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Subj:    National Jokes About States
               (Includes 46 jokes and articles, 06973,5,cf,wXT2,1)

Click "Here" for National_States-Supp


Uncle Sam from
Steve Gibbs
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Includes the following:  Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S630b in Supp)
.........................50 State Capitals - Video (S672 in Supp)
.........................States Names Puzzle (S582 in Supp)
.........................Towns In Texas (S560c in Supp)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! II (S630c in Supp)
.........................Reno Vs Los Angeles (S522c in Supp)
.........................Four Women On A Drive (S447b in Supp)
.........................State Average IQ and Presidential Vote (S428 in Supp)
.........................God Created Washington State (S408b in Supp)
.........................North Dakota's Nuclear Missiles (S315b in Supp)
.........................U.S. Towns With Strange Names (S314 in Supp)
.........................How To Pronounce Wisconsin City (S305b in Supp)
.........................Bishop's Castle - Photo (S928 in Supp)
.........................Louisiana Hurricane Season Notes (S298b in Supp)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S664)
.........................When It's Cold In Buffalo (S283, DU)
.........................Texas Talk Translated To English (S326, S470b)
.........................Texas (S244b, DU)
.........................Arizona Lightning Storms - Video (S926)
.........................In Oklahoma Too Long, If... (S241, DU)
.........................It's So Hot In Oklahoma... (S235, DU)
.........................Evacuation Plans For Houston (S233b, DU)
.........................We've Moved - Cartoon (S401)
.........................Kansas Tourism Council Bulletin: (S226, DU)
.........................LA Elections (S224, DU)
.........................A West Virginia Love Story (S221, S646)
.........................Frank And Ernest Cartoon (DU)
.........................Rolling Blackout Theme Song! (S219, DU)
.........................New Slogans For Florida (S199, DU)
.........................Congressional Retiremnt Sys.(S176, S419b)
.........................The 80's (S169, DU)
.........................A Moral Question (S155, DU)
.........................Four Guys f/States In Car (S122, DU)
.........................Rain In Portland (S114, DU)
.........................Rejected State Mottos: (S178, S528c)
.........................Montana Jokes
..............................3 Lies Of Montana Man (S182, S622)
                         Short States Jokes (S182)
..............................McCoy Political Cartoon (S633 in Supp)
..............................Mt. Rushmore (S629b in Supp)
..............................Titty Bar In Wisconsin (S554b in Supp)
..............................When For The First 48 States (S540 in Supp)
..............................Why They Lock Their Doors In Florida (S435 in Supp)
..............................Florida The Health State (S410b in Supp)
..............................States Drag And Drop (S414b in Supp)
..............................State Map Test (S401 in Supp)
..............................Iraq Vs Washington D.C. (S353b in Supp)
..............................If You Don't Pay Your Water Bill (S337b in Supp)
..............................Rochester, New York's Slogan (S032b in Supp)
..............................California Recall By Doonesbury (S348b)
..............................Washington Earthquake (S214)
..............................On A Rock In Rural Iowa (S347)
..............................State Riddle
..............................Why I Love Iowa (S203)

Also see APPLICATIONS - 'Application For Minnesota Citizenship'
         BANKING file - 'Alabama State Quarters'
         BIRDS file   - 'Red Pigeon In Phoenix'
         BLACKS2 file - 'Painting Of Three Nude Black Men'
         BREAST file  - 'New Bra Invented In Texas'
         CARS3 file   - 'Driver Identification By State'
         CLOTHING file- 'Two Cajuns Buy Cloths In Texas'
         COMPUTERS4   - 'The Importance Of Correct E-Mail Addresses'
......................- 'Signs You Are In The 21st Century'
         DOONSBURY    -  (many Arnold pictures)
         ELDERLY4 file- 'Sick Old Man Is Grateful'
         FACTS4 file  - 'Carolina Bank Robber'
         FART file    - 'Ole Buys Cow In Minnesota'
         FOURTHOFJULY -  (the whole file)
         GAMES2 file  - 'Hangnun'
         GENIE file   - 'Minnesota Fishing Genie'
         GRAVEYARD    - 'Montana Rancher Dies'
         JOBS2 file   - 'Government Road Workers'
         LAWYERS2 file- 'Washington State Attorney Season And Bag Limits'
         MEN1 file    - 'Wild Party In Vermont'
         MOVIE-TV-SUPP- 'Montana Survivor TV Series'
         PENIS2 file  - 'Texan Has A Baby'
         OTHER-SPORTS - 'Minnesotans Learn About New Sports'
         PLANE1 file  - 'Welcoming The Troups In Maine'
         POLICE2 file - 'State Budget Proposals'
         POLITICAL2   - 'Quote Of The Year'
         PREACHER file- 'Invocation In The Kansas Senate'
         QUOTES2 file - 'Bush Quotes'
         SCHOOL3 file - 'Illinois Teacher Tests'
         SOUTHERN     - 'When The End Of The World Comes'
.........STORIES file - 'Two Great Stories'
         TATTOOS file - 'Returning From Canada w/Tattoos'
         THOUGHTS WARM- 'When My Grandmother Was A Child'
         TRAIN file   - 'Rail Road Crossing In North Dakota'
         YOU'RE FROM  - 'Atlanta, GA'
......................- 'You Know You're A Coloranan If...'
......................- 'New California Language'
......................- 'You Know You're From Missouri If...'
......................- 'You Know You're A Native Noo Awleanian If:'
......................- (rest of the file is about California)
===========================================================Top
(S664)
     by John Graziano on 9/25/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/09/25
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Top
Subj:     When It's Cold In Buffalo (S283)
          From: twistedhumor.com on 1/9/00

 50 degrees -- New Yorkers turn on the heat.
               People in Buffalo plant gardens.

 40 degrees -- Californians shiver uncontrollably.
               People in Buffalo sunbathe.

 35 degrees -- Italian cars won't start.
               People in Buffalo drive with the windows down.

 32 degrees -- Distilled water freezes.
               Buffalo water gets thicker.

 20 degrees -- Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
               People in Buffalo throw on a T-shirt.

 15 degrees -- Californians begin to evacuate the state.
               People in Buffalo go swimming.

 Zero degrees -- New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
               People in Buffalo have the last cookout
               before it gets cold.

 10 degrees below zero -- People in Miami cease to exist.
               People in Buffalo lick flagpoles.

 20 degrees below zero -- Californians fly away to Mexico.
               People in Buffalo throw on a light jacket.

 40 degrees below zero -- Hollywood disintegrates.
               People in Buffalo rent videos.

 60 degrees below zero -- Mt. St. Helens freezes.
               Buffalo Girl Scouts begin selling cookies
               door to door.

 80 degrees below zero -- Polar bears begin to evacuate
               the Arctic. Buffalo Boy Scouts postpone
              "Winter Survival" classes until it gets
               cold enough.

 100 degrees below zero -- Santa Claus abandons the North
               Pole. People in Buffalo pull down their ear
               flaps.

 173 degrees below zero -- Ethyl alcohol freezes.
               People in Buffalo get frustrated when they
               can't thaw their kegs.

 297 degrees below zero -- Microbial life start to disapear.
               Buffalo cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

 460 degrees below zero -- ALL atomic motion stops.
               People in Buffalo start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

 500 degrees below zero -- Hell freezes over.
               Buffalo wins the Stanley Cup.

Top
Subj:     Texas Talk Translated To English (S326, S470b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 4/27/2003
      and From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 1/20/2006

 Phrases and their definitions straight from a real live
 cowboy...

 The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving.
 (Not overly intelligent)

 All hat, no cattle.
 (All talk and no action)

 We've howdied but we ain't shook yet.
 (We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally
 introduced)

 He's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth.
 (Talks a lot)

 He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch.
 (Not the most handsome of men)

 As full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
 (Prone to boasting)

 You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make
 'em biscuits.
 (You can say whatever you want about something, but that
 doesn't change what it is)

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 1/20/2006
 Tighter than bark on a tree.
 (Not very generous.)

 He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
 (He has a pretty high opinion of himself.)

 As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.
 (self-explanatory)

 It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs.
 (We really could use a little rain around here.)

 Just because a chicken has wings don't mean it can fly.
 (Appearances can be deceptive.)

 This ain't my first rodeo.
 (I've been around awhile.)

 They ate supper before they said grace.
 (Living in sin.)

Top
Subj:     Texas (S244b)
          From: flovilla on 9/8/2001

 I've lived in rural Texas for about 2 years now and I
 thought I would share a few of the thing I have learned.
 I was born a Yankee, but as they say here, I came to
 Texas as fast as I could...

 All the following points are true and I have learned them
 personally...

 Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet
 in the air

 Roadrunners don't say "Beep Beep"

 There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.

 There are 10,001 types of spiders. 10,000 live in Texas.

 Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.

 Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know
 when they are ripe.

 If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

 Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

 There are valid reasons some people put constatine wire
 around their house.

 You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner
 to corner.

 A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

 Texas has 5 seasons:
     Spring, Feb 16 to April 15
     Summer, April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
     Super Summer, July 16 to Sept 10 (100 to 115 degrees)
     Summer, Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
     Fall, Oct 2 to Dec. 1
     Winter Dec. 2 to Feb 15

 The wind blows at 90 MPH from Oct. 2 until July 15, then
 it stops totally.

 Onced and Twiced are words

 It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

 Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

 Graduating 1st in your class means you left in the 8th grade.

 Coldbeer is one word.

 People actually grow and eat Okra.

 Texans really don't have an accent.

 When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees
 will survive.

 Green grass DOES burn.

 When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog.
 City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of
 the night.

 The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for
 the first couple of weeks.

 When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's
 time to go to the doctor.

 Fixinto is one word.

 A tank is a dirt hole in the ground that holds water for
 irrigation.

 Backards and Forards means I know everything about you.

 You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter
 what time it is.

 You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

 And the most important thing......There's no place I'd
 rather be than Texas!

Top
Subj:     Arizona Lightning Storms (S926d)
          Created by: Mike Olbinski
          From: Dinah Johnson on Facebook

.Source:.https://www.facebook.com/
.........video.php?v=10152774280924015

 Click 'HERE' to watch this remarkable time-lapse, one
 minute video with music of an Arizona lightning storms
 during a monsoon in 2014.

Top
Subj:     In Oklahoma Too Long, If... (S241)
          From: flovilla on 9/8/2001

 * Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass
   a tractor on the highway.

 * "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.

 * You've seen all of the biggest bands...10 years
   after they were popular.

 * You measure distance in minutes.

 * You know several people who have hit a deer.

 * Your school classes were canceled because of the cold.

 * Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

 * You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the
   same day.

 * You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better".

 * Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

 * Stores don't have shopping carts; they have buggies.

 * You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.

 * You see a car running in the parking lot at the store
   with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

 * You use "fix" as a verb. Ex.: I am "fixing" to go to
   the store.

 * All of the festivals across the state are named
   after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

 * You install security lights on your house and garage,
   and leave both unlocked.

 * You think of the 4 major food groups as beef, pork,
   beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

 * You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.

 * You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

 * You only own 4 spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and
   Tabasco.

 * You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

 * You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt ? boxer shorts.

 * The local paper covers national and international
   news on 1 page, but requires 6  pages for sports.

 * You think that deer season is a national holiday.

 * You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

 * You find 90 degrees F "a little warm".

 * You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still
   Summer, and Christmas.

 * You know if another Okie is from southern, middle or
   northern Oklahoma as soon as they open their mouth.

 * There is a Sonic in every town with a population of
   1,000 or more.

 * You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees)
   as good gumbo weather.

 * A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda or a cola or a
   pop --- it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.

 * Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as
   "goin' to WallyWorld".

 * You recognize that cheese grits and catfish nuggets
   is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the
   people by the Lord Himself.

 * You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of
   a hunk of bread with flavored flour and water --- a
   delicacy known  as "biscuit n' gravy".

 * You actually get these jokes and forward them to all
   your friends from Oklahoma

   ...I'VE BEEN IN OKLAHOMA WAY TO LONG...

Top
Subj:     It's So Hot In Oklahoma... (S235)
          From: flovilla on 7/30/2001

 The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms
    out of the ground.
 Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep
    them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
 The cows are giving evaporated milk.
 The trees are whistling for the dogs.
 The temperature drops below 95, the local TV weatherman
    announces a "cold spell" has arrived ? and you feel
    a bit chilly.
 You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
 You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
 You can make instant sun tea.
 You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good
    branding iron.
 You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers
    to drive your car.
 You discover that you can get a sunburn through your
    car window.
 You notice the best parking place is determined by
    shade instead of distance.
 Hot water now comes out of both taps.
 It's noon in August, kids are on summer vacation, and
    not one person is out on the streets.
 You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
 You break a sweat the instant you step outside at
    7:30 a.m. before work.
 No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
 Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get
    knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and
    cook to death?"
 You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
 The golf caddie's only instruction is "play for shade!"
 A sad Okie once prayed, "I wish it would rain-not so
    much for me, cuz I've seen it-but for my 7-year-old."
 A visitor to Oklahoma once asked, "Does it ever rain
    out here?" A rancher quickly answered "Yes, it does.
    Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained
    for 40 days and 40 nights?"  The visitor replied, "Yes,
    I'm familiar with Noah's flood."  "Well," the rancher
    puffed up, "we got about two and a half inches of that."

Top
Subj:     Evacuation Plans For Houston (S233b)
          From: TAdams on 7/19/2001

 Houston City officials just announced the Houston Hurricane
 Evacuation Plan today for an orderly and balanced evacuation
 of the city, it is as follows:

 Hispanics, use I-10 West to San Antonio

 Cajuns, use I-10 East to Lafayette

 Rednecks, use 59 North to East Texas

 Republicans, fly Continental to Washington DC

 Yankees and Democrats, use 45 South to Galveston

 Longhorns and T-sippers, use 290 West to Austin

 Aggies, use 610 Loop

Top
Subj:     We've Moved (S401)
          From: JokesUncut on 10/5/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
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Subj:     Kansas Tourism Council Bulletin: (S226)
          From: scott_pryor on 5/29/2001

 This list of rules will be handed to each person as they
 enter the state.
  1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before
     breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym.  How'd
     you like to go home and tell your momma you got your
     butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?
  2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you
     drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a
     four wheel drive because I need it.  Drive it or get
     it out of the way.
  3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine
     years old.  Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
  4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our
     women will get your butt kicked...by our women.
  5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod.  Don't cry
     to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.  We
     have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish
     for...bait.
  6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
  7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are
     making their final approach, we will shoot it.  You
     might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
  8. The Jayhawks and the Wildcats are as important here as
     the Lakers and the Knicks...and a dang sight more fun
     to watch.
  9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.  Order
     steak.  Order it rare.  Or, you can order the Chef's
     Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
     Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two
     packets of sugar and a long spoon.
 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet,
     and served over ice.
 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car.  We're real
     impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines
     that we use two weeks a year.
 12. Let's get this straight.  We have one stoplight in town.
     We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want
     to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
 14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too-and turtle.  You really
     want sushi and caviar?  It's available at the bait shop.
 15. They are pigs.  That's what they smell like.  Get over
     it. Don't like it?  Interstate 70 goes two ways-35 goes
     the other two. Pick one.
 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season.
     It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to
     the first of November.  You can get breakfast at the
     church.
 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
     friendly.  Understand the concept?
 18. Yeah, we have golf courses.  Don't hit in the water
     hazards.  It spooks the fish.
 Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.

Top
Subj:     LA Elections (S224)
         From: TAdams on 3/1/2001

 According to the LA Times....

 "At least three dead aldermen registered to vote in Tuesday's
 mayoral primary.  So did one alderman's deceased mother,"
 reporter Stephanie Simon said.

 "And a dead man was listed as the chief plaintiff in a lawsuit
 filed on Election Day last November.  He was having trouble
 voting, the suit said, due to long lines at his polling
 station.  So he petitioned a judge - successfully - to keep
 city ballot boxes open late

 You can't write jokes like this, because people wouldn't
 believe it possible.  Real life, as always, is the funniest
 material.

Top
Subj:     A West Virginia Love Story (S221, S646)
          From: JBCARY1 on 4/25/2001
      and From: sam.hutkins on 5/22/2009

 Suzy Lee fell in love.
 She planned to marry Joe.
 She was so happy bout it all,
 she told her pappy so.

 Pap told her,"Suzie Gal"
 you'll have to find another.
 I'd just as soon yo maw don't know,
 but Joe is yo half-brother.

 So Suzie forgot about her Joe
 and planned to marry Will.
 But, after telling pappy this
 he said "There's trouble still".

 You can't marry Will, my gal,
 and please don't tell yo mother,
 cause Will and Joe and several mo
 I know is yo half-brother"

 But Mama knew and said "Honey chile,
 do what makes yo happy.
 Marry Will or marry Joe,
 You ain't no kin to pappy!"

Top
Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon (DU)
          By Bob Thaves on 9/3/2015
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2015/09/03
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Subj:     Rolling Blackout Theme Song! (S219)
          From: KMACINTY on 4/13/2001

 Rolling Blackout Theme Song - For Californians

 (To the theme music from the TV western "Rawhide")

 Rollin', rollin', rollin',
 Though the state is golden,
 Keep them blackouts rollin', statewide.
 A little colder weather,
 And we all freeze together,
 Wishin' more plants were on the line.
 All the things I'm missin',
 Like lights and television,
 Are waiting 'til we can pay the price.

 (Chorus)

 Turn 'em on, turn 'em off,
 Shut 'em down, block 'em out,
 Turn 'em on, turn 'em off, statewide!
 Brown 'em out, black 'em out,
 Charge 'em more, give 'em less,
 Let the pols fix the mess, statewide!

 Keep movin', movin', movin',
 Though they're disapprovin',
 Keep them rates a-movin', statewide.
 Don't try to understand 'em,
 Just raise, charge, and collect 'em.
 Soon we'll be livin' high and wide.
 My heart's calculatin',
 Nuclear plants will be waitin',
 Be waitin' at the end of my ride.

 (Chorus)

 Turn 'em on, turn 'em off,
 Shut 'em down, block 'em out,
 Turn 'em on, turn 'em off, statewide!
 Brown 'em out, black 'em out,
 Charge 'em more, give 'em less,
 Let the pols fix the mess, statewide!

Top
Subj:     New Slogans For Florida (S199)
          From: Anaise on 11/25/2000

 FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote,
          wait till you see us drive.
 FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
 FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
 FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95
          and visit one of  the other 56 states.
 FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics
          and we're Bushed.
 FLORIDA: Relax...Retire...ReVote.
 FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again! ...and
          again...and again...
 FLORIDA: Where your vote counts...and counts...
          and counts...
 FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking
          Elian away from us.
 FLORIDA: We're number one!  Wait! Recount!
 FLORIDA: Florida: So nice, we let you vote twice.
 FLORIDA: We put the "duh" in Florida.

Top
Subj:     Congressional Retirement System (S176, S419b)
          From: RFSlick on 6/17/00
      and From: CHRISDADDYG on 2/4/2005

 Our Senators and Congressmen don't pay in to Social Security,
 and, of course, they don't collect from it.  The reason is,
 they have a special retirement plan that they voted for them-
 selves many years ago.  For all practical purposes, it works
 like this:

 When they retire, they continue to draw their same pay, until
 they die, except that it may be increased from time to time,
 by cost of living adjustments.

 For instance, former Senator Bradley, and his wife, may be
 expected to draw $7,900,000, with Mrs. Bradley drawing $275,000
 during the last year of her life.  This is calculated on an
 average life span for each.

 This would be well and good, except that they paid nothing in
 on any kind of retirement, and neither does any other Senator
 or Congressman.  This fine retirement comes right out of the
 General Fund: our tax money.  While we who pay for it all,
 draw an average of $1000/month from Social Security.

 Imagine for a moment that you could structure a retirement
 plan so desirable that people would have extra deducted so
 that they could increase their own personal retirement income.

 A retirement plan that works so well, that Railroad employees,
 Postal Workers, and others who aren't in it, would clamor to
 get in.  That is how good Social Security could be, if only
 one small change was made.

 That change is to jerk the Golden Fleece retirement out from
 under the Senators and Congressmen, and put them in Social
 Security with the rest of us. Then watch how fast they fix it.

 If enough people receive this, maybe one or some of them along
 the way, might be able to help.  But I doubt it.  How many can
 YOU send it to?

Top
Subj:     The 80's (S169)
          From: collins2 on 4/17/00

 The 80's were a cooler time to grow up than the 90's:

 10) MTV actually played videos in the 80's.

  9) There were only one kind of Nike tennis shoes (White
     with a red swoosh), and they didn't cost $125.

  8) A comb in your back pocket is more practical and less
     painful than a ring through your nose.

  7) In the 80's playing video games actually meant going
     out to DO something.

  6) In the 80's, when you were out partying, you didn't
     have to worry about your Mom calling you on your cell
     phone.

  5) In the 80s we didn't have to worry about getting our
     heads blown off at school, unless you put a whole pack
     of Pop Rocks in your mouth and drank a coke.

  4) Debbie Gibson vs. Britney Spears. New Kids on the
     Block vs. N'Sync. New Edition vs. Hanson.

  3) In the early 80's there were kids in your high school
     who could BUY ALCOHOL LEGALLY.

  2) Feathered hair was easier to care for than dreadlocks.

  And the number one reason the 80's were a cooler time to
  grow up than the 90's:

  1) In the 80's you didn't have to worry about your pants
     falling down all the time.  They were so tight we
     couldn't get them off!

Top
Subj:     A Moral Question (S155)
          From: mbucher on 01/22/2000

 This is a moral question for you.

 The situation:

 You are in the Northeast South Dakota, and there is a huge
 flood in progress.  Many homes have been lost, water supplies
 compromised, and infrastructure destroyed.

 You are a photographer out getting still photos for a news
 service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant
 scenes.

 Suddenly, you stumble across Governor Bill Janklow struggling
 to keep from being swept away in a raging river and you have
 the choice of rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning
 photograph of the death of the Governor....

 ...

 ...
 

 OK, now the question:

 (scroll down)

 ...

 ...

 ...

 ...

 ...

 ...

 ...

 What shutter speed would you use?

Top
Subj:     Four Guys From States Riding In A Car (S122)
          From: thebartend on 6/1/99

 Four guys are driving cross-country together--  one from
 Idaho, one from Iowa, one from Florida, and the last one
 is from New York.

 A bit down the road the man from Idaho starts to pull
 potatoes from his bag and throws them out the window.  The
 man from Iowa turns to him and asks, "What the hell are
 you doing?"

 The man from Idaho says, "Man, we have so many of these
 damned things in Idaho they're laying around on the ground-
 I'm sick of looking at them!"

 A few miles down the road, the man from Iowa begins pulling
 husks of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window.
 The man from Florida asks "What are you doing that for?"

 The man from Iowa replies, "Man, we have so many of these
 damned things in Iowa I'm sick  of  looking at them!"

 Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car
 door and pushes the New Yorker out.

Top
Subj:     Rain In Portland (S114)
          From: RFSlick on 3/15/99

 ...NEWS FROM THE NORTHWEST (PORTLAND, OREGON)......
 Yesterday it was reported that we had 15" of rain for
 Jan/Feb compared to 9" last year.  It was also stated that
 we are in year 3 of a 15 year rain cycle.  The following
 jokes I received, pretty well sum it up.

 .. A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting
 in the long line .. of .. judgment.  As he stood there he
 noticed that some souls were allowed to .. march .. right
 through the gates of heaven.  Others, though, were led over
 to .. Satan .. who threw them into the burning pit.  But
 every so often, instead of .. hurling a .. poor soul into
 the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a ..
 small .. pile.

 After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's
 curiosity .. got .. the best of him.  So he strolled over
 and asked Satan.....

 "Excuse me, .. Prince .. of Darkness," he said.  "I'm
 waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't .. help ..
 wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead
 of flinging .. them .. into the fires of hell with the
 others?"

 .. "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan.  "They're all
 from Portland; .. They're too wet to burn."

Top
Subj:     Rejected State Mottos: (S178, S528c)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-03
      and From: jtgalvan on 3/7/2007

 Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
 Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
 Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
 Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
 California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
 Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
 Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys
    Don't Own It.....Yet
 Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
 Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
 Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
 Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
    (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your  Money)
 Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not,
    But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
 Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
 Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
 Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
    or  Land of James T. Kirk
 Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
 Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
 Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But
    That's Our Tourism Campaign
 Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
 Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
 Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
    (For Most Tax Brackets)
 Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
 Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
 Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
 Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
 Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomer,
    and Very Little Else
 Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
 Nevada: Whores and Poker!
 New Hampshire: Spend Your Money, Then Go Away and
    Leave Us Alone
 New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got
    Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
 New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
 New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent,
    You Have the Right to an Attorney
 North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
 North Dakota: Um... We've got... Um...
    Dinosaur Bones? Yeah, Dinosaur Bones!
 Ohio: Don't Judge Us by Cleveland
 Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing
 Oregon: Spotted Owl, It's What's For Dinner
 Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
 Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
 South Carolina: Remember the Civil War?
    We Didn't Actually Surrender
 South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
 Tennessee: The Educashun State
 Texas: Se Hablo Ingles
 Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
 Vermont: Ayuh
 Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and
    Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
 Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
 Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
 West Virginia: One Big Happy Family-Really!
 Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
 Wyoming: Where Men Are Men...And The Sheep Are Scared

Top
Subj:     Montana Jokes

Top
Subj:     Three Lies Of A Montana Man (S182, S622)
What are the three biggest lies a man from Montana tells?
     See this belt buckle? I won it in the rodeo.
     My truck is paid for.
     I was just trying to help that sheep over the fence.

From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
 Montana -- At least our cows are sane!


Subj:     Short States Jokes (S182)

Top
Subj:     California Recall By Doonesbury (S348b)
          From: The Comic Strip Doonesbury (in Gov Arnold in Drawings)
          by Garry Trudeau on 09/28/03
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/doonesbury/2003/09/28
 To see this very cute comic strip on my site click 'Here'.
 

Top
Subj:     Washington Earthquake (S214)
          From: KMACINTY on 3/8/2001
 To Washington State residents:

 The February 28th earthquake was just a warning.

 Now that we have your attention, sell us your power,
 give us back our sunshine and take back your rain
 and we'll take back our earthquakes.

 Sincerely,
 The People of California
 

Top
Subj:     On A Rock In Rural Iowa (S347)
          From: Imogenelumen
          on 9/23/2003 (in yyPhotographs)
 You can view these six amazing photos of a rock in rural
 Iowa on my site by clicking 'Here'.
 

Top
Subj:     State Riddle
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/15/2002

 I am round on the sides but high in the middle
 I am...

x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x

ANSWER

oHIo
 

Top
Subj:     Why I Love Iowa (S203)
          From: KMACINTY on 12/22/2000
From a friend who really does live in Iowa ...

 When it's Christmas time in Iowa,
 And the gentle breezes blow,
 About seventy miles an hour
 And it's fifty-two below.
 You can tell you're in Iowa
 'cause the snow's up to your butt,
 And you take a breath of Christmas air
 And your nose holes both freeze shut.
 The weather here is wonderful,
 So I guess I'll hang around,
 I could NEVER leave Iowa.
 My feet are frozen to the ground
 

 In 1900 drive-by shootings -- in which teenage boys
 galloped down the street on horses and started randomly
 shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that
 caught their fancy -- were an ongoing problem in Denver
 and other cities in the West.

 In 1900 the population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty.
 The remote desert community was inhabited by only a
 handful of ranchers and their families.

 The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue,
 Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world
 where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car
 driving under an airplane.

 The only state whose name is just one syllable is?
 Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

 In which state is 2/3rd's of the world's eggplant grown?
 Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

From: dogbyte on 9/17/2002 (S294b)
 Things were getting pretty hot in the back of my car
 when she screamed out.... "Kiss Me Where it Smells!!"
 So I drove her to New Jersey!

 State with the highest percentage of people who
    walk to work: Alaska.

 Montpelier, Vermont is the only U.S. state capital
 without a McDonalds.

 Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio.

 Texas is also the only state that is allowed to fly its
 state flag at the same height as the U.S. flag.

From: auntieg 98-05-09
 All 50 states are listed across the top of the
 Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

 The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower
 than the lowest point in Colorado.

 Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

 Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

 In Kansas City, KS, saying the name "George Washington"
 without adding the phrase "blessed be his name," can land
 you with a fine of up to fifty cents.

From: vcar.lew on 98-09-01
 "I think that's how Chicago got started.  A bunch of
 people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
 and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.  Let's
 go west.'"  --  Richard Jeni

From: auntieg on 98-11-14
 In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without
 a hunting license.

 A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 6/4/2001 (S229)
 "People from Minnesota make fun of people from Wisconsin-
 that's like warring trailer parks."-Jackie Kashian

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #297 - Quickies! on 4/18/99
 Q: Do you know how West Virginians practice safe sex?
 A: They spray paint X's on the back of
    the animals that kick.

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..........................From Smiley_Central
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