Subj:     Accidents1
                 (Includes 28 jokes and articles, 13965,6,cf,wXT2,3)

Gun w/Cold from
Includes the following:  The Dangers of Selfie Sticks - 2 Videos(S965)
.........................Car Crash Compilation #8 In HD - Video (S573c)
.........................Rudy The Cat And The Kitchen Sink (S493b)
.........................Iraq Terrorist Dies (S89)
.........................Amazing Accidents
.........................Its A Bad Day When..... (S452, S805)
.........................Gerbil Sex (S82)
.........................Crime Never Pays
.........................Bizarre Forensic Case (S10, S790)
.........................Man Has Three Accidents In One Day (S16, S805)
.........................Stuck In A Cat Door
.........................The Bricklayer (S29, S374)
.........................Brainless Acts
.........................Patients Die On Friday Morning (S314, S587)
.........................Darwin Awards Rejects - Video (S595c)

Also see BIRD-DUCKS   - 'Two Brain Surgeons Go Duck Hunting'
         BUGS & SPIDER- 'Woman fights cockroach'
         HOSPITAL2    - 'Emergency Room Stories'
         FROG file    - 'Freak Accident After Frog Fishing'
         PENIS2 file  - 'Dick caught in toilet paper dispensor'
         POLICE1 file - 'Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?!'
         SKING file   - 'First Date Sking'
         SHIPS file   - 'The Tugboat Vs The Bridge'
         SWIMMING file- 'Bad Day At The Office'
Subj:     The Dangers of Selfie Sticks (S965d2)
          Created by pizzahut
          From: Valorie Calton on Facebook
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/FXKYvh543LU
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/city
 source3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fmQs37YqXg

 Pizza Hut's short trailer on the dangers of Selfie Sticks is very cute.
.......Click 'HERE' to see the twenty second version,
..........or 'HERE' for the full, two minute trailer.
Subj:     Car Crash Compilation #8 In HD (S573c,d)
          From: tom on 1/11/2008
Photo from YouTube.com...
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/wQPscrO6EBU

 Car crashes from movies and TV-series in HD. Music: 'Buried
 Alive' by Ready,Set,Fall.  Click 'HERE' to view it.

Subj:     Rudy The Cat And The Kitchen Sink (S493b)
          From: auntiegah on 7/7/2006

 This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got
 his head stuck in the garbage disposal.  I knew at the time
 that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so
 let me tell you right up front that he's fine.  Getting him
 out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous
 home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight
 veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours
 of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

 My husband Rich and I had just returned from a 5 day vacation
 in the Cayman Islands--where I had been sick as a dog the
 whole time. We arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later
 than we had planned because of airline problems I still had
 illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays,
 had not been able to prepare for the class I was supposed to
 teach at 8:40 the next morning.

 I sat down at my desk to think about William Carlos Williams,
 and around ten o'clock I heard Rich hollering from the kitchen.
 I raced over to see what was wrong and spied Rich frantically
 rooting around under the kitchen sink and Rudy--or, rather,
 Rudy's headless body--scrambling around in the sink, his claws
 clicking in panic on the metal and his head stuck in the
 garbage disposal. Rich had just ground up the skin of some
 smoked salmon in the disposal, and when he left the room,
 Rudy (who always was a pinhead) had gone in after it.

 It is very disturbing to see the headless body of your cat in
 the sink.  This is an animal that I have slept with nightly
 for ten years, who burrows under the covers and purrs against
 my side, and who now looked like a fur-covered turkey carcass,
 defrosting in the sink while it's still alive and kicking.  It
 was also disturbing to see Rich, Mr. Calm-in-any-Emergency, at
 his wit's end, trying to simultaneously soothe Rudy and undo
 the garbage disposal, and failing at both, and basically
 freaking out.  Adding to the chaos was Rudy's twin brother
 Lowell, also upset, racing around in circles, jumping onto the
 kitchen counter and alternately licking Rudy's butt for comfort
 and biting it out of fear. Clearly, I had to do something.

 First we tried to ease Rudy out of the disposal by lubricating
 his head and neck with Johnson's baby shampoo (kept on hand
 for my nieces' visits) and butter-flavored Crisco. Both failed,
 and a now-greasy Rudy kept struggling.  Rich then decided to
 take apart the garbage disposal, which was a good idea, but he
 couldn't do it. Turns out, the thing is constructed like a metal
 onion: you peel off one layer and another one appears, with
 Rudy's head still buried deep inside, stuck in a hard plastic

 My job during this process was to sit on the kitchen counter
 petting Rudy, trying to calm him, with the room spinning
 (vertigo), Lowell howling (he's part Siamese), and Rich
 clattering around under the sink with his tools.  When all our
 efforts failed, we sought professional help. I called our
 regular plumber, who actually called me back quickly, even at
 11 o'clock at night (thanks, Dave).  He talked Rich through
 further layers of disposal dismantling, but still we couldn't
 reach Rudy

 I called the 1-800 number for Insinkerator (no response), a
 pest removal service that advertises 24-hour service (no
 response), an all-night emergency veterinary clinic (who had
 no experience in this matter), and finally, in desperation,
 9-1-1.  I could see that Rudy's normally pink paw pads were
 turning blue.  The fire department, I figured, gets cats out
 of trees; maybe they could get one out of a garbage disposal.
 The dispatcher had other ideas and offered to send over two
 policemen.  The cops arrived close to midnight and turned
 out to be quite nice.  More importantly, they were also able
 to think rationally, which we were not. They were, of course,
 astonished by the situation.

 "I've never seen anything like this," Officer Mike kept
 saying. (The unusual circumstances helped us get quickly on
 a first-name basis with our cops.)  Officer Tom, who
 expressed immediate sympathy for our plight ("I've had cats
 all my life," he said), also had an idea.  Evidently we
 needed a certain tool a tiny, circular rotating saw, that
 could cut through the heavy plastic flange encircling Rudy's
 neck without hurting Rudy. Officer Tom happened to own one.
 "I live just five minutes from here," he said. "I'll go get

 He soon returned, and the three of them--Rich and the two
 policemen--got under the sink together to cut through the
 garbage disposal.  I sat on the counter, holding Rudy and
 trying not to succumb to the surreal-ness of the scene,
 with the weird middle-of-the-night lighting, the room's
 occasional spinning, Lowell's spooky sound effects, an
 apparently headless cat in my sink and six disembodied
 legs poking out from under it. One good thing came of this:
 the guys did manage to get the bottom off the disposal, so
 we could now see Rudy's face and knew he could breathe.
 But they couldn't cut the flange without risking the cat.
 Stumped. Officer Tom had another idea. "You know," he said,
 "I think the reason we can't get him out is the angle of
 his head and body. (you can see where this is going, can't
 you?) "If we could just get the sink out," he continued,
 "and lay it on its side, I'll bet we could slip him out."
 That sounded like a good idea--at this point, ANYTHING
 would have sounded like a good idea--and as it turned out,
 Officer Mike runs a plumbing business on weekends; he knew
 how to take out the sink!  Again they went to work, the
 three pairs of legs sticking out from under the sink,
 surrounded by an ever-increasing pile of tools and sink

 They cut the electrical supply, capped off the plumbing
 lines, unfastened the metal clamps, unscrewed all the
 pipes, and about an hour later, voila!  The sink was
 lifted gently out of the countertop, with one guy holding
 the garbage disposal which contained Rudy's head) up
 close to the sink (which contained Rudy's body).  We laid
 the sink on its side, but even at this more favorable
 angle, Rudy stayed stuck.  Officer Tom's radio beeped,
 calling him away on some kind of real police business.
 As he was leaving, though, he had another good idea. "You
 know," he said, "I don't think we can get him out while
 he's struggling so much.  We need to get the cat sedated
 If he were limp, we could slide him out."  And off he
 went, regretfully, a cat lover still worried about Rudy.
 The remaining three of us decided that getting Rudy sedated
 was a good idea, but Rich and I were new to the area.  We
 knew that the overnight emergency veterinary clinic was
 only a few minutes away, but we didn't know exactly how
 to get there. "I know where it is!" declared Officer Mike.
 "Follow me!"

 So Mike got into his patrol car, Rich got into the driver's
 seat of our car, and I got into the back, carrying the
 kitchen sink, what was left of the garbage disposal, and
 Rudy.  It was now about 2:00 a.m. We followed Officer
 Mike for a few blocks when I decided to put my hand into
 the garbage disposal to pet Rudy's face, hoping I could
 comfort him.  Instead, my sweet, gentle bedfellow chomped
 down on my finger really hard and wouldn't let go.  My
 scream reflex kicked into gear. Rich slammed on the brakes,
 hollering What? What happened? Should I stop?" "No," I
 managed to get out between screams, "just keep driving.
 Rudy's biting me, but we've got to get to the vet. Just
 go!"  Rich turned his attention back to the road, where
 Officer Mike took a turn we hadn't expected, and we
 followed.  After a few minutes Rudy let go, and as I
 stopped screaming, I looked up to discover that we were
 wandering aimlessly through an industrial park, in and
 out of empty parking lots, past little streets that did
 not look at all familiar. "Where's he taking us?" I asked.
 "We should have been there ten minutes ago!"  Rich was as
 mystified as I was, but all we knew to do was follow the
 police car until, finally, he pulled into a church parking
 lot and we pulled up next to him.  As Rich rolled down the
 window to ask Officer Mike, where are were going, the cop,
 who was not Mike, rolled down his window and asked, Why
 are you following me?"

 Once Rich and I recovered from our shock at having tailed
 the wrong cop car and the policeman from his pique at
 being stalked, he led us quickly to the emergency vet,
 where Mike greeted us by holding open the door, exclaiming
 Where were you guys???"

 It was lucky that Mike got to the vet's ahead of us, because
 we hadn't thought to call and warn them about what was
 coming. (Clearly, by this time we weren't really thinking
 at all.) We brought in the kitchen sink containing Rudy,
 and the garbage disposal containing his head, and the
 clinic staff was ready.  They took his temperature (which
 was down 10 degrees) and his oxygen level (which was half
 of normal), and the vet declared, "This cat is in serious
 shock.  We've got to sedate him and get him out of there
 immediately." When I asked if it was OK to sedate a cat
 in shock, the vet said grimly, "We don't have a choice."

 With that, he injected the cat. Rudy went limp and the
 vet squeezed about half a tube of K-Y jelly onto the
 cat's neck and pulled him free.  Then the whole team
 jumped into "code blue" mode. (I know this from watching
 a lot of ER.)  They laid Rudy on a cart where one person
 hooked up IV fluids, another put little socks on his
 paws ("You'd be amazed how much heat they lose through
 their footpads," she said), one covered him with hot
 water bottles and a blanket, and another took a blow-
 dryer to warm up Rudy's now very gunky head.  The fur
 on his head dried in stiff little spikes, making
 him look pathetically punk as he lay there, limp and
 motionless.  At this point they sent Rich, Mike, and
 me to sit in the waiting room while they tried to
 bring Rudy back to life.  I told Mike he didn't have
 to stay, but he just stood there, shaking his head.
 "I've never seen anything like this," he said again
 and again.

 At about 3 a.m., the vet came in to tell us that the
 prognosis was good for a full recovery.  They needed
 to keep Rudy overnight to re-hydrate him and give him
 something for the brain swelling they assumed he had,
 but if all went well, we could take him home the
 following night.  Just in time to hear the good news,
 Officer Tom rushed in, finished with his real police
 work and concerned about Rudy.

 Rich and I got back home about 3:30.  We hadn't
 unpacked from our trip, I was still intermittently
 dizzy, and I still hadn't prepared for my 8:40 class.
 I need a vacation," I said, and while I called the
 office to leave a message canceling my class, Rich
 made us a pitcher of martinis. I slept late the
 next day and then badgered the vet about Rudy's
 condition until he said that Rudy could come home
 later that day.

 I was working on the suitcases when the phone rang.
 "Hi, this is Steve Huskey from the Norristown Times-
 Herald," a voice said. "Listen, I was just going
 through the police blotter from last night.  Um, do
 you have a cat?"  So I told Steve the whole story,
 which interested him immensely. A couple hours later
 he called back to say that his editor was interested,
 too; did I have a picture of Rudy?  The next day Rudy
 was front-page news, under the ridiculous headline
 "Catch of the Day Lands Cat in Hot Water."

 There were some noteworthy repercussions to the news-
 paper article.  Mr. Huskey had somehow inferred that
 I called 9-1-1 because I thought Rich, my husband,
 was going into shock, although how he concluded this
 from my comment that "his pads were turning blue,"
 I don't quite understand.  So the first thing I had
 to do was call Rich at work--Rich, who had worked
 tirelessly to free Rudy--and swear that I had been

 When I arrived at work myself, I was famous; people
 had been calling my secretary all morning to inquire
 about Rudy's health.  When I called our regular vet
 (whom I had met only once) to make a follow-up
 appointment for Rudy, the receptionist asked, "Is
 this the famous Rudy's mother?"

 When I took my car in for routine maintenance a few
 days later, Dave, my mechanic, said, "We read about
 your cat.  Is he OK?"  When I called a tree surgeon
 about my dying red oak, he asked if I knew the person
 on that street whose cat had been in the garbage
 disposal. And when I went to get my hair cut, the
 shampoo person told me the funny story her grandma
 had read in the paper, about a cat that got stuck in
 the garbage disposal.

 Even today, over a year later, people ask about Rudy,
 which a 9-year-old neighbor had always called "the
 Adventure Cat" because he used to climb on the roof
 of her house and peer in the second-story window at

 I don't know what the moral of this story is, but I
 do know that this adventure" cost me $1,100 in
 emergency vet bills, follow-up vet care, new sink,
 new plumbing, new electrical wiring, and new garbage
 disposal--one with a cover.  The vet can no longer
 say he's seen everything but the kitchen sink.

 I wanted to thank Officers Tom and Mike by giving
 them gift certificates to the local hardware store,
 but was told that they couldn't accept gifts, that
 I would put them in a bad position if I tried.  So
 I wrote a letter to the Police Chief praising their
 good deeds and sent individual thank you notes to
 Tom and Mike, complete with pictures of Rudy, so
 they could see what he looks like with his head on.

 And Rudy, whom we originally got for free (or so
 we thought), still sleeps with me-under the covers
 on cold nights, and, unaccountably, still sometimes
 prowls the sink, hoping for fish.

                           -(o o)-
Subj:     Iraq Terrorist Dies (S89)
          From: smiles on 98-10-09

 Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a
 letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
 Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Subj:     Amazing Accidents

 * A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's
   car into a river near Naples, Italy, in 1983.  He managed
   to break a window, climb out and swim to shore -- where a
   tree blew over and killed him.

 * Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a movie in 1983
   on the dangers of low-level bridges when the truck he was
   standing on passed under a low-level bridge -- killing him.

 * Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old store clerk in Leeds, England,
   was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow
   worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the
   jaw.  The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his
   head, and he died of a fractured skull.

   (Also see 'German Head-On Collision' in Darwin Awards2)
 * Two West German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on
   collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh.
   Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace near the center
   of the road.  At the moment of impact their heads were
   both out of the windows when they smacked together. Both
   men were hospitalized with severe head injuries.  Their
   cars weren't scratched.

 * George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I.,
   narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his
   factory except for one wall.  After treatment for minor
   injuries, he returned to the scene to search for files.
   The remaining wall then collapsed on him, killing him.

 * Depressed since he could not find a job, 42-year-old
   Romolo Ribolla sat in his kitchen near Pisa, Italy, with
   a gun in his hand threatening to kill himself in 1981.
   His wife pleaded for him not to do it, and after about
   an hour he burst into tears and threw the gun to the
   floor.  It went off and killed his wife.

   (Also see 'Mrs. Carson's Funeral' in DARWIN AWARDS2)
 * In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Kushaqua, N.Y., was laid
   out in her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease.  As
   mourners watched, she suddenly sat up. Her daughter
   dropped dead of fright.

   (Man Hit By Car In New York)
 * A man hit by a car in New York in 1977 got up uninjured,
   but laid back down in front of the car when a bystander
   told him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect
   insurance money. The car rolled forward and crushed him
   to death.

 * Surprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a
   thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot
   wall, dropped down and found himself in the city prison.

   (Also see 'Irishman Hit By Four Cars' in DARWIN AWARDS2)
 * In 1976 a twenty-two-year-old Irishman, Bob Finnegan, was
   crossing the busy Falls Road in Belfast, when he was
   struck by a taxi and flung over its roof.  The taxi drove
   away and, as Finnegan lay stunned in the road, another
   car ran into him, rolling him into the gutter.  It too
   drove on.  As a knot of gawkers gathered to examine the
   magnetic Irishman, a delivery van plowed through the
   crowd, leaving in its wake three injured bystanders and
   an even more battered Bob Finnegan.  When a fourth
   vehicle came along, the crowd wisely scattered and only
   one person was hit, Bob Finnegan.  In the space of two
   minutes Finnegan suffered a fractured skull, broken
   pelvis, broken leg, and other assorted injuries. Hospital
   officials said he would recover.

 * While motorcycling through the Hungarian countryside,
   Cristo Falatti came up to a railway line just as the
   crossing gates were coming down.  While he sat idling,
   he was joined by a farmer with a goat, which the farmer
   tethered to the crossing gate.  A few moments later a
   horse and cart drew up behind Falatti, followed in short
   order by a man in a sports car.  When the train roared
   through the crossing, the horse startled and bit Falatti
   on the arm.  Not a man to be trifled with, Falatti
   responded by punching the horse in the head.   In
   consequence the horse's owner jumped down from his cart
   and began scuffling with the motorcyclist.  The horse,
   which was not up to this sort of excitement, backed away
   briskly, smashing the cart into the sports car.  At this,
   the sports car driver leaped out of his car and joined
   the fray.  The farmer came forward to try to pacify the
   three flailing men.  As he did so, the crossing gates
   rose and his goat was strangled.  At last report, the
   insurance companies were still trying to sort out the

 * In a classic case of one thing leading to another, seven
   men aged eighteen to twenty-nine received jail sentences
   of three to four years in Kingston-on-Thames, England,
   in 1979 after a fight that started when one of the men
   threw a french fry at another while they stood waiting
   for a train..

 * Hitting on the novel idea that he could end his wife's
   incessant nagging by giving her a good scare, Hungarian
   Jake Fen built an elaborate harness to make it look as
   if he had hanged himself. When his wife came home and
   saw him she fainted. Hearing a disturbance a neighbor
   came over and, finding what she thought were two corpses,
   seized the opportunity to loot the place.  As she was
   leaving the room, her arms laden, the outraged and
   suspended Mr. Fen kicked her stoutly in the backside.
   This so surprised the lady that she dropped dead of a
   heart attack.  Happily, Mr. Fen was acquitted of
   manslaughter and he and his wife were reconciled.

 * An unidentified English woman, according to the London
   Sunday Express was climbing into the bathtub one after-
   noon when she remembered she had left some muffins in
   the oven.  Naked, she dashed downstairs and was removing
   the muffins when she heard a noise at the door.  Thinking
   it was the baker, and knowing he would come in and leave
   a loaf of bread on the kitchen table if she didn't answer
   his knock, the woman darted into the broom cupboard.  A
   few moments later she heard the back door open and, to
   her eternal mortification, the sound of footsteps coming
   toward the cupboard.  It was the man from the gas company,
   coming to read the meter. "Oh," stammered the woman, "I
   was expecting the baker."  The gas man blinked, excused
   himself and departed.

Subj:     Its A Bad Day When...... (S452, S805)
          From: DoctorDebt on 9/13/2005
      and From: tom on 6/16/2012

 (also see 'Scuba Man Burned ' in Darwin Awards2)

 If you think you're having a bad day...
Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest fire.  The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with a dive tank, flippers and face mask. A post-mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal injuries.  Dental records provided a positive identification.

Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

Drawing from

 It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person
 went for a diving trip off the coast--some 20 MILES away
 from the forest.  The firefighters, seeking to control the
 fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters
 with very large buckets.  The buckets were dropped into the
 ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the forest fire and

 You guessed it!!!  One minute our diver was making like Flipper
 in the Pacific, the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire
 bucket 300m in the air.  Apparently, he extinguished exactly
 1.78m (5'10") of the fire.

 Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed!!!!!"

 Snopes.com has declared that this story is false and an Urban
 Legend at http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/scuba.asp

Subj:     Gerbil Sex (S82)
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-08-24

 Actually from the LA Times:

 "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake.  But
 I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski
 told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake
 City Hospital.  Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner
 Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency
 treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
 "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot,
 our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out
 "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough.  I tried to
 retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
 into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might
 attract him."

 At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described
 what happened next.  "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal
 gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr Tomaszewski's
 hair and severely burning his face.  It also set fire to the
 gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger
 pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent
 out like a cannonball."

 Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose
 from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first
 and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal

Subj:     Crime Never Pays

 This is a true story according to a recent issue of Road
 and Track Magazine:  When a man attempted to siphon gasoline
 from a motorhome parked on a Seattle street, he got much
 more than he bargained for.  Police arrived at the scene to
 find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled
 sewage.  A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
 trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the
 motorhome`s sewage tank by mistake.  The owner of the
 vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the
 best laugh he's ever had.

Subj:     Bizarre Forensic Case (S10, S790)
          From: mombear1 on 6/6/2002
      and From: virv on 2/29/2012
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/opus.htm

 At the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American
 Association for Forensic Science, AAFS president Don
 Harper Mills astounded his audience in San Diego with
 the legal complications of a bizarre death.  Here is
 the story:
On 23 March 1994, the medical
examiner viewed the body of
Ronald Opus and concluded that
he died from a shotgun wound
to the head.  The decedent had
jumped from the top of a ten-
story building intending to
commit suicide (he left a note
indicating his despondency).
As he fell past the ninth floor,
his life was interrupted by a
shotgun blast through a window,
which killed him instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the
decedent was aware that a
 safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to
 protect some window washers and that Opus would not have
 been able to complete his suicide anyway because of this.

 Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, a person who sets out to
 commit suicide ultimately succeeds, even though the
 mechanism might not be what he intended.  That Opus was
 shot on the way to certain death nine stories below
 probably would not have changed his mode of death from
 suicide to homicide.  But the fact that his suicidal
 intent would not have been successful caused the medical
 examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
 The room on the ninth floor whence the shotgun blast
 emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife.
 They were arguing and he was threatening her with the
 shotgun.  He was so upset that, when he pulled the
 trigger, he completely missed his wife and pellets went
 through the window striking Opus.  When one intends to
 kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one
 is guilty of the murder of subject B.

 When confronted with this charge, the old man and his
 wife were both adamant that neither knew that the shot-
 gun was loaded.  The old man said it was his long
 standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded
 shotgun.  He had no intention to murder her - therefore,
 the killing of Opus appeared to be an accident.  That is,
 the gun had been accidentally loaded.

 The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw
 the old couple's son loading the shotgun approximately
 six weeks prior to the fatal incident.  It transpired
 that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support
 and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use
 the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the
 expectation that his father would shoot his mother.  The
 case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for
 the death of Ronald Opus.

 There was an exquisite twist.  Further investigation
 revealed that the son, one Ronald Opus, had become
 increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt
 to engineer his mother's murder.  This led him to jump
 off the ten-story building on March 23, only to be
 killed by a shotgun blast through a ninth story window.

 The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

 This story is an urban legend originally written by
 Don Harper Mills as an illustration.  You can read about
 it at http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/opus.htm

Subj:     Man Has Three Accidents In One Day (S16, S805)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-24
      and From: tom on 6/16/2012

 This came to me as a "true" story taken from a Florida
 Newspaper.  I find it a mild stretch, as where would one
 find a "large hill" in Florida?   However it doen't say
 that it happened in Florida, though.  Anyway, think you
 have had a bad day? Read This:

 A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his
 wife was in the house in the kitchen.  The man was racing
 the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle
 slipped into gear.  The man, still holding the handlebars,
 was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle
 dumped onto the floor inside the house.

 The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and
 found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding,
 the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door
 shattered.  The wife ran to the phone and summoned an

 Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went
 down the several flights of long steps to the street to
 direct the paramedics to her husband.  After the ambulance
 arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the
 wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.
 Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained
 some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the
 towels in the toilet.

 The husband was treated at the hospital and was released
 to come home.  After arriving home, he looked at the
 shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.
 He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the
 toilet and smoked a cigarette.  After finishing the
 cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet
 bowl while still seated.

 The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion
 and her husband screaming.  She ran into the bathroom and
 found her husband laying on the floor.  His trousers had
 been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks,
 the back of his legs and his groin.  The wife again ran to
 the phone and called for an ambulance.
The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.  While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself.  She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out.  He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle. Drawing from
 Snopes.com has declared this story is false at

 But you can see one version of the newspaper article by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Stuck In A Cat Door
          From: Scott's Joke Archive 0n 5/31/97

 "In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access
 to my house via the cat flap," Gunther Burpus admitted to
 reporters in Bremen, Germany. "I suppose that the reason
 they're called cat flaps, rather than human flaps, is
 because they're too small for people, and perhaps I should
 have realized that."  Burpus, a forty-one year old gardener
 from Bremen, was relating how he had become trapped in his
 own front door for two days, after losing his house keys.

 "I got my head and shoulders through the flap, but became
 trapped fast around the waist.  At first, it all seemed
 rather amusing.  I sang songs and told myself jokes.  But
 then I wanted to go to the lavatory.  I began shouting for
 help, but my head was in the hallway so my screams were
 muffled.  After a few hours, a group of students approached
 me but, instead of helping, they removed my trousers and
 pants, painted my buttocks bright blue, and stuck a daffodil
 between my cheeks.

 Then they placed a sign next to me which said 'Germany
 resurgent, an essay in street art.  Please give generously'
 and left me there.  People were passing by and, when I
 asked for help, they just said 'very good! very clever!'
 and threw coins into my trousers.  No one tried to free me.
 In fact, I only got free after two days because a dog
 started licking my private parts and an old woman complained
 to the police.  They came and cut me out, but arrested me
 as soon as I was freed.

 Luckily they've now dropped the charges, and I collected
 over $3,000 in my underpants, so the time wasn't entirely

Subj:     The Bricklayer (S29, S374)
          From Wyatt's Joke Page on 6/7/97

 This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in
 the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers'
 Compensation Board.  So here, thanks to John Sedgwick is
 this Bricklayer's report.

 Dear Sir:
 I am writing in response to your request for additional
 information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form.
 I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident.  You
 asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following
 details will be sufficient.

 I am a bricklayer by trade.  On the day of the accident,
 I was working alone on the roof of a new six-storey
 building.  When I completed my work, I found I had some
 bricks left over which when weighed later were found to
 weigh 240 lbs.  Rather than carry the bricks down by hand,
 I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley
 which was attached to the side of the building at the
 sixth floor.

 Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof,
 swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.  Next
 I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to
 insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks.  You will
 note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135

 Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly,
 I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.
 Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of
 the building.

 In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which
 was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.
 This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the
 broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident
 reporting form.  Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid
 ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were
 two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in
 Paragraph 2 of this correspondence.  Fortunately by this
 time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
 hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain
 I was now beginning to experience.

 At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
 bricks hit the ground-and the bottom fell out of the barrel.
 Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed
 approximately 50 lbs.

 I refer you again to my weight.  As you might imagine, I
 began a rapid descent down the side of the building.  In
 the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
 up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken
 tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

 Here my luck began to change slightly.  The encounter with
 the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries
 when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only
 three vertebrae were cracked.

 I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile
 of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my
 composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope
 and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
 journey back down onto me.  This explains the two broken

 I hope this answers your inquiry.

Subj:     Brainless Acts
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-06-20

         Winners of the Brainless Olympics!

 Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at
 an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit)
 $16 bills.

 A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old
 friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two
 practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

 A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety
 record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the
 use of safety goggles on the job.  According to Industrial
 Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial
 accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered
 minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room.
 Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven
 stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while
 watching the film.

 The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on
 nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating
 one within city limits.

 A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis,
 but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen
 pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain
 of whiplash injuries and back pain.

 Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years
 on a book about Swedish economic solutions.  He took the
 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced
 to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused
 the copier with the shredder.

 A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few
 days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for
 robbery.  At lunch, he went out for a sandwich.  She needed
 to see him, and thus had him paged.  Police officers
 recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to
 the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

 Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by
 placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with
 wires to a photocopy machine.  The message "He's lying"
 was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy
 button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling
 the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the
 suspect confessed.

 When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan,
 refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber,
 the man threatened to call the police.  They still refused,
 so the robber called the police and was arrested.

 A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking,"
 stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until
 an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

Subj:     Patients Die On Friday Morning (S314, S587)
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
      and From: darrellvip on 4/19/2008

 From (Cape Times, South Africa, 6/13/96) "For several months,
 our nurses have been baffled to find a dead patient in the
 same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi
 Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters.  "There
 was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive
 checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for
 possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues."
 "However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause of
 these deaths.

 It seems that every Friday morning a cleaner would enter the
 ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support
 system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then
 go about her business.  When she had finished her chores, she
 would plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware
 that the patient was now dead.  She could not, after all, hear
 the screams and eventual death rattle over the whirring of her

 "We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner in
 question.  Further, the Free State Health and Welfare Department
 is arranging for an electrician to fit an extra socket, so there
 should be no repetition of this incident.  The enquiry is now
 closed." BTW, the headline of the newspaper story was, "Cleaner
 Polishes Off Patients."

 Snopes.com says that this story is just an urban legend at

Subj:     Darwin Awards Rejects (S595c,d in Darwin1)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 6/13/2008
Photo from YouTube...
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/uahUVg12Xmg

 You can view this video of five accidents at the above source,
 or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

                           -(o o)-
..............................From Smiley_Central.