Subj: Truck-Bus Jokes
(Includes 29 jokes and articles, 01803n,12,cf,md,10)
Garbage Truck
from
Some New Light Shed
| >>>
Subj: Truck-Bus Jokes (Includes 29 jokes and articles, 01803n,12,cf,md,10) |
|
Garbage Truck from Some New Light Shed |
Also see AUSTRALIAN - 'Cattle
Trains In Australia' - Article/Movie
BAR2 file - 'Truck
Driver Takes Little Man's Drink'
BIG_CATS file- 'Father
And Son At The Tiger Cage'
CARS3 file - 'Final
Words Before Crashes'
COLLEGE2 file- 'Business
Student Earns A 'C''
DRINKING-SUPP- 'Drinking
And Driving'
ELDERLY2 file- 'Old
Man And Punk Rocker On A Bus'
FACTS4 file - 'Russian
Truck Driver Drown In Beer'
FACTS5 file - 'Teens
Rob Bus'
Farmer1 file - 'Farmer
And Truck Driver Have An Accident'
GAYS file - 'Two
Poofs And A Truck Driver In A Accident'
HOOKER file - 'Trucker
Man Goes To A Brothel'
HOOKER2 file - 'Trucker
At Restaurant And Whorehouse'
HORSE file - 'Man
Checks Horses Before Buying'
ITALIAN file - 'Italians
On A Bus'
JOB-STUFF - 'The
Dilemma'
JUDGE file - 'Laughing
Man Goes On Trial'
LAWYER1 file - 'Killing
Lawyers'
MATH4-SUPP2 - 'Train
Bridge'
MATH4-SUPPBUS- 'PUZZLE - Bus
Stop Pictures'
MEN1 file - 'The
Watch'
NERD file - 'Nerd
Season'
NUN1 file - 'A
Nun And A Hippie On A Bus'
.........PEANUTS
file - 'Tour Bus Driver
And Peanuts'
POLITICAL2 - 'Bus
Load Of Politicians Crashes'
PREGNANT file- 'Pregnant
Lady And Farmer Talk On Bus'
......................-
'Pregnant
Lady On A Bus Is Laughed At'
PRIEST1 file - 'A
Priest And A Drunk Reading The Paper'
PRIEST2 file - '2ed,
Priest And Boy Talk About His Collar'
PUSSY file - 'Two
Old Ladies Were Sexually Harassed'
......................-
'Fat
Head At The Ice Cream Shop'
THOUGHTS-QUTD- 'Great
Quotes On Bus Tickets'
WAITER file - 'Trucker's
Breakfast'
WOMAN1 file - 'Lady
Looses Her Handbag II'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Septic Tank Truck Signs (S732)
From: kgilmour2000 on 1/20/2011 Drawing
from SepticTankCleaning.com...
|
 |
These fifteen septic tank truck
signs are very funny.
They remind us that everyone
must maintain a sense of
humor about their work.
Click 'HERE' to view these
photos.
\\\//
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Subj: Fortune
Telling Machine At Bus Stop (S312b, S703)
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/5/2003
While waiting at a bus stop for
a bus, a woman stepped
onto a weight machine that told
your fortune and weight
for a quarter. She put
a quarter in, and out came a
card that read, "Your age is
32, You weigh 135 lbs.,
and you play the fiddle."
She found the fortune amusing,
since she didn't play
the fiddle, but it did have
her age correct. About
that time, an old gentleman
walked up carrying a
fiddle. She asked him
if she could see his fiddle.
He agreed, and to their amazement,
she started playing
the fiddle with great natural
skill. She wondered if
the fortune machine had actually
known something about
her that she didn't. She
thought about it, and decided
to try the weight machine again.
She put another
quarter in the machine, and
out comes the card that
reads: "Your age is 32, you
weigh 135 lbs., and you have
gastritis."
She found this one to be absurd,
as she was in perfect
health, so she goes back to
the bus-stop to wait for her
bus. While sitting there,
she develops abdominal pains
that continue to get worse until
all of a sudden she
farts. She wondered about
the fortune, and again was
curious if the machine was capable
of knowing stuff about
her that she didn't know.
She puts another quarter in
the machine, and out comes a
card that reads: "Your age
is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and
you are about to have sex."
She laughed out loud, as she
had been trying to find a
decent guy to screw for weeks,
with no luck. She is
sitting there waiting for the
bus, when this attractive
young man sits down and immediately
their eyes locked,
and they both knew that they
were right for each other.
They quickly ducked down an
alley and began to screw
like two teenagers. The
woman was so simply amazed at
the ability of the machine,
that she had to try it one
more time. She stood on
the machine, put her last
quarter in, and out came a card
that read: "Your age is
32, you weigh 135 lbs.,you've
fiddled, you've farted,
you've screwed around, and now
you've missed your bus."
\\\//
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Subj: Helping
A Lady On The Bus (S220b, S426b)
From: thebartend on 2/8/2001
In a crowded city at a busy bus
stop, a beautiful young
woman wearing a tight mini skirt
was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was
her turn to get on, she
became aware that her skirt
was too tight to allow her
leg to come up to the height
of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with
a quick smile to the bus
driver, she reached behind her
to unzip her skirt a little,
thinking that this would give
her enough slack to raise her
leg. She tried to take
the step, only to discover that she
couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed,
she once again reached
behind her to unzip her skirt
a little more, and for the
second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin,
she could not raise her
leg. With a little smile
to the driver, she again reached
behind to unzip a little more
and again was unable to take
the step.
About this time, a large Texan
who was standing behind her
picked her up easily by the
waist and placed her gently on
the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned
to the would-be Samaritan and
yelled, "How dare you touch
my body! I don't even know who
you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled,
"Well, ma'am, normally I
would agree with you, but after
you unzipped my fly three
times, I kinda figured we was
friends.
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
Road Train Trucks (S729)
From: darrellvip on 12/31/2010 Photo from MRupp.info |
A road train or roadtrain is
a trucking concept used in
remote areas of Argentina, Australia,
Mexico, the United
States and Canada to move freight
efficiently. The term
"road train" is most often used
in Australia. In the U.S.
and Canada the terms "triples,"
"Turnpike doubles" and
"Rocky Mountain doubles" are
commonly used for longer
combination vehicles (LCVs).
A road train consists of a
relatively conventional tractor
unit, but instead of
pulling one trailer or semi-trailer,
the road train pulls
two or more of them. There
are vehicles of a similar
variety for passengers, often
known as land trains or
"trams", but those are relatively
lightweight and often
slow vehicles. Click 'HERE'
to see several photos of
road trains, and a scary movie
trailer about a road
train.
\\\//
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Subj: Blind
Man And A Family Wait For A Bus (S364, S610)
From: thebartend on 1/21/2004
and
From: gattica30 on 9/18/2008
A husband and wife are waiting
at the bus stop, and with
them are their nine children.
A blind man joins them after
a few minutes. When the
bus arrives, they discover it to
be overloaded and only the wife
and the nine kids are able
board the bus.
So the husband and the blind
man decide to walk. After a
while the husband gets irritated
by the ticking noise the
stick makes as the blind man
taps it on the sidewalk and
says to him:
"Why don't you put a piece of
rubber at the end your stick?
That ticking sound is driving
me crazy! "
The blind man replies: "If you
would've put a rubber on the
end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding
the bus, so shut up!
\\\//
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Subj: Blonde
Bowling Team Rides A Bus (S472c, DU)
From: mauriceschumacher on 2/1/2006
Two bowling teams, one of all
Blondes and one of all Brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus
for a weekend bowling tournament
in Atlantic City.
The Brunette team rides in the
bottom of the bus. The Blonde
team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below
is whooping it up having a great
time, when one of them realizes
she doesn't hear anything from
the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reaches the
top, she finds all the Blondes
frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead
at the road, and
clutching the seats in front
of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin'
on up here? We're havin' a
grand time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes from the second
team looks up and says, "Yeah,
but you've got a driver!"
\\\//
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| Subj:
Bus Advertizing (S578c)
From: darrellvip on 2/7/2008 |
 |
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Subj: Loosing
Your Purse On A Bus (S285b)
From: thebartend on 7/17/2002
As the bus pulled away, Mary
realized she had left her
purse under the seat.
Later she called the company and
was relieved that the driver
had found her bag.
When she went to pick it up,
several off-duty bus drivers
surrounded her. One man
handed her my pocketbook, two
typewritten pages and a box
containing the contents of
her purse.
"We're required to inventory
lost wallets and purses," he
explained. "I think you'll find
everything there."
As Mary started to put her belongings
back into the
pocketbook, the man continued,
"I hope you don't mind if we
watch. Even though we all
tried, none of us could fit
everything into your purse.
And we'd like to see just HOW
you do it."
\\\//
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| Subj:
Little Johnny Rides A City Bus (S381, S566b)
From: mrx on 5/18/2004 . |
 |
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
The kid went on with several
animals until the bus driver
got angry and yelled at the
kid, "What if your dad was a
faggot and your mom was a whore?"
Johnny smiled and said, "I would be a bus driver."
\\\//
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Subj: Zimbabwea
Bus Driver Stops At Bar (S331, DU)
From: DoctorDebt on 6/3/2003
After stopping for drinks at
a bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients
he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to
Bulawayo had escaped. Not
wanting to admit his incompetence,
the driver went to a
nearby bus-stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered
the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.
The above article is an Urban
Legend which can be found at
http://www.snopes.com/spoons/legends/crazybus.htm
It's such a good story that
I'm still sending it out.
\\\//
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 |
Subj:
Truck Vs Train (S606b)
From: BoneheadOfTheDayAward@yahoogroups.com on 8/17/2008 |
If you drive an 18-wheeler and
you stop because the railroad
gates just came down, do you
1) wait for the
train to pass?
2) seek an alternative
route,
or 3) floor it hoping that at
1 MPH you'll make
it over the track before the train comes?
You can view this rather interesting
1 minute video by
clicking on the either source,
or you can view it on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Trucker
Picks Up A Hitchhiker (S407)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/3/2004
(Also see 'Bar
with Monkey' and
also see 'Alligator
Goes To A Bar' in BAR-ANIMALS)
A trucker picks up a hitchhiker
who climbs up in the cab
and notices a monkey on the
dashboard. After a few miles,
he asks the driver what the
monkey is for.
The driver says "I'll show you,"
and with that he hits the
monkey with the back of his
hand, sending the poor creature
rolling across the dash.
The monkey goes down between
the drivers legs, unzips his
pants, pulls out his unit and
proceeds to give the trucker
oral gratification.
When finished, the monkey pulls
out a tissue, cleans the
driver up, puts everything back
and jumps back up on the
dashboard.
"See that?" said the trucker.
The man said, "Yeah."
The trucker ask the man, "You want to try it?"
The man said, "OK, but don't
hit me as hard as you hit that
monkey!"
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Subj: Truck
Driver Picks Up Girl With Short Shorts (S234)
From: thebartend on 98-06-23 ? 7/24/2001
A big-rig operator stopped to
pick up a girl hitchhiker
wearing REALLY short shorts.
"Say, What's your name,
mister?" she inquired, after she
climbed up in the truck.
"It's Snow----Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours?"
"Me, I'm June----June Hansen," she said.
After a short while she asked,
"Hey, why do you keep sizing
me up with those sidelong glances?"
"Can you imagine what it might
be like," he countered,
....having eight inches of
Snow in June?"
\\\//
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Subj: Old
Truck Driver At A Diner (DU)
From: ossama on 98-06-17
A grizzled old man was eating
in a truck stop when three
Hell's Angels bikers walked
in. The first walked up to the
old man and pushed his cigarette
into the old man's pie,
and then took a seat at the
counter.
The second walked up to the old
man and spit into the old
man's milk, and then he took
a seat at the counter. The
third walked up to the old man
and turned over the old
man's plate, and then he took
a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the
old man quietly left the
diner. Shortly thereafter,
one of the bikers said to the
waitress, "Humph, not much of
a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much
of a truck driver either.
He just backed his truck over
three motorcycles."
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Subj: Bus
Riddle (S415, DU)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/10/2005
(Also see 'School Bus
Brain Teaser' in this file)
You're driving a bus that is
leaving on a trip from
Pennsylvania and ending in New
York. To start off with,
there were 32 passengers on
the bus. At the next bus stop,
11 people get off and 9 people
get on. At the next bus stop,
2 people get off and 2 people
get on. At the next bus stop,
12 people get on and 16 people
get off. At the next bus stop,
5 people get on and 3 people
get off. Question: What color
are the bus driver's eyes?
x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x
You are the driver what color is your eyes
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Truck-Bus Jokes (DU)
 |
Subj:
Pearls Before Swine Comic Strip (S733)
By Stephan Pastis From: WashingtonPost.com on 1/31/2011 |
| Subj:
School Bus Hits A Bump (S731)
From: LOLByte on 1/16/2010 (in School-Supp3) |
 |
 |
Subj:
Oklahoma Truck Supply Sign (S538)
From: SCOTCOB on 5/10/2007 |
Top
Subj: Federal
Express New Job Add (S338b)
From: jerry on 7/17/2003
FedEx will pay you $11/hour
to sit in a Federal Express
delivery truck in Santa Rosa,
California so the driver
can use the car pool lane.
Wireless News 17-Jul-03
| Subj:
Truck Stopping Hitch Hiker (S462)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/30/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: College
Paper Earns A 'C' (S300)
From: LABLaughs.com on 10/29/2002
The concept is interesting and
well-formed, but in order
to earn better than a 'C', the
idea must be feasible.
A Yale University management
professor in response to
student Fred Smith's paper proposing
reliable overnight
delivery service (Smith went
on to found Federal Express
Corp.)
 |
Subj:
Peeping At the Bus Stop (S461b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/21/2005 |
Top
Subj: School
Bus Brain Teaser (S269c)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/25/2002
(Also see 'Bus Riddle' in this
file)
You are driving a city bus around
town. You pick up 3 people
on your first stop, drop off
2 people and pick up 5 at the
next one. You then pick
up 3 people drop off 4. How old is
the bus driver?
Answer: Whatever Your age is.
| Subj:
NEW ORLEANS Bus Driver's Sense Of Humor
From: LABLaughsAdult (S453b) on 9/27/2005 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Patriotic Trucker (S446)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/1/2005 |
You can view these seven pictures
of the truck at the source
above, or on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
| Subj:
The Garbageman's Movie (S440)
From: darrell94590 on 6/28/2005 |
 |
A bus carrying five passengers
was hit by a car in St.
Louis, but by the time police
arrived on the scene,
fourteen pedestrians had boarded
the bus and had begun
to complain of whiplash injuries
and back pain.
In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it
is illegal to have sex
with a truck driver inside a
toll booth.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/14/2002
(S259)
If you think nobody cares if
you're alive, try missing a
couple of truck payments.............Patti
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/24/2002
(286b)
"Sometimes I just get so frustrated
by the rush hour
traffic that I slam my head
on the steering wheel. That's
usually followed by the bus
driver telling me to get out."
-- J. Hutter
From: Imogenelumen on 8/1/2003 (S341b)
From the wit of George Carlin
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge,
would they call it Fed UP?
\\\//
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.
............................
..Smiley
the Truck Driver from Smiley_Central.
.
.
