The only difference
between a tax man and a
taxidermist is that the taxidermist
leaves the
skin. -- Mark Twain
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/29/2002
(S287b)
Be good and you will be alone.
-- Mark Twain
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/29/2002 (S287b)
Always do right- this will gratify
some and
astonish the rest. --
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
From: Joke-of-the-day.com on 2/25/2003
(S317b)
Do the thing you fear most and
the death of fear
is certain. -- Mark Twain
From: joke-of-the-day.com on 3/31/2003
(S323b)
The first of April is the day
we remember what we
are the other 364 days of the
year. -- Mark Twain
From: igiggle on 8/3/2003 (S340b)
Experience teaches us only one
thing at a time
- and hardly that, in my case.
-- Mark Twain
From: Imogenelumen on 1/27/2004 (S366)
Last week I stated this woman
was the ugliest woman
I had ever seen. I have
since been visited by her
sister ... and now wish to withdraw
that statement.
-- Mark Twain
Be careful about reading health
books.
You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
What would men be without women?
Scarce, sir ... mighty scarce.
-- Mark Twain
Don't go around saying the world
owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing.
It was here first.
-- Mark Twain
From: igiggle on 4/21/2004 (S378b)
You cannot depend on your eyes
when your
imagination is out of focus.
-- Mark Twain
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/12/2005
(S442b)
Happiness is a Swedish sunset;
it is there for all,
but most of us look the other
way and lose it.
-- Mark Twain
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 8/6/2005
(S446b)
It is better to keep your mouth
closed and let
people think you are a fool
than to open it and
remove all doubt. -- Mark
Twain
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/7/2005 (S451b)
"Giving up smoking is the easiest
thing in the
world. I know because
I've done it thousands of
times." -- Mark Twain.
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 10/27/2005
(S457b)
"I have never taken any exercise
except sleeping
and resting." -- Mark
Twain
From: rfslick on 11/11/2005 (S459b)
There is no distinctly native
American criminal
class... save Congress.
-- Mark Twain
From: igiggle on 1/10/2006 (S468b)
"If you tell the truth you don't
have to remember
anything." -- Mark Twain
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/9/2006
(S468b)
"The human race has only one
really effective weapon,
and that's laughter.
The moment it arises, all our
hardnesses yield, all our irritations
and resentments
slip away, and a sunny spirit
takes their place."
-- Mark Twain
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/27/2006
(S472b)
"The old man laughed loud and
joyously, shook up the
details of his anatomy from
head to foot, and ended
by saying such a laugh was
money in a man's pocket,
because it cut down the doctor's
bills like anything."
-- Mark Twain
From: janeenmarie on 2/23/2006 (S475b)
Humor is the great thing, the
saving thing. The
minute it crops up, all our
irritation and resent-
ments slip away, and a sunny
spirit takes their
place. -- Mark Twain
From: LABLaughsRiddles
on 3/10/2006 (S478b)
"Few things
are harder to put up with than the
annoyance
of a good example." -- Mark Twain
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 4/7/2006
(S481b)
"Buy land.
They've stopped making it." -- Mark Twain
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 5/24/2006
(S487b)
"Denial
ain't just a river in Egypt." -- Mark Twain
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 6/28/2006
(S492b)
"I am
opposed to millionaires... but it would be
dangerous
to offer me the position." -- Mark Twain
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 8/4/2006
(S497b)
"Of all
the things I've lost, I miss my mind the
most."
-- Mark Twain
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 8/18/2006
(S500b)
"I have
been through some terrible things in my life,
some
of which actually happened." -- Mark Twain
From: LABLaughsRiddles
on 10/18/2006 (S509b)
"Let us
be thankful for the fools. But for them
the rest
of us could not succeed." -- Mark Twain
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 11/3/2006
(S511b)
"Of all
the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
-- Mark Twain
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 11/23/2006
(S527b)
A crank
is someone with a new idea - until it catches on.
The best
way to cheer yourself up is to
try to
cheer somebody else up.
I am different
from Washington; I have a higher,
grander
standard of principle. Washington could
not lie.
I can lie, but I won't.
Honesty
is the best policy - when there is money
in it.
A lie can
travel half way around the world while
the truth
is putting on its shoes.
The way
to keep your health is to eat what you don't
want,
drink what you don't like, and do what you'd
rather
not.
A man cannot
be comfortable without his own approval.
The first
half of life consists of the capacity to
enjoy
without the chance; the last half consists of
the chance
without the capacity.
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 5/25/2007
(S541b)
"You cannot
depend on your eyes when your imagination
is out
of focus." -- Mark Twain
From: SCOTCOB
on 7/24/2007 (S549b)
"If you
don't read the newspaper you are uninformed,
if you
do read the newspaper you are misinformed."
-- Mark Twain
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/8/2005 (S560b)
"It is
curious that physical courage should be so
common
in the world and moral courage so rare."
-- Mark Twain |
