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>>>
Subj:     Political 1 Jokes
                 (Includes 48 jokes and articles, 04 1038n,13,cif,wYT2d3e,5)

.........Click "Here" for Political-Supp3


Two Parties from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  GOP DeEvolution - Cartoon (S969 in Supp3)
.........................South Park "Let's Get Out and Vote" (S1032 in Supp2)
.........................Donald Trump Calls Madea - Video (S1032 in Supp3)
.........................Donald Trump and Little Donald - Video (S1015 in Supp3)
.........................Trump Sandwich - Sign (S1023)
.........................Dick on Third Rock Must Vote - Video (S1009 in Supp3)
.........................Donald Trump Children's Book - Video (S995 in Supp3)
.........................Jeff Dunham Politically Unbalanced - Video (S1008 - Supp3)
.........................Roseanne Confronts Her Representative - Video (S948-Supp3)
.........................Mallard Cartoons (S1018 in Supp3)
.........................Discovering Your Son's Career Path (S279, DU in Supp3)
.........................Donald Trump On Oprah In 1988 - Video (S984 in Supp3)
.........................Harry Truman's White House - Web Page (S995 in Supp3)
.........................Salesman Changes Parties (S62 in Supp3)
.........................Electing A President - Sign (S1013 in Supp3)
.........................Reagan Vs. Obama - Economics 101 - Video (S1020 in Supp3)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S1022 in Supp3)
.........................Beverly Hillbillies Tonic - Video (S1029 in Supp3)
.........................I Think My Dog's A Democrat - Video (S1032 in Supp3)
.........................
.........................Donald Trump Interviews Himself - Video (S974)
.........................MSNBC News Anchor Loses It On Air - Video (S913)
.........................Presidential Affairs (S90, S656)
.........................Non Sequitur Comic Strip (S970)
.........................Check Your Political Pulse - Video (S403)
.........................Republicans Have Two Presidential Candidates (S391, DU)
.........................Reflections of Great Minds on Government (S388, DU)
.........................Gary Condit Interview Quiz (S238, DU)
.........................Bert + Ernie = Bernie - Drawing (S997)
.........................How To Tell Republicans From Democrats: (S233, DU)
.........................B.C. Comic Strip (S927)
.........................Prerequisites For Modern Liberal Democrats (S159, DU)
.........................Trump Meets The Honeymooners (S1001)
.........................You Might Be A Republican If... (DU)
.........................Trump Urinal - Photo (S989)
.........................Bill Of No Rights (S77)
.........................Mallard Cartoons (S1010)
.........................Washington And His Men Seek Shelter
.........................Trumped Skit On Jimmy Kimmel Live (S1002)
.........................Building A Democrat
.........................Non Sequitur Cartoon (S999)
.........................Penis For President
.........................Sign From Stalin Quote (S453)

Also see BARBER file  - 'Bazarro Cartoon'
......................- 'Free Haircuts'
         BATHROOM-SUPP- 'Doonesbury On The Senator Craig Scandal'
         BEARS file   - 'Montana Bear Tragedy'
         BIRD-CHICKEN - 'Roosters And Bell Ringing'
......................- 'Why Did The Chicken...(Political_update)'
......................- 'Why Did The Chicken...(Political)'
         BLACK2 file  - 'Barack Obama Speaks at Dr. King's Church'
......................- 'Jesse Jackson Turns White'
         BREASTS file - 'Speech By Candidate'
         BUMPERSTICKRS- 'Election Bumper Stickers'
         CATHOLIC file- 'Kerry Contributes To Catholic Church'
         CHRISTMAS3   - 'Twas A Week Past Election.....'
         CHRISTMAS4   - 'Christmas Political Poem'
......................- 'Supreme Court Ruled On Nativity Scene'
         CHRISTMAS-SUP- 'How to Tell A Democrat From A Republican'
         CLINTON-HILRY- 'Hillary-Trump' - Sign
         CLINTONSCANDl- 'Lewinsky Kaczynski Limerick'
         CLOTHING-SUPP- 'The Problem with Socks By Barbara Bush' - Video
         COLLEGE1 file- 'College Student Talks To Her Dad'
         COLLEGE2 file- 'Speech By Charlton Heston at Harvard'
         CONDOM file  - 'US Sends Russia Condoms'
         COWS_SHEEP   - 'Cows And Politics'
......................- 'You Have Two Cows Vers. II'
         COWS_SHEP-SUP- 'Sheep Protest!' - Video
         DRINKING-BER1- 'Last 12,000 Years Of History'
.........DRINK-BER-SUP- 'What Your Beer Says About Your Politics'
         ENGLISHMAN   - 'The British Speak About Election 2000'
         ENGLISH-SUPP - 'America Britain Competition' - Sign
......................- 'Collective Nouns In The English Language'
         FACTS4 file  - 'How Lincoln And John F. Kennedy Were Alike'
         FARMER1 file - 'Joke From President Lincoln'
         FOOTBALL-SUPP- 'Mallard Fillmore' - Cartoon
         GAMES file   - 'Presidential Knock-Out'
         GAMES2 file  - 'White House Joust'
         HALLOWEEN    - 'Halloween Heads'
         HALLOWEEN-SUP- 'Gary Varvel Cartoons'
......................- 'Left-Wing Vs. Right-Wing Halloween'
         HEAD-ADS-SUPP- 'Ronald Reagan's Chesterfield Ads'
         HEAVEN2 file - '11th Commandment'
         HOOKER2 file - 'Jimmy Carter Picks A Hooker'
         HORSES file  - 'Father O'Malley Calls John Kerry'
......................- 'Pastor Finds Dead Donkey'
         HOW_MANY     - 'How Many Republicans to Change a Lightbulb?'
         JEWISH1 file - 'Jewish President Invites Mom For Thanksgiving'
         JEWISH2 file - 'Yiddish Curses For Republican Jews'
         JOB1 file    - 'Beating A Dead Horse'
         KIDS1 file   - 'Dad Explains Politics'
         LAWYER2 file - 'Roosevelt's Talk To His Son'
         LETTERS2 file- 'Dear Tide'
         FAMOUS-PEOPL1- 'Short Kennedy Jokes '
         MOVIES2-SUPP - 'A Scene From HBO's Series The Newsroom' - Video
         NATIONAL file- 'Chads by Dr. Seuss:'
......................- 'Picking A World Leader'
         NATIONAL2    - 'Social Security'
......................- 'What Time Is It?'
......................- 'The Future In Year 2035'
         NATIONAL-SUPP- 'George Carlin ~ The American Dream' - Video
         NATIVE AMERCN- 'Politician Visits Reservation'
         NEW YEARS    - 'To All My Democratic Friends:'
         PENIS-SUPP   - 'Federally Funded Penis Pumps On The Daily Show - Video
         POLIT-BUSH   - 'Three Politicians And The Firing Squad'
......................- 'Bush-isms'
         POLIT-CLINTON- 'Clinton Jogs By The Memorials'
......................- 'NY,NY'
         PLT-CLNTSCDL1- 'Four Presidents Visit Oz'
......................- (see whole file)
......................- 'Milk...'
         POLIT-OBAMA  - 'Vocal Impersonator Steve Bridges' - Video
         PREACHER file- 'Invocation In The Kansas Senate
         PREACHER-SUPP- 'The Preacher's Son'
         PRIEST3 file - 'Dinner Honors Priest's 25th Year'
         QUOTES2 file - 'Bush Quotes'
......................- 'Bush Quotes And Joke Journal'
......................- 'M. Barry Quotes'
         SCHOOL1 file - 'Marshall Ramsey Political Cartoons'
         SCHOOL-SUPP  - 'First Grade Teacher Explains Politics'
         SCOTTISH file- 'Scottish Farmer Saves A Boy'
         SHIT file    - 'Dan Rather Talks To Little Tommy On A Plane'
......................- 'Political Promises'
         SIGNS-SUPP   - 'Casa D'Ice Restaurant Signs'
         SOUTHERNER   - 'Democrat, Republican, or Southern Republican'
         TAXES-SUPP   - 'Senator Sanders' Top 10 Corporate Tax Avoiders:' - Video
         TEST-SUPP    - 'Two Tough Questions'
         THANKSGIV-SUP- 'Sarah Palin Pardons A Turkey'
......................- 'Sarah Palin Pardons A Turkey II'
......................- 'Carlson Political Cartoon'
......................- 'Ann Telnaes Political Cartoon'
         THGHTS-LRN-SP- 'Quotes By Abe Lincoln'
         THTS-SLY-SUPP- 'Politically Correct Phrases'

============================================================Top
Subj:     Donald Trump Interviews Himself (S974d)
          Created by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/c2DgwPG7mAA
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.......
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.......On the The Tonight Show before his interview with
.......Jimmy Fallon, Donald Trump interviews his "reflection"
.......in the mirror.  Click 'HERE' to view this great skit.
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Top
Subj:     MSNBC News Anchor Loses It On Air (S913d)
          Posted by UpWorthy.com
Photo from RebuildDemocracy.org...
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/gIcqb9hHQ3E

 MSNBC News Anchor Dylan Ratigan's transpartisan rant was
 something that could be equally appreciated by activists
 on the Left and the Tea Party Right.

 Click 'HERE' to see and listen to this all too true analysis
 of government.

Top
Subj:     Presidential Affairs (S90, S656)
          From: RFSlick on 98-10-19

  Boy if this is true our presidents are all the same,
  but of course we knew that.

  1.  Which president smoked marijuana with a nude playgirl
      while he joked about being too wasted to "push the
      button" in case of nuclear attack?

  2.  Which president allegedly had affairs with both a winner
      AND a finalist in the Miss America pageant?

  3.  Which president made love to one of his secretaries
      stretched out atop a desk in the oval office?

  4.  Which president allegedly had an affair (as well as
      children) with a slave who was his wife's half sister?

  5.  Which president called his mistress "Pookie"?

  6.  Which president married a woman who hadn't yet divorced
      her first husband -- and was branded an "adulterer"
      during his re-election campaign?

  7.  Which future president wrote love letters to his neighbor's
      wife while he was engaged to someone else?

  8.  Which president had a torrid affair with the first lady's
      personal secretary?

  9.  Which president made love to a young woman in a White
      House coat closet -- at one point, while a secret service
      agent prevented the hysterical first lady from attacking
      them?

 10.  Which president made love in a closet while telling his
      lover about the *other* president who made love in a
      closet (the one in Question 9)?

 11.  Which vice president was cheesed off because he felt that
      HIS record of sexual conquests was more impressive than
      the president's?

 12.  Which future president, while a college student, loved
      showing off his manhood (which he named "Jumbo")?

      --------------------------------------------------------

      ANSWERS

  1.  John F. Kennedy
  2.  Bill Clinton
  3.  Lyndon B. Johnson
  4.  Thomas Jefferson
  5.  Bill Clinton
  6.  Andrew Jackson
  7.  George Washington
  8.  Franklin D. Roosevelt
  9.  Warren G. Harding
 10.  John F. Kennedy
 11.  Lyndon B. Johnson
 12.  Lyndon B. Johnson

Top
Subj:     Non Sequitur Comic Strip (S970)
          By Wiley Miller on 3/27/2015
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2015/03/27
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Top
Subj:     Check Your Political Pulse (S403d)
          From: JOELFALLON on 10/15/2004
..........Source: (Removed from politicalpulse.us)

 In this cute flash video you can learn your political
 leaning.  Click 'HERE' for my copy, to try it.

Top
Subj:     Republicans Have Two Presidential Candidates (S391, DU)
          From: jerry on 7/26/2004

 News Item: Ralph Nader submits 5,400 signatures to get on the
 Michigan ballot, 24,600 short of the requirement.  Michigan
 Republicans then submit 43,000 signatures on his behalf knowing
 that Nader will siphon votes away from Kerry in the Presidential
 Election.

 ABC News

Top
Subj:     Reflections of Great Minds on Government (S388, DU)
          From: Imogenelumen on 6/22/2004

 (See "Quotations About Politicians" in Political2)
 
 1) Suppose you were an idiot.
    And suppose you were a
    member of Congress.  But I
    repeat myself............
    Mark Twain

 2) A government which robs
    Peter to pay Paul can always
    depend on the support of
    Paul................
    George Bernard Shaw

 3) A liberal is someone who
    feels a great debt to his
    fellow man, which debt he
    proposes to pay off with
    your money.............
    G.  Gordon Liddy 


 4) I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into
    prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying
    to lift himself up by the handle.........Winston Churchill

 5) The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing
    of the blessings.  The inherent blessing of socialism is
    the equal sharing of misery.......Winston Churchill

 6)  Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from
     poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor
     countries........Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton
     at Georgetown University

 7)  There is no distinctly native American criminal class, ,
     save Congress.......Mark Twain
 
 8)  The ultimate result of
     shielding men from the
     effects of folly is to
     fill the world with fools..
     Herbert Spencer, English
     Philosopher (1820-1903) 

 9)  Democracy must be something
     more than two wolves and a
     sheep voting on what to have
     for dinner..............
 James Bovard, Civil Libertarian(1994) 

 10) Giving money and power to government is like giving
     whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.................
     P.J O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

 11) Government is the great fiction, through which everybody
     endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else......
     Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

 12) Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a
     few short phrases:  If it moves, tax it.  If it keeps
     moving, regulate it.  And if it stops moving, subsidize
     it..........Ronald Reagan  (1986)

 13) What this country needs are more unemployed politicians..
     Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
 
 14) If you think health care
     is expensive now, wait
     until you see what it
     costs when it's free
     ..........P.J. O'Rourke 

 15) If you want government
     to intervene domestically,
     you're a liberal.  If
     you want government to
     intervene overseas, you
     are a conservative.  If
     you want government to
     intervene everywhere,
     you're a moderate.  If
     you don't want government
     to intervene anywhere,
     you're an extremist.....
     Joseph Sobran, Former
     Editor of the National
     Review(1995)

 16) Talk is cheap ... except
     when Congress does it.....
     Unknown 


 17) I don't make jokes.  I just watch the government and
     report the facts...............Will Rogers

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 9/14/2005 (S452b)
 17b) "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have
      the whole government working for you."  -- Will Rogers

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 12/19/2005 (S465b)
 17c "Politicians can do more funny things naturally than
      I can think of to do purposely"  -- Will Rogers

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/15/2006 (S474b)
 17d "If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the
      number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
        -- Will Rogers

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/6/2006 (S477b)
 17e "The trouble with political jokes is that very often
      they get elected."  -- Will Rogers

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/6/2006 (S485b)
 17f "The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips
      abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!"
        -- Will Rogers

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 8/9/2006 (S499b)
 17g "We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had
     to work its way through Congress. "  -- Will Rogers

 18) In general, the art of government consists in taking
     as much money as possible from one party of the citizens
     to give to the other.........Voltaire (1764)

 19) Just because you do not take an interest in politics
     doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you...
     Pericles (430 B.C.)

 20) No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the
     legislature is in session.....Mark Twain (1866)
 
 21) The government is like
     a baby's alimentary
     canal, with a happy
     appetite at one end
     and no responsibility
     at the other.........
     Ronald Reagan 

 22) A government big enough
     to give you everything
     you want, is strong
     enough to take every-
     thing you have.........
     Thomas Jefferson,
     Famous Revolutionary

 23) The only difference
     between a tax man and
     a taxidermist is that
     the taxidermist leaves
     the skin.......
     Mark Twain 

! 24)  They're all liars.........Bob  Thorne

Top
Subj:     Gary Condit Interview Quiz (S238, DU)
          From: KMACINTY on 8/24/2001

 The following quiz can be used to determine how closely you
 and yours paid attention to the Gary Condit-Connie Chung
 interview on TV:
 

 1. Gary Condit has been married ___ years.
    A. 34
    B. 43
    C. Because of a specific request by the Levy family,
       I'm not going to get into that.

 2. Gary Condit is not perfect, and has made mistakes
    in his life.
    A.  True
    B.  False
    C.  It all depends on what your definition of "perfect" is.

 3. Did Gary Condit kill Chandra Levy?
    A. No
    B. I've answered every question the police have asked.
    C. It all depends on what your definition of "kill" is.

 4. Gary Condit agreed to do his first interview with
    Connie Chung...
    A.  Because she is a tough, but fair interviewer.
    B.  Because she's a nationally known and well respected
        journalist.
    C.  Because Barney The Dinosaur wasn't available.

 5. "I've been married 34 years, but I've made mistakes. I'm
    not a perfect person." Gary Condit gave the preceding
    answer to which of the following questions:
    A.  "Did you have an affair with Chandra Levy?"
    B.  "Did you have an affair with Anne Marie Smith?"
    C.  "Would you like Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?"

 6. What were the last words Chandra Levy said to Gary Condit?
    A.  "Goodbye"
    B.  "I'm pregnant"
    C.  "Why don't you take that stupid watch case, drive
        across town, and throw it in a trash can some night
        when the cops are searching your apartment."

 7. Did Gary Condit have an affair with Chandra Levy?
    A.  "Because of a specific request from my family, I
        won't answer that question."
    B.  "Because of a specific request from the Levy family,
        I won't answer that question."
    C.  "Because of a specific request from the Partridge
        Family, I won't answer that question."

 8. The expression on Gary Condit's face during his
    interview suggested he was thinking about:
    A.  How much he wanted the interview to end.
    B.  How the interview might affect his chances for
        reelection.
    C.  How Connie Chung would look in a thong bikini.

 9. Gary Condit found out about Chandra Levy's disappearance:
    A.  When he got a call from the Levy family.
    B.  When he got a call from the police.
    C.  When he got a call from the hit man.

10. What were Gary Condit's constituents likely to have been
    thinking while watching the interview?
    A.  That he was a competent local elected official who'd
        been unfairly flung into the media spotlight.
    B.  That he was a prevaricating politician vainly trying
        to salvage his career.
    C.  That his barber should get 25 to life.

Top
Subj:     Bert + Ernie = Bernie (S997)
          From: Phyllis Lazarek on Facebook on 2/20/2016
 Source: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CbmYC6AUYAAMs0u.jpg
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Top
Subj:     How To Tell Republicans From Democrats: (S233, DU)
          From: agrief on 7/16/2001

 (See 'How To Tell A Democrat From A Republican' in CHRISTMAS-SUPP)

 Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere.
 Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

 Democrats give their worn out clothes to those less fortunate.
 Republicans wear theirs.

 Democrats name their children after currently popular sports
    figures, politicians, and entertainers.
 Republican children are named after their parents or
    grandparents, according to where the money is.

 Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there
    is seldom any reason why they should.
 Democrats ought to, but don't.

 Republican boys date Democratic girls.  They plan to marry
    Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a
    little fun first.

 Democrats make plans and then do something else.
 Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.

 Republicans sleep in twin beds--some even in separate rooms.
 That is why there are more Democrats.

 Politics:  It all really just boils down to this:

 Issue:

 Criminals:
 Democrats:  Give them a second chance.
 Republicans:  Give them the swift sword of death.

 The poor:
 Democrats:  Give them some food.
 Republicans:  Give them the swift sword of death.

 Endangered species:
 Democrats:  Give them protection.
 Republicans:  Give them the swift sword of death.

 Dictators:
 Democrats:  Give them a way out.
 Republicans:  Give them the swift sword of death.

 The uninsured:
 Democrats:  Give them health care.
 Republicans:  Give them the swift sword of death.

 *The cost:
 Democrats:  $9,000,000,000,000,000,000
 Republicans:  $29.95 (cost of one sword)

Top
Subj:     B.C. Comic Strip (S927)
          By Mastroianni and Hart on 11/4/2014
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/bc/2014/11/04
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Top
Subj:     Prerequisites For Modern Liberal Democrats (S159, DU)
          From: JCary on 02/16/2000

 To all of my Liberal friends, if you score less than 50%
 (true/false), you probably need to change your party
 affiliation!!

  1) You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by
     a lack of funding.
  2) You have to be against capital punishment, but
     for abortion on demand, in short you support
     protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.
  3) You have to believe that the same public school
     teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is
     qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
  4) You have to believe that trial lawyers are
     selfless heroes and doctors are overpaid.
  5) You have to believe that guns in the hands of
     law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than
     nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.
  6) You have to believe that global temperatures are
     less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the
     Sun, and more affected by SUVs.
  7) You have to believe that gender roles are
     artificial but being gay is natural.
  8) You have to believe that businesses create
     oppression and governments create prosperity.
  9) You have to believe that hunters don't care
     about nature but animal rights activists who've
     never been outside Seattle do.
 10) You have to believe that self-esteem is more
     important than actually doing something to earn it.
 11) You have to believe there was no art before
     federal funding.
 12) You have to believe the military, not corrupt
     politicians, start wars.
 13) You have to believe the free market that gives plus
     500+ channels can't deliver the quality that PBS does.
 14) You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it stands
     up for certain parts of the Constitution, while
     the ACLU is good, because they stand up for certain
     parts of the Constitution.
 15) You have to believe that taxes are too low but
     ATM fees are too high.
 16) You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar
     Chavez and Gloria Steinem are more important to
     American history than Thomas Jefferson, General
     Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
 17) You have to believe that standardized tests are
     racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
 18) You have to believe that second-hand smoke is
     more dangerous than HIV.
 19) You have to believe Hilary Clinton is really a
     lady and Rosie O'Donnell is not really a man.
 20) You have to believe that conservatives are
     racists, but that black people couldn't make it
     without your help.
 21) You have to believe that the only reason socialism
     hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because
     the right people haven't been in charge.

Top
Subj:     Trump Meets The Honeymooners (S1001)
          From: Karen LaRiviere on Facebook on 3/16/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/3XriXDtfqCg
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.......
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.............Click 'HERE' to see this cute skit.
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Top
Subj:     You Might Be A Republican If...
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #213 on 98-09-10

 You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if
 people were allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

 You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or
 ethnic minority here) friend"

 You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

 You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

 You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb
 the sons of bitches."

 You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Honey."

 You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you
 watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

 You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you
 accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

 You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball
 and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...

 You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western
 values."

 You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

 You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear
 ever attacks your home.

 Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

 You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of
 the end of racism in America.

 You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

 You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch"
 while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

 You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."

 You've ever called education a luxury.

 You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

 You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

 You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

 You're afraid of the "liberal media."

 You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well,
 tradition dictates...."

 You've ever called the National Endowment for the
 Arts a bunch of pornographers.

 You think all artists are gay.

 You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives
 in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want
 to contribute to society."

 You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by
 their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.

Top
Subj:     Trump Urinal (S989)
          From: Birgit Rickert on Facebook
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/danoramaproductions/photos/a.101509308
.........94568638.474907.106970368637/10153713929458638/?type=3?theater
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Top
Subj:     Bill Of No Rights (S77)
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-07-18

 (See 'Bill Gates' Message on Life' in JOBS3)
  and '12 Rules Kids Won't Learn In School' in SCHOOL2)

 The following was written by StateRepresentative  Mitchell Kaye
 from Cobb County, GA.

 We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to
 help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice,
 avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive
 behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to
 ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try
 one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guide-
 lines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and
 other liberal, bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-
 evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill
 of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights

 ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen
 TV or any other form of wealth.  More power to you if you can
 legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

 ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended.
 This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for
 everyone-not just you!  You may leave the room, turn the
 channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is
 full of idiots, and probable always will be.

 ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm.
 If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more
 careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and
 all your relatives independently wealthy.

 ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food  and
 housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found,
 and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly
 growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
 professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than
 the creation of another generation of professional couch
 potatoes.

 ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care.
 That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing,
 we're just not interested in health care.

 ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm
 other people.  If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or
 kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to
 see you fry in the electric chair.

 ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions
 of others.  If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or
 services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest
 of us get together and lock you away in a place where you
 still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a
 life of leisure.

 ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our
 children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your
 aching conscience.  We hate oppressive government and won't
 lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd
 like.  However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world
 and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each
 and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a
 funny hat.

 ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job.  All of us
 sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help
 you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
 advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational
 training laid before you to make yourself useful.

 ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness.  Being
 an American means that you have the right to pursue
 happiness-which by the way, is a lot easier if you are
 unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created
 by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

Top
Subj:     Mallard Cartoons (S1010)
          By Bruce Tinsley on 5/23/2016
 Source: http://comicskingdom.com/mallard-fillmore/2016-05-23
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Top
Subj:     Washington And His Men Seek Shelter
          From: RFSlick on 98-04-30

 Gen George Washington and his men had just finished a big
 battle and were tired and wounded.  They were walking for
 miles looking for a place to stay when they came upon this
 very small broken down shack.

 Gen. Washington asked the man who answered the door if he
 had room to help some of his men as they were tired and
 sick.  The man said, "As you can see I only have room for
 one man."  Washington picked out his most wounded man,
 Private Cox, to stay there.  He left with the rest of
 his men looking for another place.

 After walking for several miles more, they finally saw
 this big beautiful mansion on a hill and proceeded to the
 mansion.  Washington rang the bell and a beautiful woman
 came to the door, and asked him what he wanted.  Washington
 explained that he had just fought a terrible battle and
 that some of his men were wounded.  They were all tired
 and needed some shelter and a place to rest.

 The Madam explained that the place was actually a bordello,
 but that they would be happy to take in him and his men.
 In fact, she was excited about it. She said, "how many men
 do you have?  Washington answered, "About 99 men without Cox."

 The madam said.  "You gotta be kidding me!"

Top
Subj:     Trumped Skit On Jimmy Kimmel Live (S1002)
          Produced by Jimmy Kimmel Live on 3/3/2016
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/OemqVWi_R0k
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.......Click 'HERE' to see Matthew Broderick and Nathan
.............Lane star in this cute skit about Trump.
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Subj:     Building A Democrat
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #13

 A little boy was playing with a pile of shit, building
 things.  The Republican comes over and says, "Hey little
 boy, what are you building?"

 "I'm building a Democrat," the little boy answers.

 The Republican finds this totally hilarious, and calls
 over the nearest Democrat and dares him to ask the kid
 what he's doing. The Democrat complies.

 "So little boy, what are you doing?"

 "I'm building a Democrat," repeats the boy.

 "And why are you building a Democrat?" queries the Democrat.

 "Well, I don't have enough shit to make a Republican."

Top
Subj:     Non Sequitur Cartoon (S999)
         By Wiley Miller on 3/7/2016
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2016/03/07
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Subj:     Penis For President
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/31/97

 Tehran (Reuter) - For the past few weeks, the behind the
 doors discussion at many Iranian newspaper and magazine
 publishing outfits seems to be revolving not around political,
 social and economic issues, but the spelling of Bob Dole's
 name instead.  It turns out that the proper spelling of the
 Republican Party's likely nominee, Dole, is exactly the same
 as that of the word penis in Persian.  "At first it might
 seem funny to some people, but it's creatinga serious issue
 for us. How can we write headlines using that word?," said
 Majid Fanni, a prepress specialist at a Tehran service bureau.

 Professor Hassan Khadem, a Persian literature lecturer at New
 York University added "It's actually not a real problem.  In
 Persian, certain vowels are optional.  [Therefore] they could
 write his name a couple of different ways to avoid the
 ambiguity.  But for an exact pronunciation, 'Dowl' as opposed
 to 'Dol', well, they'd have to spell it that way." Fanni
 explained "It's not easy. In print, especially for headlines,
 we don't use [optional] vowel symbols.  Because of that, his
 name can be read in that way."

 International organizations are quite familiar and cognizant
 of these types of issues.  General Motors for example, spends
 over 300,000 dollars a year just researching car names to make
 sure they are not trade marked, as well as being acceptable in
 foreign countries.

 Ali Zarkoob, a grade school teacher in Western Tehran said
 "I'm sure kids will find it very funny.  The humor magazines
 will probably go crazy over it too."  A columnist for Tehran's
 Hamshahri daily who requested to remain anonymous stated  "It's
 a real problem that no one wants to face.  Think about it. What
 should we write if he wins? 'Clinton loses Presidency'?  That's
 not right. 'Penis wins US Presidency' isn't exactly acceptable
 either."

Top
Subj:     Sign From Stalin Quote (S453)
          From:  Anon Jr. 9/22/2005
 Source: (Removed from northernsun.com)
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.........................From Smiley_Central
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