Subj:     Truck-Bus Jokes
                 (Includes 31 jokes and articles, 04898,14,cf,md4w,12)

Garbage Truck
Some New Light Shed
Includes the following:  Bus Stop Prank By Pepsi Max - Video (S898)
.........................Trucker Picks Up A Hitchhiker (S407)
.........................Truck Driver Picks Up Girl w/Short Shorts (S234)
.........................Septic Tank Truck Signs (S732)
.........................Fortune Telling Machine At Bus Stop (S312b, S703)
.........................Helping A Lady On The Bus (S220b, S426b)
.........................Road Train Trucks - Video/Photos (S729)
.........................Fortune Telling Machine At Bus Stop (S312b, S703)
.........................Blind Man And A Family Wait For A Bus (S364, S610)
.........................Blonde Bowling Team Rides A Bus (S472c, DU)
.........................Bus Advertizing (S578c)
.........................Loosing Your Purse On A Bus (S285b)
.........................Little Johnny Rides A City Bus (S381, S566b)
.........................Zimbabwea Bus Driver Stops At Bar (S331, DU)
.........................Truck Vs Train - Video (S606b)
.........................Old Truck Driver At A Diner (DU)
.........................Bus Riddle (S415, DU)
.........................Oreo: Cookie or Creme - Long Truck Clip (S928)
.........................Short Truch-Bus Jokes (DU)
..............................Pearls Before Swine Comic Strip (S733)
..............................School Bus Hits A Bump (S731)
..............................Oklahoma Truck Supply Sign (S538)
..............................Federal Express New Job Add (S338b)
..............................Truck Stopping Hitch Hiker (S462)
..............................College Paper Earns A 'C' (S300)
..............................Peeping At the Bus Stop (S461b)
..............................School Bus Brain Teaser (S269c)
..............................NEW ORLEANS Bus Driver's Sense Of Humor (S453b)
..............................Patriotic Trucker (S446)
..............................The Garbageman's Movie (S440)

Also see AUSTRALIAN   - 'Cattle Trains In Australia' - Article/Video
         BAR2 file    - 'Truck Driver Takes Little Man's Drink'
         BIG_CATS file- 'Father And Son At The Tiger Cage'
         CARS3 file   - 'Final Words Before Crashes'
         COLLEGE2 file- 'Business Student Earns A 'C''
         DRINKING-SUPP- 'Drinking And Driving'
         ELDERLY2 file- 'Old Man And Punk Rocker On A Bus'
         FACTS4 file  - 'Russian Truck Driver Drown In Beer'
         FACTS5 file  - 'Teens Rob Bus'
         Farmer1 file - 'Farmer And Truck Driver Have An Accident'
         GAYS file    - 'Two Poofs And A Truck Driver In A Accident'
         HOOKER file  - 'Trucker Man Goes To A Brothel'
         HOOKER2 file - 'Trucker At Restaurant And Whorehouse'
         HORSE file   - 'Man Checks Horses Before Buying'
         ITALIAN file - 'Italians On A Bus'
         JOB-STUFF    - 'The Dilemma'
         JUDGE file   - 'Laughing Man Goes On Trial'
         LAWYER1 file - 'Killing Lawyers'
         MATH4-SUPP2  - 'Train Bridge'
         MATH4-SUPPBUS- 'PUZZLE - Bus Stop Pictures'
         MEN1 file    - 'The Watch'
         NERD file    - 'Nerd Season'
         NUN1 file    - 'A Nun And A Hippie On A Bus'
.........PEANUTS file - 'Tour Bus Driver And Peanuts'
         POLITICAL2   - 'Bus Load Of Politicians Crashes'
         PREGNANT file- 'Pregnant Lady And Farmer Talk On Bus'
......................- 'Pregnant Lady On A Bus Is Laughed At'
         PRIEST1 file - 'A Priest And A Drunk Reading The Paper'
         PRIEST2 file - '2ed, Priest And Boy Talk About His Collar'
         PUSSY file   - 'Two Old Ladies Were Sexually Harassed'
......................- 'Fat Head At The Ice Cream Shop'
         THOUGHTS-QUTD- 'Great Quotes On Bus Tickets'
         WAITER file  - 'Trucker's Breakfast'
         WOMAN1 file  - 'Lady Looses Her Handbag II'
Subj:     Bus Stop Prank By Pepsi Max (S898d)
          Created by Pepsi Max UK
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/Go9rf9GmYpM
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/busad/
 Pepsi surprises commuters waiting at a bus stop in London
 with an augmented reality screen that shows some unusual
 events occurring right before their eyes. Click on either
 source, or 'HERE' for my copy, and prepare to be amazed.

Subj:     Trucker Picks Up A Hitchhiker (S407)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/3/2004
          (Also see 'Bar with Monkey' and
           also see 'Alligator Goes To A Bar' in BAR-ANIMALS)

 A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab
 and notices a monkey on the dashboard.  After a few miles,
 he asks the driver what the monkey is for.

 The driver says "I'll show you," and with that he hits the
 monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature
 rolling across the dash.

 The monkey goes down between the drivers legs, unzips his
 pants, pulls out his unit and proceeds to give the trucker
 oral gratification.

 When finished, the monkey pulls out a tissue, cleans the
 driver up, puts everything back and jumps back up on the

 "See that?" said the trucker.

 The man said, "Yeah."

 The trucker ask the man, "You want to try it?"

 The man said, "OK, but don't hit me as hard as you hit that

Subj:     Truck Driver Picks Up Girl With Short Shorts (S234)
          From: thebartend on 98-06-23 ? 7/24/2001

 A big-rig operator stopped to pick up a girl hitchhiker
 wearing REALLY short shorts.

 "Say,  What's your name, mister?" she inquired, after she
 climbed up in the truck.

 "It's Snow----Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours?"

 "Me, I'm June----June Hansen," she said.

 After a short while she asked, "Hey, why do you keep sizing
 me up with those sidelong glances?"

 "Can you imagine what it might be like," he countered,
  ....having eight inches of Snow in June?"

Subj:     Septic Tank Truck Signs (S732)
          From: kgilmour2000 on 1/20/2011
Drawing from SepticTankCleaning.com...

 These fifteen septic tank truck signs are very funny.
 They remind us that everyone must maintain a sense of
 humor about their work.  Click 'HERE' to view these

Subj:     Fortune Telling Machine At Bus Stop (S312b, S703)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 1/5/2003

 While waiting at a bus stop for a bus, a woman stepped
 onto a weight machine that told your fortune and weight
 for a quarter.  She put a quarter in, and out came a
 card that read, "Your age is 32, You weigh 135 lbs.,
 and you play the fiddle."

 She found the fortune amusing, since she didn't play
 the fiddle, but it did have her age correct.  About
 that time, an old gentleman walked up carrying a
 fiddle.  She asked him if she could see his fiddle.
 He agreed, and to their amazement, she started playing
 the fiddle with great natural skill.  She wondered if
 the fortune machine had actually known something about
 her that she didn't.  She thought about it, and decided
 to try the weight machine again.  She put another
 quarter in the machine, and out comes the card that
 reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you have

 She found this one to be absurd, as she was in perfect
 health, so she goes back to the bus-stop to wait for her
 bus.  While sitting there, she develops abdominal pains
 that continue to get worse until all of a sudden she
 farts.  She wondered about the fortune, and again was
 curious if the machine was capable of knowing stuff about
 her that she didn't know.  She puts another quarter in
 the machine, and out comes a card that reads: "Your age
 is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you are about to have sex."

 She laughed out loud, as she had been trying to find a
 decent guy to screw for weeks, with no luck.  She is
 sitting there waiting for the bus, when this attractive
 young man sits down and immediately their eyes locked,
 and they both knew that they were right for each other.
 They quickly ducked down an alley and began to screw
 like two teenagers.  The woman was so simply amazed at
 the ability of the machine, that she had to try it one
 more time.  She stood on the machine, put her last
 quarter in, and out came a card that read: "Your age is
 32, you weigh 135 lbs.,you've fiddled, you've farted,
 you've screwed around, and now you've missed your bus."

Subj:     Helping A Lady On The Bus (S220b, S426b)
          From: thebartend on 2/8/2001

 In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young
 woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus.
 As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she
 became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her
 leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

 Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus
 driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
 thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her
 leg.  She tried to take the step, only to discover that she

 So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached
 behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the
 second time attempted the step.

 Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her
 leg.  With a little smile to the driver, she again reached
 behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take
 the step.

 About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her
 picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on
 the step of the bus.

 She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and
 yelled, "How dare you touch my body!  I don't even know who
 you are!"

 The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I
 would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three
 times, I kinda figured we was friends.

Subj:     Road Train Trucks (S729d)
          From: darrellvip on 12/31/2010
Photo from MRupp.info
 Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Road_train
 (See 'Cattle Trains In Australia' in Australia)

 A road train or roadtrain is a trucking concept used in
 remote areas of Argentina, Australia, Mexico, the United
 States and Canada to move freight efficiently.  The term
 "road train" is most often used in Australia.  In the U.S.
 and Canada the terms "triples," "Turnpike doubles" and
 "Rocky Mountain doubles" are commonly used for longer
 combination vehicles (LCVs).  A road train consists of a
 relatively conventional tractor unit, but instead of
 pulling one trailer or semi-trailer, the road train pulls
 two or more of them.  There are vehicles of a similar
 variety for passengers, often known as land trains or
 "trams", but those are relatively lightweight and often
 slow vehicles.  Click 'HERE' to see several photos of
 road trains, and a scary movie trailer about a road

Subj:     Blind Man And A Family Wait For A Bus (S364, S610)
          From: thebartend on 1/21/2004
      and From: gattica30 on 9/18/2008

 A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with
 them are their nine children.  A blind man joins them after
 a few minutes.  When the bus arrives, they discover it to
 be overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able
 board the bus.

 So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.  After a
 while the husband gets irritated by the ticking noise the
 stick makes as the blind man taps it on the sidewalk and
 says to him:

 "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end your stick?
 That ticking sound is driving me crazy! "

 The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the
 end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut up!

Subj:     Blonde Bowling Team Rides A Bus (S472c, DU)
          From: mauriceschumacher on 2/1/2006

 Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes,
 charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament
 in Atlantic City.

 The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde
 team rides on the top level.

 The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great
 time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from
 the Blondes upstairs.  She decides to go up and investigate.

 When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes
 frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and
 clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

 She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here?  We're havin' a
 grand time downstairs!"  One of the Blondes from the second
 team looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

Subj:     Bus Advertizing (S578c)
          From: darrellvip on 2/7/2008
 You can view these eight amazing bus ads by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Loosing Your Purse On A Bus (S285b)
          From: thebartend on 7/17/2002

 As the bus pulled away, Mary realized she had left her
 purse under the seat.  Later she called the company and
 was relieved that the driver had found her bag.

 When she went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers
 surrounded her.  One man handed her my pocketbook, two
 typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of
 her purse.

 "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he
 explained. "I think you'll find everything there."

 As Mary started to put her belongings back into the
 pocketbook, the man continued,

 "I hope you don't mind if we watch.  Even though we all
 tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse.
 And we'd like to see just HOW you do it."

Subj:     Little Johnny Rides A City Bus (S381, S566b)
          From: mrx on 5/18/2004
Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images
 Little Johnny walks into a city bus and sits right behind
 the driver.  The little kid starts yelling, "If my dad was
 a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."  The driver
 starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continued with,
 "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I
 would be a little elephant."

 The kid went on with several animals until the bus driver
 got angry and yelled at the kid, "What if your dad was a
 faggot and your mom was a whore?"

 Johnny smiled and said, "I would be a bus driver."

Subj:     Zimbabwea Bus Driver Stops At Bar (S331, DU)
          From: DoctorDebt on 6/3/2003

 After stopping for drinks at a bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
 found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
 transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.  Not
 wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
 nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
 ride.  He then delivered the passengers to the mental
 hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
 excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.  The deception
 wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 The above article is an Urban Legend which can be found at
 It's such a good story that I'm still sending it out.

Subj:     Truck Vs Train (S606b,d)
          From: BoneheadOfTheDayAward@yahoogroups.com
          on 8/17/2008
 Source1: http://www.keepbusy.net/play.php?id=truck-vs-train
 Source2: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/874694/

 If you drive an 18-wheeler and you stop because the railroad
 gates just came down, do you
    1) wait for the train to pass?
    2) seek an alternative route,
 or 3) floor it hoping that at 1 MPH you'll make
       it over the track before the train comes?
 You can view this rather interesting 1 minute
 video by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Old Truck Driver At A Diner (DU)
          From: ossama on 98-06-17

 A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three
 Hell's Angels bikers walked in.  The first walked up to the
 old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie,
 and then took a seat at the counter.

 The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old
 man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter.  The
 third walked up to the old man and turned over the old
 man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

 Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the
 diner.  Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the
 waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

 The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either.
 He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

Subj:     Bus Riddle (S415, DU)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/10/2005
          (Also see 'School Bus Brain Teaser' in this file)

 You're driving a bus that is leaving on a trip from
 Pennsylvania and ending in New York. To start off with,
 there were 32 passengers on the bus. At the next bus stop,
 11 people get off and 9 people get on. At the next bus stop,
 2 people get off and 2 people get on. At the next bus stop,
 12 people get on and 16 people get off. At the next bus stop,
 5 people get on and 3 people get off.  Question:  What color
 are the bus driver's eyes?

Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes

You are the driver what color is your eyes

Subj:     Oreo: Cookie or Creme
.............- Long Truck Clip (S928d)
          From: Diane J Swinehart on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/rZEUcLRVNmM
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=384380041719727
 Source3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg1cifyt6Bk

 Oreo's Super Important Test was an online test, to see which
 is better, the White Stuff of the Cookie?  One of 34 videos
 was shown to you after you choose. The website has closed down.

 This Long Truck Clip was my favorite of their 34 videos.
 You can see it at the top two sources, or 'HERE' for my copy.
 It is very cute.

 You can see all 34 videos at source 3.

Subj:     Short Truck-Bus Jokes (DU)

Subj:     Pearls Before Swine Comic Strip (S733)
          By Stephan Pastis
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 1/31/2011
 Source: http://comics.com/affiliate/washington_post/?ComicID=70
 Click 'HERE' to read this comic strip about calling a
 friend with a pickup truck when you need to move furniture.

Subj:     School Bus Hits A Bump (S731d)
          From: LOLByte
          on 1/16/2010 (in School-Supp3)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt82cCjByCw
 One of my friends was on the bus... there was a huge bump so
 she sat on the seat and leaned forward hoping to fly over a
 few seats.  Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
 to see this cute, funny, very short video.

Subj:     Oklahoma Truck Supply Sign (S538)
          From: SCOTCOB
          on 5/10/2007
 You can view this cute business sign on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Federal Express New Job Add (S338b)
          From: jerry on 7/17/2003
 FedEx will pay you $11/hour to sit in a Federal Express
 delivery truck in Santa Rosa, California so the driver
 can use the car pool lane.

Wireless News 17-Jul-03

Subj:     Truck Stopping Hitch Hiker (S462)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 11/30/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19980301
 This cute, dirty animated GIF can be seen at the source
 above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     College Paper Earns A 'C' (S300)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 10/29/2002
 The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order
 to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

 A Yale University management professor in response to
 student Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight
 delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express

Subj:     Peeping At the Bus Stop (S461b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 11/21/2005
 Source: http://snipurl.com/k1xk
 Slowly run your mouse down each person standing at the bus
 stop.  You can view this SWF picture at the source above,
 or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     School Bus Brain Teaser (S269c)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/25/2002
          (Also see 'Bus Riddle' in this file)
 You are driving a city bus around town. You pick up 3 people
 on your first stop, drop off 2 people and pick up 5 at the
 next one.  You then pick up 3 people drop off 4.  How old is
 the bus driver?

 Answer: Whatever Your age is.

Subj:     NEW ORLEANS Bus Driver's Sense Of Humor
          From: LABLaughsAdult (S453b) 
          on 9/27/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19990623
 You can view the picture at the source above, or on my web
 site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Patriotic Trucker (S446)
          From: LABLaughsClean
          on 8/1/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20041006
      to http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20041012
 This trucker has painted his cab and trailer with the names
 of all those who lost their lives in 9/11. The trucker's
 name is John Holmgren from Shafer Minn. The trucker has
 been "pulled over" numerous times just so the troopers can
 get their picture taken with the truck.

 You can view these seven pictures of the truck at the source
 above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     The Garbageman's Movie (S440d)
          From: darrell94590
          on 6/28/2005 (in Old Videos)
 This is a cute video.  You can view it on my site
 by clicking 'HERE'.

 A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St.
 Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene,
 fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun
 to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

 In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex
 with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/14/2002 (S259)
 If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
 couple of truck payments.............Patti

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/24/2002 (286b)
 "Sometimes I just get so frustrated by the rush hour
 traffic that I slam my head on the steering wheel. That's
 usually followed by the bus driver telling me to get out."
   -- J. Hutter

From: Imogenelumen on 8/1/2003 (S341b)
From the wit of George Carlin
 If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

                           -(o o)-
.............................From Smiley_Central.