Subj: Tax-Supp Jokes
(Includes 23 jokes and articles, 24850,16,cf,md4v,13)
Tax Time2 from
Subj: Mother Goose & Grimm (S636b)
By Mike Peters
From: Grimmy.com on 3/29/2009
Subj: Bringing Your Lawyer To The IRS (S502)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/30/2005
(See 'Little Old Lady Meets Bank President' in Elderly2)
The IRS decides to audit Ed,
and summons him to the IRS
office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ed shows
up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir,
you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain
by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS
finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can
prove it," says Ed. "How
about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ed says, "I'll bet you a thousand
dollars that I can bite
my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and
says, "No way! It's a bet."
Ed removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw
Ed says, "Now, I'll bet you two
thousand dollars that I
can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Ed isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ed removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes
he has wagered and lost
three grand, with Ed's attorney as a witness. He starts
to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?"
Ed asks. "I'll bet you
six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your
desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side,
and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is
cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage
that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ed stands beside the desk and
unzips his pants, but although
he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all
over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing
that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ed's attorney
moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney.
"This morning, when Ed
told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty
thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all
over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about
Taxman -- George Harrison And Eric Clapton (live) (S692d, S824)
From: Ruby Stanley on Facebook on 4/25/2010
Photo from YouTube.com
Live in Tokyo, Japan in 1966,
it's George Harrison and Eric
Clapton. Two names that, said together, echo greatness
through out the world. Click on the above source, or
'Here' for my copy, to see this concert.
Subj: Our Tax System Explained in Terms of Beer (S613c)
From: tom on 10/8/2008
Using actual percentages, the
impact of a tax cut, and the
public reaction that everyone should be able to understand.
Suppose that every day, ten men
go out for beer and the bill
for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way
we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest)
would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided
to do. The ten men drank in
the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement,
until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are
all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the
cost of your daily beer by $20. "Drinks for the ten now cost
The group still wanted to pay
their bill the way we pay our
taxes, so the first four men were unaffected. They would
still drink for free. But what about the other six men -
the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 wind-
fall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided
by six is $3.33. But if
they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the
fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid
to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it
would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the
same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts
each should pay.
And so -
The fifth man, like the first
four, now paid nothing
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 ( 22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off
than before. And the
first four continued to drink for free. But once
outside the restaurant, the men began to compare
"I only got a dollar out of the
$20," declared the
sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got
"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed
the fifth man. "I
only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got
ten times more than I!"
"That's true!!" shouted the seventh
man. "Why should
he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get
all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute," yelled the first
four men in unison.
"We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits
The nine men surrounded the tenth
and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks,
so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But
when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered
something important. They didn't have enough money
between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists
professors, is how our tax system works. The people
who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from
a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for
being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.
In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the
atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia
For those who understand, no
explanation is needed.
For those who do not, or will not, understand, no
explanation is possible.
Snopes.com only checked the authorship
of this internet
article and found that David Kamerschen was NOT its author.
No one knows who originally wrote it as verified at
Subj: Frank and Ernest On Tax Returns (S581c)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 3/7/2008
Subj: A Letter To Our Senator (S500)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/17/2006
Dear Senator ,
As a native Californian and excellent
customer of the Internal
Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I
have contacted the immigration and Naturalization Service in
an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal
alien and they referred me to you.
My reasons for wishing to change
my status from U.S. Citizen
to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed
by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding
of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien
who has been in the United States for five years, what I
need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
income taxes for three of the last five years.
I know a good deal when I see
one and I am anxious to get
the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply
put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding
two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is
there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
This would yield an excellent result for me and my family
because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Another benefit in gaining illegal
status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to
her law school applications.
If you would provide me with
an outline of the process to
become illegal retroactively if possible) and copies of the
necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you
for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Senator Sanders' Top 10 Worst
.............Corporate Income Tax Avoiders: (S763d)
From: lubin100 on 8/28/2011
Bernie Sanders, U.S. Senator
for Vermont, on March 30,2011
before the Senate, listed the ten worst corporate income
tax avoiders in the United States.
Benicia's own Valero Energy was
sixth on Sanders' list. It
was the 25th largest company in America with $68 billion in
sales last year received a $157 million tax refund check
from the IRS and, over the past three years, it received a
$134 million tax break from the oil and gas manufacturing
tax deduction. Valero donates thousands of dollars in
Benicia and the Bay Area while avoiding paying any federal
tax, reduced their property tax by $350 thousand per year
and pay only 4% user utility tax versus 10% that Chevron pays.
"We have a deficit problem. It
has to be addressed," Sanders
said, "but it cannot be addressed on the backs of the sick,
the elderly, the poor, young people, the most vulnerable in
this country. The wealthiest people and the largest corpor-
ations in this country have got to contribute. We've got to
talk about shared sacrifice."
Click on the top source, or 'HERE'for
my copy, to see Sanders
four and a half minute speech before the Senate.
Subj: Dennis The IRS Menace (S724)
By Ward Sutton, From: Tea Party Comics
in Funny Times on November 2010
Cartoonist Ward Sutton created
an Internet sensation with
the Boston Globe's publication of his Tea Party Comics, a
satiric look at America's comic-page stalwarts, with a
Tom Meyer Political Cartoons (DU,d)
By Tom Meyer
From: KenK007 on 4/17/2013
Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S668b)
By Bob Thaves
From: WashingtonPost.com on 10/1/2009
Shoe Sunday Comic Strip (S821)
By Chris Cassatt and Gary Brookins
From: WashingtonPost.com on 9/30/2012
Ballard Street Cartoon (S645b)
by Jerry Van Amerongen
From: Creators.com on 5/17/2009
Ann Telnaes Cartoons (S637)
Frank And Ernest On Socrates (DU, in Greek)
By Bob Thaves
From: WashingtonPost.com on 12/16/2008
You can read this cute Socrates
quotation by clicking 'HERE'.
IRS Pencil Sharpener (S586c)
The Sudoku Accounting Method (S584)
From: WashingtonPost.com (in statistics)
Federal Tax Refund (S534)
1040 EZ 2 Do Tax Form (S494c)
Frank And Ernest Cartoon II (S741)
By Bob Thaves
From: WashingtonPost.com on 4/15/2011
Be wary of strong drink.
It can make you shoot at
tax collectors and miss. -- Robert Heinlein (in Quotes1)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 4/11/2007
"The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit
that carries any reward." -- John Maynard Keynes
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/20/2007 (S538b)
Patrick Henry should come back to see what taxation
with representation is like.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/17/2009 (S634b)
In the US, it takes more brainpower to fill
out the income tax forms than it does to
earn the income in the first place.
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/1/2009 (S660b)
"We have a system that increasingly taxes work and
subsidizes nonwork." -- Milton Friedman
...............................From Grampsboyd on 3/6/04.