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Subj:     Darwin Awards1 
                 (Includes 32 jokes and articles, 12 1026,2,cf,wXT4,1)

Suzi with Teddy
from
Billy'S MovinG PictureS
Includes the following:  Priest Adelir Antonio - Photo (S1026)
.........................Darwin Awards Rejects - Video (S595c)
.........................2001 Darwin Awards  (S262)
.........................1996 Darwin Award Nominees (DU)
.........................1996 Darwin Award Winner - Rocket Car (S183)
.........................1997 Darwin Award Nominees (DU)
.........................1997 Darwin Award Winner - Baloon ride (S187)
.........................Power Poles And Beer Don't Mix (S188)
.........................More Darwin Award Candidates? (S28)
.........................Potential Darwin Award Nominees  - Metallica (S48)

Also see ACCIDENTS1   - 'Iraq Terrorist Dies'
......................- 'Bizarre Forensic Case'
         ACCIDENTS2   - 'The Dumbest Deaths In Recorded History'
......................- 'Launched On The Fourth Of July ...'
......................- 'Gravity Kills'
......................- 'Deaths At Disney'
......................- 'Man Determined To Commit Suicide'
......................- 'Fun With Beer And Guns'
         FROG file    - 'Freak Accident After Frog Fishing'
         SHIP file    - 'Blonde Boater'
         WORD JOKES2  - 'Chevy Nova Awards'
============================================================Top
Subj:     Priest Adelir Antonio (S1026)
          From: AFine963 on 9/12/2016
 Source: http://9gag.com/gag/aE7KwVn/meet-adelir-antonio
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Top
Subj:     Darwin Awards Rejects (S595c,d)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/13/2008
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/uahUVg12Xmg

 You can view this video of five accidents by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     2001 Darwin Awards  (S262)
          From: JBCARY1 on 2/5/2002

 Honorable Mention: CHARCOAL GRILLED

 October 2001, Florida | A dozen Burger King marketing
 department employees found out first-hand why meat cooks...
 when they burned their feet on hot coals during a fire-
 walking ritual.  It's the heat!

 One woman was hospitalized and the others were treated by
 a doctor summoned to the scene.  The company-sponsored
 event was intended to promote teamwork.  Next time you
 complain about your company's inane team-building exercises,
 remember this story and count yourself lucky.

Top
Subj:     1996 Darwin Award Nominees (DU)
          From: JOELFALLON on  97-02-07

 You may have seen the 1996 nominees before, but the 1995
 nominees are also included at the end, I had not seen them
 before.

 Darwin Awards are (by definition) granted posthumously.
 This citation is bestowed upon (the remains of) that
 individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has
 done the most to remove undesirable elements from the
 human gene pool.

 The 1996 nominees are:

 [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a
 shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's
 windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the
 gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

 [Hickory Daily Record 12/21/92]  Ken Charles Barger, 47,
 accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton,
 N.C.  Upon awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone
 beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed
 instead a Smith ? Wesson .38 Special, which discharged
 when he drew it up to his ear.

 (Died From Farting)
 [Unknown, 25 March]  A terrible diet and room with no
 ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who
 was killed by his own gas.  There was no mark on his body
 but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his
 system.  His diet had consisted primarily of beans and
 cabbage (and a couple of other things).  It was just the
 right combination of foods.  It appears that the man died
 in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was
 hanging over his bed.  Had he been outside or had his
 windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal.  But the
 man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom.  He was
 ". . . a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this
 deadly gas]."  Three of the rescuers got sick and one was
 hospitalized.

 [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]  Man slips, falls 23
 stories to his death.  A man cleaning a bird feeder on his
 balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb
 slipped and fell 23 stories to his death, police said
 Monday.  Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair
 Sunday when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy
 Honer of the Peel regional police.  "It appears the chair
 moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said. "It's
 one of those freak accidents.  No foul play is suspected."

 [UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
 safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed
 through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to
 his death.  A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell
 into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early
 Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the
 building's windows to visiting law students.  Hoy previously
 had conducted demonstrations of window strength according
 to police reports.  Peter Lauwers, managing partner of the
 firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that
 Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-
 man association.

 [AP, Cairo, Egypt, 31 Aug 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP)]  Six
 people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that
 had fallen into a well in southern Egypt.  An 18-year-old
 farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well.  He
 drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water
 pulled him down, police said.  His sister and two brothers,
 none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help
 him, but also drowned.  Two elderly farmers then came to
 help, but they apparently were pulled by the same under-
 current.  The bodies of the six were later pulled out of
 the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south
 of Cairo.  The chicken was also pulled out.  It survived.

 [Times of London] A thief who sneaked into a hospital was
 scarred for life when he tried to get a suntan.  After
 evading security staff at Odstock Hospital in Salisbury,
 Wiltshire, and helping himself to doctor's paging devices,
 the thief spotted a vertical sunbed.  He walked into the
 unit and removed his clothes for a 45-minute tan.  However,
 the high-voltage UV machine at the hospital, which is
 renowned for its treatment of burns victims, has a maximum
 dosage of 10 seconds.  After lying on the bed for almost
 300 times the recommended maximum time, the man was covered
 in blisters.  Hours later, when the pain of the burns became
 unbearable, he went to Southampton General Hospital, 20
 miles away, in Hampshire.  Staff became suspicious because
 he was wearing a doctor's coat.  After tending his wounds
 they called the police.  Southampton police said: "This man
 broke into Odstock and decided he fancied a quick suntan.
 Doctors say he is going to be scarred for life.

 "More intelligence-challenged people"

 45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas,
 after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of
 marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car
 which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change.
 According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't
 realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood
 to change the oil.

 Portsmouth, R.I.  Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a
 string of vending machine robberies in January when he:
  1. fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him
     loitering around a vending machine and
  2. later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.

 Karen Lee Joachimi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida,
 for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel.  She was armed
 with only an electric chainsaw, which was not plugged in.

 The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a robber
 walked into Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50 am,
 flashed a gun and demanded cash.  The clerk turned him
 down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
 without a food order.  When the robber ordered onion rings,
 the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.  The
 robber, frustrated, walked away.

 In case you've forgotten about the nonwinning 1995 nominees,
 some of them are listed below:

 (Repairing Farm Truck)
 *  James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March
 as he was trying to repair what police described as a
 "farm-type truck."  Burns got a friend to drive the truck
 on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could
 ascertain the source of a troubling noise.

 Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other
 man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft." [Kalamazoo
 Gazette, 4-1-95]

 *  Same thing up here in MI.  Seems some poor fella thought
 it would be a good idea to "move" a downed wire from his
 car.  Newspaper reports it took a FULL MINUTE of neighbors
 whacking away at him with a 2x4 to free their freshly fried
 former friend from the fatal flashing.

 (Struck In The Head By A Train)
 *  Bowling Green, Ohio, student Robert Ricketts, 19, had
 his head bloodied when he was struck by a Conrail train.
 He told police he was trying to see how close to the moving
 train he could place his head without getting hit.

 *  In Wesley Chapel, Florida, Joseph Aaron, 20, was hit in
 the leg with pieces of the bullet he fired at the exhaust
 pipe of his car.  While repairing the car,  he needed to
 bore a hole in the pipe.  When he couldn't find a drill, he
 tried to shoot a hole in the exhaust pipe.

Top
Subj:     1996 Darwin Award Winner - Rocket Car (S183)
          From: Internet Joke Archive

 Do you know about the Darwin Awards? - It's an annual honour
 given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service
 by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
 Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke
 machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting
 to tip a free soda out of it.

 The 1996 winner follows:

 The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
 embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the
 apex of a curve.  The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane
 crash, but it was a car.  The type of car was unidentifiable at
 the scene. The lab finally figured out what it was and what had
 happened.

 It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
 Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used
 to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking
 off from short airfields.  He had driven his Chevy Impala out into
 the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road.  Then he
 attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed
 and fired off the JATO!

 The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of
 the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately
 3.0 miles from the crash site.  This was established by the prominent
 scorched and melted asphalt at that location.

 The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
 within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess
 of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25
 seconds.

 The driver, soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced
 G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full
 afterburners, basically causing him to become insignificant for the
 remainder of the event.  However, the automobile remained on the
 straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the
 driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires
 and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming
 airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face
 at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in
 the rock.

 Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small
 fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater
 and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris
 believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

 Epilog:
 It has been calculated that this moron nearly reached Mach I,
 attaining a ground-speed of approximately 420 mph.

Top
Subj:     1997 Darwin Award Nominees (DU)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive 0n 5/31/97

 (Darwin awards are given to people who improve the gene
 pool by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
 stupid way)

 BOTTOM OF THE GENE POOL
 In October in Massapequa Park, N. Y., four men, ages 19-21,
 intending to follow a recipe in the Underground Steroid
 Handbook, failed to wait patiently until the Drano-like
 concoction had reached a satisfactory pH level to make it
 milder.  The four were hospitalized with bad internal
 burns, and the concoction also burned rescuing police
 officers when the four men vomited on them.

 In November in Santa Maria, Tex., Luis Martinez, Jr., 25,
 was stabbed in the neck with a broken bottle by his uncle,
 allegedly to punish Martinez for not sharing his bag of
 Frito's.

 Phillip Johnson, 32, was hospitalized in Prestonburg, Ky.,
 in December with a gunshot wound just above his left nipple,
 which he inflicted upon himself because, as he told para-
 medics, he wanted to see what it felt like.  When the
 paramedics arrived, said the sheriff, they found him
 "screaming about the pain, over and over."

 In November, a 60-year-old Polish man in the village of
 Kosianka Trojanowka, identified only as "Czeslaw B," was
 accidentally shot to death by two homemade guns he had
 mounted on his garage door to ward off trespassers
 (just 2 of 28 booby traps in his house).

 And in Slidell, La., in December, Jason Jinks, 20, decided
 to open his car door and back up at 25 mph in order to look
 for his hat that had just fallen off.  When he hit the
 brakes, he fell out on his head and, three days later,
 died.

 Jeffrey J. Pyrcioch, 19, and an alleged accomplice were
 arrested in West Lafayette, Ind., in May on theft and fraud
 charges.  Pyrcioch allegedly cashed checks that he had
 written with disappearing ink, apparently believing the
 checks would be blank by the time they were presented to
 the bank for collection.  However, traces of ink remained,
 and police said Pyrcioch would have a better chance of
 getting away with it if he had not used checks pre-printed
 with his name and account number on them.

 Funny Speed Bump Stories:
 In July, one or more residents of Wabash Avenue in Medford,
 Ore., installed their own professional-looking (but illegal)
 speed bump on a street where residents had long complained
 unsuccessfully to the government about speeding.

 And a city official in Culemborg, Netherlands, bought six
 sheep in July and stationed them on a busy road at rush hour
 in order to slow down commuter traffic.

 And in August, a Pennsylvania highway road crew inexplicably
 re-paved state road 895 directly over a dead deer near the
 town of Andreas.

Top
Subj:     1997 Darwin Award Winner - Balloon Ride (S187)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-04-14

 DARWIN AWARD WINNER FOR 1997 ANNOUNCED

 You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor
 given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service
 by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

 The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine
 which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip
 out a free soda.

 In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a jet
 engine (JATO) unit to his car and crashed into a cliff several
 hundred feet above the road.

 Now, the 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles-one of the
 few Darwin winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment.
 Larry's boyhood dream was to fly.  When he graduated from high
 school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot.
 Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him.  When he was
 finally discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching
 jets fly over his backyard.

 One day, Larry, had a bright idea.  He decided to fly.  He
 went to the local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45
 weather balloons and several tanks of helium.  The weather
 balloons, when fully inflated, would measure more than four
 feet across.

 Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy
 lawn chair.  He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep
 and inflated the balloons with the helium.  He climbed on for
 a test while it was still only a few feet above the ground.
 Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and
 a six-pack of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun-figuring
 he could pop a few balloons when it was time to descend-and
 went back to the floating lawn chair.  He tied himself in
 along with his pellet gun and provisions.  Larry's plan was
 to lazily float up to a height of about thirty feet above
 his back yard after severing the anchor and in a few hours
 come back down.  Things didn't quite work out that way.

 When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep,
 he didn't float lazily up to 30 or so feet.  Instead he
 streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon.  He did
 not level of at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet.
 After climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet.
 At that height he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons,
 lest he unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble.
 So he stayed there, drifting, cold and frightened, for more
 than 14 hours. Then he really got in trouble.

 He found himself drifting into the primary approach corridor
 of Los Angeles International Airport.  A United pilot first
 spotted Larry.  He radioed the tower and described passing
 a guy in a lawn chair with a gun.

 Radar confirmed the existence of an object floating 11,000
 feet above the airport.

 LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a heli-
 copter was dispatched to investigate.  LAX is right on the
 ocean.  Night was falling and the offshore breeze began to
 flow.  It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in
 hot pursuit.

 Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with Larry.
 Once the crew determined that Larry was not dangerous, they
 attempted to close in for a rescue but the draft from the
 blades would push Larry away whenever they neared.

 Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred
 feet above Larry and lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the
 line and was hauled back to shore.  The difficult maneuver was
 flawlessly executed by the helicopter crew.

 As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by
 waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace.  As he
 was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the
 daring rescue asked why he had done it.  Larry stopped, turned
 and replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around."

 Let's hear it for Larry Waters, the 1997 Darwin Award Winner.

Top
Subj:     Power Poles And Beer Don't Mix (S188)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-04-25

 (Darwin awards are given to people who improve the gene pool
 by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way)

 There are many transmission lines that crisscross Connecticut.
 These are held up by Transmission Towers of various construct-
 ions.  Those most commonly installed near urban areas are
 called "metal Ornamental Towers" (supposedly prettier than
 wood towers).  Sometimes adventurous folks climb the towers
 in order to enjoy the view and the night air.  Most stay away
 from the wires, and when they get bored, come back down.

 Apparently, a man who was forlorn after a recent spat with his
 girlfriend needed some fresh air to clear his head and decided
 to climb a tower.  He stopped for a 6 pack to help clear his
 thoughts, went to a tower south of Hartford, next to I-91, and
 climbed it.

 Public Service employees later pieced the story together.  The
 man sat there 60 feet above the highway, drank his beer and
 consoled his bruised ego.  After 5 beers, he needed to do what
 people often need to do after 5 beers.  It being such a long
 hike down, he unzipped and did his business right there off the
 tower.

 Electricity is a funny thing.  One doesn't need to touch a wire
 in order to get shocked.  Depending on conditions, 115,000 volt
 lines,like those supported by the tower, could shock a person
 as far away as 6 feet.

 When the man "whizzed" near the conductor (wire), the power
 arced up his "stream" (urine is an excellent conductor of
 electricity), traveled up to his private parts, and blew him
 off the tower.

 The guys at the power company noted a momentary outage on this
 line and sent repairmen to see if there was any damage.  When
 they got to the scene of the accident, they found a very dead
 person, his fly down, what was left of his private parts
 smoking, and a single beer left on top.

Top
Subj:     More Darwin Award Candidates? (S28)
          From: grs on 97-08-01

 THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the
 remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-
 sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements
 from the human gene pool.

 Here are some current candidates:

 (Skiing Death)
 [AP, Mammoth Lakes, CA] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when
 he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while
 riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities said.
 Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela
 Mammoth Hospital.  The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the
 Mono County Sheriff's Department said.

 Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run
 called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors
 from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the
 Mammoth Lakes Police Department.  The pads are used to
 protect skiers who might hit the towers.  The group
 apparently used  the pads to slide down the ski slope and
 Hubal crashed into a tower.  It  has since been investigated
 that the tower he hit was the one with its pad  removed.

 --------------------------

 Death By Hot Dog

 [AP, St. Louis, MO] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
 disorderly in a St. Louis market.  When the clerk threatened
 to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his
 mouth, and walked out without paying for it.  Police found
 him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed
 the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked
 him to death.

 --------------------------

 Man's Looses Face at Party

 [Associated Press, Kincaid, W. VA] A man at a party popped
 a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an
 explosion that blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state
 police said Wednesday.

 Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a
 prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.
 Payne.  "Another man had it in an aquarium, hooked to a
 battery, and was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It
 wouldn't go off and this guy said, "I'll show you how to
 set it off."

 "He put it in his mouth and bit down.  It blew all his
 teeth off, his tongue and his lips," Payne said. Stromyer
 was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive
 facial injuries, according to a spokesman at Charleston
 Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing
 something like that,"  Payne said.

 -------------------------
 (Shot In Head With Arrow)
 [UPI, Portland, OR] Doctors at Portland's University
 Hospital said Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the
 skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive, and will
 be released soon from the hospital.

 Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during
 an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men
 Anonymous, in Grants Pass, Ore.  A friend tried to shoot a
 beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' right
 eye.

 Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left,
 a major blood vessel would have cut and Roberts would have
 died instantly.

 Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital
 in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of
 brain, with the tip protruding at the rear of his skill, yet
 somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels.

 Delashaw also said had Robert tried to pull the arrow out
 on his own he surely would have killed himself.

 Roberts admitted afterwards he and his friends had been
 drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb
 about this."

 No charges have been filed but the Josephine County district
 attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under
 investigation.

Top
Subj:     Potential Darwin Award Nominees (S48)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/31/97

 (Dying at a Medtallica concert)
 Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading
 up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake (24) and his friend,
 Ormond D. Young (27) at the Metallica concert last Friday.
 Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater
 after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of
 Young at the bottom of a 20 ft drop.  Young was found with
 severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, ? a
 branch in his anal cavity.  He also had been stabbed and
 his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the
 ground; adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained
 scene.

 According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye Appleton, Uhlenake
 and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert.
 When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to
 stay in the lot and drink. Once the show began, and after
 the two had consumed 18 beers between the two of them, they
 hit upon the idea of scaling the 7 foot wooden security fence
 around the perimeter of the site and sneak in.

 They apparently moved the truck up to the edge of the fence
 and decided that Young would go over first and assist Uhlenake
 later.  They had not counted on the fact that while it was a
 7 foot fence on the parking lot side, there was a 23 foot drop
 on the other side. Young, who weighed 255 lbs and was quite
 inebriated, had jumped up and over the fence and promptly fell
 about half the 23 foot distance before a large tree branch
 broke his fall AND his left forearm; unfortunately, he also
 managed to get his shorts caught on the branch.  Since he was
 now in a lot of pain and with no way to extricate himself and
 his shorts from the tree, he decided, seeing bushes down below,
 to cut his shorts off and fall to the ground.  Upon cutting the
 last bit of fabric from himself, he suddenly plummeted to earth,
 losing grip of the knife.  The "soft" bushes were actually
 holly bushes and landing in them caused a massive number of
 cuts.  He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly
 bush branch; effectively impaling himself.  The knife, which he
 had accidentally released 15 ft up, now landed and stabbed him
 in his left thigh. Apparently, he was in a lot of pain.

 Enter his friend Robert. Uhlenake had apparently observed the
 last bit of this and, despite his inebriated state, realized
 that Young was in trouble.  He hit upon the idea of lowering a
 rope to his friend and pull him up and over the fence.  This
 was complicated by the fact that Uhlenake was outweighed by his
 friend by a good 100 lbs. Again, despite his state he realized
 he could use their truck to pull Young out.  Unfortunately,
 because of his state, Uhlenake put the truck in reverse, rather
 than drive, broke through the fence, landed on Young (killing
 him), was thrown out of the truck and subsequently died of
 internal injuries.

 "So that's how a dead 255 lb man with no pants on, with a truck
 on top of him and a stick up his ass came to be" said
 Commissioner Appleton. "The gene pool could use a little
 chlorine, you wouldn't believe what we found on the bottom"

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
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..............................From Smiley_Central
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