.
.
Subj:     National Or World Jokes2
                 (Includes 32 jokes and articles, 18 1014,7,cf,wYT2b,5)

          Click "Here" for National-Supp
          Click "Here" for National-Supp2
 


Earth from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Bill O'Reilly: U.S. Citizenship Quiz (S931 in Supp2)
.........................200 Years Of American History GIF (S897 in Supp2)
.........................Animaniacs - Presidents - Video (S827 in Supp2)
.........................Cutting On Every Group (S176 in Supp2)
.........................Madison Rising - The Star Spangled Banner - Video (S817-Supp2)
.........................Flying Over America - Video (S816 in Supp2)
.........................Natural Born Citizens (S833 in Supp2)
.........................Our Story In 2 Minutes - Video (S815 in Supp2)
.........................Chrysler's 'It's Halftime in America' - Video (S784 in Supp2)
.........................Cultural Differences Explained (S84 in Supp2)
.........................Washington To Obama Morphed In Sequence - Video (S826 - Sup2)
.........................Archie Bunker "What makes America Great!" - Vid (S1010-Sup2)
.........................Social Security (S385 in Supp2)
.........................United States Emigrants Since 1820 - Video (S1014 in Supp2)
.........................
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S639b in Supp)
.........................Yakko's Nations of the World - Video (S767 in Supp)
.........................Lincoln Assassination Eyewitness - Video (S760 in Supp)
.........................Jessica Jackley: Poverty, Money, and Love - Vid (S738 - Sup)
.........................Kate Smith Introduces God Bless America - Vid (S735 in Supp)
.........................George Carlin ~ The American Dream - Video (S707 in Supp)
.........................Carl Sagan: Pale Blue Dot - Video (S685 in Supp)
.........................Franklin Roosevelt's 2ed Bill of Rights - Vid/Aud (S666-Sup)
.........................Microsoft's Virtual Earth (S657 in Supp)
.........................Tea Party Commercial - Video (S655 in Supp)
.........................US History With The Boston Pops - Video (S650 in Supp)
.........................Wor$t $lide $tory - Video (S647 in Supp)
.........................Jon Stewart Vs Jim Cramer Part 1 - Video (S632 in Supp)
.........................74 Miles To Oil - Video (S612)
.........................How Long Does The USA Have? (S569b in Supp)
.........................How To Drop Our Gas Prices - Videos (S598 in Supp)
.........................What Is The only City? (S539b in Supp)
.........................Company With 500+ Employees - Video (S555 in Supp)
.........................History Lesson (S564 in Supp)
.........................Bailout Plan by Wanda Sykes on Jay Leno Show - Vid(S632-Sup)
.........................
.........................Joe Friday Lectures Youth - Video (S978)
.........................My Beautiful America - Video (S503b)
.........................Presidential Affairs (S473)
.........................US Citizenship Test (S507b)
.........................From Sea To Shining Sea - Video (S493c)
.........................You Know You Work For The Government If... (S468)
.........................An Ode To America (S493b)
.........................Independence Day Quiz - Wen Site (S466, S744)
.........................The U.S.A. In The Year 1904 (S420)
.........................Congresswoman Flies To Rhino, New York (S418)
.........................Lincoln Hires Private Investigator (S349b)
.........................Presidents Dieing In Office (S338)
.........................Peace Plan by Robin Williams (S327b)
.........................Robin William's Peace Plan Is A Hoax (S328)
.........................British Mirror On September 11 (S300)
.........................The Future In Year 2035 (S290b, S450b)
.........................Short National Jokes
..............................World View (S686b in Supp)
..............................Marcus Tullius Cicero Quote From 55 B.C. (S733)
..............................Rare Photos From The 1940's - PPS (S711b in Supp)
..............................TED - Global Population Growth - Video (S705 in Supp)
..............................Ray Stevens - Come to the USA - Video (S698b in Supp)
..............................Muslim Demographics - Video (S672 in Supp)
..............................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! II (S657 in Supp)
..............................Names Of Countries (S652b in Supp)
..............................Americana Buildings (S651 in Supp)
..............................Mother Goose And Grimm (S647 in Supp)
..............................Americana - Asimov's Super Quiz (S649b in Supp)
..............................Coal Mines In The United States (S628 in Supp)
..............................SNL's Reliable Dividend Growth Fund - Video (S611-Supp)
..............................Ghost Of Thomas Paine And 2ed Revolution -Vid(S608-Sup)
..............................Our First Techie President (S603 in Supp)
..............................Opus On The Final Stage Of Oil Grief (S602 in Supp)
..............................Lincoln Discoveries (S599 in Supp)
..............................If I Was A Terrorist - Video (S594 in Supp)
..............................Amnesty Bill - Video (S583 in Supp)
..............................The Energy Non-Crisis - Video (S582 in Supp)
..............................Landmark Quiz (578 in Supp)
..............................America's Treasures, Our National Parks - Vid(S573-Sup)
..............................Immigration By The Numbers - Video (S545 in Supp)
..............................Essay by Craig R. Smith (S534 in Supp)
..............................Interesting Geography (S531c in Supp)
..............................ZabaSearch Database (S516 in Supp)
..............................National Geographic's Photos 2006 - PPS (S507 in Supp)
..............................
..............................Theodore Roosevelt-Immigrants/Being An AMERICAN (S467)
..............................The Constitution (by Jay Leno) (S373b)
..............................The Wooden Statue Eagle-USA (S369)
..............................A Billion In Perspective... (S326, S569c)
..............................Happy President's Day (S367)
..............................Free Market Vs Canadian Drugs (362b)
..............................US Flag Of Flowers (S320)
..............................What Americans Don't Know (S304)
..............................Israeli Travel Tips (S302)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Joe Friday Lectures Youth (S978d)
          From: Bud Hathaway on Facebook on 10/8/2015
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/disturbreality/videos/1140232616020814/
.
.......
.
.......Click 'HERE' to see Joe Friday on the TV show Dragnet
.......lectures youth on why he is lucky to live in America.
.
.
Top
Subj:     My Beautiful America (S503b,d)
          Created by OldBlueWebDesigns.com
          From: darrell94590 on 9/9/2006
 Source: http://mybeautifulamerica.com/mybeautifulamerica.htm

 This video is a wonderful tribute to the beauty of the
 U.S.A.  You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Presidential Affairs (S473)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/1/2006

 1. Which president smoked marijuana with a nude playgirl
    while he joked about being too wasted to "push the
    button" in case of nuclear attack??

 2. Which president allegedly had affairs with both a
    winner AND a finalist in the Miss America pageant??

 3. Which president had sex with one of his secretaries
    stretched outatop a desk in the oval office??

 4. Which president allegedly had an affair (as well
    as children) with a slave who was his wife's half sister??

 5. Which president called his mistress "Pookie"??

 6. Which president married a woman who hadn't
    yet divorced her first husband, and was branded
    an "adulterer" during his re-election campaign??

 7. Which future president wrote love letters to his
    neighbor's wife while he was engaged to someone else??

 8. Which president had a torrid affair with the
    First Lady's personal secretary??

 9. Which president had sex with a young woman in a
    White House coat closet, while, at one point a secret
    service agent prevented the hysterical First Lady from
    attacking them??

10. Which president had sex in a closet while telling his
    partner about the other president who did the same in
    a closet??

11. Which Vice-President was ticked off because he
    felt that HIS record of sexual conquests was much more
    "impressive" (i.e.numerous) than the President's??

12. Which future president, while a college student,
    enjoyed showing off his penis, which he named Jumbo??

    Answers:
    1. John F. Kennedy
    2. Bill Clinton
    3. Lyndon B. Johnson
    4. Thomas Jefferson
    5. Bill Clinton
    6. Andrew Jackson
    7. George Washington, Lyndon B. Johnson
    8. Franklin D. Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy
    9. Warren G. Harding
   10. John F. Kennedy
   11. Lyndon B. Johnson
   12. Lyndon B. Johnson

Top
Subj:     US Citizenship Test (S507b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 10/5/2006

 Can you pass the test to become a US Citizen?  Here is an
 excerpt from the test for citizenship---  to test your
 citizenship worthiness. Good luck! The answers are listed
 at the end of the email .....
 

  1. What do the stripes on the flag mean?
     a) They represent the 13 original colonies
     b) They represent each of the people who
       signed the Declaration of Independence
     c) They represent the battles fought for
        United States independence

  2. How many changes or amendments are
     there to the Constitution?
     a) 23
     b) 19
     c) 27

  3. What are the three branches of our government?
     a) Legislative, executive, and judicial
     b) Legislative, parliamentary, judicial
     c) Executive, legislative, parliamentary

  4. What did the Emancipation Proclamation do?
     a) It ordered that Pilgrims be freed from British
        oppression
     b) It ordered that slaves in rebel territory be freed
     c) It allowed citizens of the United States to claim land

  5. Who becomes president of the United States
     if the president and the vice president should die?
     a) The secretary of state
     b) The attorney general
     c) The Speaker of the House of Representatives

  6. Which countries were our principal allies during
     World War II?
     a) United Kingdom, Canada, Australia,
        New Zealand, Russia, Italy, France
     b) United Kingdom, Canada, Australia,
        New Zealand, Italy, China, France
     c) United Kingdom, Canada, Australia,
        New Zealand, Russia, China, France

  7. What is the 49th state of the Union (United States)?
     a) Alaska
     b) Hawaii
     c) New Mexico

  8. How many Supreme Court justices are there?
     a) 9
     b) 12
     c) 13

  9. What is the national anthem of the United States?
     a) "America the Beautiful"
     b) "This Land is Your Land"
     c) "The Star-Spangled Banner"

 10. In what year was the Constitution written?
     a) 1776
     b) 1771
     c) 1787

 11. What is the name of the ship that brought the
     Pilgrims to America?
     a) Constitution
     b) Mayflower
     c) Titanic
 ___________________________________

 Answer Key: 1) a, 2) c, 3) a, 4) b, 5) c,
     6) c, 7) a,  8) a, 9) c, 10) c, 11) b

Top
Subj:     From Sea To Shining Sea (S493c,d)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 7/3/2006
 Source: http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=1545489532

 A SWF video tribute to the United States.  It is best to
 see it at the above source, or on site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     You Know You Work For The Government If... (S468)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 1/10/2006

 When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

 You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

 Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your
 best jokes.

 Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

 You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

 Computer specialists know less about computers than
 your teenager.

 Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.

 You see a good looking person and know they are a visitor.

 Management thinks a business trip with uncompensated
 mandatory weekend travel is a perk.

 Although you have a telephone, pager, E-mail, FAX, company
 distribution, Fed-X, US mail and coworkers sitting right
 on the other side of the partition...communication is a
 continuing problem.

 You know, and everyone that works with you knows, your
 performance is superior, but "satisfactory" is the highest
 level on the documented performance rating.

 You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly
 say "Oh wow, thanks!"

 Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

 When workers screw up they are transferred to another office
 to be someone else's problem; when management screws up they
 are promoted.

 Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes,"
 "in your spare time," "when you're freed up" and "I have an
 opportunity for you."

 Training is something spoken about but never seen.

 Vacation is something you roll over to next year.

 The worst possible reputation comes from being the initiator
 of a complaint.

 You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

Top
 Subj:     An Ode To America (S493b)
           From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/4/2006

 Subject: Editorial from a Romanian newspaper; An ode to America

 Why are Americans so united?  They don't resemble one another
 even if you paint them!  They speak all the languages of the
 world and form an astonishing mixture of civilizations.  Some
 of them are nearly extinct, others are incompatible with one
 another, and in matters of religious beliefs, not even God can
 count how many they are.

 Still, the American tragedy turned three hundred million people
 into a hand put on the heart.  Nobody rushed to accuse the White
 House, the army, the secret services that they are only a bunch
 of losers.  Nobody rushed to empty their bank accounts.  Nobody
 rushed on the streets nearby to gape about.  The Americans
 volunteered to donate blood and to give a helping hand.

 After the first moments of panic, they raised the flag on the
 smoking ruins, putting on T-shirts, caps and ties in the colors
 of the national flag.  They placed flags on buildings and cars
 as if in every place and on every car a minister or the president
 was passing.  On every occasion they started singing their
 traditional song: "God Bless America!".

 Silent as a rock, I watched the charity concert broadcast on
 Saturday once, twice, three times, on different TV channels.
 There were Clint Eastwood, Willie Nelson, Robert de Niro, Julia
 Roberts, Cassius Clay, Jack Nicholson, Bruce Springsteen,
 Silvester Stalone, James Wood, and many others whom no film or
 producers could ever bring together.

 The American's solidarity spirit turned them into a choir.
 Actually, choir is not the word.  What you could hear was the
 heavy artillery of the American soul.  What neither George W.
 Bush, nor Bill Clinton, nor Colin Powell could say without
 facing the risk of stumbling over words and sounds, was being
 heard in a great and unmistakable way in this charity concert.
 I don't know how it happened that all this obsessive singing
 of America didn't sound croaky, nationalist, or ostentatious!
 It made you green with envy because you weren't able to sing
 for your country without running the risk of being considered
 chauvinist, ridiculous, or suspected of who-knows-what mean
 interests.  I watched the live broadcast and the rerun of its
 rerun for hours listening to the story of the guy who went
 down one hundred floors with a woman in a wheelchair without
 knowing who she was, or of the Californian hockey player, who
 fought with the terrorists and prevented the plane from
 hitting a target that would have killed other hundreds or
 thousands of people.

 How on earth were they able to bow before a fellow human?
 Imperceptibly, with every word and musical note, the memory
 of some turned into a modern myth of tragic heroes.  And
 with every phone call, millions and millions of dollars
 were put in a collection aimed at rewarding not a man or a
 family, but a spirit which nothing can buy.  What on earth
 can unite the Americans in such a way? Their land?  Their
 galloping history?  Their economic power?  Money?

 I tried for hours to find an answer, humming songs and
 murmuring phrases which risk of sounding like commonplaces.
 I thought things over, but I reached only one conclusion.

 Only freedom can work such miracles.

 This article is true based on Snopes.com at
 http://www.snopes.com/rumors/romania.htm

Top
Subj:     Independence Day Quiz (S466, S744)
          From: igiggle on 12/21/2005
 Source: http://games.toast.net/independence/

 Take this quiz and see how informed you are.  Some of the
 same questions appear on the United States' Naturalization
 test for immigrants.

Top
Subj:     The U.S.A. In The Year 1904 (S420)
          From: ICohen on 1/27/2005

 Maybe this will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The
 year is 1904 one hundred years ago. What a difference a
 century makes!  Here are some of the US statistics for 1904:

 The average life expectancy in the US was 47 years.

 Only 14% of the homes in the US had a bathtub.

 Only 8%of the homes had a telephone.

 A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost $11.00

 There were only 8,000 cars in the US, and only 144 miles
 of paved roads.

 The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

 Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily
 populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents,
 California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

 The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

 The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.

 The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

 A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
 a dentist $2,500 per year.

 More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.

 Ninety % of all US physicians had no college education. Instead,
 they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in
 the press and by the government as "substandard."

 Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

 Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

 Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax
 or egg yolks for shampoo.

 Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the
 country for any reason.

 The five leading causes of death in the US were:
 1. Pneumonia and influenza
 2. Tuberculosis
 3. Diarrhea
 4. Heart disease
 5. Stroke

 The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico,
 Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

 The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30!

 Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.

 There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

 Two of 10 US adults couldn't read or write.  Only 6 % of all
 Americans had graduated high school.

 Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the
 counter at corner drugstores.  According to one pharmacist,
 "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,
 regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect
 guardian of health." (Shocking!)

 Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one
 full-time servant or domestic.

 There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US

 And I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself,
 and sent it to you in a matter of seconds! Try to imagine what
 it may be like in another 100 years ... it staggers the mind.

Top
Subj:     Congresswoman Flies To Rhino, New York (S418)
          From: drgolfmd on 1/28/2005

 A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I
 want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York."

 The agent was at a loss for words Finally, the agent said,
 "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"

 "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady.

 After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry,
 ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and
 can't find a Rhino anywhere."

 The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where
 it is. Check your map!"

 The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally
 offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"

 "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said.

Top
Subj:     Lincoln Hires Private Investigator (S349b)
          From: SCHULACES3 on 10/2/2003

 Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary
 to hire a private investigator - Mr. Alan Pinkerton.  He was
 actually the beginning of the Secret Service.  Since that
 time federal police authority has grown to a large number of
 agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, SS, ATF, etc.

 Now Congress is considering a proposal for another agency:
 "The Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service."
 Can't you see it now?  The new service in their black uniforms
 with their initials in large white letters across their backs?

 FATASS

Top
Subj:     Presidents Dieing In Office (S338)
          From: Imogenelumen 7/13/2003

 Look what happens when a President gets elected in a year
 with a "0" at the end.  Also notice it goes in increments
 of 20 years.

 1840: William Henry Harrison (died in office)
 1860: Abraham Lincoln (assassinated)
 1880: James A. Garfield (assassinated)
 1900: William McKinley (assassinated)
 1920: Warren G. Harding (died in office)
 1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (dies in office)
 1960: John F. Kennedy (assassinated)
 1980: Ronald Reagan (survived assassination attempt)
 2000: George W. Bush ????????????

 And to think that we had two guys fighting it out
 in the courts to be the one elected in 2000.

Top
Subj:     Peace Plan by Robin Williams (S327b)
          From: szalay on 4/30/2003

 Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan.
 What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and
 repeat this message.

 Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with his logic!)

 I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not
 heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan:
 1) The US will apologize to the world for our "interference"
 in their affairs, past ? present. We will promise never to
 "interfere" again.
 2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world,
 starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines.
 They don't want us there.  We would station troops at our
 borders.  No more sneaking through holes in the fence.
 3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs
 together and leave.  We'll give them a free trip home.
 After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and
 deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are.
 France would welcome them.
 4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and
 limited to 90 day visits unless given a special permit.
 No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in.  If
 you don't like it there, change it yourself, don't hide
 here. Asylum would not ever be available to anyone. We
 don't need any more cab drivers.
 5) No "students" over age 21.  The older ones are the
 bombers.  If they don't attend classes, they get a "D"
 and it's back home, baby.
 6) The US will make a strong effort to become self
 sufficient energy wise.  This will include developing
 non polluting sources of energy but will require a
 temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The
 caribou will have to cope for a while.
 7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries
 $10 a barrel for their oil.  If they don't like it, we
 go someplace else.
 8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in
 the world, we will not "interfere".  They can pray to
 Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever
 they need.  Besides, most of what we give them gets
 "lost" or is taken by their army.  The people who need
 it most get very little, anyway.
 9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an island some place.  We
 don't need the spies and fair weather friends here.
 Besides, it would make a good homeless shelter or lockup
 for illegal aliens. And the best part is, look at all
 the New York parking spaces and apartments that will be
 freed up!
 10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school.
 That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.

 Now, ain't that a winner of a plan. "The Statue of Liberty
 is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your
 huddled masses.'  She's got a baseball bat and she's
 yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'" - Robin

Top
Subj:     Robin William's Peace Plan Is A Hoax (S328)
          From: tnkr on 5/11/2003

 My apologies, the Robin William's piece is a hoax.  See the
 attached web site for details.

 http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/williams.asp

 Becky, thank you for catching my error.  I should have spotted
 it as a possible Urban Legend and checked my article at
 www.snopes2.com

Top
Subj:     British Mirror On September 11 (S300)
          From: RFSlick on 11/9/2002

 For those of you who aren't familiar with the DAILY MIRROR,
 it is a notoriously anti-American daily publication in the
 United Kingdom.  Tony Parsons, the author of the following
 article written one year after 9/11, has been a steady critic
 of US policy on many political and economic issues over the
 years.

 The following is a sharp departure from his normal writings.

     "Shame On You American-Hating Liberals"
     Tony Parsons
     DAILY MIRROR
     September 11, 2002

 One year ago, the world witnessed a unique kind of broad-
 casting -- the mass murder of thousands -- live on TV.  As
 a lesson in the pitiless cruelty of the human race, September
 11 was up there with Pol Pot's mountain of skulls in Cambodia,
 or the skeletal bodies stacked like garbage in the Nazi
 concentration camps.  An unspeakable act so cruel, so
 calculated and so utterly merciless that surely the world
 could agree on one thing -- nobody deserves this fate.

 Surely there could be consensus: the victims were truly
 innocent, the perpetrators truly evil.  But to the world's
 eternal shame, 9/11 is increasingly seen as America's
 comeuppance. Incredibly, anti-Americanism has increased
 over the last year.

 There has always been a simmering resentment to the USA in
 this country -- to loud, too rich, too full of themselves
 and so much happier than Europeans -- but it has become an
 epidemic.  And it seems incredible to me.  More than that,
 it turns my stomach.  America is this country's greatest
 friend and our staunchest ally.  We are bonded to the US
 by culture, language and blood.

 A little over half a century ago, around half a million
 Americans died for our freedoms, as well as their own.
 Have we forgotten so soon?  And exactly a year ago,
 thousands of ordinary men, women and children -- not
 just Americans, but from dozens of countries, were
 butchered by a small group of religious fanatics.  Are we
 so quick to betray our allies?  What touched the heart
 about those who died in the Twin Towers and on the planes
 was that we recognized them.  Young fathers and mothers,
 somebody's son and somebody's daughter, husbands and wives,
 and children, some unborn.  And these people brought it on
 themselves?  And their nation is to blame for their
 meticulously planned slaughter?

 These days you don't have to be some dust-encrusted nut
 job in Kabul or Karachi or Finsbury Park to see America
 as the Great Satan.  The anti-American alliance is made up
 of self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for
 every ill in the Third World, and conservatives suffering
 from power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower
 can do what it likes without having to ask permission.

 The truth is that America has behaved with ENORMOUS
 restraint since September 11th.  Remember, remember,
 remember the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men
 phoning their wives to say "I love you," before they were
 burned alive.  Remember those people leaping to their
 deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers and those who
 knew the plane they were on was going to crash.  Remember
 the hundreds of firemen buried alive.  Remember the smiling
 face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the
 planes with her mum. Remember, remember -- and realize
 that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything like
 the way it could have.

 So a few al-Qaeda tourists got locked without a trial in
 Camp X-ray?  Oh, please pass the Kleenex.  So some Afghan
 wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired
 their semi-automatics into a sky full of American planes?
 A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti.

 AMERICA could have turned a large chunk of the world into
 a parking lot.  That it didn't is a sign of strength.
 American voices are already being raised against attacking
 Iraq -- that's what a democracy is for.  How many in the
 Islamic world will have a minute's silence for the
 slaughtered innocents of 9/11? More so, how many Islamic
 leaders will have the guts to say that the mass murder of
 9/11 was an abomination?  We have never heard a statement
 from them.  When will we ever hear their outrage?  When
 will we hear their stance?

 When the news of 9/11 broke on the West Bank, those freedom-
 loving Palestinians were dancing in the street.  America
 watched all of that -- and didn't push the button.  We
 should thank the stars that America is the most powerful
 nation in the world.  I still find it incredible that 9/11
 did not provoke all-out war.  Not a "war on terrorism."  A
 real war.

 The fundamentalist dudes are talking about opening the
 gates of Hell if America attacks Iraq.  Well, America
 could have opened the gates of Hell like you wouldn't
 believe.  The US is the most militarily powerful nation
 that ever strode the face of the earth.

 The campaign in Afghanistan may have been less than perfect
 and the planned war on Iraq may be misconceived.  But don't
 blame America for not bringing peace and light to these
 wretched countries.  How many democracies are there in the
 Middle East, or in the Muslim world?  You can count them on
 the fingers of one hand -- assuming you haven't had any
 chopped off for a minor shoplifting offense.

 I love America, yet America is hated.  I guess that makes
 me Bush's poodle.  But I would rather be a dog in New York
 City than a Prince in Riyadh.  Above all, America is hated
 because it is what every country wants to be: rich, free,
 strong, open, optimistic. Not ground down by the past, or
 religion, or some caste system.  America is the best friend
 the UK has ever had and we should start remembering that.
 Or do you really think the USA is the root of all evil?

 Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women who leaped
 to their death from the burning towers.  Tell it to the
 nursing mothers whose husbands died on one of the hijacked
 planes, or were ripped apart in a collapsing skyscraper.
 And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands
 worked for the New York Fire Department.

 Remember, remember, remember 9/11.  One of the greatest
 atrocities in human history was committed.  No, do more
 than remember.  Never forget.

     Tony Parsons
     DAILY MIRROR
     September 11, 2002

Top
Subj:     The Future In Year 2035 (S290b, S450b)
          From: RFSlick on 8/23/2002 and 8/31/2005

 (see 'Headlines 2050' in LISTS)

 Good morning.  Since you guys will probably be around in
 2035, I thought you might like to check out what the world
 will be like:

 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the
 seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally
 known as California. White minorities still trying to have
 English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

 Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops
 and livestock.

 Baby conceived naturally!  Scientists stumped!

 Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

 Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

 Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American
 Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran,
 Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

 Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will be at
 least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe
 levels.

 France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

 Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
 imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned
 all smoking.

 George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

 Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89
 and reduces weekly mail delivery to Wednesday only.

 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key
 to weight loss.

 Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

 Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed
 so fast, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

 Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

 Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their
 civil rights.

 Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

 Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

 Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of
 Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

 New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
 fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by
 January 2036.

 Congress authorizes direct deposit of previously illegal
 political contributions to campaign accounts.

 Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with
 congressman.

 IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

 Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines


Subj:     Short National Jokes
 

Top
Subj:    Theodore Roosevelt On Immigrants
............And Being An AMERICAN (S467)
         From: darrell94590 on 12/29/2005
 You can view this quotation and picture by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The Constitution (by Jay Leno) (S373b)
          From: Imogenelumen on 3/18/2004
 "As you may have heard, the U.S. is putting together a
 constitution for Iraq.  Why don't we just give them ours?
 Think about it - - - it was written by very smart people,
 it's served us well for over two hundred years...........
 and besides, we're not using it anymore.
 

Top
Subj:     The Wooden Statue Eagle-USA (S369)
          From: Potty Puzzles on 2/15/2004
 Source: http://www.pottypuzzles.com/acatalog/index.html

 It costs 30 francs and can be ordered over the internet.
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Top
Subj:     A Billion In Perspective... (S326, S569c)
          From: woneye on 4/27/2003
      and From: AFine963 on 12/14/2007
 A billion is a difficult number to comprehend so here are
 some perspectives to help you relate ...

 A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

 A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive

 A billion hours ago our ancestors were living
 in the Stone Age.

 A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes,
 at the rate Washington spends it.
 

Top
Subj:     Happy President's Day (S367)
          From: igiggle on 2/6/2004
 This is neat.  Move your mouse over the balls.
 Click 'HERE' to try my copy.
 

Top
Subj:     Free Market Vs Canadian Drugs (362b)
          From: JOELFALLON on 1/1/2004
 A car company can move its factories to Mexico and claim
    it's a free market.
 A toy company can outsource to a Chinese subcontractor
    and claim it's a free market.
 A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid taxes
    and claim it's a free market.
 We can buy HP printers made in Mexico.  We can buy shirts
    made in Bangladesh.
 We can purchase almost anything we want from many different
    countries, BUT heaven help the elderly who dare to buy
    their prescription drugs from a Canadian or Mexican
    pharmacy. That's called un-American!
 And you think the pharmaceutical companies don't have a
    powerful lobby?  Think again!
 

Top
Subj:     US Flag Of Flowers (S320)
          From: JBCARY1 on 3/21/2003
 See it on my web site by clicking 'Here'.

 Between the field where the flag is planted there are 9+
 miles of flower fields that go all the way to the ocean.
 The flowers are grown by seed companies.  It's a beautiful
 place close to Vandenberg AFB. Checkout the dimensions of
 the flag.

 The 2002 Floral Flag is 740 feet long and 390 feet wide
 and maintains the proper Flag dimensions as described in
 Executive Order #10834. This Flag is 6.65 acres and is
 the first Floral Flag to be planted with 5 pointed Stars
 comprised of White Larkspur.  Each Star is 24 feet in
 diameter; Each Stripe is 30 feet wide.  This Flag is
 estimated to contain more than 400,000 Larkspur plants
 with 4-5 flower stems each for a total of more than 2
 million flowers. You can drive by this flag on V Street
 south of Ocean Ave. in Lompoc, CA 2 1/2 hours north of
 Los Angeles.

 Aerial photo courtesy of Bill Morson
 

Top
Subj:     What Americans Don't Know (S304)
          From: jerry on 11/24/2002
 The National Geographic Society's recent international
 survey of 18-24 year-olds found the following:

 11% of Americans could not locate the United States
 on a world map.

 29% of Americans could not point out the Pacific Ocean.

 Only 58% of Americans knew that the Taliban and
 al-Qaeda were based in Afghanistan.

 Only 30% of Americans could find New Jersey on the map.

 But 34% of American knew that the TV show "Survivor"
 was filmed in the Marquesas Islands although we suspect
 that they don't know where it's located.

 BBC 20-Nov-02
 

Top
Subj:     Israeli Travel Tips (S302)
         From: jerry on 11/13/2002
 Alon Stivi, an Israeli commando turned security consultant,
 and victim of an ambush in Beirut, had given The Wall Street
 Journal the following tips for travelers:

 Always book a plane seat near the emergency exit and never
 on the aisle.  He says rescue attempts on the tarmac are
 initiated from the front or back so gunfire is directed along
 the isle.

 Always pick the second floor of a hotel, which is too high
 for a window break-in but low enough to jump for safety in
 the event of a fire.

 In a hostage situation, humanize yourself by asking for
 water or a blanket, for example.  But don't get too friendly
 because "When captors need a human shield, they'll often
 pick someone they're comfortable with."

 Michael Kesterton column in the Globe and Mail (Toronto)

From: woneye on 8/27/2003 (S344b)
 For every action, there is an equal and
 opposite government program.

From: LABLaughs.com on 10/25/2003 (S352b)
 Simple, clear purpose and principles give rise to
 complex intelligent behavior. Complex rules and
 regulations give rise to simple stupid behavior.

From: igiggle on 4/21/2004 (S378b)
 It's becoming more and more difficult to support the
 government in the style to which it has become accustomed.

From: igiggle on 12/15/2005 (S464b - christmas4)
 Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want
 and adults pay for it.  Deficits are when adults tell the
 government what they want - and their kids pay for it.
   -- Richard Lamm, former governor of Colorado.

From: LABLaughs.com on 1/30/2006 (S470b)
 "America is the only country that went from barbarism to
  decadence without civilization in between."
    -- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/9/2006 (S477b)
 "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
    -- Paul Rodriguez
 

From: flovilla on 1/23/2006 (S471c)
 Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
 A: Their birthplace

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