Subj: Truck-Bus Jokes
(Includes 29 jokes and articles, 01803n,12,cf,md,10)
Some New Light Shed
Also see AUSTRALIAN - 'Cattle
Trains In Australia' - Article/Movie
BAR2 file - 'Truck Driver Takes Little Man's Drink'
BIG_CATS file- 'Father And Son At The Tiger Cage'
CARS3 file - 'Final Words Before Crashes'
COLLEGE2 file- 'Business Student Earns A 'C''
DRINKING-SUPP- 'Drinking And Driving'
ELDERLY2 file- 'Old Man And Punk Rocker On A Bus'
FACTS4 file - 'Russian Truck Driver Drown In Beer'
FACTS5 file - 'Teens Rob Bus'
Farmer1 file - 'Farmer And Truck Driver Have An Accident'
GAYS file - 'Two Poofs And A Truck Driver In A Accident'
HOOKER file - 'Trucker Man Goes To A Brothel'
HOOKER2 file - 'Trucker At Restaurant And Whorehouse'
HORSE file - 'Man Checks Horses Before Buying'
ITALIAN file - 'Italians On A Bus'
JOB-STUFF - 'The Dilemma'
JUDGE file - 'Laughing Man Goes On Trial'
LAWYER1 file - 'Killing Lawyers'
MATH4-SUPP2 - 'Train Bridge'
MATH4-SUPPBUS- 'PUZZLE - Bus Stop Pictures'
MEN1 file - 'The Watch'
NERD file - 'Nerd Season'
NUN1 file - 'A Nun And A Hippie On A Bus'
.........PEANUTS file - 'Tour Bus Driver And Peanuts'
POLITICAL2 - 'Bus Load Of Politicians Crashes'
PREGNANT file- 'Pregnant Lady And Farmer Talk On Bus'
......................- 'Pregnant Lady On A Bus Is Laughed At'
PRIEST1 file - 'A Priest And A Drunk Reading The Paper'
PRIEST2 file - '2ed, Priest And Boy Talk About His Collar'
PUSSY file - 'Two Old Ladies Were Sexually Harassed'
......................- 'Fat Head At The Ice Cream Shop'
THOUGHTS-QUTD- 'Great Quotes On Bus Tickets'
WAITER file - 'Trucker's Breakfast'
WOMAN1 file - 'Lady Looses Her Handbag II'
Septic Tank Truck Signs (S732)
From: kgilmour2000 on 1/20/2011
Drawing from SepticTankCleaning.com...
These fifteen septic tank truck
signs are very funny.
They remind us that everyone must maintain a sense of
humor about their work. Click 'HERE' to view these
Subj: Fortune Telling Machine At Bus Stop (S312b, S703)
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/5/2003
While waiting at a bus stop for
a bus, a woman stepped
onto a weight machine that told your fortune and weight
for a quarter. She put a quarter in, and out came a
card that read, "Your age is 32, You weigh 135 lbs.,
and you play the fiddle."
She found the fortune amusing,
since she didn't play
the fiddle, but it did have her age correct. About
that time, an old gentleman walked up carrying a
fiddle. She asked him if she could see his fiddle.
He agreed, and to their amazement, she started playing
the fiddle with great natural skill. She wondered if
the fortune machine had actually known something about
her that she didn't. She thought about it, and decided
to try the weight machine again. She put another
quarter in the machine, and out comes the card that
reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you have
She found this one to be absurd,
as she was in perfect
health, so she goes back to the bus-stop to wait for her
bus. While sitting there, she develops abdominal pains
that continue to get worse until all of a sudden she
farts. She wondered about the fortune, and again was
curious if the machine was capable of knowing stuff about
her that she didn't know. She puts another quarter in
the machine, and out comes a card that reads: "Your age
is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you are about to have sex."
She laughed out loud, as she
had been trying to find a
decent guy to screw for weeks, with no luck. She is
sitting there waiting for the bus, when this attractive
young man sits down and immediately their eyes locked,
and they both knew that they were right for each other.
They quickly ducked down an alley and began to screw
like two teenagers. The woman was so simply amazed at
the ability of the machine, that she had to try it one
more time. She stood on the machine, put her last
quarter in, and out came a card that read: "Your age is
32, you weigh 135 lbs.,you've fiddled, you've farted,
you've screwed around, and now you've missed your bus."
Subj: Helping A Lady On The Bus (S220b, S426b)
From: thebartend on 2/8/2001
In a crowded city at a busy bus
stop, a beautiful young
woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she
became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her
leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with
a quick smile to the bus
driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her
leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she
So, a little more embarrassed,
she once again reached
behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the
second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin,
she could not raise her
leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached
behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take
About this time, a large Texan
who was standing behind her
picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on
the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned
to the would-be Samaritan and
yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who
The Texan smiled and drawled,
"Well, ma'am, normally I
would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three
times, I kinda figured we was friends.
Road Train Trucks (S729)
From: darrellvip on 12/31/2010
Photo from MRupp.info
A road train or roadtrain is
a trucking concept used in
remote areas of Argentina, Australia, Mexico, the United
States and Canada to move freight efficiently. The term
"road train" is most often used in Australia. In the U.S.
and Canada the terms "triples," "Turnpike doubles" and
"Rocky Mountain doubles" are commonly used for longer
combination vehicles (LCVs). A road train consists of a
relatively conventional tractor unit, but instead of
pulling one trailer or semi-trailer, the road train pulls
two or more of them. There are vehicles of a similar
variety for passengers, often known as land trains or
"trams", but those are relatively lightweight and often
slow vehicles. Click 'HERE' to see several photos of
road trains, and a scary movie trailer about a road
Subj: Blind Man And A Family Wait For A Bus (S364, S610)
From: thebartend on 1/21/2004
and From: gattica30 on 9/18/2008
A husband and wife are waiting
at the bus stop, and with
them are their nine children. A blind man joins them after
a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they discover it to
be overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able
board the bus.
So the husband and the blind
man decide to walk. After a
while the husband gets irritated by the ticking noise the
stick makes as the blind man taps it on the sidewalk and
says to him:
"Why don't you put a piece of
rubber at the end your stick?
That ticking sound is driving me crazy! "
The blind man replies: "If you
would've put a rubber on the
end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut up!
Subj: Blonde Bowling Team Rides A Bus (S472c, DU)
From: mauriceschumacher on 2/1/2006
Two bowling teams, one of all
Blondes and one of all Brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament
in Atlantic City.
The Brunette team rides in the
bottom of the bus. The Blonde
team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below
is whooping it up having a great
time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from
the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reaches the
top, she finds all the Blondes
frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and
clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin'
on up here? We're havin' a
grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes from the second
team looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
Bus Advertizing (S578c)
From: darrellvip on 2/7/2008
Subj: Loosing Your Purse On A Bus (S285b)
From: thebartend on 7/17/2002
As the bus pulled away, Mary
realized she had left her
purse under the seat. Later she called the company and
was relieved that the driver had found her bag.
When she went to pick it up,
several off-duty bus drivers
surrounded her. One man handed her my pocketbook, two
typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of
"We're required to inventory
lost wallets and purses," he
explained. "I think you'll find everything there."
As Mary started to put her belongings
back into the
pocketbook, the man continued,
"I hope you don't mind if we
watch. Even though we all
tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse.
And we'd like to see just HOW you do it."
Little Johnny Rides A City Bus (S381, S566b)
From: mrx on 5/18/2004
from Yahoo! Images
The kid went on with several
animals until the bus driver
got angry and yelled at the kid, "What if your dad was a
faggot and your mom was a whore?"
Johnny smiled and said, "I would be a bus driver."
Subj: Zimbabwea Bus Driver Stops At Bar (S331, DU)
From: DoctorDebt on 6/3/2003
After stopping for drinks at
a bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not
wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.
The above article is an Urban
Legend which can be found at
It's such a good story that I'm still sending it out.
Truck Vs Train (S606b)
If you drive an 18-wheeler and
you stop because the railroad
gates just came down, do you
1) wait for the train to pass?
2) seek an alternative route,
or 3) floor it hoping that at 1 MPH you'll make
it over the track before the train comes?
You can view this rather interesting 1 minute video by
clicking on the either source, or you can view it on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Trucker Picks Up A Hitchhiker (S407)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/3/2004
(Also see 'Bar with Monkey' and
also see 'Alligator Goes To A Bar' in BAR-ANIMALS)
A trucker picks up a hitchhiker
who climbs up in the cab
and notices a monkey on the dashboard. After a few miles,
he asks the driver what the monkey is for.
The driver says "I'll show you,"
and with that he hits the
monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature
rolling across the dash.
The monkey goes down between
the drivers legs, unzips his
pants, pulls out his unit and proceeds to give the trucker
When finished, the monkey pulls
out a tissue, cleans the
driver up, puts everything back and jumps back up on the
"See that?" said the trucker.
The man said, "Yeah."
The trucker ask the man, "You want to try it?"
The man said, "OK, but don't
hit me as hard as you hit that
Subj: Truck Driver Picks Up Girl With Short Shorts (S234)
From: thebartend on 98-06-23 ? 7/24/2001
A big-rig operator stopped to
pick up a girl hitchhiker
wearing REALLY short shorts.
"Say, What's your name,
mister?" she inquired, after she
climbed up in the truck.
"It's Snow----Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours?"
"Me, I'm June----June Hansen," she said.
After a short while she asked,
"Hey, why do you keep sizing
me up with those sidelong glances?"
"Can you imagine what it might
be like," he countered,
....having eight inches of Snow in June?"
Subj: Old Truck Driver At A Diner (DU)
From: ossama on 98-06-17
A grizzled old man was eating
in a truck stop when three
Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the
old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie,
and then took a seat at the counter.
The second walked up to the old
man and spit into the old
man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter. The
third walked up to the old man and turned over the old
man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the
old man quietly left the
diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the
waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much
of a truck driver either.
He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
Subj: Bus Riddle (S415, DU)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/10/2005
(Also see 'School Bus Brain Teaser' in this file)
You're driving a bus that is
leaving on a trip from
Pennsylvania and ending in New York. To start off with,
there were 32 passengers on the bus. At the next bus stop,
11 people get off and 9 people get on. At the next bus stop,
2 people get off and 2 people get on. At the next bus stop,
12 people get on and 16 people get off. At the next bus stop,
5 people get on and 3 people get off. Question: What color
are the bus driver's eyes?
Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes
You are the driver what color is your eyes
Subj: Short Truck-Bus Jokes (DU)
Pearls Before Swine Comic Strip (S733)
By Stephan Pastis
From: WashingtonPost.com on 1/31/2011
School Bus Hits A Bump (S731)
on 1/16/2010 (in School-Supp3)
Oklahoma Truck Supply Sign (S538)
Subj: Federal Express New Job Add (S338b)
From: jerry on 7/17/2003
FedEx will pay you $11/hour to sit in a Federal Express
delivery truck in Santa Rosa, California so the driver
can use the car pool lane.
Wireless News 17-Jul-03
Truck Stopping Hitch Hiker (S462)
Subj: College Paper Earns A 'C' (S300)
From: LABLaughs.com on 10/29/2002
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order
to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
A Yale University management
professor in response to
student Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight
delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express
Peeping At the Bus Stop (S461b)
Subj: School Bus Brain Teaser (S269c)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/25/2002
(Also see 'Bus Riddle' in this file)
You are driving a city bus around town. You pick up 3 people
on your first stop, drop off 2 people and pick up 5 at the
next one. You then pick up 3 people drop off 4. How old is
the bus driver?
Answer: Whatever Your age is.
NEW ORLEANS Bus Driver's Sense Of Humor
From: LABLaughsAdult (S453b)
Patriotic Trucker (S446)
You can view these seven pictures
of the truck at the source
above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
The Garbageman's Movie (S440)
A bus carrying five passengers
was hit by a car in St.
Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene,
fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun
to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it
is illegal to have sex
with a truck driver inside a toll booth.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/14/2002
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of truck payments.............Patti
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/24/2002
"Sometimes I just get so frustrated by the rush hour
traffic that I slam my head on the steering wheel. That's
usually followed by the bus driver telling me to get out."
-- J. Hutter
From: Imogenelumen on 8/1/2003 (S341b)
From the wit of George Carlin
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
..............................Smiley the Truck Driver from Smiley_Central.