Subj: You Know You're From...
(Includes 29 jokes and articles, 01842n,10,cf,md4,5)
Click "Here" for
San Francisco from
Also see CARS-SUPP2 - 'Gymkhana
FIVE: Urban Playground; San Francisco' - Movie
COMPUTERS4 - 'Signs That You Are In The 21st Century'
COW_SHEEP - 'You Have Two Cows Vers. II'
COWBOY file - 'It's So Hot In Texas That...'
DOONSBURY - (many Arnold pictures)
FACTS5 file - 'Rolling Blackout Exemptions'
FARMER1 file - 'You Might Be a Farmer If...'
GAYS file - 'Gay Marriage'
HEAVEN2 file - 'I Dreamed I Went To Heaven-Poem'
ITALIAN file - 'You Know Your Italian When...'
NATIONAL file- 'Only In America'
NATIONAL2 - 'You Know You Work For The Government If...'
NATIONAL-SUPP- 'Landmark Quiz'
NEW_YORK file- 'You Know You're From The Bronx (Da Bronx) If'
POLICE-SUPP2 - 'Big Baby In Vallejo' - Newspaper article
POLIT-SUPP2 - 'You Might Be A Wall Street Occupier, If:'
STORIES_SUPP - 'Steve Gibbs "When We Were Kids"'
TRAIN file - 'Rail Road Crossing In North Dakota'
San Francisco in 1905 (S672b,d)
From: Wimp.com on 11/14/2009
This seven minute video clip
of a cable car ride in 1905
down Market Street in San Francisco is amazing and scary.
Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to take
this wonderful trip into the past.
Subj: Atlanta, GA (S400c)
LABLaughs.com on 8/14/2006
This is for anyone who lives
in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever
lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to
visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta,
or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta.
Atlanta is composed mostly of
one-way streets. The only
way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turnaround and
start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go
down Peachtree" and include
the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House." Except that
in Cobb County, where all directions begin with, "Go to
the Big Chicken."
Peachtree Street has no beginning
and no end and is not to
be confused with:
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Atlantans only know their way
to work and their way home.
If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send
you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola.
Coke's all they drink
there, so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's
made by Coca-Cola.
The gates at Atlanta's Hartsfield
are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear
sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8am rush hour is from 6:30
to 10:30 AM.
The 5pm rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon
and lasts through 2am Saturday.
Only a native can pronounce Ponce
De Leon Avenue, so do
not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will
simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawntz duh LEE-awn."
And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."
The falling of one raindrop causes
all drivers to immed-
iately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake
falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on
all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a
week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out
of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
I-285, the loop that encircles
Atlanta, which has a
posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain
80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to
truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
Don't believe the directional
markers on highways: I-285
is marked "East" and West" but you may be going North or
South. The locals identify the direction by referring to
the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop."
If you travel on Hwy 92 North,
you will actually be going
Never buy a ladder or mattress
in Atlanta. Just go to one
of the interstates and you will soon find one in the
middle of the road.
The last thing you want to do
is give another driver the
finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger
is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.
Possums sleep in the middle of
the road with their feet
in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live
in Georgia. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000
live in Georgia, plus a couple no one has seen before. If
it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites. If you notice
a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about
20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and
covered with Kudzu, another ill-advised "import," like the
carp, starling, English sparrow, and other "exotic wonders."
It's not a shopping cart, it's
a buggy. "Fixinto" is one
word (I'm fixinto go to the store).
Sweet Tea is appropriate for
all meals and you start
drinking it when you're 2 years old.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
"Momma-nem" means: How's Mother
and all of the other
children and other members of the family doing.
If you understand these, forward
them to your friends from
Atlanta, Georgia and those who just wish they were.
Subj: You know You are from Georgia When ... Part I (S494b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/13/2006
1. You can properly pronounce
Chickamauga, DeKalb, Dahlonega,
Smyrna, Buena Vista, Valdosta, Okefenokee, and La Fayette.
(P.S. Atlanta = ADD-LANNA not AT-LANT-A.)
2. You think people who complain
about the heat in their
states are sissies.
3. A tornado warning siren is
your signal to go out in the
yard and look for a funnel.
4. You know that the true value
of a parking space is not
determined by the distance to the door, but by the
availability of shade.
5. Stores don't have bags or
shopping carts, they have sacks
6. You've seen people wear bib overalls at weddings and funerals.
7. You think everyone from a Yankee-state has an accent.
8. You measure distance in minutes.
9. You go to the lake because
you think it is like going
to the ocean.
10. You listen to the weather
forecast before picking out
11. You know cow pies are not made of beef.
12. Someone you know has used
a football schedule to plan
their wedding date.
13. You know someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.
14. Almost everyone you know is either Baptist or Methodist.
15. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status
symbol. A Chevy Silverado
Extended Bed Crew Cab is.
16. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing.
Texas Shopping (S681b,d)
From: allenbergman on 1/29/2010
to see the silly, cute video "How do you
know you're shopping in Texas?"
Subj: You Know You're From Phoenix, Arizona If... (S300b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/9/2005
1. You are willing to park 3
blocks away because you
found shade. :-)
2. You can open and drive your car without touching the
car door or the steering wheel.
3. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the
hot water in the toilet bowl.
4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold
water on your face.
5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and
a tank top.
6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and
universities. Picture lingerie ads.
7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and
never leave town.
8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits
you in the face when you open your oven door.
Subj: Is It Time To Evaluate Our Involvement? (S384)
From: tadams96 on 6/2/2004
Every day there are news reports
about more deaths. Every
night on TV there are photos of death and destruction. Why
are we still there?
We occupied this land, which
we had to take by force, but
it causes us nothing but trouble. Why are we still there?
Many of our children go there
and never come back. Why
are we still there?
Their government is unstable,
and they have loopy leadership.
Why are we still there?
Many of their people are uncivilized. Why are we still there?
The place is subject to natural
disasters, which we are
supposed to bail them out of. Why are we still there?
There are more than 1000 religious
sects, which we do not
understand. Why are we still there?
Their folkways, foods and fads
are unfathomable to ordinary
Americans. Why are we still there?
We can't even secure the borders. Why are we still there?
They are billions of dollars
in debt and it will cost
billions more to rebuild, which we can't afford. Why
are we still there?
It is becoming clear.
WE MUST PULL OUT OF CALIFORNIA!
Subj: You Know You're A Coloranan If... (S354b)
From: Imogenelumen on 11/8/2003
Subj: New California Language (S352)
From: Imogenelumen on 10/28/2003
The New California Governor has
just announced an agreement
whereby English will be the official language of the state,
rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations,
The Terminator's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Austro-English" (or, perhaps even better,
In the first year, "s" will replace
the soft "c". Sertainly,
this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard
"c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear
up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year
when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f".
This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse
of the new spelling kan
be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes
Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters which
have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv
to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary
"o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil
sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis
and evrivun vil find it
ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru.
If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas it on to oza pepl.
Subj: You Know You're From Missouri If... (S300b)
From: dmswitzer on 10/27/2002
I haven't contributed anything
to the Sunday Funnies in a
very very long time, but I thought this might be something
that would be original enough. Of course, if you don't
have other readers in Missouri (or who know people from
Missouri), the humor may not be apparent!
1. You've never met any celebrities.
2. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip"
3. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City,
Worlds of Fun or Six Flags.
4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years
AFTER they were popular.
5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles.
6. Down south to you means Arkansas.
7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend"
only means one thing.
8. You know several people who have hit a deer.
9. You think Missouri is spelled with an "ah" at the end.
10. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
11. You know what "Party Cove" is.
12. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
13. You instinctively ask someone you've just met,
"What High School did you go to?"
14. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
15. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
16. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
17. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
18. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store
with no one it, no matter what time of the year.
19. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska
in football. (but NEVER Oklahoma!)
20. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.
Example: "Where's my coat at?"
21. All the festivals across the state are named after
a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
22. You install security lights on your house and garage
and leave both unlocked.
23. You think of the major four food groups as beef,
potato, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
24. You carry jumper cables in your car and
know that everyone else should.
25. You went to skating parties as a kid.
26. You only own three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
27. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit
over a snowsuit.
28. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
29. The local paper covers national and international
headlines on one page, but requires six pages for sports.
30. You think I-44 is spelled and pronounced "farty-far."
(St. Louis only)
31. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless
they want to go to KU.
32. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
33. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City
and Columbia, and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis
and Kansas City, and the Warrenton outlet mall is
halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.
34. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the
porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
36. You've said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
37. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer,
Still Summer and Winter.
38. You know if another Missourian is from the Bootheel,
Ozarks, Eastern, Middle or Western Missouri soon as
they open their mouth.
39. You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and
Mark Twain are all from Missouri.
40. You failed world geography in school because you
thought Cuba, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston,
Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield, Japan and Mexico were
cities in Missouri. (And they are!)
41. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting
to pass a tractor.
42. You know what "HOME OF THE THROWED ROLL" means !!!
43. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all
your Missouri friends !!
Wireless Parking In San Francisco (S682b,d)
Produced by Good Magazine and IBM
From: Wimp.com on 1/4/10 (in Cars-Supp2)
Click on either, above source,
or 'HERE' for
to see this fascinating, new innovation in parking.
Subj: Where Do You Live? (S297b, S662b)
From: coreymac on 10/11/2002
and From: gattica30 on 9/18/2009
You live in Phoenix, Arizona when..
1. You are willing to park 3
blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt
from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction
and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you
in the face when you open your oven door. The 4 seasons
are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You live in California when...
1. You make over $250,000 and
you still can't afford
to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out
to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is
going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your rented Mercedes
to your neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks you how far something is,
you tell them how long it will take to get
there rather than how many miles away it is.
You live in New York City when...
1. You say "the city" and expect
to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty
or the Empire State Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how
to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but
can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature,"
5. You believe that being able to swear at people
in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You live in Maine when...
1. You only have four spices:
salt, pepper, ketchup,
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less
than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter,
almost winter, and construction.
You live in the Deep South when...
1. You can rent a movie and buy
bait in the same store.
2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from
'round here, are Ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob,
Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
You live in Colorado when...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain
bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way
home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a
You live in the Midwest when...
1. You've never met any celebrities,
but the mayor
knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting
to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C"
on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition:
"Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place,
you say, "It was different!"
You live in Florida when...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind
- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people
Subj: Moved To Silicon Valley (S239b)
From: gheckman on 8/26/2001
Moved to Silicon Valley for a job.
My salary is 30% higher!
I have stock options by the truckload!
The temperature outside is 65F in winter!
California is the best place on earth!!!
Still looking for an apartment.
Freeways everywhere to take you places.
Still love California!
Found a 1 bedroom apartment for $1900/mo.
California is more expensive than I thought.
Met nice girl down the hall -- think I'll ask
Gas hit $2.89/gal.
Somebody stole the gas from my car.
Nice girl turned out to be guy...
A small earthquake!
And this is what you were so worried about?
Almost didn't feel it.
A forest fire and a mud slide near LA.
Who cares, that is far away from me!
A big earthquake... Spent 4 hours in my bathtub.
Boy, that was scary.
We had no stinking earthquakes where I came from.
Drought! They turn on the water once a day.
Somebody stole the water from my car's radiator.
Why did I come to California?
Decided to buy a house. Found a 2-bedroom fixer-
upper for $800K.
Borrowed against my stock options for down payment.
Freeway traffic is worse. Today it took nearly
two hours, One way!
My startup fired 90% of the work force, including me.
The stock lost 98% of its value.
My options are underwater.
Had to sell the house. Couldn't make the payments.
Found a studio apartment for $2300/mo.
Problems with electricity.
They turn the electricity off several times a day. It's
called "rolling blackouts."
Who stole my car battery, and what do I do now?
I'm typing this, stuck in an elevator, in complete darkness.
The battery of my laptop is dying.
Silicon Valley is no more.
Angry hordes of former dot-commers are looting in the dark.
I'm coming back home.
Your loving son
by John Graziano
From: Comics.com on 11/26/2009
Your sunglasses fog up when you
You don't think it inappropriate to refer to a large adult
male as "Li'l Bubba."
No matter where else you go in the world, you are always
disappointed in the food.
You get up in the morning and start a pot of rice to cooking
before you give any thought to what you'll fix for dinner.
Your loved one dies and you book a jazz band before you call
You think the breeze from a flying roach feels good on a hot
You can sing these jingles by heart:
"Rosenberg's, Rosenberg's, 1825 Tulane" "At the beach,
at the beach, at Pontchartrain Beach..."
You were a high school graduate before you realized that
Catholic and Public were not two major religions.
Your baby's first words are "long beads."
You ask, "How they running?" and "Are dey fat?" but you're
inquiring about seafood quality and not the Cresent City
When a hurricane is imminent, you have a lot more faith in
Nash Roberts than Super Doppler 6000.
Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity
chart and you don't care because you're No. 1 on the party
Nothing shocks you. Period. Ever - not politics, hurricanes,
red lights, parking tickets, the Saints, Mardi Gras...
Your one-martini lunch becomes a five-bloody Mary afternoon...
and you keep your job.
You're walking in the French Quarter with a plastic cup of beer.
When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head.
Your idea of health food is a baked potato instead of fries
with your seafood platter.
You have to take your coffee and favorite coffeemaker with
you on a three-day trip.
You exhibit the "doubloon reflex" by stomping runaway coins
with your foot.
You have sno-ball stains on your shoes.
You call tomato sauce "red gravy".
Your middle name is your mother's maiden name or your father's
mother's maiden name or your mother's mother's maiden name
or your grandmother's mother's maiden name or your grand-
father's mother's maiden name.
You know you recycled too much newspaper when there isn't
enough for the dinner (or crawfish) table.
You are going through customs and the agent asks you where
you're from and you answer, "Gentilly."
On certain spring days, crawfish Monica is your breakfast.
You eat sno-balls instead of throwing them.
Your house payment is less than your utility bill.
You've done your laundry in a bar.
You push little old ladies out of the way to catch
Mardi Gras throws.
You look forward to being smashed by a hurricane.
Catching "crabs" makes you smile.
You write "crookedpolitician" as all one word.
You know it's "ask" but you purposely say "ax".
You understand it when someone describes their favorite color
as K?B purple.
You know how to mispronounce street names correctly.
(Melpomene, Terpsichore, Chartres, etc.)
You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.
You can "boo" the mayor on national television.
Beignets are the major cause of your gallstones.
You wear sweaters in October because it ought to be cold.
Someone asks you "Where you at?" and you tell them
how you are.
You are left behind at an out-of-town bar searching for
a "go cup."
You think of potholes as naturally occurring speed bumps.
Your grandparents are called "Maw Maw" and "Paw Paw."
Your Santa Claus rides an alligator, Your favorite Saint is
a football player, you suck heads, sing the blues and you
actually know where you got them shoes.
You shake out your shoes before putting them on.
You know why you should never, ever swim by the Lake
Pontchartrain steps (for more than one reason).
You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or
Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.
You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm.
You still call the Fairmont Hotel the Roosevelt.
You consider garbage cans a legal step to protecting your
parking space on a public street.
Subj: You Know You're From California When... (S193, S540c)
From: ICohen on 10/10/00
and From: redcatt on 5/16/2007
1. Your coworker has 8 body
piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying
on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose
ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can't remember . . Is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and
a sperm donor.
7. You have a very string opinion about where your coffee
beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between
Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember . . . Is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing
a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney
really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every
news station: "STORM WATCH."
14. You pass an elementary school playground and the children
are all busy with their cells or pagers.
15. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work
an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
16. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
17. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal
trainers and cosmetic surgeons.
18. The Terminator is your governor.
19. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license.
If you're here illegally, they want to give you one
20. You pass an elementary school playground and the children
are wearing bullet proof vest.
From: DR SWITZER on 98-02-04
You know you're from California when...
21. Your car has bulletproof
22. Left is right and right is wrong.
23. Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
24. Your mouse has only one ball.
25. You need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot
and pick one up.
26. You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.
27. You can't find your other earring because your son
is wearing it.
28. You drive to your neighborhood block party.
29. Your family tree contains significant others.
30. Your cat has it's own psychiatrist.
31. You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.
32. You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
33. More than clothes come out of the closets.
34. When "the Dead" are best live.
35. You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
36. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.
37. More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
38. Smoking in your office is not optional.
39. You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow,
and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
40. When you can't schedule a meeting because you must
41. Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
42. Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
43. You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the
44. You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
45. A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.
46. When all highways into the state say: no fruits.
47. All highways out of the state say: Go back
48. The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
49. You were born somewhere else.
50. You know how to eat an artichoke.
51. The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
Subj: You Know You Live In SF When... (S44)
From: auntieg on 97-11-29
Your co-worker tells you he has
eight body piercings -
none are visible.
When someone says "TENDERLOIN", you don't think steak;
you think danger.
You make well over $100,000 and you still can't find a
nice place to live.
A really great parking spot can move you to tears.
You think anyone who drives a car to work is decadent.
You keep a list of companies to boycott.
You would never dream of crossing a picket line.
You take the bus and are shocked at two people
carrying on a conversation in English.
You realize there are far more Rainbow flags in the city
than the California State flag.
The guy who cuts your hair is straight, and your
plumber is gay.
The woman who delivers your mail is straight,
and your Mary Kay Lady is gay.
Old friends you haven't talked to in years suddenly call.
"Do you have a spare bedroom for a weekend?"
You think anyone wearing a George Clooney haircut
is visiting from the Midwest.
You can't remember...Is pot still illegal?
You go to your office manager's baby shower.
The parents are named Judy and Becky.
You give a "thumbs up" gesture to a car with a
FREE TIBET bumper sticker-and you mean it.
You know that anyone wearing shorts in June is just
visiting from Ohio.
A man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia
and crotch less chaps. You don't notice.
You curse those damn tourists - but always stop to help
a cute person who is looking puzzled at a city map.
When you drive under an underpass, for one moment you
Your boss runs in "The Bay to Breakers"
....it's the first time you have seen him nude.
You are thinking of taking an adult education class,
but you can't decide between a Yoga, Channeling or
Building Your Web Site class.
Your new neighbors go to temple, but you
are still not sure if they are Jewish or Buddhist.
You realize the only Republicans you know
are your Aunt and Uncle in Georgia.
From: Ossama's Laugh on 6/14/98
You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because
you know the drivers have never seen it.
You've been to more than one baby shower
that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee
beans are grown and can taste the difference between
Sumatra and Ethiopian.
You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.
Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose
ring and is named "Breeze." And, after telling a friend,
they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.
You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since the first month
you moved to SF and you couldn't figure out how to drive
to Coit Tower if your life depended on it.
A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don't notice.
You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is
not a tourist.
Subj: You Know You're From The Bay Area When... (S10)
From Micheal.Janniro on 97-03-28
You make $100,000 a year, yet
still can't find
a place to live.
Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles
away from work.
Stop asking how much things cost but, ask "How long
will it take?"
Two-Thirds of the people you know are from Boston or
New York, but you are living in PST.
Know vast differences difference between Thai, Vietnemese,
Japanese, Cantonese, and Korean food.
Your home computer contains mostly hardware/software that is
not on the consumer market yet.
Go to "The City" on weekends but don't live there because
you like your car.
Think that "I'm going to Fry's." is an acceptable excuse to
leave the office for a while, and your boss does too.
Lost your alarm clock. You'll get to work when you get there.
Go to an industrial-heavy-metal bar and see two guys get
into a fight over what flavor of unix is better.
Own more than 10 articles of clothing that have hardware/software
companies printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.
You know where Woz Way, Resistor Ave, and Floppy Dr are located.
You know who Woz is.
You know 280 North runs west, and 680 N runs East.
Even though Microsoft employs quite a few programmers in
the Bay Area, they only work on Powerpoint, and the
company is still the embodiment of Satan.
You see a billboard that says "FGPA2ASIC" and aren't phased.
When you need the updated Diamond Monster 3D drivers,
you just walk across the street.
You have more bandwidth in your apartment or condo
than most major universities.
Your workplace vending machines dispense "100% natural
twig-bars" right next to Jolt cola and Instant Espresso mix.
From: DR SWITZER on 98-02-24 (S56)
You know you're living in the Bay Area when . . . you
have to move your house into the street because of
mudslides, and then you have to register your house
with the DMV.
Subj: Short California Facts
How To Pronounce Oklahoma (S610c)
From: rfslick on 9/16/2008
Photo from CVDavis.BlogSpot.com...
The proper way is: Okla . . .
Homa (There's a pause
between the 'a' and the 'h'.) To see the reason, click 'HERE'.
Subj: Back In 1850 (S447b, S637c)
From: RFSlick on 8/25/2005
and From: tom on 3/22/2009
Do you know what happened this week back in 1850?
California became a state.
The state had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gun fights in the middle of the streets.
So it was just like California today, except the women
had real breasts
From: tom on 1/8/2008
Photo from Yahoo! Images
Subj: California Resolution (S240)
From: bonehead on 8/30/2001
Bonehead award two goes to the State Assembly in the
California Statehouse for passing a resolution that
proclaimed the Yellowstone National Park as one of
California's most treasured tourist attractions. Not
without a fight, says Wyoming, the true home of Yellowstone.
Adopted from Bill Flick, Daily
Crossing Streets In California (S545b)
Mother Goose And Grimm Comics on 6/21/2007
Subj: California's New State Seal (S358)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 12/11/2003
This is so good, you have to see California's new State Seal.
Go to my web site at
or click 'Here'.
From: igiggle on 5/1/2006
Top 100 Cities In America (S481)
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments
From: auntieg 98-05-09
Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora
la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" ? can be abbreviated
to 3.63% of its size, "L.A."
The Chico, California, City Council
enacted a ban on
nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone
detonating one within city limits.
From NBC News on 7/6/00 (S179)
The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
-- Mark Twain
For more Twain quotes see 'Twain
on Government' in POLITICAL2.
From: Robert P. on 10/12/03 (S350b)
Q: Did you hear about the woman in San Francisco who was
walking down the street and was attacked by three men?
A: Two held her down while the other did her hair.
..........................Smiley in Yellowstone from Smiley_Central