Subj: You Know You're From...
(Includes 29 jokes and articles, 01842n,10,cf,md4,5)
Click "Here" for
You Know You're From-Supp
San Francisco from
Millanimations
| >>>
Subj: You Know You're From... (Includes 29 jokes and articles, 01842n,10,cf,md4,5)
Click "Here" for
|
|
San Francisco from Millanimations |
Also see CARS-SUPP2 - 'Gymkhana
FIVE: Urban Playground; San Francisco' - Movie
COMPUTERS4 - 'Signs
That You Are In The 21st Century'
COW_SHEEP - 'You
Have Two Cows Vers. II'
COWBOY file - 'It's
So Hot In Texas That...'
DOONSBURY - (many
Arnold pictures)
FACTS5 file - 'Rolling
Blackout Exemptions'
FARMER1 file - 'You
Might Be a Farmer If...'
GAYS file - 'Gay
Marriage'
HEAVEN2 file - 'I
Dreamed I Went To Heaven-Poem'
ITALIAN file - 'You Know
Your Italian When...'
NATIONAL file- 'Only
In America'
NATIONAL2 - 'You
Know You Work For The Government If...'
NATIONAL-SUPP- 'Landmark
Quiz'
NEW_YORK file- 'You
Know You're From The Bronx (Da Bronx) If'
POLICE-SUPP2 - 'Big
Baby In Vallejo' - Newspaper article
POLIT-SUPP2 - 'You
Might Be A Wall Street Occupier, If:'
STORIES_SUPP - 'Steve Gibbs
"When We Were Kids"'
TRAIN file - 'Rail
Road Crossing In North Dakota'
===========================================================Top
| Subj:
San Francisco in 1905 (S672b,d)
From: Wimp.com on 11/14/2009 Source: http://www.wimp.com/sanfrancisco/ |
 |
This seven minute video clip
of a cable car ride in 1905
down Market Street in San Francisco
is amazing and scary.
Click on the above source, or
'HERE'
for my copy, to take
this wonderful trip into the
past.
Top
Subj: Atlanta,
GA (S400c)
LABLaughs.com on 8/14/2006
This is for anyone who lives
in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever
lived in Atlanta, has ever visited
Atlanta, ever plans to
visit Atlanta, knows anyone
who already lives in Atlanta,
or knows anyone who has ever
heard of Atlanta.
Atlanta is composed mostly of
one-way streets. The only
way to get out of downtown Atlanta
is to turnaround and
start over when you reach Greenville,
South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go
down Peachtree" and include
the phrase, "When you see the
Waffle House." Except that
in Cobb County, where all directions
begin with, "Go to
the Big Chicken."
Peachtree Street has no beginning
and no end and is not to
be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Atlantans only know their way
to work and their way home.
If you ask anyone for directions,
they will always send
you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola.
Coke's all they drink
there, so don't ask for any
other soft drink unless it's
made by Coca-Cola.
The gates at Atlanta's Hartsfield
International Airport
are about 32 miles away from
the Main Concourse, so wear
sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8am rush hour is from 6:30
to 10:30 AM.
The 5pm rush hour is from 3:00
to 7:30 PM.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday
afternoon
and lasts through 2am Saturday.
Only a native can pronounce Ponce
De Leon Avenue, so do
not attempt the Spanish pronunciation.
People will
simply tilt their heads to the
right and stare at you.
The Atlanta pronunciation is
"pawntz duh LEE-awn."
And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."
The falling of one raindrop causes
all drivers to immed-
iately forget all traffic rules.
If a single snowflake
falls, the city is paralyzed
for three days and it's on
all the channels as a news flash
every 15 minutes for a
week. Overnight, all grocery
stores will be sold out
of milk, bread, bottled water,
toilet paper, and beer.
I-285, the loop that encircles
Atlanta, which has a
posted speed limit of 55 mph
(but you have to maintain
80 mph just to keep from getting
run over), is known to
truckers as "The Watermelon
500."
Don't believe the directional
markers on highways: I-285
is marked "East" and West" but
you may be going North or
South. The locals identify
the direction by referring to
the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer
Loop."
If you travel on Hwy 92 North,
you will actually be going
southeast.
Never buy a ladder or mattress
in Atlanta. Just go to one
of the interstates and you will
soon find one in the
middle of the road.
The last thing you want to do
is give another driver the
finger, unless your car is armored,
your trigger finger
is itchy and your AK-47 has
a full clip.
Possums sleep in the middle of
the road with their feet
in the air. There are 5,000
types of snakes and 4,998 live
in Georgia. There are 10,000
types of spiders. All 10,000
live in Georgia, plus a couple
no one has seen before. If
it grows, it sticks. If
it crawls, it bites. If you notice
a vine trying to wrap itself
around your leg, you have about
20 seconds to escape, before
you are completely captured and
covered with Kudzu, another
ill-advised "import," like the
carp, starling, English sparrow,
and other "exotic wonders."
It's not a shopping cart, it's
a buggy. "Fixinto" is one
word (I'm fixinto go to the
store).
Sweet Tea is appropriate for
all meals and you start
drinking it when you're 2 years
old.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
"Momma-nem" means: How's Mother
and all of the other
children and other members of
the family doing.
If you understand these, forward
them to your friends from
Atlanta, Georgia and those who
just wish they were.
Top
Subj: You
know You are from Georgia When ... Part I (S494b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/13/2006
1. You can properly pronounce
Chickamauga, DeKalb, Dahlonega,
Smyrna, Buena
Vista, Valdosta, Okefenokee, and La Fayette.
(P.S. Atlanta
= ADD-LANNA not AT-LANT-A.)
2. You think people who complain
about the heat in their
states are
sissies.
3. A tornado warning siren is
your signal to go out in the
yard and
look for a funnel.
4. You know that the true value
of a parking space is not
determined
by the distance to the door, but by the
availability
of shade.
5. Stores don't have bags or
shopping carts, they have sacks
and buggies.
6. You've seen people wear bib overalls at weddings and funerals.
7. You think everyone from a Yankee-state has an accent.
8. You measure distance in minutes.
9. You go to the lake because
you think it is like going
to the ocean.
10. You listen to the weather
forecast before picking out
an outfit.
11. You know cow pies are not made of beef.
12. Someone you know has used
a football schedule to plan
their wedding
date.
13. You know someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.
14. Almost everyone you know is either Baptist or Methodist.
15. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status
symbol. A Chevy Silverado
Extended
Bed Crew Cab is.
16. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing.
 |
Subj:
Texas Shopping (S681b,d)
From: allenbergman on 1/29/2010 |
Click 'HERE'
to see the silly, cute video "How do you
know you're shopping in Texas?"
Top
Subj: You
Know You're From Phoenix, Arizona If... (S300b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/9/2005
1. You are willing to park 3
blocks away because you
found shade.
:-)
2. You can open and drive your
car without touching the
car door
or the steering wheel.
3. You've experienced condensation
on your butt from the
hot water
in the toilet bowl.
4. You would give anything
to be able to splash cold
water on
your face.
5. You can attend any function
wearing shorts and
a tank top.
6. "Dress Code" is meaningless
at high schools and
universities.
Picture lingerie ads.
7. You can drive for 4 hours
in one direction and
never leave
town.
8. You have over 100 recipes
for Mexican food.
9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable,
hot, really hot, and
ARE YOU KIDDING
ME??!!
10. You know that "dry heat"
is comparable to what hits
you in the
face when you open your oven door.
Top
Subj: Is It
Time To Evaluate Our Involvement? (S384)
From: tadams96 on 6/2/2004
Every day there are news reports
about more deaths. Every
night on TV there are photos
of death and destruction. Why
are we still there?
We occupied this land, which
we had to take by force, but
it causes us nothing but trouble.
Why are we still there?
Many of our children go there
and never come back. Why
are we still there?
Their government is unstable,
and they have loopy leadership.
Why are we still there?
Many of their people are uncivilized. Why are we still there?
The place is subject to natural
disasters, which we are
supposed to bail them out of.
Why are we still there?
There are more than 1000 religious
sects, which we do not
understand. Why are we
still there?
Their folkways, foods and fads
are unfathomable to ordinary
Americans. Why are we still
there?
We can't even secure the borders. Why are we still there?
They are billions of dollars
in debt and it will cost
billions more to rebuild, which
we can't afford. Why
are we still there?
It is becoming clear.
WE MUST PULL OUT OF CALIFORNIA!
Top
Subj: You
Know You're A Coloranan If... (S354b)
From: Imogenelumen on 11/8/2003
 |
Top
Subj: New
California Language (S352)
From: Imogenelumen on 10/28/2003
The New California Governor has
just announced an agreement
whereby English will be the
official language of the state,
rather than German, which was
the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations,
The Terminator's Government
conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5-year phase-in
plan that would become
known as "Austro-English" (or,
perhaps even better,
"Austrionics".)
In the first year, "s" will replace
the soft "c". Sertainly,
this will make the sivil servants
jump with joy. The hard
"c" will be dropped in favour
of the "k". This should klear
up konfusion, and keyboards
kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year
when the troublesome "ph" will
be replaced with the "f".
This will make words like fotograf
20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse
of the new spelling kan
be expekted to reach the stage
where more komplikated changes
are possible.
Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters which
have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horibl mes of
the silent "e" in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go
away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv
to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary
"o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and after ziz
fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil
sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis
and evrivun vil find it
ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru.
If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas it on to oza pepl.
Top
Subj: You
Know You're From Missouri If... (S300b)
From: dmswitzer on 10/27/2002
I haven't contributed anything
to the Sunday Funnies in a
very very long time, but I thought
this might be something
that would be original enough.
Of course, if you don't
have other readers in Missouri
(or who know people from
Missouri), the humor may not
be apparent!
1. You've never met any celebrities.
2. Everyone you know has been
on a "Float Trip"
3. "Vacation" means driving
to Silver Dollar City,
Worlds of
Fun or Six Flags.
4. You've seen all the biggest
bands ten years
AFTER they
were popular.
5. You measure distance in
minutes rather than miles.
6. Down south to you means
Arkansas.
7. The phrase "I'm going to
the Lake this weekend"
only means
one thing.
8. You know several people
who have hit a deer.
9. You think Missouri is spelled
with an "ah" at the end.
10. Your school classes were
canceled because of cold.
11. You know what "Party Cove"
is.
12. Your school classes were
canceled because of heat.
13. You instinctively ask someone
you've just met,
"What High
School did you go to?"
14. You've had to switch from
"heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
15. You think ethanol makes
your truck "run a lot better."
16. You know what's knee-high
by the Fourth of July.
17. You see people wear bib
overalls at funerals.
18. You see a car running in
the parking lot at the store
with no one
it, no matter what time of the year.
19. You know in your heart that
Mizzou can beat Nebraska
in football.
(but NEVER Oklahoma!)
20. You end your sentences with
an unnecessary preposition.
Example:
"Where's my coat at?"
21. All the festivals across
the state are named after
a fruit,
vegetable, or grain.
22. You install security lights
on your house and garage
and leave
both unlocked.
23. You think of the major four
food groups as beef,
potato, beer,
and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
24. You carry jumper cables
in your car and
know that
everyone else should.
25. You went to skating parties
as a kid.
26. You only own three spices:
salt, pepper, and ketchup.
27. You design your kid's Halloween
costume to fit
over a snowsuit.
28. You think sexy lingerie
is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
29. The local paper covers national
and international
headlines
on one page, but requires six pages for sports.
30. You think I-44 is spelled
and pronounced "farty-far."
(St. Louis
only)
31. You'll pay for your kids
to go to college unless
they want
to go to KU.
32. You think that deer season
is a national holiday.
33. You know that Concordia
is halfway between Kansas City
and Columbia,
and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis
and Kansas
City, and the Warrenton outlet mall is
halfway between
Columbia and St. Louis.
34. You can't think of anything
better than sitting on the
porch in
the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
35. You know which leaves make
good toilet paper.
36. You've said, "It's not the
heat, it's the humidity."
37. You know all four seasons:
Almost Summer, Summer,
Still Summer
and Winter.
38. You know if another Missourian
is from the Bootheel,
Ozarks, Eastern,
Middle or Western Missouri soon as
they open
their mouth.
39. You know that Harry S. Truman,
Walt Disney and
Mark Twain
are all from Missouri.
40. You failed world geography
in school because you
thought Cuba,
Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston,
Cabool, Louisiana,
Springfield, Japan and Mexico were
cities in
Missouri. (And they are!)
41. You think a traffic jam
is ten cars waiting
to pass a
tractor.
42. You know what "HOME OF THE
THROWED ROLL" means !!!
43. You actually get these jokes
and forward them to all
your Missouri
friends !!
| Subj:
Wireless Parking In San Francisco (S682b,d)
Produced by Good Magazine and IBM From: Wimp.com on 1/4/10 (in Cars-Supp2) |
 |
Click on either, above source,
or 'HERE' for
my copy,
to see this fascinating, new
innovation in parking.
Top
Subj: Where
Do You Live? (S297b, S662b)
From: coreymac on 10/11/2002
and
From: gattica30 on 9/18/2009
You live in Phoenix, Arizona when..
1. You are willing to park 3
blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation
on your butt
from the hot water
in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours
in one direction
and never leave
town.
4. You have over 100 recipes
for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat"
is comparable to what hits you
in the face when
you open your oven door. The 4 seasons
are: tolerable,
hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You live in California when...
1. You make over $250,000 and
you still can't afford
to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback
calls a time-out
to answer his cell
phone.
3. The fastest part of your
commute is
going down your
driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your rented Mercedes
to your neighborhood
block party.
6. When someone asks you how
far something is,
you tell them how
long it will take to get
there rather than
how many miles away it is.
You live in New York City when...
1. You say "the city" and expect
everyone
to know you mean
Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the
Statue of Liberty
or the Empire State
Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour
argument about how
to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but
can't find Wisconsin
on a map.
4. You think Central Park is
"nature,"
5. You believe that being able
to swear at people
in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is
an act of aggression.
You live in Maine when...
1. You only have four spices:
salt, pepper, ketchup,
and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over
parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe
for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything
flannel with less
than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter,
still winter,
almost winter,
and construction.
You live in the Deep South when...
1. You can rent a movie and buy
bait in the same store.
2."ya'll" is singular and "all
ya'll" is plural.
3. After five years you still
hear, "You ain't from
'round here, are
Ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a
valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names:
Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob,
Mary Sue, Betty
Jean, etc.
You live in Colorado when...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain
bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to
pick up Granola on his way
home and he stops
at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a
football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald,
but you still have a
pony tail.
You live in the Midwest when...
1. You've never met any celebrities,
but the mayor
knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam
is ten cars waiting
to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from
"heat" to "A/C"
on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a
preposition:
"Where's my coat
at?"
5. When asked how your trip
was to any exotic place,
you say, "It was
different!"
You live in Florida when...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in
the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon
of some kind
- even houses and
cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an
excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends
anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are
often driven by headless people
Top
Subj: Moved
To Silicon Valley (S239b)
From: gheckman on 8/26/2001
Dear Mom,
January
Moved to Silicon Valley
for a job.
My salary is 30% higher!
I have stock options
by the truckload!
The temperature outside
is 65F in winter!
California is the best
place on earth!!!
February
Still looking for an
apartment.
Freeways everywhere to
take you places.
Still love California!
March
Found a 1 bedroom apartment
for $1900/mo.
California is more expensive
than I thought.
Met nice girl down the
hall -- think I'll ask
her out.
April
Gas hit $2.89/gal.
Somebody stole the gas
from my car.
Nice girl turned out
to be guy...
This sucks!!
May
A small earthquake!
And this is what you
were so worried about?
Almost didn't feel it.
June
A forest fire and a mud
slide near LA.
Who cares, that is far
away from me!
July
A big earthquake... Spent
4 hours in my bathtub.
Boy, that was scary.
We had no stinking earthquakes
where I came from.
August
Drought! They turn on
the water once a day.
Somebody stole the water
from my car's radiator.
Why did I come to California?
September
Decided to buy a house.
Found a 2-bedroom fixer-
upper for $800K.
Borrowed against my stock
options for down payment.
Freeway traffic is worse.
Today it took nearly
two hours, One way!
October
My startup fired 90%
of the work force, including me.
The stock lost 98% of
its value.
My options are underwater.
November
Had to sell the house.
Couldn't make the payments.
Found a studio apartment
for $2300/mo.
Traffic unbearable
December
Problems with electricity.
They turn the electricity
off several times a day. It's
called "rolling blackouts."
Who stole my car battery,
and what do I do now?
January
I'm typing this, stuck
in an elevator, in complete darkness.
The battery of my laptop
is dying.
Silicon Valley is no
more.
Angry hordes of former
dot-commers are looting in the dark.
I'm coming back home.
Your loving son
(S672)
by John Graziano From: Comics.com on 11/26/2009 |
 |
Top
Your sunglasses fog up when you
step outside.
You don't think it inappropriate
to refer to a large adult
male as "Li'l Bubba."
No matter where else you go
in the world, you are always
disappointed in
the food.
You get up in the morning and
start a pot of rice to cooking
before you give
any thought to what you'll fix for dinner.
Your loved one dies and you
book a jazz band before you call
the coroner.
You think the breeze from a
flying roach feels good on a hot
summer night.
You can sing these jingles by
heart:
"Rosenberg's, Rosenberg's,
1825 Tulane" "At the beach,
at the beach, at
Pontchartrain Beach..."
You were a high school graduate
before you realized that
Catholic and Public
were not two major religions.
Your baby's first words are
"long beads."
You ask, "How they running?"
and "Are dey fat?" but you're
inquiring about
seafood quality and not the Cresent City
Classic.
When a hurricane is imminent,
you have a lot more faith in
Nash Roberts than
Super Doppler 6000.
Your town is low on the education
chart, high on the obesity
chart and you don't
care because you're No. 1 on the party
chart.
Nothing shocks you. Period.
Ever - not politics, hurricanes,
red lights, parking
tickets, the Saints, Mardi Gras...
Your one-martini lunch becomes
a five-bloody Mary afternoon...
and you keep your
job.
You're walking in the French
Quarter with a plastic cup of beer.
When it starts to rain, you
cover your beer instead of your head.
Your idea of health food is
a baked potato instead of fries
with your seafood
platter.
You have to take your coffee
and favorite coffeemaker with
you on a three-day
trip.
You exhibit the "doubloon reflex"
by stomping runaway coins
with your foot.
You have sno-ball stains on
your shoes.
You call tomato sauce "red gravy".
Your middle name is your mother's
maiden name or your father's
mother's maiden
name or your mother's mother's maiden name
or your grandmother's
mother's maiden name or your grand-
father's mother's
maiden name.
You know you recycled too much
newspaper when there isn't
enough for the
dinner (or crawfish) table.
You are going through customs
and the agent asks you where
you're from and
you answer, "Gentilly."
On certain spring days, crawfish
Monica is your breakfast.
You eat sno-balls instead of
throwing them.
Your house payment is less than
your utility bill.
You've done your laundry in
a bar.
You push little old ladies out
of the way to catch
Mardi Gras throws.
You look forward to being smashed
by a hurricane.
Catching "crabs" makes you smile.
You write "crookedpolitician"
as all one word.
You know it's "ask" but you
purposely say "ax".
You understand it when someone
describes their favorite color
as K?B purple.
You know how to mispronounce
street names correctly.
(Melpomene, Terpsichore,
Chartres, etc.)
You know that Tchoupitoulas
is a street and not a disease.
You can "boo" the mayor on national
television.
Beignets are the major cause
of your gallstones.
You wear sweaters in October
because it ought to be cold.
Someone asks you "Where you
at?" and you tell them
how you are.
You are left behind at an out-of-town
bar searching for
a "go cup."
You think of potholes as naturally
occurring speed bumps.
Your grandparents are called
"Maw Maw" and "Paw Paw."
Your Santa Claus rides an alligator,
Your favorite Saint is
a football player,
you suck heads, sing the blues and you
actually know where
you got them shoes.
You shake out your shoes before
putting them on.
You know why you should never,
ever swim by the Lake
Pontchartrain steps
(for more than one reason).
You cringe every time you hear
an actor with a Southern or
Cajun accent in
a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.
You have to reset your clocks
after every thunderstorm.
You still call the Fairmont
Hotel the Roosevelt.
You consider garbage cans a
legal step to protecting your
parking space on
a public street.
Top
Subj: You
Know You're From California When... (S193, S540c)
From: ICohen on 10/10/00
and
From: redcatt on 5/16/2007
1. Your coworker has 8 body
piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and
still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked
at two people carrying
on a conversation
in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher
has purple hair, a nose
ring, and
is named Flower.
5. You can't remember . . Is
pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower
that has two mothers and
a sperm donor.
7. You have a very string opinion
about where your coffee
beans are
grown, and you can taste the difference between
Sumatran
and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember . . .
Is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space
can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon
more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy
at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing
a baseball
cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney
really IS
George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs
as much as your house payment.
13. It's barely sprinkling rain
and there's a report on every
news station:
"STORM WATCH."
14. You pass an elementary school
playground and the children
are all busy
with their cells or pagers.
15. It's barely sprinkling rain
outside, so you leave for work
an hour early
to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
16. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
17. Both you AND your dog have
therapists, psychics, personal
trainers
and cosmetic surgeons.
18. The Terminator is your governor.
19. If you drive illegally,
they take your driver's license.
If you're
here illegally, they want to give you one
20. You pass an elementary school
playground and the children
are wearing
bullet proof vest.
From: DR SWITZER on 98-02-04
You know you're from California when...
21. Your car has bulletproof
windows.
22. Left is right and right
is wrong.
23. Your monthly house payments
exceed your annual income.
24. Your mouse has only one
ball.
25. You need a new TV, you can
run down to the local riot
and pick
one up.
26. You dive under a desk whenever
a large truck goes by.
27. You can't find your other
earring because your son
is wearing
it.
28. You drive to your neighborhood
block party.
29. Your family tree contains
significant others.
30. Your cat has it's own psychiatrist.
31. You don't exterminate your
roaches, you smoke them.
32. You see 25 lawyers chasing
an ambulance.
33. More than clothes come out
of the closets.
34. When "the Dead" are best
live.
35. You go to a tanning salon
before going to the beach.
36. Your blind date turns out
to be your ex-spouse.
37. More money is spent on facelifts
than on diapers.
38. Smoking in your office is
not optional.
39. You pack shorts and a T-shirt
for skiing in the snow,
and a sweater
and a wetsuit for the beach.
40. When you can't schedule
a meeting because you must
"do lunch".
41. Your children learn to walk
in Birkenstocks.
42. Rainstorms or thunder are
the lead story for the local news.
43. You'll reluctantly miss
yoga class to wait for the
hottub repairman.
44. You consult your horoscope
before planning your day.
45. A glass has been reserved
for you at your favorite winery.
46. When all highways into the
state say: no fruits.
47. All highways out of the
state say: Go back
48. The fastest part of your
commute is down your driveway.
49. You were born somewhere
else.
50. You know how to eat an artichoke.
51. The primary bugs that you
worry about are electronic.
Top
Subj: You
Know You Live In SF When... (S44)
From: auntieg on 97-11-29
Your co-worker tells you he has
eight body piercings -
none are visible.
When someone says "TENDERLOIN",
you don't think steak;
you think danger.
You make well over $100,000
and you still can't find a
nice place to live.
A really great parking spot
can move you to tears.
You think anyone who drives
a car to work is decadent.
You keep a list of companies
to boycott.
You would never dream of crossing
a picket line.
You take the bus and are shocked
at two people
carrying on a conversation
in English.
You realize there are far more
Rainbow flags in the city
than the California
State flag.
The guy who cuts your hair is
straight, and your
plumber is gay.
The woman who delivers your
mail is straight,
and your Mary Kay
Lady is gay.
Old friends you haven't talked
to in years suddenly call.
"Do you have a
spare bedroom for a weekend?"
You think anyone wearing a George
Clooney haircut
is visiting from
the Midwest.
You can't remember...Is pot
still illegal?
You go to your office manager's
baby shower.
The parents are
named Judy and Becky.
You give a "thumbs up" gesture
to a car with a
FREE TIBET bumper
sticker-and you mean it.
You know that anyone wearing
shorts in June is just
visiting from Ohio.
A man walks on MUNI in full
leather regalia
and crotch less
chaps. You don't notice.
You curse those damn tourists
- but always stop to help
a cute person who
is looking puzzled at a city map.
When you drive under an underpass,
for one moment you
think "earthquake".
Your boss runs in "The Bay to
Breakers"
....it's the first
time you have seen him nude.
You are thinking of taking an
adult education class,
but you can't decide
between a Yoga, Channeling or
Building Your Web
Site class.
Your new neighbors go to temple,
but you
are still not sure if
they are Jewish or Buddhist.
You realize the only Republicans
you know
are your Aunt and Uncle
in Georgia.
From: Ossama's Laugh on 6/14/98
You never bother looking at
the MUNI line schedule because
you know the drivers
have never seen it.
You've been to more than one
baby shower
that has two mothers
and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion
about where your coffee
beans are grown
and can taste the difference between
Sumatra and Ethiopian.
You assume every company offers
domestic partner benefits.
Your child's 3rd grade teacher
has two pierced ears, a nose
ring and is named
"Breeze." And, after telling a friend,
they still need
to ask if the teacher is male or female.
You haven't been to Fisherman's
Wharf since the first month
you moved to SF
and you couldn't figure out how to drive
to Coit Tower if
your life depended on it.
A woman walks on MUNI with live
poultry. You don't notice.
You know that any woman with
a George Clooney haircut is
not a tourist.
Top
Subj: You Know You're
From The Bay Area When... (S10)
From Micheal.Janniro on 97-03-28
You make $100,000 a year, yet
still can't find
a place to live.
Your commute time is 45 minutes
and you live 8 miles
away from work.
Stop asking how much things
cost but, ask "How long
will it take?"
Two-Thirds of the people you
know are from Boston or
New York, but you
are living in PST.
Know vast differences difference
between Thai, Vietnemese,
Japanese, Cantonese,
and Korean food.
Your home computer contains
mostly hardware/software that is
not on the consumer
market yet.
Go to "The City" on weekends
but don't live there because
you like your car.
Think that "I'm going to Fry's."
is an acceptable excuse to
leave the office
for a while, and your boss does too.
Lost your alarm clock. You'll
get to work when you get there.
Go to an industrial-heavy-metal
bar and see two guys get
into a fight over
what flavor of unix is better.
Own more than 10 articles of
clothing that have hardware/software
companies printed
on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.
You know where Woz Way, Resistor
Ave, and Floppy Dr are located.
You know who Woz is.
You know 280 North runs west,
and 680 N runs East.
Even though Microsoft employs
quite a few programmers in
the Bay Area, they
only work on Powerpoint, and the
company is still
the embodiment of Satan.
You see a billboard that says
"FGPA2ASIC" and aren't phased.
When you need the updated Diamond
Monster 3D drivers,
you just walk across
the street.
You have more bandwidth in your
apartment or condo
than most major
universities.
Your workplace vending machines
dispense "100% natural
twig-bars" right
next to Jolt cola and Instant Espresso mix.
From: DR SWITZER on 98-02-24 (S56)
You know you're living in the
Bay Area when . . . you
have to move your
house into the street because of
mudslides, and
then you have to register your house
with the DMV.
Subj: Short
California Facts
| Subj:
How To Pronounce Oklahoma (S610c)
From: rfslick on 9/16/2008 Photo from
CVDavis.BlogSpot.com...
|
 |
The proper way is: Okla . . .
Homa (There's a pause
between the 'a' and the 'h'.)
To see the reason, click 'HERE'.
Top
Subj: Back
In 1850 (S447b, S637c)
From: RFSlick on 8/25/2005
and
From: tom on 3/22/2009
Do you know what happened this
week back in 1850?
California became a state.
The state had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gun fights in the
middle of the streets.
So it was just like California
today, except the women
had real breasts
 |
Subj:
Bawstin (S573c)
From: tom on 1/8/2008 Photo from Yahoo! Images |
Top
Subj: California
Resolution (S240)
From: bonehead on 8/30/2001
Bonehead award two goes to the
State Assembly in the
California Statehouse for passing
a resolution that
proclaimed the Yellowstone National
Park as one of
California's most treasured
tourist attractions. Not
without a fight, says Wyoming,
the true home of Yellowstone.
Adopted from Bill Flick, Daily
Pentagraph
(Bloomington-Normal, Illinois)
| Subj:
Crossing Streets In California (S545b)
Mother Goose And Grimm Comics on 6/21/2007 Source: http://www.grimmy.com/comics.php |
 |
Top
Subj: California's
New State Seal (S358)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 12/11/2003
This is so good, you have to
see California's new State Seal.
Go to my web site at
http://jokelibrary.150m.com/yyDrawings/doonesbury5.html
or click 'Here'.
 |
Subj:
Mapspots (S484)
From: igiggle on 5/1/2006 Source: http://www.mapspots.com/ |
| Subj:
Top 100 Cities In America (S481)
From: gibbz on 4/10/2006 |
 |
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments
From: auntieg 98-05-09
Los Angeles's full name is "El
Pueblo de Nuestra Senora
la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"
? can be abbreviated
to 3.63% of its size, "L.A."
The Chico, California, City Council
enacted a ban on
nuclear weapons, setting a $500
fine for anyone
detonating one within city limits.
From NBC News on 7/6/00 (S179)
The coldest winter I ever spent
was a summer in San Francisco.
-- Mark Twain
For more Twain quotes see 'Twain
on Government' in POLITICAL2.
From: Robert P. on 10/12/03 (S350b)
Q: Did you hear about the woman
in San Francisco who was
walking down the
street and was attacked by three men?
A: Two held her down while the
other did her hair.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
.
.........................
.Smiley
in Yellowstone from Smiley_Central
.
.
.