate."
"But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter
their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
"Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates
a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of
resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The
Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually
all of their processing ability will be taken over and none
will be available for their normal operational functions."
"Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
geometric shape' idea." .. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
"Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in
the command unit and, as expected, it immediately consumed
85% of all resources. We however have not received any
confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."
"Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage
and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no
indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
"Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there
is something we have missed."
"Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part
of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.
"Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."
"Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly
dropped to 0% !"
"Data, what do your scanners show?"
"Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
"Let's wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce
their functionality." .. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
"Geordi, what's the status on the Borg?"
"As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each
time they successfully increase resources I have setup our
closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows'
modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
"How much time will that buy us ?"
"Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an
interest time span of 6 more hours."
"Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
"It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
logo" [Over the speakers]
"THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY.
WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS
SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE.
YOU HAVE ten SECONDS"
"The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
"Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
"Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward
the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they
survive the tortures of deep space ?!"
"I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
recognized by twenty-first century man as doe-skin leather
briefcases, and wearing Armani suits"
[Riker and Picard together horrified]
"It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
"True, but apparently some must have survived."
"They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it
with all types of papers."
"I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red
tape'. It often proves fatal."
"They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
"Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even
the Borg deserve that."
Subj: Monty Comic Strip On Star Trek (S405b)
by Jim Meddick on October 18,2004
Power Of Ten - PPS (S548b in Science1)
From: AFine963 on 7/9/2007
This PowerPoint Slide Show travels
the universe from
micro measurements to macro measurements. For a science
slide show, it feels philosophical and religious.
You can see this PowerPoint Show by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain Picard
Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain
Kirk is Better
Than Captain Picard
100. Kirk is a leader, not a
99. Kirk never really got into that kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
98. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
97. One Word: Hair.
96. Another Word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.
95. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
94. Picard is a French man with an English accent.
93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
92. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
90. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
89. Two words: Shoulder Roll.
88. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
87. Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty."
86. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
84. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's
83. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
82. Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
81. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against
80. Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained
79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a
77. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off
--even around those pesky Yeomans.
76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid
like Dixon Hill.
75. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
74. One Word: Velour.
73. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
72. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral
and took to climbing rocks.
71. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter,
Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the
70. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
69. One Word: Iman.
68. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
67. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head
and shit down its neck.
66. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
65. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
64. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
63. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor
to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
62. Two Words: Funky Sideburns.
61. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
60. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
59. Kirk is not politically correct.
58. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic
busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in
56. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk
would likely be dead.
55. Ever hear of a bar shooter called "Make it so?" No?
How about a "Beam me up Scotty" then? See the difference?
54. One Word: Miniskirts.
53. Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
52. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys
in red shirts.
51. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument
like the trombone.
50. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
49. The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary
can be roughly translated as "GO F*CK YOURSELF."
48. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
47. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
46. Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring
like Tiberius is.
45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
44. Picard never met Joan Collins.
43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
42. Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably
41. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
40. Two Words: Line Delivery.
39. Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard,
squishing grapes (need I say more?)
36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
34. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does,
he asks Spock only.
32. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
31. One Word: Fisticuffs.
30. Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
29. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
28. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
27. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
26. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, ? then exploits
them for resources.
25. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
24. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
22. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until
they met Kirk.
21. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
20. Two Words: Crane Shots.
19. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data
into playing it.
18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams
away even really cute things, like Tribbles.
17. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy
who's really nice.
16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
15. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
14. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses
-- and nobody dares to call him "four eyes."
13. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the
Pentagon -- easily.
12. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
11. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them.
When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
10. Kirk never once, ever, wore a wiener wrapping Speedo
banana hammock on shore leave.
9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some
8. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
7. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
6. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick
5. Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual
4. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and
wasn't even impressed.
3. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
1. One Word: Balls.
Shuttle and Space Station Put on Show (S544)
By Joe Rao on 6/19/2007
..........Source: (Removwed from http://www.space.com)
Skywatchers can see Tandem of
Atlantus and the Space Station
with the naked eye. These thirteen photos show some of their
events. You can view them by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Has Solo Fridge (S904d)
From: William Ernfred Berg on Facebook
Star Trek Impacts Space Travel (S557)
By Stanley Newman
From: Contra Costa Times on 9/19/2007
This newspaper column discusses
Dr. Mae Jemison's first
flight in 1990 aboard a space shuttle. You can read
the column on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Phoebe Picture (S386)
From: SPACE.com on 6/15/2004
This picture comes from an Internet
news site for astronomy
and space enthusiasts. This is a great site to visit regularly.
Pictures From The Space Shuttle (S564c)
..........From: darrellvip on 11/15/2007
Source: (Removed from texasjim.com)
These twelve pictures from the
space shuttle are excellent.
You can view them by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Star Wars Christmas (S671)
From: AOL.news on 12/11/2009
Source: (Removed from asylum.com)
Edward Hopper Star Wars: There's
something about combining
Edward Hopper's "Nighthawks" with Star Wars characters that
perfectly captures the melancholy of the season.
Subj: Anthropology 472: Anthology of Star Trek
An article in the Thursday, February
7 Free Lance-Star
(Fredericksburg, VA) by Michael Zitz was about an under-
graduate anthropology course examining episodes of Star
Trek (TOS) for their anthropological relevance. The
instructor, Professor Margaret Huber, had noticed that
students who seemed bored and listless during a review
session for physical anthropology perked up when she
referred to an old Star Trek episode to make a point.
The course Anthropology 472:
Anthology of Star Trek
analyzes Star Trek as a mirror of contemporary American
culture and American attitudes about other cultures.
There is no dramatic criticism, film criticism, or
literary criticism involved, the focus is to teach the
class to look at the episodes with an anthropologist's
eye. The 22 episodes chosen for this class all demon-
strate how American popular culture has led to a mixture
of fact and fiction. One example used is "The Paradise
Syndrome", in which Captain Kirk is stranded on an Earth-
like planet that has produced a civilization similar
to that of Native Americans before the intrusion of the
The anthropological point of
this episode is that American
popular culture portrays all Native Americans as Plains
Indians, and that has resulted in a mish-mash of dwellings,
dress, rites, and symbols in the Star Trek episode.
The instructor cautions that
this is not a course for those
students looking for an easy A but a real anthropology
course that uses material that many of today's college
students are already familiar with to examine anthropological
Time-Lapse Of The Stars (S670d)
From: Wimp.com on 11/8/2009
Click on the above source, or
for my copy, to see
this beautiful time-lapse video of the stars against the
The Shuttle "Behind The Scenes" - PPS (S568b)
From: rfslick on 12/7/2007
This PowerPoint Show reveals
for a shuttle launch. Click 'HERE' to view it.
by John Graziano on 12/17/2008
|Click on the button below
for the solution
and other planetary facts.
Dancing Yoda (S641b,d)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/15/2009
Source: (Removed from free-3gp-video.com)
This video is a hip hop dancing
Yoda. It is pretty dumb
unless you are a big Star Wars fan. Click 'HERE' to see it.
Baspock Obama Cartoon (S641b)
By Stuart Carlson on 5/11/2009
..........Source: (Removed from washingtonpost.com)
Click 'HERE' to see this Carlson Political Cartoon.
Rugrats Comic Strips (S644b)
by Nickelodeon on 5/14/3009
Click 'HERE' to see these cute comic strips about space.
Subj: Dark Side Of The Moon - Drawing (S903d)
From: I Fucking Love Science on Facebook