Subj: Tax-Supp Jokes
(Includes 30 jokes and articles, 14 1005,14,cf,wXT,13)
Tax Time2 from
Subj: Frank And Ernest Cartoon II (S741)
By Bob Thaves on 4/15/2011
Subj: Bringing Your Lawyer To The IRS (S502)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/30/2005
(See 'Little Old Lady Meets Bank President' in Elderly2)
The IRS decides to audit Ed,
and summons him to the IRS
office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ed shows
up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir,
you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain
by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS
finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can
prove it," says Ed. "How
about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ed says, "I'll bet you a thousand
dollars that I can bite
my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and
says, "No way! It's a bet."
Ed removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw
Ed says, "Now, I'll bet you two
thousand dollars that I
can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Ed isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ed removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes
he has wagered and lost
three grand, with Ed's attorney as a witness. He starts
to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?"
Ed asks. "I'll bet you
six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your
desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side,
and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is
cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage
that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ed stands beside the desk and
unzips his pants, but although
he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all
over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing
that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ed's attorney
moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney.
"This morning, when Ed
told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty
thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all
over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about
Taxman -- George Harrison And Eric Clapton (live)
From: Ruby Stanley on Facebk on 4/25/10 (S692d, S824)
Live in Tokyo, Japan in 1966,
it's George Harrison and Eric
Clapton. Two names that, said together, echo greatness
through out the world. Click 'Here' to see this concert.
Subj: Our Tax System Explained in Terms of Beer (S613c)
From: tom on 10/8/2008
Using actual percentages, the
impact of a tax cut, and the
public reaction that everyone should be able to understand.
Suppose that every day, ten men
go out for beer and the bill
for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way
we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest)
would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided
to do. The ten men drank in
the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement,
until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are
all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the
cost of your daily beer by $20. "Drinks for the ten now cost
The group still wanted to pay
their bill the way we pay our
taxes, so the first four men were unaffected. They would
still drink for free. But what about the other six men -
the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 wind-
fall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided
by six is $3.33. But if
they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the
fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid
to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it
would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the
same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts
each should pay.
And so -
The fifth man, like the first
four, now paid nothing
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 ( 22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off
than before. And the
first four continued to drink for free. But once
outside the restaurant, the men began to compare
"I only got a dollar out of the
$20," declared the
sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got
"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed
the fifth man. "I
only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got
ten times more than I!"
"That's true!!" shouted the seventh
man. "Why should
he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get
all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute," yelled the first
four men in unison.
"We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits
The nine men surrounded the tenth
and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks,
so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But
when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered
something important. They didn't have enough money
between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists
professors, is how our tax system works. The people
who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from
a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for
being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.
In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the
atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia
For those who understand, no
explanation is needed.
For those who do not, or will not, understand, no
explanation is possible.
Snopes.com only checked the authorship
of this internet
article and found that David Kamerschen was NOT its author.
No one knows who originally wrote it as verified at
Subj: Frank and Ernest On Tax Returns (S581c)
By Bob Thaves on 3/7/2008
Subj: A Letter To Our Senator (S500)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/17/2006
Dear Senator ,
As a native Californian and excellent
customer of the Internal
Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I
have contacted the immigration and Naturalization Service in
an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal
alien and they referred me to you.
My reasons for wishing to change
my status from U.S. Citizen
to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed
by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding
of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien
who has been in the United States for five years, what I
need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
income taxes for three of the last five years.
I know a good deal when I see
one and I am anxious to get
the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply
put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding
two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is
there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
This would yield an excellent result for me and my family
because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Another benefit in gaining illegal
status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to
her law school applications.
If you would provide me with
an outline of the process to
become illegal retroactively if possible) and copies of the
necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you
for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Subj: New Taxes In The Last 100 Years (S348)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 9/16/2003
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
Capital Gains Tax
CDL license Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Court Fines (indirect taxes)
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax Interest expense (tax on the money)
Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Local Income Tax
Marriage License Tax
Real Estate Tax
Septic Permit Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Road Toll Booth Taxes
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Toll Bridge Taxes
Toll Tunnel Taxes
Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
Trailer registration tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
COMMENT: Not one of these taxes
existed 100 years ago and
our nation was the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely
no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world and
Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What the hell happened?
Senator Sanders' Top 10 Worst
.............Corporate Income Tax Avoiders: (S763d)
From: lubin100 on 8/28/2011
Bernie Sanders, U.S. Senator
for Vermont, on March 30,2011
before the Senate, listed the ten worst corporate income
tax avoiders in the United States.
Benicia's own Valero Energy was
sixth on Sanders' list. It
was the 25th largest company in America with $68 billion in
sales last year received a $157 million tax refund check
from the IRS and, over the past three years, it received a
$134 million tax break from the oil and gas manufacturing
tax deduction. Valero donates thousands of dollars in
Benicia and the Bay Area while avoiding paying any federal
tax, reduced their property tax by $350 thousand per year
and pay only 4% user utility tax versus 10% that Chevron pays.
"We have a deficit problem. It
has to be addressed," Sanders
said, "but it cannot be addressed on the backs of the sick,
the elderly, the poor, young people, the most vulnerable in
this country. The wealthiest people and the largest corpor-
ations in this country have got to contribute. We've got to
talk about shared sacrifice."
to see Sanders' four and a half minute speech
before the Senate.
Subj: Man Goes To Priest With Business Problems (S126b)
From: ossama on 98-05-13
and From: Bawdy.Net Collage #310 on 6/27/99
A man had been in business for
many years and his business was
going down the drain and was full of debt. He was seriously
contemplating suicide and he didn't know what to do. He went
to his Priest to seek advice. He told the Priest about all of
his problems in business and asked the Priest what he should do.
The Priest said "Take a beach
chair and a bible and put them in
your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the
water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it
and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will rifle the
pages for a while and eventually the Bible will stay open at a
particular page. Read the Bible and it will tell you what to do."
The man did as he is told. He
placed a beach chair and a Bible
in his car and drove down to the beach. He sat on the chair at
the water's edge and opened the Bible. The wind rifled the pages
of the Bible and then stopped at a particular page. He looked
down at the Bible and knew immediately what he had to do.
Three months later the man and
his family came back to see the
Priest. The man was wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, his wife was
all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the child was
dressed in beautiful silk. The man handed the Priest a thick
envelope full of money and told him that he wants to donate
this money to the church in order to thank the Priest for his
wonderful advice. The Priest was delighted. He recognizes the
man and asked him "You did as I suggested?" he asked.
"Absolutely," replied the businessman.
"You went to the beach?"
"You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?"
"You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"
"And what were the first words you saw?"
The man replies: "Chapter 11."
(In American Law, Chapter 11 refers to declaring backruptcy.)
Subj: Man Massages Person In Bank Line (S220)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #280 on 98-11-28
and From: thebartend on 4/13/2001
In a long line of people waiting
for a bank teller, one guy
suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front
of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just
what the hell you are doing?"
"Well," said the guy, "you see,
I'm a chiropractor and I
could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back.
Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!"
"That's the stupidest thing I've
ever heard!" the guy replied.
"I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front
Subj: Dennis The IRS Menace (S724)
By Ward Sutton, From: Tea Party Comics
in Funny Times on November 2010
Cartoonist Ward Sutton created
an Internet sensation with
the Boston Globe's publication of his Tea Party Comics, a
satiric look at America's comic-page stalwarts, with a
Subj: The Truth About Taxes (S95)
From: pac_navigator on 98-11-23
The Gettysburg address is 269
words, the Declaration of
Independence is 1,337 words, and the Holy Bible is only
773,000 words. However, the tax law has grown from 11,400
words in 1913, to 7 million words today.
There are at least 480 different
tax forms, each with many
pages of instructions. Even the easiest form, the 1040E
has 33 pages in instructions, and all in fine print.
The IRS sends out 8 billion pages
of forms and instructions
each year. Laid end to end, they would stretch 28 times
around the earth.
Nearly 300,000 trees are cut
down yearly to produce the
paper for all the IRS forms and instructions.
American taxpayers spend $200
billion and 5.4 billion hours
working to comply with federal taxes each year, more than
it takes to produce every car, truck, and van in the United
The burden of compliance is the
equivalent to a staff of 3
million people working full time for a year, just to comply
with the taxes on individuals and businesses.
The IRS employs 114,000 people;
that's twice as many as the
CIA and five times more than the FBI.
60% of taxpayers must hire a
professional to get through
their own return.
Taxes eat up 38.2% of the average
family's income; that's
more than for food, clothing and shelter combined.
Subj: Interactive Taxes Software (S62)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #87 on 98-04-09
Hello! Welcome to Taxtime, your
Interactive Tax Preparer
Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?
I see. Well, don't you
think you should do them anyway?
After all, it is April 9th. You have less than 7 days to
file. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a refund.
That's the spirit! Let's
begin with your name, address,
and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce.
But don't let it get you
down -- That alimony deduction will come in mighty handy
in these tough financial times!
Please don't cry. The economy's
bound to bounce back. In
the meantime, let's talk about dependents. Do you have
Wow! I hope they're not all in
college. Do you have any
Sorry. You can't deduct
your dog, even if she is your
only friend. I agree. The IRS is unreasonable. But let
us move on to income. What were your wages in 1997?
You are having a bad go of it,
aren't you? But at least
you're getting the Unemployment Benefits max. I'm afraid
your Unemployment Benefits are taxable. The government
giveth and the government taketh away. Hey, don't blame
me! I'm just the messenger. Anyway, did you have any
interest or dividend income or capital gains?
Your spouse got everything, huh?
Well, look on the bright
side. If you don't earn it, they can't make you pay taxes
on it. Please don't exit. It was just a joke. I don't
suppose you were able to sock anything away into an IRA?
I didn't mean to insult you; I'm just doing my job. They
make me ask about IRAs and Keogh Plans too. Okay, okay.
I get the point. You're broke. So let's go over your
deductions and see about getting you a healthy refund.
Speaking about health, I need a complete list of your non-
reimbursed medical expenses.
That's great -- a fractured sacroiliac.
And your income
was so low that most of it will be deductible! Let's move
on to your state income taxes and real estate taxes.
Boy, those state taxes can really
take a bite, eh? But
that huge mortgage tax deduction should really increase
your refund. What? You had to sell the house to pay for
the divorce? What a shame. I thought you said you did
not have any capital gains. You sold it at a loss?
Really? So tell me -- Do you think housing is going to
drop any further? One of my other users is looking to
You're absolutely right.
That was a selfish and thought-
less thing to say. I'm a new program, and I guess they
haven't gotten all the bugs out.
Let's go back to your deductions.
What did you pay in
I'm afraid deducting credit card
interest is a major no-no.
You may want to consider our Interactive Bankruptcy Software!
Hey, now. Don't get your
nose out of joint. It was just
a suggestion. Anyway, it's time to list your charitable
contributions. I know you can't afford them, but list a
couple hundred in cash anyway. Everybody does it, and it
is impossible to check.
Good. Now I'm almost afraid
to ask, but did you suffer
any unreimbursed casualty or theft losses last year?
That's pretty much what I expected.
Just give me the
numbers and I'll take it from there.
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
I'm sorry, I don't really have
time to listen about your
divorce anymore. What I meant was, did you have any
other income or expenses? Fine. Now why don't you rest
for a second, so I can do some quick calculations.
I have good news. You're
entitled to a $157 refund.
Would you like to apply it to your 1998 tax?
I beg your pardon? They
don't pay me enough to listen
to that kind of language!
Subj: Mallard Comic Strip (S1005)
By Bruce Tinsley on 4/14/2016
Subj: Letter To The IRS (S114, S580c)
From: RFSlick on 3/15/99
and From: tom on 2/29/2008
There was a man who computed
his taxes for 2007 and found
that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and
included this letter:
Enclosed is my 2007 Tax Returns. Please take note of the
attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the
article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50
for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet
seats (value $2400) and
six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment
to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and
apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on
my return. Might I suggest you the send the above
mentioned fund a '1.5 inch screw'. (See attached article
- HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay
my tax bill this year, and
I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw
an article about the Pentagon and 'screwdrivers'.
I. Getscrewed Everyear
Subj: Letter To The IRS II (S269b, S485b)
From: Cypriot on 3/29/2002
and From: LABLaughs on 4/27/2006
I am responding to your letter
denying the deduction for
two of the three dependents I claimed on my 2001 Federal
Income Tax return. Thank you. I have questioned whether
these are my children or not for years. They are evil
I feel it's only fair -- since
they are minors, and no
longer my responsibility -- that the government knows
something about them and what to expect over the next
year. You may apply next year to reassign them back to
me and reinstate the deductions; this year, however,
they are yours.
The oldest, Kristen, is now 17.
She is brilliant. Just
ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office
where she can answer people's questions about their tax
returns. While she has had no formal training, it has
not seemed to hamper her knowledge of any other subject
you can name. Taxes should be a breeze. Next year she
is going to college. I think it's wonderful that you
will now be responsible for that expense.
While you mull that over, keep
in mind she has a truck.
It doesn't run at the moment so you have the immediate
decision of appropriating some Health and Human Services
funds to fix the vehicle or getting up early to drive
her to school. Kristen also has a boyfriend. Oh joy.
While she possesses all the wisdom of the universe, her
alleged mother and I have felt it best to occasionally
remind her of the virtues of abstinence -- and, in the
face of overwhelming passion, safe sex. This is always
uncomfortable and I'm quite relieved you will be handling
it in the future. May I suggest you reinstate Jocelyn
Elders; she had a rather good handle on the problem.
Patrick is 14. I've had
my suspicions about this one.
His eyes are a little to close together for normal people.
He may be a tax examiner himself someday if you don't
incarcerate him first.
In February I was rudely awakened
at three in the morning
by a police officer who was bringing Pat home. He and
his friends were TP'ing houses. In the future would you
like him delivered to the local IRS office or sent
directly to Ogden, UT? Kids at 14 will do almost anything
on a dare. His hair is purple.
Permanent dye, temporary dye,
what's the big deal? Learn
to deal with it. You'll have plenty of time since he is
sitting out a few days of school after instigating a food
fight. I'll be sure to file your phone number with the
vice principal. Oh yes, he, and all his friends, have
raging hormones. This is the house of testosterone, and
it will be much more peaceful once he has moved in with
you. DO NOT leave him or any of his friends unsupervised
with girls, explosives, flammables, inflatables, vehicles
or telephones. (I'm sure you'll find the telephones a
source of unimaginable amusement; be sure to lock out the
900 and 976 numbers.)
Heather is an alien. She
slid through a time warp and
appeared quite by magic one year. I'm sure this one is
yours. She is 10, going on 21. She came from a bad trip
in the sixties. She wears tie-dyed clothes, beads,
sandals and hair that looks like Tiny Tim's. Fortunately,
your recent tax increase will help you offset the pinch of
her remedial reading courses. "Hooked on Phonics" is
expensive, so the schools dropped it. Good news, though!
You can buy it yourselves for half the amount of the
deduction you are denying.
It's quite obvious we were terrible
parents (ask the other
two), so they have "helped" raise this one to a new level
of terror. She cannot speak English. Most people under
twenty understand the curious patois she fashioned out of
valley girls/boys in the hood/reggae/yuppie/political
doublespeak. I don't. The school sends her to a speech
pathologist who has her roll her R's. It added a
refreshing Mexican/Irish touch to her voice. She wears
hats backward, pants baggy, and wants one of her ears
pierced four more times. There is a fascination with
tattoos that worries me, but I'm sure you can handle it.
Bring a truck when you come to get her, she sort of
"nests" in her room, and I think it would be easier to
move the entire thing rather than find out what's really
You denied two of the three deductions
so I guess it's
only fair you get to pick which two you will take. I
prefer you take the two youngest; I'll still go bankrupt
with Kristen's college expense but then I'm free! If
you take the two oldest, at least I have time for
counseling before Heather becomes a teenager. If you
take the two girls I won't feel so bad about putting
Patrick in a military academy.
Please let me know of your decision
as soon as possible,
as I have already increased the withholding on my W4 to
cover the $395 in additional tax and made a down payment
on an airplane.
Subj: Short Tax Jokes (S114)
Tom Meyer Political Cartoons (DU,d)
By Tom Meyer
From: KenK007 on 4/17/2013
Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S668b)
By Bob Thaves on 10/1/2009
Shoe Sunday Comic Strip (S821)
By Chris Cassatt and Gary Brookins
From: WashingtonPost.com on 9/30/2012
Ballard Street Cartoon (S645b)
by Jerry Van Amerongen on 5/17/2009
Ann Telnaes Cartoons (S637)
IRS Pencil Sharpener (S586c)
From: AFine963 on 4/10/2008
The Sudoku Accounting Method (S584)
By Bob Thaves on 4/2/2008 (in statistics)
Federal Tax Refund - PPS (S534)
From: darrell94590 on 4/16/2007
1040 EZ 2 Do Tax Form (S494c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/13/2006
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Be wary of strong drink.
It can make you shoot at
tax collectors and miss. -- Robert Heinlein (in Quotes1)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 4/11/2007
"The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit
that carries any reward." -- John Maynard Keynes
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/20/2007 (S538b)
Patrick Henry should come back to see what taxation
with representation is like.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/17/2009 (S634b)
In the US, it takes more brainpower to fill
out the income tax forms than it does to
earn the income in the first place.
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/1/2009 (S660b)
"We have a system that increasingly taxes work and
subsidizes nonwork." -- Milton Friedman
...............................From Grampsboyd on 3/6/04.