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>>>
Subj:     Ship Jokes
                 (Includes 57 jokes and articles, 25 1023,28,cf,wYT2b,18)

          Click "Here" for Ships-Supp


Sailing Ship  from
Animated Cliparts
Includes the following:  Herman Cartoon (S743 in Supp)
.........................Paul Harvey's Story About A Barn - Video (S1023 in Supp)
.........................Gibbs Quadski - Ad (S938 in Supp)
.........................31 Funny Boat Names - Web Page (S910 in Supp)
.........................WaterCar Panther - Commercial Video (S884 in Supp)
.........................Water Of The Sea Quote (S909 in Supp)
.........................Oracle's Team USA - Video (S854 in Supp)
.........................Storing Cannon Balls (S274c, S760 in Supp)
.........................Boatlift, An Untold Tale of 9/11 Resilience - Vid(S767-Sp)
.........................The Seabreacher Sailfish - Video (S963 in Supp)
.........................
.........................Sailing Ship At Sunset - Painting (S935)
.........................Carrier - Landing on a Pitching Deck - Videos (S694)
.........................Woman Stowaway On Ship (S231, S870)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S632b)
.........................John's Boat (S347b)
.........................The Front Fell Off - Video (S672)
.........................An Alternative Retirement Home (S409b)
.........................Boat-Car - Video (S537c)
.........................Why A Ship Is Called "SHE" (S495b)
.........................Knowing When To Drop Anchor - Video (S910c)
.........................Ships Play Chicken (S24, S788)
.........................USS Montana - Video (S590)
.........................Blonde Boater (S145)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! II (S642b)
.........................What's Love (S135, S516c)
.........................Vintage Car Towing A Boat (S973)
.........................Japanese American Boat Race (S115)
.........................Elderly Lady w/Hat On Ship (S465b)
.........................If Noah Built The Ark Today.(S374b, S610c)
.........................A New Kind Of Truck - Video (S680)
.........................Elderly Couple On A Cruise Ship (S216)
.........................Military Ships In Rough Seas - Video (S724)
.........................Short Ship Jokes
..............................Painting Of A Spanish Galleon In Port (S882 in Supp)
..............................
..............................The New America's Cup Boats - BOR90 (S667)
..............................The Sea, Ships And Lighthouses - PPS (S661b)
..............................USS Independence, LCS-2 (S659b)
..............................Japan's Submersible I-400 Aircraft Carrier -PDF(S625c)
..............................Worlds Biggest Combustion Engine (S614c)
..............................Replica of Noah's Ark (S610b)
..............................Bad Musician On A Cruse Ship (S337b)
..............................Famous 1780 Warship Found (S595)
..............................Emma Maersk, A Container Ship (S598)
..............................A Titanic Cargo... (S130, S484c)
..............................Mystery Boat (S512)
..............................New Boat Paint
..............................USS New York (S500c)
..............................Battleships On Line - Game (S308b)
..............................The Tugboat Vs The Bridge (S485b)
..............................Sailing Wind Poem (S353b)
..............................Battleships - Game (S467)
..............................How Not To Dock Your Boat (S456)
..............................Iceberg From Top To Bottom (S436b)
..............................BC Comics on Naval Battles (S379)

Also see ACCIDENTS1   - 'Falling Cow'
         BAR-SUPP file- 'Old Lady At A Cruise Ship Bar'
         BIRD-PARROTS - 'Magician And The Parrot'
         CLINTON-SCAN2- 'Buying Titanic Or My Life'
         DRINKING file- 'Older Lady Has Drink On Ship'
         DRINKINGBEER1- 'Two Guys In Life Boat Find Genie'
         FACTS4 file  - 'Boeing Employees Go Rafting'
         FACTS5 file  - 'The History of Mayday'
         FISHING1 file- 'Twin Brothers Each Have A Loss'
         GOLF3 file   - 'Ed And Nancy Met On A Cruise Ship'
         HEAVEN2 file - 'Teacher, Garbageman, And Lawyer Go To Heaven'
         JEWISH1 file - 'A Rabbi And A Korean On A Plane'
         CHURCH file  - 'All I Need, I Learned From Noah's Ark'
         OTHER ANIMALS- 'Two Whales And A Fishing Boat'
         POLITICAL2   - 'Six Presidents On A Sinking Ship'
         PRIEST3 file - 'Rabbi, lawyer, ? Priest On A Ship'
         QUOTES-CMD-SP- 'Crazy World by Chris Rock'
         SHIT file    - 'Interesting Word Origin'
         STRANDED     -  (See whole file)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Sailing Ship At Sunset (S935)
          Painting by Ma Donna
 Source: http://freehdw.com/wallpaper/sail-by-sunset-77811.html
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Top
Subj:     Carrier - Landing on a Pitching Deck
          From: darrellvip on 4/4/2010 (S694d)
Photo from NorthropGrumman...

 These two outstanding videos are from F-18 carrier operations
 aboard the USS Nimitz.  During the operations bad weather causes
 a severely pitching of the deck.  It's more dangerous than most
 combat missions and the tension in the pilots and crew is very
 apparent.  Watch Part 1 first.  The videos are from the PBS
 documentary series "Carrier" - Rites of Passage on June 17, 2008

 Click on one of the given sources, or below for my copies, to
 watch these very unnerving, landings on a carrier with deck pitching
 30 feet, at night, with the planes running low on fuel.  You
 will never forget viewing these two videos.
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 Video #1
Source1a: http://www.youtube.com/embed/4gGMI8d3vLs
Source1b: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gGMI8d3vLs
Photo from YouTube
 Click 'HERE' to see these landing terrors.
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 Video #2
Source2a: http://www.youtube.com/embed/S0yj70QbBzg
Source2b: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0yj70QbBzg
Photo from YouTube
 Click 'HERE' to see the second half video of these landings.

Top
Subj:     Woman Stowaway On Ship (S231, S870)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #30
      and From: pns on 6/30/2001

 A depressed young woman from a Manhattan finishing school was
 so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing
 herself into the ocean.  When she went down to the docks, a
 handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her,
 and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for.  I'm off to
 Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away
 on my ship.  I'll take good care of you and bring you food
 every day."

 "Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and
 added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

 The girl nodded.  What did she have to lose?  That night,
 the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
 From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches
 and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until
 dawn.

 Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was
 discovered by the captain.

 "What are you doing here?" he asked. "I had an arrangement
 with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me
 to Europe, and every night he came and screwed me."

 "He sure did, lady," said the captain.  "This is the Staten
 Island Ferry."

Top
(S632b)
     by John Graziano on 2/17/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/02/17
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Top
Subj:     John's Boat (S347b)
          From: kmacinty on 9/26/2003

 Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of
 the bar counter with a great big smile on his face.  Dave
 says, "John, what are you so happy for?"

 Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my
 boat, just waxin my boat, and a redhead came up to me...
 boobies out to here, Dave.  Boobies out to here!"  "She says,
 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said 'Sure you can have
 a ride in my boat.'  So I took her way out, Dave. I turned
 off the key and I said It's either screw or swim!'  She
 couldn't swim, Dave.  She couldn't swim!

 The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at
 the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face.
 Dave says, "What are you happy about today John?"

 "Well Dave I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my
 boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to
 me...boobies out to here, Dave.  Boobies out to here!  She
 said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'  I told her 'Sure
 you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out,
 Dave.  Way out much further than the last one.  I turned
 off the key and I said, 'It's either screw or swim!'  She
 couldn't swim, Dave!  She couldn't swim!"

 A couple days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees John
 down there cryin' over a beer.  Dave says, "John, what are
 you so sad for?"

 "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin'
 my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable
 brunette came up to me...boobies WAY out to here, Dave.
 Boobies WAY out to here.  I had more wood than my boat
 does. She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'  So I
 said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.'  So I took
 her way out, Dave, way WAY out... much further than the
 last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her boobies
 and said It's either screw or swim!'"

 "She pulled down her pants and..... She had a dick, Dave!
 She had this great BIG fucking dick!........ and I can't
 swim Dave!  I can't fucking swim man!!!!!!"

Top
Subj:     The Front Fell Off (S672d in Australian)
          From: tom on 11/25/2009
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/photos/politics/frontfell.asp

 On 21 July 1991, the Greek tanker Kirki lost its bow off
 the coast of Western Australia (WA). During the incident
 and the subsequent tow of the tanker to a safe haven
 some 17,280 tons of light crude was lost.

 This video is a a comedy sketch from the early 1990s.
 John Clarke and Brian Dawe pretend to be Senator
 Collins, a member of the Australian Parliament, and
 an interviewer for Australian television in which they
 discuss this accident.

 Click 'HERE' to see this cute comedy skit.

Top
Subj:     An Alternative Retirement Home (S409b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 11/17/2004

 (Also see 'Nursing Home Alternative' in HOTEL)

 There will be no nursing home in my future........

 When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess
 Cruise Ship.  The average cost for a nursing home is $200
 per day.  I have checked on reservations at Princess and I
 can get a long term discount and senior discount price of
 $135 per day.  That leaves $65 a day for:

 1.  Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

 2.  I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle
     to the  restaurant, or I can have room service ( which
     means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

 3.  Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout
     room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

 4.  They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and
     shampoo.

 5.  They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient.
     An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff
     scrambling to help you.

 6.  I will get to meet new people every 7or 14 days.

 7.  T.V. broken?  Light bulb need changing?  Need to have
     the mattress  replaced?  No Problem!  They will fix
     everything and apologize for  your inconvenience.

 8.  Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even
     have to ask  for them.

 9.  If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you
     are on Medicare.  If you fall and break a hip on the
     Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the
     rest of your life.

 Now hold on for the best!  Do you want to see South America,
 the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or
 name where you want to go?  Princess will have a ship ready
 to go.  So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call
 shore to ship.

 P.S.  And don't forget, when you die, they just dump
 you over the side at no charge.

 Thanks Sherry

Top
Subj:     Boat-Car (S537c,dwmv)
          From: FunPike.com on 4/6/2007
 Source: (Removed from funpike.com)

 (See 'A New Kind Of Truck' in Cars-Supp2)

 You can view this beautuful boat-car in a WMV video
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Why A Ship Is Called "SHE" (S495b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/19/2006

 A ship is called "she" because there is always a great deal
 of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about',
 she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep
 her looking good;  it is not the initial expense that breaks
 you,  it is the upkeep;  she can be all decked out;  it
 takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and
 without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable.
 She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming
 into port, always heads for the buoys.

Top
Subj:    Knowing When To Drop Anchor (S910c,d)
         From: tom on 9/6/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/VLDnJE68y9w

 This six second video is funny and cute.  Hopefully no
 one was injured on the tug boat.  Click 'HERE' to view it.

Top
Subj:     Ships Play Chicken (S24, S526)
          From: gheckman on 11/10/2003
      and From: tom on 1/23/2012
 

 Actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval
 Operations, 10-10-95.

 Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the
            north to avoid a collision with us.
 Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees
            to south to avoid a collision with us.
 Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship.  I say
            again, divert your course.
 Canadians: No, I say again, you divert your course.
 Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE.  WE
            ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY.  DIVERT
            YOUR COURSE NOW!
 Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

 The above story is a Urban Legend as reported at
 http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthse.htm

Top
Subj:     USS Montana (S590d)
          From: gordonschuk on 5/2/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/x91iciAYcw0

 This video is an old classic joke redone as a short video.
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute, one minute joke.

Top
Subj:     Blonde Boater (S145)
          From: Anaise on 11/09/1999

 Blonde story to end all blonde stories!  A True Story....
 if she had killed herself -- God forbid -- she'd be a
 shoe-in for the Darwin Award.

 Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert,
 an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!),
 new to boating was having a problem.  No matter how hard she
 tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to
 perform.  It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very
 sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she
 applied.

 After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putt-putted
 over to a nearby marina.  Maybe they could tell her what was
 wrong.  A thorough topside check revealed everything was in
 perfect working order.  The engine ran fine, the outdrive went
 up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.

 So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check
 underneath.  He came up choking on water, he was laughing so
 hard.
 
 
 
 
 

 Under the boat, still strapped securely in place was the trailer.

Top
(S642b)
     by John Graziano on 4/24/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/04/24
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Top
Subj:     What's Love (S135, S516c)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 8/26/99
      and From: LABLaughs.com on 12/1/2006

 Two friends are discussing the possibility of love.  "I thought
 I was in love three times," one friend says.

 "How so?" his friend asks.

 "Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing
 to do with me."

 "Was that not love?" his friend asks.

 "No," he replies.  "That was obsession.  And then two years ago
 I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."

 "Was that not love?"

 "No," he replies. "That was lust.  And just last year I met a
 woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean.  She was smart,
 funny, and a great conversationalist.  And everywhere I followed
 her on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit
 of my stomach."

 "Was that not love?" his friend asks.

 "No," he replies.  "That was motion sickness."

Top
Subj:     Vintage Car Towing A Boat (S973)
          From: Dale Jenkins on Facebook on 8/25/2015
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/vintagecampertrailers/photos/
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Top
Subj:     Japanese American Boat Race (S115)
          From: RFSlick on 4/7/99

 The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a com-
 petitive boat race.  Both teams practiced hard and long to
 reach their peak performance.

 On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.
 Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss.
 Morale sagged.  Corporate management decided that the reason
 for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting
 firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended
 corrective action.

 The consultant's finding:  The Japanese team had eight people
 rowing and one person steering; the American team had one
 person rowing and eight people steering.

 After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the
 problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people
 were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.

 So as race day neared again the following year, the American
 team's management structure was completely reorganized.  The
 new structure: four steering managers, three area steering
 managers and a new performance review system for the person
 rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

 The next year, the Japanese won by two miles.  Humiliated,
 the American corporation laid off the rower for poor
 performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering
 the problem...

Top
Subj:     Elderly Lady w/Hat On Ship (S465b)
          From: DoctorDebt on 12/20/2005
 
An old lady was standing at the railing of the
cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it
would not blow away in the wind. 

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me,
madam.  I do not intend to be forward but did
you know that your dress is blowing up in this
high wind?" 

 "Yes, I know," said the lady.  "I need both my hands to hold
 onto this hat."

 "But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
 and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

 The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,
 "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old.  I just
 bought this hat yesterday!"

Top
Subj:     If Noah Built The Ark Today.... (S374b, S610c)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-06-01
      and From: jcary on 9/17/2008

 And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm
 going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with
 water and all the evil people are destroyed.  But I want to
 save a few good people and two of every kind of living thing
 on the planet.  I am ordering you to build an Ark."  In a
 flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an
 Ark.  "Okay", said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with
 the blueprints.  "Six months and it starts to rain," thundered
 the Lord.  "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn how
 to swim for a very long time!"

 And six months passed.

 The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.  The Lord
 saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping.  There
 was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?"  A
 lightning bolt crashed to the ground next to Noah. "Lord,
 please forgive me!" begged Noah.  "I did my best.  But there
 were big problems.  First I had to get a building permit for
 the Ark construction project and your plans did not meet code.
 So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans.  Then I got
 into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire
 sprinkler system.  My neighbors objected, claiming I was
 violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I
 had to get a variance from the city planning commission. Then
 I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because
 there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owls.
 But they would not let me catch any owls.  So no owls.  The
 carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.  I had to
 negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations
 Board before anyone would pick up a hammer or saw.  Now we
 have 16 carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls.  I
 started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal
 rights group.  They objected to me taking only two of each
 kind.  Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me
 that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environ-
 mental impact statement on your proposed flood.  They didn't
 take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdictions over
 the conduct of a Supreme Being.  The Army Corps of Engineers
 wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain.  I sent them a
 globe.  Right now I am still trying to resolve a complaint
 over how many Croatians I'm supposed to hire, the IRS has
 seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying
 taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from
 the State about owing some kind of use tax.  I don't think
 I can finish your Ark for another five years," Noah wailed.

 The sky began to clear.  The sun began to shine.  A rainbow
 arched across the sky.  Noah looked up and smiled.  "You
 mean you're not going to destroy the earth?"  Noah asked
 hopefully.  "Wrong! thundered the Lord.  But being Lord of
 the Universe has its advantages.  I fully intend to smite
 the Earth, but with something far worse than a flood. Some-
 thing man invented himself." "What is that?" asked Noah.
 There was a long pause, and then the Lord spoketh His Last
 Word: "Government."

Top
Subj:     A New Kind Of Truck (S680d in Cars-Supp2)
          From: allenbergman on 1/24/2010
          (See 'Boat-Car' in SHIPS)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/WuIMXn1w1PE

 This is a one badass custom truck-boat.  It has the rear
 end of a corvette. My wife saw this video and said she
 wanted one. Click 'HERE' to see this way cool video.

Top
Subj:     Elderly Couple On A Cruise Ship (S216)
          From: mbucher on 3/17/2001

 (Also see 'Wife Dies While Scuba Diving' in FISHING2)

 An elderly couple was on a stormy cruise.  They were standing
 on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came
 up and washed the old woman overboard.  The ship searched for
 days and couldn't find her. The captain sent the old man
 back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as
 soon as they found something.

 Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from
 the boat.  It read: Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your
 wife dead at the bottom of the ocean.  We hauled her up to
 the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster.  Inside the
 oyster was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise.

 The old man faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.

Top
Subj:     Military Ships In Rough Seas (S724d)
          From: darrellvip on 11/29/2010
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/4Nxeav0ivhM
 Source2: http://shock.military.com/Shock/videos.do?displayContent=219579

 This video is s sample of military ships during big seas,
 and is a tribute to all the brave seamen who sail the
 seven seas.  Click 'HERE' to see these huge monster waves.


Subj:     Short Ship Jokes

Top
Subj:     The New America's Cup Boats - BOR90 (S667)
          From: lubin100 on 10/14/2009
Photo from Wikipedia
 Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BMW_Oracle_Racing_90
 USA (formerly known as BMW Oracle Racing 90 or BOR90) is
 a 90 length-on-waterline (length overall of 100 feet),
 90-ft. beam sloop rigged one-off racing sail trimaran built
 by the USA sailing team BMW Oracle Racing for use in a
 Deed of Gift challenge for the 2010 America's Cup.  If
 court fights are won it will take place in February 2010
 off the coast of Ras al-Khaimah in the United Arab Emirates.

 Click 'HERE' to see these twelve photos of BOR90.  This is
 a the beautiful racing machine.
 

Top
Subj:     The Sea, Ships And Lighthouses - PPS
          From: darrellvip on 9/9/2009 (S661b)
 This PowerPoint Show is a series of pictures of the sea,
 ships and lighthouses in storms done with great back-
 ground music.  Click 'HERE' to see it.
 

Top
Subj:     USS Independence, LCS-2 (S659b)
          From: tom on 8/29/2009
Photo from en.wikipedia.org
 Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Independence_(LCS-2)
 USS Independence (LCS-2), the class prototype for the
 Independence-class littoral combat ship, is the sixth
 ship of the United States Navy to be named for the
 concept of independence.  Click 'HERE' to learn about
 this remarkable ship.
 

Top
Subj:     Japan's Submersible I-400
          Aircraft Carrier (S625c) - PDF
          From: rfslick on 1/2/2009
 Source1: http://rmhh.co.uk/files/files2/submarine_carriers.pdf
 Source2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I-400_class_submarine
 Source3: http://www.ww2pacific.com/i-400.html
 The Sen Toku I-400-class submarines of the Imperial
 Japanese Navy were the largest submarines of World War II,
 and remained the largest ever built prior to the development
 of nuclear ballistic missile submarines in the 1960s.  They
 were submarine aircraft carriers able to carry 3 Aichi M6A
 Seiran aircraft underwater to their destinations.  They were
 designed to surface, launch the planes then dive again
 quickly before they were discovered.  They also carried
 torpedoes for close range combat.  Description from Source2.
 Click 'HERE' to see this amazing PDF file.
 

Top
Subj:     Worlds Biggest Combustion Engine (S614c)
          From: darrellvip on 10/13/2008
..........Source: (Removed from vincelewis.net)
 The worlds biggest engine is the Wartsila-Sulzer RTA96-C.
 It is a turbo charged two-stroke diesel engine and it is
 the most powerful and efficient low revolution engine in
 the world today.  These large engines are designed to
 power the worlds super oil tankers and large container
 ships.  You can read this excellent article by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Replica of Noah's Ark (S610b,cf,md4,2)
          From: ginafm on 9/17/2008
Photo from Flickr.com...
 Source: (Removed from pbase.com and CBNnews)
 A working Replica of Noah's Ark opened in SCHAGEN,
 Netherlands.  You can see the photos, read the
 article, and see a video about this massive project
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Bad Musician On A Cruse Ship (S337b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 7/7/2003
 A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was
 having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band.

 Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time
 or I'll throw you overboard. . . . It's up to you, sync or
 swim."
 

Top
Subj:     Famous 1780 Warship Found (S595)
          By WILLIAM KATES,AP on 6/14/2008
..........Source: (Removed from news.aol.com)
 A 22-gun British warship that sank during the American
 Revolution has been discovered at the bottom of Lake
 Ontario, astonishingly well-preserved in the cold, deep
 water, explorers announced Friday.  You can read the
 article by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Emma Maersk, A Container Ship (S598)
          From: tom on 7/1/2008
 Source1: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_M%C3%A6rsk
 Source2: http://www.emma-maersk.com/photo/gallery/
 Emma Maersk is a container ship owned by the A. P. Moller-
 Maersk Group.  When she was launched, Emma Maersk was the
 largest container ship ever built, and as of 2008 the
 longest ship in use.  Click 'HERE' to read her story.
 

Top
Subj:     A Titanic Cargo... (S130, S484c)
          From: RWTmpkns on 7/24/99
      and From: sam.hutkins on 5/3/2015
 Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise
 was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying
 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz,
 Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship
 after its stop in New York.

 This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise
 ever delivered to Mexico.  But as we know, the great ship did
 not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank.

 The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were
 eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.
 Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day
 of Mourning.

 The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5 and is
 known, of course, as - Sinko De Mayo.
 

Top
Subj:     Mystery Boat (S512)
          From: darrell94590 on 11/14/2006
 This mystery boat pulled into Port of Ilwaco on the
 Washington State coast.  See what you can figure out
 from these eleven pictures.  Click 'HERE' to see it.
 

Top
Subj:     New Boat Paint
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 7/22/01
 Source: (Removed from members.nbci.com)
 The U. S. Navy is testing a boat paint, developed by
 Pittsburgh inventor Ken Fischer, that combines cayenne
 pepper oil (so hot it will blister fingers) with epoxy-
 based paint to give barnacles such pain that they will
 not attach to the bows of ships.
 [Independence Examiner-AP, 5-4-93] (283)
 

Top
Subj:     USS New York (S500c)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 8/14/2006
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/photos/military/ussnewyork.asp
 This is the true, moving story of the United States newest
 attack ship, built with 24 tons of scrap steel of the World
 Trade Center.  You can read the story and see the artist
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Battleships On Line (S308b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 12/22/2002
 Play Battleships on line against the computer at
 (Removed from http://www.ezines4all.com)
 

Top
Subj:     The Tugboat Vs The Bridge (S485b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/3/2006
..........Source: (Removed from koti.mbnet.fi)
 These are nineteen real pictures of an incident that took place
 at Rooster Bridge on the Tombigbee River in southwest Alabama
 in 1979, as captured by a photographer for the Linden Democrat-
 Reporter.  You can view them by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Sailing Wind Poem (S353b)
..........From: LABLaughs.com on 11/5/2003
 One ship drives east and another drives west
 With the selfsame winds that blow.
 'Tis the set of sails and not the gales
 Which tells us the way to go.
 

Top
Subj:     Battleships (S467d in Games-Supp)
          From: PrimaryGames.com on 12/29/2005
 Source: http://www.primarygames.com/puzzles/strategy/battleship/index.htm
 Cute 3D type Battleships.  You can play it by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     How Not To Dock Your Boat (S456)
          From: darrell94590 on 10/14/2005
          Source: (Removed from airmunn.com)
 You can view this picture by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Iceberg From Top To Bottom (S436b)
          From: darrell94590 on 5/31/2005
 To see an iceberg from top to bottom click 'HERE'.

 

Top
Subj:     BC Comics on Naval Battles (S379)
          By Mastroianni and Hart on April 30,2004
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/bc/2004/04/30


 
 

 The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue,
 Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world
 where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car
 driving under an airplane.

 Most boat owners name their boats. What is
 the most popular boat name requested?
 Obsession

 If your eyes are six feet above the surface of the ocean,
   the horizon will be about three statute miles away.

From: grs on 98-04-05 (S325b)
and From: giggle@aol.com on 4/19/2003
 Why is it that when you transport something by car,
 its called a shipment, but when you transport
 something by ship. its cargo?

 The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six
 inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #173 on 98-07-12
 Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair
 on the Titantic.

From: gheckman on 2/12/2002 (S264)
 Remember: Amateurs built the ark.
 Professionals built the Titanic.

From: LABLaughs.com on 5/25/2002 (S277b)
 Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his
 hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   -- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 2/16/2007 (S526b)
 "A ship is always referred to as "she" because it costs so
  much to keep one in paint and powder."  -- Chester Nimitz
 

From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 on 98-05-10
 Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
 A: A nervous wreck!

From: humorlist-digest V2 #195 on 98-08-23
 Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
 A: Sanka.

 Q: . . . and what kind of lettuce?
 A: Iceberg.

 Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
 A: A nervous wreck.

From: LABLaughs.com on 12/21/2002 (S308b)
 Q: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean
    with the Titanic?
 A: Half way.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/23/2004 (S409b)
 Q: How did the tugboat get AIDs?**
 A: It was rear-ended by a ferry.

From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/30/2007 (S546b)
 Q: What do you throw out when you want to use it,
    but take in when  you don't want to use it?
 A: An anchor

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........................From Smiley_Central
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