Subj: Clinton Jokes
(Includes 93 jokes and articles, 30720n,2,cf)
Democratic Jackass
from
PageWorks
| >>>
Subj: Clinton Jokes (Includes 93 jokes and articles, 30720n,2,cf) |
|
Democratic Jackass from PageWorks |
Also see BAR SUPP file- 'High-Tec
Bar With Robot'
BARBER file - 'Bush
& Clinton At The Barbershop'
BASEBALL file- 'Bill
And Hillary At A Baseball Game'
BUMPER-STICKR- 'Clinton
Bumper Stickers'
CATHOLIC - 'Clinton
And The Pope Die On The Same Day'
CHRISTMAS3 - 'Twas
The Night Before Crisis'
CLINTON SCND1- 'Milk...'
CONDOM file - 'US
Sends Russia Condoms'
DWARFS file - 'Seven
Dwarfs Are In A Mining Accident'
ENGLISHMAN - 'Why
British Are Superior To Americans'
FART file - 'Hillary
And Janet Girl Talk'
GOD2 file - 'Yeltsin,
Clinton And Gates Meet God'
HEAVEN1 file - 'Bill,
Hillary, And Al Go To Heaven'
HEAVEN2 file - '11th
Commandment'
......................-
'Clocks
In Heaven'
HELL file - 'Saddam
Goes To Hell'
HOSPITAl - 'Hillary
Visits A Hospital'
LETTERS2 file- 'Chain
Letter For Men'
MANNERS - 'Dear
Abby - Unfaitful Husband'
......................-
'Dear
Abby - Unfaitful Husband II'
MIDDLE EAST - 'Bush
Visits Hussein'
......................-
'I
Had A Dream'
NATIVEAMERIC - 'Senator
Clinton Addresses New York State Indians'
NEW_YORKER - 'Traffic
Jam In NYC'
NATIONAL-SUPP- 'History Lesson'
PLANE2 file - 'Flight Safety'
POETRY file - 'Starr I
Are'
POLITICAL1 - 'Presidential
Affairs'
......................-
'Salesman
Changes Parties'
POLITICAL2 - 'Ghosts
of Christmas Pres(id)ent'
......................-
'Six
Presidents On A Sinking Ship'
POLITICAL-SUP- 'Terrorists
Capture Four Politicians'
POLIT-BUSH - 'Three
Politicians & The Firing Squad'
......................-
'Craig
Kilborn Quote'
SCHOOL1 file - 'History
Lesson'
......................-
'Teacher
Motivates Class'
SIGNS_N_NAMES- 'Fun
With Names'
SOLDIER2 file- 'Two
Enemy Soldiers Meet'
STARTRK-SPAC2- 'Things
Bill Clinton Would Say In "Star Wars"
TATTOOS file - 'Returning
From Canada w/Tattoos'
TRAIN file - 'The
Bushes & Clintons Ride A Train'
=========================================================Top
Subj: The
Marine and the Old Man (S525b)
From: AFine963 on 2/7/2007
One sunny day in 2008, an elderly
man approached the
White House from across Pennsylvania
Avenue, where he'd
been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the Marine
standing guard and said, "I
would like to go in and
meet with President Hillary
Clinton."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs.
Clinton is not President
and doesn't reside here."
The elderly man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man
approached the White
House and said to the same Marine,
"I would like to go
in and meet with President Hillary
Clinton".
The Marine again told the man,
"Sir, as I said yesterday,
Mrs. Clinton is not President
and doesn't reside here."
The man thanked him and again
walked away. The third
day, the same man approached
the White House and spoke
to the very same Marine, saying
"I would like to go in
and meet with President Hillary
Clinton."
The Marine, understandably agitated
at this point,
looked at the man and said,
"Sir, this is the third day
in a row you have been here
asking to speak to Mrs.
Clinton. I've told you
already several times that Mrs.
Clinton is not the President
and doesn't reside here.
Don't you understand?"
The elderly man answered, "Oh,
I understand you fine, I
just love hearing your answer!"
The Marine snapped to attention,
saluted, and said,
"See you tomorrow, sir!".
\\\//
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Subj: Quotations
About Hillary Clinton (S481)
From: DoctorDebt on 4/11/2006
Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs
have come out. So much
of her personality shines through,
that in the end, you,
too, will want to sleep with
an intern." - Craig Kilborn
In Hillary Clinton's new book
'Living History,' Hillary
details what it was like meeting
Bill Clinton, falling in
love with him, getting married,
and living a passionate,
wonderful life as husband and
wife. Then on page two,
the trouble starts." - Jay Leno
"In the book she says when Bill
told her he was having an
affair, she said 'I could hardly
breathe, I was gulping
for air. '' No, I'm sorry, that's
what Monica said."
- David Letterman
"Hillary Clinton, our junior
senator from New York,
announced that she has no intentions
of ever, ever running
for office of the President
of the United States. Her
husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly
disappointed. He is
crushed. There go his dreams
of becoming a two-impeachment!
family." - David Letterman
"CNN found that Hillary Clinton
is the most admired woman
in America. Women admire
her because she's strong and
successful. Men admire
her because she allows her husband
to cheat and get away with It."
- Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton is the junior
senator from the great state
of New York. When they
swore her in, she used the Clinton
family Bible.... the one with
only seven Commandments."
- David Letterman
\\\//
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Subj: Clinton
Issues Full Pardon (S207)
From: pns on 1/20/2001
The White House
January 1, 2001
Mr. John Hinkley
St. Elizabeth Hospital
Washington D.C.
Dear John,
Hillary and I wanted to drop
you a short note to tell you
how pleased we are with the
great strides you are making in
your recovery.
In our country's new spirit of
understanding and forgiveness
we want you to know there is
a bilateral consensus of compas-
sion and forgiveness abroad
throughout the land. Hillary and
I want you to know that no grudge
is born against you for
shooting President Reagan.
We, above all, are aware of how
the mental stress and pain
could have driven you to such
an act of desperation.
As such, as one of my lasts acts
as President of the country,
I hereby issue you a full pardon
and ordered your release
from the hospital as soon as
possible.
Hillary and I are confident that
you will have made complete
recovery and that you should
return to your family to join
the world again as a healthy
and productive young man.
Best wishes,
Bill Clinton
P.S. George Bush is banging Jodie Foster
\\\//
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Subj: Clinton's
Driver Runs Over A Pig (S188, S481b)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 6/14/98
and
From: DoctorDebt on 4/7/2006
Bill Clinton and his driver were
cruising along a country
road one night when all of a
sudden they hit a pig, killing
it instantly. Bill told
his driver to go up to the farm
house and explain to the owners
what had happened.
About 1 hour later Bill sees
his driver staggering back to
the car with a bottle of wine
in one hand, a cigar in the
other and his clothes all ripped
and torn.
"What happened to you", asked Bill.
Well, the Farmer gave me the
wine, his wife gave me the
Cigar and his 19 year old daughter
made mad passionate love
to me.
"My God, what did you tell them", asks Clinton.
The driver replies, "I'm Bill
Clinton's driver, and I just
killed the pig".
\\\//
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Subj: Clinton
And Falwell Travel On A Plane
From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-29
Jerry Falwell was seated next
to President Clinton on a
recent flight. After the
plane was airborne, the flight
attendant came around for drink
orders.
The President asked for a whisky
& soda, which was brought
and placed before him.
The attendant then asked the
minister if he would also like
a drink.
The minister replied in disgust,
"Ma'am, I'd rather be
savagely raped by a brazen whore
than let liquor touch
these lips!"
The President quickly handed
his drink back to the
attendant and said, "I'm sorry,
I didn't know there was
a choice... I'll have the same
thing he's having."
\\\//
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Subj: State
Of The Union Address..That President Clinton Wanted To Give.
From: BawdyNet Collage on 98-04-20 (S64)
"Members of Congress...people
of America....I banged her.
I banged her like a cheap gong.
Which is not news, folks,
because if you think Monica
Lewinsky was the only skin
flute player in my orchestra,
you haven't been paying attention.
The only babes in D.C.
I haven't tried to do are the First Lady,
Reno, Albright, and Shalala,
mostly because they're a little
older than I like and they have
legs that former Houston Oiler
Earl Campbell would envy.
Which isn't to say I don't appreciate
Hillary...I do. If not
for the ice-water coursing through
her veins, I'd be pumping
gas into farm equipment in Hope,
Arkansas, and she'd be
married to the President.
So, let me set the record straight.
I dodged the draft, hid
FBI files, smoked dope, flipped
Whitewater property, set up
a new Korean wing in the White
House, fired the travel staff,
paid hush money to Hubbell,
sold the Lincoln bedroom like an
upscale Motel 6, and grabbed
every ass that entered the Oval
Office. Got it? Good.
Six years ago, there's not a
man, woman, or child who didn't
know I was as horny as Woody
Allen. But, you elected me
anyway, which turned out to
be a good move on your part. Your
other choice was Bush, an aging
baseball player and part-time
resident of some place called
"Kennebunkport" who thought he
could bomb his way into the
White House.
Before him, it was Reagan, who
left the office with the same
Alzheimer's he came in with.
There was Carter before him
who brought you a 17% prime
interest rate, smiling the whole
time like his lithium drip had
just kicked in. Nixon before
that coined, but never really
understood, the concept of
'plausible deniability, and
almost got a one-way ticket to
San Clemente for his crackerjack
style of governing.
Johnson was an inbred, power-mad
war criminal whose major
contribution to American society
was Agent Orange. And
John Kennedy, who was a little
naughty himself, didn't
hang around long enough for
America to spot that curious
atavistic tic for "beaver-wrestling"
shared by at least a
dozen former residents of the
White House. Which brings
me back to my point.
Since I have been strumming the
banjo here at the White
House, government is doing more
for less. The budget is
balanced for the first time
since JFK did a one gun salute
to Marilyn, a fact the press
didn't seem to care about,
evidently.
Unemployment is so low today
a blind felon can get a job
as a night watchman. The
stock market is higher than a
D-student on a full gram of
dumb-dust, and anyone with a
degree from a junior college
who can spell "Internet" has
enough money to ponder the annual
maintenance cost of his
boat, instead of where his or
her next meal is coming from.
Bottom line: I'm running a country
here and I'm doing it
with my pecker showing.
What I'm asking for is your support,
not a date with your daughter...unless,
of course, she's a
hotty with thin ankles, and
then I'd like to discuss it.
In the meantime, think about
where you are today and what
kind of life you're living before
you get too interested in
where I'm parking the Presidential
limousine.
\\\//
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Subj: Dirty
Notes To The President
Early Christmas morning, Billy
and Hillary(ous) get up and
look out their big picture window
at the snow covered lawn
of the white house. But,
much to the Prez's surprise,
somebody has written in the
snow with urine. They rush
out to find that it says, in
rather large letters, "BILL
SUCKS!".
Bill was really upset because
the security was suppose to
be air tight around the White
House, so, he got his Security
Chief to come & see him.
"I want you to find out who did
it within one week." A
week went by and the White House
Security Chief came to see Bill.
"Sir, I have good news and
bad news for you regarding the
writings on the snow covered
lawn." Bill told him to give
him the good news first.
"Well my President, the good
news is that we have found out
it was Al Gore out there on
the lawn that night and it was
his piss that made the writing,
sir!"
Clinton said, "But, he is my
vice-President! Why would he
do that? and what's the bad
news??" The Security Chief said,
"Well Sir, Mr. Gore did not
do it... it was only his piss.
The bad news is that it was
Hillary Clinton, the First
Lady's hand writing, Sir!!"
\\\//
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Subj: President
Jogs
President Clinton and his body
guards were in the cool down
phase after having jogged five
miles. Clinton said, "Boy,
I can't wait to get back to
the White House! I'm going right
upstairs to rip off Hillary's
panties."
"Oh," leered one of the secret
service men, "jogging make
you horny, huh, Mr. President?"
"No, jogging makes them ride up my crack!"
\\\//
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Subj: Clinton
Jogs By The Memorials (S52)
From: Anaise on 98-01-26
Bill Clinton went jogging one
evening and came upon the
Washington Monument. He said,
"George, what should I do?"
After a few seconds, George replied,
"Abolish the IRS and
start over."
Bill thought about this for a
few seconds and continued
jogging. Shortly he came
upon the Jefferson Memorial and
stopped. He said, "Tom, what
should I do?"
After a few seconds, Tom replied,
"Abolish welfare and
start over."
Bill continued jogging after
thinking about this and came
upon the Lincoln Memorial. He
said, "Abe, what should I do?"
After a few seconds, Abe replied,
"Why don't you take the
night off and go to the theater?"
\\\//
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Subj: Clinton
Jogs Past Prostitute (S329, S522c)
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/16/2003
and
From: jbcary1 on 1/15/2007
Bill Clinton started jogging
near his new home in Chappaqua.
But on each run, he happened
to jog past a hooker standing
on the same street corner, day
after day. With some appre-
hension he would brace himself
as he approached her for what
was most certainly to follow.
"Fifty dollars!" she would
shout from the curb. "No. Five
dollars!" fired back Clinton.
This ritual between Bill and
the hooker continued! for days.
He'd run by and she'd yell,
"Fifty dollars!" And he'd yell
back, "Five dollars!"
One day however, Hillary decided
she wanted to accompany her
husband on his jog. As the jogging
couple neared the proble-
matic street corner, Bill realized
the "pro" would bark her
$50 offer and Hillary would
wonder what he'd really been
doing on all his past outings.
He realized he should have a
darn good explanation for the
junior Senator. As they jogged
into the turn that would take
them past the corner, Bill
became even more apprehensive
than usual. Sure enough, there
was the hooker. Bill tried
to avoid the prostitute's eyes
as she watched the pair jog
past. Then, from the sidewalk,
the hooker yelled, "See what
you get for five bucks?"
\\\//
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Subj: The
President And The Puppies
(Also see 'Minister's
Puppies' in PREACHER file)
President Clinton was out jogging
with his usual group of
Secret Service Agents when he
came upon a small boy with a
box full of puppies with a sign
that read "Free Puppies".
The President stopped in front
of the boy and asked him if
he knew who he was. "Yes
sir, you'n the President" said the
boy. The boy went on talking
"these puppies are all
Democrats, sir. The President
smiled and went on jogging.
The next day the President and
the Vice-president were out
jogging together when Clinton
spotted the young boy, he
told the Vice-president to watch.
The President stopped in
front of the boy as he did the
day before and asked the boy
if he knew who he was.
"Yes sir, you're the President",
said the boy. "And what
kind of puppies are these?" asked
the President knowing the boy's
answer would please the
Vice-president.
"Why they're Republicans" answered
the boy. The President
was perplexed.
"Yesterday you told me that these
were Democrats and today,
you tell me they are Republicans,
what's going on?"
The boy answered, "Yesterday, their eyes were closed".
\\\//
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Subj: Clinton
Asks For Example Of 'Tragedy' (S16, S369)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-22
and
From: Grampsboyd on 2/15/2004
Bill Clinton is visiting a school.
In one class, he asks
the students if anyone can give
him an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stands up and
offers "If my best friend who
lives next door was playing
in the street when a car came
along and killed him, that would
be a tragedy."
"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand.
"If a school bus carrying fifty
children drove off a cliff,
killing everyone involved...
that would be a tragedy."
I'm afraid not," explains Clinton.
"That is what we would
call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't
there any one here who can
give me an example of a tragedy"?
Finally a boy in the back raises
his hand. In a timid
voice, he says: "If an airplane
carrying Bill and Hillary
Clinton were blown up by a bomb,
THAT would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams.
"And can you tell me WHY
that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because
it wouldn't be an ACCIDENT
and it certainly would be no
GREAT LOSS!"
\\\//
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Subj: Clinton
Meets A Genie
From: ipkis on 97-07-01
Bill Clinton was walking along
the beach when he stumbled
upon an old lamp. He picked
it up and rubbed it and lo-
and-behold a Genie appeared.
Bill was amazed and asked
if he got three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope... due
to inflation, constant down-
sizing, low wages in third-world
countries, and fierce
global competition, I can only
grant you one wish. So...
what'll it be?"
Bill didn't hesitate. He
said, "I want peace in the Middle
East. See this map?
I want these countries to stop
fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and
exclaimed, "Gadzooks, man!
These countries have been
at war for thousands of years.
I'm good but not THAT
good. I don't think it can be done.
Make another wish."
Bill thought for a minute and
said, "You know, people really
don't like my wife. They
think she's mean, ugly, and pushes
me around. I wish for
her to be the most beautiful woman in
the world and I want everybody
to like her. That's what I
want."
The Genie let out a long sigh
and said, "Lemme see that map
again."
\\\//
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Subj: Renaming
Your Dick
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #173
For every Dick Johnson and Harry
Johnson and Magic Johnson
and Dick Hare and Dick Long
and Dick Strong out there who's
tired of all the cheap jokes
about his name, I recommend a
new slang term for the male
organ and his buddies...
A name inspired by a great American president.
A guy who clearly gets around.
He loves da nightlife. He gotsta boogie.
So, forget dick.
Forget willy.
Forget johnson.
From now on, it's a "Clinton." That's right, a "Clinton."
For short, you can call him "Clint."
And instead of "Jim and the Twins,"
it's "Clinton and the
Little Rocks."
\\\//
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Subj: Clinton's
Parrot Dies (S46)
From: The Bartenders Joke of the day on 97-12-16
(See 'Parrot From A
Whore House' in BIRDS)
While Bill, Hillary and Chelsea
were vacationing at Camp
David the housekeeper was tasked
with looking after their
pet parrot. They hadn't
been gone for more than a couple
of days when the parrot was
found dead in the bottom of
it's cage.
The housekeeper knew the first
family would be devastated
at the loss of one of their
family pets, so she set out to
find a replacement bird and
visited nearly every pet store
in Washington.
After nearly two days of looking
non-stop, she came across
an almost exact duplicate of
the bird. As she purchased
the parrot, the shop owner cautioned
her that the bird had
previously been owned by a Madam
and had lived for several
years in a house of ill-repute.
The housekeeper replied that
no one would ever know and
she took the bird back to the
White House.
The morning after the Clinton's
return to the White House,
Chelsea walked through the room
and the bird said, "Too
young."
A little later Hillary came into
the room and the bird
responded with, "Too old."
Late that afternoon the President
entered the room and
the bird said, "HI, BILL!"
\\\//
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Subj: Top
16 Changes At The White House
Now That The Clintons Have A Puppy
From: ipkis on 97-12-19
16. To avoid confusion, staff
reverts back to referring
to Madelaine
Albright by name.
15. New "doggy door" makes it
that much easier to sneak
out for a
midnight run to McDonald's.
14. At long last, Bill won't
have to flinch *every* time
he hears
"Bad boy."
13. President is no longer the
only one accused of burying
his bone
in someone else's yard.
12. "Bitch" label now somewhat
ambiguous.
11. Accusations of crotch-sniffing
at the White House no
longer automatically
implicates the President.
10. New, unwelcome presents
under the Christmas tree.
9. Obviously miffed, Socks
slips Kenneth Starr a note
reading "Bil
kilt Vyns Fosdr!"
8. Shouts of "Come!" from Lincoln
bedroom no longer
make Hillary
suspicious.
7. Chelsea drops to #2 on the
White House Pug-Ugly List.
6. Pipe and slipper retrieval
removed from Al Gore's daily
to-do list.
5. Roger Clinton no longer
the only one to piddle in the
Rose Garden.
4. Cries of "What a dog!" no
longer make Janet Reno
burst into
tears at State dinners.
3. To the embarrassment of
the trainers, the dog is still
unable to
tell Al Gore from a tree.
2. "Get that horny furball
off my leg!" no longer refers
exclusively
to the President.
and the Number
1 Change at the White House,
now that
the Clintons have a Puppy...
1. Campaign donors staying overnight
in the Lincoln Bedroom
now find
complimentary Tootsie Rolls on their pillows.
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Clinton Jokes
 |
Subj:
Hillary Clinton Unhurt In Air Crash (S550b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/30/2007 Picture from Cox & Forkum |
Top
Subj: Chelsea
Returns From College (S302b, S97)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #289 on98-12-09
and
From: pns on 11/11/2002
Chelsea Clinton went off to
college and came back home for
the holidays. Hillary
was quite happy to see her daughter
and pressed her for information
about college. "So, are
you enjoying college, dear?"
she asked. Chelsea nodded
vigorously.
"And are there boys in college?"
Hillary questioned. Once
again, Chelsea nodded with a
mischievous gleam in her eyes.
Hillary, unable to resist and
curious about her daughter's
activities, went on to ask,
"And are you having sex with
these boys?"
Chelsea burst out laughing.
After a moment, she straightened,
stared into her mother's eyes,
and said, "Not according to Dad."
| Subj:
Hillary Special (S155, S456b)
From: icohen on 01/21/2000 and From: DoctorDebt on 10/14/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: Bill
Brings Back Two Pigs
Air Force One comes in for a
landing at the airport. A ramp
is wheeled up and President
Clinton appears carrying a pig
under each arm. As he
comes down the ramp, the Marine at the
bottom snaps to a salute. Clinton
says, "You'll have to excuse
me. I can't return your salute.
My hands are full."
"Yes Sir. I see the pigs Sir!"
responds the Marine. "Now hold
on," says Clinton. "These aren't
just pigs. These are genuine
Arkansas Razorbacks."
"Yes Sir! Razorbacks Sir!" says
the Marine. "I got this one
for Chelsea and this one for
Hillary," Clinton explains. The
Marine answers, "Yes Sir! An
excellent trade if I may say so
myself Sir!"
Top
Subj: Bill
Gets A Dog (2ed vers.)
Clinton is returning to Washington
after a trip, and as he
walks down the steps of Air
Force One, he is leading a small
dog on a leash. The Marine
at the bottom of the steps snaps
a smart salute.
Marine: "Welcome back
home, Mr. President."
Clinton: "Thank you.
It's good to be back."
Marine: "Nice dog, sir."
Clinton: "Thanks.
I got it for Hillary."
Marine: "Good trade, sir."
From: The Bartender Joke Of The Day
on 07/05/97
Bill & HIllary are at the
first baseball game of the season...
opening day!!! Suddenly
and very unexpectedly, (and before
the game had gotten started)
Clinton grabs Hillary by the
collar and throws her over the
side and onto the field.
The audience at the game as
well as on the television
stations, was shocked.
Equally stunned was the home plate
umpire, leaning over to help
Hillary get on her feet, and he
shouted, "No, Mr. President!"
I said, Throw the first "pitch" !"
From: dscott on 97-06-04 (S19)
Same as ENGLISHMEN file - 'Short
English Jokes'
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant.
The waiter tells them
tonight's special is chicken
almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll
have that," Hillary says.
The waiter nods. "And
the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, HE'll have the fish," Hillary
replies.
From: humorlist-digest V1 #202 on 97-09-18
One day the Clintons and the
Gores are out at dinner and having
a really great time, lots of
drinks and friendly flirting.
Bill Clinton looks out over
the table and says, "You know,
we're such good friends, why
don't we swap for one night and
make the sex more exciting ?"
They all think it's a great idea,
and they head off to their
bedrooms. Suddenly Bill
Clinton hears Hillary from the next
room screaming uncontrollably
with pleasure. He starts to get
a little jealous, so he asks,
"I wonder what Hillary could be
getting that makes her that
happy ?"
Then Al Gore, lying next to him
says, "I don't know, but Tipper
must be really hot tonight!"
From: humorlist-digest V2 #4 on 98-01-04
Paul McCartney says it's wrong
to make criminals out of people
who smoke pot. The problem
is, pot is a gateway drug. One
day you're not inhaling, the
next day you're not violating
campaign finance laws.
From: Anaise on 98-01-26
Name that Scandal: Winner: Zippergate.
First runner up: Tailgate.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #226 on 98-01-28
Clinton's new nickname?
The Unabanger.
What's the new name for the latest
Presidential scandal?
Fornigate.
What's the new game they're playing
in the White House?
Swallow the Leader.
From: cohen on 98-01-28
Did you hear Clinton doesn't
use bookmarks?
He just bends over the pages!
From: humorlist-digest V2 #27 on 98-01-28
President Clinton looks up from
his desk in the Oval Office
to see one of his aides nervously
approach him. "What is
it?" yells the President.
"It's this abortion bill, Mr.
President. What do you
want to do about it?" the aide asks.
"Just go ahead and pay it."
responds the President.
From: The Bartenders Joke of the day
for 29 Jan 98
Should we rename it THE ORAL
OFFICE?
From: humorlist-digest V2 #28 on 98-01-29
President French-Fry was out
jogging when a Hooker standing
on the corner hailed him.
"Hey Mr. President! Fifty bucks!"
"No, no." Bill replied with
a grin, "Five bucks!" and kept
on jogging. This exchange
soon became a part of the President's
normal routine. Each day
as he'd approach the corner, the
hooker would yell out, "Hey
Mr. President... Fifty Bucks!"
and Bill would holler back,
"No, Five Bucks!" Well, one day,
Hillary decided she wanted to
go jogging with Bill. As they
neared the corner, Bill suddenly
realized what a terrible
scene was about to happen.
Sure enough, there was the hooker,
and just like all the other
times she smiled and waved and
yelled out, "Hey Mr. President......See
what you get for Five
Bucks!"
From: TNKRTEACH on 98-02-02
"One thing's for sure about
Clinton...
He sure doesn't neglect domestic
affairs!"
From: TwistBlts (S55)
Monica, Monica,
I told you to lick my erection,
Not wreck my election.
Monica, Monica,
I told you to lie in a different
position,
Not lie in a deposition.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #80 on 98-03-30
(S61)
Did you hear Yasir Arafat's
advice to Bill Clinton?
Sheep don't talk.
Know what the latest game-craze
in Washington is?
Swallow the leader
Irrelvant fact #1: Monica Lewinski
was in the same
2nd grade class as Tori Spelling
of 90210 fame.
From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
If Clinton is the answer, it
was a stupid question.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #93 on 98-04-15
(S63)
Clinton was walking around the
White House with a pair of
ladies panties on his arm.
Everyone was looking at him
and wondering what he was doing
now. After about an hour
one guy got brave enough to
ask him what he was doing with
the pair of ladies panties on
his arm and Clinton replied,
"It's the patch, I'm trying
to quit."
From: humorlist-digest V2 #93 on 98-04-15
(S63)
A woman shows up at the white
house in a trench coat and
scarf and says,
"I received your emergency phone
call, Mrs. Clinton, and
came right away, but what could
I possibly do to save the
country?"
Mrs. Clinton: "Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit."
From: ossama on 98-04-18 (S64)
According to Men's Health magazine,
the male lion can have
sex as often as 100 times a
day. In fact, at 103 times a
day, the other animals stop
calling him "King of the Jungle"
and start calling him "President
of the United States."
From: humorlist-digest V2 #112 on 98-05-07
To ensure economic prosperity,
ancient civilization would
sacrifice a virgin by throwing
her in a volcano. Nowadays,
the job qualifications are less
stringent, and she merely
has to work as a White House
intern.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #245 on 98-05-08
(S67)
I was thinking what a wonderful
country America is! Only in
America can a foreign diplomat
claim diplomatic immunity
for charges of vehicular manslaughter,
but our own President
cannot claim executive privilege
for a blow job!
From: RFSlick on 98-05-13
Jack Kevorkian for White House
Physician.
From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-30
Whitewater is over when the
First Lady sings.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #265
in 98-08-10 (S80)
In the year 2000 we will all
remember Mr. Clinton
as "The President who followed
Bush"
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #267 on 98-08-21
(S82)
Did you hear that the FBI is
having problems with the stains
on Monica's dress? It
seems that everybody in Arkansas has
the same DNA.
Top
Subj: Clinton
Zingers (S83)
From: ossama on 98-09-03
Chrysler Corporation is adding
a new car to its line to
honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge
Draft will begin production
in Canada this year.
When Clinton was asked what he
thought about foreign affairs,
he replied, "I don't know. I
never had one."
If you came across Bill Clinton
struggling in a raging river
and you had a choice between
rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer
prize-winning photograph, what
shutter speed would you use?
Chelsea asked her dad, "Do all
fairy tales begin with once upon
a time...?" Bill Clinton replied,
"No. Some begin with 'After
I'm elected...'"
Clinton's mother prayed fervently
that Bill would grow up and
be president. So far, half of
her prayer has been answered.
The American Indians have nicknamed
Bill Clinton as "Walking
Eagle" because he is so full
of sh.. that he can't fly.
Isn't putting Bill Clinton in
charge of a trust fund as insane
as putting in a draft-dodger
as Commander in Chief?
Clinton only lacks three things
to become one of America's
finest leaders: Integrity, vision,
and wisdom.
Asked about his views on euthanasia,
Clinton replied, "Youth in
Asia are just like kids everywhere
else."
Clinton is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe
From: ossama on 98-10-13
Siskel and Ebert gave Clinton's
video taped testimony two cigars up!
Top
Subj: Clinton Stew (S91)
From:
RFSlick on 98-09-22
What's the recipe for Clinton
stew?
Put a tiny weenie into real
hot water.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #219 98-09-16
(S96)
I'm glad I'm not President of
the United States, because then
I would be limited to having
sex with pretty much whoever shows
up in my office.
From: RFSlick on 98-12-09 (S99)
Monica walks into her dry cleaning
store and tells the guy,
"I've got another dress for
you to clean."
Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"
"No," says Monica. "Mustard."
From: humorlist-digest V3 #7 on 99-01-09
(S102)
In Kennedy's time we had Camelot.
In Clinton's we have CAME-A-LOT.
Top
Subj: Anagram
(S107)
From: Tom_Adams on 99-02-11
President Clinton Of The USA - To
Copulate He Finds Interns
From: ossama on 4/25/99 (S117)
In New York, a Democratic bumper
sticker saying, "Run Hillary,
Run" has appeared. Republicans
are putting it on their FRONT
bumper.
From: tadams96 on 6/6/2003 (S332b)
"I'm not going to have some
reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton
commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.
"If we don't succeed, we run
the risk of failure."
-- Bill Clinton,
President
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Clinton
Question and Answers
Q: Bill and Hillary are on a
sinking boat. Who gets saved?
A: The nation.
Q: What do you get when you cross
a crooked politician with a
dishonest lawyer?
A: Chelsea.
Q. What does Bill say to Hillary
after a romantic interlude?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20
minutes."
Q: Why did all the homosexuals
vote for Bill Clinton in the
last election?
A: Because they like assholes
better than Bush.
Q: How come Clinton doesn't catch
colds?
A: He knows how to avoid the
draft.
Q: What's the difference between
Bob Dole and Hillary Clinton?
A: Dole always wants to screw
the president.
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton
apart from a cow?
A: By the wise look in the cow's
eyes.
From: Anaise on 98-01-26
Q: Why does Bill Clinton wears
underwear?
A: To keep his ankles warm.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #27 on 98-01-28
Q: What does Bill say to Hillary
after having sex?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20
minutes."
From: humorlist-digest V2 #28 on 98-01-29
Q: What is the difference between
Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 200 women went down
on the Titanic.
Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze
Hillary from the waist down?
A: He married her.
Q: How many women does it take
to satisfy Bill Clinton's
sexual appetite?
A: It Takes A Village!
Q: What game did Bill Clinton
want Paula Jones to play?
A: Swallow the leader
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #226 on 98-01-28
Q: What's the difference between
Watergate and Zippergate?
A: At least this time, there's
no doubt about the identity
of "Deep Throat."
Q: What is the name of Hillary's
next book?
A: 'It Takes a Village to Keep
an Eye on My Husband.'
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #235 on 98-03-09
(S58)
Q: What's the difference between
Bill Clinton and
a screwdriver?
A: A screwdriver turns in screws....
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #243 0n 98-05-01
(S66)
Q: What's furry, green, and
smells like pussy?
A: The pool table in the Oval
Office.
From: FrankRoesc on 98-09-25 (S86)
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and
Soda Pop machines
have in common?
A: They both have slots which
say "Insert 'Bill" here."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
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