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Subj:    Thoughts Silly Supp
               (Includes 60 jokes and articles, 11 1026,8,cf2,vXT2a4b,4)

Jester from
Arts Massachutts EchoCommunity
Includes the following:  Pickles Comic Strip (S868)
.........................Twenty Thoughts On Growing Old (S877)
.........................Deep Throat - Video (S645c)
.........................My Resignation As An Adult (S619c)
.........................Random Thoughts (S653)
.........................Lucille Ball - Days Of The Week - Photo (S1021)
.........................Six Truths Of Life (S640c, S809)
.........................Well Known Phrases (S620)
.........................The Pill - Video (S1026)
.........................Daffy-nitions (S596)
.........................All I Need to Know About Life I Learned Shopping (S475c)
.........................28 Lines To Make You Smile - Web Page (S680b)
.........................A Few Things to Ponder (S458)
.........................Twelve Things To Ponder (S376)
.........................Deep Thoughts IV (S493c)
.........................Deep Thoughts III (S373, DU)
.........................Politically Correct Phrases (S293b, DU)
.........................More Of Maxine's Wisdom (S435, DU)
.........................Just Say No (S290b, DU)
.........................A Child In Need (S274b, DU)
.........................Trick Questions And Answers (S299, DU)
.........................Single Silly Thoughts
..............................Your Life Explained By Scientific Graphs (S764)
..............................Things That Can Kill You (S455, S617)
..............................When Things Go Wrong (S453)

============================================================Top
Subj:     Pickles Comic Strip (S868)
          By Brian Crane on 8/27/2013
Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pickles/2013/08/27
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Top
Subj:     Twenty Thoughts On Growing Old (S877)
          From: tom on 10/30/2013
 Source: http://www.ruralheritage.com/
.........messageboard/frontporch/16964.htm
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As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world,

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of  it.

My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

I  finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?

It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant;

The early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I wish the buck really did stop here,
I sure could use a few of  them.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

The world only beats a path to your door
when you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes,
he'd have put them on my knees.

When I'm finally holding all the right cards,
everyone wants to play chess.

It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .
I go somewhere to get something,
and then wonder what I'm "here after".

Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

HAVE  I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU  BEFORE..........?

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Top
Subj:     Deep Throat (S645c,d)
          From: darrellvip on 5/20/2009
 Source: https://www.youtube.com/embed/76NUp6qAkIA

 Watch the boyfriend's face.  It makes this silly
 video cute.  Click 'HERE' to see it.

Top
Subj:     My Resignation As An Adult (S619c)
          fROM: LABLaughsClean on 11/11/2008

 I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
 I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities
 of a 5 year old again.

 * I want to go to McDonald's and think that it is
   a four star restaurant.
 * I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle
   and make ripples in a pond with rocks.
 * I want to think M?M's are better than money
   because you can eat them.
 * I want to lie under a big oak tree and watch
   the ants march up its trunk.
 * I want to run a lemonade stand with my friends
   on a hot summer's day.
 * I want to go fishing and care more about catching the
   minnows along the shore than the big bass in the lake.
 * I want to think the world is fair.
 * I want to return to a time when life was simple.
   When all I knew about were colors, multiplication
   tables, and nursery rhymes.  When I didn't know what
   I know now.  When all I knew was to be happy because
   I was blissfully unaware of all the things that should
   make me worried.
 * I want to think that a quarter is worth more than
   a dollar bill because it is prettier and weighs more.
 * I want to think that everyone is honest and good.
   I want to believe that anything is possible.
 * I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life
   and be overly excited by the little things in life again.
 * I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs,
   a kind word, truth, dreams, the imagination, the
   Tooth Fairy, a kiss that makes a boo-boo go away,
   making angels in the snow, and that my dad and
   G-d are the strongest people in the world.

 So......here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit
 cards and the bills, my 401K statements, my stocks and
 bonds, my collections, my insurance premiums, my job,
 my house and the payments, my e-mail address, pager,
 cell phone, computer, and watch.  I am officially
 resigning from adulthood.  And if you want to discuss
 this with me further, you'll have to catch me, 'cause...
 Tag!  You're it!

Top
Subj:     Random Thoughts (S653)
          From: darrellvip on 7/15/2009

 1. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw
    a guy crouching down behind a tombstone.  I said "morning".
    He said no just taking a shit.

 2. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
    Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I
    stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.

 3. My girlfriend was in labor with our first child.  She was
    shouting out "get this out of me?  Give me the drugs".
    She looked at me and said, "You did this to me you fucker,"
    I casually replied, "If you would care to remember, I wanted
    to stick it up your ass but you said "it'll  be too painful.."

 4. I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my
    annual checkup.  She told me that I had to quit masturbating.
    I asked why and she told me "Because I am trying to examine you."

 5. I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghanistan
    neighbor Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony
    shaking a carpet.  I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul,
    won't it fuckin start?."

 6. I parked in a disabled person's spot today and a cop yelled
    at me "Show me proof of your disability."  I shouted back at
    him, "Tourettes syndrome.  Now fuck off you asshole."

Top
Subj:     Lucille Ball - Days Of The Week (S1021)
          From: Michael Lagrimas on Facebook on 8/6/2016
 Source: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CIci5X2UwAAU11W.jpg
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Subj:     Six Truths Of Life (S640c, S809)
          From: edapsmas on 4/16/2009

 1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.

 2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

 3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.

 4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

 5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

 6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

 I apologize about this

 I'm an idiot and I needed company ...

Top
Subj:     Well Known Phrases (S620)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 11/19/2008

 See how many of these well known phrases you can recognize
 without the use of a dictionary or a thesaurus.

  1. Scintillate, scintaillate, asteroid minific

  2. Surveillance should precede caltation

  3. Members of an avian species of identical plumage
     congregate

  4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity

  5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately
     departed lacteal fluid

  6. Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to
     rectitude

  7. The stylus is more potent than the scimitar

  8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a
     superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers

  9. Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the
     scion

 10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an
     unremittingly ogled saucepan does not reach 212
     degrees F.

 11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are
     not truly suriferous.

 12. Where there are visible vapors having their
     prevalence in ingnited carbonaceous materials, there
     is conflagration.

 Answers:

  1. Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

  2. Look before you leap.

  3. Birds of a feather flock together.

  4. Beauty is only skin deep.

  5. No use crying over spilt milk.

  6. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

  7. The pen is mightier than the sword.

  8. Can't teach an old dog new tricks.

  9. Spare the rod and spoil the child.

 10. A watched pot never boils.

 11. All that glitters is not gold.

 12. Where there's smoke, there's fire.

Top
Subj:     The Pill (S1026)
          Created by Sleepthinker Films
          From: AFine963 on 9/4/2016

 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/z9pD_UK6vGU

 Click 'HERE' to see that the world's a much brighter
 place when you're not too bright for it.

Top
Subj:     Daffy-nitions (S596)
          From: darrellvip on 6/19/2008

 ADULT:
 A person who has stopped growing at both ends and
 is now growing in the middle.

 BEAUTY PARLOR:
 A place where women curl up and dye.

 CANNIBAL:
 Someone who is fed up with people.

 CHICKENS:
 The only animals you eat before they are born and
 after they are dead.

 COMMITTEE:
 A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

 DUST:
 Mud with the juice squeezed out.

 EGOTIST:
 Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

 HANDKERCHIEF:
 Cold Storage.

 INFLATION:
 Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

 MOSQUITO:
 An insect that makes you like flies better.

 RAISIN:
 Grape with a sunburn.

 SECRET:
 Something you tell to one person at a time.

 SKELETON:
 A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

 TOOTHACHE:
 The pain that drives you to extraction.

 TOMORROW:
 One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

 YAWN:
 An honest opinion openly expressed.

 and MY Personal Favorite!!

 WRINKLES:
 Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

Top
Subj: All I Need to Know About Life I Learned From Shopping (S475c)
      From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/20/2006

 Get it now. Tomorrow it might be gone.

 If it's on sale, you need it.

 Never ask your mother her opinion.

 You can always take it back.

 You'll grow into it.

 By the time you need it, you'll lose ten pounds.

 Never believe anyone who says, "It's really you".

 If they're working on commission, they're lying.

 Know when to yell, "Charge!"

 So many malls, so little time.

 If you put it on your credit card, it's not really
 spending money.

 Always try to spend someone else's money first.

 There's no such thing as compulsive shopping, just
 enthusiastic shopping.

 Shopping is patriotic. It's good for the economy.

 If you've still got checks, there must be money
 in the account.

 You can always get more credit.

 If you want it, you deserve it.

Top
Subj:     28 Lines To Make You Smile (S680b)
          From: rfslick on 1/20/2010
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Drawing from LABLaughsAdult

 Click 'HERE' to read these twenty-eight, funny one-liners.

Top
Subj:     A Few Things to Ponder (S458)
          From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 10/29/2005

  1- Love is grand; divorce is at least a hundred grand.

  2- Time may be a great healer, but it's also
     a lousy beautician.

  3- Remember: amateurs built the ark, professionals built
     the Titanic.

  4- Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

  5- Conscience is what hurts when everything else
     feels so good.

  6- An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
     A pessimist fears that this is true.

  7- Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over
     if you just stand there.

  8- My inferiority complex is not as good as yours is.

  9- I am having an out of money experience.

 10- It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but
     nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

 11- You're getting old when you get the same sensation from
     a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

 12- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells
     live forever.

Top
Subj:     Twelve Things To Ponder (S376)
          From: Imogenelumen on 4/8/2004

 12. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

 11. Life is sexually transmitted.

 10. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at
     which one can die.

  9. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If he isn't
     horny, make him a sandwich.

  8. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach
     a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you
     for weeks.

  7. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for
     anything, but you still can't help but smile when you
     see one tumble down the stairs.

  6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
     hospitals dying of nothing.

  5. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

  4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
     dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you only
     thirty cents?

  3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird.
     Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make
     it normal.

  2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
     I have come to realize that it bears a very close
     resemblance to the oldest.

  1. We read about all terrorists these days. Many of them
     came here legally, but they hung around on these expired
     visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.  Now, compare
     that to Blockbuster - if you are two days late returning
     a video, those people are all over you. I think we should
     put Blockbuster in charge of immigration

Top
Subj:     Deep Thoughts IV (S493c)
          From: darrell94590 on 7/3/2006

 Deep thoughts for those who take life too seriously:

 1. Okay . . . so what's the speed of dark?

 2. Every one has a photographic memory.  Some just don't
    have film.

 3. What happens if you get scared half to death.........twice?

 4. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

 5. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

 6. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering
    what happened?

 7. Light travels faster than sound.  That is why some people
     appear bright until you hear them speak.

 8. Life isn't like a box of chocolates . . . it's more like
    a jar of jalapenos.  What you do today might burn your
    butt tomorrow.

Top
Subj:     Deep Thoughts III (S373, DU)
          From: JBCARY1 on 3/16/2004

 Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you
 are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on
 it.  If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable
 plant.

 The easiest way to find something lost around the house is
 to buy a replacement.

 Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

 There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

 An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

 If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is
 the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

 Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that
 person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

 Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything,
 but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble
 down the stairs.

 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
 hospitals dying of nothing.

 Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days
 no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

 Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

 All of us could take a lesson from the weather: it pays no
 attention to criticism.

 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars
 and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire but it
 takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Top
Subj:     Politically Correct Phrases (S293b, DU)
          From: thebartend on 9/13/2002

 She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
 She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
 She is not HALF NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
 She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY
    OVERBURDENED.
 She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER
    BEST QUALITIES
 She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you
    in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
 She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
 She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION
    SUPERHIGHWAY.
 She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
 She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER
    MASCULINE SIDE.
 She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY
    IGNORANT
 She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits
    FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
 She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.
 She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
 She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY
    INCONVENIENCED.
 She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM
    DENSITY.
 She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached
    COSMETIC SATURATION.
 She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY
    RESISTANT.
 She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
 She does not have THIN LIPS - She is COLLAGEN DEPENDENT

Top
Subj:     More Of Maxine's Wisdom (S435, DU)
          From: darrell94590 on 5/27/2005
 
 People who live in glass houses
 should make love in the basement.

 Never read the fine print. There
 ain't no way you're going to like it.

 If you let a smile be your umbrella,
 then most likely your butt will get
 soaking wet.

 The only two things we do with
 greater frequency in middle age
 are urinate and attend funerals.

 The trouble with bucket seats is
 that not everybody has the same
 size bucket.

 To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.

 Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands
 of old ladies running around with tattoos?

 Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable
 to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

 Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

 Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

 After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint,
 you are probably dead.

 As usual, if you don't forward this to 10 of your friends within
 the next 5 minutes, your belly button will fall off.  Really...
 it's true! Have I ever lied to you?

Top
Subj:     Just Say No (S290b, DU)
          From: Cypriot on 8/23/2002

 How To Tell Someone No Without Saying No
 (Handy excuses for any occasion)
 

 I'd love to, but...

 ... I have to floss my cat.

 ... I've dedicated my life to linguini.

 ... I want to spend more time with my blender.

 ... The President said he might drop in.

 ... The man on television told me to say tuned.

 ... I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.

 ... I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.

 ... It's my parakeet's bowling night.

 ... It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.

 ... I'm building a pig from a kit.

 ... I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.

 ... I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.

 ... There's a disturbance in the Force.

 ... I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.

 ... I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still
     wanted.

 ... I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.

 ... I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.

 ... I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.

 ... I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.

 ... My crayons all melted together.

 ... I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.

 ... I'm in training to be a household pest.

 ... I'm getting my overalls overhauled.

 ... My patent is pending.

 ... I'm attending the opening of my garage door.

 ... I'm sandblasting my oven.

 ... I'm worried about my vertical hold.

 ... I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.

 ... I'm being deported.

 ... The grunion are running.

 ... I'll be looking for a parking space.

 ... My Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.

 ... The monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to
     eat more dots.

 ... I'm taking punk totem pole carving.

 ... I have to fluff my shower cap.

 ... I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.

 ... I've come down with a really horrible case of something
     or other.

 ... I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.

 ... My plot to take over the world is thickening.

 ... I have to fulfill my potential.

 ... I don't want to leave my comfort zone.

 ... It's too close to the turn of the century.

 ... I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.

 ... My subconscious says no.

 ... I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.

 ... I left my body in my other clothes.

 ... The last time I went, I never came back.

 ... I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.

 ... I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.

 ... None of my socks match.

 ... I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.

 ... I'm having all my plants neutered.

 ... People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.

 ... I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.

 ... I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in
     My Refrigerator."

 ... I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.

 ... My yucca plant is feeling yucky.

 ... I'm touring China with a wok band.

 ... My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.

 ... I never go out on days that end in "Y."

 ... My mother would never let me hear the end of it.

 ... I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange
     student named Basil Metabolism.

 ... I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and
     I can't put it down.

 ... I'm too old/young for that stuff.

 ... I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.

 ... I have too much guilt.

 ... There are important world issues that need worrying about.

 ... I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.

 ... I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.

 ... I promised to help a friend fold road maps.

 ... I feel a song coming on.

 ... I'm trying to be less popular.

 ... My bathroom tiles need grouting.

 ... I have to bleach my hare.

 ... I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.

 ... I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.

 ... You know how we psychos are.

 ... My favorite commercial is on TV.

 ... I have to study for a blood test.

 ... I'm going to be old someday.

 ... I've been traded to Cincinnati.

 ... I'm observing National Apathy Week.

 ... I have to rotate my crops.

 ... My uncle escaped again.

 ... I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.

 ... I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.

 ... I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.

 ... I have to go to court for kitty littering.

 ... I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.

 ... I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.

 ... Having fun gives me prickly heat.

 ... I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if
     anyone is looking for me.

 ... I have to jog my memory.

 ... My palm reader advised against it.

 ... My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.

 ... I have to stay home and see if I snore.

 ... I prefer to remain an enigma.

 ... I think you want the OTHER [your name].

 ... I have to sit up with a sick ant.

 ... I'm trying to cut down.

 ... well, maybe.

Top
Subj:     A Child In Need (S274b, DU)
          From: KMACINTY on 5/1/2002

 Several weekends ago, I was rushing around doing some last
 minute Valentine's Day shopping.  I was stressed out and not
 thinking very fondly of the weather right then.  It was dark,
 cold, and wet in the parking lot.  As I was loading my car,
 I noticed that a receipt I might need later was missing.
 Mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the mall
 entrance.

 While searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I
 heard a quiet sobbing.  The crying was coming from a poorly
 dressed boy 10 to12-years-old.  He was short, undernourished,
 and terribly thin.  He had no coat or hat, and his badly
 worn tennis shoes were soaked.  He was just wearing a ragged
 flannel shirt to protect him from the wet and cold night's
 chill.

 Oddly enough, he was holding a $100 bill in his hand.
 Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked
 him what was wrong.

 He told me his sad story.  He said that he came from a
 large family. He had three brothers and four sisters.  His
 father had died when he was 9-years-old.  His mother was
 poorly educated and worked two full time jobs.  She made
 very little to support her large family.  Nevertheless,
 she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to
 buy her children some warm clothing . (She couldn't afford
 to get them anything for Christmas) and medicine for the
 baby sister.

 The young boy had been dropped off by his mother on the
 way to her night job cleaning offices.  The lad said he
 was to use the money to buy clothing for all his siblings,
 medicine for baby sister, but save just enough to ride
 the bus home.  The boy said that he had not even entered
 the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred
 dollar bills and disappeared into the night.

 "Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.

 The boy said, "I did,"

 "And nobody came to help you?" I queried.

 The boy, looking down at the sidewalk, sadly shook his head.

 "How loud did you scream?" I inquired.

 The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Please
 help me!"

 Of course no one came to help. I realized that absolutely
 no one could have heard that poor wisp of a boy cry for
 help.  So I grabbed his other $100 bill and ran to my car.

 Sincerely,

 Kenneth Lay
 Former CEO, Enron

Top
Subj:     Trick Questions And Answers (S299, DU)
          From: pns on 10/25/2002

 Q: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete
    floor without cracking it?
 A: Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

 Q: If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,
    how long would it take four men to build it?
 A: No time at all it is already built.

 Q. Approximately how many birthdays does the
    average Japanese woman have?
 A: Just one. All the others are anniversaries.

 Q: If you had three apples and four oranges in one
    hand and four apples and three oranges in the
    other hand, what would you have ?
 A: Very large hands.

 Q: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
 A: It is not a problem, since you will never find
    an elephant with one hand.

 Q: How can a man go eight days without sleep?
 A: He sleeps at night.

 Q: Why it is impossible to send a telegram to
    Washington today ?
 A: Because he is dead.

 Q: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what
    it will become ?
 A: It becomes wet.

 Q: What often falls but never gets hurt ?
 A: Rain

 Q: What is that no man ever saw which never was
    but always will be ?
 A: Tomorrow

 Q: What looks like half a apple ?
 A: The other half.

 Q: What can you never eat for breakfast ?
 A: Dinner.

 Q: What gets wet with drying ?
 A: A towel.

 Q: What 3 letters change a girl into a woman ?
 A: AGE.

 Q: What happened when wheel was invented ?
 A: It caused a revolution.

 Q: Why is it easy to weigh a fish ?
 A: Because it has its own scales.

 Q: Why does a bike rest on its leg ?
 A: Because it is too tyred.
 


Subj:     Single Silly Thoughts

Top
Subj:     Your Life Explained By Scientific Graphs (S764)
          From: sam.hutkins on 9/4/2011
.
Drawing from JPowered.com
 Source: http://www.scribd.com/doc/50789749/
.........Your-life-explained-by-scientific-graphs
 Click 'HERE' to see these twelve, funny, all too real graphs.
 

Top
Subj:     Things That Can Kill You (S455, S617)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/5/2005
 Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you.  The next
 day I stopped smoking.

 Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you.
 The next day I stopped eating red meat..

 Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you.
 The next day I stopped drinking.

 Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you.
 This morning I stopped reading.
 

Top
Subj:     When Things Go Wrong (S453)
          From: LABLaughsAdult20050923 on 9/23/05
 Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 This cartoon is too funny to miss.  You can view it
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 
 

From: LABLaughsClean on 8/6/2004 (S393b)
 Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

From: LABLaughsClean on 8/6/2004 (S393b)
 Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?

From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 12/20/2006 (S518b)
 "The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun
  of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself."
    -- James Thurber

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.............................From Smiley_Central.
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