Subj: Clinton Jokes
(Includes 93 jokes and articles, 30720n,2,cf)
Also see BAR SUPP file- 'High-Tec
Bar With Robot'
BARBER file - 'Bush & Clinton At The Barbershop'
BASEBALL file- 'Bill And Hillary At A Baseball Game'
BUMPER-STICKR- 'Clinton Bumper Stickers'
CATHOLIC - 'Clinton And The Pope Die On The Same Day'
CHRISTMAS3 - 'Twas The Night Before Crisis'
CLINTON SCND1- 'Milk...'
CONDOM file - 'US Sends Russia Condoms'
DWARFS file - 'Seven Dwarfs Are In A Mining Accident'
ENGLISHMAN - 'Why British Are Superior To Americans'
FART file - 'Hillary And Janet Girl Talk'
GOD2 file - 'Yeltsin, Clinton And Gates Meet God'
HEAVEN1 file - 'Bill, Hillary, And Al Go To Heaven'
HEAVEN2 file - '11th Commandment'
......................- 'Clocks In Heaven'
HELL file - 'Saddam Goes To Hell'
HOSPITAl - 'Hillary Visits A Hospital'
LETTERS2 file- 'Chain Letter For Men'
MANNERS - 'Dear Abby - Unfaitful Husband'
......................- 'Dear Abby - Unfaitful Husband II'
MIDDLE EAST - 'Bush Visits Hussein'
......................- 'I Had A Dream'
NATIVEAMERIC - 'Senator Clinton Addresses New York State Indians'
NEW_YORKER - 'Traffic Jam In NYC'
NATIONAL-SUPP- 'History Lesson'
PLANE2 file - 'Flight Safety'
POETRY file - 'Starr I Are'
POLITICAL1 - 'Presidential Affairs'
......................- 'Salesman Changes Parties'
POLITICAL2 - 'Ghosts of Christmas Pres(id)ent'
......................- 'Six Presidents On A Sinking Ship'
POLITICAL-SUP- 'Terrorists Capture Four Politicians'
POLIT-BUSH - 'Three Politicians & The Firing Squad'
......................- 'Craig Kilborn Quote'
SCHOOL1 file - 'History Lesson'
......................- 'Teacher Motivates Class'
SIGNS_N_NAMES- 'Fun With Names'
SOLDIER2 file- 'Two Enemy Soldiers Meet'
STARTRK-SPAC2- 'Things Bill Clinton Would Say In "Star Wars"
TATTOOS file - 'Returning From Canada w/Tattoos'
TRAIN file - 'The Bushes & Clintons Ride A Train'
Subj: The Marine and the Old Man (S525b)
From: AFine963 on 2/7/2007
One sunny day in 2008, an elderly
man approached the
White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd
been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine
standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and
meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs.
Clinton is not President
and doesn't reside here."
The elderly man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man
approached the White
House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go
in and meet with President Hillary Clinton".
The Marine again told the man,
"Sir, as I said yesterday,
Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."
The man thanked him and again
walked away. The third
day, the same man approached the White House and spoke
to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in
and meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine, understandably agitated
at this point,
looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day
in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs.
Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs.
Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here.
Don't you understand?"
The elderly man answered, "Oh,
I understand you fine, I
just love hearing your answer!"
The Marine snapped to attention,
saluted, and said,
"See you tomorrow, sir!".
Subj: Quotations About Hillary Clinton (S481)
From: DoctorDebt on 4/11/2006
Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs
have come out. So much
of her personality shines through, that in the end, you,
too, will want to sleep with an intern." - Craig Kilborn
In Hillary Clinton's new book
'Living History,' Hillary
details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in
love with him, getting married, and living a passionate,
wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two,
the trouble starts." - Jay Leno
"In the book she says when Bill
told her he was having an
affair, she said 'I could hardly breathe, I was gulping
for air. '' No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said."
- David Letterman
"Hillary Clinton, our junior
senator from New York,
announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running
for office of the President of the United States. Her
husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is
crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment!
family." - David Letterman
"CNN found that Hillary Clinton
is the most admired woman
in America. Women admire her because she's strong and
successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband
to cheat and get away with It." - Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton is the junior
senator from the great state
of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton
family Bible.... the one with only seven Commandments."
- David Letterman
Subj: Clinton Issues Full Pardon (S207)
From: pns on 1/20/2001
The White House
January 1, 2001
Mr. John Hinkley
St. Elizabeth Hospital
Hillary and I wanted to drop
you a short note to tell you
how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in
In our country's new spirit of
understanding and forgiveness
we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compas-
sion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land. Hillary and
I want you to know that no grudge is born against you for
shooting President Reagan.
We, above all, are aware of how
the mental stress and pain
could have driven you to such an act of desperation.
As such, as one of my lasts acts
as President of the country,
I hereby issue you a full pardon and ordered your release
from the hospital as soon as possible.
Hillary and I are confident that
you will have made complete
recovery and that you should return to your family to join
the world again as a healthy and productive young man.
P.S. George Bush is banging Jodie Foster
Subj: Clinton's Driver Runs Over A Pig (S188, S481b)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 6/14/98
and From: DoctorDebt on 4/7/2006
Bill Clinton and his driver were
cruising along a country
road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing
it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farm
house and explain to the owners what had happened.
About 1 hour later Bill sees
his driver staggering back to
the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the
other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you", asked Bill.
Well, the Farmer gave me the
wine, his wife gave me the
Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love
"My God, what did you tell them", asks Clinton.
The driver replies, "I'm Bill
Clinton's driver, and I just
killed the pig".
Subj: Clinton And Falwell Travel On A Plane
From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-29
Jerry Falwell was seated next
to President Clinton on a
recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight
attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whisky
& soda, which was brought
and placed before him. The attendant then asked the
minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust,
"Ma'am, I'd rather be
savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch
The President quickly handed
his drink back to the
attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was
a choice... I'll have the same thing he's having."
Subj: State Of The Union Address..That President Clinton Wanted To Give.
From: BawdyNet Collage on 98-04-20 (S64)
"Members of Congress...people
of America....I banged her.
I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks,
because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin
flute player in my orchestra, you haven't been paying attention.
The only babes in D.C.
I haven't tried to do are the First Lady,
Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they're a little
older than I like and they have legs that former Houston Oiler
Earl Campbell would envy.
Which isn't to say I don't appreciate
Hillary...I do. If not
for the ice-water coursing through her veins, I'd be pumping
gas into farm equipment in Hope, Arkansas, and she'd be
married to the President.
So, let me set the record straight.
I dodged the draft, hid
FBI files, smoked dope, flipped Whitewater property, set up
a new Korean wing in the White House, fired the travel staff,
paid hush money to Hubbell, sold the Lincoln bedroom like an
upscale Motel 6, and grabbed every ass that entered the Oval
Office. Got it? Good.
Six years ago, there's not a
man, woman, or child who didn't
know I was as horny as Woody Allen. But, you elected me
anyway, which turned out to be a good move on your part. Your
other choice was Bush, an aging baseball player and part-time
resident of some place called "Kennebunkport" who thought he
could bomb his way into the White House.
Before him, it was Reagan, who
left the office with the same
Alzheimer's he came in with. There was Carter before him
who brought you a 17% prime interest rate, smiling the whole
time like his lithium drip had just kicked in. Nixon before
that coined, but never really understood, the concept of
'plausible deniability, and almost got a one-way ticket to
San Clemente for his crackerjack style of governing.
Johnson was an inbred, power-mad
war criminal whose major
contribution to American society was Agent Orange. And
John Kennedy, who was a little naughty himself, didn't
hang around long enough for America to spot that curious
atavistic tic for "beaver-wrestling" shared by at least a
dozen former residents of the White House. Which brings
me back to my point.
Since I have been strumming the
banjo here at the White
House, government is doing more for less. The budget is
balanced for the first time since JFK did a one gun salute
to Marilyn, a fact the press didn't seem to care about,
Unemployment is so low today
a blind felon can get a job
as a night watchman. The stock market is higher than a
D-student on a full gram of dumb-dust, and anyone with a
degree from a junior college who can spell "Internet" has
enough money to ponder the annual maintenance cost of his
boat, instead of where his or her next meal is coming from.
Bottom line: I'm running a country
here and I'm doing it
with my pecker showing. What I'm asking for is your support,
not a date with your daughter...unless, of course, she's a
hotty with thin ankles, and then I'd like to discuss it.
In the meantime, think about where you are today and what
kind of life you're living before you get too interested in
where I'm parking the Presidential limousine.
Subj: Dirty Notes To The President
Early Christmas morning, Billy
and Hillary(ous) get up and
look out their big picture window at the snow covered lawn
of the white house. But, much to the Prez's surprise,
somebody has written in the snow with urine. They rush
out to find that it says, in rather large letters, "BILL
Bill was really upset because
the security was suppose to
be air tight around the White House, so, he got his Security
Chief to come & see him. "I want you to find out who did
it within one week." A week went by and the White House
Security Chief came to see Bill. "Sir, I have good news and
bad news for you regarding the writings on the snow covered
lawn." Bill told him to give him the good news first.
"Well my President, the good
news is that we have found out
it was Al Gore out there on the lawn that night and it was
his piss that made the writing, sir!"
Clinton said, "But, he is my
vice-President! Why would he
do that? and what's the bad news??" The Security Chief said,
"Well Sir, Mr. Gore did not do it... it was only his piss.
The bad news is that it was Hillary Clinton, the First
Lady's hand writing, Sir!!"
Subj: President Jogs
President Clinton and his body
guards were in the cool down
phase after having jogged five miles. Clinton said, "Boy,
I can't wait to get back to the White House! I'm going right
upstairs to rip off Hillary's panties."
"Oh," leered one of the secret
service men, "jogging make
you horny, huh, Mr. President?"
"No, jogging makes them ride up my crack!"
Subj: Clinton Jogs By The Memorials (S52)
From: Anaise on 98-01-26
Bill Clinton went jogging one
evening and came upon the
Washington Monument. He said, "George, what should I do?"
After a few seconds, George replied,
"Abolish the IRS and
Bill thought about this for a
few seconds and continued
jogging. Shortly he came upon the Jefferson Memorial and
stopped. He said, "Tom, what should I do?"
After a few seconds, Tom replied,
"Abolish welfare and
Bill continued jogging after
thinking about this and came
upon the Lincoln Memorial. He said, "Abe, what should I do?"
After a few seconds, Abe replied,
"Why don't you take the
night off and go to the theater?"
Subj: Clinton Jogs Past Prostitute (S329, S522c)
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/16/2003
and From: jbcary1 on 1/15/2007
Bill Clinton started jogging
near his new home in Chappaqua.
But on each run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing
on the same street corner, day after day. With some appre-
hension he would brace himself as he approached her for what
was most certainly to follow. "Fifty dollars!" she would
shout from the curb. "No. Five dollars!" fired back Clinton.
This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued! for days.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!" And he'd yell
back, "Five dollars!"
One day however, Hillary decided
she wanted to accompany her
husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the proble-
matic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her
$50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been
doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have a
darn good explanation for the junior Senator. As they jogged
into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill
became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there
was the hooker. Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes
as she watched the pair jog past. Then, from the sidewalk,
the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five bucks?"
Subj: The President And The Puppies
(Also see 'Minister's Puppies' in PREACHER file)
President Clinton was out jogging
with his usual group of
Secret Service Agents when he came upon a small boy with a
box full of puppies with a sign that read "Free Puppies".
The President stopped in front of the boy and asked him if
he knew who he was. "Yes sir, you'n the President" said the
boy. The boy went on talking "these puppies are all
Democrats, sir. The President smiled and went on jogging.
The next day the President and
the Vice-president were out
jogging together when Clinton spotted the young boy, he
told the Vice-president to watch. The President stopped in
front of the boy as he did the day before and asked the boy
if he knew who he was. "Yes sir, you're the President",
said the boy. "And what kind of puppies are these?" asked
the President knowing the boy's answer would please the
"Why they're Republicans" answered
the boy. The President
"Yesterday you told me that these
were Democrats and today,
you tell me they are Republicans, what's going on?"
The boy answered, "Yesterday, their eyes were closed".
Subj: Clinton Asks For Example Of 'Tragedy' (S16, S369)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-22
and From: Grampsboyd on 2/15/2004
Bill Clinton is visiting a school.
In one class, he asks
the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stands up and
offers "If my best friend who
lives next door was playing in the street when a car came
along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand.
"If a school bus carrying fifty
children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved...
that would be a tragedy."
I'm afraid not," explains Clinton.
"That is what we would
call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't
there any one here who can
give me an example of a tragedy"?
Finally a boy in the back raises
his hand. In a timid
voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary
Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams.
"And can you tell me WHY
that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because
it wouldn't be an ACCIDENT
and it certainly would be no GREAT LOSS!"
Subj: Clinton Meets A Genie
From: ipkis on 97-07-01
Bill Clinton was walking along
the beach when he stumbled
upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-
and-behold a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked
if he got three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope... due
to inflation, constant down-
sizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce
global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...
what'll it be?"
Bill didn't hesitate. He
said, "I want peace in the Middle
East. See this map? I want these countries to stop
fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and
exclaimed, "Gadzooks, man!
These countries have been at war for thousands of years.
I'm good but not THAT good. I don't think it can be done.
Make another wish."
Bill thought for a minute and
said, "You know, people really
don't like my wife. They think she's mean, ugly, and pushes
me around. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in
the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I
The Genie let out a long sigh
and said, "Lemme see that map
Subj: Renaming Your Dick
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #173
For every Dick Johnson and Harry
Johnson and Magic Johnson
and Dick Hare and Dick Long and Dick Strong out there who's
tired of all the cheap jokes about his name, I recommend a
new slang term for the male organ and his buddies...
A name inspired by a great American president.
A guy who clearly gets around.
He loves da nightlife. He gotsta boogie.
So, forget dick.
From now on, it's a "Clinton." That's right, a "Clinton."
For short, you can call him "Clint."
And instead of "Jim and the Twins,"
it's "Clinton and the
Subj: Clinton's Parrot Dies (S46)
From: The Bartenders Joke of the day on 97-12-16
(See 'Parrot From A Whore House' in BIRDS)
While Bill, Hillary and Chelsea
were vacationing at Camp
David the housekeeper was tasked with looking after their
pet parrot. They hadn't been gone for more than a couple
of days when the parrot was found dead in the bottom of
The housekeeper knew the first
family would be devastated
at the loss of one of their family pets, so she set out to
find a replacement bird and visited nearly every pet store
After nearly two days of looking
non-stop, she came across
an almost exact duplicate of the bird. As she purchased
the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird had
previously been owned by a Madam and had lived for several
years in a house of ill-repute.
The housekeeper replied that
no one would ever know and
she took the bird back to the White House.
The morning after the Clinton's
return to the White House,
Chelsea walked through the room and the bird said, "Too
A little later Hillary came into
the room and the bird
responded with, "Too old."
Late that afternoon the President
entered the room and
the bird said, "HI, BILL!"
Subj: Top 16 Changes At The White House
Now That The Clintons Have A Puppy
From: ipkis on 97-12-19
16. To avoid confusion, staff
reverts back to referring
to Madelaine Albright by name.
15. New "doggy door" makes it that much easier to sneak
out for a midnight run to McDonald's.
14. At long last, Bill won't have to flinch *every* time
he hears "Bad boy."
13. President is no longer the only one accused of burying
his bone in someone else's yard.
12. "Bitch" label now somewhat ambiguous.
11. Accusations of crotch-sniffing at the White House no
longer automatically implicates the President.
10. New, unwelcome presents under the Christmas tree.
9. Obviously miffed, Socks slips Kenneth Starr a note
reading "Bil kilt Vyns Fosdr!"
8. Shouts of "Come!" from Lincoln bedroom no longer
make Hillary suspicious.
7. Chelsea drops to #2 on the White House Pug-Ugly List.
6. Pipe and slipper retrieval removed from Al Gore's daily
5. Roger Clinton no longer the only one to piddle in the
4. Cries of "What a dog!" no longer make Janet Reno
burst into tears at State dinners.
3. To the embarrassment of the trainers, the dog is still
unable to tell Al Gore from a tree.
2. "Get that horny furball off my leg!" no longer refers
exclusively to the President.
and the Number
1 Change at the White House,
now that the Clintons have a Puppy...
1. Campaign donors staying overnight
in the Lincoln Bedroom
now find complimentary Tootsie Rolls on their pillows.
Subj: Short Clinton Jokes
Hillary Clinton Unhurt In Air Crash (S550b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/30/2007
Picture from Cox & Forkum
Subj: Chelsea Returns From College (S302b, S97)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #289 on98-12-09
and From: pns on 11/11/2002
Chelsea Clinton went off to college and came back home for
the holidays. Hillary was quite happy to see her daughter
and pressed her for information about college. "So, are
you enjoying college, dear?" she asked. Chelsea nodded
"And are there boys in college?"
Hillary questioned. Once
again, Chelsea nodded with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.
Hillary, unable to resist and curious about her daughter's
activities, went on to ask, "And are you having sex with
Chelsea burst out laughing.
After a moment, she straightened,
stared into her mother's eyes, and said, "Not according to Dad."
Hillary Special (S155, S456b)
From: icohen on 01/21/2000
and From: DoctorDebt on 10/14/2005
Subj: Bill Brings Back Two Pigs
Air Force One comes in for a landing at the airport. A ramp
is wheeled up and President Clinton appears carrying a pig
under each arm. As he comes down the ramp, the Marine at the
bottom snaps to a salute. Clinton says, "You'll have to excuse
me. I can't return your salute. My hands are full."
"Yes Sir. I see the pigs Sir!"
responds the Marine. "Now hold
on," says Clinton. "These aren't just pigs. These are genuine
"Yes Sir! Razorbacks Sir!" says
the Marine. "I got this one
for Chelsea and this one for Hillary," Clinton explains. The
Marine answers, "Yes Sir! An excellent trade if I may say so
Subj: Bill Gets A Dog (2ed vers.)
Clinton is returning to Washington after a trip, and as he
walks down the steps of Air Force One, he is leading a small
dog on a leash. The Marine at the bottom of the steps snaps
a smart salute.
Marine: "Welcome back home, Mr. President."
Clinton: "Thank you. It's good to be back."
Marine: "Nice dog, sir."
Clinton: "Thanks. I got it for Hillary."
Marine: "Good trade, sir."
From: The Bartender Joke Of The Day
Bill & HIllary are at the first baseball game of the season...
opening day!!! Suddenly and very unexpectedly, (and before
the game had gotten started) Clinton grabs Hillary by the
collar and throws her over the side and onto the field.
The audience at the game as well as on the television
stations, was shocked. Equally stunned was the home plate
umpire, leaning over to help Hillary get on her feet, and he
shouted, "No, Mr. President!" I said, Throw the first "pitch" !"
From: dscott on 97-06-04 (S19)
Same as ENGLISHMEN file - 'Short English Jokes'
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them
tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Hillary says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, HE'll have the fish," Hillary replies.
From: humorlist-digest V1 #202 on 97-09-18
One day the Clintons and the Gores are out at dinner and having
a really great time, lots of drinks and friendly flirting.
Bill Clinton looks out over the table and says, "You know,
we're such good friends, why don't we swap for one night and
make the sex more exciting ?"
They all think it's a great idea,
and they head off to their
bedrooms. Suddenly Bill Clinton hears Hillary from the next
room screaming uncontrollably with pleasure. He starts to get
a little jealous, so he asks, "I wonder what Hillary could be
getting that makes her that happy ?"
Then Al Gore, lying next to him
says, "I don't know, but Tipper
must be really hot tonight!"
From: humorlist-digest V2 #4 on 98-01-04
Paul McCartney says it's wrong to make criminals out of people
who smoke pot. The problem is, pot is a gateway drug. One
day you're not inhaling, the next day you're not violating
campaign finance laws.
From: Anaise on 98-01-26
Name that Scandal: Winner: Zippergate. First runner up: Tailgate.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #226 on 98-01-28
Clinton's new nickname? The Unabanger.
What's the new name for the latest
What's the new game they're playing
in the White House?
Swallow the Leader.
From: cohen on 98-01-28
Did you hear Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?
He just bends over the pages!
From: humorlist-digest V2 #27 on 98-01-28
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office
to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is
it?" yells the President. "It's this abortion bill, Mr.
President. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks.
"Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President.
From: The Bartenders Joke of the day
for 29 Jan 98
Should we rename it THE ORAL OFFICE?
From: humorlist-digest V2 #28 on 98-01-29
President French-Fry was out jogging when a Hooker standing
on the corner hailed him. "Hey Mr. President! Fifty bucks!"
"No, no." Bill replied with a grin, "Five bucks!" and kept
on jogging. This exchange soon became a part of the President's
normal routine. Each day as he'd approach the corner, the
hooker would yell out, "Hey Mr. President... Fifty Bucks!"
and Bill would holler back, "No, Five Bucks!" Well, one day,
Hillary decided she wanted to go jogging with Bill. As they
neared the corner, Bill suddenly realized what a terrible
scene was about to happen. Sure enough, there was the hooker,
and just like all the other times she smiled and waved and
yelled out, "Hey Mr. President......See what you get for Five
From: TNKRTEACH on 98-02-02
"One thing's for sure about Clinton...
He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"
From: TwistBlts (S55)
I told you to lick my erection,
Not wreck my election.
I told you to lie in a different position,
Not lie in a deposition.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #80 on 98-03-30
Did you hear Yasir Arafat's advice to Bill Clinton?
Sheep don't talk.
Know what the latest game-craze
in Washington is?
Swallow the leader
Irrelvant fact #1: Monica Lewinski
was in the same
2nd grade class as Tori Spelling of 90210 fame.
From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
If Clinton is the answer, it was a stupid question.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #93 on 98-04-15
Clinton was walking around the White House with a pair of
ladies panties on his arm. Everyone was looking at him
and wondering what he was doing now. After about an hour
one guy got brave enough to ask him what he was doing with
the pair of ladies panties on his arm and Clinton replied,
"It's the patch, I'm trying to quit."
From: humorlist-digest V2 #93 on 98-04-15
A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and
scarf and says,
"I received your emergency phone
call, Mrs. Clinton, and
came right away, but what could I possibly do to save the
Mrs. Clinton: "Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit."
From: ossama on 98-04-18 (S64)
According to Men's Health magazine, the male lion can have
sex as often as 100 times a day. In fact, at 103 times a
day, the other animals stop calling him "King of the Jungle"
and start calling him "President of the United States."
From: humorlist-digest V2 #112 on 98-05-07
To ensure economic prosperity, ancient civilization would
sacrifice a virgin by throwing her in a volcano. Nowadays,
the job qualifications are less stringent, and she merely
has to work as a White House intern.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #245 on 98-05-08
I was thinking what a wonderful country America is! Only in
America can a foreign diplomat claim diplomatic immunity
for charges of vehicular manslaughter, but our own President
cannot claim executive privilege for a blow job!
From: RFSlick on 98-05-13
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-30
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #265
in 98-08-10 (S80)
In the year 2000 we will all remember Mr. Clinton
as "The President who followed Bush"
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #267 on 98-08-21
Did you hear that the FBI is having problems with the stains
on Monica's dress? It seems that everybody in Arkansas has
the same DNA.
Subj: Clinton Zingers (S83)
From: ossama on 98-09-03
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to
honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production
in Canada this year.
When Clinton was asked what he
thought about foreign affairs,
he replied, "I don't know. I never had one."
If you came across Bill Clinton
struggling in a raging river
and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer
prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use?
Chelsea asked her dad, "Do all
fairy tales begin with once upon
a time...?" Bill Clinton replied, "No. Some begin with 'After
Clinton's mother prayed fervently
that Bill would grow up and
be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.
The American Indians have nicknamed
Bill Clinton as "Walking
Eagle" because he is so full of sh.. that he can't fly.
Isn't putting Bill Clinton in
charge of a trust fund as insane
as putting in a draft-dodger as Commander in Chief?
Clinton only lacks three things
to become one of America's
finest leaders: Integrity, vision, and wisdom.
Asked about his views on euthanasia,
Clinton replied, "Youth in
Asia are just like kids everywhere else."
Clinton is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe
From: ossama on 98-10-13
Siskel and Ebert gave Clinton's video taped testimony two cigars up!
Subj: Clinton Stew (S91)
From: RFSlick on 98-09-22
What's the recipe for Clinton stew?
Put a tiny weenie into real hot water.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #219 98-09-16
I'm glad I'm not President of the United States, because then
I would be limited to having sex with pretty much whoever shows
up in my office.
From: RFSlick on 98-12-09 (S99)
Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy,
"I've got another dress for you to clean."
Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"
"No," says Monica. "Mustard."
From: humorlist-digest V3 #7 on 99-01-09
In Kennedy's time we had Camelot. In Clinton's we have CAME-A-LOT.
Subj: Anagram (S107)
From: Tom_Adams on 99-02-11
President Clinton Of The USA - To Copulate He Finds Interns
From: ossama on 4/25/99 (S117)
In New York, a Democratic bumper sticker saying, "Run Hillary,
Run" has appeared. Republicans are putting it on their FRONT
From: tadams96 on 6/6/2003 (S332b)
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president." -- Hillary Clinton
commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
"If we don't succeed, we run
the risk of failure."
-- Bill Clinton, President
Subj: Clinton Question and Answers
Q: Bill and Hillary are on a
sinking boat. Who gets saved?
A: The nation.
Q: What do you get when you cross
a crooked politician with a
Q. What does Bill say to Hillary
after a romantic interlude?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Q: Why did all the homosexuals
vote for Bill Clinton in the
A: Because they like assholes better than Bush.
Q: How come Clinton doesn't catch
A: He knows how to avoid the draft.
Q: What's the difference between
Bob Dole and Hillary Clinton?
A: Dole always wants to screw the president.
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton
apart from a cow?
A: By the wise look in the cow's eyes.
From: Anaise on 98-01-26
Q: Why does Bill Clinton wears underwear?
A: To keep his ankles warm.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #27 on 98-01-28
Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after having sex?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
From: humorlist-digest V2 #28 on 98-01-29
Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze
Hillary from the waist down?
A: He married her.
Q: How many women does it take
to satisfy Bill Clinton's
A: It Takes A Village!
Q: What game did Bill Clinton
want Paula Jones to play?
A: Swallow the leader
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #226 on 98-01-28
Q: What's the difference between Watergate and Zippergate?
A: At least this time, there's no doubt about the identity
of "Deep Throat."
Q: What is the name of Hillary's
A: 'It Takes a Village to Keep an Eye on My Husband.'
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #235 on 98-03-09
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and
A: A screwdriver turns in screws....
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #243 0n 98-05-01
Q: What's furry, green, and smells like pussy?
A: The pool table in the Oval Office.
From: FrankRoesc on 98-09-25 (S86)
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Soda Pop machines
have in common?
A: They both have slots which say "Insert 'Bill" here."
|Crazy Smiley from