Subj:     National Or World Jokes
                 (Includes 40 jokes and articles, 18 1002,7,cf,wXT2a3b,5)

People of Earth
Some New Light Shed
Includes the following:  America Why I Love Her - Video (S469)
.........................The Best Congress Money Can Buy... (S147, S611b)
.........................The Road To The White House (S131A)
.........................Growth Of A Nation - Video (S460b)
.........................The Whole World As 100 People (S108, S362)
.........................Picking A World Leader (S105)
.........................Ronald Reagan's "We The People" - Video (S1002)
.........................A Nun Speaks About America (S289, DU)
.........................Root Out Terrorists! (S278, DU)
.........................Charlie Daniels Recites My Beautiful America - Video (S991)
.........................Oliver North Video (S249, DU)
.........................A Bill Of No Rights (S233b, DU)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not (S678)
.........................Are You An American? (British Test) (S202, DU)
.........................Only In America (S77, S366b)
                         Short National Jokes
..............................The Whole World As 100 People - PPS (S791)
..............................Chads by Dr. Seuss: (S199)
..............................Number Of Words (S183)
..............................Six Presidents On A Sinking Boat (S146)
..............................I Love My Country - Sign (S451)
..............................What Flag Is This? (S122)
..............................Government Controls (S116)
..............................Money (S179)

Also see ANAGRAMS     - 'Anagrammed National Capitals'
         ASIAN file   - 'Pakistani Arrives In America'
         BANKING-MONEY- 'The United States One Dollar Bill'
         BLACKS1 file - 'The Ant And The Grasshopper'
         BLONDE2 file - 'Blonde Vs Roe-Wade'
         CANADA file  - 'Thousand Islands Of The St Lawrence'
......................- (jokes about the nation)
         CHRISTMAS3   - 'Twas A Week Past Election.....'
         CHRISTMAS4   - 'Christmas In Guatemala'
.........COLLEGE1 file- 'Qualifications For US President'
         CONDOM file  - 'United States Government Seal'
         CONTRACTOR   - 'Three Contractors Tour The White House'
         COW_SHEEP    - 'Service'
......................- 'You Have Two Cows Vers. II'
         DOG3 file    - 'USA And Russia In A Dog Fight'
         EAST EURPEAN - 'Pro USA Editorial f/Romanian Newspaper'
         ELDERLY2 file- 'Elderly Man Visits Social Security Office'
         ENGLISHMAN   - 'Earthquake in Albania'
......................- 'The British Speak About Election 2000'
......................- 'Why British Are Superior To Americans'
         FACTS4 file  - 'How Lincoln And John F. Kennedy Were Alike:'
         FACTS5 file  - 'Interesting World Facts'
......................- 'A Little History From the 1500s'
         FAMOUS-PEOPL1- 'Definition Of Globalization'
         FARMER1 file - 'Boy Pushes Over Outhouse'
         FARMER2 file - 'Farmer Not Raising Hogs'
         FAT file     - 'Nations' Obesity Rates'
......................- 'Americans At A Chinese Soccer Stadium'
         FOURTHOFJULY -  (the whole file)
         GENIE file   - 'The IRS Genie'
......................- 'Three Guys From Different States Find Genie'
         GHOSTS file  - 'Ghost Stories From The White House'
.........GRAVEYARD    - 'Arlington At Christmas'
.........HEADLINS-ADDS- 'The Newspapers'
         INDIAN file  - 'The Dead Horse Theory' - Drawing
         JEWISH1 file - 'Irena Sendler - Holocaust Heroine'
         JOBS1 file   - 'Why I'm Tired'
         JOBS2 file   - 'Government Road Workers'
......................- 'The Benefits Of Shopping Globally'
         JOBS3 file   - 'Three Boys Brag About Father's Speed'
         JUDGE file   - 'Nativity In Washington DC'
         KIDS2 file   - 'Whose Father Is Fastest?'
         KIDS4 file   - 'Son Compared To Lincoln'
         LAWYER1 file - 'The Lawyer Wins One......'
         LAWYER2 file - 'One Of Abe Lincoln's Law Cases'
......................- 'Roosevelt's Talk To His Son'
         LISTS file   - 'Headlines 2050'
         LISTS-SUPP   - 'Top Ten Of Everything; Interesting'
         MEXICAN file - '2 Girls And The US Border Fence' - Video
         MIDDLE EAST  - 'Bush Visits Hussein'
         MOVIES2-SUPP - 'A Scene From HBO's Series The Newsroom' - Video
         MUSIC-SUPP   - 'Press One For English'
......................- 'The Oswald Rock Band'
         NATIONAL_STAT- 'Congressional Retirement System'
         NEW_YORKER   - 'Gratitude And Charity'
......................- 'The Towers'
         OTHER_NATIONL- 'Swiss Meets Two Americans'
......................- 'Keukenhof, A Park In Holland'
         PENIS3 file  - 'The "First" Wives' Penis Names'
         PILOT SUPP   - 'Virtual Pilot'
         POETRY file  - 'Walking A Crooked Path'
         POLITICAL1   - 'Reflections of Great Minds on Government'
         POLITICAL2   - 'Winston Churchill Quotes And Facts'
         POLIT-SUPP2  - 'You Might Be A Wall Street Occupier, If:'
         QUOTES2 file - 'Bush Quotes'
         SANTA file   - 'Santa's Going To Be Late'
         SCHOOL3 file - 'Kindergardners See Flag'
         SCHOOL-SUPP2 - 'Geography Quiz'
         SCIENCE1 file- '8 Amazing Holes!'
         SHIT file    - 'Washington Crosses The Delaware'
         SIGNS-SUPP   - 'Casa D'Ice Restaurant Signs'
         SOLDIER1 file- 'Military Death Benefits by Rush Limbaugh'
         SOLDIER2 file- 'Troop Death Rate In Iraq'
.........SOUTHERN     - 'You know you Are A Yankee IF...'
         SPEECHES     - 'The Pampered Generation'
         STORIES file - 'America: The Good Neighbor'
         TAXES file   - 'New Taxes In The Last 100 Years'
         TAXES-SUPP   - 'Senator Sanders' Top 10 Corporate Tax Avoiders:' - Video
......................- 'A Letter To Our Senator'
         TEST1 file   - 'Urine Test'
         THGHTS-LRN-SP- 'Quotes By Abe Lincoln'
         THOUGHTS-TIME- 'A Brief History Of Time'
         THO-TIME-SUPP- 'A Year In History, 1972'
         THOUGHTS-WARM- 'Thoughts Of Eleanor Roosevelt'
         TRUCK-BUS    - 'Patriotic Trucker'
         WAITER file  - 'Treasury Secretary Has Expired Visa Card'
         WOMEN2 file  - 'The Geography Of A Woman'
         WORD JOKES1  - 'The Meaning Of Service'

Subj:     America Why I Love Her (S469d)
          From: flovilla on 1/11/2006
          Created by OldBlueWebDesigns.com
 Source: http://sagebrushpatriot.com/america.htm
.....Clicking 'HERE' to see this beautiful video
.....................narrated by John Wayne.
Subj:     The Best Congress Money Can Buy... (S147, S611b)
          From: JCary on 11/22/1999

   (Also see 'Company With 500+ Employees' in National-Supp)

      Based on records prior to the summer break,

   29 members of Congress have been accused of spousal
    7 have been arrested for fraud,
   19 have been accused of writing bad checks,
  117 have bankrupted at least two businesses,
    3 have been arrested for assault,
   71 have credit reports so bad they can't qualify for a
      credit card,
   14 have been arrested on drug-related charges,
    8 have been arrested for shoplifting,
   21 are current defendants in lawsuits,
      and in 1998 alone,
   84 were stopped for drunk driving, but released after
      they claimed Congressional immunity.

      Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They
      should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

      Snopes.com has found that some of this is true at

Subj:     The Road To The White House (S131A)
          From: smiles on 8/4/99

    Abraham Lincoln's road to the White House
    proves you should never give up.

      1831 Failed in business
      1832 Defeated for Legislature
      1833 Second failure in business
      1836 Suffers nervous breakdown
      1838 Defeated for Speaker
      1840 Defeated for Elector
      1843 Defeated for Congress
      1848 Defeated for Congress
      1855 Defeated for Senate
      1856 Defeated for Vice President
      1858 Defeated for Senate
      1860 Elected President of the United States

Subj:     Growth Of A Nation (S460b,d)
          by Peter Mays 2002
          From: igiggle on 11/17/2005
 Source: http://www.animatedatlas.com/movie2.html

 In just ten minutes this video gives you a great thumbnail
 history of the United States of America.  You can view by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     The Whole World As 100 People (S108, S362)
          From: RFSlick on 99-02-14 and 1/6/2004

 Happy NEW YEAR...A Time to Reflect !!

 If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of
 precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios
 remaining the same, it would look something like the

 There would be:

 57 Asians
 21 Europeans
 14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
 8 Africans

 52 would be female
 48 would be male

 70 would be non-white
 30 would be white

 70 would be non-Christian
 30 would be Christian

 89 would be heterosexual
 11 would be homosexual

 6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth
 and all 6 would be from the United States.

 80 would live in substandard housing

 70 would be unable to read

 50 would suffer from malnutrition

 1 would be near death

 1 would be near birth

 1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education

 1 would own a computer

 When one considers our world from such a compressed
 perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding
 and education becomes glaringly apparent.

 The following is also something to ponder...

 If you woke up this morning with more health than illness,
 you are more blessed than the million who will not even
 survive this week.

 If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the
 loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the
 pangs of starvation ...you are ahead of 500 million people
 in the world.

 If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment,
 arrest, torture, or death...you are more blessed than three
 billion people in the world.

 If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back,
 a roof overhead and a place to sleep...you are richer than
 75% of this world.

 If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare
 change in a dish someplace ... you are among the top 8% of
 the world's wealthy.

 If your parents are still alive and still married ... you
 are very rare, even in the United States and Canada.

 If you can read this message, you just received a double
 blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and further-
 more, you are more blessed than over two billion people
 in the world that cannot read at all.

 Someone once said:  What goes around comes around.

 Work like you don't need the money.
 Love like you've never been hurt.
 Dance like nobody's watching.
 Sing like nobody's listening.
 Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

 It's the beginning of a New Year, time to reflect,
 and time to plan for the immediate future for your
 continued prosperity!

Subj:     Picking A World Leader (S105)
          From: humorlist-digest V3 #27 on 99-01-29

 It is time to elect a world leader. Your vote counts.
 Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates.

 Candidate A:   associates with ward heelers and consults
                with astrologists.  He's had two mistresses.
                He chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis
                a day.

 Candidate B:   was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until
                noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart
                of brandy every evening.

 Candidate C:   is a decorated war hero.  He's a vegetarian,
                doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and
                hasn't had any illicit affairs.

 Which of these candidates is your choice??
 Choose one and then scroll down.

     Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt

     Candidate B is Winston Churchill

     Candidate C is Adolph Hitler

Subj:     Ronald Reagan's "We The People" Speech (S1002)
          From: Gary Wing in Facebook on 3/18/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/GlgTwp93E48
.....Click 'HERE' to hear Reagan's "We the People" speech.

.....Click 'Ronald Reagan's One-Liners' in Political-Supp to
.....see all the videos, one-liners and jokes by Ronald Reagan.
Subj:     A Nun Speaks About America (S289, DU)
          From: drribeiro on 8/12/2002

 A Nun speaks up

 I think everyone on this planet needs to read this.  This
 was sent by a 78 yr. old former nun.  The thoughts are pure
 and we all understand the point...

 GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!  There are a few things that those who
 have recently come to our country, and apparently some
 native Americans, need to understand.

 First of all, it is not our responsibility to continually
 try not to offend you in any way.  This idea of America
 being a multicultural community has served only to dilute
 our sovereignty and our national identity.

 As Americans, we have our own culture, our own society,
 our own language, and our own lifestyle.  This culture,
 called the "American Way" has been developed over centuries
 of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and
 women who have sought freedom.

 Our forefathers fought, bled, and died at places such as
 Bunker Hill, Antietam, San Juan, Iwo Jima, Normandy, Korea,

 We speak English, not Spanish, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese,
 Russian, or any other language.  Therefore, if you wish to
 become part of our society -, learn our language!"

 "In God We Trust" is our national motto.  This is not some
 off-the-wall,Christian, Right Wing, political slogan -- it
 is our national motto.

 It is engraved in stone in the House of Representatives in
 our Capitol and it is printed on our currency.  We adopted
 this motto because Christian men and women, on Christian
 principles, founded this nation and this is clearly
 documented throughout our history.  If it is appropriate
 for our motto to be inscribed in the halls of our highest
 level of Government, then it is certainly appropriate to
 display it on the walls of our schools.

 God is in our pledge, our National Anthem, nearly every
 patriotic song, and in our founding documents.  We honor
 His birth, death, and resurrection as holidays, and we
 turn to Him in prayer in times of crisis.  If God offends
 you, then I suggest you consider another part of the
 world as your new home, because God is part of our
 culture and we are proud to have Him.

 We are proud of our heritage and those who have so
 honorably defended our freedoms.  We celebrate
 Independence Day, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Flag
 Day.  We have parades, picnics, and barbecues where we
 proudly wave our flag.

 As an American, I have the right to wave my flag, sing
 my national anthem, quote my national motto, and cite my
 pledge whenever and wherever I choose.  If the Stars and
 Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you
 should seriously consider a move to another part of this

 The American culture is our way of life, our heritage,
 and we are proud of it.  We are happy with our culture
 and have no desire to change, and we really don't care
 how you did things where you came from.  Like it or not,
 this is our country, our land, and our lifestyle.

 Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to
 express his opinion about our government, culture, or
 society, and we will allow you every opportunity to do so.
 But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping
 about our flag, our pledge, our national motto, or our
 way of life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one
 other great American freedom: THE RIGHT TO LEAVE!

 Another thing: To those who do complain about the usage
 of words like 'God' and 'American' and speaking the
 language of our great nation, TRY GOING TO ANOTHER

 In America, you take your right to complain for granted.
 The more patriotism that is removed from where our
 children are taught, the less our children will learn
 about what it is to be an American and our nation's spirit
 will slowly be killed. Keep patriotism alive!

 If you agree, pass this onto other Americans!!

Subj:     Root Out Terrorists! (S278, DU)
          From: gowest42 on 5/25/2002

 The President of the United States, George W. Bush, has
 asked that all Americans and Canadians unite together in
 a common cause to root out terrorists hiding in our community.

 Since the Taliban cannot stand nudity and consider it a sin
 to see a naked woman that is not one's wife, on Saturday
 afternoon at 2:00 p.m. EST, all North American women are
 asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help
 weed out any neighborhood terrorists.  Circling your block
 for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

 All men should position themselves in lawn chairs in front
 of your house to prove that you think it's OK to see other
 women nude.  (Since the Taliban does not approve of alcohol,
 a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-
 Taliban sentiment.)

 Names and addresses of non-participants should be sent to
 CIA Headquarters, Langley, Virginia.  The United States of
 America appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists
 and applauds your efforts.

 Please by all means, send this to your fellow Patriots to
 ensure 100% participation.

Subj:     My Beautiful America 
.............- The Charlie Daniels Band (S991d)
          Made by charliedanielsvideos
          From: TLL on 1/9/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/B2AEkfjc6-o

 Click 'HERE' to see Charlie Daniels recite "My Beautiful America."

Subj:     Oliver North Video (S249, DU)
          From: ICohen on 11/9/2001

 Remember when?  Most vets supported Col North but our
 government made fun of him and made him out to be another
 crazy Marine.  Not what do they say?

 From a student.
 I was at a UNC lecture the other day where they played a
 video of Oliver North during the Iran-Contra deals during
 the Reagan Administration.  I was only 14 back then but
 was surprised by this particular clip.  There was Olie in
 front of God and Country getting the third degree.  But
 what he said stunned me.  He was being drilled by some
 senator I didn't recognize who asked him, "Did you not
 recently spend close to $60,000 for a home security

 Oliver replied, "Yes I did, Sir."  The senator continued,
 trying to get a laugh out of the audience, "Isn't this
 just a little excessive?" "No sir," continued Oliver.

 "No. And why not?" "Because the life of my family and I
 were threatened."

 "Threatened? By who." "By a terrorist, sir."

 "Terrorist? What terrorist could possibly scare you that much?"

 "His name is Osama bin Laden."  At this point the senator
 tried to repeat the name, but couldn't pronounce it.  A
 couple of people laughed at the attempt.  Then the senator

 "Why are you so afraid of this man?"

 "Because sir, he is the most evil person alive that I know of."

 "And what do you recommend we do about him?"

 "If it were me I would recommend an assassin team be formed
 to eliminate him and his men from the face of the earth."
 The senator disagreed with this approach and that was all
 they showed of the clip.  It's scary when you think 15
 years ago the government was aware of bin Laden and his
 potential threat to the security of the world.

 I guess like all great tyrants they start small but if left
 untended spread like the virus they truly are.

Ira Cohen
Telecommunications Systems Engineer
City of Oakland - OIT - Network Engineering

Subj:     A Bill Of No Rights (S233b, DU)
          From: agrief on 7/13/2001

 The following has apparently been attributed to State
 Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA.

 "We, the sensible people of the United States, in an
 attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance
 of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe,
 promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of
 debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-
 grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and
 establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally
 whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other, bed-wetters.

 We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot
 of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so
 dim that they require a Bill of No Rights".

 ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big
 screen TV or any other form of wealth.  More power to you
 if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
 guaranteeing you anything.

 ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended.
 This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom
 for everyone - not just you!  You may leave the room, turn
 channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world
 is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

 ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from
 harm.  If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be
 more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make
 you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

 ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and
 housing.  Americans are the most charitable people to be
 found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are
 quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
 generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve
 nothing more than the creation of another generation of
 professional couch potatoes.

 ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care.
 That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing,
 we're just not interested in public health care.

 ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm
 other people.  If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim,
 or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us
 want to see you fry in the electric chair.

 ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions
 of others.  If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or
 services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest
 of us get together and lock you away in a place where you
 still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a
 life of leisure.

 ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our
 children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your
 aching conscience.  We hate oppressive governments and
 won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if
 you'd like.  However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire
 world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling
 each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a
 funny hat.

 ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job.  All of us
 sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along
 in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the
 opportunities of education and vocational training laid
 before you to make yourself useful.

 ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness.  Being
 an American means that you have the right to PURSUE
 happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are
 unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created
 by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights."

 If you agree, share this with a friend.  No, you don't
 have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't.
 I just think it is about time common sense is allowed to
 flourish - call it the age of reason revisited.

 The Bill of No Rights was written by Lewis Napper in 2000
 and not by Mitchell Kaye as verified by Snopes.com at


.............by John Graziano on 1/8/2010 (S678)
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2010/01/08
Subj:     Are You An American? (British Test) (S202, DU)
          From: KMACINTY on 12/11/2000

 1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is
 over. How do you break the news you are leaving?
 (a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away
 (b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your
 (c) Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering
 pumped-up inbreds on national television.

 2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in
 the park. What do you need to take?
 (a) A ball
 (b) A ball and 2 coats
 (c) A ball 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheer-
 leaders, a marching sousaphone band with a grand piano on a
 trolley, and a team of orthopaedic surgeons specialising in
 spinal injuries.

 3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally
 run over a rabbit. What do you do?
 (a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet
 if it is still alive
 (b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not,
 that it died quickly
 (c) Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home
 hollering, whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of
 the window.

 4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping
 in an awkward position. What do you do?
 (a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses
 (b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
 (c) Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faith
 healer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on your
 head, whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience
 of gibbering inbreds.

 5. What do you have for breakfast?
 (a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea
 (b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee
 (c) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six
 eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten
 waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer.

 6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get
 married.  What sort of ceremony do you have?
 (a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office
 (b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a
 (c) A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel
 in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed
 as Elvis.

 7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase,
 becoming disruptive at school and reclusive at home.  What
 do you do?
 (a) Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass.
 (b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports
 or join a youth club.
 (c) Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-
 automatic weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small

 8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV.  What
 kind of comedy do you choose?
 (a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
 (b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show
 (c) A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge
 where the audience whoop for ten minutes every time an over-
 paid actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance
 to deliver a lightweight wisecrack.

 9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your
 wife's dressing table. What do you do?
 (a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
 (b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't happen
 (c) Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation,
 and sue your wife's ass.

 10. You are responsible for the USA's presidential electoral
 process. Do you:
 (a) Count all votes and declare a winner
 (b) Count all votes and declare a winner
 (c) Let the press declare who's won before the votes are counted;
 then count only the votes which have been handed in by a deadline
 whilst not checking if Bud, the hillbilly sheriff of nowheres-
 ville, has left several thousand votes in the trunk of his Chevy
 'by mistake', then force a recount of only some of the votes
 within just one state and allow only 12 seconds for the recount
 to take place; then be amazed that the recount hasn't finished by
 the deadline and increase the deadline by another 3.2 seconds;
 then ignore all votes and let 4 judges decide the result, making
 sure the judges all support the same candidate; then ponce
 around the world telling other countries how to run their own

 If you answered:

 mostly (a)'s ? (b)'s then you are a normal well-balanced individual.

 mostly (c)'s then do the world a favour and shoot yourself
 with the anti-tank weapon you carry in the glove-box of your pick-
 up truck.

Subj:     Only In America (S77, S366b)
          From: ossama on 98-07-22
      and From: mjsally on 1/27/2004

 Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster
                   than an ambulance.

 Only in America...are there handicap parking places
                   in front of a skating rink.

 Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk
                   all the way to the back of the store
                  to get their prescriptions while
                   healthy people can buy cigarettes at
                   the front.

 Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers,
                   a large fry, and a diet coke.

 Only in America...do banks leave both doors open
                   and then chain the pens to the counters.

 Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
                   in the driveway and leave useless things
                   and junk in boxes in the garage.

 Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls
                   and then have call waiting so we won't miss a
                   call from someone we didn't want to talk to in
                   the first place.

 Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten
                   and buns in packages of eight.

 Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the
                   process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many"
                   and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...

 Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with
                   Braille lettering.

Subj:     Short National Jokes

Subj:     The Whole World As 100 People - PPS (S791)
          From: tom on 3/7/2012
Drawing from DalasBlog.com
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/science/stats/populate.asp

 If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of
 precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios
 remaining the same, how would it look?

 Click 'HERE' to see this wonderful PowerPoint Show about
 our world population.

Subj:     Chads by Dr. Seuss: (S199)
          From: TAdams on 11/22/2000
 I cannot count them in a box
 I cannot count them with a fox
 I cannot count them by computer
 I will not with a Roto-Rooter
 I cannot count them card by card
 I will not 'cause it's way too hard
 I cannot count them on my fingers
 I will not while suspicion lingers
 I'll leave the country in a jam -
 I can't count ballots, Sam-I-Am.

Subj:     Number Of Words (S183)
          From: RFSlick on 7/31/00
 (Also see 'Number Of Words' in FACTS3)
 Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
 The Lord's prayer: 66 words.
 Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
 The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
 The Gettysburg Address: 286 words.
 The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
 The US Government regulations on the sale
    of cabbage: 26,911 words.

Subj:     Six Presidents On A Sinking Boat (S146)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 11/19/1999
 Six Presidents were on a sinking boat.
 Ford says, "What do we do?"
 Bush says, "Man the life boats!"
 Reagan says, "What life boats?"
 Carter says, "Women first..."
 Nixon says, "Screw the women!"
 Clinton says, "You think we have time?"

Subj:     I Love My Country (S451)
          From: Anon Jr. on 9/10/2005
Source: (Removed from northernsun.com)
Subj:     What Flag Is This? (S122)
          From: mbucher on 5/20/99
 The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an
 encyclopedia page picturing several national flags.  She
 pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?"

 A little girl called out, That's the flag of our country."
 "Very good," the teacher said.  "And what is the name of
 our country?"  'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently.

Subj:     Government Controls (S116)
          From: Tom_Adams on 4/6/99
 "...[list shortened for brevity] the air we breathe, the
 water we drink, whether we ought to be permitted to buy a
 firearm, what medical care we oughta receive, the fuel
 economy of our vehicles, whether we should wear seat belts,
 what our children are taught, what they eat for lunch, what
 TV shows are too violent for them to watch, and now, even
 what traffic reports we oughta listen to. [long pause]
 Wouldn't the founding fathers tell us that rebellion, like
 charity, should begin at home?"

     --  C.S. Coldwell

 We, fellow citizens, do not have the autonomy that the US
 president, Felonious Maximus, seeks for the residents of

Subj:     Money (S179)
          From: auntieg on 98-05-09
 A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

 On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the
 upper left-hand corner of the "1" encased in the "shield"
 and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.

 On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over
 the Parliament building is an American flag.

 Who was the only real person who ended up as a Pez head?
 The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.

 The longest place-name still in use is:
 gahoronukupokai wenuakitanatahu, a New Zealand hill.

 Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

 Percentage of American men who say they would marry
    the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%
 Percentage of American women who say they'd marry
    the same man: 50%

From: FrankRoesc on 5/7/99 (S118)
 Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford
 Library; the James Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library
 and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

From: FrankRoesc on 5/10/99
 *The name of all the continents end with the same letter
 that they start with.

From: RFSlick on 5/31/99 (S123)
 A society that will trade a little liberty for a little order
 will lose both, and deserve neither.  -- Thomas Jefferson --

From: smiles on 98-10-01
 "I cannot live without books."  -- Thomas Jefferson

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/28/2001 (S248)
 "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to
 test a man's character, give him power."  -- Abraham Lincoln

From: LABLaughs.com on 2/18/2002 (S264)
 And in the end it's not the years in your life that count.
 It's the life in your years. -- Abraham Lincoln

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/17/2002 (S264)
 "It's better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool
 than to open it and resolve all doubt."  -- Abraham Lincoln

Also see 'Quotes By Abe Lincoln' in Thoughts-learned-SUPP

From: dogbyte on 11/16/2001 (S250)
 The world really isn't
 any worse than before.

 It's just that the news
 coverage is so much better!

From: LABLaughs.com on 1/24/2002 (S260)
 "To give up the task of reforming society is to give up
  one's responsibility as a free man."  -- Alan Paton

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 5/7/2002 (S275c)
 If passion drives, let reason hold the reins.
    -- Benjamin Franklin

From: LABLaughs.com on 5/19/2002 (S277b)
 Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted
 all the other alternatives.  -- Abba Eban (1915-)

From: KMACINTY on 12/6/2000 (S201)
 Q: What is the difference between Al Gore and a litter of puppies?
 A: After a few weeks the puppies open their eyes and quit whining.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/2/2002 (S266c)
 Q: Did you know that ENRON is just a shorthand name
    for the company?
 A: The full name is:  "TAKE THE MONEY ENRON."

                           -(o o)-
..............................From Smiley_Central