.
>>>
Subj:  Newspaper Headlines And Ads
            (Includes 32 jokes and articles, 30972n,35,cf,md4vT,18)
 

       Click "Here" for Headlines-Supp
       Click "Here" for Headlines-Supp2


Calvin Cartoon
from
Animated Cliparts
Includes the following:  3D Posters On Vending Machines (S873 in Supp2)
.........................BEST Super Bowl XLVII (2013) Ads (S875 in Supp2)
.........................GEICO's Family Ad (S948 in Supp2)
.........................The Stanley Steemer Variations - Video (S942 in Supp2)
.........................Extra Gum Commercial (S870 in Supp2)
.........................Rust-Oleum NeverWet - Video (S867 in Supp2)
.........................Three Mountain Dew Ads w/Felicia The Goat -4 Vid(S859-Sup2)
.........................Dancing With Baby Me - Evian Ad - Video (S850 in Supp2)
.........................The Athlete Machine - Red Bull Kluge - Video (S832 - Supp2)
.........................Denny's Bacon Makes It Better! - Video (S848 in Supp2)
.........................Grey Poupon "The Lost Footage" - Video (S842 in Supp2)
.........................Cow-Gate Baby Supergroup Commercial - Video (S826 in Supp2)
.........................Personal Ads (S62 in Supp2)
.........................Unlock the 007 in you. You have 70 secs! - Vid (S824-Supp2)
.........................HP Printer - Evian Babies - Brand New Key - Vid(S819-Supp2)
.........................4 Clever International Commercials - Video (S789 in Supp2)
.........................TNT Ad - Push To Add Drama - Video (S818 in Supp2)
.........................Diet Pepsi Max 2011 Super Bowl Commercial - Vid (S788-Supp2)
.........................Diet Pepsi Max "I'm Good" Commercial - Video (S788 in Supp2)
.........................Coke Light Commercial - Video (S786 in Supp2)
.........................Don't Have a Grandson with a Dog Collar - Video (S784-Supp2)
.........................LG Kompressor Plus Vacuum Commercial - Video (S782 in Supp2)
.........................Contrex Water Bottle Ad - Video (S770 in Supp2)
.........................Foster's Beer Commercial - Kidnapped Wife - Vid (S786-Supp2)
.........................Classic Headlines (S177, S385b in Supp2)
.........................Actual News Headlines (S37 in Supp2)
.........................Beware of the Doghouse - Video (S766 in Supp)
.........................Swedish Self-Cleaning Toilet - Video (S765 in Supp)
.........................IKEA Mattress Commercial - Video (S758 in Supp)
.........................Humo's Milkman Commercial - Video (S758 in Supp)
.........................Dirt Devil - The Exorcist - Video (S755 in Supp)
.........................Pepsi Commercial - Now or Never! - Video (S746 in Supp)
.........................Tidy Up - Three IKEA Ads - Video (S741 in Supp)
.........................German Eye Glasses Ad - Video (S741 in Supp)
.........................Bruce Lee Plays Ping Pong With Nunchucks - Video (S740-Supp)
.........................Cravendale Milk Ad - Cats With Thumbs - Video (S739 in Supp)
.........................Remote-Controlled Flying Shark-Clown Fish - Vid(S738-Supp)
.........................VW Passat Super Bowl Ad: The Force - Video (S731 - Supp)
.........................Pine Sol Commercial - Video (S732 in Supp)
.........................Wings Etc's Ad For Blazin' Balls - Video (S731 in Supp)
.........................Lucky Strike Fighter Pilot Commercial - Video (S729-Supp)
.........................French Condom Ad - Video (S727 in Supp)
.........................Mrs. Mac's Hot Car Wash Ad!!!! - Video (S726 in Supp)
.........................Batelco - Infinity - Video (S726 in Supp)
.........................Monster.com "Doubletake" - Super Bowl Ad (S721-Supp)
.........................Dominoes' Techno Chicken - Video (S721 in Supp)
.........................Sprite Commercial - Girl On Beach - Video (S716 in Supp)
.........................The Best Ford Commercial Ever - Video (S714 in Supp)
.........................Knife Throwing Mistake - Hilarious Ad (S713 - Supp)
.........................Wash Your Balls!! Axe Commercial - Video (S713 in Supp)
.........................Honey, I'm Home! - Video (S711 in Supp)
.........................Mercedes SLS 360 Barrel Roll In Tunnel - Video (S707b-Supp)
.........................Centraal Beheer Auto Insurance Ad (S705 in Supp)
.........................Don't Go To The Doctor In June/July - Video (S704b)
.........................A Cadillac Commercial In China - Video (S702b in Supp)
.........................Labatt Blue Lip Gloss Commercial - Video (S701 in Supp)
.........................Celebrity "Star Wars" World Cup Adidas Ad (S699-Supp)
.........................Stop Motion: PEN Giant - Video (S697 in Supp)
.........................Bank Robbery Gone Wrong! - Video (S691b in Supp)
.........................ADG Alarm Company - Video (S687 in Supp)
.........................Whoopi's "1 In 3 Pee Like Me" - Video (S686 in Supp)
.........................Pedigree Dogs Ad Shot At 1000 FPS - Video (S686 in Supp)
.........................Pepsi-Sumo Commercial - Video (S685b in Supp)
.........................IronWorkz, A Rock Band - Video (S684 in Supp)
.........................Huggies Commercial - Video (S683 in Supp)
.........................Granny Stops Car Thieves - Video (S699 in Supp)
.........................Fake Sprite Commercial From Germany - XX - Video (S706-Supp)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S681b in Supp)
.........................Frank And Ernest Comic Strip (S648b)
.........................Coke Happiness Machine - Video (S679)
.........................Rubber Cement Commercial - Video (S671)
.........................Evian's Roller-Skating Babies Ad (S653)
.........................Russian Beer Ad #1 - Video (S506c)
.........................Mom Sells Rule-Breaking Son's Car (S573)
.........................Russian Beer Ad #2 - Video (S506c)
.........................International Marketing Ads (S492c)
.........................Australian Bike Commercial - Video (S512b)
.........................Irish Personal Ads (S447)
.........................I.B.C. Rootbeer Commercial (S627)
.........................The Newspapers (S354b)
.........................New York Post's Error (S388)
.........................Viagra Advertising Slogans (S316b)
.........................Four Great Commercials (S509c, S802)
.........................Classified Ads (S292)
.........................Centrum Silver Strip Poker Commercial (S627, S792)
.........................Real Meanings of Personal Ad Codes (S275c, S491c)
.........................Barclaycard Waterslide - Video (S629)
.........................Danish Washing Machine Commercial (S632b, S847)
.........................Pepsi Commercial - Godfather Girl - Video (S638, S858)
.........................Doritos Commercial (S680, S867)
.........................Short Headlines And Ads
..............................Assailant Suffers Injuries From Fall (S753 in Supp)
..............................Bruce Lee Lights Matches - Video (S756 in Supp)
..............................Umbro - Banned Commercial - Sexy Soccer -Vid(S734-Supp)
..............................Eclipse Commercial - Video (S720 in Supp)
..............................Renault Clio Commercial - Video (S718 in Supp)
..............................Ronald Reagan's Chesterfield Ads (S715 in Supp)
..............................HEMA Department Store Ad (S658)
..............................Levis Commercial - Video (S655b)
..............................IKEA Commercial (S654b)
..............................Coca-Cola Commercial (S645, S868)
..............................Pepsi Commercial - Just Lunch - Video (645b)
..............................Country Life Commercial (S634c)
..............................New Billboard (S644b)
..............................Trouble f/Newspapers Spells Trouble f/Cartoonists(S625)
..............................Best Cordless Drill Ad - Video (S623)
..............................Eric O'Shea - Songs for TV Commercials (S623)
..............................Headlines From 2004 And 2008 (S615b)
..............................The Protector - Video (S614b)
..............................Prize Winning Ad (S612)
..............................Motorcycle for Sale (S608c)
..............................Creative Advertising (S541c)
..............................News For The Year You Were Born (S573c)
..............................Trunk Monkeys - Video (S555)
..............................Brazilian Bed Advertisements (S554b)
..............................Time Traveler Ad (S503c)
..............................Finding A Date In The Personal Column (S316b)
..............................Free To Good Home (S587b)
..............................Bus Advertizing (S578c)

Also see AUSTRALIAN    - 'Air New Zealand Plane Safety Video'
         BASKETBALL    - 'Turkish Airlines Euroleague Epic Pool Dunk' - Video
         BEARS file    - 'Huge Bear Surprises Crew on EcoBubble Photo Shoot' - Video
         BREAST-SUPP   - 'Where Are My Fries?' - Video
         BUMPERSTICKERS- (see whole file)
         CANADA file   - 'Travel Alberta's Remember To Breathe Commercial'
         CARS-SUPP2    - 'Gymkhana FIVE: Urban Playground; San Francisco' - Video
         CARS-SUPP3    - 'The Epic Split By Jean-Claude Van Damme' - Video
         CLOTHING file - 'Real Clever Shopping Bags'
.........COMPUTRS-SUP2 - 'Paper Is Not Dear' - French Ad
         CONDOM file   - 'Condom Commercial'
.......................- 'Glow In The Dark Condom Commercial'
.......................- 'Durex Condom Commercial'
         COWS-SHEEP-SUP- 'Budweiser Streaker Commercial'
         DATING1 file  - 'Personal Ad'
         DOCTOR3 file  - 'Newspaper Headline'
         DOG-SUPP2     - 'Dog Goldberg Machine By Beneful' - Video
         DRINKING_BEER1- 'Bud Light Super Bowl Ad - Real Life PacMan' - Video
.......................- 'Miller Beer Ad'
         DRINK_BEER-SUP- 'Bud Light And The Farmer's Daughter'
.......................- 'Bud Light And The Chimpanzee'
.......................- 'Bud Light And The French Maid'
.......................- 'Bud Light Clothing Drive 2010' - Video
         EAST EUROPEAN - 'Pro USA Editorial f/Romanian Newspaper'
         FACEBOOK file - ''We Hate Math,' Say 4 in 10'
         FAIRYTALE-SUPP- 'The Three Little Pigs - News Video'
         FARMER-SUPP   - 'So God Made A Farmer' - Video
         FOOD_ETC-SUPP - 'Creme d'Or Commercial'
         FRENCH file   - 'Great Story From Canal Plus' - Video
         GOLF3 file    - 'Callaway Golf Commercial'
         GOLF-SUPP     - 'Nike Golf: No Cup Is Safe' - Video
         HOWTO file    - 'Bud Light Pick-up Line' - Video
         HUNT-CAMP-SUPP- 'The Swiss Room Box' - Video
         ILLUSIOHS23   - 'Optical Illusion Commercial By Honda'
         JOB-STUFF-SUPP- 'Smart Marketing'
         LISTS file    - 'Headlines 2050'
         MOVIES (Picts)- 'Blaupunkt, Stuffed Animal Sex'
         NATIONAL2 file- 'The Future In Year 2035'
         NATIVEAMERICAN- 'Where White Man Went Wrong!'
         ONELINERS     - (see whole file)
         PENIS-SUPP....- 'Perrier Commercial'
.........PHONE file    - 'A Phone Call To Grandpa' - Video
.........PHONE-SUPP    - 'Stare At The Samsung S4 For 60 Minutes To Win It' - Video
.......................- 'European Fake Cell Phone Commercial' - Video
         PHYSICS2 file - 'Flying Horse - Gatorrada (Cat-Toast)' - Video
.........PREGNANT-SUPP - 'Coca Cola Life - Ser Padres HD' - Video
         RUSSIAN file  - 'Russian "Extrim Drive" Ad'
         SANTA-SUPP    - 'Why Santa Didn't Answer your Letter' - Video
         SIGNS-NAMES   - (see whole file)
         SPACE-SUPP    - 'Carlsberg's Spaceman' - Picture
         STARTREK-SUPP - 'Zachary Quinto vs. Leonard Nimoy' - Audi S7 Ad
         SWEDISH_ETC   - 'Auction Of The Year' - Video
         TEST-SUPP     - 'Trivia Bits by Paul Paquet'
         YOU-KNOW-SUPP - 'Skeet Shootin' - Texas Style'
         WAITER_ETC    - 'Robbing The Wrong Diner' - Glock Ad
         WEDDING-SUPP  - 'Bud Light Wedding Commercial' - Video

============================================================Top
Subj:     Frank And Ernest Comic Strip (S648b)
          By Bob Thaves
          From: WashingtonPost.com on 6/10/2009
 Source: http://comics.com/affiliate/washington_post/?ComicID=31
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Top
Subj:     Coke Happiness Machine (S679d)
          From: Wimp.com on 1/19/2010
          Source: http://www.wimp.com/happinessmachine/

 The Coke Company put a special Coke machine on a college
 campus.  It gave out free coke and a lot of other happiness.
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see
 this cute commercial.

Top
Subj:     Rubber Cement Commercial (S671d in Nuns1)
          From: darrellvip on 11/19/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/CHX-4cKEQH4

 In this cute video, a statue breaks in a nunnery.  This
 priceless 1992 ad for a product called Talens Rubber
 Cement is a television commercial that swept the Cannes
 International Advertising Film Festival, winning its
 Grand Prix award.  Click 'HERE' to see this great commercial.

Top
Subj:     Evian's Roller-Skating Babies Ad (S653d)
          Made by EvianBabies
          From: RDobry on 7/14/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/XQcVllWpwGs
 (See 'HP Printer - Evian Babies - Brand New Key' in Headlines-Supp2)

 The video -- of 96 computer-animated infants roller-
 skating to a remix of the Sugarhill Gang's Rapper's
 Delight -- is mesmerizing.  Something about babies
 in diapers and onesies doing sophisticated skate
 tricks and break-dancing moves just makes me smile.
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
 to see this very cute video.

Top
Subj:     Russian Beer Ad #1 (S506c,d in Russian)
          From: auntiegah on 10/3/2006 
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/h1c1hZio-mA

 To view this short, cute, Russian commercial on my
 site click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Mom Sells Rule-Breaking Son's Car (S573)
          From: ginafm on 1/11/2008

 Jan 9, 2008

 Jane Hambleton has dubbed herself the "meanest mom on the
 planet."

 After finding alcohol in her son's car, she decided to sell
 the car and share her 19-year-old's misdeed with everyone -
 by placing an ad in the local newspaper.

 The ad reads: "OLDS 1999 Intrigue.  Totally uncool parents
 who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car.  Only
 driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a
 life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer.  Call
 meanest mom on the planet."

 Hambleton has heard from people besides interested buyers
 since recently placing the ad in The Des Moines Register.

 The 48-year-old from Fort Dodge says she has fielded more
 than 70 telephone calls from emergency room technicians,
 nurses, school counselors and even a Georgia man who
 wanted to congratulate her.

 "The ad cost a fortune, but you know what?  I'm telling
 people what happened here," Hambleton says.  "I'm not just
 gonna put the car for resale when there's nothing wrong
 with it, except the driver made a dumb decision.

 "It's overwhelming the number of calls I've gotten from
 people saying 'Thank you, it's nice to see a responsible
 parent.'  So far there are no calls from anyone saying,
 'You're really strict. You're real overboard, lady.'"

 The only critic is her son, who Hambleton says is "very,
 very unhappy" with the ad and claims the alcohol was left
 by a passenger.

 Hambleton believes her son but has decided mercy isn't the
 best policy in this case.  She says she set two rules when
 she bought the car at Thanksgiving: No booze, and always
 keep it locked.

 The car has been sold, but Hambleton says she will continue
 the ad for another week - just for the feedback.

Top
Subj:     Russian Beer Ad #2 (S506c,d in Russian)
          From: auntiegah on 10/3/2006 
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/-6w71XVtRj0

 To view this short, cute, Russian commercial on site
 click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     International Marketing Ads (S492c)
          From: drgolfmd on 6/24/2006

 The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got
 Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico.  It was
 soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read,
 "Are you lactating?"

 Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it
 was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

 Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following
 in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."

 Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, in to
 Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure.  Not
 too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."

 When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the
 same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label.
 Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put
 pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't
 read.

 An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish
 market which promoted the Pope's visit.  Instead of "I Saw the
 Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).

 Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into
 "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.

 The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela",
 meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with
 wax", depending on the dialect.  Coke then researched 40,000
 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole",
 translating into "happiness in the mouth."

 When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first
 class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In
 Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en
 cuero) in Spanish.

Top
Subj:    Australian Bike Commercial (S512b,d)
         From: edapsmas on 11/8/2006 (in Bicycle)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/CN1QiEZk5tw

 This is a cute commercial for Malvern Star.  Malvern Star
 is a manufacturer of bicycles in Melbourne, Australia.
 Click 'HERE' to see this funny, nude bike ad.

Top
Subj:     Irish Personal Ads (S447)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/19/2005

 "Personal ads" in the Dublin News:

 Heavy drinker, 35, Cork Area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict
 interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes,
 Glasgow Celtic Football Club and has been known to starting
 fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.

 -----------------------------------------------------
 Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by
 longtime fianc?e, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman,
 if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of
 hatchet-faced bitches.

 ------------------------------------------------------
 Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed
 and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy
 lady for bail purposes, maybe more.

 ------------------------------------------------------
 Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a
 damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks
 attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.

 ------------------------------------------------------
 Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes,
 seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM
 and 11:30 PM.

 ------------------------------------------------------
 Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old
 double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery,
 and has an open-minded twin sister.

Top
Subj:     I.B.C. Rootbeer Commercial (S627d)
          From: tom on 1/14/2009 (in Monkey)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/bcwN37xXglg

 This 30 second commercial shows why root beer is a better
 drink than beer. Click 'HERE' to see this cute ad.

Top
Subj:     The Newspapers (S354b)
          From: Imogenelumen on 11/8/2003

 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people
    who run the country.

 2. The Washington Post is read by people
    who think they run the country.

 3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should
    run the country, and who are very good at crosswords.

 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run
    the country but don't really understand the Washington
    Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in
    pie charts.

 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind
    running the country, if they could spare the time, and if
    they didn't have to leave LA to do it.

 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to
    run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank
    you very much.

 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too
    sure who's running the country, and don't really care as
    long as they can get a seat on the train.

 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's
    running the country, as long as they do something really
    scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

 9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't
    sure there is a country .... or that anyone is running
    it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand
    for.  There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are
    handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also
    happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy
    as long as they are Democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running
    another country but need the baseball scores.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line
    at the grocery store.

Top
Subj:     New York Post's Error (S388)
          From: jerry on 7/6/2004
 Source: (Removed from lerman.biz/)

 The New York Post, too anxious to be the first to tell you
 so, declared on their front cover that Presidential hopeful
 John Kerry picked Dick Gephardt as his running mate.  Two
 hours later Kerry officially announced that his running mate
 is Senator John Edwards.
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Top
Subj:     Viagra Advertising Slogans (S316b)
          From: gheckman on 2/18/2003

 The boss of Stone Marketing called a spontaneous staff
 meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week.
 When everyone gathered, the employer, who understood the
 benefits of having fun, told the burnt-out staff the
 purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.  The
 theme was Viagra advertising slogans.  The only rule was
 that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written
 for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra.
 Slight variations were acceptable.

 About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions
 and created a Top Ten List.  After all the laughter and
 camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for
 everyone.

 The top ten:

 10. Viagra, Whaazzzzz Up!

  9. Viagra, The quicker pecker up!

  8. Viagra, Like a rock!

  7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

  6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

  5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

  4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

  3. Viagra, Tastes great! More filling!

  2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!

 And the unanimous number one slogan:

  1. This is your penis... This is your penis on drugs...

Top
Subj:    Four Great Commercials (S509c, S802d)
         From: darrell94590 on 10/18/2006
     and From: tom on 4/5/2012
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD-E8f-tBzg

 This video contains four short, funny commercials.
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
 to view these commercials.

Top
Subj:     Classified Ads (S292)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/5/2002

 Classified sections of city newspapers.

 Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

 Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

 Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

 Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
 Automatically burns toast.

 For Rent: 6 room hated apartment.

 Man, honest. Will take anything.

 Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

 Christmas tag sale.  Handmade gifts for the
 hard to find person.

 Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

 Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

 Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

 Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person
 to assume general housekeeping duties.  Must be capable
 of contributing to growth of family.

 And now, the Superstore unequaled in size, unmatched in
 variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

 We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in
 your home for $1.00.

Top
Subj:     Centrum Silver Strip Poker Commercial
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/13/2009
      and From: sam.hutkins on 3/31/2012 (S627d, S792)
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/4RpjoFvKnps
 Source2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lg9hWDepAxU

 This Centrum Silver commercial is funny and cute.  All
 commercials should be this funny.  You can view it at
 the above source, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Real Meanings of Personal Ad Codes (S275c, S491c)
          From: gheckman on 12/6/2001
      and From: darrell94590 on 6/18/2006

 (See 'Secrets Of Women's Language' in DIFFERENCES3
  and 'Woman's Dictionary' in WOMEN3

 The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads:
 40-ish............. 48
 Adventurer......... Has had more partners than you ever will
 Athletic........... Flat-chested
 Average looking.... Ugly
 Beautiful.......... Pathological liar
 Contagious Smile... Bring your penicillin
 Educated........... College dropout
 Emotionally Secure. Medicated
 Feminist........... Fat; ball buster
 Free spirit........ Substance user
 Friendship first... Trying to live down reputation as slut
 Fun................ Annoying
 Gentle............. Comatose
 Good Listener...... Borderline Autistic
 New-Age............ All body hair, all the time
 Old-fashioned...... Lights out, missionary position only
 Open-minded........ Desperate
 Outgoing........... Loud
 Passionate......... Loud
 Poet............... Depressive Schzophrenic
 Professional....... Real Witch
 Redhead............ Shops the Clairol section
 Reubenesque........ Grossly Fat
 Romantic........... Looks better by candle light
 Voluptuous......... Very Fat
 Weight proportional
   to height........ Hugely Fat
 Wants Soulmate..... One step away from stalking
 Widow.............. Nagged first husband to death
 Young at heart..... Toothless crone

Top
Subj:     Barclaycard Waterslide (S629d)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/12/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgoZb8rQmfE

 This Barclaycard commercial is very entertaining.
 More companies should make ads you enjoy seeing.
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
 to view it.

Top
Subj:     Danish Washing Machine Commercial
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 2/19/2009 (S632b, S847d)
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/watch_
..........popup?v=b_cJ1ywIy0A&vq=large
 Source2: http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=355_1229516310

 This 2008 commercial is a skydive advertisement for the
 Danish Siemens washing machine, which sells for about $900.
 In it more than a hundred bare-breasted women skydive
 from a plane. Click on one of the above sources, or 'HERE'
 for my copy, to see this the best TV commercial ever.

Top
Subj:     Pepsi Commercial - Godfather Girl
          From: darrellvip on 4/3/2009
      and From: tom on 6/16/13 (S638d, S858)
Photo from Google.com
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LnJskwydvM

 This is a Godfather Pepsi vs Coca Cola commercial.  Click
 on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see cute ad.

Top
Subj:     Doritos Commercial (S680d, S867)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/25/2010
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=bptmb0Ygmus&vq=large

 The 2010 Superbowl Commercial is very cute.  It is titled
 'Doritos Commercial - Keep Yo' Hands Off My Momma!'  Click
 on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this ad.


Subj:     Short Headlines And Ads

Top
Subj:     HEMA Department Store Ad (S658)
          From: lubin100 on 8/9/2009
 Source: http://producten.hema.nl/
 HEMA, a Dutch department store, first store opened on
 November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam.  Now there are 150 stores
 all over the Netherlands.

 Take a look at HEMA's product page.  You can't order
 anything (it's in Dutch, anyway) but just wait a couple
 of seconds and watch what happens..

 Don't click on any of the item pictures, just wait and
 see what happens.  This company has a sense of humor and
 a great computer programmer!!
 

Top
Subj:     Levis Commercial (S655b,d)
          From:  LABLaughsClean on 7/24/2009
 Source: http://www.buffaloschips.com/adewwrr.htm
(Also see 'Levis Jeans Commercial' in Clothing)
 In this commercial, a good looking cowboy helps a couple
 tow their car to town.  Click on the above source, or
 'HERE' for my copy, to see this cute commercial.
 

Top
Subj:     IKEA Commercial (S654b,d)
          From: tom on 7/5/2009
 This bizarre IKEA commercial tells you when it's time
 to leave home.  Click 'HERE'to see this video.
 

Top
Subj:     Coca-Cola Commercial (S645d, S868)
          From: darrellvip on 5/16/2009
 In this Super Bowl ad for 2007, an elderly man in a rest home
 has a coke for the first time.  Click 'HERE' to see it.
 

Top
Subj:     Pepsi Commercial - Just Lunch
          From: gattica30
          on 5/17/2009 (645b,d)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tz5uN9ugkhg
 Dog eats guy's sandwich, drinks his Pepsi, and places
 a cat on the plate in place of the eaten sandwich.
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my file copy,
 to see this silly commercial
 

Top
Subj:     Country Life Commercial (S634c,d)
          From: LABLaughsClean
          on 2/12/2009
 Source: http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/fpe096.html
 This old, cute Country Life butter commercial is a take
 off on the story of Cinderella.  Click on the above
 source, or 'HERE' for my file version, to see this video.
 

Top
Subj:     New Billboard (S644b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/27/2009
 Saw this billboard sign yesterday....

 NEED HELP, CALL JESUS
 1-800-005-3787

 Out of curiosity, I did.
 A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
 
 

Top
Subj:     Trouble For Newspapers Spells
          Trouble For Cartoonists (S625)
          by Lee Bains, posted Dec 29th 2008
Photo from Switched.com...
 Source: http://www.switched.com/2008/12/29/trouble-for-newspapers
-spells-trouble-for-cartoonists/?icid=200100397x1216084524x1201059730
 With newspaper subscriptions continuing to decline,
 cartoonists are beginning to worry, according to a
 report in the New York Times.  Click on the above
 source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to read this article.
 
 

Top
Subj:     Best Cordless Drill Ad - Ever (S623d)
          From: mauryschu
          on 12/16/2008
 This short Milwaukee Cordless Drill ad is cute and funny.
 Click 'HERE' to see it.
 

Top
Subj:     Eric O'Shea - Songs for TV Commercials
          From: jcary on 12/15/2008 (S623d)
Photo from LittleAngle1.net...
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMQt7ARAqXs
 Eric O'Shea loves television commercials. In this video
 he suggest songs that would make good commercials.  You
 can see this video at the above source, or on my web
 site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Headlines From 2004 And 2008 (S615b in Obama)
          by Eric Allie
          From: TownHall.com on 11/5/2008
 Source: http://townhall.com/cartoons/cartoonist/EricAllie/2008/11/3
 This political cartoon is interesting. Click 'HERE' to view it.
 

Top
Subj:     The Protector (S614b,d in Canadian)
          From: gattica30 on 10/9/2008
 This commercial for Terra, Canada's toughest safety
 boot, is excellent.  Click 'HERE' to see it.
 

Top
Subj:     Prize Winning Ad (S612)
          From: tom on 10/2/2008
 I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in
 doctor's offices on everything from tissues to exam table
 cover paper.  Well, in my book, this one should get the
 prize.  Click 'HERE'to view it.
 

Top
Subj:     Motorcycle for Sale (S608c in Harley)
          From: ginafm on 8/30/2008
 You can read this cute sales ad by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Creative Advertising (S541c in Sign-Supp)
          From: jbcary1 on 5/24/2007
 These twelve, impressive, outdoor ads can be viewed on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:  News For The Year You Were Born (S573c)
.......From: LABLaughsClean on 1/7/2008 (in Birthdays)
Drawing from www.artzooks.com...
 Click 'HERE' to read the news for the year you were born.
 

Top
Subj:     Trunk Monkeys (S555d - cars-supp)
          From: AFine963 on 9/7/2007
 These are four very funny commercials from the
 Suburban Auto Group.  Click 'HERE' to view.

Top
Subj:     Brazilian Bed Advertisements (S554b)
          From: SCOTCOB (in Latin America)
          on 8/24/2007
 You can see these five pictures with nudity on
 my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Time Traveler Ad (S503c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 9/7/2006
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19940927
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Top
Subj:     Finding A Date In The Personal Column (S316b)
          From: gheckman on 2/18/2003

 After four years of separation, my wife and I finally
 divorced amicably.  I wanted to date again, but I had
 no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the
 personals column of the local newspaper.

 After reading through all the listings, I circled three
 that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but
 I put off calling them and left the newspaper by the phone.

 Two days later, there was a message on my answering
 machine from my ex-wife.  "I came over to your house to
 borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the
 paper.  Don't call the one in the second column. It's me."
 

Top
Subj:     Free To Good Home (S587b in Marriage6)
          From: LABLaughsAdult
          on 4/16/2008
 Source: http://www.buffaloschips.com/32172.htm
 You can read this cute classified ad at the above source,
 or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top
Subj:     Bus Advertizing (S578c in Truck))
          From: darrellvip on 2/7/2008
 You can view these eight amazing bus ads by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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