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Subj:     Tax Jokes
                 (Includes 75 jokes and articles, 14 1005,8,cf,vYT3,2)

          Click "Here" for Tax-Supp


Tax Time from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Bringing Your Lawyer To The IRS (S502 in Supp)
.........................Taxman -- Harrison And Clapton - Video (S692 in Supp)
.........................Our Tax System Explained in Terms of Beer (S613c in Supp)
.........................Frank and Ernest On Tax Returns (S581c in Supp)
.........................A Letter To Our Senator (S500 in Supp)
.........................New Taxes In The Last 100 Years (S348 in Supp)
.........................Senator Sanders' Top 10 Tax Avoiders: - Vid (S763-Supp)
.........................Man Goes To Priest With Business Problems (S126b in Supp)
.........................Man Massages Person In Bank Line (S220 in Supp)
.........................Dennis The IRS Menace - Cartoon (S724 in Supp)
.........................The Truth About Taxes (S95 in Supp)
.........................Interactive Taxes Software (S62 in Supp)
.........................Mallard Comic Strip (S1005 in Supp)
.........................Letter To The IRS (S114, S580c in Supp)
.........................Letter To The IRS II (S269b, S485b in Supp)
.........................
.........................Mother Goose & Grimm (S636b)
.........................The Beatle's Taxman Lyrics - With Audio File (S453)
.........................Going To Heaven After Cheating On Your Taxes (S361b)
.........................Tax cuts for Dummies (S304b)
.........................Tax Time Poem (S269d, S480c)
.........................Frank And Ernest On Socrates (DU)
.........................Income Tax Deductions (S265)
.........................IRS Refund (S232)
.........................Taxes By Dave Barry (S114)
.........................The Duplex Cartoon (S997)
.........................Tax Official Visits Synagogue (S106, S853)
.........................Fraud Warning (S193, S566b)
.........................The Ebonics 1040EZ (S60)
.........................What To Wear To The IRS (S60, S433)
.........................Tax Day Quotes (S114)
.........................Short Tax Jokes (S114)
..............................Tom Meyer Political Cartoons (DU in Supp)
..............................Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S668b in Supp)
..............................Shoe Sunday Comic Strip (S821 in Supp)
..............................Ballard Street Cartoon (S645b in Supp)
..............................Ann Telnaes Cartoons (S637 in Supp)
..............................IRS Pencil Sharpener (S586c in Supp)
..............................The Sudoku Accounting Method (S584 in Supp)
..............................Federal Tax Refund (S534 in Supp)
..............................1040 EZ 2 Do Tax Form (S494c in Supp)
..............................Frank And Ernest Cartoon II (S741 in Supp)
..............................
..............................IRS And Tax Collecting - Photo (S471)
..............................The Three R's Of The IRS: (S377)
..............................Taxes And Funerals - Cartoon (S469)
..............................What's The Fairest Tax? (S329)
..............................Snoopy's Tax Letter - Comic Strip (S439)
..............................IRS Calls Father O'Malley (S372, S601c)
..............................Tax Relief (S114)
.........................Frank and Ernest On Heaven And Taxes (S376b)

Also see BAR2 file    - 'Strongest Man Contest'
         COLLEGE1     - 'College Student Talks To Her Dad'
         COW_SHEEP    - 'Service'
         DOG-SUPP2    - 'The Duplex Comic Strip'
         FACTS3 file  - 'The Astronaut Pen'
         FACTS4 file  - 'Taxes In Italy'
         GENIE file   - 'The IRS Genie'
         HOOKER2 file - 'Jimmy Carter Picks A Hooker'
         LAWYER2 file - 'Boy Chokes In Restaurant'
         MARRIAGE4    - 'Your Home'
         NATIONAL2    - 'Social Security'
......................- 'A Billion In Perspective...'
         NATIONAL-STS - 'Congressional Retirement System'
         PENIS3 file  - 'Penis Tax'
         RELIGION     - 'The Church At Pierce Creed'
         STATISTICS   - 'Non Sequitur Cartoon On April 13'
         TEST1 file   - 'Urine Test'
============================================================Top
Subj:     Mother Goose & Grimm (S636b)
          By Mike Peters on 3/29/2009
 Source: http://www.grimmy.com/comics.php
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Subj:     The Beatle's Taxman Lyrics (S453d)
          Written And Lead Vocal: George Harrison
          Part of 'Revolver' Album, Track 1 in 1966
  Beatle's picture
         from
The Beatles Music
              and 'Anthology 2' Album in 1996
          From: Anon Jr. on 9/21/2005
  Source: (Removed from freerepublic.com)

  Let me tell you how it will be
  There's one for you, nineteen for me
 'Cause I'm the taxman,
  Yeah, I'm the taxman

  Should five per cent appear too small
  Be thankful I don't take it all
 'Cause I'm the taxman,
  Yeah I'm the taxman

  If you drive a car, I'll tax the street
  If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat
  If you get too cold I'll tax the heat
  If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet
  Taxman!

 'Cause I'm the taxman,
  Yeah I'm the taxman

  Don't ask me what I want it for (Aahh Mr. Wilson)
  If you don't want to pay some more (Aahh Mr. Heath)
 'Cause I'm the taxman,
  Yeah, I'm the taxman

  Now my advice for those who die
  Declare the pennies on your eyes
 'Cause I'm the taxman,
  Yeah, I'm the taxman
  And you're working for no one but me
  Taxman!

Taxman

  Click 'HERE' to listen to the song.

Top
Subj:     Going To Heaven After Cheating On Your Taxes (S361b)
          From: The-Jokes.com
  Source: http://www.the-jokes.com/listjokes.php?id=Best

 (Also see 'Three Men And Cindy Crawford At The Pearly Gates' in HEAVEN1
   and see 'Don't Hit The Duck' in HEAVEN2
   and see 'Three Guys In Hell' in HELL)

 One day, this man, Tony, died.  When he was sent to be judged,
 he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not
 go to heaven right away.  He asked what he did and God told
 him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way
 he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound,
 stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it.
 Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity
 in heaven.  So off he went with this enormous woman, pretending
 to be happy.

 As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead.
 Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with.
 When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and
 Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the
 government out of a lot of money...even more then you did."

 They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that
 as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well
 hang out together to help pass the time.

 Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking
 along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos could
 have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead, only this
 man was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel,
 centerfold.  Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man and
 in fact it was their friend Jon.  They asked him how is he
 with this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with
 these god-awful women.

 Jon replied, "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not
 complaining.  This has been absolutely the best time of my
 life (and I'm dead,) and I have five years of the best sex
 any man could hope for to look forward to.  There is only
 one thing that I can't seem to understand.

 After everytime we have sex, she rolls over and murmur's to
 herself, "Damn income taxes!"

Top
Subj:     Tax cuts for Dummies (S304b)
          From: coreymac on 11/26/2002

 Not to say that any reader is a "dummy" but this is a good
 picture of the All American Tax system.  The US tax system
 -- explained for dummies:

 I was having lunch with one of my favorite clients last week
 and the conversation turned to the government's recent round
 of tax cuts.  "I'm opposed to those tax cuts," the retired
 college instructor declared, "because they benefit the rich.
 The rich get much more money back than ordinary taxpayers
 like you and me and that's not fair."

 "But the rich pay more in the first place," I argued, "so it
 stands to reason that they'd get more money back."  I could
 tell that my friend was unimpressed by this meager argument.
 I said to him, let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can
 understand.  Suppose that every day 10 men go to a restaurant
 for dinner.  The bill for! all ten comes to $100.  If it was
 paid the way we pay our taxes, the first four men would pay
 nothing; the fifth would pay $1; the sixth would pay $3; the
 seventh $7; the eighth $12; the ninth $18.  The tenth man
 (the richest) would pay $59.

 The 10 men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed
 quite happy with the arrangement until the owner threw them
 a curve.  Since you are all such good customers, he said,
 I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20.

 Now dinner for the 10 only costs $80.

 The first four are unaffected.  They still eat for free.
 Can you figure out how to divvy up the $20 savings among
 the remaining six so that everyone gets his fair share?  The
 men realize that $20 divided by 6 is $3.33, but if they
 subtract that from everybody's share, then the fifth man
 and the sixth man would end up being paid to eat their meal.

 The restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to
 reduce each man's bill by roughly the same percentage, being
 sure to give each a break, and he proceeded to work out the
 amounts each should pay.

 Now the fifth man paid nothing, the sixth pitched in $2, the
 seventh paid $5, the eighth paid $9, the ninth paid $12,
 leaving the tenth man with a bill of $52 instead of $59.

 Outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their
 savings. "I only got a dollar out of the $20," complained
 the sixth man, pointing to the tenth, "and he got $7!"

 "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only
 saved a dollar, too.  It's unfair that he got seven times
 more than me!"

 "That's true," shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get
 $7 back when I got only $2?  The wealthy get all the breaks!"
 "Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We
 didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor."

 The nine men surrounded the tenth man and beat him up.
 The next night he didn't show up for dinner, so the nine
 sat down and ate without him.  But when it came time to
 pay the bill, they discovered something important.  They
 were $52 short!  And that, boys, girls and college
 instructors, is how America's tax system works.

 The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit
 from a tax reduction.  Tax them too much, attack them for
 being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table
 any more.  There are lots of good restaurants in Switzerland

Top
Subj:     Tax Time Poem (S269d, S480c)
          From: BennoRo on 3/26/2002
      and From: flovilla on 4/11/2006

 Its that time of the year folks.
 Here is a poem to remember this time by.

 Tax his land, tax his wage,
 Tax the bed in which he lays.
 Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
 Teach him taxes is the rule.

 Tax his cow, tax his goat,
 Tax his pants, tax his coat.
 Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
 Tax his work, tax his dirt.

 Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
 Teach him taxes are no joke.
 Tax his car, tax his ass,
 Tax the roads he must pass.

 Tax his tobacco, tax his drink,
 Tax him if he tries to think.
 Tax his booze, tax his beers,
 If he cries, tax his tears.

 Tax his bills, tax his gas,
 Tax his notes, tax his cash.
 Tax him good and let him know
 That after taxes, he has no dough.

 If he hollers, tax him more,
 Tax him until he's good and sore.
 Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
 Tax the sod in which he lays.

 Put these words upon his tomb,
 "Taxes drove me to my doom!"
 And when he's gone, we won't relax,
 We'll still be after Inheritance Tax.

Top
Subj:     Frank And Ernest On Socrates (DU, in Greek)
          By Bob Thaves on 12/17/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frankandernest/2008/12/17
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Subj:     Income Tax Deductions (S265)
          From: jerry on 2/19/2002

 * A NYC man who made some money donating sperm and who
 asked his accountant if he could therefore take a
 "depletion allowance."  He was told it had to be an oil
 well or something.

 * In Wyoming a man declared his dog as a dependent for
 years and then became worried about the trouble he might
 get into.  Not having enough money to square it with the
 IRS he asked his accountant what to do to for which he
 was told to declare "Red" as deceased on his next return
 and hope nobody asks any questions.

 * Then there's the bonehead who paid an arsonist to
 destroy his furniture store, for which he collected
 $500,000 from the insurance company.  But who got caught
 when he claimed the arsonist's fee of $10,000 as a
 "consulting fee."

 * A Texas rancher depreciated 15 to 20 animals, something
 only allowed if the animals are used in breeding.  When
 he was asked by the IRS agent at an audit, "I presume you
 breed these animals?" replied that he didn't, giving his
 CPA a heart attack.  But then, after a pregnant pause,
 continued, "I've got a bull for that."

 * The man who, having lost his dentures when they fell
 into the toilet, declared the loss as an "act-of-God
 casualty loss."

 Bankrate.com 1-Feb-02
 http://www.bankrate.com/nsc/itax/news/20020201a.asp

Top
Subj:     IRS Refund (S232)
          From: TAdams on 6/27/2001

 When Should You Expect Your Refund Check?
 President Bush signed a 10-year, $1.35 trillion tax cut on
 June 7.  One element of the bill was to return money to
 taxpayers by sending them a check.

 The last two digits of your Social Security number determine
 when your refund check will be mailed.  The breakdown is as
 follows:
 * 00 - 08 July 23
 * 09 - 17 July 30
 * 18 - 26 August 6
 * 27 - 35 August 13
 * 36 - 43 August 20
 * 44 - 51 August 27
 * 52 - 59 September 3
 * 60 - 67 September 10
 * 68 - 75 September 17
 * 76 - 83 September 24
 * 84 - 91 October 1
 * 92 - 99 October 8

 Thomas A. Adams
 Sr. QA Analyst
 Economics/Production
 Landmark Graphics Corporation

 People will forget what you said.
 People will forget what you did.
 But people will never forget how you made them feel...

Top
Subj:     Taxes By Dave Barry (S114)
..........From: Vallejo Times Herald on Sunday April 4,1999
          Typed by AJSwitzer

 Perhaps you are one of the many Americans who are afraid
 of preparing their own income-tax returns.  If so let me
 offer these words of encouragement: You stupid idiot.  I
 say this because doing your own taxes has never been easier,
 thanks to modern technology such as the telephone, the
 personal computer, and the canned frozen margarita.

 Take me.  I am not a so-called "Certified Public Accountant,"
 but I have been handling my own taxes for years, using a
 simple, three-step system:

 STEP ONE: One week before the April 15 tax deadline, I
 gather together all my financial records.  This is easy,
 because I keep all my records in one convenient place,
 which is the kitchen drawer where I also keep my butane
 lighters with no butane in them and my package of "AAA"
 batteries, which I bought in 1987 because I thought they
 were "AA" batteries, and which I plan to return to the
 drugstore for a refund as soon as I locate the receipt.
 So all my records are compressed into one convenient,
 dense wad.

 STEP TWO: Using a Sears Craftsman chisel, I separate my
 records and sort then according to size and color.  This
 takes a while, but it "paves the way" for the heart of
 my tax-return preparation system, which is:

 STEP THREE: Using the telephone, I call Evan, who is my
 accountant, and urgently ask if I can file for an
 extension, and he tells me that he already did.  Then he
 hangs up and goes back to sleep because at this point it
 is 3:30 a.m. on April 18.

 The advantage of using this system, which is called the
 "Extension System," is that you can postpone filing your
 tax return for several months, and even longer if, the
 good Lord willing, the earth is destroyed by an asteroid.

 You know what makes me want to puke, aside from Geraldo
 Rivera?  I'll tell you what: so-called "tax-preparation
 software."  When I go to the computer superstore and see
 these clueless taxpayers paying good money for software
 that is allegedly going to make their tax preparation
 "fast and easy," I laugh so hard that sometimes it takes
 four store employees to wrestle me to the floor and
 inject my special medicine into my neck.

 I react this way because I know that this "tax-preparation
 software" is NOT going to prepare these clueless people's
 returns for them; it is going to ask them 14 skillion
 technical questions about things such as their names,
 Social Security number, income, expenses, and the exact
 number - Right down to the decimal point! - of their
 children.

 Listen, software geeks: If we KNEW all these details, WE
 WOULDN'T NEED THE COMPUTER TO HELP US!  Why don't you
 make USEFUL tax software?  I'm talking about software
 that, when you put it into your computer, says to you:
 "You've done ENOUGH already!  Go enjoy a canned margarita
 while I use my modem to wake Evan up and get you an
 extension!"

 If Al Capone had possessed such software, he would be a
 free man today.  Dead, but free.

 For those of you who wish, for whatever insane reason, to
 actually prepare your tax returns, there are some changes
 this year that you need to know about.  The main one is
 that the Internal Revenue Service now has a positive,
 taxpayer-friendly image, expressed by the upbeat new IRS
 motto: "We Acknowledge That There Is A Possibility, However
 Remote, That You Are Not Criminal Scum."  Instead of
 hassling taxpayers, the new IRS wants to serve them.  What
 does this mean to you, the individual taxpayer?   According
 to IRS Commissioner Charles Rossotti, it means you are now
 expected to tip.

 "If you're a married taxpayer filing jointly," states
 Rossotti in his official Letter to Taxpayers, "tucking a
 fifty-dollar bill inside your tax return will definitely
 cause the IRS employee serving you to feel appreciated
 and be less likely to select you for the auditing
 procedure we call "The Closet Full Of Snakes."

 Rossotti also pointed out that when we sign our tax
 returns, we are in effect taking a legal oath.  "This
 means," he sternly reminds us, "that the information you
 provided must meet the same standards of truth and
 accuracy that President Clinton met when he testified
 under oath about alleged acts of internship with Monica
 Lewinsky."  For example, if you have three dependents,
 when you fill in the box that says "Number of Dependents,"
 the following answers would meet the Clinton Accuracy
 Standard:
    "Three."
    "Four."
    "Around 27."
    "I don't recal."
    "It depends what you mean by dependent."

 Remember that, as always, if you have questions about
 filling out your tax forms you can call up your congress-
 person or senators at any hour of the day or night and
 ask them what brand of glue they were sniffing when they
 thought up our tax laws.  But let us not become bitter
 and negative.  Let us remember that, in a democratic
 society, if we do not pay our "fair share" of taxes for
 vital government services, we will be able to buy ourselves
 a boat.  So let's sharpen our pencils and start accurately
 writing down our income.  I don't recall having any.

 Dave Barry is a humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
 Write to him c/o Tropic Magazine, The Miami Herald, One
 Herald Plaza, Miami FL 33132.

Top
Subj:     The Duplex Cartoon (S997)
          By Glen McCoy on 2/15/2016
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/duplex/2016/02/15
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Subj:     Tax Official Visits Synagogue (S106, S853)
          From: auntiegah on 99-02-03 and 5/10/2007
      and From: CKButch4Femme on 5/19/2013

 A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined
 the IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered
 offenders--such as the Enron or WorldCom guys.  Anxious
 for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed
 when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi.

 Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight
 forward and the Rabbi clearly very frugal, so he thought
 he'd make his day interesting by having a little fun with
 the Rabbi.  "So rabbi, tell me, please, after you have
 distributed all your unleavened bread, what do you do
 with the crumbs?"

 "Why, we gather them carefully and send them to the city and
 then they make bread of them again and send it to us."

 "Ah.  So what about candles after they are burnt?  What do you
 do with the ends?"

 "We send them to the city as well, and they make new candles
 from them and send them to us."

 "And what about circumcision?  What do you do with those
 leftover pieces?"

 The rabbi, wearily, replies, "We send them to the city as
 well."

 "To the city!?  And what do they send to you?"

 "Today they have sent you to us."

Top
Subj:     Fraud Warning (S193, S566b)
          From: auntieg on 99-01-17

 If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal
 Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT!  This group operates a
 scam around this time every year.  Their letter claims
 that you owe them money, which they will take and use to
 pay for the operation of essential functions of the
 United States government.  This is untrue!  The money
 the IRS collects is used to fund various other corpor-
 ations which depend on subsidies to stay in business.

 This organization has ties to another shady outfit called
 the Social Security Administration, who claim to take
 money from your regular paychecks and save it for your
 retirement.  In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for
 the same misguided corporate welfare the IRS helps
 mastermind.

 These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working
 Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them!

Top
Subj:     The Ebonics 1040EZ (S60)
          From: auntieg on 98-03-21

  1040 - EB
  Da Depatment o' de man fo dis year  filin' thing fo' money

  Enter:

  1.Yo name(s) __________________________________

  2. yo' ssn   __________________________________

  3. other ssn's you use ____________________________________
               __________________________________
  Alias's      __________________________________
 

  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  2. yo' hood  __________________________________
               __________________________________
               __________________________________
               __________________ cell #_________
 

  --------------------------------------------------------------------
  3. Dependants (kids in yo' pad)

   name (s)               age    mother      father    gang affiliation
   _____________________  ___   ___________  _________ ________________
   _____________________  ___   ___________  _________ ________________
   _____________________  ___   ___________  _________ ________________
   _____________________ ___   ___________  _________ ________________
   _____________________  ___   ___________  _________ ________________
   _____________________  ___   ___________  _________ ________________
   _____________________  ___   ___________  _________ ________________

  INCOME (yo' money)

   7. Income from welfare (stash from da man) ............_______________
   8. Income from drug sales (work)......................._______________
   9. Income from gang slayings (workin dem straps)......._______________
  10. Income from prostitution (workin de bitches)........_______________
  11. Income from theft (visitin' white folk)............._______________
  12. Income from carjackin' (take what be mine).........._______________
  13. Add all dis shit up an put it here.................._______________

  DEDUCTIONS (my money)

  14.  Gang Tatoo's......................................._______________
  15a. Saw'd off's an straps (tools)......................_______________
  15b. Ammo..............................................._______________
  16a. Bail so's to free my ass..........................._______________
  16b. Eurostylin' my wheels.............................._______________
  16c. Funeral Expenses (burying de homeys)..............._______________
  17.  Add all dis shit up an put it here................._______________

  18. Take 17 from 13 (dem be lines 17 an 13, not coke
      lines either mudda fucka) put here.................._______________

      (if line 18 be a big numba)
  17. Amount you Owe......................................_______________

      (if line 18 be a small numba)
  18. Amount de man owe you..............................._______________

  19. Amount yo willin to pay.................................... $ 0. 00
  ----------------------------------------------------------------------
  20. Sign dis (an X is ok unless it's a sign of a rival gang, if it be
      them other mudda fucka's, go waste 'em first)
      _________________________________________________________

Top
Subj:     What To Wear To The IRS (S60, S433)
          From: thebartend on 98-02-14
      and From: DoctorDebt on 5/15/2005

 A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant
 for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing.
 Let him think you are a pauper."

 Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the
 opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you.  Wear
 your most elegant suit and tie."

 Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the
 conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the
 dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi.
 "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to
 wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel
 nightgown that goes right up to your neck.'  But when
 she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice.
 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down
 to your navel.

 The man protested: "What does all this have to do with
 my problem with the IRS?"

 "No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."

Top
Subj:     Tax Day Quotes (S114)
          From: Yzmir's HUMOR LISTS Updated on 5/22/1997

 Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.

 The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift - is taxes.
   -- W. Feather

 In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   -- Benjamin Franklin

 Foreign Aid - taxing poor people in rich countries for
 the benefit of rich people in poor countries.
   -- Bernard Rosenberg

 Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite
 as satisfying as an income tax refund. --F.J. Raymond

 You know it's a bad day when your income tax refund
 check bounces.

 I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile.
 I tried -- but they wanted cash.  -- Anon.

 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
 dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
   -- Peg Bracken

 Any reasonable system of taxation would be based
 on the slogan of 'Soak the Rich'. -- Heywood Broun

 "The income tax has made more liars out of the American
  people than golf has.  Even when you make a tax form
  out on the level, you don't know when it's through if
  you are a crook or a martyr."  -- Will Rogers

 Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction
 being written today.  -- Herman Wouk

 The income tax people are very nice.  They're letting
 me keep my own mother.  -- Henny Youngman

 There is only one thing worse than the flu season;
 the tax season.  You can recover from the flu.

 The best things in life are free, but sooner or later
 the government will find a way to tax them.

 Bumper snicker: Save Our Trees. Stop Printing Tax Forms!

 All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average
 American are spent by the government in less than a
 second. -- Jim Fiebig

 According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on
 December 22, 1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law
 Barbara run a "family farm."  Their "farm" has 25,000
 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year.  But as a
 "family farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135
 million a year.

 Baseball is a skilled game.  It's America's game -- it,
 and high taxes.  -- Will Rogers

 Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax
 collectors, and miss. -- Lazarus Long,  "Time Enough for Love"

 I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them
 two hammers and a toilet seat.  -- Sue Murphy

 I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The
 only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the
 money.  -- Arthur Godfrey

 Unquestionably, there is progress.  The average American
 now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got
 in wages.  -- H. L. Mencken

 Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get
 worse every year.

 There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.

 Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam
 to work for the government.

 There is only one way to kill capitalism--by taxes,
 taxes, and more taxes.

 Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that
 some men should be happier than others.  -- Oscar Wilde

 A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.
 A tax is a fine for doing something right.

 Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins
 with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of "May Day!"?
   -- Rob Knauerhase

 You've just told the guy next to you your life's history,
 how much you make, and how you've gotten out of paying
 income tax for years, and find out he's from the IRS.

 Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.

 Born Free...Taxed to Death

 The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800.  I said
 "If you'll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return.
 Given what you've been paying for things lately, that
 should more than make up the difference."

 Have you ever wondered if taxation without
 representation was cheaper?

 The only time the average child is as good as gold
 is April 15th.

 "I haven't committed a crime.  What I did was fail to
 comply with the law."  -- David Dinkins, New York City
 Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

From: Cypriot@Concentric.net on 3/29/2002 (S269c)
 "The hardest thing in the world to understand
  is the income tax."  -- Albert Einstein

Top
Subj:     Short Tax Jokes (S114)

Top
Subj:     IRS And Tax Collecting (S471)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/23/2006
..........At: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 I can relate to this photo.  You can view it by
 clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     The Three R's Of The IRS: (S377)
          From: igiggle on 4/20/2004
     This is ours
     That is ours
     Everything is ours
 

Top
Subj:     Taxes And Funerals (S469 in Funeral)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/13/2006
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 You can view this informative cartoon by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     What's The Fairest Tax? (S329)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 5/16/2003
 At a business conference in Montpelier, Vermont, the state
 tax commissioner asked the audience which sort of taxation
 they found fairest.  There was a pause, and then a white-
 haired man in the back raised his hand. "The poll tax,"
 he said. "But the poll tax was repealed," replied the
 commissioner.

 "Ay-ah," declared the man, "that's what I like about it."
 

Top
Subj:     Snoopy's Tax Letter (S439)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/20/2005
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
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Top
Subj:     IRS Calls Father O'Malley (S372, S601c)
          From: paulnschacknow on 3/14/2004
      and From: rfslick on 7/15/2008

 Father O'Malley answers the phone "Hello, is this Father
 O'Malley?"

 "It is"

 "This is the IRS.  Can you help us?"

 "I can"

 "Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

 "I do"

 "Is he a member of your congregation?"

 "He is"

 "Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

 "He will".
 

Top
Subj:     Tax Relief
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 4/17/00
 The IRS likes people to use the E-Z 1040 form.  Under their
 system, A-D are automatically withheld from your alphabet.

 This guy walks into the auditor's office, the auditor looks
 at him and says, "Please Mr. Johnson, take a seat.  We already
 own a piece of yours."

 On the movie set, the special effects guy is explaining a prop
 gun to the famous blond actress.  The prop guy says, "For the
 last time, if you point this gun and shoot it, no one will get
 hurt.  It's filled with blanks.  When have you ever heard of
 anyone getting killed by a blank?"  The actress replied, "My
 husband, last year, when he filled out our tax forms."
 
 

 Placard over the IRS Auditors desk:
 The luck stops here.

 Micro-Ap, a manufacturing company based in Londonderry,
 N.H., paid $18,267.40 in taxes last year. In September,
 the firm received a bill from the Internal Revenue Service
 for 1 cent, plus a penalty of $194.72.

From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
 When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is
 like the IRS.

From: BawdyNet Collage #whatever on 98-04-20
 A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4
 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalms 52:3-4 (lies and
 deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS:

 I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on
 my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have
 enclosed a check for $150.00.

 If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest.

From: RFSlick on 98-05-13
 Born free...Taxed to death.

 IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

From: auntieg on 98-05-20
 Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.

From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-30
 Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

From: humorlist-digest V3 #25 on 99-01-27
 IRS  - Be audit you can be

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/27/2002 (S269)
 Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
 "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

From: igiggle on 4/6/2003 (S323b)
 IRS workers suffer fewer assaults on the job
 than workers in any other government agency.

From: igiggle on 4/12/2003 (S324b)
 The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the
 federal government but doesn't have to take the
 civil servant examination.  -- Ronald Reagan

 Taxes, after all, are the dues that we pay for the
 privileges of membership in an organized society.
   -- Franklin D. Roosevelt

From: igiggle on 4/15/2003 (S324b)
 Taxation without representation is tyranny.
   -- James Otis
 Taxation with representation ain't so hot either.
   -- Gerald F. Lieberman

From: rfslick on 11/11/2005 (S459b)
 I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into
 prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying
 to lift himself up by the handle.  -- Winston Churchill

From: igiggle on 12/15/2005 (S464b - christmas4)
 Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want
 and adults pay for it.  Deficits are when adults tell the
 government what they want - and their kids pay for it.
   -- Richard Lamm, former governor of Colorado.
 

 Q: What's the difference between the IRS and a proctologist?
 A: Eventually a proctologist gets off your ass.

 Q: What's the difference between an audit and a circumcision?
 A: At a circumcision, they only keep ninety percent.

 Q: Why do people pay taxes?
 A: To help out the government --
    so the government doesn't have to pay for everything.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
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Subj:     Frank and Ernest On Heaven And Taxes (S376b)
          By Bob Thaves on 11/26/2003
  Source: http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/store/add.php?iid=5757
.....and: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2003/11/26
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                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
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.............................Tax Man from Smiley_Central
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