Subj: Vaseline Jokes
(Includes 3 jokes and articles, 28719n,0,cf)
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Also see HARLEY file - 'Family
Dinner And The Harley'
WEDDING-HONEY- 'Carpenter, Electrician And Dentist Play Tricks'
Going To Mom And Dad's For The Honeymoon
From: rfslick on 10/18/2005 (S456b, DU)
from Yahoo! Images
In the morning, little Johnny
gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his
mum if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mum replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and
asks his mum, "Is Fred and
Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mum replies, "Never mind
what you think! Eat your lunch
and go back to school."
After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mum says, "No." Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mum replies, "OK! What do you think?"
He says, "Well, last night Fred
came in and asked for the
Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Subj: Vaseline Salesman And The Farmer (S155, DU)
From: WSelwa on 01/20/2000
(Also see 'Family Dinner' in HARLEY file)
A Vaseline salesman is driving
through the country when his
car starts leaking and loses all its oil. Not knowing what
to do, he fills the engine with Vaseline, thinking that it
is similar to oil, and drives away. It works fine until about
half an hour later when the engine gets real warm and the
Vaseline melts and runs out through the same hole as the oil
did. This time there is a farm nearby so he decides to look
for a phone.
Meanwhile, inside the farmhouse,
the farmer, his wife, and
daughter are having a fight about who's going to do the dishes.
"I did them this morning," complains the farmer. "Well I did
them at lunch," says his wife. "And I'm tired from doing all
the farmwork," says the daughter.
The farmer, in a stroke of brilliance,
decides that they will
settle it by all taking off their clothes, lying on the floor,
and declaring that the first one to speak gets to do the dishes.
The Vaseline saleman gets to
the front door, and rings the bell.
No one answers so he goes in and looks for a phone. He even-
tually stumbles into the kitchen and, ignoring the odd sight,
asks for a phone. No one answers so he goes and looks some
more. Still no luck so he goes back to the kitchen. They still
won't answer so he decides to see what else he can get away
with. He has sex with the daughter several times, bemused by
her silence, then finally goes and looks for the phone again.
A while later, he comes back, looks at the wife, and says, "Why
After having sex with the farmer's
wife, he is getting tired
and exasperated. He thinks, maybe if they have some Vaseline,
I can drive my car for another half-hour. So he asks, "Do you
have any Vaseline?" at which the farmer jumps up and yells,
"I'll do the dishes!"
Subj: Vaseline Survey (S110, S568)
From: humorlist-digest V1 #238 on 97-11-02
A man dressed in a suit comes
up to the front porch of
house juggling a clipboard, some papers, and a briefcase.
He knocks on the door and it's answered by a middle-aged
man, "Mornin' stranger, what can I do for ya?"
"Well sir, I represent Schneller,
Barnum, and Holtz. We
are paid by private companies to canvas thousands of
consumers like yourself for feedback on their products.
Today we're soliciting comments on Vaseline petroleum
jelly. Would you have time to answer just a couple of
"I don't see how a couple of
questions could hurt, fire
away young man." says the homeowner.
Looking down at his clipboard,
the survey-taker asks,
"Okay...first, you do use Vaseline, correct?"
"Yes sir, for as long as I can remember."
"Great, now what exactly do you
use it for?" replies the
survey-taker with his pen poised over his clipboard,
ready to record the answer.
"Let's see.....we use it for
dry skin, chapped lips,
The well-dressed man stops writing
abruptly. He looks
around, leans forward and in a low voice says, "We pride
ourselves in being very thorough sir. I know how you'd
use Vaseline for dry skin and chapped lips. But would
you mind telling me how you use it for sex?"
"No problem," the homeowner says
in a whisper, "we put
it on our bedroom doorknob."
The survey-taker gets a strange
look on his face and
takes a step backwards before the homeowner continues,
"It keeps the kids out."
Subj: Short Vaseline Jokes
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/1/2007 (S559b
First Guy: "Hey, if you went camping with another guy and
woke up with Vaseline around your butt hole,
would you tell anyone?"
Second Guy: "Hell no!"
First Guy: "Want to go camping?"
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