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Subj:     Polit-Bush
                 (Includes 41 jokes and articles, 10 1004n,12,cf,md4v,3)
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          Click "Here" for Bush-Supp
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Bush and father
from
Winstars
Includes the following:  Clinton Got A Blowjob - Video (S534 in Supp)
.........................New Bush Bumper Stickers (S550c in Supp)
.........................Will Ferrel As George Bush-Global Warming - Video (S542 in Supp)
.........................Bush Is A 'Post Turtle' (S486c in Supp)
.........................White House Correspondents Dinner - Video (S497 in Supp)
.........................President Bush Visits Reservation (S482b in Supp)
.........................Bush Sings A U2 Song - Video (S490 in Supp)
.........................Osama Writes George Bush (s459)
.........................Presidential Riddle (S451)
.........................Bush Plans World War III (S448b)
.........................Letter From Senior Against Bush (S401)
.........................President Bush Goes Running (S384)
.........................News:  Bush Agrees to More Inspectors (S320b)
.........................President Bush Meets Moses (S318)
.........................Bush And Sharon Have Dinner (S315)
.........................Bush Meets The Queen (S311, S551c)
.........................Three Politicians And The Firing Squad (S308)
.........................Bush Does "Who's on first?" (S303)
.........................Bush Does "Who's on first?" II - Video (S518b)
.........................Bush Does A Jigsaw Puzzle (S238)
.........................Election 2000 Statistics (S235)
.........................Poem Of Bush Quotes (S235)
.........................Bush-isms (S308b, S485)
.........................MisQuotes Of Bush In S.M.L. #308b-4
.........................Bush's Trip To Europe (S230)
.........................The Presidential Test (S214)
.........................Three Famous People Arrive At Heaven's Gate (S209)
.........................Bush Acceptance Speech (S208)
.........................GW Bush Song (S206)
.........................Short Bush Political Jokes
..............................Rogers Political Cartoons (S651b)
..............................Ann Telnaes Political Cartoon (S624 in Supp)
..............................Alfred E. Newman - GIF (S588c in Supp)
..............................The Bush Game (S620 in Supp)
..............................Bush Vs Bush Photo Caption Contest (S518c in Supp)
..............................Google's Failure (S501b in Supp)
..............................Bush Flips Finger (S479b in Supp)
..............................Cheney And Bush Have Breakfast (S475c in Supp)
..............................What If Bush Was A Jedi? - Video (S490c in Supp)
..............................Rep Charles Rangel's Bush Quotation (S489b in Supp)
..............................Bush at the Foxworthy Roast - Video (S476b in Supp)
..............................Groundhog Day And State Of The Union (S470 in Supp)
..............................Caption Needed (S463b in Supp)
..............................George The Rag Doll - SWF Video (S461b in Supp)
..............................Bush Emotional At Briefing (S452b)
..............................Smart Bomb Sign (S451)
..............................Craig Kilborn Quote (S393b)
..............................Bush Vacation Continues (S450b)
..............................Bush-Kerry Debate (S403b)
..............................The World Is My Toy - Video (S445b)
..............................Google Joke (S404)
..............................Animated GIF Bush And Monkey (S390)
..............................David Letterman On Bush (S351b
..............................Bush Goes Fishing (S366b))
..............................Movie - Time To Bomb Saddam (S322)
..............................Bush Explains No Decision Yet (S313)
..............................Bush On Roe v. Wade (S215)
..............................Bush Explains The War (S313)
..............................Jeb Bush's Letter (S304)
..............................Movie Poster - Gulf Wars Episode II (S305)
..............................What's Taking So Long?  (S244b)

Also see BANKING file - 'New $200 Bill'
         BARBER file  - 'Bush And Clinton At The Barbershop'
         BUSH4 file   - 'George Bush And John Kerry Are Related'
         CHRISTMAS3   - 'Twas The Night Before Ramadan'
         CLOTHING-SUPP- 'The Problem with Socks By Barbara Bush' - Video
         COMPUTERS-SUP- 'How To Start Your Day w/Smile:'
         DOCTOR-SUPP  - 'Three Texas Surgeons Brag'
         GHOSTS file  - 'G.W.Bush Meets Three Ghosts'
         GAMES2 file  - 'White House Joust'
         HALLOWEEN    - 'Halloween Heads'
         HOOKER2 file - 'Pres. Bush Wants A Call Girl'
         MIDDLE EAST  - 'Hussein Calls Bush'
......................- 'Bush Visits Hussein'
         NATIONAL2    - 'Presidents Dieing In Office'
         NAT_STATS-SUP- 'State Average IQ and Presidential Vote'
         POLI-CLINTON - 'Clinton Issues Full Pardon'
         POLI-OBAMA   - 'Vocal Impersonator Steve Bridges' - Videos
         POLI-POLTCL1 - 'Check Your Political Pulse'
         POLI-POLTCL2 - 'Ghosts of Christmas Pres(id)ent'
......................- 'Six Presidents On A Sinking Ship'
         QUOTES2 file - 'Bush Quotes'
......................- 'Bush Quotes And Joke Journal'
         QUOTES-CMD-SP- 'Crazy World by Chris Rock'
.........SIGNS_N_NAMES- 'Fun With Names'
         STARTREK file- 'Pres. Bush Explains Star Trek'
         TATTOOS file - 'Returning From Canada w/Tattoos'
         TRAIN file   - 'The Bushes And Clintons Ride A Train'

============================================================Top
Subj:     Osama Writes George Bush (S459)
          From: CKButch4Femme on 11/7/2005
 (Also see 'Bush Writes A Note To Obama' in POLIT-OBAMA)

 After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is
 still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a
 letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still
 in the game.

 Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded
 message:

 370H-SSV-0773H

 Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice.

 Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to
 the FBI.

 No one could solve it, so it went to the CIA, then to NSA.

 With no clue as to its meaning, they eventually asked
 Britain's MI-6 for help.

 MI-6 cabled the White House:
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Drawing from AuthorityGoldmine.com
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 "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

Top
Subj:     Presidential Riddle (S451)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 9/8/2005

 President George W. Bush is listed as our 42st president,
 but only 41 men have held the office. Why?

 x
 x
 x
 x
 x
 Scroll down for the answer
 x
 x
 x
 x
 x
 Here it comes
 x
 x
 x
 x
 x

 Grover Cleveland held office during 2 nonconsecutive terms.
 He was our 22nd and 24th president. Incidentally, his full
 name is Stephen Grover Cleveland.

Top
Subj:     Bush Plans World War III (S448b, S613b)
          From Comedy Central on 8/14/2005
      and From: darrellvip on 10/8/2008
          Source: http://jokes.comedycentral.com

 Bush and Rumsfeld were sitting in a bar.  A guy walked
 in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld?"
 The barman said, "Yep, that's them."

 So the guy walked over and said, "Hello.  What are you
 guys doing?"

 Bush said, "We're planning World War III."

 The guy asked, "Really?  What's going to happen?"

 Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iranians
 and a blonde with big tits."

 The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?  Why kill a
 blonde with big tits?"

 Bush turned to Rumsfeld and said, "See, I told you no one
 would worry about the 10 million Iranians!"

Top
Subj:     Letter From Senior Against Bush (S401)
          From: DafterLafter on 7/14/2004

 To whoever it may concern:

 During the Clinton Administration I had an extremely good
 and well paying job. I took numerous vacations and had
 several vacation homes. Since President Bush took office, I
 have watched my entire life change for the worse. I lost my
 job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War. I lost
 my homes. I lost my health insurance. As a matter of fact,
 I lost virtually everything and became homeless. Adding
 insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like
 an animal, instead of helping me, they arrested me. I will
 do anything to insure President Bush's defeat in the next
 election.

 I will do anything that Senator Kerry wants, to insure that
 a Democrat is back in the White House come next year. Bush
 has to go.

 I just thought you and your readers would like to know how
 one senior citizen views the Bush Administration. Thank
 you for taking the time to read my letter.

 Sincerely,

 Saddam Hussein

Top
Subj:     President Bush Goes Running (S384)
          From: Imogenelumen on 6/4/2004

 This is a section of a letter from my grandson who is stationed
 in Korea. Makes me think our president is a real person.

 Arlee

 Attached is a picture of one of my best friends in the Army,
 Mike McNaughton.  We were privates together in 1990-1994.  He
 stepped on a landmine in Afghanistan Christmas 2002.  President
 Bush came to visit the wounded in the hospital.  He told Mike
 that when he could run a mile, that they would go on a run
 together.  True to his word, he called Mike every month or so
 to see how he was doing.  Well, last week they went on the run,
 1 mile with the president.  Not something you'll see in the
 news, but seeing the president taking the time to say thank
 you to the wounded and to give hope to one of my best friends
 was one of the greatest/best things I have seen in my life.
 It almost sounds like a corny email chain letter, but God
 bless him.

 Love,
 Justin

 CPT Justin P. Dodge, MD
 Flight Surgeon, 1-2 AVN RGT
 Medical Corps, U.S. Army
 

 Snopes.com reports this story as true.
 http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/jogging.asp

Top
Subj:     News:  Bush Agrees to More Inspectors (S320b)
          From: Cypriot on 3/21/2003

 PRESIDENT BUSH AGREES TO MORE INSPECTORS IN IRAQ
 (AP) Washington DC Wednesday, March 12, 2003 3:45 PM

 President George Bush has announced that the US will not
 attack Iraq.  The President announced that he is agreeing
 to deploying additional inspectors throughout Iraq.

 The US will send 250,000 additional inspectors:

 24,000 members of the 1st Infantry Division

 15,000 members of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault)

 15,000 members of the 82d Airborne Division

 More than 5,000 members of the 4th armored division with
 their "M1-A1 all-terrain vehicles"

 Additional US Army personnel, as needed for inspections

 A variety of US Air Force personnel for aerial recon
 missions and other "surveillance" activities

 A significant number of United States Marines to aid with
 inspections

 United States Coast Guard personnel to inspect coastlines

 An undisclosed number of Rangers, Green Berets, Navy SEALs,
 Recon Marines, Delta Force, and other Special Operations
 personnel to inspect Iraqi "hideaways"

 Special air deliveries to aid the inspections will be made
 by aircraft from the USS Constellation, USS George Washington,
 USS Abraham Lincoln and USS Enterprise.

 The President said: "With these additional inspectors, the
 inspections should be completed in a few weeks."

Top
Subj:     President Bush Meets Moses (S318)
          From: lljknt on 3/4/2003

 Recently while going through an airport, President Bush
 encountered a man with long hair, wearing a robe and
 sandals, holding a staff.

 President Bush went up to the man and said, "Aren't you
 Moses?"  The man never answered but just kept staring
 ahead.  Again the President said, "Moses!" in a loud
 voice.  The man just kept staring ahead, never answering
 the president.

 Soon a secret service agent came along and President Bush
 grabbed him and said, "Doesn't this man look like Moses
 to you?" The secret service agent agreed with the President.
 "Well," said the President, "every time I say his name, he
 just keeps staring ahead and refuses to speak. Watch!"
 Again, the President yelled, "Moses!" and again the man
 stared ahead.

 The secret service man went up to the man in the robe and
 whispered, "You look just like Moses.! Are you Moses?"

 The man leaned over and whispered," Yes, I am Moses, but
 the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years
 wandering in the desert and ended up leading my people to
 the only spot in the entire Middle East where there is no oil."

Top
Subj:     Bush And Sharon Have Dinner (S315)
          From: pns on 2/8/2003

 Ariel Sharon comes to Washington for meetings with George W.
 For the State Dinner, Laura decides to bring in a kosher chef
 and have a truly Jewish meal.

 At the dinner that night, the first course is Matzoh Ball
 Soup.  George W. looks at the dish and, after learning what
 it's called, he whispers to Carl Rove, who was hovering nearby,
 that he can't eat such a gross and strange-looking dish.

 Rove furiously whispers back, "Mr. Sharon will be very
 insulted if you don't at least taste it."

 Not wanting to cause any trouble -- after all he ate sheep's
 eye in honor of his Arab guests -- Dubya gingerly lowers his
 spoon into the bowl and retrieves a piece of matzoh ball and
 some broth.

 He hesitates, then swishes, chews, and swallows and a big
 smirk appears on his face.  He digs in and finishes the
 whole bowl.

 "That was delicious," he says to Sharon.  "Do the Jews eat
 any other part of the matzoh or just the balls?"

Top
Subj:     Bush Meets The Queen (S311, S551c)
          From: thebartend on 1/14/2003
      and From: darrellvip on 8/7/2007

 At Heathrow Airport, a 300-foot long red carpet stretches
 out to Air Force One and Mr. Bush strides to a warm but
 dignified hand shake from Queen Elizabeth II.  They ride
 in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central
 London where they then board an open 17th century coach
 pulled by six magnificent white matching horses.  They
 ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and
 waving to the thousands of cheering Britons.  So far
 everything is going well.  Suddenly the right rear horse
 lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-
 smarting blast of flatulence ever heard in the British
 Empire and so powerful that it shakes the coach.

 Uncomfortable, but under control, the two Dignitaries
 of State do their best to ignore the incident.  But,
 embarrassed, the Queen decides it's impossible to ignore
 it.  "Mr. President, please accept my regrets.  I'm sure
 you understand that there are some things not even a
 Queen can control."

 Ever the Texas gentleman, the President replies, "Your
 Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought.
 You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have
 thought it was one of the horses!"

Top
Subj:     Three Politicians And The Firing Squad (S308)
          From: gheckman on 12/27/2002

 Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face
 a firing squad in a small Central American country.  Bill
 Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just
 before the order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!"
 The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over
 the wall and escaped in the confusion.

 Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall.  The
 squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just
 witnessed.  Again before the order was given Al yelled
 out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped
 over the wall.

 The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the
 wall.  He was thinking, "I see the pattern here, just
 scream out something about a disaster and hop over the
 wall." He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing
 squad was reassembled.  As the rifles were raised in his
 direction he grinned from ear to ear and yelled, "Fire!"

Top
Subj:     Bush Does "Who's on first?" (S303)
          From: ICohen on 11/21/2002
      and From: KMACINTY on 11/22/2002
          (See "Who's On First" in BASEBALL
          and 'Abbot Teaches Costello About Computers' in QUOTES-COMED)

 (Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after Hu Jintao was named
 chief of the Communist Party in China.  A remake of the Abbott
 and Costello classic from an Australian Politics Website:
 http://australianpolitics.com/news/2002/11/02-11-23.shtml
 We take you now to the Oval Office, with George W. Bush and
 Condoleeza Rice.)
 
 George: Condi! Nice to see you.
         What's happening?

 Condi: Sir, I have the report here
        about the new leader of China.

 George: Great. Lay it on me.

 Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
 


Picture from RFSlick on 8/28/2005
 George: That's what I want to know.

 Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

 George: That's what I'm asking you.
         Who is the new leader of China?

 Condi: Yes.

 George: I mean the fellow's name.

 Condi: Hu.

 George: The guy in China.

 Condi: Hu.

 George: The new leader of China.

 Condi: Hu.

 George: The Chinaman!

 Condi: Hu is leading China.

 George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

 Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

 George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

 Condi: That's the man's name.

 George: That's whose name?

 Condi: Yes.

 George: Will you or will you not tell me the name
         of the new leader of China?

 Condi: Yes, sir.

 George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China?  I thought
         he was in the Middle East.

 Condi: That's correct.

 George: Then who is in China?

 Condi: Yes, sir.

 George: Yassir is in China?

 Condi: No, sir.

 George: Then who is?

 Condi: Yes, sir.

 George: Yassir?

 Condi: No, sir.

 George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the
         new leader of China.  Get me the Secretary
         General of the U.N. on the phone.

 Condi: Kofi?

 George: No, thanks.

 Condi: You want Kofi?

 George: No.

 Condi: You don't want Kofi.

 George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use
         a glass of milk.  And then get me the U.N.

 Condi: Yes, sir.

 George: Not Yassir!  The guy at the U.N.

 Condi: Kofi?

 George: Milk!  Will you please make the call?

 Condi: And call who?

 George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

 Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

 George: Will you stay out of China?!

 Condi: Yes, sir.

 George: And stay out of the Middle East!
         Just get me the guy at the U.N.

 Condi: Kofi.

 George: All right! With cream and two sugars.
         Now get on the phone.

 (Condi picks up the phone.)

 Condi: Rice, here.

 George: Rice? Good idea.  And a couple of egg rolls, too.
         Maybe we should send some to the guy in China.
         And the Middle East.  Can you get Chinese food
         in the Middle East?

Top
Subj:     Bush Does "Who's on first?" II (S518b,d)
          From: allenbergman
          on 12/14/2006

 This is a remake of the Abbott and Costello classic routine.
 Clicking 'HERE'. to view this very cute video.

Top
Subj:     Bush Does A Jigsaw Puzzle (S238)
          From: drribeiro on 8/21/2001

 George W. Bush calls his wife, Laura and says, "Please come
 to the Oval Office and help me.  I have this killer jigsaw
 puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

 Laura asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

 He says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

 Laura decides to go to his office and help him with the
 puzzle.  George shows her the puzzle spread all over his
 desk.  She studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at
 the box, then turns to him and says, "George, honey, first
 of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
 assemble these pieces into a tiger. "Second, I'd advise you
 to relax.  Let's have a cup of coffee, then put all these
 Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Top
Subj:     Election 2000 Statistics (S235)
          From: flovilla on 7/30/2001

 Just a few notes on the election results you won't hear
 from the media:

 Total Counties won by Bush: 2,434
 Total Counties won by Gore: 677

 Population of counties won by Bush: 143 million
 Population of counties won by Gore: 127 million

 Square miles of country won by Bush: 2,427,000
 Square miles of country won by Gore: 580,000

 States won by Bush: 29
 States won by Gore: 10

 And, finally, a most remarkable finding.....
 Average murders per 100,000 residents in counties
    won by Bush: 0.1
 Average murders per 100,000 residents in counties
    won by Gore: 13.2
 (Researchers found an interesting fact that might help
    explain these disparate murder rates: Gun ownership
    in the counties won by Mr.Bush is much higher than
    in the counties won by Mr. Gore).

Top
Subj:     Poem Of Bush Quotes (S235)
          From: gheckman on 7/27/2001

 This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotes from George
 W. Bush.  The quotes have been arranged only for aesthetic
 purposes, by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson.

 MAKE THE PIE HIGHER by George W. Bush

 I think we all agree, the past is over.
 This is still a dangerous world.
 It's a world of madmen and uncertainty.

 Rarely is the question asked,
 Is our children learning?
 Will the highways of the internet
 become more few?

 How many hands have I shaked?
 They misunderestimate me.
 I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
 I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.

 Families is where our nation finds hope,
 where our wings take dream.
 Put food on your family!
 Knock down the tollbooth!

 Vulcanize Society!
 Make the pie higher!
 Make the pie higher!

Top
Subj:     Bush-isms (S308b, S485)
          From: gheckman on 12/27/2002
      and From: darrell94590 on 5/6/2006
          (See 'Bush Quotes' in QUOTES2)

 You can read these Bush quotations on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     MisQuotes Of Bush In S.M.L. #308b-4
          From: agrief on 1/2/2003

 Most (all?) of those Bush quotes are misquotes.

 http://www.snopes.com/quotes/bush.htm
 http://www.snopes.com/quotes/quayle.htm

 Thanks Abe for correcting me.  If I include an Urban Legend
 or make some other error, please correct me.  I will put the
 correction at the start of the next Sunday Morning Laughs.

Top
Subj:     Bush's Trip To Europe (S230)
          From: pns on 6/20/2001

 In an emotional outburst at a state dinner in Brussels last
 night, a tearful President George W. Bush told a banquet
 room full of European leaders and reporters that he hated
 his trip to Europe and wanted to go home as soon as possible.

 "I hate it here," Mr. Bush told the stunned audience. "I
 miss my dog.  I miss my room and my video games.  I want to
 go home right now."

 President Bush went on to make remarks that many international
 experts interpreted to be critical of Europe.

 "I hate the food here," President Bush said. "There's nothing
 good to watch on TV.  And they keep on making me go to these
 dumb old museums."

 "The only reason I even went to Europe is because my parents
 forced me to," Mr. Bush went on to say.  "None of my friends
 have to go to Europe.  It's so unfair."

 Reached at their home in Kennebunkport, Maine, the president's
 parents, Former President George Bush and Barbara Bush,
 disagreed with their son's characterization of their role in
 the European visit.

 "We didn't force him to go," Mr. Bush said. "But I think
 going to Europe will be a good experience for him, and some
 day he'll thank us.  He can sit in his hotel room and sulk
 if he wants, but we are not letting him go home one day
 earlier than planned."

 For her part, Mrs. Bush was not surprised at the news of
 her son's outburst.  "There's always something with him,"
 Mrs. Bush told reporters.  "He doesn't realize how lucky
 he is to even go to Europe -- so many people can't afford
 a nice trip like that."

 "For once in his life I wish he'd stop his belly-aching,"
 the President's mother said.

 Vice-President Dick Cheney acknowledged that the President
 had been unhappy with the European trip so far, but remained
 optimistic that Mr. Bush's mood would soon improve.

 "Tomorrow we're going to London, and that should be a whole
 lot better," Mr. Cheney said.  "We've promised him that he
 could go to Madame Tussaud's and ride a double-decker bus."

Top
Subj:     The Presidential Test (S214)
          From: FrankRoeschon 3/5/2001
      and From: lazurebyjudy on 3/16/2006

 President Geprge W. Bush gets an invite from the Queen to come
 and visit her in England.  One afternoon when drinking tea,
 he asks her what's the secret of her  success?  She tells him
 that she relies on her people a lot and therefore she must be
 certain that they  are intelligent. She decides to show him
 exactly what she means and phones Tony Blair.  "Now
 listen carefully, Mr. Bush.  I'm going to ask Mr. Blair a
 question to determine his intelligence."

 On the phone she says, "Oh, hello Mr. Blair.  I have a
 question for you. Your mother has a child, and your father
 has a child.  This child is not one of your brothers and is
 not one of your sisters. Who is he?"

 Tony Blair responds, "It's me."

 "Correct.  Thank you... bye," says the Queen and she
 hangs up. "Did you get that Mr. Bush?"

 "Yes'm.  Thanks a lot!  I'll definitely be using that!"

 Once back in the US he decides that he has doubts about
 some Republicans and he's going to ask them the question.
 He arranges a meeting with his chief of staff, Karl Rove.
 He said to him, "I have a riddle for you, and the answer is
 very important.  Your parents had a child and it was not
 your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"
 Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we
 determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I
 deliberate on this for a while?" "Yes," said Bush, "I'll give
 you four hours to come up with the answer."

 So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff,
 and asked them the riddle.  But after much discussion and
 many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer.
 So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the
 President.

 As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former
 Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said,
 "Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me.  Your
 parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was
 not your brother. Who was the child?"

 "That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me."

 "Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!"

 So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush,
 "I think I know the answer to your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!"

 "No, you idiot!" shouted Bush, "The child was Tony Blair!"

Top
Subj:     Three Famous People Arrive At Heaven's Gate (S209)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 1/29/2001

 Einstein dies and goes to heaven.  At the Pearly Gates, Saint
 Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO
 idea the lengths that some people will go to to sneak into
 Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

 Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a
 blackboard and some chalk?"

 Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk
 instantly appear.  Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane
 mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

 Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!"
 he says "Welcome to heaven!"

 The next to arrive is Picasso.  Once again, Saint Peter asks
 for credentials.  Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that
 blackboard and chalk?"

 Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

 Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly
 stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

 Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim
 to be!" he says "Come on in!"

 Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush.  Saint
 Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both
 managed to prove their identity.  How can you prove yours?"

 George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and
 Picasso?"

 Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

Top
Subj:     Bush Acceptance Speech (S208)
          From: tadams96 on 1/26/2001

 Bush's acceptance speech (first draft)

 My fellow Americans, it's about fucking time.  All you
 liberals can just kiss my big, white, Texas ass, if
 you think I'm gonna spew a boatload of bipartisan
 bullshit.  Let's set the record straight here.  I won,
 dammit.  Hell, I won FOUR OR FIVE TIMES, you stupid
 bastards.  We got the presidency, we got Congress, and
 by the end of four years we'll have even more of the
 Supreme Court.  The Republicans are here, and we're
 gonna show you how it's done.

 Ya'll wnat me to reach across party lines now?How
 'bout I reach across and bitch-slap all your
 sorry-liberal-monkey-asses?  How'd ya like that?
 Don't get me wrong, here.  The sense of satisfaction
 I'm feeling right now isn't that I've won - it's that
 I won't have to listen to Al Gore bitch and moan about
 "letting every vote count".  The only reason this went
 as far as it did is because you Democrats have a
 playground crybaby as your poster-boy, and I for one
 am glad I won't have to see him on TV anymore.  This
 might sound snippy, Mr. Gore, but as we used to say in
 the sandlot...LOSERS WALK!!!

 As I said in my campaign, I promised to be a president
 who focuses on education.  My first task as President
 will be to start an educational program for all you
 Florida-idiots who can't tell your elbow from your
 asshole or how to poke a stylus through the right
 hole.  I don't get you liberal Democrats, when we're
 talking about Bill Clinton and some office whore, you
 say that the lack of penetration doesn't count; but
 when it comes to ballots, lack of penetration DOES count.

 You want a solution to this problem?  Take some
 Viagra, you old farts, and finish what you started
 next election.  Until then, I want to ask you just one
 question: "Who's yer daddy???"

 And so I humby accept the office of President of these
 United States.

 Thank you.
 W.

Top
Subj:     GW Bush Song (S206)
          From: CHRISDADDYG on 1/12/2001

 The Kennebunkport Hillbilly
 (sing to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)

 Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name Bush.
 His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.
 He drank like a fish while he drove all about.
 But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
 DUI, that is.  Criminal record.  Cover-up.

 Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to Yale.
 He can't spell his name but they never let him fail.
 He spends all his time hangin' out with student folk.
 And that's when he learns how to snort a line of coke.
 Blow, that is.  White gold.  Nose candy.

 The next thing you know there's a war in Vietnam.
 Kin folks say, "George, stay at home with Mom."
 Let the common people get maimed and scarred.
 We'll buy you a spot in the Texas Air Guard.
 Cushy, that is.  Country clubs.  Nose candy.

 Twenty years later George gets a little bored.
 He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
 He said, "Now the White House is the place I wanna be."
 So he called his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
 Gun owners, that is.  Falwell.  Jesse Helms.

 Come November 7, the election ran late.
 Kin folks said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
 "Don't let those colored folks get into the polls."
 So they put up barricades so they couldn't punch their holes.
 Chads, that is.  Duval County.  Miami-Dade.

 Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped in.
 Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win."
 "Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation.
 And that's how George finally got his coronation.
 Rigged, that is.  Illegitimate.  No moral authority.
 Y'all


Subj:     Short Bush Political Jokes

Top
Subj:     Bush Emotional At Briefing (S452b)
          From: mebharkins on 9/23/2005
 Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
 He concludes by saying:  "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers
 were killed in an accident'

 "OH NO!" the President exclaims.  "That's terrible!"

 His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously
 watching as the president sits, head in hands.  Finally, the
 President looks up and asks..........

 "How many is a Brazillion ??!"
 

Top
Subj:     Smart Bomb Sign (S451)
         From:  Anon Jr. on 9/15/2005
      and From: NorthernSun.com
 Source: http://www.northernsun.com/images/thumb/5637WereInBigTrouble.jpg
 

Top
Subj:     Craig Kilborn Quote (S393b)
          From: BennoRo on 8/8/2004
 "It's weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses
 for why we went to war.  As he struggles, it reminds us
 all what a terrific liar Bill Clinton really was."
   -- Craig Kilborn
 

Top
Subj:     Bush Vacation Continues (S450b)
          From: darrell94590
          on 9/11/2005
 This picture is so wrong that it's funny.  You can view it
 on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Bush-Kerry Debate (S403b)
          From: DafterLafter on 10/18/2004
 The other night John Kerry addressed President Bush directly
 by saying, 'In the weeks ahead, let's be optimistic.'

 Today, President Bush fired back saying, 'What does making
 eye glasses have to do with running the country?'
 

Top
Subj:     The World Is My Toy (S445b,d)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles
          on 8/1/2005 (in movies)
 Source: http://snipurl.com/gmf8
 This is a cute remake of an allied film clip of Hitler.
 To see the video, you can go to the source above, or
 my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Google Joke (S404)
          From: www.jokes@gomilpitas.com on 10/23/2004
 1. Go to http://www.google.com (don't use the
    Google task bar - actually go to their page)
 2. Type "failure" into the search engine.
 3. Click on the "I'm feeling lucky!" button.
 

Top
Subj:     Animated GIF Bush And Monkey (S390)
          From: DafterLafter on 7/14/2004
          At: http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/056.htm
 

Top
Subj:     David Letterman On Bush (S351b)
          From: pns on 10/18/2003
 "President Bush is leaving to go to Crawford, Texas, for a
 35-day working vacation.  This should go over big with all
 the people taking a can't-get-work vacation."
   -- David Letterman
 "The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give
 President Bush the chance to unwind.  My question is, when
 does the guy wind?"  --David Letterman
 

Top
Subj:     Bush Goes Fishing (S366b in Bush pictures)
          From: drgolfmd on 1/28/2004
 To see 'Bush Goes Fishing' go to my web site by
 clicking 'Here'.
 

Top
Subj:     Movie - Time To Bomb Saddam (S322)
          From: BennoRo on 3/29/2003
 The Bush And Powell Flash "animation" at:
 http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/saddam.html
 

Top
Subj:     Bush Explains No Decision Yet (S313)
          From: RFSlick on 2/1/2003 (in Bush2 in yyPictures)
 To see the photo "Bush Explains No Decision Yet" go
 to my web site by clicking 'Here'.
 

Top
Subj:     Bush On Roe v. Wade (S215)
          From: RFSlick on 3/15/2001
 George W. Bush was asked how he felt about Roe v. Wade.  He
 said it was the most important decision George Washington
 had to make before crossing the Delaware.
 

Top
 
Subj:     Bush Explains The War (S313)
          From: RFSlick on 2/1/2003
 To see the photo "Bush Explains the War" go to
 my web site by clicking 'Here'. (in Bush2 in yyPictures)
 

Top
Subj:     Jeb Bush's Letter (S304)
          From: jerry on 11/26/2002
 Florida Governor Jeb Bush, sent a congratulatory letter to
 the loser of the Vermont gubernatorial election.  He told
 Doug Racine, who lost the race to Jim Douglas, that he can
 look forward to "one of the most rewarding and challenging
 jobs in America."  Apparently.

 WPVI (Philadelphia) 26-Nov-02
 

Top
Subj:     Movie Poster - Gulf Wars Episode II (S305)
          From: KMACINTY on 12/5/2002
          Produced by Mad Magazine (in Bush in yyPictures)
 This poster is wonderful.  See it on my web by clicking 'HERE'.
 I had forgotten how good Mad Magazine is.
 

Top
Subj:     What's Taking So Long?  (S244b)
          From: mbucher on 10/6/2001
 Quote of the Day from President Bush when asked what is
 taking so long to retaliate against the recent attack:

 "When I take action I'm not going to fire a $2 million
 missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the ass."
   -- President of the United States, George W. Bush..
 

From: Anonymous Junior on 7/13/2005 (S442b)
 Q: What's the difference between Vietnam and Iraq?
 A: George W. Bush found a way out of Vietnam.

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