Subj: Stranded Jokes
(Includes 32 jokes and articles, 12965,12,cf,wXT2,3)
Also see GENIE file - 'Three
Stranded Women Find Genie'
......................- 'Three Blonds Find A Fairy'
GOLF1 file - 'Golfer Stranded On Island'
SCOTTISH - 'Scotsman Washed Ashore On A Island'
Subj: Two Boat - Land Cartoons (S831)
By Wiley Miller on 9/2/2011
From: Margo Merritt on Facebook on 6/4/2012
Given enough time, two cartoonists were bound to come up
with similar ideas. It's interesting to see how different
artists interpret and execute the same idea.
Subj: Two Lawyers On A Deserted Island (S835)
From: kgilmour2000 on 1/11/2013
Two lawyers had been stranded
on a desert island for several
months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree
that provided them their only food. Each day one of the
lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a
rescue boat coming...
One day the lawyer yelled down
from the tree, "WOW, I just
can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating
in our direction."
The lawyer on the ground was
most skeptical and said, "You're
hallucinating, you've finally lost your mind."
But within a few minutes, up
on the beach floated a stunningly
beautiful woman, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without
even so much as a ring or earrings on her person.
The two lawyers went down to
the water, dragged her up on the
beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing.
One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this God
forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such
a long, long time... So... do you think we should... well...
you know... Screw her?"
"Out of WHAT??" asked the other lawyer.
Subj: Frank And Ernest Cartoon (DU)
By Bob Thaves on 1/7/2010
Subj: Abe And Ester Stranded (S544b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/6/2007
Abe and Esther are flying to
Australia for a two-week
vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address
system, the captain
announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have
some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning
and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I
see an uncharted island below us and we should be able
to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we
may never be rescued and will have to live on the
island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight
crew, the plane lands
safely on the island.
An hour later, Abe turns to his
wife and asks, "Esther,
did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet"?
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash
landing, then asks,
"Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet"?
"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
"One last thing, Esther.
Did you remember to send checks
for the Visa and MasterCard this month"? he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abie," begged
Esther. "I didn't send that
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you kiss me"?
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
Subj: In the Bleachers Cartoon (S600c)
By Steve Moore on 7/13/2008
Subj: Stranded With Six Women (S519)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/1/2006
Perry fancied himself quite a
ladies man, so when his cruise
ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a
desert island with six women, he couldn't believe his good
They quickly agreed that each
woman would have one night a
week with the only man.
Perry threw himself into the
arrangement with gusto, working
even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months,
he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more
and more eagerly.
One afternoon he was sitting
on the beach and wishing for
some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a
man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves.
Perry swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little
jig of happiness. "You can't believe how happy I am to see
you," he cried.
The new fellow eyed him up and
down and cooed, "You're a
sight for sore eyes, too, you gorgeous thing!"
"Shit," sighed Perry, "there go my Sundays."
Subj: Strange Brew Cartoon (DU)
by John Deering on 3/6/2009
Subj: Jewish Doctor Stranded On Island (DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #48 on 98-02-19
A hurricane blew across the Caribbean.
It didn't take long
for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking
without a trace. There were only two survivors: the boat's
owner Dr. Eskin and its steward Benny who managed to swim
to the closest island.
After reaching the deserted strip
of land, the steward was
crying and very upset that they would never be found. The
other man was quite calm, relaxing against a tree.
"Dr. Eskin, Dr. Eskin, how can
you be so calm?" cried the
Benny. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll
never be discovered here."
"Sit down and listen to what
I have to say, Benny," began
the confident Dr. Eskin. "Five years ago I gave the United
Way $500,000. and another $500,000 to the United Jewish Appeal.
I donated the same amounts four years ago. And, three years
ago, since I did very well in the stock market, I contributed
$750,000. to each. Last year business was good, so the two
charities each got a million dollars."
"So what?" shouted Benny.
"Well, it's time for their annual
fund drives, and I know
they're going to find me," smiled Dr. Eskin.
Subj: Non Sequitur Cartoon II (S791)
By Wiley Miller on 3/7/2012
Subj: Stranded On Island With A Beautiful Woman (S115, S533)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-03
and From: darrell94590 on 4/5/2007
A rather inhibited engineer finally
splurged on a luxury
cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he
had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to
enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship,
capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer,
desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to
wash ashore on a secluded island.
Outside of beautiful scenery,
a spring-fed pool, bananas
and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope
and for hours on end, sat under same palm tree. He was
desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of
it. For the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut
juice and mostly looked to the sea mightily for a ship to
come to his rescue.
One day, as he was lying on the
beach stroking his beard
and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the
corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No,
from around the corner of the island came a rowboat. In
it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, or at
least seen in 4 months. She was tall, tanned, and her
blond hair flowing in the seabreeze gave her an almost
ethereal being. She spotted him also as he was waving
and yelling and screaming to get her attention. She
rowed her boat towards him.
In disbelief, he asked, "Where
did you come from, how
did you get here?"
She said, "I rowed from the other
side of the island.
I landed on this island when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he said, "I didn't
know anyone else had
survived. How many of you are there? Where, did you
get the rowboat? You must have been really lucky to
have a rowboat wash-up with you?"
"It is only me," she said, "and
the rowboat didn't
wash up, nothing else did."
"Well then", said the man, "how did you get the rowboat?"
"Well, I whittled the oars from
gum tree branches, wove
the reinforced gunnel from palm branches, and made the
keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, what did you use for tools?" asked the man.
"There was a very unusual stratum
of alluvial rock
exposed on the south side of the island. I discovered
that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln,
it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's
how I got the tools. But, enough of that," she said.
"Where have you been living all this time? I don't see
At this man was forced to confess
that he had been
sleeping on the beach. "Would you like to come to my
place?" the woman asked. The engineer nodded dumbly.
She expertly rowed them around to her side of the
island, and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of
handwoven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They
walked up a winding stone walk she had laid and around
a Palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow painted
in blue and white. "It's not much, but I call it home."
Inside, she said, "Sit down please; would you like to
have a drink?"
"No, thanks," said the man. "One
more coconut juice and
I'll throw up!"
"It won't be coconut juice,"
the woman replied. "I have
a crude still out back, so we can have authentic Pina
Trying to hide his amazement,
the man accepted the drink,
and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had
exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you
always had a beard?"
"No," the man replied, "I was
clean shaven all of my
life until I ended up on this island."
"Well if you'd like to shave,
there's a razor upstairs
in the bathroom cabinet."
The man, no longer questioning
anything, went upstairs
to the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-
shell device honed razor sharp. Next he showered --
not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she
managed to get warm water into the bathroom -- and
went back downstairs. He couldn't help but admire the
masterfully carved banister as he walked. "You look
great," said the woman. "I think I'll go up and slip
into something more comfortable."
As she did, the man continued
to sip his Pina Colada.
After a short time, the woman, smelling faintly of
gardenias, returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned
out of pounded palm fronds. "Tell me," she asked,
"we've both been out here for a very long time with no
companionship. You know what I mean. Haven't you
been lonely, too... isn't there something that you
really, really miss?
Something that all men and woman
need? Something that
would be really nice to have right now!"
"Yes there is!" the man replied,
shucking off his
shyness. "There is something I've wanted to do for so
long. But on this island all alone, it was just...
well, it was impossible."
"Well, it's not impossible, any more," the woman said.
The man, practically panting
in excitement, said
breathlessly: "You mean... you actually figured out
some way we can CHECK OUR EMAIL HERE!!??!!"
Subj: Worrying About Carl (S405b)
From: DafterLafter on 10/20/2004
Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
Subj: Five Guys And A Gal Stranded On Island (594b)
From: darrellvip on 6/9/2008
There is this ship that goes
out to sea and crashes. 6 people
(1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to
a deserted island.
After spending several weeks
on the island, they all begin to
get really lonely, sexually deprived lonely. So they come to
this agreement: Each man will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, then the second man has
her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting
sex and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man
gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex
whenever she wants with a different man every week.
Well, a few weeks into the fifth
year, the woman dies!!!! The
first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty
bad, the third week it's getting worse, the fourth week things
are just bad, really bad, the fifth week it is just awful, it's
getting so bad, soooooo... on the sixth week......
They bury her.
Bawdy.Net Collage #86
An aircraft crash landed on an
uninhabited desert island. 200
men and one air hostess survived.
As you can imagine, one female
between 200 men caused a bit of
a problem. Anyway, after a fortnight, the air hostess killed
herself because she was sickened by what she was doing.
After another fortnight, the
men buried her because they were
sickened by what they were doing.
After yet another fortnight,
they dug her up again because
they were sickened by what they were doing...
Subj: Non Sequitur Cartoon (DU)
By Wiley Miller on 3/21/2009
Subj: Stranded On Island With Natives (DU)
(also see 'Bar Contest For Jar Of Tens' in BAR2)
A ship out in the middle of nowhere sinks.
There is only one survivor.
He floats for days on a plank
of wood, a canteen of water his only saviour from certain
dehydration. But the day finally arrived where he ran out
of this precious liquid. He knew he was finished. His wife
and daughter were the only things he could think of, he
wouldn't see them again, and vice-versa.
The day finally came, he could
barely see, he couldn't feel
his tongue, his nose had no feeling the salt had killed his
sense of smell, he was practically dead.
He then saw a blur. This
blur had no meaning to him, but it
somehow intrigued him. With life he didn't know he still
had in his body he paddled toward the blur. He paddled and
paddled and paddled and the blurr got bigger. When he got
to the blur he could feel wet sand under his fingers and
toes and knew it was an island. There were three darker
blurs farther up the sand.
He crawled and crawled closer
and closer to the dark forms.
When he got to the first form he could only see its silhouette
next to him. He still didn't know what it was, but it had
a horrid smell. He eyes opened and pain speared through his
head. He raised his hands to shield out the sun. It was then
when he saw the source of the smell, three bloody carcuses lay
on the ground in front of him. His stomach churned but there
was nothing in it.
He then felt someone or something
on either side of him. They
were two short people who wore feathers. They dragged his dying
body through endless brush for what seemed like an eternity.
He was pushed to the ground in front of a man in a throne who
wore a giant head dress made of many various animals. The man
stood and walked down to the survivor, and began to speak.
This surprised the survivor because he spoke in english.
`On any other occasion you would
have been eaten before you
awoke, but today's your lucky day. It's my birthday, so you
have the chance to survive by passing a simple test which is
in three parts.'
`Well....what are they?'
Said the survivor his voice course
At that moment the chief grunted,
and everyone cheered. The
survivor was then picked up and moved through the foliage.
They all stopped in front of three huts. It was here where
he was dropped. The chief walked up to him and began to speak.
`The first hut has two kegs of rum inside it, we found it on
the shore 2 moons ago. You must drink every drop of it.' The
survivor nodded. `The next hut,' continued the chief, `has a
wild male lion in it, we do not know how it got here but it
has a lose tooth and you must remove it, but the lion is not
under any anesthetic or drug,' the survivor nods again, but
also breaks out in a cold sweat, `and the third hut has my
daughter in it, she 216 moons or, as you would say, 18 years
old and she is also a virgin. You are to `consent' with her,
or as some people in your culture say "Make her a...woman".
Got it?' Concluded the chief.
`Yes' Came the rough reply, he
didn't want to but he had no
other choice. The chief grunted and everyone cheered. The
survivor was lead to the door of the first hut and he walked in.
Two days later and nothing has
happened. Everyone, including
the chief, didn't know what has happened to this survivor.
Eventually the chief had become impatient, so he ordered a
native to go and see what was happening.
This native had walked about
five meters when he stopped dead
in his tracks. A weary hand had reached out of the hut and
was clawing at the ground. That hand was soon followed by
the arm, the other arm and finally the whole body crawled out
on its stomach. Slowly the survivor lifted his head and smiled.
At that point he used all the strength he could muster to stand
up. Everyone jumped at the sight of his face in full view. It
was bright red. His cheeks were flustered, his nose was a shiny
red, and his eyes seemed to twirl and spin inside his head. He
took a deep breath. `Wheresss da next hut!' He slurred, the
effort it took him say those words knocked him off balance and
he staggered in all directions, he was caught by two natives
just before he fell to the ground. They kept him up and started
walking towards the second hut, but stopped five meters away from
the dark entrance where an ominous shadow could be seen inside.
The two natives looked at each other, and agreed on something,
then suddenly they raised the survivor above their heads and
through him into the hut and ran in the other direction.
The next ten seconds of complete
silence felt like an eternity,
and nearly every native there thought, `Grunt, grunt-grunt-groan,
squel, snort, aecchh, pop!' which ruffly translates to `What, he
dead by lion already!'. But those thoughts were suddenly answered
when the hut exploded. It was sent ten meters up into the air,
the lions roar was heard all over the island.
When the hut landed the noise
continued, roars could be heards,
screams burst from the hut, cloth was torn, flesh was shredded,
blood was curdled, then one final scream and it stopped as
abruptly as it began. The surivor fell out of the second hut's
door. His right arm, from the back of his hand to his elbow had
the bone exposed. His other arm wasn't much better off. The
chief noticed that the left hand was moving very tentively as if
the survivor had something wrong with his fingers. As he
continued to look he noticed that the main nuckle of the ring
finger had swollen to a size if an egg. Then he saw why, even
though the survivors palm was face up, you could see the nail of
his ring finger. Somehow the finger had been twisted a complete
180 degrees at the main knuckle.
The survivor crawled out a bit
more and looked up. The whole
left side of his face was a dark red. His nose bled, so did his
mouth in numerous places. His clothes were blood stained and
torn, his chest was red, except for several white strips which
went across his body, and were in fact his ribs. And his legs
looked just like his arms just with a more blood.
The survivor looked up again
and stared the chief in the eyes.
The survivors lungs gargled as he took a breathand he asked,
`Where is the lady with the loose tooth?!'
Subj: The Flying McCoys Cartoon (DU)
by Glenn and Gary McCoy on 1/26/2010
Subj: Stranded With Claudia Schiffer (DU)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #30
This guy has been stranded on
this deserted island for about
three weeks. One morning he awakes to find this gorgeous
lady washed up on shore, bruised and battered and slightly
worse for wear.
He takes her to his shelter and
feeds her and nurses her
back to health and in the process of this he notices that
this lady is in fact Claudia Schiffer. After she has fully
recovered the man and Claudia fall in love and eventually
after many weeks of long hot nights together they are making
wild passionate love regularly.
After a few months of this Claudia,
still feeling indebted
to the man for rescuing her and nursing her back to health
says, "Is there anything else that I can do to please you
apart from all of the things that we have been doing for the
past few months?"
He says "Well there is one thing
that you could do." "What's
that?" she replies. The man says, "Well I would like if you
would dress up as a man."
"Really?" she says with a puzzled
look on her face but she
goes away and proceeds to honour his request. She makes a
fake moustache, gets on old pair of raggedy pants and cuts
her hair really short and generally makes herself look like
She then goes up to the guy and
says, "Well, what do you
think, do I look like a man?" He says, "Yes you do, that's
She says, "Now what?" and he
goes, "Just turn around and
walk away from me down the beach." She does this, walking
down the beach away from the guy. The guy then chases after
her, grabs her arm and says, "Hey mate, hey mate, guess who
Subj: Man Stranded With His Dog (S198, S426b)
From: ipkis on 97-07-18
and From: JCary on 11/16/2000
A man and his dog are shipwrecked
onto a deserted island.
After a few days he decides to reconnoiter the island. He
discovers that the only other inhabitants are sheep. He
recalls how his farm buddies would brag how they would
screw sheep for kicks and he says to himself: "I'll never
be that desperate." Sooooo, a few days later he can't get
those sheep out of his mind, and soon he's sneaking up on
the flock. Just as he is about to pounce on a really cute
one, the dog grabs his leg and won't let go. He snaps to
and thanks the dog for keeping him from making a fool of
This same scene happens every
night for a month and the guy
is really getting pissed at the dog. Suddenly one day, the
man spies a life raft bobbing in the surf. In the raft is
a beautiful young girl, half dead but alive. He takes her
back to his hut revives her and nurses her to health. After
a few days the girl is feeling fine and that evening a rush
of gratitude sweeps over her. She confronts the man:
"I owe you my life. I'm yours
forever. I'll do anything
"OK, hold that dog for ten minutes!!!"
Subj: Non Sequitur Sunday Comic Strip (S965)
By Wiley Miller on 7/1/2015
...........Click 'HERE' to find out how he escaped.
Subj: Man And Wife Stranded On Deserted Island (DU)
From: Octagon999 on 97-11-12
A man and his wife had been stranded
on a deserted island
for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new
guy washes up on the shore.
The new guy and the wife are
VERY attracted to each other
right away, but they realize that certain protocols will
have to be observed. The husband, oblivious to the
pheremones floating around, is very glad to see the second
man there. "This is wonderful! Now we'll be able to have
three people doing 8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead
of two people doing 12-hour shifts." The new man is only
too happy to help, and in fact volunteers to do the first
shift. He climbs up the tall tower and stands watch,
scanning the ocean horizon for any ships. Soon the husband
and wife start placing stones in a circle in order to make a
fire to cook supper.
The new man yells down: "Hey, no screwing!"
They look at each other and yell back: "We're not screwing!"
A few minutes later, they start
to put driftwood into the
Again the new man yells down: "Heeey, no screwing!"
Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!"
Later they are putting palm leaves
on the roof of the shack
to patch leaks. Once again the new man yells down from
high above: "Hey, I said no screwing!!"
They yell back, "And we said we're not screwing!!"
Finally the shift is over and
the new man climbs down from
the tower and the husband starts to climb up. By the time
he gets half-way up, his wife and the new man are already
screwing their brains out. Once at the top, the husband
turns around and looks down and says to himself:
"Son-of-a-gun. From up here it
DOES look like they're
Subj: The Seven Deadly Sins Of Gilligan's Island (DU)
From: Amy's Humor Archive on 06/27/97
The Seven Deadly Sins of Gilligan's
Island theory is quite
simple. Each of the seven characters on the island represents
each of the seven deadly sins. Now, this theory seems to fit
upon initial inspection, there are technical difficulties when
you get down to THE MAN himself, Gilligan.
Run with me on this one...
Most obvious is the Professor,
who fits PRIDE to a T. Any man
who can make a ham radio out of some wire and two coconuts has
to be pretty cocky. (His character was later revised and given
a series of his own, called MacGuyver".)
For the sin of ENVY we need look
no further than Maryann, who
may have worn those skimpy little tops, but could never achieve
Ginger's glamour. (As an interesting and completely irrelevant
side note, a nationwide survey of college students a few years
ago revealed that the professor and Maryann were voted the most
likely couple to have 'done it' on the island.)
And who could doubt for a moment
that Ginger is LUST incarnate?
Sure, the kids were supposed to think she was ACTING, but we
all know what being deprived episode after episode was doing to
her. You know and I know that glazed look wasn't boredom, my
What kind of person takes a trunk
full of money on a three-hour
cruise? Mr. Howell gets my vote for GREED.
We are now left with three characters
and three Deadly Sins. We
have Gilligan, the Skipper and Mrs. Howell to whom we must match
GLUTTONY, SLOTH and ANGER. As you can see, there is a Gilligan
problem here. Certainly we can further eliminate Mrs. Howell
from this equation by connecting her with SLOTH. She did jack
shit during her many years on the island and everybody knows it.
This leaves ANGER and GLUTTONY,
either of which the Skipper had
no shortage. He was, after all, a big guy with the tendency to
hit Gilligan with his hat at least once an episode. After much
consideration, I have decided that he can easily do double-duty,
covering the two remaining Deadly Sins.
So here we have the Seven Deadly
Sins trapped in an endlessly
recurring Hell of hope followed by denial and despair, forced
to live with each other in our TVs until the last re-run ends.
And who is their captor? What keeps them trapped there?
Gilligan is SATAN. Think about it.
Subj: Andy Capp Comic Strip (DU)
By Reg Smythe on 12/27/2008
Subj: Short Stranded Jokes
Free Range Cartoon (S652)
By Bill Whitehead on 7/10/2009
Hagar Comic Strips (S610c)
by Chris Browne on 9/19/2008
Subj: Stranded On A Purple Island (S161, S563c)
From: smiles on 01/15/2000
A guy get`s shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he`s on a beach.
The sand is purple. He can`t believe it. The sky is purple.
He walks arond a bit and sees that there is purple grass,
purple birds and purple fruit on the purple trees. He`s
shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn
"Oh no!!" he says, "I think I`ve
From: Zackit Vallejo Electronics on
The only person
Got all the work
Done by Friday
Was Robinson Crusoe.