Subj: Darwin Awards2
(Includes 50 jokes and articles, 23771n,0,cf)
Teddy with Suzi
Billy'S MovinG PictureS
Subj: 2000 Darwin Nominees: (S209)
From: ICohen on 1/29/2001
The Darwin Awards, for those
not familiar, are for those
individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest
by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they
have a chance to breed.
1. A young Canadian man from
Newfoundland, searching for a
way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with
which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not sur-
prisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion
and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his
2. A 34-year-old white male found
dead in the basement of
his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was
approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was
wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle
shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying
to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing
military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and
a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the
hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube
approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end
was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and
was the cause of his suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining
the circumstances of
his death to his family very awkward.
(Strange Plane Crash)
3. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at
low altitude when another plane approached. It appears
that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane,
but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They
were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
around their ankles.
4. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She
had no details before arriving, except that someone had
reported that his father was not breathing. Upon arrival,
the officer found the man facedown on the couch, naked.
When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start
CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals.
After the ambulance arrived and
removed the man - who was
declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made
a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man
had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the
couch over, they discovered what caused his death. Appar-
ently the man had a habit of putting his penis between the
cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical
sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge
shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.
5. A 27-year-old French woman
lost control of her car on a
highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously
injuring her passenger and killing herself. As a common-
place road accident, this would not have qualified for a
Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the
driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi
key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food
as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct
buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her
6. A 22-year-old Reston, VA man
was found dead after he
tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot
railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia,
a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together,
wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to
the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the
pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was
found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assem-
bled was greater than the distance between the trestle and
the ground", Carmichael said. Police say the apparent
cause of death was "Major trauma".
7. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems
that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using
the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt, a
future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
8. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management
evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential
sources of ignition lights, power, etc. After the building
had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found
they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their
frustration, none of the lights worked (you can see what's
coming, can't you?). Witnesses later described the sight
of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in
the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three
Nothing was found of the technicians,
but the lighter was
virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of
as 'bright' by his peers.
Subj: The 1999 Darwin Award Winner Is . . . (S164)
From: RFSlick on 3/18/00
(Telephone Relay Night Watchman
THOMPSON, MANITOBA, CANADA.
Telephone relay company night watchman Edward Baker, 31, was
killed early Christmas morning by excessive microwave radiation
exposure. He was apparently attempting to keep warm next to a
Baker had been suspended on a
safety violation once last year,
accordingto Northern Manitoba Signal Relay spokesperson Tanya
Cooke. She noted that Bakers earlier infraction was for defeat-
ing a safety shut-off switch and entering a restricted main-
tenance catwalk in order to stand in front of the microwave dish.
He had told coworker's that it was the only way he could stay
warm during his twelve-hour shift at the station, where winter
temperatures often dip to forty below zero.
Microwaves can heat water molecules
within human tissue in the
sameway that they heat food in microwave ovens. For his Christmas
shift, Baker reportedly brought a twelve pack of beer and a plastic
lawn chair, which he positioned directly in line with the strongest
microwave beam. Baker had not been told about a tenfold boost in
microwave power planned that night to handle the anticipated
increase in holiday long-distance callingtraffic.
Bakers body was discovered by
the daytime watchman, John Burns, who
was greeted by an odor he mistook for a Christmas roast he thought
Baker must have prepared as a surprise. Burns also reported to
NMSR company officialsthat Bakers unfinished beers had exploded.
Subj: Darwin Award Candidates? (S137)
From: JCary on 09/11/1999
1. A fierce gust of wind
blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car
into a river near Naples, Italy in 1983. He managed to
break out a window, climb out and swim to shore-- where a
tree blew over and killed him.
2. Mike Stewart, 31, of
Dallas was filming a public service
movie in 1983 on "The Dangers of Low-level Bridges" when
the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge
-- killing him.
3. Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old
store clerk in Leeds, England
was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow
worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the
jaw. The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head,
and he died of a fractured skull.
4. George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I.
narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his
factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor
injuries, he returned to the scene to search for his files.
The remaining wall then collapsed on him, killing him instantly.
5. Depressed since he couldn't
find a job, 42-year-old Romolo
Ribolla sat in his kitchen near Pisa, Italy with a gun in
his hand, threatening to kill himself in 1981. His wife
pleaded for him not to do it and after about an hour, he burst
into tears and threw the gun to the floor. It went off and
killed his wife.
(Also see 'Mrs. Carson's Funeral' in ACCIDENTS1)
6. In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Cachexia, N.Y. was laid out in
her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease. As mourners
watched, she suddenly sat up. Her daughter dropped dead of
7. A man hit by a car in
New York City in 1977 got up uninjured,
but laid back down in front of the car when a bystander told
him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect insurance money.
The car then rolled forward and crushed him to death.
8. Surprised while burgling
a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief
fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall,
dropped down, and found himself in the city prison.
(Also see 'Irishman Hit By Four Cars' in ACCIDENTS1
9. In 1976, a 22-year-old Irishman, Bob Finnegan was crossing the
busy Falls Road in Belfast, when he was struck by a taxi and
flung over its roof. The taxi drove away and, as Finnegan lay
stunned in the road, another car ran into him, rolling him into
the gutter. It too drove on. As a knot of gawkers gathered to
examine the magnetic Irishman, a delivery van plowed through
the crowd, leaving in its wake 3 injured bystanders, and an
even more battered Bob Finnegan. When a fourth vehicle came
along, the crowd wisely scattered and only one person was hit--
Bob Finnegan. In the space of two minutes, Finnegan suffered
a fractured skull, broken pelvis, broken leg, and other
assorted injuries. Hospital officials said he would recover.
(Hungarian Railroad Accident)
10. While motorcycling through the Hungarian countryside, Cristo
Falatti came up to a railway border crossing just as the
crossing gates were coming down. While he sat idling, he was
joined by a farmer with a goat, which the farmer tethered to
the crossing gate. A few minutes later a horse and cart drew
up behind Falatti, followed in short order by a man in a
sports car. When the train roared through the crossing, the
horse startled and bit Falatti on the arm. Not a man to be
trifled with, Falatti responded by punching the horse in the
head. In consequence, the horse's owner jumped down from the
cart and began scuffling with the cyclist. The horse, which
was not up to this kind of excitement, backed away briskly,
smashing the cart into the sports car. At this, the sports
car driver came forward to try to pacify the three flailing
men. As he did so, the crossing gate rose and the goat was
strangled. At last report, the insurance companies were
trying to sort out the claims.
(Also see 'German Head-On Collision' in Accidents1)
11. Two German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision
in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh. Each was
guiding his car at a snail's pace from opposite directions but
both in the middle of the road. At the moment of impact, their
heads were both out the windows where they smacked together.
Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries. The cars
12. In a case of "one thing
leading to another", seven men, aged
18 to 27 years, received jail sentences of 3-4 years each in
Kingston-on-Thames, England in 1979, after a fight started
when one of the men threw a French fry at another while they
stood waiting for a train.
13. Hitting on the novel idea
he could end his wife's incessant
nagging by giving her a good scare, Hungarian Jake Fen built
an elaborate harness to make it look as if he had hanged him-
self. When his wife came home and saw him, she fainted.
Hearing a disturbance, a neighbor came over and, finding what
she thought were two corpses, seized the opportunity to loot
the place. As she was leaving the room, her arms laden, the
outraged and suspended Mr. Fen kicked her in the backside.
This so surprised the lady that she dropped dead of a heart
attack. Mr Fen was acquitted of manslaughter, and he and his
wife were reconciled.
(Also see 'Its A Bad Day When......' in Accidents1)
14. A few years ago in California there was a raging brush fire.
Once the fire was extinguished the firefighters began the
process of clean-up. In the middle of where the fire had
been burning, they found a man wearing a scuba tank and wet
suit. At first the firefighters were baffled as to why a
man would be in the middle of the country side wearing full
scuba gear. Upon further examination, it was determined
that the man died from the impact with the ground and not
the fire. As best as anyone could determine, this man was
scuba diving off the coast of California and was accidentally
picked up by the firefighting aircraft when it was refilling
its water tanks offshore.
Subj: 1998 Darwin Award Winner- Pumping (S101)
From: scott_pryor on 99-01-03
Japan Times-April 16, 1997
"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of
'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital
told reporters. "If this perversion catches on, it will
destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood." He was speaking
after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak
had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room.
"Most 'Pumpers' use a standard
bicycle pump," he explained,
"inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves
a rush of air, creating a momentary high. This act is a sin
It appears that the young Charnchai
took it further still.
He started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that
wasn't exciting enough for him, so he boasted to friends
that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby
gasoline station. They dared him to do it, so, under
cover of darkness, he sneaked in.
Not realizing how powerful the
machine was, he inserted the
tube deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot.
As a result, he died virtually instantly, leaving passers-by
still in shock. One woman thought she was watching a
twilight fireworks display, and started clapping.
"We still haven't located all
of him", say the police
authorities. "When that quantity of air interacted with
the gas in his system, he nearly exploded. It was like
an atom bomb went off or something."
"Pumping is the devil's pastime,
and we must all say no to
Satan," Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all
means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt
Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak,
1998 Darwin Award recipient!
Subj: Other 1998 Darwin Nominees: (S101)
From: RFSlick on 98-09-27
They have finally been released!
For those not familiar
with the Darwin Award - It's an annual honor given to the
person whose done the universal human gene pool the biggest
service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid
way. As always, competitionthis year has been keen again.
Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
1. In September in Detroit, a
41-year-old man got stuck and
drowned in two feet of water after squeezing his head first
through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys
(Running off a cliff)
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
"totally zoned out when he ran," according to his wife,
accidentally jogged off a 200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on
a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole
he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.
Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or
protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach
chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to
claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but
could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc,
CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle
shop he was burgling. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands
free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick
Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet
Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife
could not penetrate the flakvest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr , 26,
was killed in February in
Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he
would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger.
7. In February, according to
police in Windsor, Ont, Daniel
Kolta,27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision,
thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing
with their snowmobiles.
8. In September, a 7-year-old
boy fell off a 100-foot-high
bluff near Ozark, Ark, after he lost his grip swinging on a
cross that marked the spot where another person had fallen
to his death in 1990.
(Flashing Your Breasts)
9. AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of
bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head
wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with
a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms
and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and
Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had
been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off
for his first day of work and, in addition to a good-bye
kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm still not sure
why I did it," she said later. "I was really close to the
car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it could
not have been for more than two seconds."
However, cab driver Vegas did
see, and lost control of his
cab, running over the curb and into the corner of the
Johnson Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental
technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The crash of
the cab against the building made her jump, tearing
Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit
down, severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's
wound was caused by a falling piece of the medical building.
10. TAOS, NM - A woman went to
a poison control center after
eating three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was
so bad she had to draw a picture describing how she believed
she had poisoned herself. A translator arrived shortly
thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie
Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or
gum, being unable to read the foil wrappers. After the
third one, she realized something was wrong when her throat
and mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting foam. She ran
for the Poison Control Center, only a few blocks away where
doctors were able to flush the foam from her mouth, throat,
and stomach with no ill effects.
11. TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a person
who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and a
least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought bungee rope. Bingham,
who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of cable had been left near the railing. Bingham's
leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into
the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
"All I can say," explained Bingham, "is that God was watching
out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation
for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
12. On February 3, 1990, a Renton,
Washington man tried to
commit a robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as
suggested by the fact that he had no previous record of
violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choices as
1. The target was H?J Leather ? Firearms, a gun shop;
2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a
substantial portion of the adult population is
licensed to carry concealed handguns in public places;
3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked
Police patrol car parked at the front door;
4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the
counter, having coffee before reporting to duty.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
holdup and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a
clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the gene
pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but
didn't fire. No one else was hurt.
(Also see 'Man Determined To Commit Suicide' in ACCIDENDS2)
13. In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance
when he decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of
a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied
the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some
poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot
himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol.
The bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope
above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into
the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and
made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the water
by a kind fisherman, and was taken to hospital, where he
died - of hypothermia.
DARWIN AWARD HONOURABLE MENTIONS
1) In Guthrie, Okla , in October, Jason Heck tried to kill
a millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the
bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal
Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting
to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a
broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that
burned the first and second floors of his house.
3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township,
NJ, in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by
a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car.
While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the
window was closed.
4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an
annual festival in November includes five days of amateur
bullfighting. This year, no bull was killed, but dozens
of matadors were injured, including one gored in the head
and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one
bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons".
Subj: 1997 Darwin Nominees: (S79)
From: RFSlick on 98-08-03
THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every
year to bestow upon (the
remains) of those individuals, who through single-minded
self-sacrifice, have done the most to remove undesirable
elements from the human gene pool.
1997 DARWIN NOMINEES:
(# 1) Los Angeles, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother
decided to remove a bees nest from a shed on their property
with the aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal
firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one-half
stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to
watch from inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet
away from the hive/shed.
The concussion of the explosion
shattered the window
inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki
need stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby
hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung
three times by the surviving bees.
Unbeknownst to either brother,
Ani was allergic to bee
venom, and died of Suffocation enroute to the hospital.
(# 2) Derrick L. Richards, 28,
was charged in April in
Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his
beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police,
Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a
semiautomatic pistol (instead of the more traditional
revolver) to Ken's head and fired.
(Eating A Pastie)
(# 3) Phillipsburg, NJ. An unidentified 29 year old male
choked to death on a sequined pastie he had orally removed
from an exotic dancer at a local establishment. "I didn't
think he was going to eat it," the dancer identified only
as "Ginger" said, adding "He was really drunk."
(# 4) MOSCOW, Russia-A drunk
security man asked a colleague
at the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his
bulletproof vest to see if it would protected him against a
knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old guard died of a
heart wound. (It's good to see the Russians getting into the
spirit of the Darwin Awards.)
1997 DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
Gulf Breeze, Florida, three unidentified teenage males were
using a home video camera to film an action/adventure
"movie" one of the boys had written. In a scene that called
for each character to be ignited by fire, the "special
effects coordinator," age 15, prepared the "stunt" youth by
dousing lighter fluid onto his clothes.
The intentional fire, which proved
unexpectedly difficult to
extinguish, left the young man with third degree burns on
his left arm, torso, and both legs. It was all captured on
In Bradford, PA, J. Cruwe, 28, caught a small snake in a
container which he handed to his wife. She opened the
container and, startled to see the snake, dropped it. The
excited and poisonous snake immediately bit Mr. Cruwe on the
shin. Mr Cruwe survived the wound and recovered after a
short visit to the local emergency room.
In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer
and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned
by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon
that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired
their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group
fired, the animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage
pipe some 100 feet away from Mr.Michaels' deck. Determined
to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of
gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke
the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite
the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can down
the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to no avail. Not one
to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr. Michaels
proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the
sloping pipe to toss the match.
The subsequent rapidly expanding
fireball propelled Mr.
Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much higher
rate of speed. He exited the angled pipe "like a Polaris
missile leaves a submarine," according to witness Joseph
McFadden, 31. Mr. Michaels was launched directly over his
own home, right over the heads of his astonished friends,
onto his front lawn. In all, he traveled over 200 feet
through the air. "There was a Doppler Effect to his scream
as he flew over us," McFadden reported, "followed by a loud
thud." Amazingly, he suffered only minor injuries. "It was
actually pretty cool," Michaels said, "Like when they shoot
someone out of a cannon at the circus. I'd do it again if I
was sure I wouldn't get hurt."
(Also see 'Falling Cow' in ACCIDENTS2)
Earlier this year, the dazed crew of a Japanese trawler were
plucked out of the Sea of Japan clinging to the wreckage of
their sunken ship. Their rescue, however, was followed by
immediate imprisonment once authorities questioned the
sailors on their ship's loss.
To a man they claimed that a
cow, falling out of a clear
blue sky, had struck the trawler amidships, shattering its
hull and sinking the vessel within minutes. They remained
in prison for several weeks, until the Russian Air Force
reluctantly informed Japanese authorities that the crew of
one of its cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow
wandering at the edge of a Siberian airfield, forced the cow
into the plane's hold and hastily taken off for home.
Unprepared for live cargo, the Russian crew was ill-equipped
to manage a now rampaging cow within its hold. To save the
aircraft and themselves, they shoved the animal out of the
cargo hold as they crossed the Sea of Japan at an altitude
of 30,000 feet.
Subj: Another Darwin Award Winner (elephant) (S223)
From: gheckman on 5/3/2001
(Also see 'Elephant Shit Kills Trainer' in ELEPHANT)
PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt
fed his constipated elephant 'Stefan' 22 doses of animal
laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes
before the plugged-up elephant finally let fly and suffocated
the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich,
46, was attempting to
give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved
beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a
rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate
his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police
detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came
along, and during that time he suffocated. "It seems to be just
one of those freak accidents that happen."
|Smiley scared to death from